


Black Magic

by AvocadoFantasies



Category: Draco Malfoy - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Magic, Anxiety Attacks, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Blood Kink, Chess, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Daddy Issues, Dark Magic, Death, Death Eaters, Drug Use, F/M, First Kiss, Healer Draco Malfoy, Hogwarts, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Magic, Memories, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Miscarriage, Original Character(s), Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Pureblood Society (Harry Potter), Romance, Second War with Voldemort, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teen Romance, Violence, Wizard's Chess (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:20:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 185,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29324607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvocadoFantasies/pseuds/AvocadoFantasies
Summary: And she hates sun.But she doesn't hate him.And he is like the sun.How she could not hate him but hate the sun if they were the same thing?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 17





	1. Friends

**Author's Note:**

> This story doesn't talk about the cheesy things that love brings, no, this story's relationship is very toxic and possessive — explosive, how they like to call it.
> 
> This book talks about traumas the protagonists have been through, how that part of their lives affects their future and the emotions they feel. They're persons, humans with problems, they commit mistakes or make choices as a real person and they experiment situations that everyone of us could.
> 
> Here there are a lot of dark themes. So, please, don't ignore the TW if you see them on the header of a chapter. Though all the book is a TW itself.
> 
> With this book I wanted to make something like: 'What if Draco had someone with him through the years?' 'What if Draco once loved someone with more than his life?'
> 
> This contains a lot of the books' and movies' scenes, so, if you don't like the kind of story this is gonna be, you've millions of fanfics here in the platform.
> 
> •All characters, not including the protagonist and others, belong to JK Rowling  
> •This book is also in Wattpad (same user)

"Leevanna! Leevanna!"

"Hm?" The girl replied without taking her eyes off her very interesting book.

"It's time for the buffet, what the hell are you waiting for?"

"Ugh, I was in the best part," she complained, closing the book in annoyance before getting up from her seat and start following the girl. "She was about to die and now I have to wait."

"If Filch saw you there, he wouldn't hesitate to take you to Snape, at least thanks." Lhu, someone she considered her only best friend, reproached her. The girl was of average height, slim, and with beautiful curly brown hair. The white-haired girl left a kiss on her cheek thanking her and let Lhu held her hand.

A _big_ gesture from her, a thing that surprised Lhu, who cheerfully smiled at her.

The green-eyed did not like to be touched. She _despised_ it.

She reacted aggressively or scared if someone did it. It was very difficult that someone could even brush her — that had caused that in her first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, she wore black leather gloves all the time so as not to touch anything or anyone. She had worn them all the year, even for just sleep — if she did it because she wasn't a sleeping person either. She usually stayed awake until morning, reading or playing chess with herself until her eyelids became heavy helplessly and she could finally fall asleep, at least for one hour.

Leevanna Vaughan was not exactly someone who was known for expressing her feelings a lot either; people saw her as someone cold as ice, sarcastic, and extremely intelligent — even more than Hermione Granger, the... _Mudblood_ , unlike Leevanna. Both of her parents had told her — and keep doing it —always that she should not hang out, or even approach, with those who had 'betrayed the blood', so she had absorbed that idea in her head and memorised as if it was a kind of mantra, but not because she had a choice.

She _had_ _to_.

She had even questioned herself and the way her parents had forced her to grow and the things she had to learn, but what difference would that make?

Her parents would love her more? Absolutely not. She could be able to sleep for more than two hours? No. That would erase her traumas? That was a good joke.

She had to follow those thoughts, she had to be mean to them, she had to — she told herself that every single morning and at any hour of the day.

"Did you hear that Potter passed out on the train?" Lhu laughed. "The whole house talks about it," Leevanna laughed adjusting her long, curly blonde whitish hair and leaving a smile on her face. The braids she wore most of the time were beautiful.

"But, wait — how did you find out? We sleep all the way here," Leevanna recalled turning her head to see her with a soft frown.

"I heard it when Draco asked Theodore," Lhu admitted, then she watched her friend for a moment, who had started chuckling as they headed to The Great Hall.

The brunette had some... _Intrigue_ for her best friend, although she had known her for years now.

And it could be maybe that Leevanna Vaughan was extremely intriguing. Everyone saw her in that way.

She was full of dark secrets which infected her like black and dark magic — horrible and terror-struck secrets, no — memories. The secrets were memories.

Leevanna Vaughan was made of memories.

She remembers too much, like the air on a calm day as it holds itself still, letting nothing escape and the leaves to follow it, or in this case, the tears that burn her icy skin.

Memories fill her body as much as her pure blood, flesh and bones do.

She had most of those memories blocked — as any person who has been through traumas, as a mechanism of defence to protect herself — but they make a big explosion with the simplest things, like gasoline next to the fire.

It is good though, have them blocked in some part of her brain, because it is mortifying be the only one who remembers.

The girl had also episodes, depressive and anger ones — and that scared the fuck off everyone if someone saw her exploding.

That beautiful silky whitish blonde hair that she took care of every day, her shapely figure that captivated most of the boys, almost 5'3, eyes so clear and green as glass that looked at you with such coldness, long eyelashes and pink full lips which let escape the most meaningful and teasingly things out of them. And that skin so white and flawless that you had fantasies about being able to touch it and feel its texture...

Also, she was very loyal and always knew how to defend herself with very good arguments — though she was very mean if she wanted to.

Where did you get a spell to be like her? She was so smart — brilliant —, and even though she was cold and emotionally distant, the rest really liked her — although sometimes they were a bit scared of her.

Everyone was always talking about her and the things that she did.

«She is angry or sad? Oh, Gods, if she is angry Lord have mercy. Remember what happened the last time?»

«Do you think her family really did _all_ those things?» «I heard they tortured people...»

«How is that Lhu cannot be afraid of her eyes? How could she even be near her and not have that necessity of wanting to touch her?»

«I don't know you, but I'll kill to be her friend and know everything she is thinking.» «Indeed. All the things she should be thinking about this moment... Judging or congratulating at everything that moves.»

«What happened to you?» «I-I swear it was an accident... I-I did not want to but—» «Did you tried to touch her?!»

«Why the _Ice Queen_?» «The way she looks at you with such coldness... The way she had seemed to build an empire with those ice walls that surround her... How everyone is always willing to do anything for her. She is beautiful but hurtful.»

«She is so damn pretty! Have you see her?»

«Why she don't let no one touch her? Is like she is afraid of it or something... But, she, afraid? That girl had dragons as pets!»

Lhu knew that Leevanna Vaughan was more than just a pretty face though.

Leevanna Vaughan was _everything_.

The things she did and why she did them, the way her behaviour was, how she walked, how she moved, how she breathed, the way she thought and her brain worked — _tortured_ her.

Leevanna was like a little experiment.

Why her eyes seemed so cold? How her movements were so graceful and rough at the same time? How her anger made everyone to be afraid? Why she reacted so bad if someone touched her? How could she look like a little injured bird but at the same time a big dragon that was angry?

Lhu was always curious about her. So she examined her very close — so she could be able to understand her better.

The way she seemed so lost and hurt when she read or divagate among her memories. How her brain tortured her until she started trembling and panicking.

Her more than dark demons. Demons which claw around her intestines, twisting them until she puked, hanging like monkeys upon her coldblooded veins, and fold her spirit into itself, like ants which numbed her body leaving her with the incessant tingle in her skin as she is suctioned like dust in front of a vacuum down into the dark abyss of her pain.

How she beat anyone in chess just with a single move from her part. How her lips always had the right answer for everything and the bored tone in her voice when she responded to something — as if she knew everything. Maybe she did though.

How her eyes looked at you with such coldness but sweetness at the same time. From throwing millions of ice floes just with one look and then filling your body with butterflies.

The way she drowned in her head when she had nightmares or was angry or sad. The torment in her eyes haunting her in every way possible, scaring any possibility of being happy.

Why no one saw her smile more than three or four times a day. How her laughter hypnotised everyone in the room. Why nobody had seen or heard her cry or admit she was having a rough time.

How she looked made of ice until you told her that she looked pretty and a rosy, little blush decorated her cheeks.

She could be so sweet and gentle if she wanted — help people around her without asking anything in return — or be the meanest person who had ever born.

The way she kept so many things to herself and then exploded like an atomic bomb hurting and destroying everything and everyone near her.

How her mind worked and made her go mental. The way she controlled all her emotions leaving just coldness. How she controlled all that surrounded her just to feel good and secure with herself. The necessity she had of knowing that if she was judge for her actions, nobody would give her any mercy.

How she pushed herself to the limit of madness and returned to herself in less than a minute.

But Lhu would never have envy of her — she knew so many things about Leevanna that were simply just fearsome, but she was not afraid —, so when someone asked if she would do something to be her, she always said _'_ _no.'_

If only they knew all the things Lhu knew about Leevanna... Maybe they wouldn't be so allured by her.

No, that was a vile lie, they would be even more intricate and allure of her.

"And speaking of the Evil," Leevanna snorted, snapping the brunette out of her thoughts and looking forwards, directly to Draco Malfoy, who had sat in front of them with a playful smirk.

"Talking about me again, darling?" Said the boy without even saying hello and challenging her with his eyes. Crabbe and Goyle sat next to him.

"We were talking about how irritating and bloody annoying you are, _darling_ ," she replied and blurted out as much sarcasm as possible on the last word ending with a sarcastic smile too. "Want to join us?"

"The fact that my name is that bushy head of yours is enough for me," then Draco winked at her causing the one with white hair, the same as the boy's, to roll her eyes in annoyance before making a gesture of disgust.

"Piss off, Malfoy," her tone of voice was bored. "It would give us a good laugh to all if you shut that bitchy mouth of yours for once."

"Look who talks about having a bitchy—"

"Didn't you hear me? Shut your mouth before I owl your daddy."

"You little cu—"

"And there is again," the girl rolled her eyes annoyed. "Do you need a zipper or something?"

Draco took off his middle finger. "At least I don't have a bushy nest as hair."

"Oh, so you are going to drag me now?! What did you say about my hair?!" her hands slapped the table as she stood up.

"That looks like a nest full of bird shit!" His hands also slapped the table and he stood up.

Both looked at each other with narrowed eyes.

"Yours looks like a fucking spaghettini meal but burned and uncooked," she fought back ending with a sarcastic smile.

The eye-contact intensified.

"They know they have literally the same hair?" asked Theodore Nott taking a piece of meat to his mouth as both teenagers kept fighting.

"Sometimes I swear they are fucking blind," huffed Lhu playfully.

" _We do not have the same hair!_ " Leevanna and Draco said at the same time as they turned their heads to look at their house-mates. Both looked at each other again.

"Sit down, you spoiled little brats," laughed Theo.

Both teenagers gave the final death-look to each other and huffed before they took off their middle fingers and sat down at the same time Albus Dumbledore started his usual — and boring — speech.

That both Slytherin teenagers had similar hair, had been one of the funniest coincidences the first time they met. Lhu had inadvertently mistaken the girl for Malfoy, and she had been outraged the second one — before she started arguing with the blond over which hair was the prettiest.

War was declared from that day on.

Though there was something they both really enjoyed.

"Potter... _Potter!_ "

And the aforementioned turned around.

"Is it true you fainted?" Asked the boy, feigning a worried face, which did not last long thanks to the performance of one of his friends. "I mean, you actually fainted?"

"Shove off, Malfoy," Ron Weasley replied, making Leevanna laugh.

"How did he find out?" muttered Harry.

"Everyone knows, Potter," the girl replied, pronouncing the boy's last name in much the same way as Malfoy. "The Dark Lord is offended that you have been defeated so quickly. So quickly than maybe he doesn't even need to return!"

And everyone who heard the comment at the Slytherin table tried to hide their laughter.

Everyone enjoyed her very dark humour.

It was darker than the same bottom of the Black Lake, but it was so funny that no one could avoid laugh — even if the comment had been hurtful and so mean that could be made you cry.

Before the end of the second year, if we want to put an example, Lucius Malfoy and Nicholas Vaughan had been at Hogwarts' school, to make sure that Hagrid would be taken yo Azkaban prison for the Chamber of Secrets thing. And it had been quite entertaining:

_"Hagrid's innocent!" exclaimed Harry Potter making Draco and Leevanna, who had been fighting about some childish thing, to turn their heads towards the boy as he approached._

_"And who the hell called you, scar-head?" said Draco crossing his arms and shooting his eyes._

_"Your parents have the wrong person!" continued the Gryffindor making Leevanna snort and murmur something nono was able to hear._

_"Stop yelling, you give me a headache," she huffed. "Uh, I want pudding. You want some?"_

_"The chocolate one?" asked Draco as she nodded. "Go on, then—"_

_"Listen to me!" Harry's voice interrupted them defensively._

_"You want chocolate pudding too or what?" Leevanna's eyes rolled back, already tired of the conversation._

_"You and your parents are vile and cruel," said Harry between teeth as his finger pointed at them. "I am sure one of them blamed Hagrid because—"_

_"At least we have parents," muttered Leevanna looking at her nails. Draco's laugh made her raise her gaze finding that a lot of people who were near them was trying to hold back their laughs. "Oh, I said that out loud?"_

Leevanna made a little fist-high with those closest to her, even Malfoy's entourage and Pansy Parkinson, but as soon as she was about to do so with certain blond, they both rolled their eyes and settled back in their seats.

They didn't admit the other's victory in public — that would admit that one of them was better, and no one was better than themselves.

But no one could deny that every time they both teased each other, or when they exchanged glances or when both were present to tease someone at the same time, there was always laughter and a kind of connection.

And maybe was because they both had a lot in common — although they hated to admit it —: their families served the Dark Lord secretly, they both lacked affection and family warmth, they loved to read — bookworms —, making fun of people and boast, they shared the same Hogwarts house, both had been brought up by the same way... And they suffered inside.

The way their minds worked so similarly but differently at the same time was intriguing.

Draco Malfoy had a lot of secrets too. Maybe not as horribles as Leevanna's, but he had.

A few hours dinner was over, when everyone had gone to their rooms, Leevanna said goodbye to Lhu and hurried to a hidden corner in the Slytherin common room to finish her book. She hated bedtime, she always had nightmares.

Nightmares about _**that**_ day — that horrible and traumatic day.

The fancy and aristocratic aura made her sigh in relief. The Slytherin common room was like her refuge, it had been like her home for the last two years. It's warm and comforting, inside that common room was the people she considered her family.

The large, diamond-paned windows which lined the dark-grey stones walls lit with the calmly and dark, green-blue glow from the Black Lake let the dark silhouettes from the Mer-creatures and fishes pass floating from time to time.

But it's not scary, at least not for her. She could remember how horrible were the shapeless silhouettes that the trees of her manor were, the sound of the wind cracking the wood and slipping through the tiny spaces of the window making scary noises that kept her awake all night. She used to think that those misshapen silhouettes were monsters who were coming for her.

She finds the dark shapes that pass behind the windows very relaxing because she knows what's provoking them. And the wind cannot slip through the tiny spaces. Instead, the tick-tack of the clock next to the wood being consumed by the fire relaxes her like nothing else.

She loved how the different type of armchairs, couches and tables — from velvet, leather and suede, to black marble, wood and granite —, combined so well but a the same time so bad. All go together somehow. It was as if every part of the place represented a little part from all the people in the dungeons, so different but yet so similar.

She passed her gaze through the deep emeralds and blacks that surround her as the orange yellowish glow of a fireplace illuminate her pale face, she sighs again.

At almost one-thirty in the morning, she looked up from her book when she heard footsteps approaching her and hurried to stand up — although Snape couldn't punish her since she always did whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, she knew that this was going to be her second warning of the day. She breathed easy when she saw a familiar figure.

"Bloody hell, you nearly scared me to death, Malfoy," she reproached, rolling her eyes. "I was about to say hi to the Devil, I swear."

She had even prepared some kind of excuse and everything. She had waisted energy for nothing.

"Until late again?" He asked, standing in front of her as he watched her return to the position from a few seconds ago while nodding. "What are you doing?"

"Playing chess," she replied sarcastically, knowing that he could see her book perfectly.

She rolled her eyes. She despised irrelevant questions.

"We're in a bad mood, huh," he laughed, sitting down on the other corner of the sofa since the girl took up the most space. They were both in pyjamas.

"Seeing you makes me bloody sick," she huffed. "What's more... I want to vomit now."

"I know that deep down you love me."

"At the bottom of a black hole, it will be" she laughed, turning the page and then directing her gaze to the boy who was staring at the wood burning in the fireplace. "Anyways, what are _you_ doing here? Wasn't my little warning at dinner enough?"

It was not the first time that the two had met in the common room late at night, they always crossed paths at least three times a week in the middle of the night since the middle of year one.

Although many times they did not speak to each other at all and only dedicated themselves to read in separate spaces, there were times like this in which they shared some sweets and had talks full of sarcasm and dark humour.

"Piss off," he rolled his eyes making her chuckle. "It's the same old stuff," the boy shrugged, letting air escape his lips. "Insomnia. You? Did you have nightmares?"

Malfoy knew about Leevanna's little problem — and she despised that —, a year and a few months ago he had found her in the common room full of tears and a state of total panic. He didn't know what to do — he had never been the kind of person who knew how to comfort someone and nobody had taught him —, so he just stayed with her to accompany her until dawn while trying to make her laugh with sarcastic comments that made her respond or laugh.

She denied opening another of her candies and offering one to Malfoy. "Lhu dragged me into the dining room in the most interesting part, and as you know, I don't like the intrigue."

"I know," he said, taking the little candy wrapped in red paper and putting it in his mouth. "The Ice Queen is always impatient," his giggle made her roll her eyes.

"You know? The worst part of this book is that the protagonist is a fucking psycho and I cannot hate him," she huffed trying not to throw the book to the ground.

"Why?" he chuckled seeing her get frustrated.

"He doesn't even love her! I mean—" she growled. "He is convinced that he is in love with her — but he is not! I mean — this little cunt here is just so obsessed with her that he tried to kill her just to make _her_ a sculpture and make her eternal and not leave his side. But I cannot no justify or understand him!"

"I beg your pardon — he tried to do _what_?" he said with a little bit of shock in his voice, frowning. "Why you read so fucking weirdo things?"

"The writing is immaculate though," she sighed. "You should read it. The protagonist is as despicable as you are."

Just at that moment, a first-year boy started walking around the room sleepwalking while babbling. The boy left a few seconds later when he woke up when he hit a wall, he did not even notice the presence of the two teenagers on the sofa.

Then, they both looked at each other and a few seconds later they tried to silence their laughter so they wouldn't be discovered.

They may seem like cat and dog in front of others, provoking each other all the time and with almost no moments when they laugh together, but behind closed doors and in the middle of the night, they could laugh non-stop as if they were the best friends in the world.

And it's that, perhaps, both considered the other a friend — they would never admit it though. Why? Their selfishness and ego didn't let them.

Although both could laugh with each other when nobody was seeing them, they had envy of each other. For different things, two very far away extremes, but those extremes collided at some point and become a kind of admiration.

For example, none of them would never admit that the other was one of the brightest persons they had ever met. They admired the other's brain, the way it worked, their intelligence, their ways of being and thinking. They admired another things too, like how they managed not to break in front of everyone if a comment towards them hurt them, their defence mechanism.

But they would never say it out loud.

Why? Because that's how they parents had trained them. To be _perfect_.

Both had their lives completely and cautiously planned. From how their lives at Hogwarts would be, the persons who they would marry and their lives out of school. Both fought for the first place, because, believe it or not, Lucius Malfoy and Nicholas Vaughan wanted their kids to be Ministers of Magic barely leaving Hogwarts. The problem comes when just one of them could be it. Draco adored and wanted to please his father, so it was obvious he would fight. Now, Leevanna on the other hand, loved to disappoint her parents but she loves to fight with Draco, so it was very obvious too that she had the same goal that him.

Curiously surprises the universe would put in their ways though.

The next day, after Divination class — which seemed quite odd to most, and especially after what the teacher said to Harry, although Leevanna loved it —, all the third years were in their way to the Care of Magical Creatures class.

Leevanna was bored and paid no attention to what Hagrid said at first, but when she heard a familiar voice ask how to open the book, she did pay attention. The last time she had tried it, she had almost lost an arm and the book had chased her all her room as she screamed.

"Exactly, how we do that?" Malfoy asked sarcastically and with an annoyed expression.

"Just stroke the spine, of course. Goodness me," the man replied, continuing his walk.

"Silly," Leevanna said laughing and caressing the spine of her book as she passed by the side of Longbottom, who struggled against his book. Draco added another comment until they were interrupted.

"I think they're funny," Hermione Granger's voice made them both turn to her.

"Oh yes, terribly funny," Malfoy replied. "Really witty!" And Leevanna laughed. "God, this place has gone to the dogs, wait till my father hears they've got this oaf teaching classes!"

"Imagine the scandal," Leevanna laughed leaning against the tree where Draco's group was. "Oh, Gods, let me tell him myself, I want to be dramatic!" she said, playfully pushing his arm as she jumped excitedly, like a little kid imploring her mum to buy her a bar of chocolate. "Please! Please!"

"We could make a musical!"

"Shut up, Malfoy," said Harry Potter.

Then Draco giggled and, before he handed his briefcase to Goyle to start walking over to Potter, Leevanna whispered something in his ear.

"Dementor! Dementor!"

Harry turned around ready to face his nightmares, but the entire group of Slytherins that were there just started laughing while Malfoy's group started to taunt Harry by mimicking the Dementors.

Little additional that the blond had added to the joke that Leevanna had come up with.

"Just ignore them," Hermione advised her friend, taking the fun out of the other two as they complained.

A few minutes later, among which Leevanna and Draco imitated Harry's faces, the girl was in awe of the animal Hagrid brought.

"A Hippogriff," she murmured, stepping away from the tree to get a little closer. She loved magical creatures — and they loved her too.

A few seconds after Potter bowed, he stepped on a branch.

"Back off, Harry. Back off," Hagrid advised and, unconsciously, Draco put an arm in front of Leevanna to pull her back and she clung to him feeling some fear for the huge animal in front of her.

When they both realized what they were doing, they quickly parted ways.

A couple of seconds later, when the animal bowed too, Hagrid encouraged him to get on. At that moment, Malfoy snorted and made Crabbe and Goyle push the crowd aside so he and Leevanna could be in front. She was silent for a couple of seconds, watching him chew on an apple.

"Oh please," Draco snorted as everyone, including some Slytherins, applauded Potter's feat.

"Jealous?" The girl at his side looked at him with a raised eyebrow and a mocking smile.

"Never," he replied, and from one moment to another he pushed everyone aside to address the enormous creature. "Yes you're not dangerous at all, are you, you great ugly brute!"

Leevanna couldn't say anything due to the state of shock and fun she was in.

"Malfoy, _no_..." tried Hagrid.

And the hippogriff spread his wings standing on two legs before pushing the boy with his front legs and leaving a scratch on his right arm. At that moment, all the students started to leave scared that he would do the same to them.

Leevanna put a hand on her mouth trying not to laugh. Although she was a bit scared.

"It's killed me! It's killed me!" The blond whimpered, clinging to his arm as he rocked from side to side on the ground.

"Calm down! Is just a scratch!" Hagrid tried to reassure him.

"Hagrid!" Hermione Granger exclaimed, finally making Leevanna react. "He has to be taken to the hospital."

"I'm the teacher. I'll do it," the man agreed, carrying Malfoy carefully.

"You're going to regret this."

"Class dismissed!"

"You and your bloody chicken!"

"Leevanna," Lhu called, making her jump. "We should go," the white-haired one nodded without taking her eyes off the path Hagrid and Draco were walking.

༄

Leevanna ran through the corridors until she reached the door of the Hogwarts hospital wing, where she took a deep breath and began to walk calmly as if nothing was wrong before she entered through the doors.

"Miss Vaughan, what do you offer?" Madam Pomfrey inquired, soaking some gauze pads in water to clean Draco's arm, who turned his head towards the girl when he heard her name.

She opened her mouth willing to say something, but she closed it quickly trying to formulate an answer. Well, she hadn't exactly thought of an excuse, she had only left Lhu halfway and started running until she reached the place in less than five minutes.

For some strange reason, when the hippogriff hurt Malfoy, she felt something in her stomach twist and she had to see if he was okay and it hadn't gotten to more.

Although she had laughed a bit, she worried after — she didn't know if the beast had really hurt him or he was just being a dramatic ass as always, but she had worried.

She had imagined the worst-case scenario where Draco screamed in pain because his bone and raw flesh were showing around it... But he was fine, what was she going to say now?

"Um... My head's been hurting a lot for a couple of hours now and I came to ask if you can check my temperature," she improvised in the most natural way possible. "And I wanted to vomit too."

"Let me finish with Mr Malfoy here and I will go with you in a second," the madam said with a smile, finishing putting the bandages on the boy's arm as he looked at Leevanna with a raised eyebrow and a teasingly smile. "The two of you wait for me here, I'll bring the thermometer."

And when the woman left, Malfoy raised both eyebrows.

"What? It's true," Leevanna tried to defend herself.

"Admit you were worried," Draco played looking at her with half-narrowed eyes and still with that playful smile he had.

"Worried? _Me?_ About _you_?" he nodded slowly and proudly. "Ha! You wish."

"Little Vaughan is worried about me," Draco said in a cheesy way pinching one of her cheeks. She slapped his hand aggressively and took out her middle finger.

"When Granger stops being a Muggle-born," she rolled her eyes crossing her arms on her chest and mentally begging all the forces of magic to raise her temperature and her lie to be covered.

A few seconds later, both turned their heads hearing footsteps.

"Merlin's beard! You have a fever of almost 105°!" Leevanna let out a breath that was contained in her longs after Madam Pomfrey took her temperature, thanking whatever it was that had helped her. "I'm going to give you a couple of things to lower that fever. On the other hand, Mr Malfoy, you don't move that arm for at least a week and stop being so dramatic."

When they both left the hospital wing, Draco stepped in front of the girl to face her.

He had a hand on the wall blocking her way.

She jumped scared and covered her face with her arms as a reflect before reacting quickly and pushing him away.

Draco frowned softly.

She looked away.

It had not been because he was too close.

If not...

"You were lucky, eh, Vaughan," he laughed — forgetting what had happened, causing the girl to roll her eyes and cross her arms over her chest. "But you're not fooling me."

"Whatever you say, Malfoy," she replied shaking her head in a funny way and with a teasing smirk on her lips.

"See you around, liar!" he exclaimed when he saw how the girl was already quite advanced with the stairs, she took off her middle finger. Then Draco stayed in that place watching Leevanna descend each step gracefully and her hair moving as she walked.

When they were in the dining room, Leevanna kept rolling her eyes every time she heard a girl's voice asking Draco how he was doing and if his arm was okay.

She couldn't even focus on her reading!

Why did they worry so much of?

It was not like his arm had come off or something, he was right in front of them, what need was there to ask with the shrill voices that some of them had?

And why the hell she had to care?

_Bastard._

That foul, loathsome _bastard_.

Those are the first words that came into her mind.

She stared at him with narrowed eyes, with all the willing of the world to stab or kill him with just her gaze — maybe with the quill she is tightening every second with her hand, pressing the gold-made tip into the poor table thinking that it was Malfoy's face.

She had wasted precious thirty bloody minutes of her horrible life just for that bastard.

She wanted to skewer him for making her stomach twist.

Now, instead of 'worrisome', there was a sour and acid flavour inside it, making her cardia hurt.

_Loathsome bastard._

Why had she cared?

She, outraged, gasped silently when she saw his smug smile appeared across his face before he rolled his eyes playfully thanks to a comment that Theodore Nott had made.

And he had the fucking nerve to fucking smile!

He had made her worry! And for fucking what?!

She tightened the quill in her hand even more — at that point she had even made a hole in the poor wooden table.

_That little foul, tosser, prat, wanker, arsehole, shitty twat, filthy, fucking loathsome basta—_

"Holy shite, Leev, calm down," said Lhu snapping her out of her thoughts.

She lowered her gaze to her hand as she stopped tightening the quill, which was half-buried in the table. Then she looked up finding that she had made a lightning-cloud above her and a lightning had fallen near her hand, burning the poor table a bit.

Some people now were staring at her for the noise the lighting had made.

"What?! Do you want an autograph?! A fucking picture too?!" the white-haired raised her voice, passing her cold gaze for those who were staring at her.

Everyone turned their heads instantly, minding their own business.

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before letting the hot air leave her nose rudely.

"Are you going to tell me why you ran away like that out of nowhere?" Lhu questioned her after a couple of seconds, seeing how the green-eyed one snorted.

"I wanted to vomit, I went to the hospital wing, I had a fever, they gave me some things and that's it," she replied to end her questioning once and for all.

What else was going her to say? That her stomach had turned over when she saw Draco on the ground and that the fear that something had really happened to him ran through her veins, she couldn't hold it and went to see him? Even she didn't know why she had gone!

She shouldn't care at all about Draco Malfoy.

She should not care about _anyone_ , really.

She didn't even care about herself and now she was caring about someone who wasn't even important.

_Bastard._

On the other hand, Draco was wondering whether what Leevanna had said in the hospital wing was true or an excuse.

He had heard when the lighting hit the table but not that she was staring at him before that.

He did not know why she was so angry — and he was not gonna ask either, but he could not help and wonder why.

That's when an intrusive question crossed his mind:

_Why hasn't she asked me if I'm okay yet?_

Unintentionally, they both collided with each other's gaze for a few seconds — she imagining that was stabbing him with millions of ice floes and him holding her gaze as if he could react her attack —, which made them tense, turning quickly to another direction.

"Does it hurt terribly, Draco?" Pansy asked, but he wasn't paying attention, he was just watching as Leevanna silently imitated the words of the black-haired girl in front of him.

Then a little idea occurred to him.

"It comes and goes" he replied looking into her eyes and catching how Leevanna was looking at them sideways. "Still, consider myself lucky. Madam Pomfrey said another minute and I could've lost my arm... I can't do homework for weeks."

But all he got was for the one with similar hair to close her book abruptly and hurry out of the place with Lhu following her.


	2. Hug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: incitement and attempt to suicide.

On Thursday of the following week, in the class of Defence Against Dark Arts, Leevanna had a face that was more frightening than the Dark Lord himself — she had that face all the week, being honest.

The slightest thing made her roll her eyes or snort, even Lhu was doubting to speak to her right now — because her best friend could say very hurtful things when she was mad or having bad days — but she still did it because she knew she didn't mean those things.

She knew that her best friend had special behaviour when she had episodes of anger or depression.

Lhu knew that Leevanna didn't know how to express her emotions in the right way, so she always was trying to help her to learn how to do it and not just explode like dynamite or accumulate things until she couldn't hold them anymore.

The problem was that Leevanna didn't know what exactly was she feeling.

Because she did _not_ like feeling _at all_.

The feelings made her weak, at least that's what she thought. And she was the Ice Queen, the feelings had no right or space in her life.

She could not let her marvellous empire of ice walls that she had successfully build through the years fall apart just because yes, just because some nonsense, useful and stupid feelings. She could not let the ice melt for nothing in the entire world, even if the sun was too bright.

It was a horrible Thursday. The daylight sun beat down, although there was a few grey clouds disturbing its hot haze. The sun light streaming through the windows was starting to give her a headache. She wanted to make the sun die.

She _hates_ the sun.

Too _bright_.

Too _cheerful_.

The sun is bad.

It burns her ice.

She hated the summer and spring climate, because the bloody rays of sun made her remind those horrible screams. And 'hate' was a very powerful word for Leevanna. Hate wasn't something that she would take easily, no, never. But the sun? She hates it and hates how cheerful the people is in the season of the year. Why they had to smile all the bloody time? Why they seemed to be so happy when the sunlight hit their faces? It was horrible.

On the other hand, she loves autumn and winter, those were her favourite stations of the year and would be forever. She could wrap herself in her blankets and sleep all day or read next to the fireplace while she drank hot, sweet chocolate or tea. And in those stations her nightmares were fewer also. In autumn, the red, orange and yellow leaves decorated the sky with their beautiful colours giving her the joy to appreciate an alluring landscape as she read or just took air on the balcony. She loved to see the snow falling over the people, leaving a warm but melancholic aura over them as they thought how much they missed the sun and it's hot light. But, for Leevanna, winter was much more warmer than summer.

For her, the ice was warmer than the sunlight. The ice was her beautiful refuge.

If she would be able to pick the way she wanted to die, she would say: _'Bury me in ice, or put me in an eternal coffin of ice decorated with flowers and snow, don't let the sun hurt me.'_

Ice and coldness was a beautiful way to die.

While with the sun you feel the agony of the fire burning every part of your body, the asphyxiation you can't escape, the deep wounds it leaves in your body and you are not able from recovering, being and feeling full of agony and despair, the screams that escape your throat. The worst part of it is that you don't die for the burning, you die for suffocation, coughing and discomfort, the panic, and eventually unconsciousness from oxygen being replaced by carbon dioxide and monoxide.

But with the ice? You start with little shivering, feeling the cold entering your systems and freezing all inside you. Then follows the slow, shallow breathing as the little pieces of ice decorate your eyelashes and hair, how the tears that roll down your rosy cheeks burn your skin as they freeze. Confusion and memory loss are the next two steps in hypothermia, your memories fade slowly away as you see them pass in front of your eyes like a blurry sheet. Drowsiness or exhaustion are the best part, you feel your body slowly weakening, like falling asleep. Your speech soon becomes slurred or mumbled, but you can't avoid chuckle. And, finally, as your internal temperature raises and fills your with lots of warm, your pulse is slow and weak. Being an unconscious person without obvious signs of breathing or a pulse. Falling asleep in an eternal dream is the last step, also known as death.

Talking about ice, for Leevanna, was beautiful. She loved to talk about it, saying how alluring and pretty would be being in a world full of it.

The white-haired girl was leaning against one of the columns in the classroom next to Lhu and Malfoy's group. Although they were always trying to provoke the other, they always ended up sitting in the same places and sharing a table.

Even if they didn't want to.

They collided glances by chance.

She raised her eyebrows annoyed and he did the same. Both rolled their eyes at the same time and looked at each other with narrowed eyes before they broke eye-contact.

 _Filthy cunt_ , he thinks.

 _Fucking bastard_ , she thinks.

Leevanna stared at the closed closet that couldn't stop moving for a single instant and made the wood collide with the floor's. She knew perfectly well what was inside it: a Boggart, but answering the professor Lupin's questions gave her a headache and being a know-it-all seemed boring to her right now.

Everything gave her a headache, even herself.

She wondered if maybe she could stab a knife in her chest and say that it had been an accident and that she wanted to do it in her head but had failed.

She could pitch herself from The Astronomy Tower and said that she was trying to fly or something.

Let pass The Hogwarts Express over her was a very good idea too.

Maybe she could borrow Lhu's wand and use the Killing Curse on herself because with her own wand wouldn't work... Or she could use Malfoy's and then blame him as a prank.

That made her press her lips avoiding laugh.

That would be extremely funny.

She, dead on the floor, and Malfoy trying to defend himself saying that she was mental and that she had been the one who performed the curse as everyone looked them in shock.

Oh, she would laugh so bloody hard if that happened.

Maybe she could bring The Dark Lord back and ask him to kill her as a way of tribute at him — Nah, that was way too bloody difficult and exhausting. You needed to do so much things just for nothing.

Maybe she could seek for Sirius Black and ask to do it. He was supposed to be a murderer after all. One victim less, one victim more, there was no difference. He was going to die anyway.

Or maybe she could say that she was Sirius Black using Polyjuice Potion and the Dementors would kill her instantly. Yeah, that would be so much easier. Finding Black would be too much work and she was tired.

She could drank hot chocolate before her death. It would leave her breath sweet. She would also need to change her clothes, she wanted to look pretty for her funeral. She was going to dye young and beautiful, that was a very good thing.

She was just about to laugh for her thoughts but the professor's voice distracted her.

"Let's practice now. Without wands, please," Lupin said walking until he was facing the whole class, with his back to the closet. "After me. _Riddikulus_!"

"Riddikulus!" all except two students who had annoyed faces repeated.

"Very good. A little louder and very clear" suggested the teacher, "Listen: _Riddikulus_!"

"This class is ridiculous," Malfoy muttered catching Leevanna's attention but she decided not to say anything, her head had started to really hurt half an hour ago.

And she had nothing to say really.

She loved all her classes, with every professor. She loved to study and everything.

And she wanted to keep thinking about the scenarios of her death.

Minutes passed between Lupin asking Neville about his grandmother or something, the truth was that Leevanna wasn't listening in the least, instead, she was thinking about the Quidditch game that was coming and how she could say that she wanted to be the Bludger and everyone to be a Beater.

She liked Quidditch though, but she was dead awful in it — in every sport but ice-skating. She loved ice-skating. It was graceful and pretty leave lines on the ice.

"Think, Neville, _think_."

" _Riddikulus_!" Neville exclaimed turning Professor Snape's clothes into those of a sixty-year-old lady, which made Leevanna let a genuine laugh from her lips after days. It had been a little chuckle, turning her cheeks slightly rosy and leaving a smile on her lips.

Draco couldn't help but smile sideways when he heard her voice, but his face relaxed quickly as he felt beyond stupid.

He shouldn't be smiling because of her. He shouldn't be even smiling _at all_.

When Lupin said to form a line to face the Boggart, Leevanna made sure to stay at the end of it. Not because she was afraid of what she was going to see, she knew exactly what she was up to, she just didn't want anyone else to see it. She couldn't let the other people see her biggest fear.

She was not weak towards the others, she had to be seen as an imposing Ice Queen. No one had seen her cry or be sad and she would keep it that exact way — although there was a little exception. And those little exceptions were just three people, a very small amount of people who were able to see her weakness and fragility full colour, but she thought they were too many. She needed to kept her weakness just for three people, she could not let that amount grow.

After a couple of students passed, Potter came to ruin the moment causing Lupin to intervene, ending the fun.

When Leevanna walked past him, she made sure to bump his shoulder and make one of her sweet comments.

"Like always ruining the fun, Potter" and she laughed as she turned her body to face the boy. "And check your pants, don't go to be that the scare has come out wet," and she left but not before winking an eye and causing the others around the boy with glasses to snicker.

Although, Leevanna was not a bully, she liked to make pranks on others and say dark-humoured comments, yeah, but she would never joke about someone's insecurities or traumas, she would never punch people or something like that. Her comments were, if we compare them with the ones other people said, inoffensive and just teasingly.

What had happened with Potter in her second year at Hogwarts had been an accident because of that weird and big brain she had. She had felt bad — but she didn't show it —, yeah, but seeing that Potter did not wince or started crying made her feel relieved. She had avoided mentioning that part of his life to all cost since then, but—

She envied him a little — more than a little maybe. A ridiculous amount that was more than a little.

She envied something that nobody would, really. Nobody would even think about it, because it was weird — extremely weird. And pretty alarming too.

She — She envied his parents being dead.

It was more than weird. Nobody knew about it, she knew she had to keep it for herself only or someone would really call a Psycho Healer for they to attend her.

And she did not want that. At least not in front of all the students.

If someone came to Hogwarts to take her to a psychiatric — and she thought they should have done it a long time ago —, she would ask for them to be extremely discreet. Nobody needed to know that she was crazy and needed to be interned immediately. It wasn't their business, just hers.

Nobody needed to had knowledge about her madness and traumas.

༄

Four days after the students were forced to sleep in the great hall thanks to The Fat Lady having been transported to another painting by Sirius Black, all the third-year students were in what would be the class of the Professor Lupin.

So, of course, everyone was surprised when Severus Snape entered the classroom and closed window by window until only one was left for lighting, then he lowered the projector.

"Turn to page 394," said Snape turning his body to face his students.

Leevanna was a bit disappointed of herself for not being able to met Sirius Black when she had the opportunity and ask for him to kill her. Her fifth suicidal plan was screwed up now for her insufferable inefficiency. She was useless even for the simplest things — like being able to commit her own suicide. She was a coward.

Though she was not afraid of dying, she didn't have fear to death at all, she wanted to die so fucking much and let the worms eat her remains as she burns in hell or maybe she plays poker with the Devil... But she was a coward. A bloody coward who couldn't try and kill herself because she thought that she was going to disappoint all the people for not telling them about how was she feeling.

It was an odd combination of thoughts. But her brain worked like that, what else can we do?

_Why don't you just pitch yourself from the Astronomy Tower?_ asked her conscience, like a mini her who looked at her with a frown.

_I don't know_ , her own voice responded, as if the original Leevanna and the fake one were having tea in a normal afternoon. Like a normal conversation between two friends.

The green-eyed stared at the closed window on her side, the page in her book already open, but she was not paying the minimum attention. She knew what they were talking about, she just wasn't interested at all in the subject. She already knew what were werewolves and all that stuff.

She had not had a good night because of the wind constantly blowing through the old beams of the castle kept her from falling asleep causing her to think about her nightmares — to have nightmares.

She hated waking up crying.

She hated crying in general.

But she did it quite often.

That made her hate herself even more for being so weak and such a crybaby who was vulnerable and fragile towards others.

She had been through so many things — she was more than traumatised —... People had done so many cruel things to her that it was impossible not to cry and have nightmares... But she did not like it. She hated it.

The voice of her father always repeated in her head telling her that she was weak, that she was a complete disappointment, that she was fragile, that the people did not like her, that she was guilty of everything that had happened to her, that she was the responsable, that she needed to be punished for her actions, that she needed to be dead. He had said her the last phrase a thousands times now that she had it memorised and repeated it in her head again and again.

She had wished so many times for being made of stone or ice and not pay attention to his cruel words... But she wasn't made of those materials. She was human. She was fragile. She was vulnerable.

That was one of the million reasons she had build her imposing and majestic empire of ice walls. The cruel words would not reach her in that way. Her vulnerability and fragility would be covered in that way. She could pretend that nothing happened to her in that way. She would be secure. She would be protected. She would be praised and feared.

She loved ice — her empire of it. It was lethal and beautiful at the same time.

That's why her in school-house was known as the 'Ice Queen' after all. She was gorgeous but really hurtful and mean when she wanted to.

Although there was one kind of ice she did not like at all.

In simple terms: a pair of icy eyes.

Draco, who was folding a piece of paper over his table and tried not to turn his gaze towards a certain white-haired girl, had found her sitting on the edge of one of the columns staring into the moonlight, but he hadn't had the courage — or the willing — to go over to see what was wrong with her. If she hadn't cared about him, he wouldn't do it for her.

What's more, he should not care about her even if she did it.

_You are afraid of dying_ , said the mini Leevanna.

_I'm not_ , her own voice said.

_You are, you are so afraid of dying that you cannot do anything but wish not to be so_ , and the mini her seemed to make fun of her as she raised an eyebrow, looking at her with superiority.

_I am not afraid of dying_ , her own voice came out defensively, between teeth.

_You want to die, but you are afraid of it, you are a coward who doesn't have the courage to kill herself_ , and the words made her clench her jaw internally.

_I am not afraid of dying!_

Silence. Just silence.

She feels attacked by her own conscience.

_And then why haven't you done it yet?_ The mini Leevanna remained calm.

_I don't know..._

"Leev," called her Lhu in a low tone, the girl turned to see her. "You sure you want to go to the game?"

"You are going to take me anyways," she smiled softly and weakly.

Leevanna was tired.

She wondered if she could ask for those pills she used to take when she was a bit younger. She wanted the drugs. She needed them.

But — But they had been taken away from her. Because she had become an addictive, a dependant.

And she wishes more than anything else in this moment for someone who could give her the drugs she was dreaming about. And she wants to be gone. She needs to be gone.

And suddenly her brain cannot decide. It can't decide if she needs the drugs or be gone.

Through her ears leaks the murmurs of Daphne Greengrass and Lhu. They are talking about who was going to be the winer between the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors in the match. Her bets went to the badgers.

Since Draco had been attacked by the hippogriff named Buckbeak, a month and a half had passed, and in all that time both had made the most offensive jokes and comments to each other. She had transformed him into a frog and he had made her teeth grow a week ago, for put an example.

They weren't in good terms at that moment.

What's more... They were in good terms at any moment? They couldn't be in front of the other for a single second without letting sarcastic and teasing words escape their lips. They just wanted to bother the other all the time. They wanted to reach a point where they were hurting the other so much that the salty water started running. And they had many resources for that.

Malfoy's wolf howl brought the girl out of her thoughts.

"Thank you, Mister Malfoy," Snape said before proceeding to scold Hermione for responding out of time when he hadn't gave her the word. Unlike the hazelnut-haired one, Leevanna was not the type to participate in classes unless a teacher called her. She was a know-it-all, yeah, but that bored the hell out of her.

Her gaze drifted to Malfoy's spot and saw him blow a small paper dove to land on Potter's spot.

He had done the same thing with her a couple of days ago but it's was a drawing of her morphed with a bloody Grindylow that scared the fuck out of her when she unfolded the paper and the draw appeared out of nowhere, like a surprise-box. She did not like clowns either, those things were simply terrifying.

"As an antidote to your ignorance, and on my desk, by Monday morning... Two rolls of parchment on the werewolf, with an emphasis... On _recognising_ it," continued Snape.

"Sir, it's Quidditch tomorrow," Harry recalled, putting the paper dove in his hands.

And as her quill copied by itself the information the Potion's Master had started dictating a few seconds ago after he scolded Potter, Leevanna wondered why Malfoy hadn't come to join her when he saw her sitting in the moonlight the previous night as he usually did.

But why the hell she cared about that? He was not part of those selected people who were able to see her weaknesses, what was the matter if he didn't join her?

She shook her head softly, repeating mentally that she had gone crazy — more than she was already.

༄

And she was there.

With her gaze fixed on the water. The cold water filling the bathtub and growing warmer.

_"STOP! PLEASE!"_

Her eyes close down shut slowly.

_"Please..."_

The sensations still feel like it had happened only yesterday. Maybe that day. Maybe that hour. That minute. That second.

Everything is fresh. She cannot forget. No matter how bad she tries everyday. She isn't allowed to forget. She doesn't deserve it.

_"S-Stop... Ple-Please..."_

Her body hurts. She can feel it. Again. Still as fresh. Like mist, one full of screams and supplications, full of memories.

In her skin it was still the ghost of the white liquid sliding down her limbs, the burning in her lungs when she screamed. It hurt so goddamn bad. She remembers. Every part of it. She had even started praying over and over again, hoping someone would hear her screams. Nobody did. Nobody cared. And she had thought why would they care? She was nothing. Absolutely _nothing_.

She had felt pain and then she didn't feel anything. She had felt numbness, like if she wasn't a person anymore, a human, a fragile one. Her body had felt empty. She had felt like she was drifting into space. She had counted 1862 seconds before she could even move.

She hadn't been able to mentally process what had happened in the moment, so she had pretended it didn't happen for two weeks. When it came back, like a cold shower, it came into her mind that feeling of nausea, the numbness, the ache, the emptiness. She had stopped it by shoving it back in its box and slamming the lid. But she wasn't able to forget anymore, no matter how many times she closes the lid, no matter how many strength she uses, she isn't able to forget.

Her eyes open again when the water stops making so much noise. The bathtub was almost full.

She looked at the water and then looked at the mirror, waiting for something to appear. Maybe a miracle. Perhaps the monster that stalked her at night and ran her sharp, rotten nails over her skin, caressing her while she slept.

Her hands untied the front tie of her satin robe and she pulled her shoulders back, letting the fabric fall over her skin until she made contact with the cold floor. And she thought. And thought.

Her huge mirror made her see two different Leevannas. Or so she believed.

One Leevanna was examining her body, there was not a single scratch, not a mark, not a memory, everything was soft and she, happy and satisfied with it, hastened to put on a nice dress with a smile. She looked happy about being in summer.

The other Leevanna was her, examining the small scars that painted her skin like strokes of a fine brush. She doesn't bother examining her body, she's just looking at her face and certainly not happy about not being in winter. Contemplating how the little slaty diamonds decorate her eyelashes when she blinks.

" _What does it feels like?_ " Asks the Leevanna in the mirror. Her elbows supported on the ceramic and her the palms of her hands being a nice seat to her chin. She wrinkled her nose a little, leaving a smile on the pink doors of her breath and jail of her teeth.

"What are you talking about?" Leevanna asks neutrally.

" _Wanting to be me,_ " chuckles her cruel reflection. " _Wanting to be the one who's in the mirror... The one who doesn't have any memories._ "

And she doesn't know what or how to respond.

On the side of the mirror everything seemed brighter and more colorful. She could even see the rays of the sun creating pale but bright yellow rivers that reveal the tiny particles that are dancing in the air. Her reflection keep smiling. Teasing her with her happy face that is not just a cruel ghost of what her life could have been in another life.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she finally responds making her reflection laugh. And Leevanna thought her laugh was the most annoying sound in the world.

" _I think you do,_ " the other says taking sit on the ceramic and placing her tangled hands over her lap as she looks at her. " _I think you know it was your fault._ "

"Nothing—"

" _But... You also thought she deserved it._ "

And this time Leevanna keeps quiet and a shadow of pain ghosts her face like breeze.

The subject in question had changed drastically and she hadn't even realised it.

" _Ow, did I touch a nerve?_ " Her reflection made a fake grimace of pity before laughing again. " _You know you thought about it... You cannot hide anything from me._ "

"Shut up."

" _Let's see..._ " and she did a thinkers pose ignoring her warning. " _What was the thing you said? Umm... Ah! Got it,_ " she chuckled. " _'She was a filthy Mudblood... My father is right.'_ "

Leevanna closed her eyes again before looking at her with a tense jaw.

"He wasn't right."

" _You know you think like him,_ " the reflection added. " _You know in your brilliant mind exists the carved chip he has been feeding every day, that thought that is tearing your brain apart with its tentacles... You know he's right... You know you are superior... That the Mudbloods deserve punishments... That they are nothing..._"

"Stop."

" _Maybe we should move to the memory that has been in your head for a while now,_ " the evil monster her reflection was sighed. " _You know... The one whose anniversary is close,_ " she looked at her again and smiled softly, innocently. " _When the door opened and he—_ "

"Shut up!"

The Leevanna in the mirror kept smiling before she stood up and placed herself in front of her, as if she was only her true reflection. With the smug smile painting her face, her arm extended and her hand pointed the bathtub. The water was still warm.

"If I do it... You're going to finally leave me alone?" Leevanna asked turning her gaze to look at the bathtub.

The reflection shrugged. " _Let's discover it for ourselves, shall we?_ " and she also turned her gaze to the water.

Leevanna glanced her one second before walking towards the bathtub and climb the few stone stairs to be able to enter one foot in the water.

Her knees glued to her chest and she embraced them with her arms before supporting her cheek on them and close her eyes. When she was finally able to remember everything, she scrubbed every inch of herself with a thin towel in an attempt to excise any trace of the memory that had been in her mind for a while, as her reflection had said. In the process, she examined one of the thin and large scars on her rib cage for a several seconds. As well she did it with the three on her inner thigh. She inspected them all carefully.

The water grew cold around her, but she didn't wanted to leave and enjoyed the sharp, icy pain that sank into her skin after half-hour of being there. She wished it would sink in far enough to numb her mentally and physically.

She rested her head on the edge of the tub and closed her eyes before slowly sliding herself deeper into the cold water that surrounded her. The stinging frozen particles from it made her feel inside her skin like ants running everywhere in every direction possible. When her head was about to submerge completely, she made sure not to take a breath before being pushed away by the force of her memories.

She wasn't scared when the water began to enter her nose and made her internal conducts ache. Nor when her lungs began to beg for air and her chest began to compress, raising that pain to her throat. Inside her head was her heartbeat like an echo muffled by her plugged ears. She opened the doors of her breath and let quantities of water enter her insides. She did not open her eyes at any moment and closed her lips in an involuntary movement as her command center began to flood in the same way. The grip of her hands on the edges of the tub loosened and they slid into the water slowly.

Her body slowly sinking into that black sheet that made her weaker and weaker and she felt the caress of death brushing her cheek and beginning to sing a song that she was ready to sing. Its soft veil enveloped her and her being gradually detached from her soul, which was delicately charged by the arms of the death ready to leave her in the place of the eternal dreams, in where she wouldn't have nightmares and the monster would finally leave her.

And death turned its head, unwilling to leave its new follower when the sound of knocking at the door disturbed Leevanna's sleep.

Death, careless and scared of being discovered, dropped the soul of what would be iys new companion when the door opened. Leevanna's hands tightened again and gripped the edges of the bathtub to give her body strength to push herself out of the water.

Leevanna, panting and with an insane headache echoing through her entire body, noticed the figure of Lhu entering the bathroom.

"Finally, here you are," said Lhu grabbing her hairbrush making her bracelets collide with one an other, tinkling. "You okay?" She asked frowning softly as she brushed her hair and looked at her through the mirror.

"Yeah, yeah," Leevanna responded quickly and closing her eyes. "Wait— wait for me five minutes, I'm not going to delay."

"Ace," Lhu sighed. "The girls and I will be waiting in the common room, see you there," the green-eyed nodded and Lhu left the bathroom not without closing the door first.

Leevanna ran a hand through her wet hair before focusing her gaze on the mirror, where the laugh from her reflection teased her.

༄

It is lonely.

Life.

The path of it.

We born alone, we die alone.

People betray you — the worst part that the betrayal doesn't come from your enemies, if not from the ones you one considered friends, allies.

If we think about it this way, everything is really alone. The stars, for example, they live alone in the dark page that observes us from above, separated from each other. People, however, always find a way to put them together and form constellations, but who asks the stars if they want to be together? Maybe they like the lonely life.

She feels lonely.

There is people at her surroundings, yes, but something just doesn't fit.

She wonders if the people notices she doesn't smile very often. Though she prefers not to do so, she thinks smiles are something that people should earn from one another. Just like laughs and tears. Maybe it is just overthinking so much, people doesn't care about her really, they are just curious.

But she has friends — they could be called _friends_?

She doesn't know.

Her eyes always catch everything around her, the little details life and nature have to offer.

The animals are usually with company, they travel together. They care for their companion's survival. Or maybe don't?

Why do people smile so often though? What is the purpose of doing it anyway? Does it change something? Does it makes things better? She doesn't even remember the last time a truthful smile decorated her face.

It had been a long time ago, she knows.

Her smiles aren't that truthful nowadays, they don't last to much before her lips go down again.

She wonders when she would smile truthfully again. Maybe she wouldn't do it never again. There is too much sadness in her within to do so. She likes it, being sad.

Everything is blue and grey. Black and silver sometimes.

She likes black, how it fades until everything is blank.

She has always seen emotions as colours. Sometimes she sees them as numbers too.

Pain is similar to grey, like a mist around you, suffocating you while the air rasps your throat and the implores tear apart your flesh. Pain is smoke. A dark shade of grey. If it was a number would be an 8, because the shape of it, it is an infinite curve.

Sadness would be an 11, the ones are similar to the drops of tears the clouds shed. If it was a colour it would be regalia, the shade it has in a hand died fabric. It is dark but calm at the same time, feels suffocating though, if you watch it for a long time.

Fear is a wine red, similar to clotted blood. It forms a knot in your throat and doesn't let you breath or speak. You cannot ask for help, though you know you don't deserve it anyway. Nobody is going to come for you. Nobody notices you. As number it would be a 7, its shape is similar to a cut.

Anger would be a dark shade of aquamarine or blue. Like the sea, you drown it it and your vision is blurry. As a number would be 81, she doesn’t know exactly why but that number makes her feel uncomfortable and angry. It has the 8 from the pain and the 1 as a blindfold.

The water though, makes her feel calm. It is weird because she associates it with anger. Maybe it is because her nightmares makes her feel that way and swimming in The Black Lake calms her.

Calm would be colour black. It is quiet and doesn't scares her. Everything is clearly in the dark, doesn't have to feel or hear anything. Doesn't have to pretend. No one can see in the dark. As a number it would be a 0, it represents nothing.

The water makes a quiet sound when her head gets out from it. Her eyes open slowly, feels her lashes wet and heavy from the drops of water. The moonlight lets her see better. Her nose keeps being underwater, but that doesn't matter.

She waits a second.

There is someone else.

The silver light from the sky makes his blond hair acquire a rare glow. His hands are in his pockets, well, one of them because the other keeps being held by a bandage. His head is down, lost in something he had found in the ground.

It isn't the first time she sees him there. She wonders if he has noticed her sometime. Perhaps he doesn't, or ignores her presence. She is very far away anyway and doesn't plan to talk to him or let him know she is there. If she kills herself at that moment he isn't going to notice.

Her eyes move following his movement when he crouches down to catch what it seems is a plane and small stone. She doesn't move, if he throws the stone it's not going to hit her. She is far away.

When he looks up she goes down immediately. It is stupid, but she got scared.

She waits a second. Many seconds.

One stone has been thrown. She could heard the deep sound it made when it drowned at the bottom of the lake. Waits more seconds. He has thrown another one.

Eleven.

Thirteen.

Fifteen.

Seventeen.

Nineteen.

Twenty-one.

She gets out from the water again. Just her eyes and nose. Needs to catch a bit of air.

Now he is lighting a cigarette.

_ Bastard. _

Her eyes narrow. She knew his arm was completely fine and he was just being dramatic. He is using both arms to complete his task.

Once he has lit the cigarette he holds it between his index and middle finger by the side of his body while smoke leaves his mouth.

It is peaceful, see the grey cloud leaving his mouth.

Maybe something or someone has hurt him. He seems grey. His smoke is grey.

She saw his father in the morning. He gave her a bouquet of different shades of pink peonies and asked her opinion for a gift because Narcissa's birthday was on the way.

A rosy crimson had decorated her cheeks for a while as she received the flowers and jar of chocolates she had already devoured. She always said to Lucius that it wasn't necessary at all and she would do anything for him anyways.

_ "Witches deserve gifts and nice things, Leevy," he always said with a closed-mouth smile. "Nothing is prettier than the smile a witch gives you when a gift appears in front of her everyday, even small ones." _

If well her father and mum don't give her any presets, Lucius and Narcissa did.

She wondered if the blond also gave his mum presents everyday. Or if his fatter had said something.

Not that she cared. And less if he was hurt and in pain.

But his smoke was still grey.

His eyes were watching the dark page and white dots above him. Enamoured with the dark landscape the moon painted that early morning.

_ Bastard. _

And she sumerges her head again to swim even more deep. Swimming in loneliness.

Maybe trying to kill her breaths.

༄

"You know what? I'm going to end throwing up from all the fucking hustle and bustle here. See you in the common room later," Leevanna said and Lhu nodded before trying to hug her friend, but Leevanna quickly put her hands in between, preventing her friend from touching her.

She did not hug people.

The people did not touch her.

"Be careful, I'll tell you how it ended," Lhu said goodbye smiling softly as her friend began to go down the stairs nodding. She understood and would never force her to do something the green-eyed wasn't comfortable with.

Leevanna began to walk quickly behind the stands to reach her destiny, when her umbrella went flying due to the wind.

"Great," she snorted starting to run to get less wet as possible. She could feel the big and large drops of water trespassing her clothes and strands of hair making it stick to her face.

When she was halfway the Viaduct Courtyard, she felt an icy aura surround her and this time it wasn't her beautiful empire of ice walls. The girl turned slowly and with fear running through her body.

A Dementor.

A bloody Dementor.

It was a fucking joke right? The universe was playing fucking jokes on her or what?

She didn't have her wand at the time, what was she going to do? Say to it that she needed to go to the bathroom and then run faster than in a marathon? Offer the Dementor a hot cup of tea as they eat chocolate cookies in a tea party dressed like princess?

Yes, she had been joking with her thoughts about receiving the Dementors' kiss and how bad she wanted to die... But — Well... That was not a good moment for her to die.

She needed to left a letter to Lhu and her family or something — maybe just to Lhu.

And — And she needed to get better clothes! Like — Like a black dress or something. And she also needed to fix her makeup and — and a hairstylist to fix her hair — maybe — maybe she could dye it purple—

She couldn't be left on the floor just like — Like that! She would look like a potato which had been left behind! That would be extremely embarrassing!

Oh, God, she was already crazy and now she wanted to laugh. Although she was more than terrified.

That's how her brain worked since _that_ had happened.

Her mechanism of defence against bad situations was making internal jokes which made her laugh in the worst moments to do it. She had not gone to a funeral since she was ten because of that. She always laughed when she saw the person inside the coffin. Her brain made her fix her view on funny things she found and she was fine with it because it was amusing but — But now she was hating the way her brain worked because she could not think about what the fuck she could do to stay safe.

She did not even realise that she had started shedding tears uncontrollably. She stayed frozen in place as the black creature slowly approached her, threatening to attack.

She didn't even have the time to wonder why the bloody Dementor was there if they weren't allowed to approach the school in general.

But she — she realises that she wants to receive the kiss. She wishes it. She really does.

She knows though, she's not going to exactly die if the Dementor kisses her. She's not an ignorant. And it's a pity for her not being one.

She knows that when a wizard or a witch is kissed by those things, their souls are sucked out of their body. Her brain knows the process, she knows that person enters in what Muggles would call a 'Persistent Vegetative State', their bodies are just shells, empty shells that are still alive. A body with nothing worth living for. A body which would not feel a single thing. Because a person would die only if the heart stops pumping blood, the Dementor's Kiss provokes just brain death, only the stimulus response is lost. The person would be irretrievably 'gone', not dead.

She knows that if the Dementor kisses her, all the feeling in the world would be lost in a black mass which would just leave the most scariest of her memories left behind, that she would find her mind locked in a cage with everything that has haunted her through her life.

The Dementor's Kiss is considered to be a punishment worse than death, she knows.

And she thinks that maybe she deserves it, no — there's no 'maybe' — she deserves a punishment worse than death.

Because death wasn't entirely a punishment, it would make her stop suffering, that was not a punishment, it was a gift.

Death meant freedom for her. She doesn't deserve freedom.

Her body was slowly approaching to the Dementor. Ready.

Just when that thing was about to absorb her few — nonexistent — happy memories or maybe dictate her life sentence, the person she least expected to see appeared.

" _Expecto Patronum!_ " Malfoy.

He had stepped in front of her, accidentally throwing her to the ground to protect her. And although the spell would have been really weak — and the Patronus hadn't really shown up at all —, it managed to push the Dementor a bit far enough away that Malfoy had time to yank Leevanna by the arm and run out of there. The green eyes of the girl were full of that salty water which slid down her cheeks uncontrollably as it mixed with the cold water of the rain.

All just happened in matter of seconds.

She didn't see which animal 'protected' Malfoy, she did not even realise that he had touched her, she didn't see if the Dementor was still behind them, for her the world had slowed down and her ears had plugged.

She was in a sort kind of trance.

For the first time in years, she had felt how the fear ran all her tiny body leaving her in a total shock and panic.

She needed to run. She needed to escape. Why she couldn't escape?

She needed drugs. She needed to die.

She — She — She needs to go back. Why — Why he had saved her? No, he shouldn't have saved her. He shouldn't fucking have!

She needs to go back. She — She has this sudden necessity of wanting to run.

But she couldn't — She cannot—

"Are you okay?" Malfoy questioned the girl once they were both inside the Slytherin common room, but she was still in shock and the sound was not leaking to her ears. She hadn't even realised that they were already in the dungeons. "Leevanna," Malfoy called her again, taking her by the shoulders and focusing his gaze on her eyes which were reddened and filled with fear. "Leevanna! Are you okay?!"

"Ye-Yes..." She finally replied in a low tone and trembling.

The boy was able to let out all the air that was contained in his lungs. He had thought that the Dementor had really attacked her because of her trance.

They were both drenched from the rain, their hair plastered to the skin of their faces and looking into each other's eyes.

"We're getting everything wet, go take a bath," Malfoy said removing his hands from Leevanna's body quickly before she realised what he was doing. He should not be touching her. "I'm going to do the same," Leevanna nodded slowly and started walking in the direction of her room still confused, but stopped midway.

She was more than confused.

"Malfoy," she called him and he turned around. She bit her lower lip wondering if what she was going to do was okay.

She wants to punch him, for saving her, for not letting the Dementor leave her like an empty shell who couldn't feel anything. But she also wants to — to do something she hasn't done in a lot of time.

And the voice in her head telling her that she needs to go back with the Dementor, didn't stop her from running up to him and throwing her arms around his neck to hug him. "Thank you," she whispered closing her eyes while her nostrils were soaked in the perfume he used. Draco froze for a second but ended up slowly circling her waist and lifting her off the floor a bit due to her small height.

He hasn't hug another person that it isn't his mum, it feels... It feels _weird_. One because all their clothes are wet and sticky. Two because — well — this is _Vaughan_. He is hugging her. He doesn't understand how her body could feel so warm if the rain was so cold.

After a few seconds, they both slowly separated and, after looking at each other for a second, Leevanna ran back towards the dorm she shared with Lhu.

The girl took a somewhat long bath — as her brain made jokes about the situation and she felt her body slowly getting out of her trance of confusion and mixed thoughts —, staying under the water for several minutes with her eyes closed remembering the smell of Draco when she had hugged him.

Why had she done it?

She didn't know, but it felt good somehow.

What was wrong with her? She did not hug people out of nowhere, she didn't even hug Lhu and now she was hugging him.

But — Wait a damn fucking minute... He had touched her.

Why the fuck she had not pushed him away when he had done it?

She did not like to be touched. By no one.

She did not like it.

She despised it.

She was _afraid_ of being touched.

She always pushed people, or reacted aggressively — but with him she had not done it. Why she hadn't done it?

Why had he had to saved her? Why he had done it? Why had she said _'Thank you'_?

'Thank you' for _what_? For ruining her suicidal plans? For not letting her nonexistent happy memories fade away following the wind? For not letting the Dementor leave her like an empty shell? For corresponding the hug? For touching her?

For fucking what?

He had saved her from the Dementor — even if she hadn't wanted to be saved —, asking nothing of her in return — But any of her close friends would have done the same, right? And he was her friend — or at least she saw him in that kind of way somehow. Then why...?

She shook her head before she could complete the question.

There was no question and voi—fucking—là.

And she would make sure that he would not touch her again.

She left her room already changed and with dry hair, it was still colder than normal. When she met Malfoy in the common room, he was eating a couple of sweets that he had surely found in Crabbe and Goyle's drawers. A low chuckle escaped her lips when she saw how he couldn't open one of them, but she returned to her normal face when she realized what she was doing.

"You conjure a Patronus, but you can't open a simple candy? Genie they call you," she said mockingly as she pointed her wand at the fireplace to light the fire and warm herself and the boy.

"Very funny," he replied rolling his eyes as he put the candy in his mouth.

He didn't tell her that he hadn't conjured a Patronus. He couldn't. And he would _never_ tell her.

They both sat on the sofa at the same time. Separated from the other, clearly.

"What were you doing in the middle of the courtyard when everyone was supposed to be at the Quidditch game?" he asked before taking the already unwrapped candy to his mouth.

"I was going to throw up if I kept watching them play," she confessed with a shrug as she raised her legs to the furniture to hug herself. "They looked like a bunch of newborn ducks or chickens which followed their mummy," and he chuckled softly listening her. "Anyways, What were you doing there? You were supposed to be in the game too."

"Did you forget that I almost died for that bloody chicken Hagrid brought in?" Leevanna laughed. "Madam Pomfrey said I had to come back in one month to have my bandage removed, that's where I was — Well, she actually remove it before the game, but I didn't want to go" the white-haired girl nodded before snorting and complaining that the fire wasn't hot enough. "Put this on,"

His brain did not even think about it.

Leevanna turned her head in Malfoy's direction as he held out the Quidditch robe with his last name on the back, she looked at him with a raised eyebrow and shook her head, refusing to do so. He rolled his eyes before throwing the robe to her face — she had got sacred, but he did not realise.

"Don't be stubborn, yeah?" he snorted. "This bloody thing generates more heat than fucking hell, believe me."

"Fine," she accepted, snorting and putting on the garment and seeing how it was huge on her, so much so that the sleeves managed to stick out of her hands. "Bloody hell, Malfoy. How tall are you? Seven bloody feet?"

"Is it my fault that you are so bloody short?" Malfoy rolled his eyes. "You pray a bloody goblin."

"Are you calling me ugly?"

"...Maybe," Malfoy played looking her up before faking a grimace. "And I thought Griphook was scary."

"You're—a—prat," she said as she gave him a hit between each word with a green cushion that was on the couch. Draco just laughed as he tried to defend himself with his arms. "You're not far behind. Dobby seems cuter to me at this point."

"Oi! That was offensive," then they both laughed genuinely for several seconds until they caught their breath. "Ugh, you made me miss his breakfasts."

He avoided to say: _miss my only friend_.

"Hate to say it, but agree," Leevanna said remembering how the elf had prepared breakfast for both of them when the girl went to Malfoy Manor after they met due to their parents' relationship. "How's Mipsy, by the way?"

"Ah, yeah, fine," he sighed before looking down to smile leisurely. "Missing yours."

"I'll tell Maglor," she nodded slowly and smiling.

Both teenagers remained in silent watching the fire burn the wood in the fireplace. The rain was still pouring violently out there and no one doubted that tomorrow it would continue the same.

"Did you know that Sirius Black is Potter's uncle or something like that?" Leevanna asked after several minutes, Malfoy frowned giving a sense that he didn't know what she was talking about. "I heard it yesterday from McGonagall's mouth. When we go to Hogsmeade in December, some of the professors are going to meet at the town pub to talk about it," the girl shrugged, dismissing the matter. "Don't tell Potter anyway."

"I don't promise anything," the blond laughed.

"It's serious," the girl laughed, pushing him playfully with her elbow.

And the same question passed through their minds, but they didn't know how to ask it. So they preferred not to say anything.

After all, what did it matter? Was something going to change to the case?

Both were against each other, they wanted what the other had. Same goals, different reasons. Their paths were separate, like two parallel lines. Those paths could not cross. It would mess all up. A distraction for their objectives in life.

That afternoon they both spent their time reading books in silence until they fell asleep on the sofa in the common room. Both with their elbows resting on the edge of the backrest and their heads on their hands while the book they were reading rested on their laps; Leevanna with her legs on the sofa and Draco had them in a straight line, and both with their body in the direction of the person in front of them.


	3. Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: drug usage and explicit information of how to do it.

"Listen to me... _Shut up_!"

"Or what?!"

Eyes narrowed, heat growing every second around two bodies. Tension already built. It is constant. An eternal circle of anger.

Just like the number 8, its shape represents infinity, spirals that don't end even with the help of a number 0. It is curious because if you part both circles of the eight you get a zero. Infinity comes also with a 1, a blindfold tied behind your head.

Anger is like the number 81.

The darkest shade of all blues together. A sea that drowns you until the air decides to abandon you in the deepest of the abysm of despair. Lava from a volcano that burns and then dries leaving the hopes of breaths down a blanket of darkness.

"Or fucking what, Malfoy?!" she yells. "What are you going to do, huh?!"

And he pushes her. Doesn't use to much strength but it still manages to make her go back a few steps.

"Shut your fucking mouth!" his muscles are tense, crimson is climbing his neck, warming his body and raising the temperature.

Jealousy could be colour pink, like a peony. It is such a beautiful colour but then you get tired of it and becomes annoying, suffocating, hateful. It turns to a yellowish kind of green because it merges with anger and fear. The ugliest of the colours without any doubt.

The peony pink once it was now is dark and smells bad, releases a kind of yellowish-green smoke that looks like sickness. That is jealously.

Its like number 5, sharp and with the hint of having an eighty-one inside.

The demon inside you stiffens up; it is tense, alert. It scrapes one finger along the bottom of your stomach, yellowish-green as iris and hungry. Is a fire within you, burning away all logic and reason and good feeling — all that remains is hatred, irrational anger, and resentment. A twisting in your stomach.

Dead peonies, smelling bad.

And all because of a letter. Two in this case. One with more words than the other. But with the same love, just that one of them doesn't realise it and feels bitter.

Jealousy is a bitter flavour and its texture is sandy and dry.

Things around them are exploding. Some papers are in fire, smelling like burned hopes and words none get to read or hear.

It had started at breakfast, when the Malfoys' owl entered the Great Hall with one parchment attached to its foot and beak holding two letters.

All had been fine. Calm. Then the peony's pink started to wilt in shades of dark aquamarine.

Draco had received one of the letters and the parchment with the response of a summer class he wanted to take as a preparation for the Ministry. He had been happy or at least a smile had painted his face until he saw for _who_ was the other letter. He had slid it across the table until it reached Leevanna's place.

She had stopped eating under Lhu's gaze and opened the envelope seeing that it was sent by Narcissa Malfoy due something the green-eyed had asked her days ago.

Minutes later an owl from the Ministry of Magic came and land in front of Leevanna. Offering practically the same the piece of parchment Draco had received.

Leevanna didn't mean to, but it was in her blood. Maybe she said _'Don't even think about it, Malfoy, I'm the next Minister of Magic'_ and maybe he answered with _'Surely they don't want a kid with psychological problems.'_

Her face had grown red from anger before she threw a goblet of pumpkin juice to him in response. And well, he threw a jar of peach yoghurt at her.

Pretty good way to start a morning.

Yells for here, screams for there until both were covered in food and were held by their friends before they could even think in start punching each other.

A few hours later, he decided it was a good idea to accidentally set on fire one of her books and she responded with burning the piece of parchment he had received.

"Don't you _dare_ to put another of your filthy tosser's fingers on me!" and now is her turn to push him. She uses more strength than he had.

"You don't fucking touch me, you whore!"

And she just slapped him.

His head turned aside, red cheek and the mark of her hand throbbing in his skin. It hurts because she has rings that day and now a thread of blood is going down the corner of his mouth.

"Don't you _EVER_ call me a whore again!" she yells pointing him with her finger. "Did you fucking hear me?!"

"Don't you _DARE_ to hit me again!" his hands push her again. His voice is deeper and even louder than hers.

Both breathing heavily, chests and shoulders rising and going down.

Her hand stings and burns. It is numb.

"That position is _MINE_!" she screams pushing him in return too, ignoring his recent warning.

"Oh, _PLEASE_! You can fucking barely hold yourself and you want to hold a Ministry!" he pushes her again too.

"Don't fucking talk about problems because I have A LOT of things for you!" her hands shove him off yet again.

"GO ON!" he yells. "Fucking finish your fucking idea!" he repeats her action seeing her go a few more steps back. "I have A LOT of things for you too!"

Eyes narrowed, heat tense as a thread of life and anger at its maximum shining.

"Both of you—"

" _WHAT DO YOU WANT?!_ "

Both have responded at the same time and turned their heads just to find Severus Snape raising both eyebrows.

"Could you care to explain why is Mister Malfoy bleeding and Mis Leevanna with her wand out?" the professor's tone is calm, arms crossed over his chest.

And the two of them start talking at the same time.

"—she's a feral animal—"

"—he started—"

"—fucking mental—"

"—threw me peach yoghurt—"

"—and she pumpkin juice first—"

"—his fault—"

"—burned my letter—"

"—called me a whore—"

"— _attacked_ me—"

"—fucking _tosser_ —"

"—I'm bleeding because of her—"

"— _he_ is the problem—"

"— _she_ is the psychotic one—"

"Just shut up," Severus closes his eyes, overwhelmed by so many words. "Both of you, detention."

" _Why_?!"

And the Potions' Master raises an eyebrow again, with a face that says 'You really want to know?'

"But is _his_ fault—"

"If _she_ wasn't such a bitch—"

"—always does something against me—"

"—calling St Mungo’s would be a good idea—"

"— _he_ always fucking starts—"

"—it is _her_ fault—"

" _Silencio_ ," Severus rolls his eyes and turning to leave the dungeons.

Both keep talking in silent, following their House Teacher through the hallways for him to let them speak again.

༄

When the snow started to fall, already in the middle of November, Leevanna sneezed from her bed.

"I am not—" _sneeze_ "—sick!" she complained before twisting in her bed as a whim before she sneezed again making Lhu laugh.

"You are bloody burning," the curly-haired said as she brushed her hair. "And not in a good way this time."

"It's not that bad," Leevanna huffed as she stood up from the bed. "See? I can—" and she stumbled falling back on her bed. "Fucking jelly legs," she muttered angrily and Lhu laughed even harder.

"How did you even get sick?" The curly-haired asked as she zipped up her school skirt. "You were fine two days ago," and Leevanna looked at her nails pretending she didn't know anything. "I swear to God if you still go swimming to the Black Lake in the middle of the night—"

"Just... Twice," she mumbled as she looked up slowly. "...Before it froze..."

"And for sure then you went to the library to read still all wet," Lhu rolled her eyes as she knotted her green tie. "Merlin knows you're a case when you want."

"I was bored," Leevanna sighed. "And I was also having nightmares... I thought it would be a good idea to relax my mind..." she muttered before wrapping and covering herself with the covers and becoming a tiny ball under the faux fur velvet, fluffy duvet colour black.

"I've told you a thousand times that you need to wake me up when you're having nightmares," Lhu sighed as she sat on her best friend's bed and placed her hand on her over the duvet.

"Sorry," she muttered under the sheets as she became smaller. "Are you going to go for breakfast?" She asked uncovering her face to look at her, Lhu nodded placing some kind of transparent but sparkly lipstick on her lips. "Well... You already know who to say that I'm sick."

"Good morning, my beautiful ladies!" the voice of Theodore Nott made the two girls look at the door, which had been open abruptly.

"Could you not broke our door?" laughed Lhu standing up.

"You ask too much, darling," he sighed before jumping to Leevanna's bed making her laugh. "And why are you not ready?"

"I'm sick," she sighed before she sneezed again.

" _Aw_..." Theo said with a cheesy tone pinching one of her cheeks before she slapped his hand. "You heard that, blondie? She sneezes like a kitten!"

"I heard her from the hallway," Draco chuckled leaning his back on the door's frame and placing his hands inside his pockets. "Oi, Grindylow, what happened to you?"

The things were better between the two, at least civilised conversations could be made.

She took off her middle finger. "Nothing that should concern you, Oxygenated, I'm sick, that's all," she sighed and then coughed due to her sore throat. "Oi, Theo! I'm cold! Stop stealing my bloody comforter!"

"But— It's so bloody fluffy and soft," the boy said as he wrapped himself inside it, leaving the girl just covered with her sheets. "Malfoy, you need to try it, mate."

"Make room," the blond said before throwing himself on the bed. "For holy Merlin's sake... Vaughan, you sleep in the fucking clouds," he said as he also wrapped himself in the duvet.

"Could you stop stealing — Get out of my bed!"

"Why the hell are you taking so bloody long?" said Blaise arriving the scene. "Move your flat, plain arses, I'm fucking starving."

"I'll move my hot arse after you try this," Theo said from the bed before extending a hand for the dark-skinned to also lay down on the bed.

"Why are you all in Vaughan's bed?" Blaise frowned as he approached and laid down. "Holy hell... This is heaven."

"Told you," said Draco and Theodore at the same time with their eyes closed and letting themselves get lost in the warmth the duvet had.

"Get the fuck out of my bed!" exclaimed Leevanna trying to recover her comforter as she hit the three boys with her pillow and tried to push them away without any success because of her muscle pain and weak body. It was a stroke of luck for her that her bed was big enough so as not to have the boy's too close.

"Sh, we're trying to sleep here, witch," Draco shushed her as he also grabbed the pillow to then put it under his head. "I swear, mate, I'm in the fucking clouds."

"From fucking where did you get this?" asked Theo grabbing another pillow to put it under his head just like his friend had done. "From The fucking Eden?"

"It's—" said Leevanna between teeth as she tried to recover her pillow and coughed repeatedly. "—from—Egypt," she huffed starting to feel more discomfort in her body. "Get out!" she complained doing a childish whim. The little tears filled up with anger crystallising her vision.

"She vomited on that last year," said Lhu tying her robes looking herself in the mirror before turning her head to her friends. Blaise was the first to get out. "And I vomited on it last month."

"I'm out! I'm out!" said Theodore getting up quickly not knowing that the curly-haired was lying from the beginning. "Mate... _Gross_ ," he said towards Draco, who was still wrapped on the bed.

"He—" began Blaise approaching his friend. "Is he really asleep?" He chuckled seeing him frown softly between his dream.

"Mate... Mate, are you dead?" Asked Theo frowning because his friend wasn't moving. "I think he's dead."

"Oh, no," said Leevanna grabbing a free pillow. "If you die, do it on the fucking floor," and she hit the blond with the also fluffy pillow. "Get — the fuck — _uuuup_!"

"Merlin's bloody sake, witch, shut up," complained the boy trying to cover himself from the blows with his arm.

"Well... He's not dead," shrugged Theo.

"Stop hitting me!" said Draco with a sharp voice as Leevanna kept doing it. "My — head — you — _o_ _w_ , stop!"

"Get out of my bed!" she growled grabbing the cover to avoid touching him as she pushed the blond out of the bed with all her strength.

"Salazar's sake, witch," he huffed after he fell sitting on the floor. "I swear you hit my brain."

"Do you have one?" she frowned confused before he took off his middle finger.

"Come on," laughed Lhu passing her arms around Theo and Blaise's shoulders making them bow to reach her height. "Let's go for breakfast and leave Miss Sick alone," she chuckled waving goodbye to her friend. "See you in the break!"

"Sweet dreams, Ice Queen!" Said Theo as they walked.

"Ayo, are you going to get out or what?" Asked Leevanna towards Draco, who was staring a music-ballerina box on the dressing table which had the inscription _'Leev – 10th bd.'_

"Oh — yeah, yeah," he reacted turning his body to see her. "See you around, Vaughan," and he closed the door.

Leevanna sighed relieved and stood up from

her bed to re-accommodate the bed herself, she would have used her wand, but the dressing table was too far and she didn't want to walk. A few seconds later she wrapped herself again in the comforter as she twisted in pleasure against the pillows.

"Fucking hell, this is certainly the clouds," she muttered closing her eyes to sleep some more hours.

It was curious that the green-eyed was sick, really sick. She usually stayed long hours in the garden of the school with wet hair after a shower or swimming in the Black Lake, but these recent weeks, she had been doing it when the lake was almost frozen, but — why?

A normal person would say: _'If the water is almost frozen, I will wait until summer.'_

Leevanna Vaughan, on the other hand, would say: _'If it doesn't kill me, it could relieve my nightmares.'_

And it certainly does. It relieves her nightmares in a good per cent — at least the not-so-scary ones.

She had tried everything, from aromatherapy to potions, nothing helps. Just her estrange addiction of going swimming in the almost frozen water.

She loves how the fine and fragile sheet of ice surrounds her body leaving a sensation of warmth inside her as she just lets herself be immersed and sank until her body is just floating in the middle of the water, her ears plugged and the darkness surrounding her, or maybe the moonlight illuminating her way as a ray making the bubbles shine like crystals. Everything was slower underwater. The cold travelling every single part of her body pore by pore, reaching her veins and pressing her skin as if she was contracting to become stone, caused her an immense feeling of comfort. Comfort she knew she didn't deserve.

The silence the Black Lake had was another thing she found the most comfortable experience in the entire world. Just listening to the tiny waves collide with each other and the wind creating a symphony with the leaves of the tress. Seeing the glorious landscape the light of the twilight painted over the horizon, sliding down the hills and finally making the water glow.

The cold in her body was comforting.

And that's a guilty pleasure she doesn't want to share with anyone else.

༄

A week later, Draco huffed before wetting the quill in the black ink to continue writing. He was running out of time for the deadline of his Arithmancy essay and he also needed to complete the other one for Defence Against the Dark Arts.

"I swear I'm going to pitch myself from the fucking Astronomy Tower one of this days," he mumbled between teeth when his calligraphy didn't convince him at all and he needed to use another piece of parchment to start again from the beginning.

He was a bit angry with himself and he had a lot of motives to be, because — what — _what the hell_ was fucking wrong with him?

First of all, since when did he run out of time for a deadline in his entire life? He always handed his homework on time, a week before the bloody deadline if we need a date. He was extremely responsible and careful with school stuff because he didn't want to disappoint his parents, and now the bloody professors had had to remind him the bloody deadline. Since when did that happen? Since when he was so distracted and careless with school?

Another thing was that his house-mates were always going to Lhu and Vaughan's dormitory to smoke or just bother the second one. And that shouldn't be a problem or something similar because he loved to piss her off at any time but — yesterday, the last time they had gone, she was peacefully sleeping wrapped in her comforter next to a book about princesses and — and she looked... He didn't know how to describe it but — for the first time, he — he felt this weird thing... Some kind of — he didn't know how to express it. It had been something that made him say: _'she looks in peace, don't bother her.'_ He had actually whispered it as if he had been saying it for himself but — his friends had been able to listen to him and frowned playfully before he realised what he'd said.

Salazar's holy sake, he was going mental.

Maybe he was sick. Yeah, he was definitely sick. That should be the answer to his weird behaviour this last week. Maybe Vaughan had infected him with her germs.

He was definitely not going to her dorm again, at least until she was fully recovered from the flu she had. He despised being sick. Though he wasn't very sure if he was sick because he'd no symptoms.

Maybe it was a different type of flu. Nothing new to worry about. Later he would go to the hospital wing to see if he was okay or not.

His head turned when he heard a noise.

"I swear to bloody Merlin, I'm fucking dumb," growled the girl behind the shelf. "You know, Leevanna? They call you fucking butter hands. Fucking dumb you are, that's why you're not in Ravenclaw. Stupid, stupid," she muttered between teeth picking up the books before she coughed. "Your fish died because of this. _'I want to caress the fish.'_ You stupid little—"

"Talking to ourselves, are we?" Draco chuckled lowly, leaning his head on the side of the shelf with his hand in his pockets.

Leevanna jumped, throwing her books again.

Draco pressed his lips avoiding laugh.

"Who the fuck caresses a fish?" he asked frowning softly with a smile.

"Shut up," she snapped quickly and her cheeks acquired a little rosy tone that extended until it reached her nose as she crouched down to grab her books again.

"I thought you weren't leaving your room until next week," he said handing her a book that had fall near him.

"I was going mental inside that bloody dorm without doing anything and I already finished reading all my books," she huffed scratching her eye with her wrist. "I need to go back to school."

"Aw, did you miss me so much, Vaughan?" his voice was cheesy before he pinched her cheek making her slap his hand. "Merlin, you have a fucking whip instead of a hand or what?"

"In your dreams I'm going to miss you," she sighed. "And, _ow_ , it hurt?" she said doing a pout as she approached before she slapped his hand again. "Here, double pain. Enjoy it."

"Ha. Ha. Very funny from your part," he rolled his eyes moving his wrist circularly to calm the pain her hand had caused. "I have homework to complete, so... See you later, Grindylow."

"I hope not seeing you later," her face contracted in a grimace of disgust as she looked him up and down. "Goodbye, Oxygenated."

And he chuckles as he watches her came out through the library doors. He frowns.

The hell was wrong with him?

"I'm going mental, nothing new," he murmurs between teeth before he sat down to continue with his essay.

༄

Draco scratched his eye with his wrist before yawning. It was one in the early morning and he just woke up out of hunger — though he knew he was just bored and maybe eating something would fill that.

It turned out he wasn't sick. At least Madam Pomfrey had said that to him, and also that maybe it was a decompensation due to the cold climate and he just needed to rest and to stay warm to not catch a real flu. That was all. Nothing else to worry.

He grinned maliciously when he saw a white-haired head from a study table in the common room. Leevanna was sitting with a lot of books around her, the same ones he'd seen her carrying in the library when they met by chance.

He approached her carefully and pressed her lips to avoid laughing when he saw her asleep over a book.

" _Boo_ ," he whispered in her ear.

The girl woke up suddenly by screaming as she fell out of the armchair. Draco burst into laughter.

"Fuck it! Malfoy!" She growled still sitting on the floor before getting up to sit again on her armchair. "I swear you rest me life years every time we meet."

"What are you doing here so late?" He asked her as he sat on the armchair next to her. His early morning snack could wait a few minutes.

"Fucking homework," she buffeted. "I didn't go to classes for a week and I swear you completed the whole fucking Bible. The Quran too maybe."

"You have a master's degree in being exaggerated, Merlin's sake," he rolled his eyes playfully before grabbing a parchment and see what she'd been doing.

"Oh, now I'm the exaggerated one?" she laughed sarcastically. " _It's killed me! It's killed me!_ " she dramatised placing a hand on her forehead. "At least I'm not a big baby."

"Fuck you," she chuckled when he took off his middle finger. "You have Muggle Art?" he frowned looking at her books.

"It's interesting and not that bad," she shrugged. "I have Art too," a low sigh left her lips. "Did you know that Muggles had this thing called Realism?" he shook his head. "The artist portrayed life from the depths of an unordered urban land, and it was awesome," she smiled enthusiastically as she showed him a page of the book. "They painted about poverty, misery and despair."

"Why would someone paint about those things?" he looked at her with a soft frown. None of them realised they were too close, with their hands almost brushing. "Muggles are odds."

"Yeah, sometimes," she chuckled. "But look," she pointed a picture on the page, "even if it doesn't move, they painted this so well that I swear I can feel how the people felt at that time... The despair they had because there was no food or money and they didn't know if they were going to survive."

And he looks at her and sees her eyes sparkling as she talks about art and pretty things like that and — and he has never been so interested in something as he's now.

They spent an hour or maybe two just talking and talking, well — she talks and he hears her, smiling and chuckling every time she gets mad for the things Muggles did.

"Um — Oh, Gods, look at the hour," she realises when her gaze upped to the clock. "Merlin, you should be bored of me talking and talking already."

"Actually no," he whispers as she grabbed her things to go and try to sleep at least one hour before classes. She hadn't listened to him. "You're still sick?" He frowned when he saw her red cheeks when he placed his hand on her forehead.

She shudders a bit at his cold touch.

And he doesn't know why he put his hand.

"Something like that," she murmured by looking up, encountering with her eyes, he still didn't pull out his hand.

"You are warm..."

"You are cold..."

They are barely audible whispers as if they were just talking for themselves. Two seconds, just two seconds of eye-contact before both realised what were they doing.

"Er, um — I — I should be going now," she babbles getting up after he took off his hand of her and both clarified their throats.

"Er — yeah, yeah — of course," he says also standing up and running the fingers through his hair as his left hand remains in his pocket. "You — um — your book."

"Oh — yeah, sorry," and she avoids all eye-contact as she grabbed the book he was handing her. "I — see you, Malfoy."

"Yeah — s-see you, Vaughan," he stuttered as both walked in different ways.

What the hell had been that?

And Draco thinks he should go to the hospital wing again because Pomfrey had definitely lied to him earlier, because now he feels most of his face warm.

He's sure he's definitely sick.

༄

"What's that?" Asks Daphne Greengrass with a soft frown and pointing something Theodore Nott had in his hands.

"It—"

Blaise Zabini threw a cushion at his friend before he could even open his mouth well to answer the girl's question.

"Did you just hit my precious face?" Asked Theodore placing a hand on his chest and Blaise nodded. "Dammit, mate, you woke up today and choose violence? I know you're jealous of my mesmerising beauty, but you don't need to disfigure me."

"Sit your plain arse down, Nott," Blaise said rolling his eyes before continue writing his essay.

"Leev, I don't understand," said Lhu with a pout before handing her book to the green-eyed. "What the hell did you do here?"

"It's a calculation," she answered normally.

"You cannot add negative numbers to positive ones, they are supposed to be subtracted," huffed Lhu. "The fuck did you do? The worst thing is that is correct! How did you do that?"

Leevanna shrugged and left her book aside to explain it to her friend.

"I didn't do a calculation per se," she sighed. "I chose any number and counted down, the numbers decreased so I continued with the negatives, once I got to the number I wanted, I took the negatives and converted them to positives to be able to add them to the initial number I chose, I removed the excess ones to match the answer given and that's it."

Everything went silent.

Leevanna took a liquorice cherry wand and bite it as she passed her gaze through her friends.

"My gormless brain is rubbish, I'm not even going to try to understand that," said Theo before pulling Pansy's homework to his side and copy the answers.

"And what Theo had in his hand is drug," Leevanna sighed as she went back to her writing.

"How did she—?!" Theo looked at her scared. "Are you even from this fucking planet?"

"It wasn't so difficult," she shrugged before raising her gaze and giving her liquorice wand another bite. "I recognise that bag, I saw them in hands of some fourth-years in the common room party from last week."

"Well, drugs and whatever in another chat," said Lhu. "I didn't understand a shite about what you said."

"The final answer is 10, but the problem is divided in two, so the first answer you get is 2000," Leevanna sighed, "but they tell you you have to give a number less ten," Lhu nodded slowly as she saw Leevanna writing, "so, if you count backwards you reach -10, now you convert that to the positive line, you obtain 10, you add that to the initial number you said, that is 1997, now you have 2007... You extract those 7 numbers extra and voila, 2000."

"And how the fuck you get to the ten?"

"That's the second part, and for that you need to do all again with numbers that are extra, so 7 minus -10 is equal to -3, you pass the 3 to the positives, now the final answer (7+3) is 10, so is easier because you don't need to subtract anything at the end. That's it."

"Vaughan, could you—"

"Don't even think about it, Theo," she chuckled before biting her candy. "It's very simple, they're just numbers."

"Is easy for you because you have an extra-large brain," and she rolled her eyes when through her ears leaked the sound of Malfoy's voice. "Now, the simple mortals, like us, don't enjoy numbers and think they're pretty consuming."

"And who the fuck summoned you? Fucking Jesus?"

"Oi, woken up with the left foot, haven't we?" the blond chuckled and took seat next to Blaise. "And this is my dorm if you haven't noticed, Vaughan," she took off her middle finger and rolled her eyes.

"But you are not a simple mortal either, Malfoy," said Daphne. "Have you even seen your fucking grades? Merlin with you two, those brains of yours are fucking spooky sometimes."

"Who's the first in our class?" Asked Pansy Parkinson unwrapping a candy Leevanna had just given to her.

"Mudblood," spit out Draco between teeth. "Then, fighting for the unwanted second place, we have Vaughan and me."

"But Vaughan is more intelligent than Granger," Pansy frowned.

"And _me_ what?!"

"I don't really know," the green-eyed responded ignoring the blond's complain. "I've never evaluated my intelligence in that way and I don't like to participate in class and be an insufferable know-it-all so that's why I'm in second, next to our twat, Malfoy."

"I don't even assist classes sometimes and most are so bloody boring, so, yeah," the blond sighed. "That's why I'm in second too."

None of them looked at each other, actually, they went blank for a moment. Thinking back to their parents' words about their failure in school.

Lucius had been crueller with his son, he had yelled almost a complete day about a Mudblood being cleverer than him in his first year at Hogwarts. He hadn't said anything about Leevanna, he just scolded his son. Draco, since that moment, had started being even more cautious with school stuff but never told anyone. But, the problem was his anxiety episodes, when he couldn't leave his dorm not even to eat.

Now, for Leevanna's case, her father had just gazed at her and said « _disappointment, as always_ » and then left the room in complete silence leaving her with a clenched jaw. She hadn't said anything or complain about it, but she couldn't help and get affected by his words. Though she never did anything to reach first place.

"What's the name?" The voice of Daphne brought back both teenagers to reality. She was referring to the small bag Theo had just taken out from his robes.

"How was it? Um... Oh, yeah, opium," replied Blaise making aside his school books. "Though you're not going to use it."

"Fucking misogynistic," mumbled Daphne between teeth. "Why?"

"Are you barking mad? Us three have done it before and know what it does to our body, you haven't even smoked and I'm not going to risk a chance to have detention because you had a seizure on our carpet," said Blaise firmly.

"But Theo's giving it to Pansy!"

The five turned their heads to the aforementioned ones, who stopped what they were doing and smiling innocently.

"Wait, but the opium isn't supposed to be eaten raw?" frowned Lhu softly.

"It can be actually also ingested as a pill, made into a tincture for drinking or, what they're going to do, be smoked," sighed Leevanna.

"No that you don't like to be insufferable?" Draco raised an eyebrow playfully before taking grabbing the opium pipe from its place next to the lamp and utensils. The pipe had a stem made out of stained bamboo decorated with metal. The bowl was attached to a white metal mount set with decorative stones.

"Fuck off," she took off her middle finger and he chuckled before grabbing a lighter. "I want to try it too."

"I'm not going to risk having to take you three to the fucking hospital wing after your seizure, forget—"

And Daphne, Leevanna and Lhu looked at him with pouts and intertwined hands as a beg. Their eyes began to even sparkle.

"Don't look at me like that," said Blaise helping Draco with his task.

But the three continued looking at him like that and intensified everything. Leevanna even started shedding tears.

"Don't — Vaughan, _stop_ , I'm not — Oh, for Salazar's sake, _fine_! Have at it!"

Leevanna chuckled and wiped her tears with the knuckles of her thumbs before smiling and grabbing the opium pipe Theo was handing her.

"Dammit, mate," laughed Draco. "If I've known I just need to start crying to get something from you I would've done it a lot time ago."

"Shut it," growled the dark-skinned before throwing the lighter to Leevanna, who went blank for a second before doing the same procedure Theo and Blaise had done to lit the spirit lamp.

"How am I supposed to do this?" She asked frowning confused once the lamp was lit.

"Set yourself comfortable, Ice Queen," said Theo chuckling. "Is most efficiently smoked in a reclining position."

The green-eyed did what Theo said and waited the next instructions. Her black cat, Nix, had jumped over her.

"Now, take a pea-sized ball from the paste's bag and grab the end of the long needle," said Blaise. "Hold it over the flame of the lamp until the bubble swells and turns golden."

At the same time he stretched the gooey mass into long strings in order to 'cook' it better, repeating the procedure several times under her attentive gaze.

"Now roll it back into its pea-shape and quickly push it into the hole in the bowl," continued Theo helping Pansy with the same. "And hold the bowl close to the flame so that it hits the ball of opium."

"Okay," sighed Draco. "Take a deep (and I mean it), deep pull at the pipe until it is completely consumed."

Half hour later, once the other two girls had also done it, they don't feel hugely euphoric. They don't feel intensely pleasurable. They don't feel like they're on drugs.

They just feel nice. _Very_ nice.

It's like the feeling on a bright Saturday morning, you've just had your favourite breakfast. Nothing troubles you and you're in a satisfactory mood because you've got the whole weekend ahead for you. The sun is out. You've got a fun evening scheduled.

Now, for Leevanna, who hates the sun, feels like she is under the almost frozen water of The Black Lake and the moonlight is filling with light her path making the little bubbles sparkle. The stars decorating the dark-blue ocean above her.

That's how opiates makes her feel. In _peace_.

It's not intense. It's just nice. She feels nice, just slightly itchy and slightly nauseous. Thats all. Just really nice. Comfortable. At ease.

All is good in the world. No need to worry about anything.

The pillow under her head felt divine, as if her head was melting into its fluffy and cold surface.

She has never felt this relaxed formerly, just swimming in The Black Lake is synonymous. Just touching her fingers together was sensational and running a hand through her hair felt like the most brilliant thing she'd ever done. Everything felt so perfectly in place.

And she thinks she has just discovered another way to relieve her outrageous nightmares.

Daphne laughed.

"What?" Asked Pansy laid over her abdomen.

"If we were in a war, Leevanna and Malfoy would be like these generals who are super serious but if they are drunk are bloody funny," Daphne chuckled, running her fingers through her best friend's hair.

"Oh, wait — you're right," laughed Lhu. "I can see them wearing fancy uniforms with lots of medals and arguing over strategies."

"Certainly mines would be the correct ones," both said.

"No, of course not," said Draco sitting down. " _Mines_ would be the bests."

Leevanna also sat down. "No, _mines_."

"Mi—"

"If you start fighting I'm going to throw you two out of the room," laughed Theo.

Both laid down again after growling softly.

"But don't manifest," sighed Leevanna. "Be at war would be unpleasant."

"No if you're in the winner side," shrugged Pansy. "I mean that if you have privileges you would be able of just supervising attacks and discussing tactics, you could even leave."

"Yeah," sighed Blaise. "But a lot of people would die everyday."

"Some deserve to die," said Leevanna.

"And what about the innocent people?" frowned Daphne.

"No one is completely innocent," the green-eyes sighed. "We all are sinners, some of us deserve death, some of us deserve to live with the punishment of trauma, but we all are sinners."

"Even God?"

"Even that motherfucker."

_She was there, with salty rivers running down the hills of her pale skin._

_"You should have kept her safe," she cried looking at the dark ocean filled with little, shining white points. "I_ prayed _, for Salazar's sake! A fucking lot! And you did nothing!"_

༄

The 18th of December, everyone was getting ready to go to the town of Hogsmeade for the weekends' visit.

Over the course of the past five weeks, Leevanna and Draco haven't stopped playing cruel pranks to the rest of students for a single moment — especially Gryffindors —, which had caught the attention of many, as they generally played them separately.

There were several students with tentacles on their faces and others with jelly extremities. Some of them also had coloured hair.

Blue and yellow were the ultimate fashion at Hogwarts school.

Before leaving with Lhu and Malfoy's group, Leevanna was struck by an oar of footsteps in the snow, so she followed them until she saw Harry Potter and the Weasley twins talking about a mischief map. The girl quickly left her hiding place in order to reach the others.

"Why did you take so long?" Lhu asked her best friend as she linked her arms to walk together, something they did most of the time. Leevanna's idea so as not being hugged by her best friend.

It had taken years though, for her adjusting at that type of touch — even if she had been the one who suggested it.

She still shuddered a bit.

"I found out that Potter has a map that tells you where everyone is and where there are secret passages," the white-haired one confessed with a smile. "The Weasel-Bee twins gave it to him, apparently it's so he can come with us to Hogsmeade."

"Ohh, I heard about that map," Lhu said laughing. "Hell, I was looking for it, I wanted to have it myself to go to the kitchen to steal some of the chocolate cakes."

"And you weren't going to invite me?" Leevanna asked with a raised eyebrow in Lhu's direction.

"I had to get the map first," Lhu laughed, "Ah, too bad. Bloody Potter, all because You-Know-Who didn't kill him."

"Bloody hell, I _am_ a bad influence on you," Leevanna said as she let a laugh escape her lips. Usually, she was the one who made that kind of jokes.

Leevanna was in a good mood.

She hadn't had any nightmares all that month, just escapes in the middle of the night to read a book or two, sometimes with Malfoy, sometimes alone. Lhu had prohibited to her to go to The Black Lake in the middle of the night, so she hadn't gone since November, and also because it was already frozen and she couldn't swim in it. But she had ice-skated.

As soon as they arrived in the small village, both girls were devoted to bought sweets and some clothes for their trips to the village. And they talk and talk all that time, laughing and smiling as they gossip about the things that are happening currently at Hogwarts.

Leevanna considered Lhu the only best friend she had, she understood her and had always kept her secrets from the moment they met.

Lhu knew so many things about her and she was not afraid of her — Leevanna was very grateful for that. It had taken months for her to start trusting Lhu without any type of filter, but she had succeeded. Lhu was part of the three selected people Leevanna could fully trust and let her weaknesses confront the world.

And Lhu did not judge her. Not a single bad look for expressing her weird thoughts. Not a single reproach. Not a single tear or shocked gasp. Not a single pity-look.

Just a reassuring smile in a way to tell her that she would be there for her always, that she would never go anywhere, that she would never abandon her.

Leevanna loved Lhu with all her heart, but she would not tell her. At least until she is totally prepared to say it.

She was never going to say it out loud being honest, she wasn't prepared and she didn't think she would be able to say 'I love you' out loud to someone — or herself — ever, and that was definitely the fault of her parents and the way she had been raised — traumatised. She had not been raised for her parents, she had been and is still being traumatised and mentally and physically abused. She had been raised for someone else, someone who really cared and cares about her.

But she tried to show she cared about her in her way. Leevanna loved and cared in a different kind of way.

She thought that 'love' was another very strong word... But not strong enough.

She didn't believe that the forces of love and the magic of the rainbow could against evil, that only happened in fairy tales with princesses who find their Prince Charming and live a delightful life with butterflies and their Fairy Godmother. In real life, the cruel world, you were alone and the one with the most power always wins.

Or at least that was how she saw it.

 _Power_ was the strongest word for her.

She loved that word.

It meant the ability to do something or act in a particular way, a faculty or quality. The capacity to direct or influence the behaviour of others or the curse of events. Control things. _Emotions_.

"Oi! Vaughan!" both girls turned quickly upon hearing Malfoy's voice. "Watch out!" and as soon as she was about to respond, the blond threw a snowball at her that hit her straight in the face. "That goes for the little joke from yesterday!" The boy clarified as he laughed and began to walk away.

She had made a few of his strands blue while he slept. That's why he was wearing a hat that day.

"Oi, Malfoy! Locomotor Mortis!" and as soon as the girl waved her wand, Draco had already fallen facing the snow. "What's wrong? Can't move?" laughed the white-haired one next to Lhu watching as Draco tried to get up off the floor. "Nice hat, by the way."

"Very funny," he replied sarcastically, "Do the counter-spell, yeah?"

"Fine," Leevanna agreed rolling her eyes and waving her wand so Malfoy was free. "Heard Weasley and Granger are near The Shrieking Shack."

"After you, goblin," Malfoy said accepting her proposal. "Locomotor Mortis."

"I despise you," she muttered against the snow.

"Aw..." he mocked. "Thanks, love."

Then, after he did the counter-spell, they started to walk.

༄

"Do you want to move a bit closer?" Hermione Granger asked the redhead at her side. "To the Shrieking Shack?"

"Actually, I'm fine here," Ron Weasley refused, staring in terror at the dark house in the distance.

"Well, well. Look who's here," Draco said as he walked through the snow catching the attention of the pair of Gryffindors. "You two shopping for your new dream home? Bit grand for you, isn't it, Weasle-Bee? Don't your family sleep in uh... one room?"

"Shut your mouth, Malfoy," Ron replied looking down at the snow.

"Watch that mouth of yours, Weasel-Bee," Leevanna warned, standing a few steps in front of Malfoy with an arrogant tone. "Because I can easily take care of it."

Draco giggled softly.

"And I thought that Gryffindor was supposed to be the friendly ones," she mocked. "You know... The pupils of this school and the fucking royalty here," she laughed. "I guess I got confused with Hufflepuff," she sighed. "What do you say?" she asked Draco. "At this point, I'm friendlier. And they call me Ice Queen!"

And she could be the same or crueller than Draco himself if it came to making fun of someone. Besides that, for her young age, she knew more spells than anyone at Hogwarts.

Ron looked at her with a bit of fear, but with fascination at the same time.

"Not friendly at all this two," Draco said to the white-haired one referring to the redhead and the other girl before laughing. "I think it's time we teach Weasle-Bee and Granger how to respect their superiors," suggested the boy looking at the five who were accompanying him.

"Hope you don't mean yourselves!" Hermione threatened, standing in front of Ron in a defensive pose. Leevanna instantly recoiled with a disgusted face as she drew her wand in the direction of the girl.

Although she had not just separated just because she was a Muggle-born.

"How dare you talk to us!" Draco exclaimed putting his arm in front of Leevanna to pull her away from the Gryffindor girl. "You filthy little Mudblood!"

It was just at that moment when a snowball hit the blond's left cheek causing Leevanna to instantly separate, but it was not saved from another falling to her as well.

"Who is that?" asked Draco a bit scared.

And out of nowhere, more snowballs began to impact the bodies of the five Slytherins.

"Don't stand there! Do something!" Malfoy ordered Crabbe and Goyle as he was used as a human shield by Leevanna.

"Lhu!" exclaimed the white-haired one as she saw her friend being knocked down by... well, _the air_. "Show yourself! Coward!" and another snowball fell into her causing her to fall into the snow on her knees and palms.

She closed her eyes.

Why did they keep touching her?

On the other hand, Draco was pushed into the snow falling backwards and then was dragged off his feet.

"What's up, Malfoy? Lost your skis?" Ron asked mockingly before dodging one of the snowballs Leevanna threw to defend herself. "Wow, calm down, witch."

"Don't you dare speak to me!" Leevanna managed to say with anger before being pushed into the snow falling backwards this time.

Now she was starting to get scared.

Whoever it was, was pushing her too many times, was touching her, was getting too close, being too rude.

"Move!" Draco exclaimed pushing Goyle barely out of the snow and then grabbing Leevanna's arm to start running off with Lhu behind them.

"Malfoy! Wait!" his friends yelled him before trying to stand up to run away with him, Goyle still had his pants down. From afar you could hear the laughter of Granger and Weasley.

When they were far enough away, Leevanna released herself quickly from Malfoy, to then fall to her knees and roll over to lay down on the snow.

"It was Potter," she managed to say when she got her breath back. Everyone else laid down next to her to rest and catch their breaths.

"As you know?" Lhu asked her resting her head on her friend's stomach. She moved and seated on the snow. Lhu sighed.

_It was difficult._

"I can swear, I heard his voice" assured the white-haired one, letting out an icy sigh from her pink lips.

"Or is it that you're going crazy," Draco played with a chuckle at the end. Leevanna threw some snow at his face and took out her middle finger.

"Hello? Yes, this is Leevanna," she started making a phone sign with her hand. "I was calling to see if you have a booth for the opera because I have a friend who does some... perfect treble," she continued making the rest laugh as Draco gave her a bad look, then threw snow at her face.

"Piss off, Vaughan," Draco replied, rolling his eyes and looking at her with narrowed eyes. They all started to stop and shake to go back to town, they still had things to do.

"Look on the bright side, you'd be famous," and as they walked, Malfoy threw snow at her face again.

༄

The 24th of December, after the buffet that was given at Hogwarts for the students who spent Christmas there had finished, Draco and Leevanna met in the schoolyard.

Or rather, Draco found Leevanna.

Both had to stay in the castle since their parents hadn't sent any sign that they were going to spend Christmas with them.

Draco was still a bit disappointed, unlike Leevanna, who couldn't remember a single holiday where her parents had filled her with «family warmth» and... happiness.

In her house, there was no happiness at all.

Generally, at Vaughan Manor, Leevanna was alone before and after dinner, opening her gifts after twelve, illuminated only by the light of the fire in the fireplace, lost among her memories.

Many times the elf who served in her house, Maglor, accompanied her and she lent him some of her books so that he could read them with her when her parents were away.

Leevanna had always been alone.

"What's up?" Draco asked cheerfully, sitting in front of the girl seeing how she didn't even bother to turn around to see his face. Her knees were close to her chest and her left cheek was on them.

"I was wondering how Maglor is doing," she replied in a low tone. "This year Christmas is going to pass without me."

"Is the Ice Queen getting sentimental? Because I have a perfect spell for that," and Malfoy's response caused the girl to giggle that combined with the knot in her throat causing her voice to break, but she regained her composure half a second later.

She was not going to cry that night.

"The Ice Queen is not made of ice, Malfoy," she reminded him, pressing her back to the spine behind her while with one hand she wiped away the only tear she was planning to shed that night. "This year I was going to give him one of his favourites books, that's all," she sighed, fixing her gaze on the moon again.

"Look at that," he chuckled. "The Ice Queen has a heart after all."

She rolled her eyes smiling playfully.

"What are you doing here? Did you miss me so much?" she asked teasingly.

"You wish," Draco replied sarcastically rolling his eyes in amusement. "Crabbe and Goyle are pigging out in The Great Hall and I decided to go out for a breathe, I saw you and I said: Let's honour her with my presence."

"Honour me? _Horrify_ me, rather," laughed Leevanna fixing her gaze on him. "I thought this year you would go with your parents."

"Last minute things," and this time he was the one who looked away. It definitely hadn't been last minute things, Draco had known since the beginning of the year, only that the weight of being alone on that date had just fallen on him at that time.

They were both silent, looking at the moon and imagining if perhaps their lives had been different as non-magical beings or if they had been born in different times and families...

Until Pansy arrived interrupting the peace.

"Draco! There you are!" she said with a sharp voice approaching the boy.

"Uhg, there she comes," Leevanna mumbled sardonically as she saw the black-haired one move to Malfoy's side.

"Any problem, Vaughan?" Pansy asked, feigning kindness. Neither of them could bear it.

They had a very strange friendship.

When they wanted to, they could be nice to the other, if not, they were mean.

"Yes, your face," she replied with a smile causing Draco to try to hold back his laughter.

"Ugh, whatever," the girl rolled her eyes. "Draco, I was wondering if you wanted to go with some of the boys and me and play a couple of pranks on some Ravenclaws," Pansy had no intention of inviting Leevanna, in her own way, she was a hindrance to her goal with Malfoy. Although many times she imitated some of her jokes from previous years.

"We did the same yesterday with Gryffindor," Draco reminded the black-haired one as he rested his eyes on Leevanna, who had looked up at the sky again. "It's getting boring at this point."

It was getting boring because no one had come up with new pranks.

 _Leevanna_ hadn't come up with new pranks.

"Yes, but if you go... I dunno, maybe later we can do something else."

The green-eyed rolled her eyes and pointed the interior of her mouth with her finger sticking out her tongue. She knew Pansy had a kind of crush on Draco.

"God, I'm going to end up throwing up if I keep listening to this," Leevanna rose from her seat quickly. "One minute of peace, all I'm asking," and as she left, she was grumbling about her interruption a few minutes ago.

Draco had to control his laughter by hiding it with a sideways smile.

"I can't stand it," Pansy said rolling her eyes before crossing her arms and turning back to the boy. "Well, are you coming with me or not?"

"Goodbye, Pansy," the blond replied in return as he stood up from his seat and shoved his hands into his pockets to start walking towards the entrance. Behind him, Pansy stamped her foot in protest and walked to another of the entrances to leave.

When Leevanna arrived at the Slytherin common room a few minutes later, she found Lhu sitting on the couch with other girls.

For a moment she thought of leaving quietly to slip away into the silence of her room, but she didn't. She had promised Lhu to try and get along with the people.

She closed her eyes tightly and bit her lower lip before clenching her fists and starting to walk in the direction of the others. She took a deep breath before sitting down next to Lhu, surprising her. Leevanna made sure that she was separated enough of the other girls.

"You disappeared after dinner," Lhu laughed before handing her a couple of sweets. The girl shrugged in a way to tell her that had no importance.

"What were you talking about?" inquired the white-haired with a closed-mouthed smile, maybe she could try to get along with someone other than Lhu for just once in her life.

Yes, she liked her reputation, but some people were scared of her.

Two days ago, for example, she had met a first-year Hufflepuff at the library and when she asked him if she could borrow one of the books he had, the poor boy threw the book at the ground scared and left the place leaving the girl extremely confused before she laughed.

"Potential couples here at Hogwarts," replied Millicent. Leevanna rolled her eyes with a giggle. Now she remembered why she didn't hang out with the other girls though she liked her house-mates. "Lhu fancies a fourth year."

"Oh — I know _who_ she fancies," replied Leevanna smirking to her best friend. "The one who... _You know?_ " Leevanna questioned in Lhu's direction and chuckled softly seeing her best friend cheeks blushing as she nodded.

Lhu smiled, she was happy that her best friend remembered such a «banal» detail, as she would call it.

"Still, no one can deny that Oliver Wood is cute, he's the captain of the Quidditch team of Gryffin-losers," said another with blonde hair, Daphne Greengrass.

"Yeah, I think," Leevanna sighed.

"Adrian is another," Dahpne continued. "And Theodore too."

"Nobody beats Malfoy," said the raven-haired girl who had spoken to her first. "I dunno, he's so tall and handsome and so... _he._ "

"He's a twat," Leevanna said without thinking twice before putting a bar of chocolate in her mouth. The other girls laughed.

"Do you fancy someone Leevanna?" Millicent asked with a mischievous smile.

"Leevanna doesn't fancy anyone because she thinks she's just going to waste her time. And no one is up enough to her," replied Lhu doing an imitation of the girl. She had said that last year, around similar dates, when she discovered that a Slytherin boy of third-year liked her.

"And I haven't changed my mind," the green-eyed one agreed, pointing at Lhu as she chuckled.

What Lhu had said had it's truth and lie at the same time. Leevanna wasn't exactly not interested in things that had to be with silly teenage feelings because she thought she was superior to the rest of people or something like that. It was because, being a person who had seen her father raise his hand to her mum and saying horrible things to her and seeing her mum being a complete submissive who didn't do a shite to get out of the situation or even defend herself, had changed her mind a lot about relationships.

She didn't want to end like her mum. She didn't want to be with someone like her father. She didn't want to be forcibly married with someone. She didn't want to get married at all.

She didn't want to fall in love or be capable of love. She would certainly drown herself if that happened.

Her mind is focused in things that are more important. Her future, for example.

She has goals. Graduate with the highest notes — that is, pass all her N.E.W.T.s with an O — and then find a place in the Ministry of Magic that helps her to become Minister in short time. She has her future very well written. Doesn't have time for silly feelings.

"Where's Pansy? She usually loves this chats," said Millicent with a soft frown as she passed her gaze through all the room looking for the girl.

"I left her with Malfoy at the courtyard," Leevanna replied unwrapping a candy to take it to her mouth.

"You and Malfoy would make a good couple," Daphne commented out of nowhere with a shrug causing the white-haired one to choke on her candy and start laughing. "You have a lot in common."

"And! And!" added Millicent excited. "You are like this stories enemies to lovers thing! It would be sooo bloody fantastic!"

" _Me?_ With Malfoy? When Weasel gets a girlfriend," she said once she had finished laughing. The idea of them together was stupid.

"Well, Weasley fancies you," the black-haired one informed, raising and lowering her eyebrows repeatedly. "I overheard him talking to Potter in the dining room, Granger told him he was crazy after the Hogsmeade thing."

"Ron Weasley?" Leevanna inquired with a frown, all the girls nodded. "Weasel-Bee? That redhead who looks down every time I speak or even look at him?" they nodded again. "Interesting".

"Why?" Lhu asked curiously.

"Is funny, that's all," Leevanna replied with a wink as she chuckled.

"Pansy," the white-haired one immediately turned around upon hearing that familiar voice. "Does what you said earlier still stand?" Draco inquired with his gaze fixed on Leevanna.

"Yes!" She replied in a shrill voice before walking quickly to his side.

"Come on then," Draco took one last look at Leevanna, before putting his arm around Pansy's shoulders and walking out of the common room. He had been listening to the conversation behind a column since the green-eyed one was asked if she fancied someone.

Why he had pissed off about that?

And why her stomach twisted when he saw his arm surround Pansy?

All the girls turned to Leevanna scared when they heard an explosion. "Sorry," she muttered, opening her palm to meet her more than melted chocolate frog.


	4. Breathings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: self-harm and mention of ED.

"Loathsome _cunt_."

Leevanna buffeted before closing her book abruptly and crossing her arms watching Malfoy and his group laugh at some mischief they had done in recent weeks. The sour and bitter savour in her mouth burned every part of it, like acid, trespassing her teeth to the burn her tongue and mix with her saliva. Like snake venom.

She was not in a good mood.

"You've been insulting him all day," Lhu laughed by her side.

"And I will continue doing it," Leevanna rolled her eyes in annoyance. The venom continues sliding through her body, reaching her lungs and burning every part of them.

They were in the class of Defence Against Dark Arts, that day they were going to see and talk about the Mirror of Erised. That mirror was supposed to be in the Room of Requirement, but for some reason, it had been removed and the professor had it.

Winter was already gone, it was the last week of May and the end of the year was approaching. Unfortunately.

Draco and Leevanna hadn't crossed a word since December, other than to insult each other, but they had played quite... _Different_ jokes.

Three weeks ago, for example, Draco had left one of the girl's bralettes hanging on the top of a tree next to her underwear and rest of clothes when she was swimming in the Black Lake. When she got out, no clothes or shoes were where she had left him. Malfoy, seeing her from afar and laughing next to his friends, had wait for her and said: _'Nice suit.'_ The girl had had to conjure a cloak to start searching for her clothes as she heard Malfoy's laughter.

She had returned it to him by pulling down his pants in class when he was in front of everyone. He had been doing a presentation for the Potions' class and she just couldn't stop laughing when his face turned as a red as a tomato when he realised he was half-naked. When he left the classroom, Leevanna conjured a cloud of hail which followed him until he ended half-unconscious in a hallway.

Several days ago, Malfoy had enchanted the food of the white-haired one so that her face would swell beyond recognition. And she had answered it by putting a spell on his water so that tentacles would come out of his face.

Minerva McGonagall had taken away their wands for a week, they just had recovered them.

"Well, who wants to go first?" asked the professor at the same time that everyone took a step back.

That mirror had gotten a bad reputation since Professor Quirrell had used it to try to bring the Dark Lord back.

"Miss Vaughan, lucky girl," and that's when Leevanna realized that everyone had left her alone. "Come on, come on, stand in front of it and recite the inscription."

_Little pieces of shite, thanks._

Leevanna subtly cleared her throat as she approached the object uncertainly. Malfoy stopped smiling in that instant.

" _Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi,_ " the girl said in a low middle voice before shifting her gaze directly to the centre of the mirror.

She did not know what she was going to see being honest.

She wasn't going to tell anyone what she was able to see either, but the girl had something in mind... Something to provoke Malfoy. She wanted to piss him off for making a professor took away her wand.

Maybe that she saw his dad or mum saying that she was more their daughter than he was or something similar. Draco hated and extremely envied the way his parents — especially Narcissa Malfoy — cared about Leevanna and she had knowledge of it. And she would take advantage of it.

"Miss Vaughan? What do you see in the mirror?" asked the professor.

Everyone was expectant, waiting for the girl to say something and be amazed by what the Ice Queen desired the most, what was the deepest desire her heart had, but she seemed frozen in time, standing there in front of the mirror as if she were hypnotized.

Malfoy tried to take a step towards her, but he couldn't; something in his body was preventing him from moving, perhaps was his conscience saying over and over again that worrying about her made no sense. And it made no sense to him either, he agreed in that. So he stayed in his place. She had made Minerva take his wand away and receive detention, he should not care at all if something happened to her.

On the other hand, Leevanna's eyes filled with more and more tears that in turn slipped down her white cheeks ending their journey on her clothes or the old wooden floor.

Maybe it was what she saw, maybe it was the feeling.

 _That_ — that horrible memory — was one of the main reasons she did not like feeling at all. She was _traumatised_ about feeling.

In front of her, in the mirror, there was a little girl smiling, her curly hair floating because of the wind, she laughed sweetly. Then another little boy stood at her side also laughing before the image went further, making her see a group of kids doing a tea party on the grass. The figure quickly changed to a family seeing the stars in the sky, Patronus were accompanying them. Leevanna already had a family, so that was not what she desired the most, but that feeling of family warmth and happiness... And that little girl...

And she feels this _thing_.

The sour and bitter venom infecting her systems and making fun of her as it eats away all her defences. Contracting her body. Dragging down her spine. Tearing her apart. Leaving her without any hope of air.

And her chest hurts. And her head feels like is about to explode.

She wishes being dead.

The girl quickly wiped away her tears and took a few steps back before answering the teacher's question sarcastically, "That my fish hadn't gone through the loo," then she left the classroom without saying a single more word.

She would wait outside after going to the bathroom.

She definitely wasn't expecting that.

No one really had sawed her tears, but they knew she had had them because of her red eyes which continued to have that cold look. But the people would not say anything because, Leevanna Vaughan crying? No one had seen her like that and they were very sure it was just their imaginations trying to make her more human.

And she is thankful for that.

A few hours later, Leevanna and Lhu were on their way to the Hogwarts courtyard after finishing their exams.

Lhu had not asked about the mirror, she knew that what she had seen was a very serious and sensible subject that she could not drop just like that — like a normal conversation you have in the morning with breakfast or in a tea party. Leevanna had thanked her silence internally.

When they arrived at the garden, Malfoy's group began walking towards the two girls, who turned around to leave. Leevanna was not in the mood to tease right now.

" _Aw_ , don't want to talk?" Draco mocked laughing bitterly.

But Draco definitely was.

"Fuck off, Malfoy," muttered Leevanna. "Just — leave me _alone_."

"What's up? Very cowardly?" Draco said mockingly making his friends laugh.

The students who were in the garden, including The Golden Trio, left their activities and paid attention to what was happening. Not exactly because it was their business or something, but the last time they got in an argument, both started using hexes and ending in the hospital wing for not-so-serious wounds.

"Don't tell me that the supposed Ice Queen is going cry," he laughed. "Instead of Ice Queen I'm going to call you Crybaby," and he chuckles again.

He was angering her.

Leevanna stopped and listened to his words but decided to contain herself by closing her eyes tightly and start breathing calmly but her body betrayed her and shuddered a little as she denied with her head.

" _Ow_ , are you _scared_ , Vaughan?"

And that was the last drop of patience.

"From a clown like you?" She responded without being able to contain herself anymore and turning to confront the blond. Lhu tried to persuade her to leave, but she didn't succeed. She'd had nightmares all the month, plus the incident with Erised's mirror, she wasn't in the fucking mood. Also, she wanted to start crying at that moment for no reason in particular. "Not even if the fucking world ends."

And in that instant, her eyes began to burn and crystallize, but not because she felt humiliated or something, she wanted to cry for the helplessness and anger that she had been holding for days.

The anniversary of that day was close and she couldn't feel something more than pain, thing that had her mortified.

"Go ahead and cry, little girl," he mocked realising that the girl was beginning to shed small tears of anger. Malfoy took out his wand by putting it under Leevanna's chin in a threatening way — she contained herself so much to not jump when his wand touched her. "Nobody does it as you do anyways. Like today in class and yesterday in your nightmares, or am I wrong Lhu?"

Lhu simply remained silent, in shock, without knowing what to say, seeing her best friend fill her cheeks with tears and her face starting to redden due to her anger. Malfoy had seen them in the common room when Lhu was comforting Leevanna because of her nightmare, but they didn't know until that moment.

"And give you the fucking satisfaction?" she responded angrily.

"At least I'm not the one crying in the fucking corners of the castle like a fucking _Crybaby_."

"Oh, yeah? Are you sure about that?" she raised an eyebrow. Malfoy tightened his grip. She knows how to play too.

"Fucking _cunt_. Don't you fucking _dare_ —"

The scared look in his eyes made the coldness in hers to shine. She did not care the ways he called her.

"Go ahead and cry," Leevanna interrupted by putting a sarcastic smile on her lips. "You know what your daddy did too, or should I remind you? What your dear mummy went through," Draco slowly started lowering his wand. "Don't threaten me again, Malfoy," she warned him by taking the boy's wand forcefully to finish lowering it and, looking him upside down with contempt, left him speechless and red-eyed.

They both knew many dark secrets of the other — although they were just superstitions for her part and things that his eyes had seen for his part —, they knew how to hurt the other emotionally and gain power with it. Seeing their parents had helped a lot in that.

And maybe that could be a problem later on, but they didn't know it, they just wanted to hurt the other until they saw who broke first, who of the two would implore for mercy.

༄

"You are a fucking piece of shite!"

"Oh, come on! Don't you have another insult?" he rolls his eyes. "Bit old, don't you think?"

"And you think I fucking care?" her laugh is bitter but suddenly her jaw is clenching again.

"You know? I think you're just too bored and no one pays attention to you," he says, his arms crossed over his chest. "That's why you're acting like a bitch who needs _attention_."

"Ow, look who talks," she says crossing her arms. "The one who came for me and then I left red-eyed."

"At least I don't cry at night because no one wants to be near me," his grin is malicious, "because they are fucking _scared_ of me. Because they think I am a _monster_."

And she shoves him off with all her strength before he does the same with her. Her cheeks are rosy and her breathing is heavy. Just like him.

"At least people doesn't speak shite of me behind my fucking back," she attacks looking at him in the eye. "At least the fucking people talks to me like I'm a person. Do you know what that means?! Being a _person_?! Because you fucking treat everyone as a fucking servant!"

"I certainly know more than you do," his breathy laugh is sarcastic. "And I don't need fucking _anyone_!"

"Sure about that?" she laughs bitterly. " _Oh dear mummy, I wish father let me have more friends_."

"I have a mum who I can talk to, you know?" his smug smile makes her narrow her at him. "At least _my_ mum listens to me and _cares_."

"Fucking shut—"

"My mum _does_ want me," he continues. "My mum does care and asks how I am, you know? She does loves her son and doesn't fucking blame me for my father to—"

"SHUT UP!" she yells pushing him angrily.

"Or what?!" he yells to. "Are you going to hit me? Eh, _Vaughan_?! Are you fucking going to be like your dear father?! That's how things are after all, no?! The apple does not fall far from the three anyways! Thats why everyone is fucking scared of you!"

"I swear if you—"

"You are a Vaughan, no?" he laughs sarcastically. "Thats who. You. _Fucking_. Are. After all! Like your dear fucking father! A fucking man who—"

"FUCKING _SHUT UP_!"

And she doesn't realise her magic has emerged like burning lava mounting the rocks from a volcano ready to erupt and annihilate everything at its pace without mercy or a brief breath of life.

While the water hears and understands, the ice does not forgive or forget.

She has actually hurt him.

With ice floes.

Sharp and small ones.

They had been more like tiny and thin diamonds of a card from a poker deck.

_The King is dead, God save the Queen._

She didn't mean to. Or maybe she did. She doesn't really know.

She knows she is magic and nobody taught her to apologise for the fire — and ice — that lies inside her. She has been taught to never apologise, better said. And she doesn't want to do so anyway.

The cuts make his white school shirt have lines of scarlet red over the part of hist torso and arms. The wounds doesn't seem so serious or deep, they're more superficial. She hopes nobody else got hurt from her sudden icy attack. Her hands are cold and glitters from the ice remain in all her body. She thinks that maybe she is made of ice after all.

There is no more metaphor. The Ice Queen _does_ exists.

She hasn't have explode like this for a long time. Doesn't remember when was the last time someone got hurt because her magic tickled her skin taunting with emerge.

"I was right after all," he says. His eyes are narrowed at her. His hair is messy and she thinks it maybe shines that way because there are traces of ice glitter over it. Crimson decores the pale skin of his face and his breathing is heavy. His fists still tight and knuckles white, thin traces of blood paint the cracks of his hands' skin too.

Her face and body in general keeps being warm but yet she feels so cold.

"Just like your father," his eyes look at her up and down. His voice low and dangerous, like a warning, but she isn't afraid.

"As if you weren't like fucking yours," her eyes imitate the movement his did. "Stuck around but never present, didn't he?" and he knows she knows the story. "Being so fucking coward and hiding behind that mask just using words to defend himself."

"Don't act like you don't do the fucking same thing," the cuts his body has doesn't seem to bother him. "Fucking hypocrite, don't pretend to be so much better."

"I don't," she responds. "I don't throw my hands to the fire and then take them back to seem less guilty, Malfoy," her eyes never leaving his. "If I'm cruel I don't need to hide."

"Sure about it?" his glare is burning her. "Don't you have that fucking empire of yours?The beloved and fucking _Ice Queen_?"

He doesn't realise but has sent the same little pieces of ice at her. Now she has cuts too, but doesn't care so much, she didn't even feel them.

Her nails dig in her skin but she doesn't care and continues to tighten her fists.

"Do not pretend you're better than me, Vaughan," he continues. Jaw and neck tense. "You're just the same, no less, no much, the fucking same."

"Good you know then," she says. "That you are a fucking piece of garbage who doesn't deserve _anything_ or fucking _anyone._ That you are cruel, vile, fucking pathetic and a fucking cockroach who is a fucking coward and nobody would ever love."

"Good you have seen yourself in a mirror," his tone continues being low.

Both have the same position they have had all this hour. A foot at the front, fists tight, body in direction of their opponent. Ready to fight.

The silence accompanies them for long seconds than seem years. Just staring at each other with narrowed eyes and cuts than burn their skins. But not so much like the real wounds, that ones which are deep inside them, monsters who threat with laugh at them at the most wrong moment of their life. That part of them which is dark and full of memories that now are secrets they don't pretend to share with no one else, not even their pillows.

Self defence. Coping mechanisms. Ways to kill traumas. Fights.

Wars with themselves they have fought alone for a very long time.

They like to fight. That's what they do the best. Some children are born with wars in their veins. Wars they learn to fight and not give up. Wars that sometimes are not even theirs, that are not their faults.

Innocent souls that are so corrupt because of the darkness the sun cannot illuminate and the ice cannot forget.

"Woah, what happened in here?" the voice of Adrian Pucey leaks through their ears. Daphne Greengrass and Lhu Oneyl come behind him.

Lhu passes her gaze throughout all the solitary Slytherin common room and sees the pieces of ice beneath their feet. Daphne is the one who catches the cuts and blood in their bodies.

They don't break eye-contact, just stop narrowing their eyes. And both speak at the same time. " _Nothing_."

༄

_Come on, don't be a coward._

Her eyes are fixed on the sharp shape over the table.

She raises her gaze and sees that professor Sprout keeps talking about whatever plant they are seeing that day. She isn't paying the minimum attention though she loves the class. She wants to pay attention. But she couldn't.

Her eyes fix again on the tiny razor her eyes had just found by chance under a pot. She is very close to it.

_And you say to be an Ice Queen? It seems you're about to cry._

She closed her eyes and tried to muffle the voice in her head. It was impossible to keep it shut it for a single fucking second.

 _Coward_.

"I am not a coward," she whispers angrily between teeth, talking for herself without noticing the words had really escaped the doors of her breath.

"Miss Vaughan?"

She turns her head to professor Sprout, who's looking at her with a soft frown and sweet smile. Some students are also looking at her but quickly look away when they feel her cold gaze ordering them to mind their own bloody business.

"Everything fine?" Asks the woman again and approaches to her.

"Um—" she forces a smile. "I'm not feeling so good today, may I be excused from the class?"

And her tone of voice is sweet, shy and almost seems like she is embarrassed fo asking such a thing. Her pale cheeks had acquired a slightly blush and the smile remained painted on her face.

"Yes, yes, of course," says Sprout still smiling.

Leevanna nods in gratefulness and leaves the robes she uses for that class aside before heading to the greenhouse's exit in silent as she looks straight.

When she's back into the castle, her eyes lowered until they found her right hand.

The tiny razor was inside her fist and the cold pain of the metal piercing her skin made her bite her tongue and keep walking. The razor carving even more.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

She doesn't bother to look down when her ears catch the echo of the scarlet and thick drops of her being colliding with the ground under her.

She closed her eyes as she felt the plea her digestive system made when her eyes caught m a couple of students from the Ravenclaw house eating a salad about Salazar knew what. The beg was like a knot that had formed just in the navel area and had risen to her throat in one. As if her stomach had digested itself in that instant due to the hunger swing from not eating for a week and four days.

She felt like throwing up.

But what was she going to throw up? If she hadn't had anything but water in all that time.She felt guilty for even doing it.

And she decided she wouldn't eat absolutely nothing for one week and five days more because her weakness of the eating desire.

The razor burrowed deeper into her skin until it made her release a ragged and shocked gasp that was barely audible when she felt her hot blood slide down the lines between her fingers painting her skin completely. She didn't know where she was walking or even where she intended to go. She just kept letting her feet to move at their will.

Still staring straight ahead, her right hand stopped gripping the razor and switched it to her left hand, leaving red traces of her fragile and scarlet being on the fabric of her robes. Her eyes snapped open when the sharp blade was the first thing to pierce the lines of her palm. The sharp, hot and cruel pain made her lungs consume itself in the burning sensation her own low breathing provoked. She felt the razor sinking over and over into her skin as she squeezed the object in a heartbeat motion, tearing up her flesh and outlining her blood ducts as it pleased.

It feels like a warm hug, like she's just comfortable and everything is nice, it might made her feel a bit anxious or have butterflies in your stomach at first, but when she feels the cold breath of the death's lips she leaves a smile on her face.

Her head starts to feel like a constant throbbing and she thinks that at any moment it could explode, like a bomb. But medically that is impossible, she knows.

She recognizes all the symptoms the fragile shell of her body is experiencing instantly. The imperceptible shaking of her hands from the feel of her razor piercing her. How her chest rises and lowers with difficulty as her lungs compress trying to fight for the volatile air that seems its gonna leave her. The weakness in her legs with every lazy step that she doesn't know how is giving. How her body feels light as a feather and heavy as a guilt at the same time. Her heart races and she slows down the marathon for a few seconds before wanting to escape the cage in which her ribs have it trapped.

A caress of what appears to be a breeze from her brushes her face and causes a black sheet to opaque her sight making her stumble.

Her body feels numb and her lips breathe their last while a tear escapes from her interior when weakness won over her as always.

Her body collapsed in the passageway through which Minerva McGonagall came.

"Miss Vaughan!" the professor screamed in horror seeing her bleeding hands staining all the floor when she fell.

The woman ran up to her to close the distance and lifted the border of her robes before reaching down to the ground to hold the girl in her arms and open one of the plates of her hands to find the small razor.

"Professor Lupin!" she called scared as she tried to wake up the unconscious girl.

The professor left his chat with some of the Slytherin and Hufflepuff students he had crossed paths with and turned his head to the place the voice of Minerva came.

He ran towards her.

"What happened?" he asked taking the girl in his arms to head to the hospital wing as soon as possible.

"She collapsed in front of me," the witch said in a rush as both ran through the hallways. "Hannah!" she said when her eyes fixed on the girl. "Miss Abbott, please search professor Snape!"

༄

"You _promised_ me, Leevy," a hand runs through the brunette's hair pushing it backwards.

Deception is like the colour silver, sharp and bright as the blade of a dagger which passes right through you, tears you apart while blood covers its sharpness. Deception is silver, as a number it would be 182, the one serves as the dagger and the eighty-two is just suffocating. Number two makes her think in a lie, it has the shape of half-heartbeat. Incomplete.

That's how deception feels. A silver dagger tearing up a heartbeat.

Sadness continues being number 11, like rain drops, like tears. Keeps feeling and fading in the colour regalia in a hand-dyed fabric. Keeps being suffocating if you look at it too much. But it is dark.

"You promised _me_ , Leevy, you promised _us_ ," Lhu says again. She cannot look at her, but the tone of her voice sounds broken. "You have been _lying_ to me."

"I'm sorry," she whispers. Her cheeks are damp and her breath is shaky. Has to close her eyes to not start hyperventilating.

"How long?"

"Two weeks and a half," she answers. Her tone still low and her eyes remain close.

Lhu nods and closes her eyes for a second. Tries opening her mouth but closes it immediately. Doesn't know what to say. Because her best friend had been lying to her in the face saying she was eating when clearly she wasn't.

The worst part is that Lhu blames herself because she wasn't paying enough attention. She wasn't looking over the person she considers her sister. Knows that Leevanna needs full sight all the bloody time because she is not okay. And Lhu wasn't looking!

"It is _not_ your fault," Leevanna whispers. Knows what she is thinking. "I'm so—"

"Shut up," Lhu snaps.

She is angry now and Leevanna doesn't blame her. Lhu has right to be so.

"Shut up because I'm still trying to figure how _the fuck_ you've been fucking _lying_ to me after you fucking _PROMISED_ not to fucking do it again, Leevanna!" her hand slams the table and the green-eyed gives a small jump trying to hold back her crying. "You promised _me_! You've been lying to _me_ , Leevanna! I was supposed to look after you _all_ the fucking times! But how the fuck do I do that if you fucking _lie_ to _me_?!"

Silent.

For a few seconds.

Guit is the number 67, it rhymes and somehow it reminds her to a Muggle firearm being held against a beating heart. It is odd, but it does. Guilt has the colour of the blood. It is scarlet, bright and new against the white. It is heavy.

" _Forgive me_ ,” she whispers finally opening her eyes to meet Lhu’s, whose look softens unconsciously. "Please... I'm so sorry... I'm so stupid... _Please_ —" she gulps, or tries to pass the knot in her throat at least. "Please — Please, forgive me... I swear... I swear I didn't mean to — I didn't want to lie — Please — I-I'll do whatever — _Please_... Just _forgive me_..."

She hasn't realised she had began to tremble and drown in her own tears.

It takes a one more single second before Lhu throws her arms around her neck and hugs her tightly. Leevanna doesn't care of how unfamiliar it is, she just corresponds the same way and even with more strength.

"Forgive me, forgive me," her eyes close tightly and she breaths the scent Lhu's hair releases. "Please, I'm so sorry... Forgive me, _forgive me_..."

"It's okay... It's okay..." Lhu says caressing her hair and hugging her even tighter if possible. " _I forgive you_... It is okay, Leevy, _I love you_."

And she closes her eyes again while sobs leave her throat.

Because it doesn't matter how many persons say they forgive her... She cannot forgive herself.

༄

The 6th of June, three days before Leevanna's birthday and one day after Draco's, the white-haired girl and Lhu were sitting on the small stairs in front of the huge stones that served as a spying link for Draco and his entourage.

The two Slytherin girls had been there since early doing spells, specifically the Patronus, they liked to watch them play with each other.

Although Leevanna couldn't find a memory to conjure one. She didn't have happy powerful memories being honest. And those recent weeks she had been having depression and anger crisis.

Malfoy had arrived moments later. They both stared at each other for a second, but no words were spoken.

Truth be told, Leevanna was beyond mad at the blond. She didn't dislike Hagrid to a certain extent, she had even asked him to take her to see the unicorns and the hippogriff named Buckbeak as she was curious about the huge beast. She loved beasts and magical creatures, and they loved her too. Some examples were dragons, hippogriffs and unicorns.

That's why she didn't want the beast to be killed, definitely not. She didn't like seeing innocent people or animals die. So, when she found out what his father had asked in the trial for the beast, she almost went to his room and dug and sword in his brain.

The innocence for Leevanna was a complicated subject, even though everyone was a sinner, there were certain extremes to judge someone.

For Leevanna, the innocence was fading according to the time, withering like a flower in winter which has been cruelly left on the path of oblivion without someone to take care of its colorful and soft petals. She believed that, while all were children, innocence shone like silver moonlight over the darkest lake. As that person grew older and the influences in their environment became more dangerous, sins began to lurk. Though sometimes those sins weren't their faults.

Innocence was a complex subject.

But who was she to decide what was the secrets behind the windows of that word? So innocence for her shrunk to animals and newborns until certain age came and their actions were conscious and willing.

"I wish he was the one who's going to be beahead," the withe-haired one murmured unintentionally while tearing a couple of leaves off the ground because of her anger. Lhu laughed and then Leevanna realised that she had thought aloud.

"It's a great idea," the girl replied with a smile as she grew a flower from the palm of her hand to then give it to her friend. "But impossible at the same time."

"It didn't even hurt him," she murmured back, resting her cheek on her knees after she took the flower. She was down, her depression was very severe. "Lhu, it doesn't deserve to die," and without being able to control it, her voice broke on the last words.

"Don't cry," Lhu murmured seeing her with a concerned expression on her face. Her best friend had been sensitive for days and that was starting to worry her, she wasn't like that. "Don't cry, Leevanna," she begged in a low voice, trying to wrap her arms around the little green-eyed body.

Leevanna moved away letting a gasp escape her lips. She looked at Lhu as her eyes crystallised and the tears threatened to come out.

Although... She wasn't exactly crying for the animal.

Lhu smiled weakly. "I am not going to hurt you, sweetheart..." the curly-haired whispered.

Leevanna looked her scared up and down and approached her slowly as Lhu attracted her to hug her tightly.

It had felt warm. _Reassuring_.

A few feet away, Malfoy and his entourage were spying on Hagrid's house while laughing.

"I'll bring each of you a wing when I have the animal," the blond said resting his head on the stone behind him. Then Leevanna couldn't hold it back anymore.

The girl stood abruptly from her place, letting an annoyed growl escape from her lips. The heavy footsteps of her tall black leather boots echoed off the stones below her. Lhu stood behind her as he called her name and hurried to follow her. Along the way, they encountered The Golden Trio, but Leevanna couldn't care less.

"Hopefully his fucking head hangs on a fucking wall so I could use it as a fucking dartboard," she said wiping away the only tear she had shed on the way. "If someone punches him in the face to get rid of that bloody smug smile, I am not going to do anything to stop them, I will even thank them!" she continued angrily while passing by the side of Hermione Granger, who had stopped speaking to pay attention to her words.

Leevanna stopped halfway and relied on a part of the wall to be able to take air. In the distance, she heard Malfoy's voice.

"Come to see the show?" and before Leevanna got a little closer to where the other boys were, Lhu put her arm in front of her and made her a sign with her head to look at what was happening.

" _You_! You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!" said Hermione putting her wand under in the boy's chin.

"Hermione, _no_! He's not worth it," Ron Weasley soothed, making the Gryffindor girl lower her wand and make the blond laugh. Leevanna's eyes gleamed when she saw Granger turn around and hit Draco with her fist.

"Are you going to thank her?" Lhu laughed seeing how the white-haired girl crossed her arms and smiled devilishly before twirling her tongue against the inner part of her cheek.

"Maybe," she confessed, turning around and starting to walk towards the interior of the castle. That little thing had made her day better.

A few meters behind them, Malfoy came grunting in the complaint as he held the bridge of his nose with the fingers of his right hand. The blow had hurt.

"Remind me to thank Granger later," he heard Leevanna laugh as she walked serenely with Lhu at her side.

"I didn't think I would live to see the moment when the great Leevanna Vaughan would thank a Muggle-born," Lhu replied in amusement.

Malfoy slowed down and frowned when he heard those words. Leevanna was going to do what? She... Had she told Granger to hit him? Oh, this time he was definitely not going to forgive her.

 _Fucking, filthy, little cunt_ , his own voice said inside his head and his jaw clenched.

༄

The 8th of June, Leevanna was wiping her tears rudely, with a sour flavour in her mouth as one by one the salty drops slid down her rosy cheeks.

And she feels panic. She feels pathetic. She feels a lot of things right now. Not pretty things.

And she wishes she was made of ice.

"Oh, my sweet Leevy," muttered Narcissa Malfoy passing a hand through the girl's hair. The woman was part of those selected three people who were able to see her weaknesses. "We have to go and—"

"I don't want to!" the green-eyed snapped before letting a growl escape her lips when more tears fell, reaching her clothes. She didn't want to continue crying. "I'm fine, I swear, I don't want to go."

"Leevanna," sighed the woman sweetly. "Is for your own good... You like going."

"Not anymore," she raised her head looking at the ceiling as she blinked repeatedly to stop her tears. "I don't want to, please — _Please_ , Cissy, I do _not_ want to—"

"Mum?"

The voice of Draco Malfoy made Narcissa lookup. "Hello, my dragon," then she looked at Leevanna again.

"What — What are you doing here?" asked the boy approaching the woman to leave a kiss on her cheek. Leevanna turned her body to look at the wall. It was the most childish thing to do, she knows, but she didn't want to see him or let him see her tears. "Dad is here too?"

He had written to his mother a few days ago, but he was sure she couldn't have received the letter so early... So, what was she doing there?

"Oh, no, no," Narcissa smiled. "He — He is in the Ministry, working, as always. I'm just — how are you?"

"Fine...?" he frowned. His eyes deviated to the girl at his side, who was standing idly as she kept looking at the wall, then he returned his eyes to his mother. He didn't want to see her either. "Are we going home or something?"

"Oh, um—" the woman blushed a little, feeling a bit embarrassed. "I — I'm not here for you, Draco... I — I'm here for Leevanna."

"What?" he raised his eyebrows.

"I'm — I'm so sorry, I — I know you want to come home as soon as possible but—"

"So, you are taking someone who is not your daughter to our home... But you leave me, _your son_ , here?" He laughed bitterly and sarcastically before shaking his head in disapproval. "I didn't know I had a fucking lost sister."

" _Draco_!" The woman reproached. "Don't speak to me like that, watch your tone with me."

"Oh — So now you are angry with me?"

"Draco... Don't be like that — I'm not—"

"You know what?" The blond interrupted bitterly as he looked at her up and down. "I'm going to leave you here with the _only daughter_ you have because it seems that you don't give a single fuck about me and how _I_ feel."

"Don't say that—"

"Goodbye... _Narcissa_ ," the Slytherin Prince rolled his eyes and kept his hands inside his pockets before leaving the place. Narcissa sighed.

"I swear that blond isn't my son sometimes," she rolled her eyes.

"See? You shouldn't be here, I'm not your daughter, Cissy," the girl turned to see her with watery eyes. She had been biting her lip so hard to contain her sobs that now it was bleeding. "Go home and—"

"Nonsense," she snapped frowning and passing her thumb across the girl's lip to clean it. "He is just pissed off and being dramatic, don't mind him," she sighed. "And _you_ _are_ like my daughter, Leevy, don't say otherwise. I care about you as a mother should do."

"We are going, right?" Leevanna sighed wiping her last two tears as the woman nodded. "Fine... We can go now."

༄

The 12th of June, in the middle of the night, Leevanna was in the Room of Requirement, looking for the wardrobe that contained the Boggart. That same closet that Harry Potter had ruined the fun with several months ago.

The girl still didn't face her fear in front of others and she was really grateful for that.

But she had to do it soon, that day was the anniversary.

" _Ouch_ ," she murmured when she felt like the hand lamp she had hit with her forearm. She pointed the light so she could see whatever was in front of her and began to walk making as little noise as possible. "Where are you?" She murmured as she looked all over the room searching for the huge and old closet.

Professor Lupin was no longer going to teach any more classes at Hogwarts school and Leevanna knew why — she had discovered his little and moony secret the first time he was absent from class — but she had had the opportunity to speak to him a few days earlier to inquire or ask about the Boggart.

The white-haired girl kept walking until she reached almost the centre of the room, finally finding herself face to face with the blessed closet. She made sure she left the lamp far enough so that it wouldn't get in the way, but not too far anyway so that it could illuminate her in the same way.

"Here we go," she said taking a deep breath and grabbing both handles from the furniture to begin opening it cautiously. The creature was not moving, for her luck, so she continued to open both doors until the black mass began to float alone in her direction.

The Boggart quickly began to change forms until it reached the final. Leevanna gripped her wand tightly and mentally repeated several times that what she was about to do was necessary.

In front of her was... _her_.

A little girl with beautiful curly hair.

Although there were also misshapen shadows behind the other girl.

She stayed in silence for a few minutes, avoiding the fact of wanting to run away as well as in her nightmares, in which many of those shadows persecuted her until they reached her and then plunged her into a huge black sea from which she couldn't get out while she heard those horrible screams.

Her eyes slowly passed from the shadows to the little girl, who was screaming silently, as if they had taken her voice away, her cheeks soaked in tears.

She could be in silent, but her screams repeated again and again in Leevanna's brain.

Out of nowhere, the eyes of the other girl turned as black as the same darkness itself and her tears were replaced by the water of that black sea.

The misshapen shadows became her father.

And while he looked at her with a twisted smile, he pointed his wand to the little girl causing that she began to convulse on the floor. Well — She wasn't exactly convulsing, she was twisting on the floor, she was being tortured.

The bloody screams.

Oh, God, no, no. It was too much. Seeing it again. It was too much.

She could not see that again. She could _not_ — She could not stand and stare at it again. She — She needed to do something. She could not just stand like that and do fucking nothing.

Not again.

But — It wasn't happening again. It was just her brain. It was just the Boggart taking advantage of her fear.

Her body could not send any type of signals, it was numb, just like her brain.

It was like a monster, nipping her body with its sharp and pansy fangs making its venom enter her body. Tearing her apart and making billions of little pins dig from within, perforating her muscles. As a black mass sliding all her body and making her feel heavy, unconscious, slowing the world as the mass drowns her.

The air was failing her, she was fighting to be able to breathe and react.

She was praying for a miracle too.

And the blessing miracle happened.

It had been like an alarm, just a little sound inside her brain that sent a current through all her body. It became stronger, she could feel her hands and legs trembling now and how her forehead had a tiny sheet of cold sweat.

She could not move her mouth yet.

She heard the alarm in her brain getting louder — but not more than the screams.

Her nerves starting to send more signals at every second, signal which travelled through her face and the hand in which her wand was.

At the same time, the alarm in her brain gave its last ring, her muscles contracted one last time to them relax and her lips parted.

" _Riddikulus_ ," the girl said loud enough pointing her wand straight at the Boggart, but it didn't do anything.

The body of the girl continued to convulse on the ground, silently screaming while Leevanna's father tightened his grip on his wand as he tried to make her suffer more.

Her father looked at her, with that twisted, sick and teasing smile of his.

She could feel arms surrounding her from behind, trying to stop her. The two arms became four, then six and she feels every time more hands touching every part of her body.

Her eyes winded and her body winced feeling the ghost of the curse her father is casting in her own body.

But he kept pointing at the little girl.

And when the man was about to mutter 'A' she knew she needed to stop whatever that was happening at that same instant.

" _Riddikulus_!" she exclaimed this time with a firm and demanding tone, turning the figure of her father in streamers and the convulsing body in a unicorn with rulers, which made a face of horror when it saw itself in the mirror behind Leevanna, who couldn't help letting go of laughter which gradually became stronger and more genuine.

She could breathe again, her muscles weren't tense anymore and she could swear she heard her brain release a sigh.

In the distance, hidden among the artefacts, but leaning and standing idly, was Draco Malfoy himself with a sideways smile on his face.

The boy had gotten up a few minutes after Leevanna because he couldn't fall asleep or even relax. He thought about going to the school kitchen for a snack, but got lost on the way and ended up finding the Room of Requirement.

 _How_? Not the slightest idea.

Perhaps, even though he was looking for the kitchen, he also expected to meet a girl with fascinating and cold green eyes on the way — though he would never admit it. He did not know why he kept seeking for her.

He had seen the little girl in front of Leevanna, but he didn't understand what was happening and decided to stay hiding.

He had not seen the entire show though, juts little parts of what was happening.

And it had been _terrifying_.

How had she had the bloody bravery to face that? How — It was horrible. He had not seen the half of it and his body had tensed.

Draco couldn't help lowering his head to hold back laughter every time the unicorn in front of Leevanna put on a new face when it saw itself in the mirror, causing the white-haired girl to genuinely laugh. Unintentionally, the blond dropped a little box to the floor, which made the girl turn around at the same time as the unicorn to see what had caused the noise.

"Who's there?" Leevanna asked as she saw a shadow turn around to hide.

She thought that it might be her cat, Nix, which decided to appear after days. And curiously, the black cat with eyes as yellow as the sun began to walk in the direction of the girl, then began to tangle between her legs as it purred.

"Nix! Bloody cat, three days you left," the little animal stared at her with an innocent face that made her laugh in the purest way. "Let's go before someone sees us," she murmured by guiding the unicorn back to the closet and, before closing it, she caressed its nose.

Draco, hearing the steps of the girl approaching, came out of his hiding place and started running to leave the place without her seeing him.

Luckily for him, Leevanna had taken enough time giving the boy time to pretend to read a book in the common room — he had the book upside down tho, but none of them realised it.

They both collided glances when the girl arrived with her cat, but neither of them spoke or stared for more than two seconds. Leevanna was still mad about Buckbeack and Draco was still thinking of a way to get revenge on her for telling Granger to hit him.

And they should not be starting at each other.

༄

At one-thirty in the morning, the 17th of June, a day before the Hogwarts Express came for the students to return them to London, Leevanna was sitting between the part that joined the columns of the passageway that led to the school garden.

The girl with green eyes had not fallen asleep for two nights now, and the fault this time wasn't entirely her nightmares, but returning to her house had her very anxious. She felt weird about going back.

After facing her Boggart, her body had entered in a sort kind of relief. It was like she was not afraid anymore. As if she was the bravest person in the entire world — or she felt like that.

Going back to her house meant that she would see her parents, in the eye. This time she would not lower her gaze.

She promised herself that. She would face them, just like she had faced her Boggart. It would be easier? She didn't know, but she didn't care either. She would face them — her father — and that was her last word.

She turned quickly when she heard some footsteps approaching her — not directly, but were close to her position. She remained silent when she saw the tall figure of Malfoy, who had frozen when he saw her.

He hadn't found a way to return what she had supposedly done, so he had simply dropped the subject and sigh in disappointment of himself. But a subject he couldn't drop — actually two subjects, one was why the hell she had gone to The Room of Requirement to face that. And the second one was why his mum had come to Hogwarts for her. The second subject had him mad at her. She was always stealing his own parents from him. She was fucking always every— _fucking_ —where, like a fucking parasite.

He thought about leaving the place because he did not want to see her eyes again, but when he saw her turn her head again, he relaxed and leaned his back against the wall behind him.

If he did not look her in the eye it was easy not to yell at her. He was not afraid of her eyes, just that he couldn't — he could not help and think about The Room of Requirement thing and his mother subject.

He contemplated her for a moment: her bending knees with her hands resting on them, and her head resting on the spine behind her while her long white hair, curly at that time and without braids, fell gracefully over her shoulders. She wore loose black pants in checkered next to a grey-coloured top that revealed a bit of her abdomen. His tongue savoured a bitter taste as his jaw clenched.

Leevanna bit her tongue until she felt the blood in it, avoiding yelling at him for being so cruel for telling his father to execute — kill Buckbeak, she closed her eyes tightly trying to contain all her desire, but she just couldn't.

She would not let another injustice pass in front of her eyes and do nothing again — she wanted to be positive about that and not a bloody coward if something similar happened.

"You're a _monster_ ," she said, her tone was medium, dangerous and she was not looking at him. "A bloody monster from hell," and the second time she said it, they both collide glances, her gaze filled with anger and resentment — as if she was ready for a war, while his filled with confusion. "You killed him, and all for your whim. _You. Killed. Him._ "

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" he asked with his eyebrows frowned while crossing his arms over his chest.

"What do you think I'm talking about?" She responded sarcastically before slowly denying with her head and turning her gaze back to the moon; Draco understood that she was referring to the beast that Hagrid had brought.

"Oh, fuck off, _yeah_?" he replied bitterly. "Don't be pathetic."

"It was innocent. You fucking disgust me," said the withe-haired girl, the bitterness in her voice growing in every word.

"And I feel sorry for you," he said without thinking. "Talking to fucking Mudbloods to do your dirty work for you," then Draco let go of sour laughter full of sarcasm. "What a _disappointment_."

Her eyes winded open. He just called her a _what_? How — How _dare_ he?!

" _What_?" She replied turning her gaze towards him while laughing sarcastically.

"Have you thanked filthy Granger already?" he asked in return. "Are you best friends with her now?"

"Oh, please," she said sarcastically after she stopped laughing. "Why the hell would I thank Granger? What's more, why would I speak to her?"

"Aha, keep playing the one who doesn't know anything," he replied, shaking his head in denying after rolling his eyes and leaning his back against the wall.

"Do you think I told her to punch you?" she laughed, pointing her index finger to herself; he stared into her eyes. "And not give me the pleasure of doing it _myself_? Please," she said, shaking her head still laughing before her tone changed drastically, becoming as cold as ice. "I do know how to get my hands dirty and then wash them, _Malfoy_. "

"It doesn't seem, _Vaughan_."

"Fuck you."

"Or what? Are you going to fucking cry?"

"Listen to me," she began threateningly before crossing her arms and starting to approach the blond, he did the same thing, "that nine out of ten want to hit you in the face with a bat full of rusty bar-nails, it's _not_ my fault," she continued faking a smile as her feet unconsciously brought her closer to the boy. "So don't ever say that I don't have enough courage and need to send someone to do the dirty work for me, let alone think things that aren't, yeah?"

"And you should do the same," he replied by pretending the same smile. "On a whim, I can do whatever I bloody well want, I don't care what it is," they were both three feet from each other.

"Stand up to kill is in the list?" She snapped with sarcasm, relaxing her arms. "Killing someone or something innocent doesn't make you better than anyone else in this damn world!"

"Find out how much I care about your opinion!" He responded by imitating her action.

"With you, it is bloody impossible!"

"And the lady 'I command to beat other people and do the dirty work for her' says it!"

"I didn't tell Granger to do anything!"

"I didn't want them to kill the hippogriff either!"

"I don't believe you!"

"My fucking goodness, stop being so freaking stubborn! I'm telling you the fucking truth!"

"Me too!" and neither of them realised that they were closer than before.

"I didn't know my father was going to send the animal to get executed," Draco said between teeth with accelerated breathing.

"I don't fucking believe you," Leevanna replied in the same way.

"Neither do I."

"Understand, I didn't say anything to Granger!"

"You know? I was fucking right about you," he looked at her with despise and ending with a bitter smile. "You _are_ a fucking cunt."

She gasped and laughed sarcastically and bitterly. "How fucking _dare_ you?!" And she pushes him with anger, rudely.

And he pushes her too. "You are fucking acting like one! You are always acting like a fucking cunt!"

"Look who talks about being a cunt! You fucking twat!"

"What were you doing with my mum a few days ago?" He changed the subject.

"None of your fucking business," she said between teeth.

"None of my business?" he laughed sarcastically. "Is _my_ mum! Not fucking yours!"

"At least you have a mum who fucking cares, you know?!" she yelled. "And you treat her like fucking rubbish!"

"Don't fucking talk about how I behave!"

"Don't stick your nose into my business then!"

"Aw, are you going to cry now?!"

"Why are you even angry?! She is just trying to fucking help me! Learn to fucking share!"

"It's my fucking family! You are fucking always stealing them away from me!"

"I AM _NOT!_ It's not my fault that you can't spend a fucking single second without being so fucking dramatic!"

" _DRAMATIC?!_ They are _my_ parents! You always have to do something to make them be at your fucking feet! They already have a son if you haven't noticed!"

"Have you even apologised to your mum for all the things you said to her days ago?! Did you know how you made her feel?!"

"Oh, please! Go and talk about feelings shite with someone else! What's more! Do you actually have fucking feelings?!"

"Don't you fucking dare to talk about—"

"Or what?! OR FUCKING WHAT?! It's not my fault your parents didn't fucking want you!"

"You know fucking what?! I FUCKING _HATE_ YOU! _I HATE YOU_ SO FUCKING MUCH!"

"Oh, what a lovely surprise! I FUCKING _HATE_ YOU, TOO! _I HATE YOU_ MORE THAN YOU COULD EVEN IMAGINE!

"YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER! Always being fucking stubborn and wanting things at your fucking way even if you hurt fucking people and always wanting to fucking control fucking everything!"

"DON'T FUCKING TALK ABOUT MY FATHER! Oh— Wait! He is not my father anymore! Is fucking yours!"

"I don't want him to be my father! But with you as a son, I can fucking see why he prefers me!"

"I FUCKING GIVE THEM TOU YOU THEN! You can have them all you want! You are always stealing people anyways! You are like a fucking parasite!"

"YOU STOLE SEVERUS FROM ME! You made him leave me fucking alone! Tell me who is the fucking parasite here?!"

"What the fucking hell are you talking about?!"

"Be fucking grateful that people fucking cares about you even if you treat them like fucking shit!"

"Shut up."

"Shut me up."

Then the unexpected happened: Draco took Leevanna's cheeks tightly before joining their lips together.

His lips on hers.

Both had cold, marble lips.

Both mouths against the other. Unmoving. Just there. Waiting. None of them could react. She had not pushed him back. He had not pulled away.

They were not exactly kissing. They were just there. They were not kissing... Not — Not yet. But they were not supposed to — They — They could _not_ —

And she gasped silently. Opening her mouth.

His hands did not leave her cheeks. Actually, they find their way until one of them was near her hair, almost touching it, almost caressing it.

He swallowed her gasp — as if he needed that breath that she was holding as if it belonged to him for the moment — and her next breath in one as well as his own gut out of her pink lips. She — She swallowed his breath too — his slightly shaky, cold breath with hints of lemon balm and peppermint.

It had been just a small clash of breaths and closed eyes as Malfoy's lips crashed against Leevanna's — but then — the unexpected had been that his upper lip fell between both of hers, and his tongue ghosted across her lower lip when she opened her mouth.

And she made a quiet, little sound — Not like a gasp or a groan — It was — Was something new, subtle, between the two but at the same time not, it had been like a sigh — A tiny sound that encouraged his lips, which caught her upper lip and making her tongue pass across his lower lip, just like his had done. And he tastes the cherry syrup and honey flavour her breath has, not wanting to let it go.

Heat rose from their stomachs to their chests.

It is just at that moment that they both realise how bad they wanted that. She could only focus on how soft and reassuring he felt against her cold mouth, how he invaded all her senses — He was close — Too close. His eyelashes brushing against hers. The warm feeling of her breath, although destabilising, was inviting him and he was getting intoxicated with her taste, feeling every part of her sweet mouth.

It had been a little erotic, enigmatic, filled with sweetness and softness even after all the things they said and it felt — Strange... But good — Very good — Nearly forbidden.

It had been like a little breathing.

Just a little connection of flesh and taste that lasted all of three clicks of the clock's quickest hand but for them it had felt eternal.

Neither of them thought about what they were doing, until, a few seconds later, both separated abruptly and with their eyes wide open.

Their pulses entered in panic. Their brains sending signals and danger alarms everywhere. But they were not thinking.

Their skins prickle. Their lips tingle.

And they are just there.

Standing in front of each other feeling their brains numb and the ghost of the other's lips on theirs.

"I-I..." Tried to say Leevanna between mumbles and stutters, feeling how her cheeks became red.

He had touched her.

"I-I think..." Draco said the same way, starting to walk backwards to get away from the girl, she repeated the action.

He had fucking touched her.

"I'd better go," Leevanna hurried before starting to walk — _run_ — away from the boy and head straight to the Slytherin dungeons.

Draco stayed in place for a second, frozen in time, a current passed through his body and he forced himself to start walking towards his room.

Neither looked at each other when they passed the other in the common room when they crossed, they rushed to get to their rooms and get into their beds still with the feeling of nervousness in their bodies. They both touched their lips once they were in bed laying down.

What the hell had just happened?


	5. Trying

"Are the Vaughans coming, father?" asked Draco.

"I think so," Lucius replied without looking at him. Narcissa was waiting for them in their seats.

The summer had passed smoothly, at least that's what Draco thought. Apart from getting so numb and sick that he couldn't stand up from his bed — he had done it anyway though. Because the summer classes to get inside the Ministry of Magic wouldn't be attended alone. That ones the only reason why he left his bed. Then he would come back and cover himself in his duvets of comforters to avoid the world.

His mother sometimes knocked on the door twice a day, to bring him food he wouldn't eat and ask if he was okay. He only answered with a sort of growl against his pillow and an _'I'm fine. Go away.'_

He didn't want to worry her. For what it would be? What he would say to her? _'Mother I kissed Vaughan and now I can't get her out'_? Ha. Nice try but it isn't.

That kiss — if he could even call it that — with Leevanna had kept him distracted for more than a week and he didn't understand why. That kiss was the reason for his suffering the summer holidays. He hadn't even eaten!

He should not think about that kiss.

But he couldn't help it.

The two summer months, he had had to try and block his memory so he wouldn't enter in a kind of trance remembering the coldness but at the same time warmth, her lips had.

Why — Why he hadn't done it before? Why — Why he had never imagined kissing her, her lips? Why _not_?

All the time he had been in Hogwarts he had always heard how the boys talked about her and how pretty and nice she was. Always. Since bloody first year. Since the first time she stepped down the Hogwarts Express. Since the first time she entered The Great Hall and The Sorting Hat said _'Slytherin!'_

Although in first year, everyone was a bit scared of her and her family — because all the rumours that rolled through the castle. But he had never judged her or listened to the accusations because everyone was a bit scared of his father too.

In first year she seemed so shy, always blushing softly when someone spoke to her or a professor made her step to the front. Everyone wondered why she wore those black leather gloves which prevented her to touch anything or anyone. He could remember the first time someone had touched her — by accident and was barely a brush — and she had jumped so scared that she had fallen to the floor after slapping aggressively the hand of the person who had dared to touch her — a boy from third year at that time.

The boy had tried to apologise because he had thought that he had slapped her or something but she started trembling as she screamed that he could not touch or even approach her. He could remember how everyone looked so worried and a prefect from Ravenclaw had to call Severus Snape. Nobody talked about it after that — everyone wondered why she had reacted so aggressively and defensively but nobody asked.

That year also was the first time he saw her crying and in total panic. That had been the first time she said to him that she had nightmares — she did not explain why or what kind of nightmares and he did not ask. That year was also the first time she crossed paths with him and he had tears on his face. She had just sat with him in the couch and talked about the book she was reading — something about a curse in ancient Egypt and a prophecy — and he listened to her, every detail she said about it as his tears slowly stopped.

Second year had been a bit calmer and some boys even started to like her — even bloody Theodore Nott had liked her. Every time he heard how the boys of their house and some others talked about how pretty she looked, Draco could not help but frown and shudder — he could not agree on that. She had also stopped using the gloves that year.

That year had also its weird part when he saved her from falling off a broom and die. She had got scared when his hands caught her so abruptly but did not say anything. He could remember also how that year she was always brewing potions because of a book her godfather had given her and how sometimes she asked him if he wanted to join her. That had been also the year when Dobby, his house-elf had been freed by no one else but bloody Harry Potter and he could recall how she blushed a bit when she asked him if he was feeling okay with that, he had said yes because his father would not be mean to him anymore.

Third year had been quite... _different_ — strange and bloody _confusing_.

The first time he saw her, because she hadn't spent holidays with the Malfoys, he could not help and feel something twisting in his stomach. It had been weird — very weird — and he thought that maybe he was sick or something but — sick _why_?

That year had been the first time he had stared at her for more than five seconds. That year had been the first time he had looked at her body — how much it had changed in the summer and how her features seemed finer and more delicate. How her curls were soft and distracting now. How in every place he looked or went, she was there. How her cheeks and little nose became rosy in winter — or the way she sipped her hot chocolate and passed her tongue across her lower lip savouring every part of it. The way her eyes shone when she went to Hagrid's class and he brought new beasts and the professor let her touch them.

That year, at least the time they could spend a record time without fighting, both had ice-staked on the frozen Black Lake near Christmas dates. And he couldn't not smile all the time he was with her. But that time had also been the first time they fought quite often, almost every day, saying things they knew would hurt the other in a way the rest couldn't imagine. It had been the first time they had said — yelled — _'I hate you'_ , they had never said that before, it was always _'despise'_ , so it had felt pretty nasty.

And that year was also the first time he — he had _kissed_ her.

He could not help and think about her.

He could not help and think about how her soft lips had pressed his, how she had caught his upper lip and how her tongue had ghosted his flesh. He could not avoid thinking and losing himself in the memory of her shaky, cold breath with hints of cherry syrup and honey — the way he had breathed her gasps filling his mouth with her intoxicating and _venomous_ flavour.

His hands had trembled for a couple of hours after the kiss, feeling the ghost of the skin of her tender cheeks against the palm of his hands — how his fingers had been so close but so distant from her hair.

_"Shut me up."_

For holy fuck's sake.

The determination in her voice, all the things they said, the cold gaze she had gave him before they breathed against the other.

It had felt so good — so _tasty_ and — it could _not_ happen again.

A couple of days ago, her father, Nicholas Vaughan, had been at his manor, but the green-eyed girl had not come with him.

He had thanked that. He really did not want to see her after... _That_.

But Draco could not help it and now was wondering if she was going to come with her parents to The Quidditch World Cup or only they would come, but he didn't want to ask his father any more questions, or else he was going to end up questioning him.

And also he should not think about her... And her soft, tasty lips—

_Fuck's sake, mate, stop_ , the voice in his head snapped in an internal growl.

What the hell was wrong with him? Why he couldn't push his feelings away as he had done all his life? His façade of stone faded away like smoke with the breeze in matter of bloody seconds.

He was going to _Occlude_. Needs to do it or all is going to go to the same shite. He could not let his façade fall just because yes.

So it starts. Doesn't need to close his eyes — and he would fall if he did it.

In his mind's eye appears something similar to a flower book or photo album. The images of her start reproducing and his jaw clenches because he can almost smell and taste her.

Two glassy emeralds shining under the moonlight, coasts of dark green contrasting with white and fine red spider webs. A blink. Thick eyelashes and eyebrows framing clear green waters that conduce to a dark abysm nobody would ever leave. And now there is just an abysm, black and dark. No light, no moonlight, no shining.

Soft ribbons and bows. Blood-rushed but yet so cold. Warm inside. Cherry syrup and honey ghost his mouth for a second before the taste becomes bitter, fading away until it leaves him.

White spirals. Soft against the skin of his hands. It tangles in his fingers, embracing them. Now they drain, leaving his hands. It dies and becomes dark. Rough. Red fruits that now are dead against the dying grass. Wilted flowers and spring skies are frozen, the winter breathes and covers everything, burying the memories and smells with ice and snow.

The texture of her skin its like silk. He forgets about it. Doesn't exist. It is now deep inside that abysm.

The flower book closes and the essences die against the old pages. Now a trunk, small one. Dark wood and a padlock with the shape of a silver rose. The key drowns in a dark sea. He hopes it gets lost next to the trunk — next to the many others he has in that dark sea.

Now it is just a sea. No flowers. No cherry syrup and honey. Everything is dark. Calm.

"Well put in this way, if it rains..." began to say his father by pulling him out of his thoughts.He realised that he was heading to the Weasleys and next to them were Hermione Granger and Harry Potter. "You'll be the first to know," the blond, hearing his father's words, placed a hand on the railing and giggled sarcastically.

"Father and I are in the minister's box... By _personal_ invitation of Cornelius Fudge himself," the boy decided to add without thinking about it a lot, but all he got was for his father to push him with his cane into the stomach.

He hated that he did that, the blows with that bloody cane had been chasing him since he was a child.

But he would never tell him that his blows hurt him. Those memories are deep down the dark sea too. Shoved rudely into a dark wooden trunk and a padlock with a normal shape.

He wonders how many keys and trunks are inside that deep sea. Wonders how painful it would be seeking the correct key for each of them when the water dries and the memories lie against the black sand.

"Don't boast Draco," said his father looking him up and down before putting a fake smile on his face as he directed his gaze to the Weasley's. "There's no need with these people," and then he caught Potter's hand with his cane before he could leave. "Do enjoy yourself, won't you? ...While you can."

When they reached their seats, he greeted the Minister and then all those his father ordered him to do before his mother hugged him and left a kiss on his cheek, he only dedicated her a half-smile and kissed her cheek back. He had apologised for the things he had said to her barely he put a foot on his manor.

The blond looked around, looking for the girl's white hair, but he didn't find anyone with that particular hair.

He felt a little disappointed.

Though didn't know _why_.

But he was also relieved somehow.

_The trunk. Think about the dark sea._

And he does, obliging him to push all aside and not think more about it.

"Are you looking for someone, Draco?" His father asked curiously, provoking him to give a small jump.

"No," he answered immediately. "I was... I was only watching," his father looked at him for a second, then nodded and sat in his respective place.

Draco was grateful that he hadn't asked any more questions. Or he wouldn't know how to answer them.

He himself hadn't had the slightest idea of what the hell was happening to him.

Hours later, after the Quidditch game ended, his father had told him to hurry out of the place while he put a mask on his face, then his father left him alone and his mother did the same after leaving a kiss on his cheek. Draco had an idea of what was going to happen. He had heard a part of the conversation Lucius and Nicholas had had to in his father's office but preferred not to eavesdrop more or bother his father. He was kind of scared of Nicholas Vaughan too... His eyes had caught many of the times when the man — his head shook.

He wouldn't think about it. He had Occlude those memories too and planned not to let them out or it would trigger to let more trunks broke their silver and heavy padlocks.

He headed to the woods, alone and trying to look the most utterly relaxed he could. He leaned against a tree with his arms folded and watching the scene at the campsite through a gap in the trees.

He wondered if Leevanna would be with him too if she had come.

He rolled his eyes.

Why the fuck did he need to fucking keep thinking about her?

He was going fucking mental — more than he already was.

A few minutes later, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter made their presence.

"Oh, fuck off," Ron said to Malfoy.

And his other two friends glanced him knowing he would have never dared to say that in front of his father, but Draco would say in front of his — muttering it, but he definitely would.

"Language, Weasley," answered Draco, his pale eyes glittering. "Hadn't you better be hurrying along, now? You wouldn't like her spotted, would you?"

He nods at Hermione, and at the same moment, a blast like a bomb sounded from the campsite, and a flash of green light momentarily lit the trees around them. Draco looked away trying to control the necessity of starting drumming his fingers against his leg because of the anxiety the loud and deep noise had caused him.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" said Hermione defiantly.

_And she is The Brightest witch of our age?_ His own voice internally said. _Le—_

_Don't you even_ dare _to complete that_ , his conscience snapped.

"Granger..." said the blond. "They are... After... Fucking... Muggles," every word as if he was explaining something to a baby. "D'you want to be showing off your knickers in midair? Because if you do, hang around... They're moving this way, and it would give us all a good laugh."

"Hermione's a witch," Harry snarled.

The blond raised an eyebrow. "Have it your own way, Potter," said Draco, grinning maliciously. "If you think they can't spot a filthy fucking Mudblood, stay where you are, I don't mind."

"You watch your mouth!" shouted Weasley.

Draco rolled his eyes.

"Don't bother, Ron," he heard Hermione said quickly, seizing Weasley's arm to restrain him as he took a step toward him.

There came a bang from the other side of the trees that was louder than anything they had heard. Several people nearby screamed. Draco chuckled softly.

"Scare easily, don't they?" he said lazily and still looking. "I suppose your daddy told you all to go and try to hide? What's he up to— trying to rescue the bloody Muggles?"

"Where are your parents?" said Harry. "Out there wearing those masks, are they?"

Draco turned his face to Harry, still grinning.

"I'm gonna quote the great Leevanna Vaughan... _'At least I have parents_ '," and he tried so hard not to laugh. "And... Well... If they were there, I wouldn't be likely to tell you, would I, _Orphan_?"

"Oh, come on," said Hermione, with a disgusted look at the blond, "just... Let's go and find the others."

"Try to keep that big and bushy head down, Granger," sneered Draco.

"Let's go," Hermione repeated, and she pulled Harry and Ron up their path again.

A sarcastically closed-mouth smile decorated his face as he looked at the ground again. He then frowned.

Why _the fuck_ he had said that?

Granger was a filthy Mudblood, he shouldn't bother if she died or not that night.

_"Stop saying that word," Leevanna huffed rolling her eyes before hitting him with her book. "Have a civilised conversation for once, bottle blondie."_

_"But you despise them too," he said narrowing his eyes at her._

_"Yeah, but I have manners, I'm a Queen, remember?" she said raising an eyebrow teasingly._

A deep and frightening sound made him look up quickly and he observed better what was happening a few metres where he was: explosions, people screaming and running, fire, green lights.

Leevanna's voice repeated in his head.

_"Killing someone or something innocent doesn't make you better than anyone else in this damn world!"_

He shook his head kicking a small stone softly with his shoe.

God, he despised her voice. It drove him bloody mental.

It was cold, her voice was _very_ cold.

But it had this thing... Something in it that was reassuring and _sweet_ at the same time—

_I really pity you_ , said again the voice in his head, already tired and angry.

He closes his eyes for a moment and feels his jaw clenching while the sound of her voice shoves itself down the deep, dark sea.

When his parents found him, he decided not to ask anything about what happed before, he just remained silent, that was the best and he knew it. It was always the best.

༄

The first of September, when all the students were getting off the Hogwarts Express, Draco left the train quickly as his fingers ran through his hair.

He didn't understand _why_ , but he was kind of excited.

He did not want to be excited. He shouldn't be excited.

But he couldn't help it.

_The sea. The flower book. The trunk._

He looked for the white hair of a specific girl and when he saw her, that feeling he had felt a few days after kissing her, invaded his body.

Yep, he really despised her.

Leevanna Vaughan stepped off the train with complete serenity, her gaze was low, looking at where to step so as not to fall. When her long hair accompanied her walk, Draco couldn't help but frown: instead of a completely white pure hair, from below half, her hair was completely black.

The girl began to walk as if the place belonged to her, which attracted many glances to her and also some murmur, surely due to her hair and how fucking awesome it looked on her.

Behind her, Lhu came down, and then a tall, dark-skinned boy followed: Blaise Zabini. The black-haired guy, who had changed a lot during summer, hurried to put a smile on his face and reach the white-haired girl, after that he tried to place an arm on Leevanna's shoulders, but she simply looked at him confused and separated from the boy remaining on his side only. She didn't want to be touched.

The green-eyed one placed a devilish smile on her lips and as she walked, she winked at any boy that crossed in her way or moved her hair gracefully with every step and movement her hips took.

What had happened to the girl's life in recent months? And since when she was like _that_?

Leevanna, after the kiss with Malfoy, had returned to the empty and cold mansion she tried to call a home.

She hadn't managed to reconcile the dream in an entire week — more even — since every time she closed her eyes the image of her and Malfoy kissing appeared in front of her.

She hadn't stopped touching her lips in all that time.

And she despised it.

She had even brushed her lips with toothpaste and soap so many times to remove that ghost of his cold lips touching and breathing her.

Though it hadn't worked.

It had just caused that tiny wounds and scratches make presence on them making blood sprout and her blood-rushed flesh to burn.

As the days passed, her father had told her to resume her self-defence classes and the ones that would help her to be inside the Ministry of Magic. And that was exactly what she had done — as always her father ordered something, although she had also had her moments of fun. When she was alone at home, she took the opportunity to get out of there and walk all over Wiltshire, or England itself, sometimes she went to Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade, other times she used Apparition — an ability she had learnt from Severus the last summer and then took the exam few days after that — to go to London or Salem in United States — where all her offspring had started. Other times she visited Lhu, but for a short time because her parents would tell the green-eyed's that she had been there without any permission.

She met a lot of people on the way and certainly didn't miss the opportunity to flirt with a few guys when she had the opportunity.

But _why_?

Because she thought that in that way she could freeze all the things in her head and forget the touch of his lips.

Because she must _not_ feel.

She should not do it. She should not— But it was inevitable. Not even being an extremely good Occlumence helped.

She had tried to put everything in a jewellery box and shove the lid rudely as she did with all the memories she didn't want to open again. It had been velvet grey, soft as a feather but hard as a stone. Cold at touch but deep inside is soft and fluffy.

Days. She had fucking spent days locked in her room as she tried to put the memories inside.

Thick, prowling clouds in a thunderstorm. Like the fog on a winding road, blurring her vision and muddling her sense of direction. As dark and melancholy as the ashes of the people who die in war. But yet so electrifying as the lightning bolts of a thunderstorm.

Grey. As mist. As pain.

It is like the number 8089. It confuses her with its confusing and strange shape, and weird but rhythmic pronunciation. Eighty, eighty-nine.

The numbers are like a riddle. Has to decipher how to make it make sense inside her brain. But doesn't want to.

Then it had been the texture and shape of hands. Long. Delicate. Veiny. Soft and yet with a hint of rough. The way they had slid up her face, holding and cupping tightly but yet so careful.

Next thing had been lips. Cold as marble or stone in winter and so blood-rushed that it seemed a river of the scarlet liquid. Soft ribbons wrapping her own in a way she wouldn't have ever dare to imagine but yet lived all the time in her mind.

She had pushed the pompous memory in its jewellery velvet box. Shoved the lid and thrown it into a deep and dark abysm without hope of recovering it.

Fucking _days_ it had taken.

And what had happened to her hair? She didn't know either.

Two weeks after returning home, she had woke up on a very normal morning and when she saw herself in the mirror she almost shouts out a cry from the fright. She had tried to cut it, but it was impossible, it grew back and it became even blacker.

Why did it grow? _How_ did it grow? She didn't have the slightest idea.

Her mother hadn't said anything about it, she just told her to leave it in that way and that it was «a disappointment», which left her quite confused, to be honest, but didn't surprise her.

Her parents had never told her pretty things as normal ones do — or should do —, they had never had given her affection or something similar. They just bought the things she asked for when she needed them or wanted because of a whim.

When she was younger — like eight or nine —, she had had this phase in which she asked for a lot of things until she drove her parents crazy, the most expensive things they could buy. She thought that maybe if she kept asking for more and more, there was gonna be a moment when they started to really pay attention to her or maybe she could fill that emptiness in her chest. But as she grew up and learned more things — especially after _that_ had happened —, she had found her behaviour the most ridiculous thing in the entire world, she had really felt beyond pathetic.

The things she asked for were worthless and priceless compared to a real family, with happiness and all. She had learned to expect nothing of her parents more than yells, hits and cruel worlds.

And she was okay with that. She did not listen to them, they did not listen to her.

In her house, all the people were like strangers, and they were just three and quite a few house-elves they had acquired with the years. Nobody talked to the other if it wasn't required and that didn't happen very often.

The house-elves in the kitchen barely talk to her or her parents. Maglor was the only one who did it. Gram, the personal house-elf her parents used since a couple of years, only glanced her every now and then but didn't speak to her if it wasn't a message of any of her parents.

Leevanna had become even more rebellious, cold, and heartless. She didn't care any longer about being behind her parents — especially her mother — all the time until they paid her a little attention, she no longer cared about happiness or feeling something in general.

She had decided to pack the remainder of both of her parents in a bag of seeds she had also threw to the abysm where many other things were still falling or maybe already hit the ground.

She wanted to keep it that way.

The kiss with Draco didn't let her sleep, so she had kissed another boy, followed by another and another one and another one to forget. She had done more than kiss even.

It had taken a lot for her to let other's touch her skin. She had jumped scared the first times, but she started to relax after that. She was starting to understand that they would not hurt her — she tried to be positive — if they touched her. They would not hit her or something.

And she was doing it for a good cause. All just to forget and froze her emotions.

She has learned boys love the game and how she shows them heaven and sin at the same. They just want one night of incredible things and a nightmare dressed like a daydream.

That helps. She wants the same. Not taking it too far to then go down in flames of unspoken affairs which leave you breathless.

Her new conquest was Blaise... It had been a very weird thing, how all started. They had met in Diagon Alley a few weeks ago before school and had a little chat while drinking coffee and buying their stuff. It had ended with them kissing from the absolute nowhere. And he had stuck to her like gum since then, thing that annoyed her all the time but he hadn't seem to understand, or just didn't want to. Though she had specified to him that she didn't want anything serious.

That had her in a bad mood.

But then she collided glances with a blond she bad known for years now, she felt weird things in her stomach. She didn't know how to describe the sensation. It was like little tickles in her belly which made sparkles appear in her eyes.

Both quickly looked away, trying not to think about their kiss and all the things they had said to each other due to anger.

God, they despised the other for making them feel weird things.

He huffed and slowly looked back at her.

She looked back too.

And seeing his playful half-smile towards her as he twirled his tongue against the inner part of his cheek, made her heart skip a beat.

Yeah, she despised him for that.

But couldn't help but genuinely smile and roll her eyes in amusement as she started walking in his direction at a calm pace without repairing that Blaise was speaking to her — she couldn't care less about him, really. Yeah, he was her friend and all, but she wanted to be alone for a moment.

When she was in front of him seeing how he smiled at her, she didn't know what to do and neither did he. They were just standing in front of each other trying not to laugh.

None of them was used to showing affection in public, what was supposed to happen after that moment?

He despised her for having softened him and made his insides feel weird things.

And just before Leevanna could even open her mouth to say something to the blond, Blaise put an arm around her shoulders and said hi to Draco, Lhu did the same. The green-eyed sighed and her eye-roll was barely visible, maybe for one time she could let Blaise surround her shoulders.

"Three months and you're still a twat," the girl said with a smile passing through his side.

"Three months and you're still a cunt," Draco replied before pulling a strand of hair gently and starting to walk.

"Oh, piss off, yeah?"

"After you, then."

Maybe, just maybe, that year things would change.

Maybe for good, maybe for bad.

When they were in the large dining room, Lhu kept asking her best friend about what happened in the summer, or at least the parts she didn't have knowledge about. Leevanna, for her part, responded distracted and her eyes clashed with Draco's eyes every now and then.

What the hell happened or was _wrong_ with her? She had never been like that.

Both were a little tense and the environment was the same. All the things they had said to each other still remained in their heads, repeating over and over again. They did not know what the fuck to do. They were supposed to talk? To apologise for all the things they had said? To ignore the other? To fight as always? What the fucking hell were they supposed to fucking do?!

Fuck's sake they really despised the other.

"Here your bubblegum comes," Lhu warned her laughing, which caught the girl's attention, who put a face of horror when he saw the dark-skinned boy walking in her direction next to another of his friends.

"Merlin's beard, do he has a walnut instead of a brain?" the black-and-white-haired one complained before quickly picking up her things and grabbing Lhu's wrist to leave that place and find another one.

She had told him she needed space, but he didn't seem to grasp the true meaning. Maybe he didn't want to.

Her gaze quickly travelled to the empty place next to Draco's side — it was as if the universe were making fun of both of them — and she hurried to pull her friend to get there quickly before Blaise realized she was no longer in her place.

"D'you mind? No, obviously not, you love me. _Move_ ," she said quickly, pushing Malfoy aside so that Lhu could reach a seat.

"You can't be separated from me for a second, eh, Vaughan," the blond replied while letting a burst of laughter come out of his lips, she only rolled her eyes in amusement. She took off her middle finger with a sarcastic smile.

The environment slowly relaxing between both. The things they had said becoming mutters in the background of their minds which tried to remind them that what they were doing shouldn't be happening.

"Not that I was Blaise," the girl said without thinking before adjusting the sleeves of her robes.

Both glanced at each other when their arms brushed. Both looked away immediately.

The dark sea once calm now has violent waves that taunt and threat to let the trunk and key to come out and lie on the black sand coast.

The abysm now seems very small. Just a hole where you can see the end and the sun hits as in summer. It hurts.

Both close their eyes for a moment. Trying not to let the presence of the other affect them at all. Trying to calm the rough waves and make the hole deeper and bigger.

Confusion is like the colour yellow, a bright ray of it and brown spots over it. Brown like fertilizer dirt, dark and with a disgusting smell. It doesn't have sense, the combination of the two colours.

One is the rays of the sun. It drives you mad according to how it goes growing every hour. Confuses you when you spend many hours under it without water. Makes your head hurt and throb. Hallucinations start merging with your reality. Doesn't let you think and kills your thoughts.

The other colour — in spots like circles — is because of the feeling it gives you smell that kind of dirt. Your nose becomes sensible and you cannot get out the sensation or smell of your brain. It glues at you for a long period of time.

Confusion is like number 56. It has the shape of a riddle. Its pronunciation is funny too. And also number 8089. Both numbers make Leevanna confuse and get lost.

"Stalker problems, Vaughan?" mocked Theodore Nott throwing a small grape at her pulling both teenagers out of her thoughts.

"The problem is..." She said playfully also throwing him a grape. "That you are not my stalker, Nott."

"Salazar's sake free me about that again," the boy said before shuddering. Leevanna took out her middle finger while Draco laughed.

"What are you laughing at, bottle blondie?" asked the girl with a raised eyebrow.

"And what did I do now?!" The blond questioned outraged when the girl threw him a grape.

" _Esistere_ ," mocked Leevanna biting a piece of pineapple. She loved to use different languages. Italian was quite her favourite.

" _Tu sais que tu m'aimes,_ " he said raising an eyebrow. And the blond was fond of French.

" _In je dromen_ ," she rolled her eyes playfully before taking another piece of the fruit to her mouth. Dutch was certainly another of her favourites.

Both were relaxed again now. All the insults were just whispers and the warnings in that mass full of convolutions which was supposed to control their actions and stimulus, were slowly turning off.

The waves were calm again. The trunk where a flower book is keeps being locked and very deep in the dark waters.

The hole now is an abysm again. Deep. Dark. Without end. The grey velvet jewellery box keeps falling and she hopes it never quits being drop.

"You know, they say that when a girl eats pineapple her taste is better," said Theodore out of nowhere making Lhu chock on her pineapple juice.

" _Why_ am I friends with you again?" said the girl once she could breathe.

"Because you love me," replied Theo winking at her.

"False, I already have someone I fancy," said Lhu without thinking before taking a piece of meat to her mouth. Then she opened her eyes realising what she had said.

"Gringotts is a better place to keep secrets at this point," sighed Leevanna resting her cheek on her hand.

She held a cherry from its steam from a dessert that near her and took it to her lips before opening them and put the fruit inside.

For Draco, it all happened in slow motion, from when her thin and slender fingers grasped the stem and the way the light of the place reflected on her long and perfect shaped nails, to the way her soft pink lips parted and gave way for the fruit to enter.

It had been the most innocent and meaningless act and now his insides were fluttering.

Sweet Salazar. He was going mental.

Worst of all, his eyes couldn't leave her rosy mouth. Did she even know the things she was doing to him? Fuck with her. The way her pretty lips pressed against the red fruit and slowly glided to taste a piece of the pulp on her tongue and let the rest of the fruit escape was causing him a fever.

And he wondered if she would bite his lip the way she did it with the fruit.

The also red liquid that the fruit had let out, now stained her lips leaving a wet trail that he could perfectly appreciate discreetly.

His insides continued to flutter as she licked her lips with her tongue and wiped away the liquid to taste it inside her mouth. The tip of her tongue sweeping and caressing sensually. Just how she had done when they kissed a few months ago.

And he wonders if he kisses her right now maybe her lips would continue to have the taste of the fruit.

That night certainly he was going to dream in cherries. Red, brightly and perfect shaped ones.

"Daphne!" she says with a smile while a trace of dark red keeps decorating her lips. Now he has an excuse to look at the side and glance her for a second. "How was Greece?"

"Fucking amazing," says the older Greengrass sister chuckling. "Pansy and I went to all the places you told us."

"Acropolis of Athens and Meteora were my fucking favourites," says Pansy exchanging her cherries for the green grapes Leevanna has. "The fucking view, Merlin's sake."

"You went to Elafonisi?" Leevanna asks before taking another cherry to her mouth. And Draco wonders in what moment Pansy and the green-eyed sit to chat about Greece and its wonders. The raven-hared one nods at the girl's question. "The pink against the electric blue is fucking mesmerising, innit?"

"We have loads of picture and things to tell you, Salazar's soul," Daphne chuckled. "After the knees up, sleepover in our room."

"We're having a knees up?" Lhu frowns.

"The one in the Room of Requirement," says Draco taking his goblet of pineapple juice to his mouth. And he realises that he just got into a girls-talk. "Friday."

"Can we go? Please, Leev!" pleads Lhu grabbing her best friend's arm, shaking her as a way to convince her. "Don't say no! Please, please!" Leevanna lets out a laugh while her hand grabs the table to not land on Malfoy when Lhu keeps shaking her. "I'll do your essays for two weeks! I'll buy you as many cherry liquorice wands and sugar quills as you want! Please! _Please_!"

Draco grins against his glass hearing Leevanna's laugh. And feels stupid.

"But you go, you know I don't—" she blushes. "You know I don't mingle," her head shakes lightly with her eyes closed for a second before looking at her friend again. "Promenade isn't my thing."

"Oh, Gods, don't lie," says Lhu with a raised eyebrow and a grin. " _Pleaseee_..."

"Fine, I'll go with you," Leevanna's eyes rolls and she laughs a second. "You're going?"

And Draco just realises the question is for him. That she is actually speaking to him. _Directly_. So he turns his head leaving the goblet in his hand on the table. "Hm?"

"To the knees up, Malfoy," she says with obviousness. Doesn't believe she just asked him. Directly. "Promenade as normal people and in look of suitors."

"Probably," he shrugs. "See you there, Vaughan," he chuckles.

"As if I wanted to see you," she rolls her eyes again in leisure before pushing him playfully and turning to look at the professors' table.

A few minutes after the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang schools arrived and Dumbledore dictated the rules of the contest, Barty Crouch appeared.

"No student under the age of seventeen shall be allowed to put forth their name for The Tri-Wizard Tournament. This decision is final," the worker of the Ministry of Magic concluded while everyone began to boo and complain.

"THAT'S RUBBISH!!" The Weasley twins said catching Leevanna's attention.

Although The Golden Trio was not entirely to her liking, she certainly enjoyed the jokes of those twins and this year she would not miss the opportunity to get their attention with a joke. She wanted more friends for Lhu and her.

After Dumbledore finished saying his speech and the banquet ended, Leevanna got up next to Lhu.

"I would have liked to have seen you there, Malfoy," the girl said in the blond's ear and winkled an eye while she left.

"Want to help with an ageing potion?" Draco raised an eyebrow laughing before he rushed to get up and surround Leevanna's shoulders with an arm making her laugh.

Blaise looked at them from his seat and wondered why she hadn't taken the blond's arm away as she did with his.

༄

"WEASLEY!"

"Yes..." Replied the scared boy.

Everyone was silent, petrified, except for two teenagers from the Slytherin house, who were trying to contain their laughter due to a drawing they had made of Filch running the same way he had done in the dining room. And also because Moody had thrown chalk at Finnigan.

"Give us a curse," said the professor. Or Mad-Eye, how the people also know him.

Leevanna playfully pushed Malfoy with the elbow and looked straight ahead to pay attention. They were strangely sharing time together. They were quite fine with it, which was very odd.

"The _Imperious_ curse," answered Ron Weasley, drawing Leevanna's attention, she knew the three too well. Her parents, like Malfoy's father, had said that they had been under the influence of that curse when the first magic war happened.

A cruel chill ran through her spine.

" _Engorgio_. _Imperio!_ " Moody said pointing with his wand at some kind of spider that Leevanna couldn't remember the name. A few seconds later, the insect was going from place to place making many laugh. "What are you laughing about?" He said in Draco and Leevanna's direction before putting the insect on Draco's face causing Leevanna to shout but couldn't help laughing.

"Take it off!" Malfoy exclaimed horrified, holding his desk with both hands while Leevanna kept laughing at him and moving her hands to prevent the spider from touching her.

"Talented isn't she?" Moody continued to move the insect with his wand and take it out of Draco's face, which made him relax and the white-hairy girl tightened her lips so as not to let go of laughter full of mockery. "What shall I have her do next? Jump out the window? Drown herself?" Then Leevanna lost her smile when she saw how the insect struggled not to fall into the water.

A painful memory came to her like lightning and left her frozen for a second. Draco, watching the green-eyed girl next to him get lost in her memories, couldn't help but take one of her strands and place it behind her ear gently, which attracted the girl's attention.

But she did not get scared when he touched her. Why?

And why the hell he had done that? Was everything fine in his brain?

She put a half-smile on her lips and they both stared for a few seconds that seemed endless.

The texture of her hair drove him mental. Now he did not want to stop playing with it.

_Bloody fantastic_ , the voice in his head said sarcastically.

"Another... Another... Come on, come on. Longbottom is it? Up," both teenagers looked at the boy, who answered Moody's question with some nervousness.

"There's the um... The _Cruciatus_ curse."

Leevanna lost her smile in less than a millisecond.

Pain. Grey as mist. As grief and mourning. Completely opposite from spring but yet to similar a familiar that it is scary.

It hurts.

The box of the tea set leaves the abysm somehow and opens in front of her in a single second.

She sees 8 everywhere. Grey eights.

"Correct! Correct! Come, come," said the professor while he was heading with Neville to the table and placed the spider in its container. "Particularly nasty. The torture curse... _Crucio!_ "

And while the poor spider emitted moans of pain and rolled over on top of the glass, thousands of memories invaded Leevanna's mind, causing her body to get tense and grabbed from the first thing she could reach so as not to shout to him to stop it, and the first thing she found was Draco's wrist.

He looked at her confused and saw how she closed her eyes hard while whispering for the professor to stop what he was doing — the shouts of help leaked through her ears.

Clearly, all that shouting was her memories, memories that she wanted to forget badly but she couldn't. Though she had the majority of that day blocked, what Moody was doing had been the detonate which made her brain to project her horrible and punishing memories again and again.

She quickly let go of the blond's wrist and proceeded to place her hands in her ears to prevent the sound from still reaching her mind. And she feels exactly what she felt in The Room of Requirement months ago when she faced her fear, just that — million times worse. The insect's painful moans were making everything much worse.

And she wants to avoid thinking, to avoid seeing. She wants to forget.

But it was impossible.

The tea set now is open again. Cups shaking. Sweets becoming bitter while rotting.

She wants to scream.

It is like a bomb. One that just exploded in the nastiest of the ways.

Draco frowned more seeing her hands trembling.

"Stop it! Can't you see it's bothering him? Stop it!" Hermione exclaimed making Moody finally lower his wand.

Leevanna knew what was coming next and she didn't want to be there to hear it. Mad-Eye walked with the spider in his hand to the Gryffindor girl's place and placed the insect on top of one of her books.

Leevanna begged in a whisper.

"Perhaps you could give us the last unforgivable curse Miss Granger," the man said, but the girl shook her head refusing to talk. "No? Avada Kedavra!" And, with those words, he killed the insect.

Leevanna didn't stand it anymore and left the place quickly without caring about anything. Nobody saw her leave the classroom except for the blond, who didn't say anything to anyone.

When the class ended, Draco went out looking for the black-and-white-haired girl and on the way, he asked Lhu if she had seen her anywhere — saying as an excuse they had a project for Astronomy — but she had said no.

He did not understand why he was caring and worrying so much about the girl.

He despised that feeling.

But seeing her in class trying to cover her ears as she implored in whispers for the professor to stop had him intrigued.

And worried.

God, he despised feeling worried about her.

Why. The. Fuck. He. Had. To. Fucking. Worry.

That little fucking cunt.

He wanted to kill her. Choke her. Stab her. Run her over with a truck full of anvils. Leave her without any fucking air until the light of life left her pretty eyes. He wanted her to suffer the most torturous way of dying, so Avada her was out of the list. Maybe open her up and start pulling her insides out one by one and watch her bleed to death.

The boy walked at a brisk but sneaky pace and examined every passage through which he passed to see if the girl was there. He wondered if maybe she was in the girls' bathroom, the one no one went to because of Moaning Myrtle.

He released all the air in his lungs when he saw her sitting in the window and Myrtle in front of her while they were talking.

"It was all my fault," Leevanna said with a broken voice before looking at the glass on her side. "I am a fucking _monster_ , Myrtle."

"Don't say that... You didn't want it to happen, it was not your fault," replied the ghost sitting down.

"I didn't know she was a Muggle-born, I just wanted a friend," the girl continued, unable to prevent her tears from falling. "My father appeared, hit me and said it was a _shame_ , that that was going to be my _punishment_ ," Myrtle 'caressed' her hair. "I heard her screaming, begging him, her supplications full of pain, and I did nothing! She was a girl... Just a little girl... And I did fucking nothing! I just stood there! Crying! Like the fucking idiot I am!" The girl cried angrily before hiding her head between her knees. "You don't know how many times more I saw children be tortured, all of whom I had ever spoken to... Killed because of _me_."

Myrtle caressed her hair before turning over and making a sign to Draco to come closer.

He doubted it for a moment, but he slowly approached until he reached the girl's place. He contemplated her for a moment and examined every one of her features.

What the fuck he was doing? Why did he care so much? Why the fuck was he worrying?

_Fucking cunt._

And he couldn't help and think that her vulnerability was extremely breathtaking.

The way she looked so weak was just — so _perfect_.

It was undoubtedly beautiful the way her tears ran across her face and decorated her eyes leaving her eyelashes wet, like little diamonds decorating her pale skin. Her rosy cheeks and the way her face contracted in pain. Her breathy and little gasps leaving her blood-rushed lips creating a melodious symphony.

The coldness in her crystallise look, made her eyes look like a holy stained glass, like those ones in the churches just that even more gorgeous.

She looked like a fucking holy grail.

She was crying and she looked so... _pretty_.

Seeing her cry was the most beautiful thing in the entire world. And Draco couldn't agree more on that.

Though the way she did it, burned every single part of your body, leaving you without any hope of air, fighting to breathe as you gasp and implore her to stop as you cry because she is doing it. As a venom which invades your body and leaves you agonising slowly, punishingly. A beautiful torture that you want to stop.

But Draco did not want her to stop...

She looked so weak and peaceful... Broken but gorgeous... Hurtful but glorious.

Just like ice.

He wanted to made her cry every day of his life is she was gonna look like the way she was doing it.

Her tears were something similar to diamonds, making her skin shine somehow.

_Diamond tears._

He was in trance.

Internally fighting to breathe again.

Just staring at her breathtaking but yet so heartbreaking prettiness.

"I think a person of flesh and blood is better for this," Myrtle whispered to her before stepping aside so that Draco could take her place. He had only stared her for five seconds which seemed endless.

He came out of his thoughts and looked at the ghost as he opened his mouth to say something, but Myrtle just crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

He sighed lowly.

He didn't know exactly how to reassure her, but maybe he could try.

It shouldn't be so difficult, right?

Nobody had taught him how to do it, but...

She — She was crying... He could — He could at least... _try_.

Although he did not want her to stop crying.

The blond settled down leaving his legs stretched, then he passed an arm down the black-and-white-haired girl's shoulder slowly. She jumped scared by the action, making him stop at that precise instant.

He gave her a few seconds.

She looked at him — the tears running down her rosy cheeks as her eyes penetrating him with their crystallised ice —, then her gaze shifted to his arm, and she let herself be guided until her cheek hit the boy's chest.

His heart skipped a beat.

He... What in the name of holy Salazar was he doing?

And why did she keep jumping scared when someone touched her?

His body relaxed little by little and his heart started beating normally again as he felt her tiny hands clung to his robes.

He was _trying._

After a few seconds, Draco began to gently caress her hair while humming a tune through closed lips.


	6. Stars

"Bollocks."

"I saw you!" exclaimed Theodore Nott in Pansy's direction while laughing.

"I didn't do it!"

"Oh yes, you did," laughed Lhu placing all the chess figures to their initial positions.

"Who cheats in bloody chess?" asked Theo also accommodating the figures on his board.

"Pansy," laughed Leevanna.

The four Slytherin students were in their common room playing Wizards' Chess. They usually did it very often being honest. That day Daphne wasn't with them because she had to help her sister with something.

"You need to pay," reminded Lhu to the girl with a raised eyebrow playfully and extending her hand.

"You are not going to read another page of my diary!" Pansy refused.

"They read mine!" said Theo in a sharp voice. "If you lose, you pay."

Pansy huffed doing a small whim.

"Thank you," said Leevanna giggling when the black-haired girl gave her the grey notebook to start searching a page to read. Before she could even start, all of them turned their heads when they heard a familiar voice.

"What are you doing?" asked Draco before biting his green apple.

"You are fucking blind, aren't you?" asked Theo making Pansy and Lhu choke with their pumpkin juice while laughing.

"He is," laughed Leevanna.

"Fuck off you two, yeah?" Draco rolled his eyes standing next to Leevanna.

A couple of days had passed since Draco had found the girl in the bathroom and had returned her to her room without anyone seeing them. The next day no one spoke of the matter but Leevanna asked his opinion for a prank that she was going to make.

She despised him for seeing her in a weak moment. She shouldn't be letting her few selected circle of people to grow.

He despised her for making him care and worry. He had no right. He shouldn't think and care about her.

But they could not help and smile at each other.

It was the weird fucking _teenage hormones._

Or they wanted to think that. They wished it was just that.

Two days after the bathroom thing, she had spoken with the Weasley twins to tell them that an ageing potion could help them; they knew the girl and they liked her being honest, they enjoyed her jokes as much as she enjoyed theirs. And also one of them had a little 'crush' on Lhu. In all that time they had formed a kind of friendship that consisted of making jokes to others, they had even shared the table with the girls sometimes.

For her part, Leevanna hadn't left her old habits and had gotten new prey — how Lhu had started calling the boys —: Cedric Diggory. All to forget the weird things a certain blond was making her feel. It had been at the Friday party in the Room of Requirement. Some drinks, funny chat and a little kiss.

But, when no one expected it, she and Draco walked around the corridors as if they were the best friends, sometimes he helped her with her jokes, sometimes they were just laughing.

"You have to drink the Veritaserum," reminded Lhu giving the small bottle to Pansy.

"Why Veritaserum?" asked Draco sitting next to Leevanna.

"She's going to read a page of her third-year diary and Pansy needs to confirm," replied Theo drinking his Butterbeer. "They did the same with me."

"Bloody hell, Pans," laughed Leevanna reading the page. "November seems a very interesting month here."

"Oh, no, _no_ ," Pansy hurried after she drank the vial. "Give it back, Vaughan, it's none of your business," she protested trying to get back her diary, but Theo held her.

"It can't be that bad," the boy said. "At least not after mine."

Lhu shuddered. "Poor toothpaste."

"You wrote about that?" Draco said laughing and covering his mouth with his arm holding his apple in his hand after he chocked with the piece of the fruit inside his mouth.

"I was like twelve, get over it!" Theo huffed making a pout.

Leevanna made a diabolical smile appear across her face.

"Here it goes," the girl said. " _«Oh dear diary, I met a boy a few years ago. He made my doll heart light up with joy»_ ," she started to say as she mimicked with her hand and everyone started giggling making a flirtatious whistle.

"Oh, Salazar's sake, Vaughan, _shut up_!" Pansy exclaimed.

"Holy hell, Malfoy you have the whole page," Leevanna continued as she read the page smiling, his eyes widened in surprise.

"The embarrassment," Lhu laughed seeing Pansy.

"Bloody hell, not even Vaughan," the boy said looking into the black-and-white-haired girl eyes trying to take the journal from her while letting out a laugh, but Leevanna was more agile and continued reading while sticking out her tongue.

" _«Oh Draco, from the first day I saw you my heart beat for you. So pull me closer and kiss me hard»_ ," said the girl imitating the tone of a Juliet in love.

"Stop it, I— I think is enough," Pansy's eyes filled with worry.

"Let her finish," chuckled Theo.

" _«Hit me with your sweet love, steal me with a kiss and...»_ " she lost her smile and lifted her gaze to look, Pansy, who denied with her head begging her with her eyes. Leevanna hurried, opened her eyes and began laughing. "...And forget about Leevanna! She is nothing compared to me!"

"I was thirteen years old!" huffed Pansy crawling to reach the girl. "I don't like Draco anymore."

"Sure about that?" mocked Theo seeing her red cheeks.

"Very sure," Pansy sighed looking at Leevanna, who was also looking at her. "I drank the Veritaserum, you dumb."

> _«... And make me not wanna die every day, I'm just tired of all this bullshit called life. Maybe you could make me smile more often, just a silly suggestion. Dad and Mum always say that maybe one day, if I put enough effort, but I think this is silly. So, let's not ruin our strange friendship. I think being friends is enough...»_

"Let's go to The Great Hall, my sunshines, the Goblet thing is about to start," suggested Theo ruffling Pansy's hair after a couple of minutes of dedicating themselves to recall some memories they had from previous years.

Everyone stood up from the ground and started to walk out of the dungeons.

"I wish it had been your diary," Draco told Leevanna in the ear making her shudder before pulling one of her strands.

He just couldn't stop touching her hair.

He despised it.

"Oh, fuck off," she chuckled. "You cause me neither emotion, Malfoy."

Why she did not jump anymore when he touched her?

"Are you saying you prefer bloody Diggory? Ugh, you broke my heart into a thousand pieces!" the blond dramatised placing a hand on his forehead before Leevanna jumped onto his back to ruffle his hair.

Draco hadn't complained about having to carry Leevanna all that time and even began to spin around making her laugh.

It was the hormones, yes... Just that. _Hormones_. Crazy ones. Which made them do very stupid things.

"Oh, Salazar's sake, you are Slytherins, not bloody Hufflepuffs," complained Theo making Lhu and Pansy laugh. He covered his face with his hand. "So fucking embarrassing."

A few seconds later the Slytherin group arrived The Great Hall, Cedric's friends started pushing him to put their name on the goblet. The Hufflepuff boy winked at Leevanna once he placed his name, she just rolled her eyes in amusement and settled next to Malfoy, who placed an arm around her shoulders unconsciously.

It was at that moment that the Weasley twins entered the room as everyone cheering them with laughter and applause.

"Did you make it?" Leevanna asked them with an excited smile and they nodded.

"Cooked it up just this morning," Fred said before they both drew hearts with their fingers in Leevanna's direction, which made her laugh and stick out her middle finger. Malfoy just smiled watching her cross her arms and rest her head on his shoulder.

"What am I? A pillow?" Draco said raising and eyebrow as the twins headed towards Hermione Granger.

"Yes, you are," sighed Leevanna before opening her eyes. "Now, shut the fuck up that I want to sleep."

"No wonder why," he mocked. "I just remember seeing you sleep once, I swear."

"I'm a very busy person to sleep."

"With what if I may ask?" His eyebrow raised.

"Want to know my schedule?" He nodded and she started counting with her fingers. "Eight o'clock, drown in my tears. Ten thirty, stare my prettiness in my mirror. One PM lunch with my sadness, I've been cancelling it and I can't do it again. Three o'clock, finish reading my new book. Five thirty, anxiety crisis. Six fifteen, create imaginary situations in my head. Seven forty-five, try to commit suicide. And... Piss off Malfoy ocupes all day — Oh! And stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness from ten o'clock until the morning."

And his smile widens as he tries not to laugh. "Vaughan," and he chuckles, "everything fine?"

And she tries not to laugh too. "Of course is everything fine, I just want to kill myself, I don't see a problem."

He nods pressing his lips and looking somewhere else before staring at her again. "Never so same."

"I know right?" She chuckles. "Now we are suicidal partners," and both hit their fists playfully.

"Not even two months of classes and we have to deal with their suicidal shite already," huffed Theodore before taking a piece of pineapple to his mouth.

"You love us, Nott!" said Draco and Leevanna making hearts with their hands.

"Nah, I love my mother more."

His group of friends turned their heads looking at him confused for his comment.

"Dammit, guys, it was a joke," he rolled his eyes playfully. "Stop looking at me like that! I— I'm not the one having lunch with my sadness!"

"Touché," giggled the green-eyed girl before crossing her arms again and rest her head on Draco's shoulder as she watched the Weasley twins shook their potions.

"Ready Fred?"

"Ready George."

"Bottoms up!" the two said before drinking all the liquid from the jars they were holding, then they jumped into the circle and everyone started clapping.

Once they put their names inside, a blue flame came out of the goblet in their direction, leaving them out of the elderly with beards and white hair. Both began to laugh while touching their beards, seconds later Dumbledore himself appeared and laughed before telling them to go to the hospital because there were several with the same problem, he also told them that their beards had been better.

In the Thursday afternoon, Dumbledore announced the champions.

"The Durmstrang champion is... Viktor Krum!" He announced once he had the paper in his hand, then another light blue paper came out. "The champion from Beauxbatons... Fleur Delacour," the Beauxbatons girls started to cheer as Fleur walked up. "The Hogwarts champion... Cedric Diggory," all the pupils began to congratulate him as he stood up to go with the other two champions.

While Dumbledore kept talking, Leevanna did a pout, frustrated with herself.

"You have butter hands," laughed Pansy seeing her complicate herself with the wand movement Malfoy was teaching them.

"Don't make fun of me!" The green-eyed huffed before throwing the wand again. "I fucking quit."

"Merlin's sake, even Nott could do it," Malfoy rolled his eyes taking his wand from her hands to show her the movement again.

"That's an insult or a compliment?" Frowned the aforementioned.

"Vaughan — I swear to God," said Draco running his fingers through his hair before sliding his hand through his face in exasperation. "You just have to roll the fucking wand through— _No_! Between your— I fucking give up."

"My hands are less than the half of yours!" She bit out.

"She's useless sometimes," said Lhu playfully, covering her friend's ears for her to not listen. "Have her a bit of patience."

"Give me your fucking hand," Draco growled taking Leevanna's hand and placing the wand between her fingers and guiding the movement. "Now, you move your wrist at the same time as your fingers."

His soft and icy skin merged with the coldness hers had. The yolk of his fingers pressing softly the sides of her wrist while his index finger reposed over the back of her hand.

He clarified his throat lightly and lowly, leaving her skin without his touch so slowly that it could be confused with a caress.

"Like this?" She frowned doing what he indicated.

"Fucking finally," he huffed when she could move the wand between her fingers. "And she is the smartest one here?"

"I had to do your Herbology's homework last week because you don't know how to differentiate plants, so shut up, twat," her eyes concentrating in her hand's movement before creating another finalising with Malfoy receiving a hit on his head with his own wand. He took off his middle finger.

Then, out of nowhere, a red flame came out of the goblet expelling another paper.

"Harry Potter?" They all started looking at each other's faces looking for the teenager. " _Harry Potter_!" Dumbledore exclaimed for the last time. While the boy was walking, they all began to boo him.

༄

"Rubbish."

She took her middle finger to her mouth to lick it and remove the chocolate as Lhu rolled her eyes and give her popsicle the last bite.

"Girl — I literally know you like the palm of my fucking hand," the brunette raised an eyebrow after swallowing. "You're not fooling me."

"I'm not falling head over heels for him or anyone else, ew," Leevanna frowned and ran her fingers through her hair. "We literally despise each other, just— _ew_."

"The way that you look at each other," the curly-haired one replied, "plus you've been really close to each other lately."

"Because we have the same friend group, duh," replied the black-and-white-haired rolling her eyes. "You and I hang out together all the time with Fleur and you don't go around saying I have something with you or her."

"Uh, and I thought we were lovers," said Lhu faking being hurt.

"Silly," Leevanna giggled before looking up and meeting Draco's eyes, who raised his eyebrows playfully at the sight of her. She rolled her eyes teasingly before she lowered her gaze and bit her lower lip.

"See?! That's what I mean!" Lhu exclaimed when she saw that both were staring at each time and her friend bit her lip smiling. "Now you're all red."

"Lhu! Shut up!" Leevanna replied with a laugh before taking one last look at Malfoy, who rolled his eyes at her teasingly, leaving a smile on his face when she raised her eyebrows.

God, she despised his smile.

_Loathsome bastard._

But she smiled back.

"Ugh, fine, but if you two get married you have to put me as a godmother," then the green-eyed one laughed louder, shaking her head in amusement.

A few seconds later, both paid attention when they heard the voice of a blond:

"Why so tense, Potter?" Malfoy said sitting on the top of a tree as Harry tried to ignore him. "My father and I have a bet you see. I don't think you're gonna last ten minutes in this tournament."

Leevanna followed him with her eyes, it was then that Lhu took her hand to get a little closer and Draco jumped to get down.

"He disagrees. He thinks you won't last _FIVE_ ," he finished making his friends laugh.

"I don't give a damn what you or your father thinks Malfoy!" Potter replied angrily as he started to walk towards the blond and then shoved him away. "He's vile and cruel, and you're just pathetic," he finished turning to leave.

"Pathetic?" Malfoy muttered angrily before pulling out his wand but was quickly interrupted by Mad-Eye, who pointed his wand at him and turned him into a white ferret.

"I'll teach you to cast when someone's back is turned!" said the man approaching the little animal. " _Stinking_... _Cowardly_... _Scummy_..." he cursed as he made Malfoy fly in the air.

"Professor Moddy!" McGonagall exclaimed arriving quickly on the scene. Several students had already approached and were now laughing. "What are you doing?!"

"Teaching," Moddy replied casually.

"Is that— Is that a student?!"

"Technically, it's a ferret," the ex-Auror said before opening Goyle's pants and tucking the little animal into his pants. Leevanna couldn't stop laughing.

After a few seconds, in which Crabbe had tried to get the animal out of his friend's pants, being bitten in the attempt, McGonagall pointed her wand at the animal that was already in the leaves and turned it into Malfoy again.

The blond got up from the ground traumatized, as well as dishevelled, and turned around quickly, scared to see Moody. "My father will hear about this!"

"Is that a threat? Is that a threat?!" Leevanna held her stomach when she saw Mad-Eye chasing after Draco and he ran for his life to not be transformed again. "I could tell you stories about your father that would curl even your greasy hair boy!" the man exclaimed as Draco sped out of the place at lightning speed with his friends behind. "It doesn't end here!

Leevanna took Lhu by the hand pulling her while she laughed to go after the boy and tease for a while, but in the middle of the hall, she stopped and stayed completely paralyzed.

Fear.

They were there.

"Oh, Merlin!" Lhu said laughing without realizing what was happening. "Did you see Draco's face? I'll never forget— Hey, are you okay?" she asked seeing that she no longer had a smile on her face, then she turned her head to see what she was looking at. "Oh... Hello, Messrs Vaughan."

Lhu understood why her best friend looked so afraid.

"Lhu, dear," Leevanna's mother, Neferet, greeted her back.

"I'll catch you later," the green-eyed one murmured to her friend, Lhu nodded before waving goodbye and running to catch up with Malfoy.

Leevanna looked up and held it back as long as she could as she followed her parents into the facility.

She was _afraid._

An hour later, when Leevanna left the room were her and her parents had been a few seconds ago, she cleaned the small tears on her face quickly when he saw Severus Snape approaching them.

She lowered her gaze, standing behind her parents, trying to hid.

"Severus," greeted Nicholas Vaughan, curving up one side of his mouth as a smile — a sarcastic one.

The black-haired man looked at him and then his gaze drifted to the girl behind them — to her red face and dry tears. She looked away quickly trying to avoid his eyes and putting enough pressure on herself to resist his attempt to use Legilimency. Fortunately, she succeeded.

"Miss Vaughan, may I have a—"

"She is not talking with you," interrupted Nicholas as a malicious grin decorated his face once more before looking at his daughter. "She is going to study, right Leevanna?"

The girl gulped.

"Y-Yes," she nodded jerkily. "I-I can't talk, I'm going to— To— Study," the fear growing in every word as the air became scarce. "I-I have to— To go, now. If you excuse me," she said quickly and stuttering, without looking up trying to avoid eye-contact and hurrying to leave the place.

"What did you do to her?" she heard Severus voice further as the tears flooded her cheeks while walking. " _What_... Did you do, Nicholas?"

" _Me_?" she heard her father's teasing and sarcastic voice, almost outraged. The girl's mother reminded silent, as always she did when her husband talked. "I didn't do anything to her. That she is just a ridiculous crybaby all the time, showing weakness, is different."

Leevanna closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to hear any other thing from his mouth.

_You are weak, Leevanna. Weak._

She kept walking.

_Your father is right. You deserved it. You deserve everything that's happened to you._

Her jaw clenched, savouring a sour taste in her mouth with every tear that pooled her eyes.

_You are a disappointment._

When she arrived the Slytherin common room, she was received with the laughs of people still making fun of Malfoy. She hurried, avoiding making any type of eye contact and heading directly to her room.

"My Ice Queen!" laughed Theo from the couch. "Finally you're here. Want to give a commentary about our ferret?"

She closed her eyes tightly. Ignoring him and everyone.

"Leev?" called her Lhu, frowning softly. "Leev, are you—"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" she shouted scaring the fuck off everyone present. "LEAVE ME THE FUCK _ALONE_!"

Her cold eyes threw millions of imaginary ice floes when she turned her head to face the group of Slytherins. Everyone froze, frightened. Nobody saw the tears. It was as if they really had been hurt by the ice.

"Leev..." mumbled Lhu trying to approach.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME, YOU HEAR ME?!" Leevanna yelled again, walking backwards and making Lhu give a small jump for the fright before she nodded.

And she left the place without saying a single more word, leaving everyone froze in time trying to process what had happened.

"L-Lhu," Theodore babbled. "Are you... Are you okay?"

"Yeah... Yeah," the girl nodded turning her head to look at them. "Just... Try to keep your distance from her from now on until I told you otherwise."

On the other hand, when Leevanna arrived her room, she fall on her knees crying.

_Weak. Weak. Weak!_

The air becoming even more scarce.

_You look fucking pathetic._

She was drowning.

_Pathetic._

"S-Shut up," she whispered running her trembling fingers through her hair, pulling it a bit as she tightened her grip.

_You deserve it._

"Shut up," it was barely audible. She could not breathe. The grip on her hair became stronger.

_You didn't do anything. As always._

"Shut up," her voice drowned and she gasped, closing her eyes tightly as the tears rolled down her face.

_That's why she is dead._

"Shut up!" she screamed letting a cry out of her lips as her shaky hands pressed the sides of her head strongly.

_It is your fault._

" _SHUT UUUP_!" she yelled throwing the first thing her hand caught to the wall.

༄

Anger.

What is anger?

How does someone describe anger?

That feeling when you want to destroy everything in your path, take it out on anything that crosses your sight. If it's a person that made you angry then you want to hurt them or never see them again or blame your self and start hurting yourself. It is a big adrenaline rush, a negative kind that climbs your insides, poisons your soul and burns every flower on a garden where the happiness rains and the hope shines.

When you feel your face heating up and all your muscles in your face moving in the middle of your face and grind your teeth or start screaming.

A way to do it could be: water-skin filled with water bursting to get out.

That's a very good way to describe anger in one single sentence.

Anger makes us do actions and say things we wouldn't if we think with our head cold. That is anger: fire.

Fire puts things out of control. Makes you see enemies when they are shadows. Revolves your mind and plays with it, wrapping your thoughts and controlling them like puppets.

Fire destroys everything.

Suffocates you until you die because of asphyxiation and the sound of screams of implores faded away with black smoke in your lungs.

Fire doesn't let you think. It embraces you in the shadows of despair and breaths that don't exist, implores that take your life away, wounds that don't heal even with time.

In a world where the landscapes are skies and rivers of anger, Hate is the king that isn't going to stop being a tyrant and the oblivion is the only way to escape in a hope of forgiveness. The fire is the air, has no mercy and its price is so high that you prefer let it wrap you in death.

Fire could be beautiful, its flames dancing and illuminating your oath when monsters lurk. But careful, because fire can burn the wood you use as a torch. It laughs at you until it reaches your skin and your eyes are wide open.

Nobody is safe from it.

Fire is no ally.

But then yet dragons are.

Sure when it doesn't come to a couch.

"It is mine," she says, jaw clenching. "Move the fuck now."

"And who are you, by the way?" he scowls at her. "You own the common room?"

Her face grows rosy due to the anger inside her tiny body as her eyes narrow at him every second. The air is tense and she can swear she feels the skin of her knuckles breaking. Maybe is her imagination.

It is her armchair. _Hers_.

She is possessive with things that are her property. She was the one who brought that armchair from Borgin and Burkes. It is hers. He is doing it to bother her, she is certain.

Though she doesn't really know why is she fighting for an armchair. It is an armchair. There is plenty of those in the enormous and fancy Slytherin common room where she can sit and read. But she wants that one.

And curiously he wants it too.

It had been a coincidence. Both were distracted and had collided by chance when they tried to sit.

It was a simple armchair.

And the air was tense.

He also doesn't know why he is fighting with her in the first place.

"I brought that armchair," her tone is low, dangerous.

"And _I_ brought those," he points at the two armchairs a bit far away from them, "and _you_ sat there one week ago."

"It is mine," she bites out. A snake ready to nail her fangs and inject her poison.

"It is a fucking armchair, there're lots of them in here," he says tightening his grip on the book he has in his hand.

"Then you can sit on them," she says raising her chin to glare at him more. She has to look up due to her height. "I want this."

"Bad luck," he grins bitterly. "I want it too."

"Malfoy," her tone becomes cold, frightening, but not for him. "It is mi—"

"Yours, yeah, yeah," he rolls his eyes. "Stop being a baby and move that I want to sit."

"Excuse you?" she breaths a laugh that is very much bitter before returning to her cold voice. "It is _mine_ , what is mine is mine and if _I_ want no—fucking—body sits here except _me_."

"Vaughan," hot air leaves his nostrils. "Move."

" _No_."

"Salazar's sake, how childish can you be?"

"I don't care," she bites out again. "It is mine. _Mine_. I want to sit, you move."

"I was here first," he narrows his eyes at her, starting to get out of control. "So _fuck off_ and fucking mo—"

" _My_ armchair!" her voice raises. " _Mine_! So you fuck off and move."

"I don't see your fucking name on it," he bites out. Another snake ready to fight and nail his fangs to inject venom.

"Fucking move!"

" _NO!_ "

And a lamp explodes. It draws all the attention of the people in the place to them. It was common to hear and see them fight, but the sound of things being broken was not a good sign.

"It is _mine_! I want to sit here!" she was mad, her voice was a warning of a war that nobody wanted to be enemies of. "So move your arse somewhere else!"

"Bad news!" his voice is loud too. Another warning, more war. Snakes are bitting and fighting. Venom is being released. "I want to sit here! So you fuck off! Move, you whore!"

Another lamp breaks.

"How fucking _dare_ you!" she pushes him, rudely, with anger. "This is _my_ armchair! So if you want to sit, seek another! You fucking tosser!"

Two goblets made of glass explode.

"Don't fucking touch me!" he shoves her off too, with more force that he meant, but doesn't realise. "You filthy slag! _You_ seek another fucking armchair!"

More glasses make explosion.

" _You_ don't fucking touch me!" she pushes him away again, with more strength. The two snakes letting venom escape like rivers, trying to bite and wound. "I don't want your filthy wanker's fucking fingerprints in my clothes!"

Vitrines explode and break, there's glass everywhere and the people is trying to protect themselves. One student has run without them realising and is searching for professor Severus Snape. No one is trying to interfiere because they now they could and would got hurt if they do. Snape is the only one who can calm them.

"And I don't want the traces of a fucking cunt in my clothes!" he pushes her too again. His muscles are tense and the rosy colour has climb his neck and is reaching his face. "Fucking move! _NOW_!"

Everything trembles, books falling from shelves and porcelain sets of tea jump over the tables, lights turning on and off, glasses shaking warning they would break. The air is tense. Hot. Fire is taunting.

"I told you _NOT_ to touch me!" she yells pushing him once more. Air has grown thick and is hard to breathe, for everyone.

Maybe they are not snakes anymore. Maybe they are two dangerous dragons fighting for dominance. Letting hot air leaves their nostrils and fire escape their mouths.

"If you fucking put a fucking finger on me again I fucking swear you do not count the fucking next one!" her throat burns for the yell she just let out.

"What?! What the fuck are you going to do if I put another fucking finger on you?!" he is yelling too, more deep and louder than her. "What the fuck are you going to do, Vaughan?!

"Don't fucking provoke me, Malfoy!" her finger points at him. "Do _NOT_ fucking get me out of my fucking senses!"

"OR WHAT?!" it had been an armchair, just a piece of fabric. "Tell me what the fuck are you going to do! You fucking coward cunt!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" just a place to sit. "I told you NOT to provoke me!"

"Why?! Because you are ALL TALK?!" he yells. "You are a fucking coward, don't you?! You are not going to do fucking ANYTHING! You never do _ANYTHING_!"

"FUCKING SHUT YOUR FUCKING FILTHY MOUTH!" and she didn't mean to use a hex that started leaving him without air.

"Mis Vaughan," the voice of Severus Snape snaps her out at the second one of the hex.

She has turned her face to him, all stops shaking suddenly and the air is breathable again.

The blond has turned his face to the professor too, breathing heavily due to the recent event.

"Mister Malfoy," says Severus calmly shifting his eyes to now look at him. "Could you care to explain what is happening?"

Both teenagers look at each other with elaborated breathings and chest lifting and descending heavily.

It was just an armchair.

"Well?" Severus raises an eyebrow. Both keep being in silence, narrowing their eyes and willing to start a fight again. "Nobody is going to talk?"

Leevanna turns her head again, and it must be her now crystallised gates of soul because Severus sighs.

"Mis Vaughan, please follow me," says the Potions' Master. "And Mister Malfoy, your mother is waiting for you in my classroom."

The green-eyed is the first one who starts walking with her book glued to her chest and embraced by her arms tightly. The blond follows the path once both are already far away passing a hand through his hair before huffing.

He turns his head once in the hallway. Through his ears leaks the distant voices of Leevanna and Snape. The first one keeps talking angrily and accompanying her words with hand-movements, the second has his arms crossed over his chest and speaks calmly.

He can't hear very well because they are very far away but it seems that she is explaining what had happened. His eyes catch how her body is shaking and her mouth lets escape ragged huffs.

Her trembling hand passes through her hair and before she could fix her gaze on him when she turned her head, he was already walking away to meet his mother.

It had been just an armchair.

༄

"Now, because you're _useless_ ," began the professor, hands behind his back, fake eye moving, "we're going to have a little duelling class."

Draco twirled his tongue against his inner cheek. His arms crossed over his chest and body leaned on the column at his side. Theodore and Blaise are near him, chatting with Lhu. His eyes go back for a second, glimpsing Vaughan, who is silent and with her gaze lost on the floor. Her hands are covered with black leather gloves.

He looks away. Doesn't know what else to do to stop looking at her.

A couple of days had passed since their fight over the couch.

"And... Vaughan and Malfoy, whatever," says the professor catching both's attention in a second. "You two first," the blond clears his throat and walks towards the middle of the classroom. She is following.

"Fuck," whispers Daphne. "Is this a good idea?" she asks lowly towards Lhu. Her eyes seeing both of her friends position themselves.

"Why?" frowns Theodore.

"They fought over a couch a couple days ago," mutters Lhu seeing both bow to initiate the duel. "This is not a good idea."

"Wands at the ready."

Leevanna's eyes don't leave Draco's for a single second. Eye-contact is tense, just like the air around them. Her grip on her wand is tight. The leather making friction with the wood.

"One... T–"

" _Levicorpus_!" he says and the ray almost hits her.

" _Stupefy_!" her voice is loud, her ray does hit him, but he is in his foot in a second.

" _Depulso_!"

" _Expulso_!"

" _Everte Statum_!"

" _Flipendo_!"

" _Rictusempra_!"

She conjures luminous green Gytrashes from her wand with the Gytrash-conjuring spell. It sends him several feet away as he protects himself. Her breathing is elaborate. Just like his. Both have a tiny sheet of sweat on their foreheads.

" _Expelliarmus_!" but his ray doesn't touch her.

" _Immobulus_!" he dodges it with a shield-spell that sends her a few steps back.

Between growls, pants and gasps, they continu to trow spells, jinxes and hexes left and right with the hope of hurting the other.

Everyone was staring at them. In shock. Protected by the shield Alastor Moody had put to prevent injuries.

" _Impedimenta_!"

" _Incarcerous_!"

" _Protego_!"

" _Locomotor Wibbly_!"

" _Stupefy_!"

" _Locomotor Mortis_!"

" _Petrificus Totalus_!"

" _Reducto_!"

" _Protego_!"

" _Ventus_!"

" _Protego_! _Levicorpus_!"

" _Stupefy_!"

All the presents keep quiet. Ice Queen and Slytherin Prince keep fighting.

And her pink-full and sweet lips mouth the letter _C_. Like a ghost it crosses her mouth. A few close wince, covering their mouths with their hands.

He doesn't step back. Not a wince, not the slightest grimace of fear about the word — And... The first three letters of the word also ghost his own lips.

It burns, her throat. A gasp with the hope of air and breath leaves her mouth. As if she was drowning in a dark-blue mass. She couldn't even say the first two letters. Isn't able to _breathe_.

He has gasped loudly two. Now he is panting. Also drowning in a dark aquamarine sea that sinks him deeper. Pulls his feet and grips his skin.

None of them could complete it — they have gasped too loud before they could continue.

"Not in my classroom," says the professor ending with their duelling.

But both teenagers do not listened to him — they had stopped, yes, fortunately, but the sound just did not leak through their ears.

The hate smells in the air. It is dense and tense. It has been released. Broke free from them as if chains have been holding them for two long.

But then — them their eyes fill with tiny tears only noticeable for themselves.

Her heavy steps leave the classroom as the professor continues talking and the next couple steps at the front to duel.

His steps are the next ones to leave. He hears muffled sobs far away and his hands wipe the salty water on his cheeks before heading towards the dungeons.

༄

Draco got up from his bed at midnight and scratched one of his eyes while removing the sheets from him.

Sleeping didn't look good in recent weeks, he usually stayed up all night and thought about things... _Memories_ , more than anything.

In the last two weeks, he hadn't talked to Leevanna, in fact, they avoided each other as much as possible and even made hurtful comments to each other — like the ones before summer vacations, as if they had gone back to those years where they couldn't stand the other and were mean.

They had even fought for a couch for Salazar's praised sake.

Although it hadn't been the worse... The duel... Salazar's soul.

They did not look at the other since that.

She had become so strange since Potter's name was announced as one of the champions of the tournament and Moody had transfigured Malfoy into an albino ferret — the people still made fun of him for that and the fucking pauper Ron Weasel-Bee called him ' _The twitchy little ferret._ '

The black leather gloves kept embracing her hands.

He hadn't seen the girl cry or smile, she was just quiet or irritable. Lhu was the only person who could barely get close to her and be at her side — even though Leevanna ignored her most of the time or closed her eyes tightly when she approached.

There were moments when the white-haired one became so cruel that she made the person in front of her cry just because of looking at her.

Yesterday, for example, a first-year Muggle-born had made her fall by crashing with her in one of the corridors, and Cedric and Theodore had had to step in and grab her from behind by the shoulders so that she wouldn't choke or kill the poor boy after telling him that he deserved to die.

Why? Nobody knew but that had scared the fuck off everyone — because she had not reacted like that since first year.

The blond left the common room and headed to the school garden, he could use some fresh air. He stopped when he saw a fairly familiar hair.

Why his heart beat a bit faster? He did not know.

The girl was sitting where she usually did, wearing a green silk shirt pyjama that fit her like a dress and her gaze was lost in the starry sky while the air of that night made her hair float. She was not wearing the black leather gloves.

Draco frowned when he thought he saw that the black in her hair had risen, was that even possible? Then he looked down to find strands of hair laying on the floor along with scissors. But the girl's hair was still just as long.

Leevanna turned when she felt someone's gaze, but hid her face in her hair. She didn't say anything, but she didn't dare look at the boy without having her hair covering her face. When the wind blew hard, her hair turned sharply away and revealed what she was trying to hide: her eyes were so swollen and red that you could barely make out the green iris. But that didn't stop them to reflect pure ice and coldness.

That she was so coldblooded most of the time, was one of the many things he despised about her.

"Go _away_ ," she told him in a cold tone without looking at him.

" _No_."

"Go away, Malfoy," she said again even colder, turning to look at him. He remained in his position before waving his wand and removing all the strands of hair from the ground.

"I'm not going away."

"Go the fuck _away_!" and her tone was as cold and hurtful as an ice floe.

"And who the fuck are you tell me what to do?"

"Oh, so you want me to complete what was about to say in the duelling?" Her voice was bitter and cold, defensive, as if she was a wounded animal trying to defend herself.

"Do it," he bites out. "I fucking dare you to do it," and there's again, the despise in his voice.

She lets out a chuckle, filled with deadly — oozing sarcasm as she looks at the sky again. "I'm not wasting my time with you."

"What a miracle," he says matter-of-factly. "I thought you were braver, Vaughan."

"Looks who talks about fucking bravery," her eyes connect with each of his again. "Should I remind you third year?"

"Oh, you say it because all the things I said to you?" A bitter chuckle breaks free from his lips as his hands enter his pant's pockets. "Because I haven't changed my mind."

"You think I give a fuck about how you called me? Ha," she looks away again and shakes her head in disapproval. "I have heard worst things."

"Like what?" His eyes scolding every part of her. "That you are a _disappointment_? That's how your dear daddy calls you, or am I wrong?"

"Don't fucking talk about my family," her green iris meeting his blue-grey.

"I think disappointment is too _low_ ," he continues, ignoring her warning. "I think I've heard another... How was it? That you are a fucking _shame_? That you are nothing? That you deserve to be _punished_?"

"Stop it," she roars. The red veins in her eyes becoming stronger.

"Ow, am I hurting you, Vaughan?" He mocks. His eyes move up and down, staring with despise.

" _'A Mudblood_ ," she speaks again, her eyes burning every part of him, lip quirking up on one side. And she smiles fully. " _I cannot believe that a filthy Mudblood cunt is better than you'_ , that's what you father said to you in first year," and his eyes acquire a hurt colour as he thinks that he had never heard her use that word before.

And her eyes shine.

She knows how to fight him back.

" _'A disgrace for the Pureblood offspring'_ ," she knows she is hurting him. "Tell me, Draco... How is it to be less than a filthy Mudblood? How is it for you that your parents love more someone else? How does it feel knowing that someone is fucking better than you?"

He doesn't move a single inch — all she can see for a second is the slightest flicker in his expression.

Both are hurt now, the same level. Wounded animals who just act the way they do to defend themselves. But none of them show it — how their chest hurts for their words.

"You are really a fucking cunt," and a sarcastic sideways smile is decorating his face. "A fucking cunt who just wants _attention_ , hiding behind that empire of ice you say to have."

"And you are a piece of shit who wants to control everything, deeply knowing that he's just like his father," she smiles bitterly too. "Can you go the fuck away now?"

"I don't see your fucking name written in this place, or you own it?" She glares him, not wanting to admit he's right.

"You are stubborn, aren't you?"

"Just when I want," then he sat in front of her shrugging, and after bending one knee and leaning his arm on it, he said: "When I got sick, Mum was the only one who stayed with me all night to make sure I was okay. It's one of the few moments where I was happy."

"Why are you telling me that?" she asked stroking the flowers that she had grown in the undergrowth near her.

He didn't know exactly why he had told her that either, it just came to his mind and left his lips inevitably.

He shrugged before standing up and starting to walk, then stopped and turned his head.

"Are you coming or waiting for a handwritten invitation?" he asked her, she stood up a bit slowly and walked behind him until they reached the centre of it all. Draco sat on the grass and then leaned his back on it, Leevanna mimicked his action and they both stared at the stars in silence for a few minutes.

And they know they are hurt. They know they are just hiding behind the cruel words they said moments ago just for defend themselves.

But they just — they forget about it.

"Father hit me," she said out of nowhere as she looked up at the stars. "It was last week," she sighed. "In some way or another, he found out that I've been running away from home all summer and that I've been in the bed of half England... Mum did nothing, just stood there, watching, as always," she finished and realised that she hadn't shed a single tear as she spoke. "I had the mark of his hand for three days," she laughed placing her hands on her abdomen.

Why she had told him? She did not know.

"And I thought you were all red because it was passing in front of you," he laughed in the same way, no one turned to see each other

Deep down, Draco knew that if he looked at her he would see himself and he didn't like that idea. He did not want to start letting his barriers fall. But with her, he felt so safe...

Fuck's sake he despised feeling safe with her.

He despised her because he told him things that nobody knew about him.

Why she had to be so cold and warm at the same time that made her just the perfect place to be in?

On the other hand, Leevanna knew that if she looked at him she wouldn't be able to avoid shedding tears and she did not want to. He had seen her cry, a few times now, but she didn't like the idea of being weak and not being able to control her emotions. She didn't want to let her selected circle to grow.

She despised being so weak in front of him, for Salazar's sake.

She despised him because no one was supposed to see her like that, no one was supposed to know about all the things she had been through.

She despised not having the fucking control of her own fucking emotions. She despised all the emotions.

Why he had to cross all her barriers effortlessly? Why he could touch her?

"You wish," she replied rolling her eyes. "I can transfigure you into a ferret, huh," she said playfully.

"I'm still traumatised, please no," and both teenagers laugh.

"Twitchy little ferret," Leevanna mocked.

"Oh piss off. I can make your teeth grow again."

"Please, no."

Both remained in silent again after a soft giggle broke free from their lips.

"How do you do it?" she asked.

"Do what?"

"Don't break every time your father says something to you."

"Same question."

"We are both so broken," she sighed lowly, guiding her gaze to the stars that illuminated the sky. Draco sighed looking one star in particular.

He was the first to turn his gaze and observe the girl's profile, then she turned her head to meet the boy's blue eyes. They didn't realize they were so close to the point where their noses were touching.

Why their skins had to be so soft?

Why they just couldn't be separated?

Why they had to feel?

Why she wanted to kiss him?!

Why he wanted her to ask him to kiss her?!

Why. They. Missed. The. Other's. Lips. So. Fucking. Much.

God help them.

"Draco..." she says lowering her gaze to the blond's lips.

Oh, God, she despised everything about him.

"Hm?" he replies imitating the girl's action, both looked into each other's eyes.

He fucking despised her sweet lips and the way they said his name.

"Kiss me..." She whispers lowering her gaze again while the boy's lips were slowly approaching hers until they were on hers. His lips were just as cold as hers.

It is the first time she acknowledged that kissing him was... _different_ — quite addictive.

Kissing him was neat — crisp and briefly, every movement having meaning and at the same time no, every touch placed where he wanted it to be and where it had to be — And why? Why he had to touch her? How could he touch her?

Kissing him was dark and demanding.

His bold tongue and bloody adventurous fingertips which had no shame in touching every part of her.

She'd never imagined Draco Malfoy could kiss like that — the way he kissed her.

She had actually never imagined kissing him — not for a tiny little second — And now... Now she could not imagine why not.

Why hadn't she ever thought of Draco in that way? She had really never done it — she had never agreed out loud when some Slytherin girls talked about him and how handsome and a lot more things he was —, but, even being completely foul-tempered, stubborn and crass and with that despicable attitude of his that drove her mental, there was never a conceivable way to pass off his looks as conventional.

He was tall — taller than most of the boys she knew and had known and a lot more than her — she was like a goblin by his side. His icy blue-grey eyes which seemed to be teasing all the time — looking with superiority. His arrogant smile.

He was alluring — there was no doubt in that.

Since her second year she had heard a lot of girls talk about how good he looked in his Quidditch robes or riding his broom in the games. She hadn't agreed, because she wasn't interested in anything related with boys and she made potions all the time and barely had time to socialise — to be with Lhu — but then — then her third year had been different.

Her third year had been the first time she saw him with messy and long hair. Her third year had been the first time she paid attention to the girl-talk most Slytherins had in the common room while eating candies, how they said that he had changed a lot since the last time and how many girls liked him more now. Third year had been the first time she paid attention to the aristocrat movement of his hands and how his fingers ran through his hair when he was frustrated or bored. That year also had been the first time they spent a record time without fighting and being able to get along and that had felt... Good — very good.

That bloody year had been the first time she had really paid attention to him and the things he did — little details she had noticed about him. Little tics he had. Little actions she had discovered.

In that year a lot of weird things had happened.

Third year had been confusing.

She had tried to avoid it, really. And she had succeeded it — until he stole her first kiss before summer vacation and removed all her quiet life in once.

Her upper lip fell between his, making a small sound, like a breathe.

Then his lips pressed it making another small sound. Her lips tasted so good.

Yeah, he despised them.

And she despised his lips too.

Leevanna quickly changed her position and ended up sitting on him — she doesn't know how she did it, how it seemed so easy for her leg to surround him — but — now — now she could feel him better. Draco, once seated too, sweeps his hand beneath the curtain of her hair, surrounding her throat. He took her by the hips, pulling her closer to him and then slid his hands under the girl's shirt without stopping kissing her. She had shuddered a bit but did not say anything.

He was kissing her gently, carefully and slowly trying to touch and feel every part of her soft skin — But it was not gentleness what she wanted. Not now. Not never. Not with him.

" _I hate you_ ," she breathes in his mouth before giving his tongue a lick with hers, meeting like two old friends.

" _I hate you_ , too," and now their foreheads are pressed. And that's the last sip of air before two mouths find each other in a mortal fight that feels like a dance between two enemies.

And the word tastes _sweet_ in their mouths, feels like the air of spring hitting their faces.

She knotted her fists in his shirt, pulling him harder against her, hearing how a soft and low groan drowned in his throat.

She feels the rational thoughts escaping — fading away as smoke. Everything feels dazedly.

And the second kiss is not gentle anymore, is... This kiss is kind of hatred.

This kiss is the despise both had for each other, because they know they are hurt, that they are wounded animals that just want to keep hurting each other to know who breaks first. This kiss is the bitter savour of the words they just said and how it itches because it seemed to be a placebo of sweetness, is the hollow ache in their chests and the bells of betrayal because they promised themselves they would resist and yet here they are.

 _Kissing_ each other.

She tangled her fingers between the boy's blond hair and a current invaded her body when she felt the boy's arms circled her body, gathering against him before his cold fingers climb up her back and draws her closer, even more, pressing her against him as if he was dying of cold and she was the most warmest thing on earth, as if he tried to keep her there forever — making her last forever. His hands moved up and down the length of her back, the need to touch every part of her was all consuming him — and her body seemed to mould against his as if she were liquid — ice melting.

Why she was not pushing him back?

She just lets herself lose in the surface of the sensations that travelled her body, sounds start flooding back to her. She loses herself in the scent of his subtle and intoxicating cologne.

His hands — cold and long far too real, far too low on her hips now as he pulled her as closer as posible. His hands were long... _Delicate_.

There would've been no way for her to know in the past two years how smooth and delicate his fingertips were — as if he was touching some kind of Chinese porcelain — and she would have not wanted to know it either, never — but after feeling his hands trace her naked hipbones after slipping slowly beneath the waistband of her mini silky pyjama shorts... She was more than lost. Just like she had been when his fingers had caressed her cheeks.

His mouth, frozen on the outside but hot and warm within — kissing her — feeling every part of her lips and its taste, caressing her with every part of him, his hands, his fingers, his tongue, his lips, his eyelashes — and then she knew that he was as lost as she was.

"Fuck, I'm freezing," he said between kisses making her laugh.

Then the girl took him by the hand as he got up and began to run with him through the corridors of Hogwarts until they reached the Slytherin dungeons.

It was the boy's turn to pull the girl up to his bedroom.

" _Muffliato_ ," he muttered pointing his wand at his roommates.

" _Protego Totalum,_ " the girl also murmured, surrounding the boy's bed with her wand.

After a few seconds of silence, Draco was the first to approach her and grab her by the waist while bringing their lips together.

Why her lips had to be so fucking perfect?

Leevanna stood on her tippy toes to reach the boy and be able to get her fingers in his platinum blond hair and feel how he held her tighter before sitting on his bed, she straddled him and clung closer to him feeling how the blond left small kisses all over her neck — his tongue tracing, flowing up and down slowly for the veins in her neck, pausing now and then so that he can warm her pale skin with his blood-rushed lips — nipping a bit, softly, delicate. He was right below her ear making his breath collide. His hands pressing her skin.

Why his lips had to feel so fucking awesome?

And she realised that she would have never imagine been kissed like that — that she had never been kissed like that and — and she wants to be kissed like that... Like a woman.

And he realised it, what she was thinking as if he could read her intriguing mind. And he knows she should be kissed that way — the way he was doing it — but only by him. She tasted too good to let others get intoxicated with her venom.

Draco quickly shifted position, laying her onto the bed gently and him moving between her legs.

To be honest, neither of them wanted to go any further, they just wanted to feel the other's lips on theirs. They both looked into each other's eyes, their noses brushing. The green-eyed one took the boy by the cheeks and brought her lips together abruptly as she felt the blue-grey-eyed one reach his hands under her silk nightgown and cling to her waist.

She allows a little subtle sound escape from her lips, a small sigh against — in his lips as they kiss when his hand slid down again under the waistband of her shorts, returning up again and caressing her abdomen's skin.

They had no idea how long they kissed — morning could have dawned for all they knew — before the two of them slowly parted, panting, as they looked into each other's eyes; he placed one of the girl's strands behind her ear. He could see a pretty blush staining her cheeks and his chest swelled with pride and suddenly his heart lightened.

Maybe he wanted to let his barriers fall.

And maybe she didn't want to control her emotions.

The same shit, they despised the other and themselves too.

It was the fucking teenage hormones.

Just that.

The two teenagers lay next to each other face to face, he held her by the waist with one hand and she clung to him by the collar of his shirt. As they stared at each other, they both closed their eyes little by little, falling asleep seconds later. That night Leevanna had no nightmares and Draco was finally able to fall asleep.


	7. Secrets

"Wait."

Leevanna rolled her eyes in annoyance, placing her hands over her naked abdomen.

Boring.

Her tiny body only covered by her lace bralette and panties being illuminated by the room's light and the green humid glow from the windows.

Maybe she could open one of them and let all the water from the Black Lake flood the room — maybe in that way the situation would be more interesting and she would've fun.

She pressed her lips avoiding think about it anymore and not laugh. It'd be so fucking funny.

When Adrian Pucey began to spread kisses down her neck again, she let out a small sigh from her lips at the same time her back arched a bit for the boy to continue his sloppy and sticky journey — she was serious and the situation was slowing her down... Or maybe it could be that her mind was elsewhere.

Somewhere between the warm and coldness of a pair of blood-rushed lips.

The boy positioned himself between her legs and caressed the outside of her thighs gently — too gentle, too delicate, too slow. She didn't like it. None of his touches was where they were supposed to be and he pressed too hard, too inexpertly, almost hurting her. And his hands were a little sweaty.

" _Ow_ ," she mumbled when his hand pressed her hipbone so hard that she thought that maybe he'd literally broken it.

"Sorry," he apologised, removing his hand and placing it on the curve of her waist. He actually was not touching — _pinching_ was the adequate word.

She didn't say anything, she didn't emit any type of sound — not a single gasp or groan when she felt the hardness between his thighs pressing one of hers and then her belly, rubbing — and her mind wandered about what they would serve for dinner that day. Maybe she could ask Fleur to join Lhu and her in their trip to the Hogsmeade's spa in two days. That would be fun, her sister could come too, she was so lovely.

She was so lost in her thoughts that didn't know at what moment Adrian's lips met hers, she felt nothing — her flesh did not prickle or tingle. She didn't even feel his lips.

But that didn't stop her that, from the second she felt how his hand was going further and almost reached the edge of her underwear, she placed her hands on the boy's chest trying to stop him. He removed his hand and placed it on the bed. His lips approached—

"Stop, stop," she snapped rudely, pushing him with her hands as he tried to kiss her.

"Why?" he asked breathlessly into the girl's ear as he kissed her neck and she tried to get away from him. She was getting scared. Very scared.

He — He was forcing her — she — she did not want to be touched — _No_. He — He needed to stop. It was too much, too much, too much—

"You don't like it?" he continued hearing her let out a moan... Although it hadn't exactly been that — the little sound she had made, had been a gasp of terror, feeling the air failing her while her hands trembled and her chest contracted.

She could not breathe — She could _not_ —

"Stop it," she ordered feeling his hands taking all over her body as he slid his tongue through the skin of her neck — she started panicking. " _STOP IT!_ " she yelled rudely before pushing him hard and getting off the bed quickly to start searching for her clothes.

She couldn't go through with it, she just couldn't. No one else was going to touch her, no, no one else.

It was too much.

Too overwhelming.

Too many memories.

She would find another way to freeze her emotions — if she wanted that.

Adrian, almost naked, was confused seeing her quickly put on her clothes and leave the room without saying anything — not even a wave of goodbye or anything.

She didn't want to be touched, by anyone or anything. She was actually thinking about wearing black gloves again. She was feeling disgusted with herself. It was too much.

Terence Higgs, Cedric Diggory — well, he did not count, he had not forced her, it had been just kisses and a caress on her waist —, Durmstrang boys and the list went on, but with none had it gone beyond kisses and caresses with their bodies naked until she pushed them away yelling that they had to stop. She reacted too aggressively sometimes.

Yes, she definitely remained a virgin, only that the rumours were distorted depending of who was telling them. The boys said that she was heaven — that her skin was so soft that you couldn'tstop touching, but they didn't dare to say that she threw them out of her room if they tried to touch parts of her body to which she didn't give any type of access — or she left their rooms without saying a single word.

But she didn't like the word 'virgin', not because she was ashamed of it or something. It was because, for her, there was no difference between a woman who hadn't had sex and one who had, at least not a biological difference. Mentally maybe, but biologically talking, both bodies were the same.

Just Lhu knew that she hadn't had sex with anyone and she wanted to keep it that way because it was no one business either. What happened to her body was on her own and no one else's.

She huffed and descended the few stairs that separated the dorms from the common room and grabbed one of her strands roughly to start braiding it.

Why didn't she say anything about the rumours? Even her parents had bought the story. Her father had even—

"Bad mood?" The girl jumped in fright before rolling her eyes in amusement. Draco Malfoy had cornered her. The blond had his left hand resting on the wall blocking the way of the girl, he looked at her with an arrogant smile, her short stature made him have to look down and her to look up.

She despised when he did that.

Why he could be so close and not made her push him away like with the others?

The pieces of the puzzle in her brain doesn't make any sense, making fun of her as she uses all her ability to try and think, decipher the correct answer.

"You give me a bad mood," she replied, sticking her palms to the wall as his breath barely collides with her face. "You always give me a bad mood."

He huffs out a breath as he chuckled — it sweeps down across her face, ice-cold and spiked with some kind of a mix between apple mint and lemon balm — it is fresh. He's sucking on a little one, almost imperceptible because it's almost finished. She can see it now that he is closer, she can see the way he rolls it around under his tongue, melting and reducing it to nothing.

And she discovers herself paying close attention to his mouth.

"You weren't saying that last time..." He said playfully making the girl roll her eyes again. His fingers over the wall spasm lightly and barely visible when the urge of wanting to touch her — and her soft curls — colonises his mind. Like venom.

She was venom for him. A sugary one.

"Piss off."

"What? It's the truth" the girl couldn't help but laugh before shaking her head. He was talking about their kiss.

 _Their_ kiss — Both — Plural.

"Stop it, Malfoy," she replied.

"Why? Making you blush?" he inquired bringing his face close to hers — alarmingly closer.

"You wish," the green-eyed one muttered in response, holding her gaze — _trying_ to hold it.

"You have no idea," he whispered, then they both just looked into each other's eyes without saying a single word, just hearing their breathings and getting lost in the colours of the other's eyes.

Both despised the other for making them feel things — weird things... But they had decided to live with— _No_. They could not live with that.

It had been a couple of days since their... moment — as a way to call it — and they just couldn't stop staring at each other like two idiots, the tension was so much that it could be cut with an axe — what's more, the poor axe would break and then explode. And when they were half an inch from bringing their lips together again—

"Leevanna! I've been looking for you for ages! Fleur and I— I interrupt?" Lhu inquired with both of her eyebrows raised, seeing how the blond pulled his hand out of the wall while trying to hold back his laughter and her best friend pursed her lips avoiding to laugh too, pulling a strand of hair behind her ear.

Both look away from the other instantly, as a slight and little blush rose their cheeks.

"Next time you won't escape me, Vaughan," Malfoy said to the girl in the ear before taking a green apple from his robes and giving it a bite, then walking in the direction of the boys' dorms, where Leevanna'd been moments before, not without saying goodbye to Lhu first. Leevanna only bit her lower lip before sighing and starting to walk towards her friend.

"So, you and Fleur...?" she asked crossing her arms trying to change the subject quickly as they both started walking towards the exit.

"Forget Fleur, what the hell was going on there?" she asked, interrupting her friend's path. Lhu had a mischievous smirk as her eyebrows raised up and down repeatedly, playfully.

"Nothing," she answered bluntly before smiling and walking on. "We were playing, that's all," she finished causing the curly-haired one to roll her eyes.

"Yeah right, _plAyIng_ ," she laughed knowing that Leevanna wasn't telling her anything for the moment.

But she'd still question her until she spilt it out — she always did that.

Both girls continued walking through the castle corridors as they talked, Fleur Delacour and other Beauxbatons girls with whom they'd become quite close joined in the way.

༄

"Bets! Bets!" said Lee loud enough from the people who were far away. "Make your bets!"

"What are we betting for?" Asked Daphne frowning softly as she approached the Gryffindor.

"Wizard's Chess Tournament, my dear serpent," Lee smiled proudly. "Three Weasleys versus our Ice Queen."

"That's even a bet? Is obvious Leevanna is going to win," she raised one of her eyebrows playfully.

"That's because you haven't seen a Weasley in chess before," he winked at her making the Slytherin girl laugh.

"The Weasleys run this school in chess," the voice of Hannah Abbott made the two fix their gazes towards her. "But Leevanna Vaughan is a fucking queen in it."

"The Weasleys are really that good?" Asked Daphne frowning softly.

"Well — You haven't gone to the lions' tower before, so you haven't seen them play yet, it would surprise you how good they are," Hannah chuckled, crossing her arms over her chest.

"George and Fred beat all the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs in the tournament after Christmas, remember Hannah?" Said Lee smiling towards the Hufflepuff. "It was epic, I swear I saw people crying."

"Oh! I remember!" Laughed the girl. "And both were gambling with chocolate frogs!"

"And then Ron beat like three Ravenclaws after winning over the lions and badgers."

"The best way to spend a whole weekend," Hanna chuckled smiling. "But Leevanna isn't far behind, at least the times I had seen her she's win."

"She beat Malfoy, remember?" Said Daphne. "He is the best in Slytherin — well— _was_."

"And I also heard she beat half of the eagle side," recalled Hanna and Daphne nodded proudly. "Bet between the both is gonna be difficult."

"I'm going for our Ice Queen," Daphne sighed as she looked for the sickles inside her pockets before turning her head. "Astoria you want to bet too?!"

"Bet for what?" Sighed the girl approaching and keeping her book in her bag. "The chess tournament?" The four nodded.

"Weasleys or Vaughan?"Asked Lee.

"Don't put me between the sword and the wall," she chuckled. "I'm going to go for Vaughan," and she looked for the sickles too.

"I'm going for the Weasleys," shrugged Hannah handing the money to Lee. "Or can I bet for the two?"

"Just one of them, my dear friend," smiled Lee.

"Oi, the tournament is going to start," said Isobel MacDougal approaching next to Lhu. "Woah, the bets are — Woah," her eyes widened as she saw the amount of money and bets the Gryffindor had.

"A Ravenclaw speechless? That's something I'm going to remember for the rest of my bloody life," laughed Lee.

"This whole thing is epic, enough to leave an eagle without words," chuckled Isobel. "Have you seen all the people in The Great Hall?"

"I swear they seem bloody maizem, they multiply every second," Lhu ran her fingers through her hair before crossing her arms over her chest and leaving a smile on her face. "Half an hour ago they were like 100 and now most of the school is inside, without mentioning Beauxbatons and Durmstrang."

"Where are the Weasleys and Vaughan? I thought you were with them," frowned Daphne surrounding her sister's neck with her arms from behind as a hug.

"The redheads are eating, as always," laughed Lhu. "And you know how Leev is, she's in the girls' lavatory alone as her brain works."

"Shall we going?" Said Astoria looking at her wristwatch. "Ten minutes before it starts."

"Oi, little bitches!" Called Theo from the hallway. "Minus Astoria, she's a princess," he chuckled. "The thing's about to start and we need the presentation!"

"Holy fuck, that's my part," hurried Lee giving the bet's box to Lhu before starting to run towards The Great Hall.

"Let's go, we need to find seats," sighed Hannah passing an arm over Isobel's shoulders to start walking.

Meanwhile, on the girls' lavatory, Leevanna Vaughan laughed.

"I-I swear I'm crazy," she laughed again with her hands supported on the edges of the sink before she took a deep breath. "Ah, calm down Leevanna, this isn't the time to think about your death."

But she could not help but laugh out loud when the image of her being run over by the Hogwarts' Express with her wearing a maid's costume invaded her mind.

"Leev? Leev are you here?" she turned her head still laughing when Lhu's voice leaked through her ears.

"Here," she breathed leaving a smile on her lips as the curly-haired walked in her direction. She laughed again and held her belly not being able to avoid repeating over and over again the image of few momenta ago in her head.

"Why are you laughing at?" Lhu chuckled.

"Nothing, stupid shite," Leevanna breathed still trying to contain her laugh.

"Are you ready? It's only in five minutes," sighed Lhu untying her robes.

"I don't know a single chess movement," Leevanna laughed again.

"What— _Leevanna_ — Leevanna what the hell?!" Lhu's eyes winded open making her friend laugh even more. "Are you joking with me right?"

"Nope," the black-and-white-haired chuckled before she looked at her with a smile. "I really don't know anything," she sighed happily, intertwining her arm with her friend's and both headed towards The Great Hall.

Lhu sniffed her friend when both were going through the doors.

"Are you— Are you drunk?" The curly-haired asked frowning confused.

"Yep," Leevanna laughed. "Hello, everyone!" She greeted enthusiastically, letting go of her friend's arm and walking among the tables to reach her seat. "Merlin, I love your skirt, where did you get it?" Her eyes sparkled seeing the skirt one girl of Gryffindor was wearing.

"It's Muggle made... From a shop in Hogsmeade...?" Replied Katie Bell frowning confused. Leevanna clapped her hands happily and nodded before continue walking.

Lhu blinked repeatedly still in shock.

"What's wrong with her?" Asked Blaise looking confused at Leevanna, who was making a first-year boy Ravenclaw give a dance spin as she laughed. "Since when she's so... Cheerful?"

"She's drunk," muttered Lhu getting out of her trance.

"She's what?!" Blaise's eyes winded open abruptly as he turned to see her. "You are joking, right?"

"And the moment we all been waiting for..!" Lee's voice made the two Slytherins turn their heads to look straight. "...The Wizard's Chess Tournament!"

"Is Vaughan okay?" Asked Draco Malfoy frowning when Lhu and Blaise arrived his position as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"She's drunk," said Lhu and Blaise.

"Who's drunk?" Asked Pansy arriving her seat next to Theodore, who was taking a piece of his sandwich to his mouth.

"Vaughan," said Blaise and Lhu again.

"Sorry— _What_?" Draco's eyes winded open as he turned his head to look at them and then at the black-and-white-haired. "She's— _what_?!"

"Okay, Ice Queen, first you go with George, heads or tails?" Asked Lee as the girl sat down in front of her best friend's boyfriend.

"Tails," she smiled looking at the chess pieces with fascination.

Lee threw the coin to the air before catching it and revealing the results. "Tails."

"Oh— but I don't want to be the whites," she complained. "Can I be the blacks and Georgie the whites?"

Everyone present look at each other confused. Lhu, Draco, Pansy and Blaise hit their foreheads with the palm of his hands as Theo laughed.

"What the—" Lee mumbled. "Mate? O-Opinion?"

"Leev, everything okay there?" George chuckled taking a piece of chocolate to his mouth.

"I'm drunk," she smiled proudly.

"Okay, you may start then," laughed Lee and everyone went silent.

Now, let's see what the hell was happening with Leevanna Vaughan, also known as the Ice Queen.

Why was she drunk? Simple, she had mistaken a bottle of Fire Whiskey with one of juice because she was distracted. She had realised her mistake almost when she had finalised the bottle — she had thought the juice hadn't had any sugar or was a mix of citrus. But she had not stopped drinking after finding out.

 _'Fuck it'_ had been her majestic words as she shrugged and took another long sip of the liquor. After two bottles, she was making jokes about ducks using maid's costumes.

"And... Checkmate, George Weasley," she smiled and clapped after her bishop made the last move.

"Ten fucking moves — How the actual fuck you beat someone in ten bloody moves?!" George said outraged and redoing all the movements as she laughed.

"Ice Queen wins!" Lee's voice raised among all the people cheering and clapping. "Come on, George, don't cry mate."

"Oh, fuck off," George complained in a whim. "But— Congratulations, little cinnamon," he said extending his hand towards the girl as they both stood up and he chuckled. And she was drunk, she didn't even think about it, she just shook her hand with him.

"Freddie, if you will," Leevanna said as she made a messy bun with her hair and raised her eyebrows repeatedly in a teasing way

"She's going to destroy me," he pouted and sat down as his brother laughed and drummed his head with his hands.

"You may start," said Lee laughing.

An hour and a half and seven moves later, Leevanna was eating Jelly Slugs. "Checkmate, Fred Weasley," she smirked playfully. "For the sixth time."

"I swear to fucking Godric— My dignity..."

"Yeah, I just stepped on it," she shrugged taking another of the yellow jelly slugs to her mouth. "Where's Weasel-Bee?"

"Here comes the real thing," said both twins as they looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

Ron gulped.

"Mate, she can't beat you, she's drunk and you are the best in this," said Finnigan giving him two blows on his back. "Two galleons on you, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah, she can't beat me," said Ron secure of himself and running his fingers through his hair.

"And... You start... _Now_!"

Leevanna and Ron shook hands before both sat down without looking at each other. She took another jelly slug, this time green, to her mouth. Her gaze fixed on the movement Ron Weasley, being the whites, had just made, initiating the game. The pawn on E2 to E4.

 _We're playing like Grandmasters then_ , her own voice said in her head with an internal grin.

She moved her piece. C7 to C5.

And the alcohol mixed with sugar in her systems tripled all her senses, allowed her brain to imagine the millions of tactics and movements she could use in a matter of milliseconds. The pieces moved in her brain as her eyes did.

"G1 to F3," said Ron watching the knight move through the board.

"D7 to D5," everyone was expectant, seeing other of the girl's pawn move.

Millions of eyes looked at each other, some people had small boards and moved the pieces as both teenagers said, because they were too far away to see. There was a lot of people.

Twenty long minutes later, Ron looked up at her and his mouth opened: "B1 to C3."

She looked up. "E5 to D4," and the pawn kill Ron's knight.

Both looked down again, thinking about their next movement silently as everyone preset looked at each other. The only sounds that are being listened were the fire starting to burn the wood in the fireplace and the crunchiness from the plastic bags of candy or the maizem.

"F1 to A6," Ron's bishop moved after good ten minutes passed. He looked up at her again.

She took her time, giving permission for her brain to do a few dark-humoured jokes about the situation as she let another ten minutes pass before she looked up at the boy in front of her and spoke again: "G8 to F6," and Leevanna's knight moved.

"A6 to B7," and everyone began to murmur when the redheaded's bishop killed the girl's pawn.

None of them without looking away from the other's eyes. For the first time, Ron didn't feel afraid of her eyes and was able to look directly at the pretty colour her iris had. And maybe it was because Leevanna wasn't trying to intimidate him, she was actually reflecting happiness instead of those ice floes which hurt.

"F6 to E4," two minutes later, her knight killed his pawn. The murmurs growing.

"B7 to C8," his bishop killed hers.

"D4 to C3."

"And you're telling me she's drunk?" Pansy whispered to Lhu opening her eyes when Leevanna's pawn kill Ron's second knight seconds later she said the letters and numbers.

"C1 to H7," said Ron killing the girl's pawn with his second bishop.

"C3 to B2."

"She isn't even looking!" The raven-haired whispered again.

"Wait— now she's looking," whispered Lhu seeing both teenagers concentrated on the board again.

"A2 to A4," Ron's pawn moved.

"Why— Is she laughing?" frowned Blaise and Daphne nodded confused.

"I think that—" Pansy smiled.

Ron's face pale as his lips whispered a _'Fuck.'_

"Queen to C3," Leevanna said taking the last jelly slug to her mouth.

"She just—" Daphne smiled too.

"Checkmate, Weasel-Bee."

༄

The 24th of November, the day of the first task for the champions, Lhu tried to convince Leevanna to tell her about her and Malfoy, but the black-and-white-haired one kept telling her over and over that nothing was happening. Both girls were walking with their arms intertwined as they talked, although rather Lhu kept questioning Leevanna.

The girl didn't know what to answer anymore, she didn't want to tell her about the 'moment', at least not yet. She was still trying to figure out how to live with all the things she was feeling — or how not to live with that. How give the slightest sense to the messy puzzle in her brain.

Gods, she despised feeling so much.

On the other hand, after the Wizard's Chess tournament, she'd fallen on an adrenaline state that made her play chess with everyone who was present and she won the ninety per cent of the games, that ten per cent had been with her and her eyes closing every second after her adrenaline lowered one moment to another leaving her beyond tired making her deconcentrate and loose against a lot of people. She didn't remember most of the things the next day thanks to the alcohol and sugar that had been in her body but Lhu had made sure or telling her everything as they ate ice cream.

When they arrived at the place, it was beginning to fill up little by little and the screams of excitement already filled the whole place. The Weasley twins appeared behind both girls and took them by the shoulders as they usually did.

A few weeks ago George and Lhu had started dating officially.

"Would you like to make bets, beautiful ladies?" Fred asked with a smile in Leevanna's direction.

"I bet on you," the girl replied with a funny wink before he tried to hug her. She pushed him a bit before taking air deeply and surround his waist with her arms. She needed to stop doing that with her friends.

Both twins treated her like a little sister, they always played pranks on Snape between the three of them and whenever they could they got high in the Hogwarts gardens and then go to class and laugh at anything or anyone.

"You melt my heart, but I'm really into brunettes," replied the redhead, putting an arm around her shoulders and drawing her closer to him.

She was trying to relax and not shudder.

 _He would not hurt you, Leevanna, calm the fuck down and stop jumping_ , said her conscience.

"Let me guess... Angelina Johnson?" she asked causing the redhead's cheeks to blush slightly, she broke out of his embrace with her eyes and lips wide open. "I knew it!" she exclaimed happily before quickly clapping her hands three times. "George Weasley stop snogging with my best friend."

"You have eyes on you back or what?"

A few minutes later, the twins said goodbye to the girls as they were going to continue looking for people who wanted to make bets — plus they had already convinced the girls to bet on Fleur.

After the first trial was over, Leevanna'd ran up to Hagrid to ask him to take her to the dragons and he had accepted for her luck, so she was in a good mood.

She loved dragons.

They reminded her herself.

And the dragons which had been brought from Rumania were the same ones she had had as pets when she was younger. She had re-encountered with three of her children — how she called the beasts.

In the night, Leevanna made sure no one was following her and ran away from her dorm with a pack of fags. This time she didn't go directly to the garden, instead, she took another path so that she could reach The Astronomy Tower.

She liked how quiet and peaceful that place was and she could smoke weed in peace.

It was already starting to get cold so that night she was wearing loose black pants and the Slytherin sweater, which wasn't even close to being her favourite. Green wasn't so much to her liking unless it was on satin or silk.

Once she lit one of the fags George'd given her hours earlier and leaned against the railing, she slowly took a long drag, retaining it a bit inside her lungs before she let the smoke out of her lips enjoying the taste of the weed

hitting the inside of her throat.

"Boo!" then she jumped when she felt two hands grab her waist from behind.

"Merlin, you almost gave me a heart attack," the girl said with one hand on her chest before pushing the boy with one of her hands, he just laughed, although there was something in his voice that wasn't right. "Are you okay?" She asked when she saw him lean his arms on the railing and guide his gaze to the stars.

Internally, she did a face-palm for worrying about him.

"Worried?" He replied letting out a weak laugh without looking at the girl. The blond shook his head slowly before removing the fag from the girl's fingers and taking a drag. "Have you ever tried so hard to please someone, but for them it's never enough? It's like— you try so hard but you know that person is never going to feel proud, but you never stop trying because you hope that one they finally realise it."

Silent.

Leevanna didn't know what to say, though she knew he was referring to his father. It hadn't been so difficult to guess, because she knew some dark secrets about Draco for previous years just as he knew some of hers.

The girl took the fag from Draco's fingers and took a long drag on it before letting out the smoke.

She couldn't say she understood, that would be hypocrisy — she hated hypocrisy.

Her parents had raised her to be perfect and they had succeeded — although they hadn't even done it for themselves — but they never asked for something more, she never showed them anything and she didn't try to please them because they'd done cruel things to her — especially her despicable, cruel and narcissist father — and she just didn't care about them anymore. She actually never talked with or about them. They were strangers living in the same cold house.

The white-haired one wasn't talking well of her parents the way Draco was talking about his mother and how wonderful she was. She didn't have a mother to accompany her every night that she was sick, she was always on her own.

Her parents had even wanted her to be born? That was something she didn't know and sincerely preferred not to ask — because she already knew the answer, nobody'd told her, she just knew it.

"No," she finally answered sighing. "But I'm still going to listen to you."

"Why?" he asked bringing his gaze to the girl's profile. "Why would you listen to me?"

And she thought the same thing.

She wasn't the kind of person who knew how to express her own emotions and now she was cheering up someone else's to do it.

The irony.

But then she remembered all those nights when Lhu'd just listened to her — her insecurities, thoughts and fears, things she'd been forced to do and see, the things she'd been through, the nightmares, the screams and... Her... Then Lhu always gave her a tight hug — after Leevanna agreed — while saying how much she loved her and how important was for her that she trusted her.

Well, Leevanna wasn't going to hug Draco and tell him how much she cared — because it seemed quite stupid — but she could try and listen to him.

God knew why the fuck she was caring.

But she was doing it.

And only holy Merlin knew how much she despised him for making her worry.

"Because I know what it's like to have no one when you need to talk about your demons, I know how is to be alone," she confessed looking back at him and giving him a sad smile. "Don't become an ice floe, Draco. Not you."

Why she had said that?

She hadn't had the fucking slightest idea.

That night, both of them sitting near the railing while they slowly finished their fags, Leevanna began to listen to Draco: his problems, his insecurities, what made him angry, what made him smile, his escapes. She saw him hold back the tears in each sentence, then watched them fall little by little as he told her his fears. She hadn't interrupted him, she didn't want to, she liked hearing him speak. He wasn't cruel, he wasn't bad, he was just broken.

And she despised him for that.

If he was bad, maybe it would be easier to convince herself that she should not care and worry.

But he wasn't bad — nobody was completely bad really, everyone had a fucked up past behind which made them be the way they were. Although there were little exceptions — there were people who were really bad and had no intention to change.

There was a difference, between being bad and wanting to be bad. At least for her there was one.

Being bad, for her, meant that one person had problems, wanted to hurt people on purpose and enjoy the feeling of it. It meant that one person did bad things to satiate their hunger of power — but the bad type of power, the one which made someone be above everything and everyone without caring what they had to do, not caring how much people they could hurt or kill on the way. Also wanting to be the heroes, knowing that they were the opposite and nobody could change that because they didn't try to be better and the actions of the past — and their past itself — couldn't justify their actions.

One clear and specific example was her father. And all the people who were in Azkaban and had committed horrible crimes, people who killed and tortured innocent humans and animals just for fun.

Wanting to be bad, for her, meant that one person tried to cover his or her feelings and put a lot of barriers so as not to be seen as weak. It meant that someone wanted to hide behind a façade of arrogance and roughness to feel strong and in control of themselves, to have the power of controlling the things they felt because of past traumas. This people weren't the villains but they weren't the heroes either, they didn't want to be the ones who saved the rest because it wasn't how they were and because of that they were tagged as the bad one, but they weren't, they were just broken.

One example was herself. And Draco. And a lot of people she'd known throughout her life.

On the other hand, Draco never felt more confident about opening up to someone than he'd done with her — not even with his own mother. Leevanna hadn't said anything, she just looked at him and chuckled every time he said something funny. He was grateful for that, he was grateful that she hadn't interrupted him or judged his thoughts. He knew that it wasn't going to be so easy for her to do the same — and he didn't know if she felt safe with him — but he understood that, and mentally he'd promised her not to become an ice floe.

When he'd finished venting, she had simply put her hand over his before intertwined them and smiled softly at him. Then he knew that she was just as broken as he was.

And he despised her for that.

He was letting his barriers fall... And somehow he wasn't complaining at all. Why he wasn't complaining?

It was the muggle-weed in their systems.

Yeah, that and the bloody fucking teenage hormones.

"Can I tell you a secret?" the green-eyed one said several minutes later. Both had their backs leaning against one of the columns at the side of the railing, their legs were stretched out and their hands were still intertwined. He nodded before looking down again and continuing to caress her hand with his thumb. "I'm still a virgin."

"What?" he replied with a frown and looking up again to find that the girl was laughing.

He had heard a lot of boys of their school-house talk about how she was in bed — the way she kissed, the way she moved, the way she let small sounds escape that pretty mouth of hers. And he'd felt — he'd felt angry about that.

Though didn't know why. He'd just felt that. Like a sour flavour in his mouth and a little sharp pain in his cardia.

The thought of someone touching her soft skin and entering their filthy hands under the fabric of her clothes made him angry. Knowing that someone else had touched and tasted her cherry syrup and honey flavoured lips made him angry. Knowing that she'd made those subtle sounds with someone else, knowing that someone fucking else'd kissed her the way he had, made him angry.

He had no right, he knew it. But he couldn't help it.

And now... Now she'd just confessed that no one had touched her skin or heard that little and small purrs she made when they'd kissed.

Relief. He felt relieved.

"Don't— don't tell anyone," she asked, unable to control her laughter.

"So all the rumours are fake?" he laughed catching on from the girl with a raised eyebrow. She nodded. "Well, me too," both laughed.

It was the weed.

None of them would have confessed that — something so private — if they were sober. If they weren't so high.

Seven bloody fags between both of them, of course, they were more than high.

"Tell me a rumour."

"Blaise and the chocolate."

"False. The five times it didn't come to any further and I kept eating the chocolate two hours earlier."

He chuckled. Yep, he could imagine her eating the chocolates the dark-skinned boy had brought as she read a book on an armchair without knowing why he had brought it.

"Terance with the tie."

"He doesn't even know how to untie a bra," then they both laughed out loud for several minutes.

Leevanna held her stomach as she tried to catch her breath and Draco shook his head as he put a hand on his face. They both stopped laughing but looked at each other again and the laughter broke out again, not stopping until more than five minutes later when they gasped.

"Your turn," she said.

"D'you remember when we met and fought over who had the best hair?" she nodded with a smile. "I secretly agreed that you'd better hair."

"I knew it!" the girl exclaimed laughing before pulling her hair back dramatically. "Nobody beats me."

"But don't tell anyone, I cannot accept that you beat me in something," he said and she nodded while laughing genuinely.

"Draco," she called after a few seconds of silence, he looked at her waiting for her to continue, the sky already taking on a lighter blue. Both were bringing their faces closely as they looked into each other's eyes until their noses brushed. "Could you be my first time?"

She wasn't controlling her emotions... And that felt fucking awesome.

Why it felt so awesome? It shouldn't feel awesome.

"I will," he nodded as he took one of her strands behind the girl's ear and began to draw their faces closer until their lips met slowly.

Their lips met so slowly and delicious that they could feel every single part and nerve of their mouths between the kiss.

And suddenly the messy puzzle in her head makes sense. A lot of sense. She discovers that the pieces fit upside down and normally, she discovers that she hadn't wanted to see the answer but now she is doing it.

Refuses to do so. But can't escape it.

His hand found the edges of her jaw and he leaned his mouth over hers, and his fingers buried into her soft curls and his nose scrubs against the expanse of skin beneath her cheekbone. His tongue brushes across the edges of her teeth.

It wasn't rough — it was gentle, softly, tasty, feeling the surface of every emotion and intoxicating themselves with the fragrance of the other. As if they needed to feel and breathe every part of it.

And a knot formed in her belly — lower, is a bit lower, and that tightens and builds this delicious kind of tension that both enjoy. And he makes this quiet, little sound — toneless and breathy. A quiet sort of gasp that she had heard before from his mouth.

It does something to her — more than just his lips were doing. Lights up whatever nerve centre that controls her emotions and not her large-brained head, and she's instantly tangling her fingers in his jumper front and pulling him closer.

Her nostrils intoxicating with his cold, minty breath mixed with the weed.

And she made her own little sound — a desperate sort between a purr and a keen that she didn't know she was capable of until he kissed her the first time he did.

And her tongue meets his — flutters against it and it makes his hands tighten in her hair. He knots in it and draws her further, if possible. And she deepened the pressure of the kiss twisting her fingers on the hem of his jumper.

And it isn't gently anymore — it's some _erotic_ , enigmatic way that sends currents throughout their bodies, like a burning.

Her cold hand left the hem of his jumper. Finds the smooth expanse along the side of his throat and presses, pulling.

His free hand it's placed on the exterior of her thigh — his cold and alarming hand which she didn't know how could touch her and not made her jump. She let out a little gasp as she grabbed his wrist abruptly when he pulled her thigh. She trembled.

_He's not going to hurt you._

And, listening to her conscience for the first time in the night, she slid her hand up to his arm over the fabric of his jumper and lets herself be guided by him until she is sitting on him.

He let escape another little, subtle sound — a small gasp this time, like breathing. The friction of their bodies is treacherous. Torturous. Sublime.

And she knows he's giving her a taste of how it'd be to be together.

Without leaving her lips, one of his hands swept beneath the courting of her hair, pressing her throat a bit and making her within shudder as the delicious burn in her grows.

He dropped his hand from her hair and slid both of his hands down her hipbones, under the fabric of her loose pants and pulled her hips forward and slams them back. She feels his fingers finding the edge of her underwear, twirling it before tracing a subtle path with one of his hands up her belly, reaching her abdomen and caressing it. His other hand, still grabbing the edge of her underwear, pulls the fabric a bit before releasing it.

He belted his arms around her lower back, entering them beneath her sweater and drawing her body against his. He's embracing her — wrapping as if he was cold. So cold and she was the only thing who could warm him.

And she did it. She warmed him.

He's never felt warm until now. Like he does when he's with her — kissing and touching her.

She surrounded his neck with her arms, crossing her wrists behind his neck and his waist with her legs — is like a hug, a warm one. And she buries herself in him.

He tightened her, pressing her body against his trying to keep her there forever.

And there was when they realised that: for her, he would be anything; for him, she would be whatever he needed.

And they despised, even more, the other for that.


	8. Alprazolam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: first-degree murder, drug usage and sexual assault.
> 
> I'm leaving an * to point the last warning, and if you don't feel confortable, please skip from that part until the next *. x

_Leevanna,_

_Fucking hell, how the bloody fuck do I even fucking explain this?_

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

_I just get out of my fucking shock and impact._

_Before you start imagining and getting your knickers in a bloody twist — because,_ no _, I'm not declaring my love for you or shite like that, bloody disgusting and creepy, I changed your bloody diapers,_ ew _— I just need to say it was in self-defence, yeah?_

_You have to fucking believe me._

_Sure you will. You understand me, you always do. You know me. My story. The things that had happened. How does it feel._

_Because you have thought the same for a long time and you cannot fucking deny it because I know you very well too. What's more, you would have done the fucking same — if not nastier — with your own a long fucking time ago if you had the fucking chance._

_I know she would do it too — understand why, what and how I did it — but we both know how she would react to what I'm going to say if she read this first. So,_ please _, just tell her once you read and comprehend this._

You _are the fucking only one who can help me a part from him._

_Okay, okay, take a fucking deep breath and close your eyes for a fucking bloody second._

_You took the deep breath? Okay, yeah._

_Fucking_ breathe _Leevanna Vaughan because I swear if you panic or fucking have one of your bloody episodes or fucking seizures I swear I'm going to fucking publish in the Prophet about you and the pumpkin juice incident._

_You remember the brother Lhu's father has — that bloke who made those comments about us when children and how your death grandma and him snickered all the bloody time, is the only brother also._

_My father._

_You knew him. Bloody hell you did._

_I swear Leevanana, it was an accident — who am I fooling? Fucking hell I wanted to do it for a long fucking time._

_By now you should be guessing what has happened._

_Leevanna, you and I know he is going to return. Fucking hell he is returning. The thing at the Quidditch World Cup was no accident, Leev. He is bloody much alive and in hiding like the pansy he fucking is. I'm sure every Slytherin and family there who has contacts like us knows he is bloody hell returning._

_The bastard wanted to bloody convert me, Leev. That fucking bastard wanted to put a death sentence on my bloody arm. I was shitting on my self Leev, I know you believe me._

_I had been planning it. As a joke at the beginning. I swear it was just a joke. Something with what Liam and I would laugh when we were high and wondering about the future. We plan a couple of scenarios. Nothing too extreme, something that would look like an accident if someone decided to investigate._

_We studied his most rare manias and bloody hell, the opportunity was fucking there. Waving at us. Tempting us to do it._

_Did you know bay leaves are fucking poisonous if they are ingested?_

_What am I even saying, of course you fucking know they are. Your brain has the bloody size of the Asian continent._

_Anyway, the bastard loved the spaghetti and meatballs with mini garlic bites. My surprise when I discovered the red sauce uses bay leaves made me grin so bloody hard. More when I discovered he had been eating the same dish for bloody days._

_I just needed to distract Gyps a bit with a cuppa and he forgot to remove the leaves. It was too bloody easy. I decided I would be a good idea to serve dinner for one time and the elves let me._

_Inside the sauce, the five leaves were bloody invisible. Nobody noticed and my mother isn't home — Germany, returns tomorrow._

_The bastard started suffocating in his studio and couldn't even call Gyps to help him._

__ _I just stood bloody there, Leev, I stood there and watched the pansy die in front of my eyes._

_I killed him, Leev._

_Fucking hell._

_I need a plan now. Earlier I told Gypse I would be out, so he thinks I'm not in the manor, point for me. But I don't know what the fuck do with the bloody corpse._

_With all my love,_

_Ashton._

_P.S.: bloody burn this once you two know. Liam is here with me also — panicking and laughing._

"Fuck."

Maybe she should have hold her breath instead of taking a deep one.

Bloody hell.

Why they always told this stuff to her? What the hell was she? A bloody serial killer or the fucking Dark Lord? Holy hell.

But that wasn't the main reason of why her gaze was still fixed on the letter.

> _You and I know he is going to return. Fucking hell he is returning. The thing at the Quidditch World Cup was no accident, Leev._

She isn't very surprised though. She was expecting it for a long time now — since her second year at Hogwarts when the Chamber of Secrets was opened by Ginny Weasley and Potter had his great feat as bloody always. She just didn't think he would return so soon.

But she doesn't have the time to think about that now, she has to bloody plan how to dispose of that corpse and make as if the two idiots weren't at the house at the moment.

Ashton's father was a _bastard_. He was right. She was bloody chuffed he was finally dead as hell.

When children, the man used to mock how Leevanna do ballet — he said her feet were to small and her torso too short, 'Head-legs' he used to call her, not very elaborate but still was offensive. Her maternal grandmother was his bloody ally with that — until the bitch died suffocated with her tea when Leevanna was seven.

With Ashton he was worse. From making fun of his skinny complexion and big eyes to call him 'House-elf' due to the previous motives.

The man deserved to die.

Through her mind's eye passes the memory of Liam killing accidentally one of his mother's cats two years ago because he didn't know cats cannot at chocolate or ice cream.

 _She_ had been the one who made it look the cat had been stupid and crossed the barrier around the manor.

Poor cat, died _electrocuted_.

Not even two weeks later and Ashton had killed two birds with a jinx accidentally.

She had been the one who made it look the birds had died from a component in their food.

It had always been like that, little accidents she could take care off and nobody would notice it had been someone else's fault. Seeing her parents do things like those — though she has never seen them have prisoners — had helped a lot. She definitely knows how to get her hands dirty and blame someone else for that.

But a bloody _corpse_? Holy hell. Those arseholes.

Ashton's father's office fortunately didn't have any portraits who could be witnesses of the accidental poisoning. And, as Ashton had said, not much persons know bay leaves can be dangerous if ingested.

_Dear imbecile,_

_FUCKING HELL WITH YOU ASHTON ONEYL!_

_AND THE OTHER WUSS TOO!_

_As a joke at the beginning? Something you and the other twat would laugh when high? WHO THE BLOODY HELL PLANS MURDER AS A BLOODY JOKE AND LAUGHS ABOUT IT?! FUCKING MENTAL YOU TWO BLOODY ARE._

_And you have the_ nerve _to fucking ask me to help you to cover your idiotic idea. The bloody fucking hell with you. Since I have bloody eleven years old I've been covering you both's crimes._

_Fortunately, you had the brain of making it look like a bloody accident and tell Gyps you would be out after dinner. One point for that. Lucky lad._

_But holy shite. The bastard is dead! I want to fucking hug you right now, you bastard. Good bloody plan you had there._

_Okay, so, do not get our knickers in a twist and relax because it's very simple._

_The idiot didn't even bleed, so I don't have to tell you how to clean blood — not that I know, but whatever. There are no portraits near you, nobody is a witness. The elves can rarely go to his office, so Gyps not going immediately isn't a problem either._

_Tell the other bell-end to open whatever your father usually drinks and leave a glass half-empty as a way to say he was drinking and the poisoning screwed all up._

_Don't let any fucking portrait see you both. Get out of there after you do that._

_And also leave some of his dark paperwork spread over the table._

_Your mother should be the one who find him._

_Let the rest to her._

_Do not bloody go back until the news come out to light._

_Burn this once you two read it. Lhu should already know by that time._

_Tell the other moronic tosser I say hello._

_Love,_

_Leevanna._

_P.S.: yeah, you're right. I would have done the same and even nastier._

She sighed and gave the letter to her owl before letting Nix jump to her to sleep on her arm while she read the letter one more time.

He _is_ returning.

Shite.

"Thought you were sleeping," at the sound of her best friend's voice, her whole body turned to see her shrugging to remove her coat.

"Couldn't do it," she answered looking behind the brunette's shoulder seeing the rest of their friends at Daphne and Pansy's dorm. It wasn't very late, probably half-past nine or ten. "Close the door."

"Something wrong?" she frowned doing what Leevanna indicated and conjuring a goblet to fill it with water at the thought of Aguamenti.

"Your cousin killed his father."

And Lhu spit her drink.

"He _what_?"

"Curious fact, don't ingest bay leaves if you don't want to die for poisoning," a sigh left Leevanna's lips as she handed the letter to Lhu.

Lhu's eyes moved quickly through the piece of paper before stopping and blinking. Leevanna knew she was reading the Dark Lord's part.

"So, bay leaves you say," Leevanna nodded and grabbed the letter once more before leaving Nix on her bed and grab her wand. "Well, finally."

"I know right?" she sighed. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Lhu sighed too. "Jut a bit shocked and — he is returning? How and _when_?"

"I don't know, doubt anyone but Death Eaters know when, where and how is going to happen," Lhu nodded at her words an sat on her own bed before supporting her face on her hands.

Leevanna muttered 'Incendio' and saw the letter levitate on the air while being consumed by the flames ending with the secret.

The door opened making the two turn to see who was it.

" _Buenas noches, señoritas_ ," greeted Theodore with an awful Spanish pronunciation while bowing to both girls.

"Nice pronunciation you've got there, Theo," Leevanna chuckled.

"I know, sweetheart," he winked playfully already seated on an armchair with his hands behind his head and right ankle over his left knee. "You crying because you killed someone and don't know how to hide the corpse?"

Lhu laughed harder and look up before shaking her head. "Hide a corpse is easy."

"Uh la, la, naughty girl," Theodore whistled making Leevanna roll her eyes smiling before turning and see Daphne and Pansy also entering the room.

"Is there a knees up and I didn't know?" she raised an eyebrow.

"We're just _bored_ ," huffed Pansy throwing herself face-down on Leevanna's bed.

"You were at Hogsmeade half-hour ago," the green-eyed frowned.

"Everything's the same," whined Daphne throwing herself on top of Pansy and covering her face with a pillow.

"—telling you, I'm _not_ shagging anyone."

"I know you're shagging, that bird was looking at you as if you were a dessert," Blaise said pointing back at the hallway.

A pale-blond boy rolled his eyes and shook his head in denial with his hands on his pockets.

Leevanna's cat jumped out of nowhere and threw himself into the blue-grey-eyed's face. Theodore burst into laughter just like Daphne and Pansy.

"For being a liar lad," laughed Blaise while Draco held the black animal to get him out of his face.

"Vaughan, control your beast!" he growled leaving the cat on her bed and walking towards the dressing table to see himself in the mirror. Not a single scratch, he was just dramatic.

"But he's lovely," she chuckled when the cat jumped and landed on her arms before she started walking. "You, grumpy thing, just like me, aren't you?" and her hand started caressing his hair. "My sweet boy, you just need affection from me, don't you? My love."

"I don't know if she's talking to Draco or her cat," said Daphne with a smile.

Leevanna made a grimace of disgust. "Why would I praise that beast?" and her finger pointed the blond.

"Are you calling _me_ a beast?" he frowned pointing himself. "Your thing there is a beast."

"He's lovely," she narrowed her eyes. "You're a prick who gets mad just because I beat him on a chess game."

"And you're a daft bitch who loses the plot when I attain highest notes on an examination," he smiled sarcastically.

Her eyes narrow even more and her cheeks grow rosy. "I didn't lose the bloody plot," and he raises an eyebrow while crossing his arms over his chest and an ankle over the other with his body leaned on the dressing table. "And you just got three points more because I was diverted."

The four pairs of eyes of the Slytherins moved to one side to another according who talked.

Draco sneered, "May I ask with _what_?"

"As if I would converse with you about what occurs in my day," she scoffed still caressing her cat's fur.

"I have an idea of what," he shrugs and she raises her chin raising both eyebrows.

"If you say to know, ought you say, don't you?"

He moistest his lips looking down before piercing her eyes with his. "Knowing you, you'll be think in how many blokes you'd have under your knickers tonight—"

"I do _not_ do such thing—"

"—maybe fake-crying to then owl my parents and make them be at your feet as always—"

"—are just _jealous_ they prefer me because having you as a son is _insufferable_ —"

"Four galleons they say I hate you," muttered Daphne.

"Five he shoves her off first," answered Lhu.

"—needs _attention_ , perhaps that's why you graft with so many blokes—"

"Six she does it first," Pansy joined.

"Deal."

"—piece of shite who can't stand someone being better—"

"—like the fucking cunt you fucking are—"

"Oh, he did _not_ ," muttered Pansy grabbing a few jelly slugs Theo had conjured.

"—needs his dear daddy for everything because you are a fucking pansy—"

"Uh, that hurt," said Blaise pouring Fire Whiskey on his glass.

"—no— _fucking_ —body is ever going to fucking satisfice you—"

"—are fucking never going to be much better than your father—"

Theo sucked air between his teeth. "Shit, man."

"—you are just a toy that passes for every—fucking—body's bed—"

"—a selfish wanker who's incapable of feeling and hurts everybody—"

"—nobody is going to _ever_ want a filthy whore like y—"

"How dare you to call me a whore, you fucking bastard—"

"I can call you however I bloody well want—"

"—because you _love_ to talk about me so fucking much—"

"—yeah, talking about a slag like you cheers my bloody day—"

"—fucking moronic prat—"

"What's happening?" muttered Astoria Greengrass frowning from the door.

"Sixth fight in two days," answered the four friends still with their eyes fixed on their friends. She had already let go off her cat and he had his hands in fists.

"And I don't fucking stand you either!"

"Good the feeling is bloody mutual! I fucking repulse you!"

"Fucking good you do it! You fucking disgust me!"

"I fucking hate you!"

"I fucking hate you, too!"

Both have their eyes narrowed. Faces rosy from rage and muscles tense. The air is dense. Rage mixed with hate. Heavy breathings. Chests going up and down. Irises moving.

Theo narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "Are you two shagging?"

Both broke their eye-contact in a second and turned their heads.

" _What?_ "

"The fucking tension," he shook his head and shuddered. "Sure you two—"

Draco grimaced. "I don't shag slags."

"And I don't shag with wankers," she wrinkled her nose crossing her arms while he narrowed her eyes at her.

Sweet, sweet lies.

"You snog Blaise."

" _Hey!_ "

"He's less prick than you are," she rolled her eyes holding her cat on her arms again before looking at the door. "Hello, Tory."

"Hi, Leev," she smiled to her before turning to see the blond and blush slightly. "Hi, Draco."

"Hullo," he answered unnoticed of her reaction and with a fag Daphne had given him between his lips.

"Is Tory blushed or s'my imagination?" whistled Theodore making Pansy chuckle and Astoria to blush even brighter while accommodating a hair behind her ear.

"I'm not blushed, Theo," she rolled her eyes.

"Wait — if you are blushed..." came Blaise's voice. "That means you are the one shagging Draco?"

"I'm not bloody shagging fucking anyone!" growled the blond hitting him with a pillow.

Astoria chuckled. "We aren't shagging, Blaise," she answered crossing her arms. "Anyway, Leev, can you help me with something?"

"That thing? Help you?" Draco laughed sarcastically and raised an eyebrow. "It's not like it has feelings."

"Did you just say _it_?" she frowned turning to see him.

"Yes," Draco smiled lighting the fag with his wand before upping his gaze to look at her. "Little beast."

"You bastard!"

"Wait a damn bloody minute," said Daphne sitting straight and pointing her sister. "You're asking _her_ to help you?" Astoria nodded slowly. "And what am I? A table?!"

"Daph, I love you and all, but you're not—" Astoria blushed furiously again. "Snogging with anyone..."

"You are _snogging_?!"

Leevanna chuckled. "Come on, Tory, tell me," she smiled walking towards her."

"If I were you," said Draco raising an eyebrow towards Daphne, "I wouldn't let her, she's going to convert her in a sla—"

And suddenly a bottle of perfume was flying toward him before smashing against the wall.

"You could've kill me!"

"That was the intention!"

It definitely wasn't.

She has just helped to cover a crime and didn't want another on her hands. Though she could act normal if she did it, she wouldn't be able to look at Narcissa in the eye.

The guilty would eat her alive from the inside.

The next day, when the Daily Prophet touches her hands at lunch and her eyes read the most recent new, she has to bite her tongue to not smile.

**BAY LEAVES' FATALITY — SUICIDE OR HOMICIDE?**

_Black we must wear and our prayers to say while seeing the climate change around us and the snow to freeze our bones._

_This early morning to our ears has come the devastating new of the recent death of the Onely's family member. Mr Quince Oneyl, older brother of Mr Aaron Onely, and former owner of Oneyl Group Association (company dedicated to finances and attached to Gringotts) has recently been found dead on his office._

_Motive of deceasing? Poisoning for direct ingestion of bay leaves._

_Mr Onely had previously eaten a plate of red spaghetti that contained no more than five of this herbs. The house-elves didn't have the time to get them out because Mr Oneyl had been eating dinner that week under his wife's orders._

_His only son, Mr Ashton Onely, wasn't in the house at the hour of the horrific event._

_Mrs Oriana Onely (neé Avery), however, had been travelling the day before and nobody in the house knew in what moment she had returned until her scream alerted the house-eleves — some of them said to have seen her silhouette wandering the house hours before dinner._

_The papers around Mr Onely's desk talked about marital finances and possibly thinking about a divorce. Other things the forensics found were documents related with data of Who-Must-Not-Be-Named._

_It results that Mr and Mrs Oneyl had fooled the Wizengamont many years ago and the recent fighting was about Mr Onely's refusal to participate at the Quidditch World Cup's manifestation as one of the Death Eaters._

_Though the new is very recent, the opinions about it, nonetheless, are variated._

_The autopsy revealed Mr Oneyl had been eating the bay leaves for days — detail confirmed by the kitchen elves — and his mental health wasn't the best these past weeks._

_On the other hand, the other theory goes saying Mrs Oriana Oneyl didn't want the divorce because she would be left in the streets — as the papers Mr Aaron had been checking — and without a knut._

_Very few people have knowledge about how dangerous bay leaves can be, and Mrs Oriana was curiously fond of Herbology._

_Young Ashton Oneyl, who didn't have any knowledge about the dark magic being practiced in his home, has decided not to give any comments in the topic and was present only for short time in his mother's trial for previous crimes and the accusation of being her husband's Angel of Death._

_He looks certainly devastated._

_And remember, dear readers, cautious with what you ingest and who you decide to be your chef._

— November 30, by **Rita Skeeter** , in **The Daily Prophet**.

**_____________**

Devastated.

_Ha!_

That bastard.

"My deepest condolences, Lhu," she said placing her hand over the brunette's across the table. She avoided rolling her eyes and smile, instead, some tears fell from her eyes.

"He was a great uncle," she sighed a kind of sob while wiping the salty water away.

Oh, the bloody _nerve_ both had.

Leevanna took a deep breath. "I'm here if you need anything," and she smiled pretending to he sad.

Well, one Death Eater less.

Deep breathes.

They tell us to take deep breathes every time we experiment with situations of stress or when we go to the doctor and they need to examine us to see what is wrong.

You're crying? Take a deep breathe, calm down and tell me what's wrong.

An anxiety crisis? Relax, I'm here, breathe.

Doctors appointment? I need you to take a deep breath for me. Inhale... Exhale... Again, please.

It's always that fucking word.

_Breathe._

Do the people even understand the phrase 'I can't breathe' or they have an intelligence quotient of bloody two?

A deep breath.

They hurt sometimes. Burn your lungs. Accompany tears and sobs. Break free from your lips when relief colonises you. Or maybe pain becomes a tyrant. It could be also when you try to suppress emotions or calm them.

Draco just took a deep breath. Imperceptible. His eyes closed before focusing on his father again, who keeps talking about school. He is tired of hearing the same bloody thing.

Even though his grades are slightly higher than Vaughan's recently, his father is asking for even higher ones. Asking for him to pass bloody Granger — as if that was possible.

"Who are you going to ask to the Yule Ball?"

The question makes him frown. _Ask._..? The _what_?

Ten seconds ago he had been talking about not letting anything distract him from his obligations and how he expected even more from him for the summer classes the next year and now he was asking about _dates_? What the bloody hell.

"The _what_?"

"The Yule Ball," he says again. Draco keeps being confused. "Severus hasn't told you anything?" Lucius frowns too and Draco shakes his head in denial. "Well, he would do soon."

"Is it important?" his arms crossed over his chest as he asked. He's familiar with big events and galas but hasn't heard anything like that — or doesn't recall.

"Of course it _is_ , Draco," says his father with obviousness. "Beauxbatons is here, and all the birds from Slytherin," his hands expand in a mimic and Draco has to move his body backwards to avoid being hit by his father's walking stick. "You could find your wife here."

_Woah, woah — hold your broom, old man. A what?_

Draco blinks.

"Father, I'm in _fourth_ year I—"

"And?" he raises an eyebrow resting both of his hands over the silver snake's head with emerald eyes again. "Your mother and I commenced our courtship almost at your age, perhaps one year older, but still."

_Yeah, that was in the nineteen sixties, mate._

"Yeah, but — I — I mean—" a blush now decors his cheeks.

 _—A wife? Isn't that a bit... Fucking_ soon _?_

"Think about your future, Draco, you need a witch, you can't be alone," Lucius proceeds, ignoring him. "Don't you fancy someone in this... school? I'm sure witches fancy you, I mean... You are a Malfoy, son."

His blush grows bigger and his eyes move to the sides to see if someone else has heard them. They're in a hallway after all. Near the garden where most students are conversing before after-lunch classes initiate.

He doesn't fancy anyone... He's just... _Snogging?_ How the bloody hell he could call what he does sometimes with the bloody bitch of Vaughan?

They aren't dating — _ew_ — and he does _not_ fancy her. He hates her. Really, really, really, _really_ hates her.

"I don't — I'm not courting anyone—"

"You don't need to _date_ , Draco, is only one night," his father rolls his eyes. "Just make sure you ask someone that is at your level."

Laughter makes Draco pass his eyes from his father to the persons behind. Lucius also turns around to see who is.

Vaughan.

With _fucking_ Diggory.

"I'm not riding it!" she snorts before covering her mouth with her hand seeing the persons in front of her. "Shut it, Hufflepuff," she mutters turning her head to look at her companion. "Hi, Mr Malfoy!" she greets cheerfully.

Lately, the bloody witch — as an insult — has been extremely energetic and spirited. Not even bloody Lovegood, God's sake.

And he wonders if...

"Leevy," says the blond man with the sweetness he never uses with Draco. A truthful smile also decors his face — smiles he doesn't dedicate to his own son. The blond rolls his eyes when the green-eyed stands on tiptoes to kiss his father's cheeks.

"This is Cedric Diggory," she says and both men nod in greeting "One of the champions."

"Ah, yes, Diggory's son," says Lucius, and Draco remembers Diggory's father's friends of Weasley's. He knows his father doesn't like him. And she seems to notice that, because gives two steps away from the Hufflepuff. Draco smirks faintly. "Forgive me, mademoiselle, but in this opportunity, I haven't brought you any flowers."

She chuckles grabbing the edges of her robes to bend in greeting when Lucius does it. He loves greeting her as she was a kind of princess.

Everyone does it. Everyone fucking _kneels_ at her fucking feet and fucking kisses them.

Draco's jaw clenches and he doesn't know why anger becomes a tyrant inside him.

"Doesn't matter, loyal and dear knight, your presence is the most enjoyable gift," and then she laughs again at their funny way to interact. "Did Cissy liked the birthday gif I sent?"

"She loved it," Lucius answers before leaving a kiss on her forehead.

"Well, I have class, Cedric was walking me," she smiles. "See you soon, Lucius."

"See you soon, my dear princess," Lucius nods at Diggory and her.

"Mr Malfoy... _Malfoy_ ," Diggory says nodding at the two before continue walking with Leevanna.

Father and son keep quiet for a second before Draco returns his attention to Lucius.

"Is Diggory courting her?" he asks and Draco shrugs.

"Blaise also walks her and others do too," he answers. "Why?"

"Nothing," Lucius says looking at her with vaguely narrowed eyes before looking at him. "How's your relationship with her?"

Draco blinks and opens his mouth only to shut it before responding, "We do not have a relationship—"

Lucius rolls his eyes, "I meant if you two play nicely with each other, Draco."

"Oh — y-yeah...?" he frowns.

"She's pretty, isn't she?" his eyes look at her one more time, and he looks... So bloody _proud_.

Draco felt sick.

And the rage grows so bloody fast inside him.

Proud. He's bloody proud of her being pretty. As if that was the biggest of the bloody achievements in life. He could be bloody proud for something else though, but for being pretty? _Really?_

Holy hell, who was he even fooling? His father would be proud of her even if she had a nasty scar parting her face, all her hair scorched and rotten teeth.

But with Draco? _Ha._

He was sure his father would prefer rather being a Mudblood than say he was proud of his own son. Bloody hell, if it was possible he would make Vaughan his daughter and make him a house-elf — surely he wouldn't have the luck Dobby had.

He fucking _hates_ her.

"Draco... _Draco_ ," he came out to reality hearing his father's voice. "I asked you if you find Leevy pretty."

The blond blinked. Was he really asking him if he — bloody hell. "I mean — yeah, I guess..."

"You seem distracted, Draco," Lucius frowned.

"I have an essay to do," he answered quickly. A lie. He'd finished all his homework hours ago. Lucius nodded not so convinced but deciding to believe in him anyway.

"Think about what I said," Draco nods and his father does it again before leaving the place.

Draco turns his head and, while he walks, his eyes fix on Diggory doing the same bow his father did when he leaves Vaughan at the entrance of the Ancient Ruins' classroom. His next class too.

So he keeps walking. With his jaw clenched and fury emanating from his body as if a fragrance it was when Diggory's lips touch Vaughan's cheek.

What's so _special_ about her? All the people is always fucking behind her. Kissing the ground she fucking steps. Like a fucking Queen.

Always _her_. It's always fucking _her_. Everyone talks about her. Even in his bloody tomato soup he sees her.

Fucking hell.

Hours later he's clenching his jaw yet again before drinking his glass of firewhiskey in one. He has discovered it tastes better that way. When he's irritated and infuriated.

The emerald and dark blue strobe lights reflect on him and the music resonates in his ears like drums inside him that make his brain throb at the pain. The air is filled with hints of weed and other substances he doesn't want to know the name of — alcohol's aroma is also fluttering.

Sweaty figures are jumping and dancing every single place his eyes see. Crowding and knocking into another. Voracious fits of euphoric and erotic outbursts. Short gowns and loose shirts. Heads bobbing among the multitude feeling the music. There are also people like him, talking quietly standing in a corner or seated on a couch. People doing drugs. Some others are shagging or snogging.

It's a euphoric catastrophe. As always.

The size of the Slytherin common room is fortunately enormous enough to host almost all Hogwarts. He doesn't doubt there are also people in the hallways that guide to the girls' and boys' dorms. Everybody knows they have to lock their doors when events like this happen.

If you need a room, you use yours — obviously casting a Disillusionment and Muffliato charm to not have problems or inconveniences with dorm-mates.

And he thinks it'd be a good idea to have his own private room — like some others Slytherins have because the dungeons are bloody big. He hates hearing footsteps in the middle of the night or snorts. And if he wants to shag someone, he wouldn't have to use bloody charms.

It would have been a good idea to stay in his dorm tonight. The pain is killing and his internal rage isn't helping him at all.

Another goblet of Fire Whiskey. The fifth, maybe.

When his hand enters the pocket of his trousers and touches a little plastic bag, through his mind's eye passes the recent memory of Fred giving him Muggle weed with a dosis of alprazolam.

It doesn't have the effect on him — because Muggle drugs don't do the same effect in a magical metabolism, he has read about it. He wasn't going to do something without knowing about it, he isn't stupid — but it does something at least. Soothes his brain. Stops the intrusive thoughts. Tranquillises his anxiety and panic. Relieves the exhaustion.

The study table behind him is empty and has been left in oblivion, the lights barely reaches it. He leaves his glass there. His hand takes out the bag and he opens it. Place it on a tray isn't the objective tonight. If he can ameliorate the headache now, he's not going to waste time.

He takes his index finger to his mouth to lick it before entering it into the plastic bag and let the sand stick to his wet skin. Once that's done, he takes his finger to his mouth one more time.

The powder making contact with his tongue makes it tingle and prickle. As if little fireworks were exploding against the moisture of his tongue. The soothing quickly reaches his brain and he feels relaxed finally.

He repeats the procedure a few times more to end with all the powder inside the bag. It only takes minutes.

His hand makes contact with the now cold glass and he takes it to his mouth to drink it.

Suddenly the place goes dark.

Red and dark blue lines of light. Bright. So fucking bright and strong. Neon. Strobing. Pretty.

It reflects every now and then on the jumping silhouettes. They let see the faces of the people, parts of their bodies. Green fine lines traverse, appear and disappear, go down, go up, shake.

He sees _her_.

Jumping. Throwing her head backwards and moving her hips. Her hands going up her thighs. Her curls lifting in slow motion.

He sees her in slow motion.

How the strobe lights illuminate and withdraw her body. The way her eyes are closed and lips semi parted. The edges of her gown lifting. How she brushes her skin.

With his hands in his pockets and head leaned on the column behind him, he stares at her. How she moves and the lights reflect.

And she's like his fucking own personal alprazolam.

Her image repeats on his brain. It numbs him.

When her eyes open, she stops jumping.

She is seeing him.

Her hair's messy, tangled by the sides of her face and all her forehead has bubbles of sweat.

A playful smirk appear across her face and her finger starts playing one of her curls. He crosses one ankle over the other and raises an eyebrow.

Salazar he _hates_ her.

He fucking does.

Out of nowhere, hands surround her waist and she stumbles slightly before moving her neck to let the wizard behind him kiss her skin.

He goes tense.

His whole body goes fucking _tense_.

And she never stops staring at him.

Teasing him.

Her hands caress the arms around her before going up slowly and surround the man's neck. One of the bastard's hands goes down her thigh, caresses the inner part of it, clenches around it and his hand is now parting it to open her.

She throws her head backwards with her eyes closed. Letting herself be touched by someone who isn't bloody him.

Her eyes open again and her head moves for the idiot to kiss the other part of her neck. One of his hands press one of her breasts and goes back to surround her waist.

Emeralds fixed on thunderstorms.

It sends lightings throughout his body. Flames of rage he can't control and practically can feel how they emanate from his body like an aura.

That bloody smirk appears in her face again.

'You don't know me at all', that's its fucking meaning. He hates it. How her pretty lips can form a smile that is so bitter and mean.

She's bloody enjoying it.

But he knows how to bloody play.

His hand grabs the arm of a Beauxbatons bird he doesn't know the name of but knows her hair's blonde. She jumps agains him and his hands grab her waist the way they do when he kisses her.

Now he's the one with the smirk across his face while hers fades away slowly. The bastard behind her keeps touching her.

So he keeps touching the witch in front of him. His lips leaving a faint kiss or two on her neck. She has her hands on his hair. He smiles against her skin. His eyes never leave the emeralds piercing him.

She wanted to play?

Good, he was going to play too.

The blonde turned around and didn't waste time on start kissing his jawline and cheeks in seek for his lips.

But he doesn't let her do that. Doesn't want to do it. The taste of cherry is fading and if he savours another it won't last.

His hands go up and down her waist and thighs. Caressing her not so smooth skin and letting the witch's hands travel all him.

The bastard behind her keeps touching her. She's trying to pay attention and correspond to keep playing, but he knows she isn't enjoying it anymore.

_Losing the game, Vaughan?_

He chuckles to himself and, with one hand almost squeezing the blonde's arse, he grabs her jaw and smirks at the green-eyed in front of him one las time before taking his eyes off hers to direct them to the blonde.

The lights play at his favour.

His lips almost touching hers. They are sharing breaths.

And he doesn't even brush her.

" _Ton petit ami vient d'arriver, ma chérie_ ," he whispers in her ear and nods imperceptibly at one bloke he has seen kiss her before.

" _Ne dis rien_ —"

" _Ne t'inquiète pas_ ," she nods and he lets her go, losing her between the crowd and lights.

When he looks straight again, she isn't there anymore.

The lights go back to how they were before at the same time the effect of the drug inside him abandons his body at once.

Ah, shite.

"Come, old grandpa," says Theodore laughing, he is a bit more pissed. Draco turns his head before leaning the back of it on the wall behind him. "They're spinning the bottle."

"Bori—"

"You are boring," Theo rolls his eyes and grabs his arm to drag him to the kind of circle they had made on the couches.

His eyes caught Vaughan again. She's now in the middle of Blaise and Fred Weasley, Diggory was on the floor and her legs over his shoulders while his head rested on her lap. They were doing opium from a long tube. Pulling the drug and then laughing. Her eyes catch him for a second but then Fred gets her attention.

She's wearing a loose, sky-blue, v-neck, spaghetti straps gown that barely reached the half of her thighs and had a fine belt of the same colour and material around her waist. It was practically a négligé.

He scoffed.

_Cunt._

"This is childish," huffs Draco falling on the couch in front of Vaughan. He's next to Theodore.

"They say oldies are goldies, mate," Theo laughs before Pansy spins the bottle.

Diggory and Millicent kiss. It's small and quick. Draco knows they have done it before.

The second time Pansy spins the bottle it points to herself and Daphne. They smirk before Pansy grabs her vest friend's cheeks and kisses her. Daphne laughs.

Draco's jaw keeps being clenched. His eyes close when a throbbing pain like a crown in his head appears after being under the emerald green and dark blue lights all this time. When his eyes open again Vaughan is kissing Blaise.

The bottle spins again. And her lips meet a Durmstrang boy's he hadn't notice it was with them before.

Rounds keep passing, he sees her kiss more people between rounds. Very odd combinations between other people make him raise his eyebrows and chuckle against his fist — like the one Adrian Pucey and Cho Chang make.

Fortunately, the bottle hasn't pointed him yet. He's so bloody grateful for that.

His eyes catch her kissing another person. This time is Diggory. The bottle spins again and she kisses Pansy.

And he looks away. The firewhiskey makes contact with his tongue feeling a familiar thing growing in his body. A Durmstrang boy behind him asks him from where he has found firewhiskey and Draco points to a table. When his eyes fixed on her again she's looking at him before turning to Blaise.

Draco stands up giving Theo the excuse of going to the bathroom. He's tired and the throb in his head is killing him again — bad thing alprazolam can't last forever. He stops a second near the table and leaves his glass on it, catching her kissing somebody else from the corner of his eye.

He has seen her kiss enough people that night. _Enough_ from it.

So he walks out of the dungeons. Nobody's in the hallways and probably the Prefects and Head girls and boys are in the Slytherin party.

The sight of the Boathouse makes him sigh, the secret entrance the dungeons have for it's a bloody gift.

His anger is growing like waves and he doesn't know why — or doesn't want to admit it. His head hurts like a bitch and his body does too. The words of his father are still in his head, the school stuff and the wife thing, she dancing with some other sod that wasn't him.

He feels so fucking pressured all the time. Feels tense and needs to find a way to get rid of the sour taste in his mouth and the tension. Needs to get rid of the pain. Of the memories.

With his head and body leaned on the wooden wall behind him and his arms crossed over his chest he also crosses his left ankle over the other one to try and Occlude. Needs to do so.

His eyes fall close tightly and his jaw clenches.

He's trying but can't. Something bothers him. Doesn't let him think.

He knows what is it. The images of it reproducing in his mind. Hands. Jumping. Curls. Kisses. Pink lips. Spinning bottle. Green eyes.

Fucking hell. With her.

When he's about to shove the lid of the trunks to lock them and throw them to the sea, he gets distracted.

"Daft bitch," a voice mutters and then laughs before a deep sound makes him open his eyes.

Oh, the universe fucking hates him.

This has to be a bloody joke.

She has fallen on her knees and hands, her hair covering her face before she chuckles again. Her hands slid until she is just kneeling.

"Oh — sup," she laughs while standing up. "Whatcha doin'?"

Her elegant vocabulary isn't there anymore. She doesn't usually use abbreviations like the rest of people.

Draco sighs. "Escaping," he says seeing her lit a fag with her wand. "You've got an addiction, don't you?"

She chuckles again and from her mouth smoke escapes. "I 'ave more 'ven dangerous," her lips let out a sigh and she looks at him. Wonders if he caught the meaning.

Somehow knows he didn't. She's happy though. Prefers it that way.

"Are ya alright?" she asks when his eyes close again. He breathes out a laugh and turns his head to the side before looking at her again.

He doesn't know why but he's fucking furious. With her. With everything. With himself.

"Just 'cause we kissed doesn't mean you're my psychologist now," he says bitterly. His eyes piercing hers. But she doesn't wince. Her eyes become ice too. Now she's in a defensive mood.

"Someone's lost the plot," she mutters cooing and her eyes roll while lighting another fag.

"What was that?" he frowns.

"What?" she bites out. "I cannot make comments? Didn't know you owned my words' willing, Malfoy."

He scoffs and his look becomes stone. "Why don't you go back to the party? Sure the majority's waiting for a blow job."

"Excuse me?" she breathes out a sarcastic laugh making the smoke leave her mouth. "D'you've got a problem, Malfoy?"

"With you?" his ginger points her. Arms still crossed. "'Course I do," his tone is bitter. "But you can leave, or you already did your jobs?"

"What's wrong with ya?"

" _Nothing_."

She laughs sarcastically and her footsteps on the fag to turn it off. "Listen to—"

"Why should I listen to a whore?" his eyebrow raises.

And she shoves him off. His body makes a deep sound when colliding rudely against the wood. Her being plastered isn't even a factor anymore. She's very well in all her senses.

"I fucking told you to _NEVER_ call me that way again!" he unfolds his arms and acquires a defensive position.

"Or _what_?" he shoves her off too. "Did you think because I let your lips touch mine something was going to change between us?" he breathed out another laugh. " _Whore_."

She slaps him hard enough to make him bleed due to her rings.

He turns his head quickly, grabbing her wrists tightly to keep her still.

*

"Told you _not_ to hit me again," voice tone low, dangerous. Hard eye-contact. Her face grows red from anger and gets off his grip.

"Seems you're not the only one doing something he's not supposed to," and his hand wraps around her throat. Her head collides with her wood. "Don't _fucking_ touch me."

"Why? The others do it, don't they?" her eyes narrow at him. "Like the sod behind you when you were jumping like the little desperate cunt you are."

"And the slag you were shagging?" her cheeks grow rosy from rage. "Does she moves like I do?"

"Like a whore?" he raises an eyebrow. "Sure she does, can't compete with you, of course."

"Fucking bastard—"

"You like playing the game, Vaughan?" her breath hitches under his own. "Or you just like pissing me off?"

"Stop it—"

"They do this to you too?" his hand wraps tighter and her hand grabs his wrist.

"Let. Me. _Go_ ," she bites out trying to push me.

Breaths colliding. Dense air. Tension.

His other hand slides up her thigh and grabs her hip tightly. "Sure the twat of Diggory's done this," he says and she gulps when the cold air collides with her bare skin. "You let him go under your knickers too, Vaughan? Or that's Blaise?"

"Get _off_ me!" she yells when he glues her to him. "Stop it, Malfoy!"

"Tell me, Vaughan, do they whisper your name?" he breathes near her lips. "They kiss you as I do?"

"This _isn't_ fun, Malfoy!" her tone flickers with fear. "You're _hurting_ me—"

"Fucking tell me, Vaughan," he growls against her lips. "D'you moan as you do with me? Huh? Or that's only for me?" his lips met hers roughly, bitting her, making her release a gasp soaked in fear. "Yeah? Am I right, you little slag?"

_"Help!" she cries. "Please! Sto—oh—op!"_

_Hands exploring private places. Tears running down. Screams. Nobody listens._

He keeps kissing her. Angrily. She's trying to push him away. She cannot do it. She — she's — she's panicking — _fear_ —

His lips found her neck. "Does Blaise kiss you here? Or fucking Terance does? Who more are you fucking? Pucey? Montague? Half Durmstrang?" she cries between the raw kiss and his hands travel all her body, hurting her. She doesn't succeed in pushing him. "Yeah? They and who more, you whore?"

"Stop it," she gaps in a sob when his mouth tries to catch hers.

"Don't you like it? That's who the slags do it, don't they?" she feels so small and defenceless. Is fucking terrified. Consumed like wax against fire. "You like it rough, Vaughan?"

" _STOP IT!_ "

*

She feels her magic exploding like fireworks out of her and the burning smell invades her nostrils at the same time a powerful currents travels within her, managing to shove Malfoy off her and send him to the other side.

Her cheeks are damp. Salty water's full of panic. Body shaking. She can barely keep on her feet.

The Boathouse is on fire thanks to her magic. The wood is burning. Being consumed by her terror.

"Don't you _EVER_ —" she gaps a sob. "Don't you ever fucking touch me again, Malfoy!"

And with that, she cleans her lips with her writs' reverse while walking — running away. Away from him.

He huffs and passes a hand through his hair in exasperation before slamming the wall in front of him.

What the hell was he thinking — now — she was fucking _crying_ — scared. Terrified of _him_.

_Well done, Malfoy._

His hand founds his wand and flicks it at the thoughts of Aguamenti and Reparo.

"Fuck," he whispers supporting his forehead on the wall with his hands by the sides of it.

The wicked and twisted game they'd been playing had gone too far.

And that was on his own.

He just wants to run away.

Never come back.

Running away.

It means freedom.

Escaping from the pain. The memories. Actions. Things people do to you. The routine. Your thoughts.

Seeking liberty in a world where you can barely breathe without negative energy pumping inside you. It causes you nausea, leaving in a world like this. So full of wrong things. Wrong feelings and moments. Unspoken words for many were implores that died against pieces of fabric or a hand's skin.

It hurts.

 _Breathe_.

Burns.

Consumes you. Leaves you in ashes from the previous fire explosion.

Hurts. The wound it produces.

She has run away millions of time. Due to fear. A game maybe. But surely the second one was many years ago. She runs away most of the time because she's scared.

That is the main reason for most things, isn't it? Being terrified. Emanating panic like a fragrance.

She sees sevens everywhere that are triggered for that feeling. Forms a knot in her throat. Sees the red from clotted blood, it drowns her.

She had run as fast as she could after Malfoy did what he did. After _he_ _hurt_ her.

She was scared of _him_.

Blaise had found her next to Daphne, both had taken her to her room where she had an anxiety and panic attack. They had called Lhu, who asked them to leave the room and then cast a Muffliato spell to prevent the sound of the party to scare her even more.

Leevanna had been so fucking terrified.

Calming her took hours. Three maybe.

Lhu then had taken her to the bathtub and helped her to wash her body completely. She did it with so much carefulness. Hearing her cry and sob while clinging to her clothes.

She didn't ask though, what had happened to her. She wasn't going to do it either. She knew Leevanna wasn't going to talk.

The next day Lhu used Obliviate with Blaise and Daphne. It would be the best. She knew it.

Leevanna had spent her day in silent. Eating little and with a book in front of her. Lhu knew though, that she wasn't reading. Her green eyes showed. She was lost in her sea of thoughts. It was okay. She didn't disturb her.

The green-eyed just needed time. To think. To decide. To ignore everything.

The memory of what has happened two days ago by this time still keeps her up at night. She's tried to not think about it but all is balls-up.

First, she has the sweetness and gentleness of the other times they... They kissed. Then she has this new memory. A horrible one.

Sitting on her bed she has an empty fags' package. It would help her.

She closes her eyes after reading Lhu's note saying she'd sleep in Pansy and Daphne's dormitory. She has to extremely concentrate to do what she's planning to.

Inside her mind's eye, she sees the fags' package. She is seated in a blank space. Her hands grab a paper and think about the Astronomy Tower's night. She rolls the paper, wrapping his words and laugh with it. The first fag is on the package.

Another paper's on her hand. She wraps the stupid question she made and his also stupid answer. Second fag on the package.

The third one is their kiss. The way of it. It's meaning. She wraps it furiously and puts it in the package rudely. Huffs.

Another paper. First is confusing but then a breeze that's a whisper reminds her what she must do. She has to combine. Merge the memories.

Her sobs and implores make an echo in her blank space. Makes her close her eyes. She wraps the things he said to her with it. Wraps how he treated her. The things he did. She can feel the ghost of his hands and lips. The whisper of his breath. Her magic exploding. Currents of feelings.

She has to wrap two fags because of the weight of the memories. She sighs. Now is done. Everything is wrapped and in the package. It's okay now.

Her hand grabs the fags' package and the abysm forms in front of her. As deep and dark as she remembers. The package falls from her hand into the darkness. The feelings drain from her, fade away from her skin. It rains. They're tears.

According to the drops fall, the abysm closes itself. Her sign to go back.

When her eyes open again the room feels cold. She's cold. Ice. Winter. Ice floes. Snow.

Her gaze fixes on the fags' package. If she's ice, she needs to burn it to get rid of it. Opposite poles. If ice keeps and freezes, fire burns and extinguishes. So she grabs it next to another that's full.

A small, transparent bottle of alprazolam catches her attention when she opens the drawer of her nightstand to take out her wand. She hasn't taken those pills for months now — and she should have.

She takes two of the little pills and takes them to her mouth. They are better in this way than in a potion.

With wand in hand, she leaves her dormitory in the Black Lake's direction. She'd have a bonfire tonight.

It's half-past one and the stars seem opaque from the clouds that are floating. She sighs again while walking down the hill and conjuring a black, long and thick cardigan to protect herself from the wind.

The grass is cold too. The waters are calm and the clouds prevent the moonlight hit it. She leaves the package in front of her and thinks 'Icendio' to make a bonfire. With the tip of her wand, she lights the fag from the other package before grabbing it between her index and middle fingers to pull it away from her mouth.

The smoke is grey. But she isn't in pain. Maybe it's the feeling of emptiness what resonates inside her. She pushes it away and conjures a fine stick with those Muggle fluffy, white sweets Lhu once gave her and now she loves.

The fire that consumes the package turns the border of the sweet golden-brown. When it melts against her mouth she whimpers lowly in pleasure and her eyes roll back. It tastes like fireworks exploding. She conjures more of the fluffy sweets with a bowl and uses the stick to roll them over the fire.

She sighs when the twenty-five and last sweet enters her digestive system and lights another fag to change the flavour in her mouth. The smoke that leaves her is clearer.

Grass crouching under shoes make her retain the drag in her lungs until the person sits by her side.

She gives him the fag and his fingers barely brush her when he takes it.

"You shouldn't forgive me," he sighs lowly, giving her the fag back.

"But that isn't on you, is it?" she says before taking a long drag to retain her in her lungs and then release it seconds later. "Tell me a reason."

"I _hurt_ you," he says receiving the fag.

"A lot of people have done it," she says.

"I was out of myself," he says. "I was angry but I shouldn't have treated you like that," the corner of her eye catches the smoke merging with the wind. "I shouldn't — I _attacked_ you as if you — as if you were a—"

"A whore?" she raised an eyebrow smiling playfully but weakly.

"Vaughan."

"You did," she nods slowly and giving him the fag. "Sure you shouldn't do it again."

"I shouldn't be near you."

"And why are you here then?"

"Because I can't keep away from you."

"Look at that, same," she says playfully before both hit fists and he breathes out a laugh. "And you can be near me, you made a promise."

"You want _me_ to touch you after what I did? After I _hurt_ and attacked you just because I was mad?"

She shrugs. "I'm a masochist."

"You were crying. _Really crying_."

"It's okay, Malfoy."

"It _isn't_."

"Yes, it _is_ ," she nods again.

"Why?"

"Because I say so," she shrugs and smiles when he laughs again.

"It's okay then," he sighs. "It's fine."

She sighs and her head falls on his shoulder. Eyes fixed on the now shining stars and bright moonlight. His hand starts caressing her hair and she can close her eyes. "It just a bad memory now... _Just a memory_."

And the empty package keeps burning. Fire consuming memories.


	9. Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains sexual content. x

"A ball?"

"A ball."

"Quiet," Snape said neutrally as he positioned himself in the middle of the Slytherin common room. "The Yule Ball is a tradition of the Triwizard tournament and while I disagree that you, teenagers full of rambunctious hormones are less than half a meter away," he continued as he paced the places where the students from 4th year up, "professor Dumbledore has asked us, house teachers, to teach you how to dance so you don't make a fool of yourselves," he ended giving Goyle a hit with his book for eating candy. "More than you already are."

And while most of the Slytherin girls were beginning to mutter about what they would wear and who they thought their dates would be, a girl with green eyes was petting her cat in a corner of the sofa she was sitting on without any particular emotion. She was bored, just that.

A few seconds after the music started playing, Snape paired up some students to teach them how to dance — he hit several with a book for stepping on his feet.

"Theodore!" exclaimed Lhu when the boy started doing a strange dance.

"What? Pansy is enjoying it!" He laughed seeing how the black-haired covered her face with her hands to stop laughing.

And when Leevanna was about to join her housemates, a dark-skinned boy approached her.

"Want to dance?" Blaise Zabini asked the girl in a flirtatiously way, but she rolled her eyes in annoyance. In the last week, the boy had glued her like bubblegum again and that had her more stressed than ever.

Actually, he had been the only boy who had stuck to her like a fucking gum after the seven bloody times she had refused to have sex. None of the boys had glued to her, none of them — they just approached her when they found her alone and talk a little or apologised for scaring her. She found that a bit funny, it was as if they had committed the worst sin of all.

But Blaise... He was one of her friends — if she could call the weird gang she had with Lhu, Pansy, Theo, Draco and him by that name — and was weird when he tried to touch her or be near her. He was clearly a gentleman when he wanted to be, always treating the rest good and staying out of line if the subject wasn't his business. But with Leevanna had been a bit different, he still respects her, that was good, but she didn't want to be with him and he didn't seem to catch it sometimes.

Another thing was that Leevanna knew Pansy was starting to like him or something like that — or so she had said to Lhu, Daphne and her a few weeks ago — and Leevanna did not want to have problems with her. She was tired of fighting with people.

But Blaise just did not give up. That scared her because sometimes he brushed her too rough. He was not a creepy stalker either, he just wanted for her to let him touch her.

The few weeks they had been snogging and all before returning school had been more fun — enjoyable, but now... Now she didn't want it anymore.

"Fuck off, _yeah_?" she said huffing and standing up from the couch.

She had also already stopped flirting with every boy that came across her, for her own sake and to be able to spend time alone with her brain, but Blaise didn't seem to understand — even tho she had said to him that she did not want to 'flirt' anymore —, she had thrown him out of her room fucking seven bloody times in a row when he tried to touch her, wasn't that fucking enough? Why he did not just give up?

Leaving The Bubblegum — how she had decided to call him — aside and as her nose and cheeks acquired a little rosy tone when she saw a certain blond rolling his eyes as Theodore made a joke, she could not help and think about the last time they had talked. They had not talked about since then or even stare at each other directly.

It was fine though — at least she was fine with it because she was trying to decide whether she wanted to let her emotions control her or go back to build ice walls around her. More than she already had constructed.

She was hoping that her brain decided to send a signal as an answer to her thousands of questions, to make that messy puzzle inside her not to make sense again. She was hoping that she would choose the ice walls, she wanted to choose them, she was fine with them, she loved them, but — she just—

Her lips tingled feeling the ghost of his touch, his intoxicating aroma and his delicate hands tracing up her skin.

She shook her head and caressed the head of her cat with gentleness as she gave the cat a soft smile before heading to her shared dorm.

On the 12th of December, Cedric Diggory approached Leevanna to ask for help with Cho Chang, the girl he was going to ask to be his date — with who he wished to go.

"You know I suck at this," he implored pouting.

"Yeah, yeah, and I'm a fish," the green-eyed one laughed for a few seconds before starting to write a few sentences on a piece of parchment before handing it to the brunet.

The truth was that, actually, Cedric was _very good_ at seducing girls — that's why most of his house and others like him — but he really, _really_ liked Cho and he knew Leevanna wrote beautiful poems — although he was not going to tell the Asian girl one, he wanted a special way to ask her to be his date.

"Do you already have a date for the dance?" he asked with a smile while resting one of his hands on the tree branch above her — not to close, not too far, just how she liked.

"Not yet," she confessed with a smile. "But go get your girl Diggory, or she is going to gouge my eyes out with a chopstick and make me sushi," she said making the boy laugh.

"You are the best," he said goodbye giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Leevanna sighed in relief when his touch left her.

The fact that he had been the only one of the boys, with whom she had had little affairs, who had not forced her to do something that she did not want to do, had made them a kind of friends.

But her good mood was gone when Blaise appeared in front of her with a green necklace.

"No," she replied, leaving the place. "And I don't even like green," she said already halfway as he tried to keep up with her.

When he was going to leave her alone? She just wanted to be left alone with her messy thoughts.

༄

"You're definitely the best," George Weasley told her, taking her hand and giving her a dance spin three days later when he found the girl in a hallway.

She was not pushing people anymore — well, she was trying not to push people.

"Lhu said yes?" the girl asked laughing while the redhead gave her another spin. All the week she was giving advice to the boys or girls who asked for it.

Some of the boys who had been with her had also asked — she made internal jokes about that saying that first, they had to be with her before they found the correct one. She would not say it out loud tho. Her internal jokes were just for herself and no one else.

"If she said yes?" joked Fred Weasley appearing out of nowhere and lifting the girl by the waist to give her spin in the air — she shuddered and put her hands over his as she asked with her gaze for him to release her, which he did. "They were about to ask for marriage."

"And Angelina?" asked the girl raising an eyebrow playfully leaving the redhead speechless.

"Do you already have a date?" inquired George as she shook her head in response. "It's only a week away," he reminded her as they both walked with the girl, she just shrugged.

And it really did not matter to her, she was fine with it, she really was. She was even thinking about not going.

Draco and she had talked, a bit, just simple words when he showed something to her. Though it was no big deal.

She was still debating what the hell she should do: ice walls or emotions.

On the 20th of December, Blaise Zabini sat next to the green-eyed one and put an arm around her shoulders, she tried to get away but he held her stronger and stronger.

And that really made Leevanna be scared.

He was using too much pressure, too much rudeness.

Lhu wasn't with her, George Weasley had taken her for a walk, so she was on her own.

"You put one bloody hand on me again and I swear you don't count the next one," the green-eyed one threatened angrily pulling the boy's hand off her thigh and standing up from the seat.

She did not like to be touched.

"Come on, you used to love it," he told her, standing up and trying to place a hand on her cheek, but she walked away quickly and sat down again to continue her reading. "You are so fucking boring," he said looking her up and down in disgust. "Everything they say about you is a lie, you don't even let yourself be touched."

_You don't know fucking anything about what has happened to me._

"And am I supposed to be offended by your comment...?" She replied without taking her eyes off her book. "I'm not the one sticking around like gum," she continued as she stood up from her seat. Several students had stopped their activities to listen to the drama. Then the brunet raised a hand, but the girl stopped it with hers before he could touch her cheek.

From where she had taken out that strength to do it and not simply be hit? She did not know.

"You can't keep your fucking mouth shut, that's the problem," Blaise said, wriggling out of her grip and grabbing his things.

"And you can't keep your cock hard," she replied with a raised eyebrow and running the tip of her tongue over one of her fangs. And while the others tried to contain their laughter, the dark-skinned boy left the place completely humiliated.

Leevanna bit her lower lip as she watched Malfoy leap down from the tree he was sitting on and approach her. "Come to the ball with me."

She rolled her eyes in amusement and nodded."See you there, Malfoy," she told him before leaving.

༄

"She looks  _so gorgeous_ ."

"Who's her date?"

"Where did she get that dress?"

"Ugh, so envious, I would bloody kill to be her."

"She's always been pretty but, tonight? Woah."

"Fucking _Queen_."

Leevanna Vaughan's heels echoed on the concrete stairs accompanying the girl's graceful walk, each step she took attracting more stares. Her loose, lightly curled hair adorned her face and the beautiful dress she was wearing contrasted unrealistically with her soft and pale skin. She only wore a long and thick black eyeliner and cherry gloss as makeup. Hands covered with long gloves.

She was so nervous.

The green-eyed had tried thousands of hairstyles and makeups but she didn't like any of those. All were too pompous or too poor. The final result had been her hair loose and with soft spiral curls. She had used the same charm on it and her dress to put a kind of glitter and give it 'highlights'.

She'd taken etiquette classes and such, she knew how to behave in celebrations like this but — nobody had taught her the nerves and anxiety would be this way. Nobody had taught her how it was supposed to be with a date.

She was about to faint. Wants to throw up. Feels overwhelmed.

Too many gazes.

Is about to grab the end of her dress and run to anywhere but the Great Hall. She really is about to start running away from there.

Maybe she has time—

_No_ , her conscience snapped.  _ Be brave . _

So she keeps descending the stairs making her heels resonate lightly.

Draco Malfoy turned his gaze upon hearing people speak and that's when he saw her there, so unreal and untouchable. He felt his problems slip into the background and it was just her and him at the moment.

Somehow her hair shined like never before, it looked even softer and silky. Gods, he wants to touch it so fucking bad. Her pale skin also had a kind of glow and he almost could get intoxicated in its near fragrance.

And he feels fucking scum at her sight. He doesn't deserve her. Doesn't deserve to look at her right now.

For a moment he thinks she's looking for someone else. That a better man's waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs to led her inside the Great Hall. That maybe someone else's about to take her hand, a touch she chose willingly.

But she chose _him_. She chose to take his hand and let him led her inside.

_Why_ she had done that? He had hurt her and she — and she had forgiven him.

That silly girl. She asked the dragon to be gentle. And the dragon wants to burn her. To make her cry. Wants to consume her to nothing. Keep her hidden from the rest. The dragon wants to chain her to him.

But also wants to take care of her. Wants to make her smile. To touch her as nobody else has done. Wants to let her be free. The dragon wants to make her his. His treasure. His possession.

When he's about to walk at the bottom of the stairs and extend his hand for her, the people starts walking towards the inside, blocking his view of her.

Leevanna's pulse starts accelerating and her cheeks flush helplessly when her eyes cannot catch a blond head. Doesn't know where is he.

She walks towards the inside still looking for him. The persons compliment how pretty she looks, only receiving a 'Thank you, you too' or a nod. Doesn't ask for him because an idea just crossed her mind.

At the other side of the Great Hall, Draco adjust the bottoms of his left sleeve while still looking for her and seeing the people form a kind of half-moon to let the Champions dance.

His eyes pass throughout the place until an original hair colour catches his attention. She's just turned her head and her eyes met his. And he tries to walk towards her but gets lost again when the persons look for a couple once the music starts reaching its end.

And her height isn't the most helpful thing at this moment.

She's on tiptoes and heels but cannot see anything but heads moving. Huffs and turns when a hand taps her bare shoulder. It's a Durmstrang boy who asks her to dance, she nods and follows him to the dance floor. A lot of couples are around them.

Her hands take her dress to bow after the boy in front of her does. Doesn't know at what moment her hands found his shoulder and hand. Her mind's somewhere else.

The blond isn't paying attention to the girl in front of him. Doesn't really know who is but has brunette hair. His eyes travel through the couples in search of a black and white hair. Founds her dancing with someone.

Time to change partners .

He bows to the girl and to the next one too before the music starts again. She's closer.

Her hand meets another one after bowing and all she can think about is he being closer.

A smile decorates her face when the boy makes her spin before her face mets Diggory's and laughs.

He's face to face with Pansy, who's telling him to stop being distracted because has already stepped on her.

When he makes her spin another girl appears in front of him. Isn't she. And he continues dancing.

Her head turns when a body brushes her and the air leaves her for a moment when his eyes met hers.

He makes spin the girl in front of her before leaving her hand on purpose making her collide with another couple unintentionally.

She spins by herself and leaves the boy she was dancing with at the same time the music ends and the intro of Waltz N° 2 combined with a more intriguing twist starts playing. 

And everyone quits dancing when the two teenagers met each other.

He bows.

She does it too.

The blue-grey-eyed man grabbed the girl by the waist and moved their bodies in time to the music.

And maybe is the way his hand touched her bare skin or perhaps is the way she raises her gaze after looking at him through her lashes.

He _ hates _ the things her eyes reflect.

She _ hates _ the ones his do.

For him perhaps is the way their wrists touch and their arms make waves before his fingers slide down her arm until their reach her elbow while she spins before taking her waist. Like a feather. Delicate.

Their hands met for a second, brushes of skin and fabric before he leaves her making her spin. Hand touching her back and the other meets her hand yet again.

Hands intertwined and the others holding back and shoulder while bodies are rocking like boats on the ocean of emotions.

And it feels like they have the dance floor just for them, as if a light is reflecting on them. It was just them, the rest didn't exist and inside their eyes were galaxies.

He makes her spin and her pulse raises when his body leaves her for a second before both are back on the soft waves.

Both now are spinning, moving through the place with such class and delicacy.

"You two need to stop betting about their relationship," laughed George seeing Lhu giving two sickles to Fred.

"They weren't the only ones," huffed Lee also giving the coins to Fred.

"Sickles out, Nott," chuckles the redhead while Theodore whimpers in complain. "My lady."

"Shut it, carrot," Daphne rolls her eyes also giving him the sickles.

The blond makes them spin softer, back to the waves before accelerating seeing her directly in the eyes.

She loses her breath a second when he lifts her in another spin, and he chuckles when her feet touch the ground just to leave it the next spin. She smiles touching the ground again.

Their bodies spin and spin before moving gentler, in circles, rocking in an ocean.

And their hands' grip is tighter when her body leaves his. She spins yet again and the grip breaks just to form again with their other hands.

Her body leaves him, delicate grip, and their bodies get close, then leave again.

Hands together and their feet make a circle on the floor before bodies get close again. His hand makes her body spin yet again.

Bodies far from each other, then close, hands meet. A spin between the two, bodies away, spin again and far away.

And his hands take her arm and her black shield slides up, leaves her so delicate than her body flushes. Is unprotected in front of him.

His hand brushes her wrist, going up followed by two emeralds and two thunderstorms before they meet each other. Music and world going fast, hearts beating quickly, deep sounds and heavy breathings. Lightnings becoming green and they create the perfect storm.

Fingers meeting and flexing against each other. So soft. So delicate. Feather-like touch. Yet so dangerous. So forbidden. So wrong and right. Everything goes calm, breathings are so breathless and hearts so close.

And the thunderstorm explodes once again with the last spin.

Her foot slides and her body goes back while his reclines yet so close but so far away with the last deep note of the violin.

"I found you," he whispers with his thunderstorm eyes piercing her two emeralds.

"You always do," and both chuckle with lips so close yet so far.

Mint splashing with cherry. Create a new flavour. Something explosive. Something yet so perfect but so dangerous at the same.

Both get enough far from each other before he bows and she follows. His hand meets her naked one and his lips kiss it gently without taking his eyes off hers.

His touch did not make her be afraid... _That_ was fucked up.

She seemed the most gorgeous girl in the whole fucking world to him. Gods, why she had to look like that? He despised her looking so fucking awesome in her dress.

Her smile appear once again while her chest lifts and goes down trying to catch air around her.

When the music changed after an hour or so, Draco lived for Leevanna's laughter. The blond did whatever it took to make her laugh, he had even invented dance steps so he could hear her pure and genuine laugh. He would pick her up, spin her around, steal a kiss or two on her cheek, and make sure she enjoyed herself at all times. He took her by the hand when he realized that she was already a little tired and led her to the table they had to bring her drinks.

Why he was being like that?

And why she wanted him to be like that?

Before she could bring the glass to her mouth, she laughed when he spun her around once more. Then he kissed her cheek making her blush while she sipped the liquor.

_Ice walls or emotions, decide Leevanna._

After two in the morning, they both continued dancing without caring about the rest. They hadn't separated for a single minute. At an unexpected moment, Malfoy pulled her by the hand making her laugh.

They both started running towards the exit holding hands while laughing, and when Leevanna saw Hermione Granger crying on the stairs, she let go of the blond's hand and approached her with a handkerchief. If she was happy for once in her life, nobody could be sad.

"Don't tell anyone, but thanks for hitting Draco when he deserved it," the girl muttered causing the hazelnut-haired to laugh as she took the handkerchief to wipe her tears. "And this is a secret," the Gryffindor girl nodded still somewhat confused by the girl's action before seeing the green-eyed one wink at her and holding hands with the blue-eyed one to began running again.

Fuck's sake, that day she was doing very strange things.

_Ice walls or emotions. Ice walls or emotions. Ice walls or emotions._

When they both reached the Slytherin dungeons, the blond didn't take the usual path, this time he led her down some stairs that she didn't know, she looked at him with a frown.

"Wait and see," he said, taking her by the hand and leading her to a private bedroom floor, the girl looked around the room, took off her heels and went to the window from which you could see the starry sky.

There was a double bed in the middle of the room, dark green curtains with silver designs decorated it, the walls were white and there were one or two shelves to store things, it was still a bit empty.

"It's beautiful," she murmured, sticking her head out and closing her eyes as she felt the blond wrap around her waist from behind drawing her into a hug. She sighed feeling his big and tall body protecting hers.

Why it had to feel so good?

How did his touch reassure her so much?

_Ice walls or emotions. Ice walls. Emotions. Ice walls. Emotions._

"Come with me to the New Year's gala," he proposed in her ear making her laugh, then she nodded silently as she placed her hands over the boy's on her belly.

They were silent for a few minutes, they only saw the stars, because some hearts understand each other even if it is in silence.

" _Leevanna_..." he whispered.

_Ice— Fuck it. Emotions._

"Shut up and kiss me," she interrupted him in a whisper turning around and tangling her fingers between the boy's hair before bringing their lips together passionately, standing on tippy toes to reach him.

_Just for tonight._

Draco grabbed her around the waist with some roughness and pulled their bodies even closer. His hands quickly began to run up the girl's thighs over her black dress.

She made a small jump, grabbing his hands to stop him, but then she looked him in the eye... And she just — She just relaxed. She could not think rationally thanks to the blur in her head.

The puzzle resolving itself, giving her all the answers she had been hoping not to get.

Leevanna placed her hands on the boy's abdomen before pulling out the robe he was wearing and then beginning to unbutton the white blazer he was wearing too.

The situation went from gentle to rough in one single second. And well — they did not want to be gentle with each other — not anymore.

They _needed_ to _destroy_ themselves.

The desperate desire, lust and passion in their bodies were just _inevitable_.

For months they had been thinking about the other. For months they wanted to do so many things with the other — since their little kisses since that little caresses that burned their cold skins.

They needed to destroy the other and push their brains until they went mental.

To that point of madness of the which you just can't escape.

And you actually won't want to scape.

They were slaves of their desires — slaves of their emotions.

With his forearm, Draco removed all the things that were on the desk next to him and lifted the green-eyed one from behind to place her on the furniture. He needed to see every reaction of her at that precise moment.

_It just the hormones_ , the voices in their heads tried to convince them. _Just that, crazy teenage hormones._

He began to leave dark marks on the girl's neck — sliding his tongue where her pulse hammers, right beside her jugular as if he were a vampire ready to suck all the blood of her body and left her empty — and for a moment she thought he was — but she did not care and she arched her back and threw her head back so that he could have as much space as possible as she felt how he sucked, nipped and mouthed a searing path up the side of her throat, leaving bruises in his wake.

She wanted him so badly.

That tingle between her thighs becomes a constant pulse, and her body starts trembling internally because of the steamy of his touch.

She couldn't believe what he had reduced her to in question of months — a total psycho slave of her emotions — emotions she had tried to block all her life and successfully until he and his bloody addictive lips had touched her — since his alarming hand had caressed parts of her she had not let anybody before.

Their bodies were burning, like a fever that travelled all their insides and did no let them stop.

Yeah, they both had been waiting too long. They needed to feel the other in every way possible.

And they really despised themselves for that.

"Fuck," he growled against her skin as he ran his fingers into the soft fabric of her dress. Her skin was so soft and smooth that he simply lost control.

He wanted to destroy her in every way possible.

Leevanna began to unbutton the boy's shirt awkwardly as little sighs escaped her full lips, which was driving the boy crazy. She wanted to feel him, his skin, his fingers, everything.

Why his touch had felt so fucking awesome?

Why he could keep touching her? Since when someone could touch her at all? Why him? Among all the people in the fucking world, why it has to be he?

Her small hands managed to push the fabric of his shirt until it finally fell to the floor, leaving the blond's torso completely naked; she passed her hands through the hard skin of his chest until she reached his abdomen — caressing it as if her hands burned him as if she was trying to burn him — but it felt awesome.

He despised the way she touched his skin.

He pressed their lips together, the kiss was raw and aggressive, but possessive more than anything.

He wanted to possess her.

And she wanted him to possess her.

Fuck all the questions, all the answers.

He lowered her black lace panties aggressively with his hand, leaving them on the wooden floor, then his cold fingers began their journey.

Still kissing her.

His hand is sliding up her inner thigh.

He twisted his hand, sliding his fingers between her legs over the fabric.

She gasped and made a small jump, her hands grabbed his arms without being able to avoid it — that was the only thing she could not avoid actually — apart from how bad she wanted him, obviously.

And he knew that nobody had touched her the way he was doing it, that nobody had made her feel good. That nobody had made her feel like a woman, in the right way.

She turned off that part of her brain that told her to clamp her thighs thanks to the intensity of the sensation and stopped grabbing his arms. She couldn't let that memory make everything horrible right now. Her whole rational part turned off.

She just wasn't thinking.

She was _feeling_.

Fuck's sake she despised that.

They had never had felt so hungry like that, or starved someone like that.

And she feels too right for him...

His thoughts cut off abruptly as he listened to her pleasurable purrs of desire.

His fingers slid through her thighs, reaching that spot that no one had been able to touch before. That centre of nerves she didn't know could make her feel so good.

He began to make slow circles on the girl's clit while his other hand took her down the back of her neck pressing his rings against her skin.

He pulls away from her lips slowly, and he risked to glance at her eyes, expecting disappointment or something similar.

She glanced him back and her pretty mouth finds his again, sucking gently and doubling all the drowning and intoxicating sensations.

And he remembers that he is the first.

And she thinks that his touch is _magic_.

No one had ever touched her that way, so _possessive_ and rude... And she was loving it.

Nobody had touched her, being honest. Never. Nobody. She did not let approach people her.

And now...

His fingers slide back and forth rhythmically, purposefully, hitting spots she never knew about or had the slightest idea that existed or were inside her until now.

Her pleasurable moans were music to his ears, so his index and middle finger began to move even faster and more possessively in a linear fashion brushing her entrance.

His finger running all over her cunt.

Leevanna arched her back as she felt one of the blond's cold fingers sink into her entrance quickly.

Draco growled softly against her lips, and the sound of it sends shockwaves straight to the place his fingers keep thrusting.

"Nobody has done this to you?" he muttered against her lips, his fingers keep coming out and in, tortuously.

"Nobody," she breathed before a purr left his mouth. "Just you," she confesses in a breathy gasp.

His mouth let escape a soft little sound, between a gasp, a groan and a growl.

His thumb circled her clit slowly, as another one of his fingers entered her, then his body ignited with pure lust. She was so tight that his two fingers already had taken all the space.

"I'm the worst choice, Leev—" he said against her lips, breathing heavily. " _Fuck_ — You are tight—"

He twists his finger even as he said that, making her back arch, making her mind hazy in pure lust and pleasure.

He couldn't take his blue eyes off her flushed and writhing body, he felt powerful watching her come undone by his touch and hearing her moans filled with pleasure.

"I do not care if you are bad," she breathed. "Fucking do whatever you want to me..."

Oh, Gods... The things she said... The fucking things she said.

He swore that no one else would touch her, they would not even be near her, no one would give her pleasure except him, nobody could breathe near her. Everyone would know that she only belonged to him and only him. She had become his.

He was very possessive with the things that belonged to him. And she had become his most valuable possession since that moment.

Her small hands tangled in the blond's hair, feeling how his fingers came out and in faster, which made her moan on the boy's lips... And that turned him on even more.

"Stop doing this to me," he said against her lips. "Stop being so good... Stop making me want to do things..."

"Stop making me need you," she breathed.

And the frantic part of their brains tried to set off alarm bells.

But they just couldn't stop touching.

It was as if a black hole was suctioning them into the pure chaos.

Drowning slowly.

Both intoxicating the other with such dependence.

Their breaths are short and heavy, nearly gasps.

Impatient, he took his fingers off the girl and made her raise her arms so he could take off that damn dress that was bothering him. She looked better without it anywa—

She covered her body.

It had been quickly, he had not even realised it until his naked abdomen collided with her arms. He was about to speak when his eyes captured a small wound on her skin — a small part of the line that protruded on the side of her arms, on the side of her ribs.

She looked up, meeting his eyes as his hands grabbed her wrists and parted her arms before he left a kiss on her lips, wanting her to show him everything.

_You are safe_ , says the voice in her head and she lets herself be controlled by his hands, which pushed aside her arms before he caressed her skin.

She makes a small jump and her legs encircle his waist instinctively when he belts an arm beneath her and lifts her – unexpectedly, expertly and at the same time no, as they kissed passionately. Her completely naked body was illuminated only by the silver light of the moon that filtrated for the window.

Draco threw her on the bed and started to spread kisses all over her bare abdomen as he caressed the girl's soft and smooth white skin.

"I hate you," he breathes against her lips when he climbed the bed again. "For making me do this."

"I hate you more," and their eyes have this hurtful thing that made them feel guilty. "For making me need this."

And they are not exactly feeling guilty because their goal is hurt the other, they feel guilty because they cannot control their desire.

She hurried to unzip his pants, but he pushed her back onto the bed taking both of her hands and placing them above her head. He quickly shed his pants and climbed back onto the bed. Her small, fragile body grew warm to the touch of his large hands.

Her mind divagates through all the times she had heard the girls talk about his body and — she agrees with them for the first time because — well — he was unreal, he wasn't too skinny or very muscular, he was just perfect, and a set of abs led down to a prominent V-line, all his body was gorgeous. She felt the hardness of his cock, which was resting eagerly against her stomach as he was on top of her.

She spread her thighs wider without even thinking about it.

His cold rings made contact with her neck, just pressing a little.

"Ah..." she moaned on his lips feeling his big hands take over her body. He took her hips roughly. His fingerprints running through her sensitive skin.

"Tell me to stop... Tell me—" he implored panting. "I can stop..."

No, he couldn't.

"Do not stop..." She muttered closing her eyes. "Never stop."

With all his senses maxed out and full of lust, he forcefully pounded his member into her, with no regard for her loud whimpers and moans of pain or her inexperience. The animal inside him had come out and was definitely not going to go away.

Leevanna bowed her back forwards when he pounded her as a shocked moan escaped her lips, pressing her forehead on his chest as her nails buried on the skin of his arms.

A sharp pain travelled all her body concentrating on her hips. He had thrusted so hard that it felt like years of pure pain. It was a punishment — but not just for her, for him too.

Although she did not want him to be gentle with her — but it hurt so much. But she could not let him be gentle.

He could not move thanks to her tightness, but he would manage. It should not be so difficult.

He had heard, a few weeks ago, when some Slytherin boys had had a small reunion in the room of one of them to smoke weed, things they did to the girls who they had had sex with. Draco had not talked at all and just nodded pretending that he was agreeing as he smoked and looked at the ground trying to retain information.

He had smirked tho, a bit — trying to disguise his fun —, when he had asked who were the girls. He had not — internally — laugh for who they were, he laughed because they had glanced at each other with some nervousness before saying 'Leevanna Vaughan', but they had hidden it quite well — that they were lying.

Oh yeah, he remembered the conversation in The Astronomy tower — his and her part —, because the weed effects on him faded away quite quickly.

The boys had also talked about how they... Moved? _Thrusted_ — it sounded better to him — inside the girls and how they did it. They had also mentioned how some girls were tight but some others were to... _open_? — he didn't know how to call it.

But for fuck's sake. She was too tight — extremely tight.

That made him want to destroy every part of that tiny body of hers until she cried in pain.

He wasn't trying to be gentle — how he was supposed to be if it was the girl's first time or so his roommates had said —, he was trying to punish her for making him feel weird things. He was actually angry.

But he couldn't do that to her... Though he wanted to.

"Leev... Listen—" he breathed feeling how her warm walls gripped around him, so much that it was hurting him. Her forehead pressing, even more, his chest. "I need— I need you to relax, okay?"

"Okay... Okay..." she breathed heavily.

"Look at me," he asked, and she did it, her eyes had small tears, some rolling down her cheeks. "Breathe... Okay? Relax or we are going to hurt each other."

She nodded pressing her lips before resting her head back on the pillow.

Leevanna moaned loudly as she felt him penetrate her slow and hard, entering the half of his member first and then all completely.

It was extremely painful since it was her first.

Her cheeks are damp. She tastes the salt of stray tears when their lips meet again. And the ribbons and bows their lips are, are wrapping the violence and hate they are discharging with each other — taking away their anger and frustration on each other in a way they have never thought possible before.

And the kiss tastes like agony, like guilt.

It feels like hurt and trauma as the tangy and metallic blood sprouts from their lips when his teeth pierce the flesh of her own lips and he does the same with him.

They meant to hurt the other.

"Say my name," he panted against her face.

She shook her head, arching her back feeling him swaying inside her. In and out, in and out. Slowly. Torturing.

And she could see the grimace of pain in his face, like a sheet covering every part of it.

His forehead pressed against hers.

"Please..." she shook her head again. " _Please_..." and this time he is imploring as if he was trying to beg for mercy after committing the most deadly sin in this world — although he knows he does not deserve any single drop of it. "Please... Just say it... _Please_."

He bit down her lip, drowning her whimpers inside his mouth, breathing every particle of her breath. And he pulled away, pressing their foreheads again.

"Say _my_ name then," she breathed, and a moan left her lips.

And he had never been so willing to do something in his entire life.

" _Leevanna_..."

And his voice had come out with such pain, which such despise — as if saying her name burned his throat and destroyed every part of his body, as a punishment given by the same Evil. It had bot being a moan, or a gasp, it had been a breathing that left him without air.

" _Draco_..."

And although her tone was sweetener, it had also had that touch of pain and despise — the worst had been that, after saying it, she had let escape a whimper.

And he yanked up her thigh, driving in deeper, sending her reeling. His abdomen resting on hers while his thrust became aggressive but continued being in a tortuous way.

As his hips pressed against hers roughly, she couldn't separate what was painful and what was pleasure at that point.

Both felt fucking awesome and beautiful.

She moved her hands and guide them to the boy's arms again, digging her long nails on his skin. He placed the girl's hands above her head again and linked them with his, while with the other he leaned on the bed.

Leevanna squirmed moaning when he thrust her harder. It was slow, leaving a few milliseconds between each thrust, but that didn't take away the aggressiveness.

"God... I want to fucking _destroy_ you," he growled softly under his breath.

She nodded closing her eyes and moaning raggedly feeling his body pressing hers.

"Destroy me... _Draco_ ," she breathed.

For God's sake... The way she said his name...

"Stop saying those things to me..." he implored against her lips. "You are so fucking good—"

"I won't stop..." her firmly voice snapped. "Because I'm bad too..." she gasped.

And she was right.

Both were bad to each other.

It was too fast.

Too right. It felt too fucking right that it couldn't be real. Nothing had felt like that before. They were obsessed with the feeling of it — with each other.

Everything was too dangerous between them.

"Are you— _Fuck_ —" he panted. "Are you... You feel okay?"

"Yes... I'm— Okay," she gasped nodding and feeling her eyes watering before her back arched more feeling him going deeper. "Fuck— God..."

Her knees pressed his hips as he thrust her with frustration. She was like a very tight glove.

He kissed her while both panted.

Her lips were so soft and tasted so sweet — the hints of cherry syrup and honey intoxicating him, entering his body without any mercy and numbing his brain.

He could feel her slick walls tighten around his throbbing cock, making him groan hoarsely. His eyes kept staring at her slender frame, watching her become more and more undone as he pounded her.

Her white and black hair was sprawled messily around her rosy face and from her blood-rushed lips spilt a continuous stream of delirious moans full of pleasure. He placed his hand around her neck again and examined some of the bruises on her neck feeling proud of them, everyone would know it was his and nobody else's. Just thinking that someone else might have touched her skin made him angry.

But now she was all his.

And he would make sure to keep it that way.

"Take a deep breath," he mutters — pants against her jaw.

"W-Why?" a shaky breath leaves her mouth when she speaks, nervously.

"Just— do it," and this time is looking at her in the eyes.

She gulps.

But obeys him and holds her breath when he brought his lips together with hers again, holding her body carefully and drawing him to change position.

And suddenly he was there.

She gasps.

Now she was sitting on him.

The angle. The depth. It changed everything. She knows.

That position was painful — even more than the last one, but she couldn't care less.

Because the sound he made... The way his head dropped down onto her shoulder and his forehead pressed... It made the pain to take a back seat — very far away.

" _Fuck_ ," he hissed.

His hands trembling a bit. They shake against the exposed waist's skin, sliding up to grab hold.

Then he held her back to sit her well as her arms surrounded his neck.

He snaked a hand to the back of her head and made a tight fist on her hair, pulling her head back a bit, beginning to leave wet kisses on the skin of her neck.

He took her hips again and guided her circular moments — slowly, very slowly movements —, adjusting her as much as he could, then he changed the movement — he lifted her a bit.

And then, once more, he entered her completely, reaching as deep as he could.

She tensed at the sensation.

Accidentally, she squeezed some muscle group she had discovered she had just a few seconds ago, getting a strong reaction out of him — making him jerk and softly growl as he adjusted his grip before he pressed their foreheads.

She gasps.

"You— You want to do it yourself?" he breathes against her lips. She nods.

The green-eyed little by little discovered how to move her hips and it seems that her purpose is to drive him crazy — making slow jumps over him feeling him completely while her nails dug into his back and shoulders leaving red scratches.

She was, at first, uncoordinated, clumsy and tentative — she was slow and seemed curious about every possible movement —, but then little by little she seems to get to know her rhythm, experimenting with him, and he lets her — because she is the best torture to him.

He continued kissing her skin until he reached the girl's breasts, which he began to massage and kiss until he left dark marks on her skin. His tongue twirling around her nipples before biting them gently.

She slid a hand to tangle it in his hair again, just as one of his hands left her waist and slid along her thigh, squeezing it.

She almost let escape a sound of complain, but she drowned it — not because the squeeze had hurt, because he now had left one part of her body without his warm touch.

Leevanna could feel her climax building up inside of her like a fucking volcano ready to explode.

Lhu had told her that maybe she wouldn't reach it, but damn, Malfoy was extremely good, even though it was his first time too.

She could barely breathe and her whole body released heat. Her hand went to his back again, pressing his body against hers.

She threw her head back and began to see stars, wailing loudly as he kept fucking her harder and harder. He held her from behind tightening her small body and she could feel that he was reaching his limit too.

Her fingers quickly left the boy's back and went to his silky blond hair where they tangled as her back arched, her head titled back facing the ceiling.

And she feels something she has never experienced before.

It starts as an aching and pulsation between her legs. She feels like she has a heartbeat im her groin and it becomes more intense as she gets more turned on. Due to increased blood flow, it started to ache a little but in a good way.

Her being feels hot and the warmth gradually became a tingle and her skin feels very sensitive and then at the end a sudden surge of 'pressure' inside her in that area. Sensations grow and with each touch he is giving her a physical wanting and pleasure that she has not ever experienced before. She doesn't want it to stop.

When orgasm hits, it's like having a wave crash over her. It started to take hold and is involuntary as the stimulation continues.

It starts in her groin with a huge heat and explosion of feeling that builds up and builds up and spreads through her whole body from her toes to the top of her head. Her body arched backwards a bit and she gets a head rush as the feeling passes through her entire body. She tensed up and curled her toes at the point of orgasm.

It built higher and higher and more intense to where she can't speak, she cannot breathe, she cannot think and she arches your head backwards until she feels like she cannot take it anymore. Just a big buzz of pressure and breathlessness. Then the intense sensation subsided and it left her whole body glowing and the sensation focuses back on her groin when she felt her slick walls contract over and over again in pleasure.

This is where the majority of the amazing feeling hits her like a frenzied train.

Each contraction, fast to begin with and slowing after each, gives her immeasurable sensation of sexual enjoyment until she became too sensitive to be touched there anymore.

Her loud screams echoed in the darkroom before she started panting breathlessly.

They were lost in their own world of pleasure as he came inside her and they became a tangled mess of one being.

For him seeing her orgasm was the most mesmerising landscape in the entire fucking world. Her cute purrs leaked through his ears and resonated in his head.

His eyes caught the exact moment in where her back arched and her nipples were erect. How she started breathing heavy and her pale body started turning red due to increased blood flow. Before her whole body exploded internally in a mind-blowing orgasm, she had gripped his hair right, pulling his blond strands and burying her nails. Her cunt had started contracting and throbbing so intense that penetration became even more difficult than it was already. Her thighs started getting spastic and she started sweating. Finally, she came and let out the most beautiful moan as he felt her slick and warm walls pressing against his hard cock.

His head dropped to her shoulder again before pressing his forehead with hers, lips parted and he panted raggedly, his whole body dripping in testosterone. She rested her forehead on the boy's shoulder as she tried to catch her breath.

It had been the best fucking first time and she wasn't sorry for the wait.

It hadn't been beautiful, it hadn't been gentle, no care, no love or shit like that. It had been beautifully painful and filled with guilt and despise.

Draco took her in his arms while she remained seated on him, then he placed one of her strands behind her ear and brought their lips together in a gentle kiss, delighting in the girl's low, heavy and breathy moans.

He came out of her as he changed position, laying her back on the bed again and placing himself on top of her. Leevanna laughed on his lips as she felt how the boy's fingers ran over her abdomen, tickling her.


	10. Draco

The blond smiled when he saw how the girl next to him was frustrated by not being able to remember the notes of the melody.

"It's not so difficult," he said by pressing a couple of keys with his index finger.

"Ugh, no, I quit," she snorted, leaning her forehead on the boy's shoulder and refusing to touch a single more key. Draco chuckled before placing his fingers of his left hand on the keys and playing a soft and short melody.

They had been at Malfoy Manor for two days now and the one with blue-grey eyes kept thinking about hobbies to entertain the girl — _every_ type of hobbies and activities. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with her before returning to Hogwarts.

"There are you two," both turned their heads when they heard Narcissa Malfoy's voice approaching them. "A letter from your friend came, Leevy," she announced with a warm smile in the direction of the girl as she extended her hand for her to take.

Draco saw Leevanna smile and take his mother's hand to follow her, so he sighed and closed the piano's lid with care not to do much noise and keep the decorum.

His parents loved her — as if she was their own blood. That bothers him still.

They hadn't even asked when they saw how she — with her lips full of the cherry tartlet's syrup — left a soft kiss on his lips.

Why they did not ask? Narcissa had even chuckled lightly.

And perhaps Draco would never know, but his marriage with Leevanna Vaughan had been a entertaining subject at dinner between both families while both were two babies and lost in the land of dreams him. Their little affair had just been perfect for the situation.

But Draco hates Leevanna. And fortunately Leevanna hates him back.

Young love, they call it.

It was likely both of them would end killing each other if they found about the little arrangement their parents had made.

Leevanna was like a delicious and fresh cherry tartlet, sweet but sour, and if you didn't make it the right way it turned into a dreadful mess. Draco had reached that conclusion.

She shined like the fresh cherries in the dessert, when enveloped in a flaky, buttery crust and baked until the juices are bubbly and syrupy. Or she could get dark, like when someone doesn't know how to make the perfect syrup and they burn it.

She was like the mix of the sour cherries with the sweet ones, the key for a perfect balance.

She was delicious and so alluring, but very dangerous if you have too much of it... But you can't stop because you enjoy every single part without regretting anything... Until you stop eating and see how much have you had, how dangerous it would be according to time.

To his mind came the image of Leevanna asleep in his bed while the few rays of the sun illuminated her face and body the morning after The Yule Ball. He smiled helplessly. Her closed eyes and eyelashes caressing her white cheeks while her pink lips were slightly parted.

His brain tortured him with the look in her eyes and the small tears rolling down her cheeks — she looked at him begging with her pretty green eyes for him to hurt her, for him to make her cry. And he had actually done it.

It was the second time they brought their bodies together — it had been the most pleasant of the sounds hearing her cries mixed with moans escaping her mouth — she had really cried, but she had asked him, literally, to not be gentle. That was the only thing he promised to her that night. That little body of hers had trembled and became even tinier under him as he thrusted in and out aggressively. And then his brain went blurry went he heard her wail full of pleasure and lust — pain too — leave her mouth when she orgasmed.

The third time tho was her turn to hurt him.

She had tortured him not saying his name, making him implore her over and over again. Her jumps and movements had not been gentle at all when she sat on him and pressed their foreheads breathing so close to him... But she had not let him kiss her until she felt him getting harder inside her and then releasing his cum in her — and she said his name as that happened.

The next times, once both adjusted to what they wanted from the other, had been even more pleasant. He could remember her small body shuddering under him while he caressed her skin as she let escape moans from her lips... Like softs and delicious purrs... Like a kitten.

Merlin, that girl was driving him crazy.

His mind spread among the memories of those nights: her flushed and writhing body coming undone by his touch while hearing her moans filled with pleasure, her tangled hair and rosy cheeks... Gods.

She was the death of him.

That night he hadn't stopped touching her, caressing and kissing her, giving her as much pleasure as he could. And the next nights it had been the same. They just could not get enough from the other.

He could not get enough of her body, her curves, the soft texture of her skin and the pale colour of it — how her body flushed and warmed at his touch. He could not get enough of her tiny hands travelling all his body and burning his cold skin with her touch — it was impossible to get tired of her touch.

He couldn't get enough of the pleasant and subtle aroma the soft curls of her hair released every time he was near it. He could not get enough of her pink-full lips and their taste — their fucking sweet taste.

She was like black magic, which had infected his brain with _warmth_...

That made him want to destroy her, every part of her, atom by atom... But he also wanted to take care of her — protect her from everything and everyone, included himself.

That reminded him of the little scar on her body — on her ribs. It was small, almost if it had been fading away already. But — the thing was that that little scar was not the only one she had.

He had seen them while she slept. His eyes had betrayed him although he had fought to not pay attention.

There were three on her ribs — one was an X, so it counted as two and the other was the first he had seen. Three more were on her left inner thigh, those were small but seemed deeper than the others. And finally one on her back, it was small and it didn't seem deep.

And he could not help and wonder how the fuck she had acquired those small scars.

He despised her for that.

For making him worry about her.

He could live with that though — he did not want to do it.

He had tried to convince himself that it was just the crazy hormones, that being so obsessed with her was just a thing of the moment, that it would go away and he would get bored of her and her lips — and her body and her moans and—

_Yeah, yeah, we get it._

He had definitely let all his barriers fall — how? That was the million galleons question. He was really trying not to mess all up with all the shit that was on his brain — but why? That was another million galleons question.

But he wanted to destroy her so bad...

"Malfoy!" He quickly turned his head in the direction of the stairs, where she was. Her elbows rested on the barandal and her face resting on her hands. "I want to tell you something."

"What now?" he asked rolling his eyes in amusement.

"Have I told you that I literally hate you so much and want to run over you with a truck but first kiss you?" She asked raising an eyebrow and seeing him with a naughty smile. He rolled his eyes in amusement and quickly got up from the bench to start walking in her direction.

"Oh, no worries, I want to do the same with you," he laughed as he climbed the stairs in a hasty pace chasing the girl while both laughed.

Neither had realised it, but Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy looked at them from the sofas in the living room. The boy's father smiled behind his newspaper and hide his laughter; his wife, on the other hand, only denied with her head laughing.

Meanwhile, on the top floor, Draco was looking for the girl for all the rooms. At some point, they had started playing hid-and-seek and although Leevanna was very good in the game, she stepped on a loose wood making noise, which attracted the blond's attention, who pretended not hearing anything while opening the door of another room that was quite far from her position to distract her.

The green-eyed one came out of her hiding place in total silence and carefully — thinking that he had gone by another way, but suddenly, Draco took her by the waist lifting her a bit and making her laugh.

"I won," he whispered in her ear before leaving a kiss on her neck.

She did not jump when he touched her — why he kept being able to touch her and not make her jump?

"It's all a competition for you, innit?" She chuckled and turn to look at the boy while putting her hands on his shoulders.

"If it wasn't, life wouldn't be fun," he replied by raising an eyebrow.

"Touché," she laughed and both remained silent for a few seconds just breathing near the other.

Both looked at each other's lips.

They couldn't get enough from the other.

Draco pushed Leevanna against the wall when he joined his lips with hers abruptly. He wrapped his right hand around her neck and began to suck the white skin from the girl's neck, leaving dark bruises in the path, she let escape a small groan from her lips. The blond grabbed her from behind and she surrounded the boy's waist with her legs crashing with everything they had in their path.

Both laughed when they hit a small table and drove a couple of ornaments.

Leevanna stepped the floor again and Draco pulled her from the wrist as both began to run until they arrived at the boy's room, where he fiercely joined their lips and, after closing the door and muttering ' _Muffliato_ ', began to caress her skin under her black blouse.

He smiled satisfied when he heard her let go of a moan when he turned around and pushed her erection against her ass.

He pushed her even more against the wall kissing her neck, entering his cold hand under the girl's skirt and starting to move his fingers over her clit slowly, torturing her — rubbing, pressing and sliding back and forth rhythmically. His fingers started soaking wet.

He pulled her panties down leaving them on the floor and sank his thick fingers deep into her wet, throbbing cunt without hesitation.

"Hands on the wall, Vaughan," he ordered.

Leevanna did it instantly while trying to contain her moans. That turn him even more.

He loved to see her skin bristle at his touch and hearing her breathy and purring moans.

"Scream all you want, little girl," he said in her ear before sucking her earlobe gently, doubling all the sensations. "No one is going to hear you."

Then he sank another finger, and another, until she couldn't resist anymore and let a loudly moan escape her red lips, a thing that made him smirk diabolically.

" _Draco_..." she moaned loudly.

Her breathing was ragged and desperate so he fastened his pace, causing a delirious stream of moans to escape from her mouth.

He knew _how_ to touch her, _how_ to play with her until she reached her limit.

There was something in the way she moaned his name that simply made him crazy — it made him _implore_ for her to say it out loud, for her to admit that he was the only one who could touch her like that.

He moved his fingers from her clit to her mouth, shoving his wet fingers inside and feeling her suck slowly on them while letting little moans escape her mouth. His fingers sank further down her throat and he liked the way he could feel her gag.

"Good girl," he whispered into her ear while with one of her hands he grabbed the girl's entire hair turning her in a made-shift ponytail. She moaned against his fingers and he could felt the vibrations of her throat against them.

For Salazar's sake... Her fucking purring moans were driving him fucking mental.

Why he just couldn't get enough of it? Why he couldn't stop reproducing her purrs in his brain? — It was like torture, a delicious one.

She was fucking delicious.

Like a dessert tempting you, ready to eat and taste in your mouth, feeling all its flavour inside it as you chew slowly, not wanting it to end.

Fucking hell. Why he compared her with fucking _food_?! What was wrong with him?

Feeling how the climax started to build inside him, he unzipped his dress pants fast while he pulled out of her and turned her around still holding her hair — she eyed his cock. She sank to her knees on the wooden floor and opened her rosebud mouth obediently. He slid inside her mouth, her warm tongue enveloping it and he groaned in satisfaction.

Her tiny hands wrapped around its base and then caressed it.

She let out his hard member of her mouth and wondered for less than a millisecond.

Why she was—

_Oh_.

Her tongue had slid up his base and then down before she twirled and left a small open-mouth kiss on it making him let escape a drowned groan.

Her hands wrapping slowly and with curiosity — just like her tongue — as she discovered what movements she could do and how she could do them.

Her mouth sucking the top of his thick member, which was the most sensitive part of all of it — she had discovered that in a matter of seconds.

Her tongue gently twirled around as a soft little growl escaped his lips.

"Fucking — hell... That..." incoherent words leaving him. Low and breathy mutters. "You... Fuck — _Aha_..."

She was moving as an explorer who had just discovered a whole new land just for herself.

He saw her experiment with her tongue and hands, gliding and wrapping. She was playful and curious.

Then he slid the half of his cock inside her mouth seeing her eyes watering. Then, all the ten inches inside her pretty mouth.

_Fast learner this one, I'm telling you._

He gripped her hair tighter and pulled it hard as her doe eyes locked with his while she looked up at him and bobbed her head up and down on his dick.

Being honest, it does not take very long for her to end him — three minutes maybe, his brain wasn't really counting — and when he came inside her mouth, leaning his head back and groaning, she made sure to leave her mouth right where it was before swallowing his cum wanting and attentively. Her blushed cheeks make him smirk watching how she smiled to herself, a bit of cum dripping down the side of her mouth.

While he panted and tried to catch his breath, he took her hand and pulled her up so she was standing up against the wall also panting.

It was his turn to get down on his knees.

For her — _and her only_ — he would do it.

An electric shock shoots up her spine.

His hands unzipped her skirt, letting it fall onto the floor without any care.

Hid tongue wetting and he decided to—

"Wait, wait," she gasped in a beg. Her thighs jerk against his hands — jut inward instinctively, trying to close.

He stared at her, inches away from where she had not let any single boy's face to be.

"Why?" he asked somehow confused. And she, with her pulse raising — feeling very warm in that area his lips were heading —, bit her lower lip softly and did not know how to express herself.

"What if... You don't—"

He rolled his eyes and yanked hard on her thighs, spread them so — strains the muscles.

He started kissing one her thighs, first sliding his tongue across her skin and then nipping his teeth on it before sucking, listening to how she gasped. And then he buries his face between her thighs, tongue going on the instant offensive and laving its way across her nerve endings.

A moan ripped forcefully from her throat, and all she could do was helplessly jerk and tremble against him as he kisses her cunt — he'd the same, or maybe more, fervour that when he kissed her and her lips were covered in honey or syrup.

Draco latched his tongue onto the sweet spot between her thick thighs and she cried in pleasure and satisfaction — and she was absolutely not prepared. Her thighs shaking and finding an ever-building tsunami that she'd never felt before.

She tangled her fingers into his hair, pulling it.

And she couldn't help but wonder if whether she tastes good or not — but how could she know? She — well — She could not find it for herself, obviously—

"Vaughan," he called, stopping his actions.

"Y-Yes?" she mumbles, not able to open her eyes or breathe quietly, anxious to feel his tongue again.

"Turn off that extra-large brain of yours for once, yeah?"

He yanked on her thighs again and she had to support a hand on the wall.

"But what if you don't — _H-Holy God!_ "

Her back arched forwards.

His tongue twirling against her clit.

He knew what she was about to say and — like it? He fantasised about doing it to her for weeks. He was dying to do it. Give her all the pleasure in the world just to listen to her subtle purrs.

So he thinks a second.

"I love it, _yeah_?" he starts, then he slid up his tongue from her entrance to her clit and vice-versa. "Your taste... I love it," and he places a wide, dirty lick against her before whirling his tongue. A mix between a groan and a growl tumbled from his mouth. "You taste fucking _sweet_."

He couldn't believe that he just admitted it — that he just admitted it _to her_.

And he felt how she jerked against him, trying to stifle another whimper.

And he knew he should continue talking — wants to continue talking.

"Addictive — like fucking cocaine," and he sucked the collection of nerves that made her jolt and squirm on the wall and bow her back. He sucked and licked between the words until she started seeing coloured spots that blurry her vision for long seconds again and again. "So... Yeah..." His tongue dipped low, taunting her entrance and then he let his tongue sank into her, rolling inside her when she moaned loudly. He pulled out. " _You taste fucking awesome_."

His hands took her hips tightly, holding her still before they returned to her thighs — then another open-mouth kiss. His tongue settled to work on her clit.

She buried her fingers into the blond's hair even more and pushed his head against her feeling how his tongue swirled all over the place.

And she fell into a drug-like state and let her thoughts turn to mush.

Her legs started trembling by the orgasm that was building inside her.

A while later, both were laying on the blond's bed, naked, panting and trying to catch their breath, they were only covered by the black sheets on the bed.

They were not in a quite affectionate position — they were just lying next to each other actually. Neither of them spoke, they didn't need to.

Both despised the other for making their bodies hurt in desire.

He smirked when he saw how she sat on his hips and rested her hands on his chest.

"Merlin, I want to kiss every inch of you," he said placing his hand around her tinny waist.

"Then kiss me," she said smiling, her tangled and messy hair fell on her shoulders, he denied.

"No," and then he smiled. "You kiss me."

Then she joined their lips and entangled her fingers among Draco's blond hair while he took her back sitting in bed while both chuckled between kisses.

Leevanna was different, he knew that very well. From the first day he had met her, he knew it wasn't going to be easy to get her out of his way — but he never tried to do it.

He liked her company, her scent and the way she laughed at anything, even at a bad time.

She had very dark humour being honest.

"I'm just saying that Tom Riddle was kinda fit," she laughed.

Both were laying on the living room carpet as they ate ice cream and saw old pictures they had found about Lucius and Narcissa's time at Hogwarts. They were actually quite high.

"Vaughan, you are crazy," he laughed making her laugh. "I swear you are mental."

"Listen — listen —" she gasped laughing. "It's true! And all the Death Eaters too!"

"I swear to Merlin, please shut up, witch," he laughed placing his hands over his abdomen.

She covered her face with her hand and turned her body to him as she squirmed and laughed on the floor of the living-room.

He despised her for making him love her laugh.

At half-past ten of the 31st of December, Draco was waiting for her at the end of the stairs while buttoning on of the sleeve's buttons of his shirt. The New Year's gala his mother hosted every year was already started.

His head turned when the echo of a walk he knows pretty well make its appearance.

And he reminds the Yule Ball.

She keeps looking for him. And he keeps being the one waiting for her.

A smile appears in her face when she sees him before she starts to descend the stairs carefully.

And she looks like a princess — Queen. She looks like the Queen.

Her white, tulle strapless dress has beautiful golden floral print all over it. The border of her breast is covered by the two outstanding tulle, thick lines that have two layers. Her waist seems a bit smaller from the kind of thick belt that's part of the dress. Around her neck there's a silver velvet chocker and a the gold necklace he had given to her few hours ago. It had a golden, tiny little star as pendant. Her hair was in soft spiral curls as always but with the difference that two strands had been pulled behind in braids and two more fell by the sides of her face.

"Too pompous, innit?" she blushed furiously when her hand rested on his to start walking inside the enormous room the Malfoys used for galas. "Give me five minutes and I'd chan–"

"It's fine, _Leevanna_ ," he whispered in her ear. "Beautiful are you."

She was about to say something else but s laughter interrupted them. A dark-haired boy that seemed two years older than them approached with a glass of champagne in his hand. Another with brunet hair next to him, who resulted so familiar...

"But if it's our fluffy thing!" said cheerfully the dark-haired. His accent was kind of American.

"William," the green-eyed rolled her eyes. "And your puppy," she said referring to the brunet, who put a hand on his chest pretending to be outraged. "Ashton."

"I changed your diapers and this is how—"

"Ignore them, they're buffoons," she cut him off making Draco chuckle. "This clown here's Lhu's cousin, Ashton Oneyl," she said. Now familiarity was understandable now. "And its master, William — Liam Sthone... _My_ cousin," and Draco shook hands with both. "Draco Malfoy in the flesh."

"So, boyfriend and girlfriend, are you?" smirked Ashton.

"He's _not_ my boyfriend, you puppy," she huffed. "But he's _mine_ so don't you dare to pull out one of your blondes."

"You're blonde."

"I'm not!" she shrieked. "I have _white_ hair!"

"Possesive, isn't she?" muttered who was Liam in Draco's ear pretending to be afraid.

"Very," said Draco feeling her pull him from his sleeve. "Oh, yeah, sorry about your father, Ashton," he said reminding the article in the Prophet a month ago.

And he's curious why Liam looks at Leevanna before looking at his friend.

"Nah, don't worry mate," he shrugged. "He was a bastard," Draco chuckled lightly and nodded. Similar parents. He feels same somehow.

"Well," the green-eyed clapped, "move that we've things to do," said Leevanna standing on tiptoes to leave a kiss on both's cheek as goodbye. Draco nodded at the pair and said _'Pleasure.'_

Draco looked at her. She now was complaining about the pair they'd met before changing drastically the subject and start talking a book she had read last week. And he's listening. Attentively and responding her questions.

At some point her hand had intertwined with his and he had held her tightly, flexing his fingers against it. And she didn't say a word.

The night passed without any complications and they were most of the time chatting with persons they'd met in the path. There were moments in which both went to a lonely corner and laugh and chat before someone introduced themselves.

"I have collywobbles," she said leaving her full champagne glass on the floating tray that was on her side.

"Why?" he asked.

"Too many people watching," she sighed passing her view throughout the place. "Talking about things I don't want to know, having to answer questions about my parents. Keeping the decorum. Being a doll."

If she was a doll, she would be like those porcelain ones. The ones you see in the vitrine and cannot touch. They have the highest prices. If Leevanna Vaughan was a doll, she would be the most precious one.

"You're my doll then," he said. Fingers sliding down her bare back making her blush before she turned to look at him. "Would you grant me this dance, Leevanna Vaughan?"

"Fine," she rolled her eyes chuckling before giving him her hand and let herself by guided by him.

Already on the dance floor, Draco felt her tense at all the gazes and faces staring. And he knows she's about to run up to his room. Her hands were slightly trembling.

And the waltz's music begins.

"Imagine they're in underwear," he mutters in her ear before making her spin. "Tell me who's the funniest."

"The man there, waiting for the perfect business opportunity," she nods a man with a big, round belly and perfect shaved face. "Grindylows' print."

And when both turn at their side, they try to hold back laughter.

"Her, the ballet instructor, the one waiting forman with usefulness, how she would say," she nods now a slim, tall woman with spider-like fingers and a sharp chin and nose. "A bra with crowns' print and aquamarine, tight underwear."

"Quite imagination you've got there, _preziosa signora_ ," and she snorts before laughing against his shoulder with her forehead pressed on it.

"Sorry," she laughs and he chuckles against her hair before taking both of her hands and make her spin. "Mr Malfoy, this is a complete offence to the socialite," she says tightening her grip and closing her eyes still laughing.

He shrugs also laughing before closing his eyes and enjoying the moment. When both open their eyes again, the music stops with a deep violin sound.

The persons clap and join the next dance while congratulating both for their clothes and 'different' dance stile.

"Miss Vaughan," says the ballet instructor. Her red lips match her black eyeshadow. Her false mole above the left corner on her lip almost make Leevanna laugh again. "Quite a show you and young Malfoy have given."

"Would you've preferred Bacchanale, Madam? Surely here Mr Malfoy would love using panties," her eyebrow raises and Draco has to purse his lips to not laugh when the woman's face is shocked for her bold response. "Now, if you excuse us."

And she pulls his hand after Draco nods in goodbye.

They laugh running down the hallways until both reach the morning room's door. A shocked woman's moan and the back of a old mam receives them.

"Forgive us!" says Draco before closing the door again.

Both look at each other before exploding in laughter.

Just at that moment the voices saying the countdown starts.

"Quickly!" she laughs as both run back to the ball room. When they arrive, she hands him a champagne glass to keep counting.

Ten...

"Doubt my life gets better," she says before drinking.

Nine...

"At least we aren't taking ballet classes," and she fights to not spit her drink making him laugh. Both are running to reach the stairs and met Lucius and Narcissa.

Eight...

"It'd be a pleasure seeing you in a tutu," and he laughs against his glass.

Seven...

Narcissa welcomes both with a reproaching gaze that makes them chuckle more.

Six...

"Where were you?" she mutters before smiling at her guests.

"There's people shagging in the morning room," says Draco and his mum's eyes wide in surprise.

"Oh, what I'd give," she says and both teenagers laugh.

Five...

"You three, shut it," says Lucius passing an arm behind his wife's waist.

"There's people having sex in our morning room," Narcissa says and Lucius turns his head in shock.

Four...

"What we did in there," the man mutters making Narcissa snort against shoulder.

Three...

"I certainly did not want to hear that," mutters Draco.

Two...

And Leevanna laughs.

One...

" _Happy New Year!_ "

Fireworks explode from the high roof where a the same charm Hogwarts uses has been used there.

"Happy New Year, Draco," says Leevanna feeling his hand circling her waist.

"Happy New Year, Leev," he says and both clink glasses before he leaves a soft kiss on her lips and then forehead.

He knew she wasn't an ice floe, she was just a girl who had seen the devil when she was a kid and had been forced to grow up. She was broken, that was all.

And he was broken too.

While he saw her play with the snow the next day, Draco thought how many times both had been made each other cry, all the times they had hurt each other just for bothering themselves.

Her laughter seemed the most beautiful thing in the world.

He swore that no one else would touch her a single hair, she was his and only his.

Nobody would hurt her again.

Nobody except him.

He came back to reality when he felt the impact of a snowball on his cheek. He rolled his eyes in the direction of the girl seeing how she laughed until a snowball hit one of her red cheeks by the cold. It was his turn to laugh. Both began to chase each other all the back forest of the Malfoy Manor.

From inside the house, Narcissa smiled when she saw them through one of the windows, then turned her head in her husband's direction. "They remind me of us," she said, seeing her son rise the green-eyed one by the waist.

"Oh, yes?" Lucius responded in a neutral tone before lowering his newspaper and looking at his wife with a raised eyebrow. "The nasty adventures, too?" Narcissa rolled her eyes in amusement before approaching him and nodding.

"Have you talked to Nicholas?" She asked him sitting on the edge of the sofa on which his husband sat.

"They want to convert her but Neferet isn't quite sure," he replied by standing up from the sofa and standing in front of his wife and caressing her hair.

"I swear to God, Lucius..." she said with anger in her voice. "It's just a girl. Do something!"

"And what do you want me to do?" He replied with haste and heading to the window to see the two teenagers, his gaze drifted to his son, something in his chest hurt. "You know Nicholas and when something is in his head, nobody can make him change his mind." Narcissa placed a hand on Lucius' chest and rested her head letting out a sigh. "Let them enjoy what's left, there's nothing I can do."

And while both teenagers played with the snow outside, it started snowing, making her sneeze.

He laughed.

She was a little kitten.

"Come on, let's go back," he chuckled as she looked at him with narrowed eyes for making fun of her. He rolled his eyes playfully. "Come on, Vaughan," he smiled taking her hand.

And he asked himself since when the fuck he held hands with someone.

Draco Malfoy will never be the kind of caress her head and murmur cheesy _nothings_ , not the type of person who would compare her with a beautiful beach-sunset while they held hands and walk through the sand.

And he knew she was okay with that. Because she would never do it either.

He stared at her.

She was reading, sitting on the armchair in front of him as the fireplace's fire illuminated her face. He leaned the open book on his lap and observed how she sipped the hot chocolate Narcissa'd brought them a few minutes ago.

She bit her lower lip, the cup still near her face.

And she looked up, meeting his eyes.

"What?"

"I don't like you."

She smirked against the edge of her grey-coloured cup before she sipped. The tip of her tongue slid across her lip, savouring the chocolate.

"And you think I do?" She said looking at him.

And he smiles.

She does it too.

And then, both go back to their readings.

Back in Hogwarts, the things started going lowly, with the simplest look and smirk.

They had agreed to keep the weird 'thing' they have low-low, without telling anyone anything. They didn't want to be giving explanations to anyone or being seen as if they were a kind of couple. They did not like the concept of 'dating'. It was too cheesy.

And they did not like cheesy _nothings_.

It seem quite stupid.

And also Witch Weekly would make everything bigger that it was.

But, before all that, came the first part of everything. The denial.

Barely they put a foot at Hogwarts, both avoided the other — and their eyes — for days. No crossing paths in the middle of the night or sitting together or talk when their friends reunited to smoke or went to common room's parties. And they were quite fine with it.

At least, for Draco's part. It helped him to meditate what the hell was he doing.

"I'm just saying, you took Leevanna fucking Vaughan to the fucking Yule Ball," said Theodore while both were studying in The Great Hall next to the other houses. "And you are telling me now that you two are... _Nothing_? At least did you fuck her?"

"We're nothing, Theo, yeah?" Draco rolled his eyes still wiring. "We just went together, nothing more," he looked up and raised an eyebrow. "D'you want to fuck her or something? That's why you're asking?"

"I learned my lesson in second year," Theo chuckled. "And now she's like my sister, _eew_."

"And why are you fucking asking then?" asked Draco again. "We're nothing. If you or bloody Blaise want to do something with her, go on then... I give her to you with a fucking bow and everything."

"Short-tempered, aren't we?" chuckled Theo making him roll his eyes. "What would you say then? If Blaise says to you that he wants to fuck her. Or if you see her with another bloke."

And Draco jerked on his seat. Barely visible.

_What would you do, Draco Malfoy?_

His stomach twisted. A weird feeling he'd never felt before. Like something burning inside him.

Though he remembers — it was barely a vague memory that came into his mind — that when he heard some boys talking about Leevanna before The Yule Ball he felt something similar. It had been a bit minor, but it'd felt like this.

Prepotent. Angry.

And then his mind reproduced the image of her tiny body under him, the texture of her skin and how it reacted at his touch. Her subtle and little, breathy purrs which drove him crazy. Her pretty green eyes looking at him with desire and lust. The taste of her cherry lips and how soft they were. Her tiny hands travelling all his body. Her soft curls tickling his skin as her hair released that alluring aroma it has.

"Fuck her between the both of you if you fucking want, I do not fucking care," he closed his book roughly, standing up from his place and leaving the dinning room after handing his parchment to the professor in charge.

_You don't care, Draco? You don't care if someone else touches her?_

He growled. No, he didn't care if someone else touched her.

_"Could you be my first time?"_

Another growl. He couldn't care if someone else touched her. He could not care if someone else kissed her soft and tasty lips

_"Shut up and kiss me."_

His fingers run through his hair. He should not care if someone else touched her. He shouldn't care if someone else heard her purrs.

_"Draco..."_

He must not care. He must not care. He must not care. He must not care.

_"Please... Draco..."_

_"Draco."_

_"Draco..."_

_"Draco."_

"FUCK!" he growled throwing the book he had in his hand to his private dorm's wall. His fingers ran through his hair again as he closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

She was driving him mental.

She was _intoxicating_ him.

He despised her. He really _hates_ her.

Why she couldn't get out of his brain and leave him alone? Why she had to make him feel weird things?

_Little fucking cunt._

That bloody, little fucking cunt.

He wanted to kill her. Strangle her until her pale face became purple.

With that bushy head of hers and her fucking distracting, fucking soft curls that smelled so fucking good. Her pale and tender skin that reacted so fucking well when he touched her. The way her breathy purrs leaked into his ears as her back arched. The way she said his fucking name.

_"No one has done this to you?"_

_"Just you..."_

Why he had that necessity of making her his again? Why he wanted to make her his?

_"Kiss me..."_

Because she was his.

_No._

She wasn't.

She was — she was _not_ — she could _not_ —

She _is_.

She is so fucking _his_.

 _He_ had touched her first. _He_ had kissed her first. _He_ had caressed her skin first. _He_ had felt her soft and tender skin first. _He_ had heard those breathy, little moans of hers first. _He_ had made her his first.

_She is his._

But the denial wasn't over.

_It is the hormones._

He lifted his gaze and he saw her there.

She was smiling to a Swallowtail butterfly that had stopped flying and stood on one of her fingers. A soft giggle left her mouth when the insect touched her nose with its legs.

Nobody was watching her. She was hidden in a foreign corner of the garden with his back leaned against a tree. Only he could look at her.

She looked _pure_ , _innocent_. As if she hadn't done anything wrong in her life. As if she wasn't the cause of his despair.

_She's a cunt._

He saw her return her gaze to the book over her flexed legs as the butterfly settled on one edge of it. His haze shifted to her tiny hands, which rested over the book.

She hadn't noticed his gaze over her.

His eyes travelled lower, fixing on her discovered thighs thanks to the shortness of her school skirt. Her skin seemed to glow because of the little sunlight it was receiving.

He shook his head, taking his gaze away from her and starting to walk to inside the facilities of the castle. He should not be staring at her that way.

_What would you do, Draco? If someone else touches her. Her skin, her lips, hears her purrs and smells her aroma._

"Nothing," he whispered between teeth as he closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. " _Nothing_ ," he repeated trying to convince himself.

The anger.

And he _is_ angry. Angry because if someone else touches her he can't do anything. They were nothing after all.

He was angry with himself because he can't do fucking anything. He _can't_ touch her. He _can't_ smell her. He _can't_ be near her. He _can't_ look at her. He _can't_ kiss her. He _can't_ make her his again. He _can't_ feel her touch.

He can just _stare_.

Feels like a kid in Honeydukes and his mum doesn't want to buy sugar quills for him. Could watch but not touch.

He was so angry that the first thing he does when he arrives his room is throw all the things on the desk before turning it over.

The following two days he keeps staring at her, little looks just to watch what was she doing through the day. Little actions and details she has and he'd noticed. And he wonders what else she does apart from go to the library, attend classes and go to breakfast, lunch and dinner.

He cannot follow her for obvious reasons and he is not going to ask someone to keep him updated about her. He wasn't a creepy stalker. He just wanted to know if someone else had touched her, if someone else had kissed her the way _he_ did. That little bloody detail had him on the nerve for a couple days, until he heard a group of Slytherins and Ravenclaws talking.

"What's wrong with Vaughan?" Asked a Ravenclaw boy. "She hasn't left her books for days now."

"I heard she hasn't flirted with anyone for months," said a girl with curly black hair who was wearing the emerald uniform.

"I mean..." began another girl with the same uniform. "She has Malfoy, why she'd want anyone else? And they look _so fucking good_ together."

The blond frowned. Why everyone kept thinking they were something?

"But I haven't seen them talk at all since The Yule Ball," frowned a redheaded girl from the eagle side. "If they were together, they would at least look at each other."

"I swear I saw him leaving kisses on her," said the second girl. "She looked so gorgeous that day. If I'd to compare, maybe Fleur or Granger were as pretty as she was."

Draco shuddered a bit. Granger? Fucking Granger? How dare she to compare Leevanna with bloody Mudblood Granger? Leevanna'd been the—

He closed his book in front of him and started walking. No. He would not complete that phrase.

_She's a cunt. A fucking little cunt I want to kill with bare hands. A cunt._

"Shush, he's coming," whispered one of Slytherin girls as he passed by the group's side.

"You think he heard us?" asked the Ravenclaw boy.

Draco rolled his eyes as their voices were listened even further. He'd been less than seven inches apart from them, of course he'd heard. They were stupid or what?

But those thoughts left his mind quickly when he remembered the first part of the conversation. She hadn't be around other boys. Nobody had touched or kiss her the way he did. That was a good thing. A very good one. His hands relaxed and his body did too. He was able to release all the air contained in his lungs finally.

_They also said you two look good together._

"We don't," he whispered between teeth trying to avoid thinking more about the subject.

And certainly they didn't. They — he went blank for a moment.

Maybe they — _No_.

No. No. And fucking _no_.

He has issues. She has issues.

They did not look good together.

And she's a _cunt_.

The denial, _again_.

According the days kept passing, Draco couldn't take his gaze away from Leevanna. The girl haddone a few improvements to her usual routine. Now she sat with the Weasley twins, Lee and Lhu in the garden and laughed more than before. Her visits to the library still the same just a bit longer.

He hadn't gone to the Slytherin common room in the middle of the night. He wanted to, to see if she was there, but he hadn't. He'd successfully controlled that part of him those eleven days they hadn't talked or look at each other.

But he couldn't help and think about her. Almost all of the time.

Her aroma. Her laugh. Her soft curls. Her lips. Her eyes. Her body. Her touch.

His mind tortured him, constantly remembering him that her aroma was fading from his room — leaving him.

It wasn't until the 16th of January, in the visit to Hogsmeade Village for the weekend, that he allowed his eyes cross with hers.

He'd entered Honeydukes looking for nothing in particular, just wanted to wonder through the store if he found something that he might like. And that's when he saw her.

She was wearing a white strapless, long-sleeve shirt underneath a black short, sleeveless dress along with black long boots. She was chuckling and blushing because Lhu and Fleur were feeding her with a pink heart-shaped cotton candy. When she turned her head when the door bell rang, her eyes had met his.

None say anything, just stared at each other for a few seconds before both looked away. Draco had glanced her a few times as he bought whatever his hands caught. Sugar quills fortunately.

When Lhu and Fleur called her to leave the shop and go to another, she'd glanced him before making full eye contact. Both had rolled their tongues against their inner cheeks and nodded playfully.

And it hadn't been until one-thirty in the early morning that both looked at each other again.

He'd stared at the roof of his dorm for two hours not being able to sleep or even close his eyes. His head hurt really bad since dinner and his body felt numb. So he'd took the covers and pulled them away, discovering his body before he took a candy from his nightstand and headed to the common room. And he couldn't help but smile when he saw a pretty girl laid on the couch with one leg above the other. The fire provided for fireplace was the only thing that illuminated her.

He rolled the little minty candy under his tongue, smiling playfully.

"Hello there, stranger," he says keeping his hands inside his sweatpants' pockets and walking towards her as she turned her head to see him.

"Hi, stranger," she chuckles seeing him sit at her feet. Her gaze reviewed what he was wearing. She remembered that hoodie.

"What are you reading?" he asked before turning his head to look at her as he chewed the candy in his mouth. Her long-sleeve black loose pyjama-shirt showing a little of her left shoulder's skin.

"It's called... _'The Crimes of Love'_ ," she sighed. "Fleur gave it to me, it's by this person... What was his name? Um... Marquis de Sade, yes," she said reading the book's cover. "It's quite... Sexual."

"I didn't know that you were so filthy, Vaughan," he chuckled seeing her roll her eyes amusingly.

"That's not why I'm reading it, Malfoy," she sighed. "It's supposed to be about villains satisfying their most depraved passions... But... They are suffering under the thrall of love and the tragedy, despair and death are inevitable... This book is just... Is beautiful," she mumbles. And he is hypnotised by her voice. "And they aren't villains... They're capable of love. Although they murder and blah, blah, blah... But I think I see villains since a different perspective, I don't know, but — oh, shit, I talked too much," a nervous laugh bubbles out of her throat as her cheeks acquire a rosy colour. "I'm sorry — I always talk too much—"

He grabbed her ankle and with agility he pulled her until she was laid completely.

_What would you do if someone else touches her?_ Asks the voice in his head again.

_Kill that motherfucker_ , answers his own voice in his head.

"Keep talking," he muttered parting her thighs and placing himself between them. "Keep fucking talking all your life," he breathed supporting his hands by the sides of her head. His minty and fresh breath splashes on her face. "Your voice drives me mental."

And she's, for first time in all her life, _speechless_.

Her hands let fall the book and grabbed his neck, brushing their lips together before her teeth caught his lower lip between them.

His lip breaks free from her teeth and both of them caught her upper lip when she opened her mouth in a drowned gasp. His hand slides down the curve of her waist and makes her shudder when it makes contact with her skin underneath the fabric.

And both entered in a drug-side effect. Like waking up and falling asleep. Like opening your arms in the middle of the night as you feel the freedom and the rain wets you.

The following day, both collided gazes at breakfast. And his mind can't help but divagate between the taste of her cherry lips and how warm had felt all his body as her hands travelled up underneath the fabric of his jumper.

And all starts with little, playful glances, smirks and rolled eyes. _The bargaining._

Starts with bargaining with his brain and thoughts.

With staring at her for several seconds as she reads or writes in class. He has discovered her favourite authors are Phineas Bourne, Blossom Degrasse, Amorette Deneuve, Argo Pyrites, Lukas Karuzos and Charles Demengeot. Her favourite book is _Flaws of a Clearing_ by Deneuve — not happy at all. A man falls in love with a flower, or perhaps was obsession, and when it dies, he commits suicide. The book is bizarre.

Starts with playing with her fingers as both lay down and stare at the stars from the Astronomy Tower and knowing her favourite star is Vega from Alpha Lyrae.

Starts when his lips met hers very day in the middle of the night when no one's looking. With knowing being alone with him — just his presence — is her way of coping.

Starts with his fingers playing with her soft curls and counting how many black strands it has as she falls asleep next to him.

Stars with knowing she takes her tea with milk and two spoons of sugar. And she loves the chamomile one.

She loves cherry liquorice wands and the Blue cherry-berry sugar quills. Her favourite biscuits are the vanilla ones with mint.

Starts with looking at her in the eye every day and playfully smile at her before walking towards her and passing an arm over her shoulders to walk.

Starts with long hours under the stars in the early morning until they are able to se the twilight.

Starts with unconsciously leaving his rings on her fingers and letting her wear his jumpers.

Starts with bringing their bodies together almost every single day and not being able to get enough from the other.

Starts with calling her _his_.

Starts with her calling him _hers_.

Draco made sure that no boy approached Leevanna more than five feet apart, although he was still angry every time they approached her. He hated it. He hated thinking about someone else breathing her same pure air, touching her soft skin.

"I can be near whoever I want!" she growled getting off his grip but he grabbed her again by her arm forcefully.

"You're mine," he breathed threateningly as he made a fist holding the hair from the back of her head tight. "You chose stay with the dragon, didn't you?" his eyes piercing hers. " _Mine_."

She let out a soft groan of her lips for his action. But curiously she wasn't scared.

Both breathed on the other's lips.

"You understood what I said?" he growled tightening his grip a bit. " _You're_ fucking _mine_."

She narrowed her eyes at him angrily before she pulled the hem of his shirt to kiss him.

" _Yours_ ," she breathed between the kiss as his hand surrounded her neck while kissing her possessively.

Both despised the other so much for being so explosive all the time. But they could live with that too.

The possessive part inside him grew according to the days, which made him keep the girl by his side all the time. And when he couldn't be with her, he made sure she wore a garment of his: house sweater, his Quidditch robes or his rings. Anything to prove the rest that she was only his.

They fought quite a lot too. Almost every day. No big news though, they love to fight. That's what they do the best.

The blond liked to see her mad when he took her away from other boys, they ended up kissing every time, others she ended up tied by her hands with his tie or other things both had discovered they liked.

He had serious trust issues when it came to persons near him.

She keeps secrets from him though. He was very much aware of that. And that's is okay, perfectly fine, because he hasn't the obligation to tell her any of his secrets.

"Who owled you?" his voice made her jump and fold the letter quickly.

"A — er — my mum," she responded taking her gaze away from his and grabbing her wand to burn the letter. He doesn't ask why she did it. He didn't ask either when she began writing fast before using the stamp.

"You finished?" he asked fixing his eyes on her owl that had just step on his dorm's window.

"Yeah, yeah," she sighed handing the letter to the owl and seeing it leave. "We're going to Hogsmeade, right?"

Draco nodded.

"Oh, you've got a letter too," she said when her gaze lowered to the paper in his hand. He looked at it too.

And he doesn't tell her his mum was the sender. With the news his acceptance to spend a few days as a watcher in the Ministry in the holidays, came also questions about how the green-eyed was doing.

But she doesn't have to know that.

"Yeah, granny Druella," he answered and she nodded before both stepped out of the dorm.

Keeping a few secrets wasn't big deal.

Trust issues came when they were near other people. Even the ones they call friends.

But it didn't seem to bother her, she had quite of that too — maybe more than he did.

And they don't know if that's okay.

They were learning with each other.

And that was too dangerous.

Because they didn't have any type of control of what they were doing.

They were going too fast, to much speed. They were going to crash for that speed. Making a big explosion.

They weren't a couple though — as Witch Weekly said in its recent report.

Every time someone asked if they were dating or something like that, they looked at each other confused and shook their heads quickly. They did not said they were a 'thing' — they were trying to keep their business in low-low. Just for themselves and no one else. Nobody knew about them.

They weren't dating. They weren't a couple.

But... What they were then?

"What are we?"

"That's a very good question," Draco chuckled before she hit him with a small pillow still sitting on him.

He held her waist looking at her. Her naked body was gorgeous.

"I'm yours and you're mine," he said sighing.

"What an honour," she said playfully making him roll his eyes before kissing her.

They were theirs.

They didn't like tags, not cheesy names or behaviour. It was their way. That worked for them.

They didn't say to the other they liked each other either because they hate the other.

They really did — they wanted to believe that.

At night, they usually stayed in Slytherin's common room reading in front of the fire, sometimes they made out in the hallways at midnight, but lately, Leevanna always slept in Draco's room until morning, when she returned to her dorm before Lhu woke up.

And he was starting to like seeing her in the morning every day.

He was starting to depend on her presence.

He hates that.

Though there were days when they didn't talk at all. Although they shared almost all of the classes, they just didn't look at each other, or talk or even approached. They did that because they knew it drove the other metal, almost on the edge of pure madness. Because they couldn't get enough from each other.

They could be in the same room, the same table, breathing the same air... And they just... They just avoided the other. After that — maybe days, but not more than four or five —, they finally collided glances and approached the other in silent.

They growled softly when they saw the other or rolled their eyes — even looked at each other with despise —, then, not being able to spend any more single second separated, he sat on an armchair and she sat on one of his legs while both read; his hand always on her thigh and her hand above it with one of his rings on her finger.

They irradiated _power_.

Power was a good word — dangerous, but a good one.

Draco wondered exactly what he felt about Leevanna, and he also wondered if she felt the same thing. He thought about her more than he probably should.

But that wasn't a problem.

The problem was that he didn't know if it was okay. If the way he wanted to keep her by his side was healthy.

He just wanted to make her his, completely.

Not like a slave, he would never be capable of doing that. It was un-human.

But he wanted her to be his... That she needed him the way that he was needing her.

He really didn't know how to express it.

But he despised her for making him feel that.

He smiled genuinely when he saw her caressing the crin of one of the unicorns in the Care of Magical Creatures class, the animal seemed to love her, which hypnotised everyone for several minutes. Then another unicorn approached her and Hagrid helped her get on the animal to ride it.

He knows they are her favourite creatures next to dragons and fairies.

And her favourite flowers are Valerians and Magnolias.

She smiled at him when the unicorn passed by his side.

Yeah, he was lucky to have her.

He was despising her so much that his heart beat even faster when she was close.

He would not admit it though, that he was starting to feel even more things according the months passed.

Why he just couldn't leave her? Why he could not be separated from her?

She was so good to him... She was too much for him... She felt too right.

He didn't deserve seeing her every morning in his bed with the sunlight colliding with her naked skin.

He didn't deserve to be able to hear her beautiful laugh.

He didn't deserve to able to caress her tender and soft skin every day or ran his fingers through her silky hair.

She was too good for him.

And he hates that.

Because he was starting to fall.

He was falling.

But it was too soon... _Too fast._

Why it couldn't be slower? Why they couldn't just burn slower?

Everything was too much speed between them.

And it started, by the end of the school year. _The acceptation._

"I'm sorry to wake you," she said with her view fixed on the stars.

He _hates_ her more than glorious body and side profile.

"Leevanna Vaughan, the Ice Queen, apologising? Who are you and what have you done with her?" He replied and smiled when he saw that he'd made her laugh.

He _hates_ her beautiful and at the same time sad smile, she had at that time. He _hates_ all her smiles.

He _hates_ that she made him smile.

"Fuck off," she laughed. "But really — I'm so sorry... You should be sleeping and now you're here—"

"You're mine and I'm yours, remember?" he said raising an eyebrow. "And I cannot sleep either, so..." He chuckled.

"I was just being polite, y'know?" she teased before chuckling softly.

"Wait — this isn't Opposite Day? Like — saying the opposite you want to?"

"Piss off," she laughed again.

She'd woke him up about half an hour ago because of a nightmare and he'd decided to take her to The Astronomy Tower.

He _hates_ worrying and caring about her.

"It's only that... I cannot sleep," she said after a few seconds of silence sighing. "I cannot hear _those_ screams again."

He despised her alluring, cold but reassuring and calming and sweet voice.

"Then I'll stay with you every night you need," — though he has no idea what she's talking about — he told her turning his head in her direction, she imitated his action.

He _hates_ her beautiful but cold green eyes which looked at him with such joy.

"D'you think I'm a bad person?" She asked looking into his eyes.

He _hates_ her flawless and gorgeous features.

"Our parents raised us differently, without warmth, but that doesn't make us bad people. We're not bad people," he replied guiding his gaze back to the sky. "We're like our emblem, the snake: sleek, _powerful_ , and frequently misunderstood."

He _hates_ wanting her to know that she was safe with him.

"Thank you, Draco," she said smiling before looking at the stars again.

He was falling.

Falling hard.

Then Draco realised that of course, he _hates_ her. She was fun to be around. She was smart, with a brilliant and diamond mind. She was funny. She was gorgeous. She was different. She always spoke her mind. She had the best laugh. She was broken, just like him, but she was perfect.

He was starting to fall in love with Leevanna because _she was her._

By the Gods, he hates that.


	11. Anxiety

_"PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!"_

_"NO! PLEASE! Please..."_

_"DON'T HURT HER! Hurt me! PLEASE! I-I'd do whatever!"_

_"PLEASE!"_

Leevanna huffed and saw the hour on the clock of her nightstand.

Five twenty in the early morning.

At least she'd been able to sleep more than two hours — it had been three this time.

Her hands slid down and up her face, rubbing it and weeping the frenzied tears her cheeks and eyes had. Her eyes remained close for a second.

 _No_.

She couldn't go back to sleep.

Maybe she could use some of the pills she had from previous years — _no_.

She'd become addicted and dependant just having eleven years old and she couldn't go back to those times, she had promised herself that. And also, the pills hadn't helped at all, they just made her brain go fuzzy for some hours.

"Bloody fantastic," she mumbled covering her face with the small pillow by her side. She drowned a scream in her throat, trying not to release it and wake up Lhu, who was peacefully sleeping in the bed of the other side of the room.

The black-and-white-haired took the edge of her covers and pulled it roughly, discovering her body as she stood up.

She hates bedtime.

Her gaze returned to Lhu again, hearing how she mumbled something about being a little butterfly as she embraced the pillow on her side tightly. Leevanna pressed her lips trying not to laugh. Her best friend always had amusing dreams and she told her about them the next morning — Lhu was that kind of friend.

Her feet guided her to the bathroom connected to their room, where she splashed her face with a bit of water to clean the tears before she shook her hands and supported them on the edges of the sink. Her gaze drifted to the mirror and fixed on herself.

The little purple bruises on her collarbones and low part of her neck had almost faded away.

She huffed again before growling. She should be searching for more spells to cover them and not let her mind divagate among memories when her eyes found them.

She was trying to keep it low-low and the bloody marks he always left on her skin weren't bloody helping — though she was starting to suspect that some of her friends were already suspecting about them being a 'something'.

They hadn't talked for two days now, they'd avoided each other just because yes. Though it was funny, for both of them. They found that quite entertaining — driving the other mental was more than amusing.

But... She was starting to feel more things.

_Bloody teenage hormones._

She despised it, feeling those weird tickles in her belly when his eyes met hers or vice-versa.

She did not know what the hell was those 'tickles' but she did know that they were bad and she had to stop them.

He was like those pills for being able to finally sleep. _Addictive_.

But the effects did not last as much as before and started feeling like decaf. She wanted, no — needed — more pills, more doses of it, ridiculous amounts of more prescriptions of those pills that intoxicated her every time — _more of him._

He was her drug. Her sleep pill.

Her fingers found the tiny star pendant. It shines like the diamond it is. Remembers what he said — _whispered_ — when he put it on her.

_"My stars, all of them, for you."_

Fucks's holy fucking sake. She hates him.

She took the hair-tie over the stand and made a high, messy ponytail before she turned off the bathroom's lights. Her eyes fixed again on the clock on the nightstand.

Five twenty-five in the fucking early morning.

Then she looked at the book over the armchair on her side of the room. She'd planned to take her time with that book and read it at least in a week, but she couldn't help and grab it before opening the dorm's door carefully to not make any type of sound, then she closed it again. She was a bookworm.

Air escaped her lips when she gave a little sigh as going down the few stairs that connected the girls' dorms with the common room. She frowned when she heard footsteps from the other side of the place.

And she looked up.

And he looked up.

Both froze and lowered their gazes to the other's hands, finding that they'd thought about doing the same thing just that with different books.

Both cleared their throats.

"Malfoy," she muttered starting to walk again.

"Vaughan," he greeted, also walking.

Both sat on the same couch without realising it. They glanced at the other for a second before their hands opened the books on their laps and their eyes tried to fix on the pages. Her eyes fixed on the common-room clock.

Half-past five.

She raised her legs, crossing them over the sofa and supporting her book over them as her elbow found the sofa's arm and her head her semi-fist. She let herself relax and concentrate in the Muggle book called _'The Bluest Eye'_ that Lhu had given her a few days ago. She'd at first resisted — because of the fucking name it had — but when she read the first page, she just couldn't get enough of it.

But now she was despising the book.

> _I stretch my legs open, and he's on top of me. Too heavy to hold, and too light not to. He puts his thing in me. In me. In me. I wrap my feet around his back so he can't get away. His face is next to mine. The bedsprings sounds like them crickets used to back home._

Her cheeks blushed a little.

Draco, for his part, couldn't stop glancing her very two seconds since he arrived at the Slytherin common room. Her messy ponytail was killing him slowly, in the most torturous way.

He noticed her rosy cheeks and how her breathing had become a bit more elaborated as she kept reading.

His eyes glanced her once again and reviewed her body — the posture she has. Her fingers were now pressing the skin of her thigh before one of them started drumming softly as she got lost on the lines of the page. He saw how her hips bucked softly when she accommodated her posture.

When she glanced him, he quickly took off his gaze.

She bit the inner part of her cheek trying not to smile as she lowered her gaze again — but she couldn't help and glance him yet again. When his eyes met hers, she quickly lowered her gaze.

He glanced her a bit more, seeing how her soft curls slid and left the skin of her neck, leaving it discovered for him. The tip of his tongue passed across his teeth before it twirled against the inside of his cheek to then passing it by the tip of his fang trying not to smirk when he saw the little and almost faded little purple marks on her skin under the shining necklace.

Two days and they were still there. He felt proud of himself.

Her gaze fixed on him again, glancing slightly as she saw how his legs parted a bit more and his hips bucked softly as he accommodated his posture. His head still supported on his semi-fist. She lowered her gaze again, biting her lower lip to then release it slowly as she felt his glance.

They were provoking the other.

She allowed her finger slid up across her thigh, caressing it slowly before sliding down again.

He hid a smile supporting his lips against his fist before he twirled a finger over his leg and made a small movement — like pulling something.

She cleared her throat lightly as she looked away.

_Bastard._

She made a small jump — so barely visible that you would miss it if you don't pay attention.

It was his turn to clear his throat lightly and take his gaze away.

_Little—_

He pressed his middle fingers against the fabric of his pyjama pants before he moved it in a circular motion, still pressing.

She is so lost on the movement of his finger that she almost forgets what they were doing.

Both look at each other in the eye for a second.

She raised her eyebrows, trying to hide her playful smirk.

He raised his eyebrows two, rolling his tongue against the inside of his cheek.

_It is the hormones, just that_ , said the voices in their heads.

She sighed and closed her book over her lap at the same time he did.

Both looked at each other again.

_Bloody fucking filthy teenage hormones_ , but this time was barely a mutter.

She chuckled softly and took off the hair-tie, undoing the ponytail. Fixes her eyes on him again, he was still looking at her, just that now he had a raised eyebrow.

She shrugged playfully.

At the same time she lowered a leg from the sofa, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her until she was very close to him.

"Going somewhere, Vaughan?" he said making her roll her eyes in amusement.

"You know... I was a bit tired," she sighed sliding her hand up over his thigh. "A bit bored too..."

She was kneeled next to him — very close to his body — as he still had grabbed her wrist in front of his face.

"Bored?" he asked pretending not knowing anything. "And why the Ice Queen is bored if I may ask?"

"Wanting to mind your majesty business, aren't we?" She raised an eyebrow making him chuckle.

"...My majesty..." He savoured the word in his mouth, taking his gaze away from her as he passed the tip of his tongue across his teeth — this time open-mouth — before he looked again at her in the eye. "I did not know I have a majesty."

"Well..." She muttered sliding her finger up to his sweater, following the movement with her gaze. "...Now you have it..." And her eyes were again on his.

"Mm-mm...no," he shakes his head as he placed a hand on the outside part of her thigh to sit her on him. "Why would _I_ , Draco Malfoy, want to have a majesty?"

He gave her thigh a little squeeze.

Her breath starts shaking as her hands slid under the fabric of his jumper, feeling his warm skin against her cold hands.

Their foreheads are pressed and their mouths are barely touching.

"Because you love how this majesty moves when is on top of you," she breathes.

His hand made a tight fist with her hair, pulling her closer to him, making her release a little subtle and breathy gasp.

"Always the correct answer, don't we?" he laughs breathlessly against her lips.

"Years of practice," she laughs making their lips brush.

Both looked at each other's lips, not being able to resist any second more as they join them together in a desperate kiss as they hadn't kissed the other in so long.

Drugs. Addictive drugs.

He dragged his tongue up along hers, wet and filthy as they seem to play — fight with each other as small barely audible sighs escape their lips.

Her teeth catch his lower lip between them and she pulls a bit before kissing him again, feeling his hands press the backs of her bare thighs. Her cheeks stain red when she remembers that she isn't wearing anything underneath except her knickers — though he doesn't seem to realise it.

His big, strong but gentle hands began to stroke her — every part of his body was stroking her, his hands, his lips, his tongue.

Gentle but desperate. Not frightening. Just how she likes. Knowing what he was doing. She feels her nipples rise.

She allows her body to raise and her fingers tangle in his hair, crawling on her knees before she sat again, pressing their bodies even more.

His hand now finds the end of her jawline and slides up her cheek until it enters her hair, feeling the texture as he caresses it.

A sharp breath breaks free from her mouth.

He slides his hands up her waist over the fabric of her silk black pyjama-shirt and grabs tightly before skilfully changing positions.

Now his body is above hers, his hand supported by the sides of her face and his knees by the sides of her legs. Still kissing, tongues fighting and licking, filthy and wet. Her hands find his neck, pressing her fingers against his skin as she pulls him closer. Her back arches.

Hormones. Hormones. Hormones.

Drugs. Drugs. Drugs.

Was even a difference at this point?

When she felt his hand sliding down the curve of her waist, she intertwined her leg with his and, in a skilful and practised maneuverer, she ended sit on him again.

"I am _not_ having sex on a couch," she breathed against his lips as she feels his hands travelling down her body again until they held her hips tightly.

"Exigent, are we?" he lets escape a breathy laugh of his lips against her jaw.

"It must be the surname," she laughs before letting escape a small, subtle moan of her lips when his mouth made contact with the skin of her neck, over the other small bruises.

"What were you doing with Pucey in the morning?" he asks before his lips press and suck her akin leaving another mark.

"None of your business," she answers.

His teeth nip her skin before his tongue slides up her jugular, searching the perfect place to—

He bites.

And sucks.

Leaving another little bruise that she doesn't care about thinking how to cover when another sharp, breathy groan left her lips.

"You're mine," he whispers against her neck and his hands press her arse. "I don't want anybody near you," voice against her jaw. And she shivers, bows her body to him before her hands find his hair and pull him to her.

"Yours," she whispers and the last letters breaks in a low whimper.

His mouth finds her earlobe, then the tip of his tongue does before his teeth bit gently, suckling. She presses her body more against him, moving her hips slowly and provocative. He let escape a soft, sharp growl and his breath gusts against her ear — it drives her mental and even more desperate.

She couldn't get enough of him. She wanted the ache between her thighs, feel him in her all the time. His weight on top of her or maybe under, she doesn't care. She wants to squeeze him in further and further, wants to watch his face as he let escape those little and beautiful sound of his lips. She wanted his sweat to drop onto her as she drops hers onto him, mixing.

Drugs. Hormones. Drugs. Hormones.

His hand snaked across the curve of her neck and surrounds it. Presses her throat with his fingers gently. His rings pressing too. And she remembers she gave him a silver, Celtic ring with a sun design — unspoken indirect. His thumb collides with her lips and she just has this necessity of... Biting it — slowly, gently.

And another breathy growl leaves his lips as she presses her teeth. His eyes watching every move. She lowers her head as she keeps suckling. Her eyes never leaving his.

"Stop," Draco says when he hears footsteps while taking his thumb out of Leevanna's mouth as she lifts her head. "I think someone is coming."

She raised an eyebrow pressing her body closer to Draco's and moving her pelvis provoking him, he placed his hands on her hips trying to stop her.

She was a fast learner, she's discovered pretty quickly all the movements that turned him on in a matter of seconds.

"I'm being serious," he continued, grabbing her harder and pulling her upright stopping her movements in once. She giggled.

"Don't be boring... I want to see your cheeks glow red as they see us," she said in his ear teasing him before kissing his neck and laugh.

"Oh, so now you want to have sex on a couch?" he teases making her chuckle again and nods as he turns his head to fix his gaze on the dungeons' entrance. "If it's Snape, we're fucked."

"I will ask him to join us then," she said in his ear, then she passed the tip of her tongue across his earlobe before biting it gently. Her arms surround his neck before she seeks for his lips to finally kiss him.

"You're crazy," he laughed forgetting what he had heard and returning the kiss.

"But you like that," she said feeling how his veiny hand surrounded her neck again. Draco began slowly kissing down her jawline and her neck, leaving a fresh trail of new little bruises hearing the girl's little, breathy moans. Now her cheeks were glowing red.

"You were saying about the cheeks?" he mocked.

"Piss off."

What had started as quiet reading because of their sleep problems had become a fairly exciting sexual and teasing game, and both were pretty proud of themselves for knowing how to provoke the other with the simplest actions.

Luckily, the steps that Draco had heard had been nothing more than the fire making echo against the stone.

Leevanna wrapped her legs around the blond's waist feeling his hands holding her from the arse before lifting her and starting to walk in the direction of his private bedroom.

She liked that part of Draco, so possessive, dominating and wild.

Oh, for Salazar's sake. She had just admitted it.

She despises him.

Yeah... _Hates_ — Oh, to the same shite.

Once he closed the door, he sat her on a desk and then began to unbutton her green silk nightgown. Draco looked at her with a raised eyebrow and a playful smirk when he realised they she did not have anything underneath it except for her underwear. She just shrugged.

He took the back hem of his sweater and pulled it above his head to take it off.

The green-eyed one surrounded his neck with her arms, drawing him closer while he pushed the silky fabric backwards. She took her head back when she felt the boy's lips make contact with the skin of her neck and chest again.

She moaned when she felt how one of Draco's cold fingers began to make circles on her clit above her underwear — skilful fingers. She frowned at him when she felt him stop, which made him chuckle against her jaw before kissing her lips and bent the desk until he found his tie.

They liked the tie so much.

She entangled her legs at his waist and was left in bed with some rough. He placed himself between her legs and tied her hands with the green tie, then covered her eyes with a bandage that was on the nightstand.

Another thing they had discovered they liked.

His hand climbed her leg slowly, his breath with hints of mint and lemon balm splashing against her cherry. His finger traced up her thigh, making a whimper leave her mouth.

He touches her so good.

Draco left a kiss on her lips at the same time that he found her clit with his fingers again. So swollen and moist.

With his index finger, he stroked it. Rubbing it in a coaxing, circular motion. Massaging it while he continued to listening to her moans of pleasure.

 _Purrs_... Like a kitten... A delicious and tiny but dangerous kitten.

The combination of the cold of his fingers and the aggressiveness with he stroked her were fascinating. Leevanna felt how he increased and slowed down, torturing her, and feeling his hot breath on her face made her moan even more.

They'd discovered a lot of things regarding sex, things they were trying and exploring — they were open to whatever the other suggested.

When she felt one of his thick fingers sank into her without warning, the air left her for a second, then she felt another, which made her arch her back moaning as the coloured spots made her vision blurry. The blond's fingers were already completely wet because of her own lubrication, which made him smirk.

The white-and-black-haired one felt a current travelling down her spine. She turned her hands into fists, the way Draco moved his fingers faster and faster made her want to touch him and desperate her not being able to do it — but she loved it.

That he didn't let her touch him until he was done with her had been one of the things they discovered they liked, by chance. It had been a few days ago after they both yelled at each other and then kissed. He had just untied his green tie and grabbed her wrists before he tied her.

She'd asked what was he doing — not as a complain, she would never complain, but she was curious and a bit nervous — and he'd told her that he wanted to experiment with that. She'd agreed and let him throw her on the bed before making another knot on the headboard.

Both had enjoyed it, that was the important part.

"Don't cum yet," he whispered in her ear causing her goosebumps.

She gasped when she felt his hot breath on her belly's skin. She wasn't going to stand much. She arched her back moaning when she felt Draco's mouth latching onto the spot between her thighs. Her whole body trembled as she felt his tongue entering her.

He was eating her effortlessly, like a fucking God — as he always did.

His tongue explored parts of her that she didn't even know that existed. She didn't know how he found them, he just did it.

The tentative licks and snake-like tongue effects she had expected were nowhere to be found. He was placing wide, wet, open-mouthed kisses on her — like when someone could get enough from their dessert and passes their tongue through the whole plate to clean it and enjoy every part of it, without any single drop of regret.

" _You_..." he breathed against her. "You taste so fucking good."

He liked talking to her — saying how much he enjoyed making her squirm under him as he twirled his tongue making her jerk and jolt, how much he enjoyed her sweet taste filling his mouth.

He licks, sucks and closes his lips hard over her, again and again, and again. The gasps _he_ was giving, for holy Salazar's sake — that made her moan even more.

She was absolutely loving how his tongue moved inside her. And his growls and gasps... Like a fucking symphony.

 _Slytherins_ , they say.

The snakes are their emblem after all.

Her thighs began to shake as they pressed his head softly. Her back arching every time he introduced his tongue inside her wet entrance and her breathy moans were music for him.

Her purrs drove him crazy.

"God..." she moaned, loudly and unable to control herself for much more after several seconds feeling how to orgasm was building inside her.

" _Cum for me_ ," his deep voice caused those tickles in her stomach and, when she felt his tongue again inside her, she didn't hold it anymore.

Draco cleaned the thread of saliva of his lower lip with the back of his wrist and saw how she bit her lower lip trying to control her panting breath. A ragged sigh came out of her pink lips when he began to move his index finger linearly on her clit. With his free hand, he took the bandage out of her eyes and untied her hands while she moaned on his lips.

Leevanna quickly changed the position and sat on him by placing her hands on his bare torso.

"My turn," she whispered in his ear before taking his cock with one of her hands and starting to massage it from top to bottom, she smiled when she heard a moan drowned in the blond's throat.

She had the power now and has learned a lot of things since the last time — and the majority part of it was her own merit.

The last weeks she had decided to join Lhu and some other girls to their usually pyjama-party — thing that she didn't do very often — and at some point of the night the girls had started talking about sex — every fucking type of sex they knew about — and Leevanna had paid extremely attention when they started talking about how to give oral sex, she hadn't said anything, but she was attentive.

She'd listed how those girls talked about how to breathe correctly to not choke or feeling like puke, also the movements boys liked — without teeth, just lips and tongue —; she'd also listened to how they talked about the tastes some of the boys had — salty or hotdog-water were the worst; slightly metallic or sweet were the bests — and she hadn't been able to avoid and think that Draco was like the second type, _sweet_.

The girls had also talked about the sizes they had seen — sluggish and short; hard, thick and long — and Leevanna hadn't helped and blushed a bit, attracting the other girl's attention with that — she'd tried to stay silent all night and just listen while she read. They had asked her if she could say something about Draco, she had refused at first but then she just said _'second in all and voila.'_

"Hell... You... _Aha_...Fuckin' angel..." and his voice breaks in a growl. "Le... 'anna... Fuck," he whispers darkly.

Leevanna Vaughan was the brightest and fastest learner ever. She loves to make him lose control in this way. Feels so powerful and on the world's top.

And although Draco hated not seeing her being submissive at what he did to her, it was a fucking guilty pleasure seeing her with the power.

She settled on the bed and took her head back when she felt one of the blond's hands picked her hair up hard. She took his cock with one hand and passed her tongue all over his tip before slowly sliding it inside her mouth. Just lips, no teeth — how the girls had said.

He gasped feeling her warm tongue pass all the length of his dick and finish on the tip, his back hit the head of the bed even more.

She started sucking his thick tip slowly, twirling her warm tongue around it as she pressed.

Then her rosebud mouth slowly started letting most of his cock inside it.

He held her hair stronger and pushed her head down, he liked the way she gagged on it — because she was still learning how not do it, but the sounds she made drove him mental and he wasn't going to complain if she didn't learn how not to do them anymore.

Draco took his head back feeling the climax coming already after a few minutes. That girl didn't make him last very long, but it really didn't matter to him. Her doe eyes locked at his as she looked up at him. He took her hair hard and raised his head.

"Leevanna Vaughan, fastest learner of her age," a breathy laugh escaped his lips making her shrug playfully. " _Good girl_ ," he muttered under his breath, she smiled satisfied.

Leevanna sat on his cock as he took her hips tightly and moved his lips towards her neck.

The green-eyed one nailed the blond's back and leaned her head on his shoulder feeling how he penetrated her harder and aggressively; she cried in pleasure.

Draco put a hand around her neck and was fascinated to see the submission in Leevanna's eyes — she had acquired that look since they had to start to have sex and it was accentuating even more.

At least when she looked at him.

He started kissing her chest and neck leaving dark bruises on her skin. He surrounded her with his arms attracting her more to his while she entangled her fingers between the blond's hair and moaned on his lips between every kiss.

He supported his head on Leevanna's shoulder feeling the orgasm built on his body. She clung to him feeling how a current ran through her back and her legs were beginning to tremble again.

After a couple of minutes, she let escape a loud moan from her lips when she felt her body liberated. The blue-grey-eyed one clung strongly to her small body coming inside her. Both gasped tiredly before joining their lips with despair and possessiveness.

The sky was beginning to lighten behind the window and the crazy hormones infecting them again.

Because that's how adolescence is supposed to be, a life filled with crazy hormones that don't let you think clearly and make stupid decisions — which you might regret later or not. That's the way it goes in adolescence. You try things out in the dark, when the grouping is anonymous and blind.

It's a kind of fugue state full of coloured spots that blurry your vision and tickles that settle in your belly, anyway, early sex and emotions. Before the real routine sets in, _or the love_.

Whatever comes first, hours later, when the sunlight started settling even more behind the windows, illuminating the most darker places where the affairs happened once, Leevanna snorted.

"The dragons aren't so scary," her lips still curved up in a smile. "They're very lovely if you get to know them," she continues looking at him. "And your name translates to Dragon, you cannot be afraid."

"Of beasts that can eat me in a single bite?" he raised an eyebrow, playing with one of her curls. "Of course I can."

She rolled her eyes in amusement.

"You're so annoying that they would puke you," and her laugh made him roll his eyes playfully. "Anyways, I have to go, Lhu is going to wake up soon."

"What's this, Cinderella? You use me and then leave?"

"Oh, poor you," she laughs. "But, yes, I used you as a sexual slave," and she winks at him teasingly before he gave her a little spank over the fabric of her nightgown before she could stand up making her laugh.

Draco denied with his head, trying not to chuckle as he watches her walk towards the bathroom connected to his room. He sighs. His gaze drifted to the nightstand by his side, when the book he took the other night was supposed to be.

He stands up, running his fingers through his hair and pushing it backwards, leaving a few strands toppling his browns. His hand takes the cup from his desk and he drank the water in it with a hand on his hipbone over his black sweatpants's l fabric.

Hearing a few and rushed mumbles behind the door makes him frown softly before he drinks the liquid in one and leaves the cup on the desk again. His head turned when he heard the bathroom door being open, where a Leevanna with a soft frown is.

At the same time, the door was open.

"Draco, have you seen my under—"

And the, now, six people's eyes widened open as they stared at each other.

"Told you!" said Theodore Nott excited towards Lhu and Daphne. "They were here."

"... _Wear_..." mumbled Leevanna.

"Two sickles more!" celebrated Theo, now towards Pansy. "Go, Theo... Go, Theo," he started humming playfully.

"I—" tried Draco still in shock. "What the hell are you four doing in my room?"

"What the hell is she doing in your room looking for her knickers?" laughed Pansy pointing Leevanna with raised eyebrows.

"We—" Draco looked at the green-eyed.

"We were—" the green-eyed looked at Draco.

And maybe if they could be able to coordinate and answer and didn't said _'playing chess'_ and _'painting'_ , their friends may not have laughed.

"Yeah, you were painting a whole renaissance thing," mocked Daphne. "She was your Venus and he was your David or what?"

"My _what_?" Draco asked confused.

"Is the goddess of sex, love, war and beauty, also known as Aphrodite for the Greeks—" said the green-eyed without being able to avoid it before everyone looked at her with a raised eyebrow making her deny with her head. "Anyways, we— I— what hour is it?"

"Almost half-past eight," chuckled Lhu making Leevanna realise their slip on time had caused everything. "Come on you know-it-all, you and I are going to talk."

"Yeah— yeah... Um, my..."

"Here," mumbled Draco extending her the lace fabric. She took it quickly and grabbed Lhu's wrist pulling her out of the room.

"Want to have a little chat too, blondie?" mocked Theo making Pansy and Daphne laugh. "Want to talk about protec—"

"Get the fuck out of my room," Draco rolled his eyes pushing Theo, Daphne and Pansy out before he closed the door.

Well, they tried to keep it low-low.

As Leevanna grabbed her book from the couch of the Slytherin common room after she put on her knickers, Lhu looked at her with playfully narrowed eyes while they headed to their dorm.

Barely both girls arrived at their dorm, Lhu let out a loud laugh.

"Wait— why— why are you laughing?" asked Leevanna not being able but chuckle too.

"Y-Your face! Ha!" the curly-haired gasped before she laughed again. "Draco's face! Oh, holy Salazar..." she breathed, now just chuckling. "The best way to start the morning."

"Wait— so, you're not angry with me for not... Telling you? About — you know..."

"Of course not!" she chuckled, grabbing a brush from their dressing table. "I even bet with the twins, Lee, Theo, Daphne and Pansy about it," she shrugged smiling as Leevanna rolled her eyes amusingly. "I won by the way."

"You always win," the green-eyed laughed as she headed to the bathroom to take a bath.

Half an hour later, while Lhu tried making her friend talk about her 'situation' with Malfoy, Leevanna searched for a charm to cover the little marks on her skin.

"We're not dating," huffed the green-eyed finally finding what she wanted and grabbing her wand. "We don't date, because—"

"—because dating is not your thing," Lhu completed for her, rolling her eyes in amusement. "I'm just happy that you have someone to shag with."

"Yeah, I guess," Leevanna breathed. "Let's go, shall we? I'm starving."

"Leevanna Vaughan hungry? What the hell has Malfoy done to you?"

"Oh, shut it," the girl laughed as she closed the door.

When both girls arrived at The Great Hall, the laughs of Pansy, Daphne and Theodore received them. The second one was using two celery sticks making them 'kiss' as the first one mentioned held her belly and her cheeks glowed red.

"Oi, Vaughan!" Laughed Theo. "Guess who are these celery sticks?" And he made the sticks 'kiss' again as he made sounds with his mouth.

Draco, at his side, covered his face with one hand and slid it down just leaving his index finger flexed against his hand and his chin supported on the rest of his hand.

"Please, end with my suffering," he implored looking at Leevanna.

"Electric chair or execution?" she asked, playfully raising an eyebrow as she sat next to him.

"I was going for the Killing Curse but if you put the options on the table... Execution," he sighed. "Make sure my head is donated to the Gryffin-losers common room."

"I'll make sure of it," she let out a sigh from her lips as she took a blueberry from the blond's plate. "Make sure your ghost tells the executioner to kill me next," and he nodded. Both turned their heads towards their friends when they realised there was no sound.

" _What?_ " both asked.

"Are you guys okay?" asked Daphne frowning confused. Both looked at each other.

"I don't know," the green-eyed shrugged. "Are we okay?"

"Better than ever," he chuckled as both hit fists playfully.

Leevanna took a green apple from a fruit-bowl which was near her and a knife to start cutting it into pieces. Draco took a strawberry from the bowl in front of him as he looked sideways to Leevanna. She looked him in the same way before letting a soft chuckle break free from her lips.

Yeah, they were better than ever. At least for that moment, they were.

Hours later, after the school hours ended, Leevanna closed her book as a sigh left her mouth. The library was about to close.

"Oi, Milly," murmured the girl catching her house-mate attention. "Have you seen Malfoy?"

"No since Charms, in the morning," Millicent responded closing her book. "Why?"

"Nothing, nothing," she denied with her head. "We— er... We have a project for Astronomy, that's all. Thank you, by the way."

"No problem, Leev," she smiled and left the girl alone. The green-eyed frowned softly, confused.

They hadn't had the same schedule that day so she hadn't seen him either since the morning. She kept all her things quickly and put them in her suitcase before leaving the library and walk towards the dungeons. Maybe he was in his room, if not she would go to the Black Lake or The Astronomy Tower.

" _Alohomora_ ," she muttered pointing her wand towards the door, which opened barely she finished talking. She wouldn't waste time knocking. She never did it. "Malfoy?" she said passing her gaze through the room until she spotted the bed, where he was.

Her eyes fixed on the ball he threw and the caught in the air. The room was in the bloom, but she was able to see his school robes.

She sighed and closed the door behind her before sitting on the bed. He threw and caught the ball again.

"Are you there? Somewhere in that brain of yours?" she said playfully. He turned his head in her direction. Her smile fade away when the moonlight made the dry tears on his face shine.

"Apparently not," he whispered. His gaze fixed on the ceiling again before he threw the ball.

Leevanna made a spiral on the cover and let her extra-large brain — how he liked to call it — think. She frowned softly when she remembered Lucius Malfoy greeting her with a roses' bouquet in a hallway for the break after her second morning class. She'd thought that maybe he was looking for Snape or —

"Your father — he was here today," she muttered turning her gaze to him, he nodded. "He... Did he said something to you?"

"Nothing that you haven't heard before," he replied throwing the ball again. His voice had that something that she knew was making his eyes slightly watery.

"You had an anxiety crisis, didn't you?" she sighed. He looked at her and then at the ceiling again before throwing and catching the ball. He nodded. "Move," she said and he removed on the bed leaving her space to lay down. "You know... I was on the library a few moments ago, in the restricted section, and I found a book that tells you how to build an electric chair," she muttered placing her hands on her abdomen. "I know you told me you prefer execution... But... I don't know... Maybe you want to help to build my death sentence..."

And he chuckles softly.

She smiles.

"I'm being serious," she chuckles too. "Are you going to help me or not?"

"Tell me the hour and the date," he says as he lefts the ball fall to the floor as he turns his head to face her. She turned her whole body and placed her hands under her cheek. "Can you... Stay with me?"

"It's not like I was going to eat either," and both chuckled. "I'll stay with you, Draco," she sighed leaving a closed-mouth smile on her face. "You can use me as a teddy bear, I won't complain," and she closes her eyes as she talks, hearing how a laugh bubbles from his throat and then his hand circling her waist.

His face was against her chest and his hand clung even more to her as she felt a bit of that salty water she had let fall a lot of times, wetting her blouse, reaching her skin.

"It's okay... _I won't go anywhere_ ," and a knot formed in her throat as she talks, feeling her eyes burning and letting tears slid down. Her fingers ran through his hair, caressing it slowly and carefully as more slaty water wetted her.

༄

On Sunday, fourteenth of February, Draco didn't let anyone approach Leevanna, not even Lhu or the Weasley twins and especially not Lee.

In fact, both stayed in the blond's private room all day.

Since their friends had found them 'painting and playing chess' a month had passed now.

In all that time both had started letting the other people see them together — not as a couple because they weren't — but as a 'thing'.

' _Flirtation-ship_ ' how Lhu had started calling them. It was more than friends but less than a relationship.

The blond had filled her with all the things she could ask for. From rings, necklaces, expensive clothes and books, sweets to flowers and whispers in her ear.

That day for example he'd given her a box of Blue cherry-berry and Straw-minty-berry deluxe sugar quills next to a jar of Chocoballs.

The fun part had been when flowers popped out from nowhere scaring the shite out of her making him burst into laughter. She'd used a spell to make his hair red for an hour while she ate her sweets and gave him the new series of books he had been looking for.

Now Leevanna wore the blond's shirt with only black panties underneath, while Draco was shirtless and only wore black pants.

He was very possessive with her.

And she was too.

Both had tried to convince themselves and the others that they despised each other.

And they did, they really did. They really hate the other.

But it was impossible not to spend a single bloody second apart from the other. It was too much, too overwhelming. It drove them crazy.

Maybe it was the emotional dependence both have acquired in such a short time. Maybe it was never have that feeling of warmth before and discovering it with the other. Maybe it was never have received much affection and attention before. Maybe it was that they were obsessed. 

He took her by the waist with one hand making her laugh and attracting her to him. He sat her with her back to him and began to leave kisses on the back of her neck. His big body behind her and his arms surrounding her as if he was trying to keep her in that position as an injured little bird — he saw her as an injured little bird, like a little kitten who had got lost and could not find her mummy.

"All your clothes are _huge_ on me," she said taking her head back and leaning it on his shoulder.

She looked so beautiful that way... He could've a perfect sight of her body and touch her in every way he wanted.

"I told you, you're a goblin," he replied smiling on her neck skin and tickling her when he let hot air out his nose. She giggled feeling her skin bristle.

"Very funny," she said rolling her eyes when he put her in bed and placed himself between her legs, beginning to unbutton the shirt and kissing her abdomen. "Merlin, let my poor body rest. Are you a sex machine or what?" He rested his forehead on her naked belly and laughed on her skin.

"I love seeing how you come undone by _my_ touch," he told her pinching her waist making her laugh. "Hearing you moan my name is heaven," he whispered in her ear causing her goosebumps.

The flesh is weak, they say.

"And after that, I can't walk for days," she replied rolling her eyes with amusement as she settled in bed supporting her back on the back of the bed supporting an elbow on the pillow and folding her legs.

"But you love that," he said against her jaw before leaving a kiss on her lips and lay his head on her thighs placing an arm around her legs. Leevanna played with the blond's hair slowly and smiled seeing him relax with her touch.

After a couple of minutes, Draco fell asleep while Leevanna read a book.

She lowered her gaze, turning the book away from her to be able to see him sleep in peace over her thighs. Her fingers ran through his hair, caressing it softly and combing it as he relaxed even more between his dreams.

She rolled her eyes, he looked too peaceful.

She hates that.

But then she smiled seeing his hand pressing her skin as he tried to attract her more to him, as a kid with his teddy bear.

She could let him be peaceful just for that day.

On the 23rd of February, at breakfast, Leevanna watched one of Draco's ring on her ring finger — it was so big around her that every time she lowered her hand it slid reaching her nail, which made her hold it with her thumb before upping her finger to place it right as if the ring danced.

She loved seeing his things on her body.

She frowned softly.

Why did she keep looking at her finger? What was so especial of seeing his rings on her fingers? Why it felt _too_ right?

She just simply couldn't stop looking. It was as if she'd been hypnotised. Her body shuddered a bit as she closed her eyes and tried to make her brain work normally again.

_Fucking, bloody, filthy, arsehole twat._

Lhu and the twins laughed pulling her out of her thoughts, they were at the Slytherin table.

"Love, love," Fred said, putting a hand on his chest dramatically closing his eyes. Lhu placed his hands on George's shoulder looking at her friend with a smile.

"Oh, shut up," she replied rolling her eyes with a smile on her lips.

No, it could _not_ be that.

That word was too dangerous. It felt too right and it was too much speed — they needed to burn slower.

Both kept thinking and trying to convince themselves that it was just the bloody teenage hormones.

Just the crazy hormones.

It had to be just the crazy hormones, right?

"Oops, he already came to kidnap her, from here I don't see you until tomorrow," Lhu said guiding her view to the entrance of The Great Hall through which Draco and some Durmstrang boys were talking. Leevanna bit her lower lip seeing him walk.

He looked so fucking dishy doing something so simple like a walk. Oh, Gods, she despised him for making her belly fill with millions of those tickles, for making her vision blurry with those coloured spots.

His fingers ran through his hair pushing it backwards and leaving a strand or two toppling his eyebrows.

"Tomorrow? You don't see her in two days. What's more, start looking for a wheelcha—," Leevanna pushed George's head down, biting her lower lip making everyone laugh.

"Oi, Malfoy," Fred called him taking a blueberry to his mouth, "could you not leave Leevanna invalid today? We need her to make pranks," he continued trying to hold his laughter.

Draco raised an eyebrow smirking teasingly.

"Fred Weasley!" Leevanna yelled before hitting him with a book that was nearby. Malfoy took her by the waist, leaving a kiss on her cheek.

They glanced a each other a bit and softly frowned confused.

What the bloody hell had been that?

"Unfortunately, that's not possible... But from four to six is available," the blond said, winking to their friends and ignoring what had happened two seconds ago.

Both were confused.

"And remember, I'm very young to be an aunt!" Lhu said laughing when she saw how Draco placed an arm on Leevanna's shoulders and began to go. The green-eyed one stuck out her middle finger without looking at them. The twins and the brunette girl laughed.

They had attracted the attention of some Slytherin members, but they preferred not to get in — in that house (that family), they knew it was not their business, it was just the Ice Queen and the Slytherin Prince subject to care about —, instead, Ron Weasley did speak: "How's it that they can sit on _that_ table?"

"Because they're their friends, Ronald," Hermione replied without taking her gaze out of her book. "Besides, Leevanna isn't the worst person in the world and she looks good with Malfoy."

"Are you mad? Is she mad?" The confused redhead responded and then looked at Harry, who shrugged.

"No," Hermione responded with a soft smile remembering The Yule Ball. Maybe she did like her. Though he still wondered why she had given her a handkerchief when she saw her crying.

" _Mental_ , I'm telling you," Ron whispered in Harry's ear.

The next day, Draco had an anxiety crisis — which he disguised quite well as he always did — not finding Leevanna anywhere.

She had not slept in his dorm with him the night before because she, Lhu and other Slytherin girls wanted to do a pyjama-party or something — the green-eyed had complained about it with him and implored for him to tell her to stay, but he just had laughed and told her to go and socialise once in her life — she'd tried to convince him saying that they were going to talk about sex, but he'd said that she could boast about how he ate her, then she threw him a pillow.

She had told him she would look for him before the task.

But... She hadn't done it.

He knew what the second test consisted and if something happened to her...

Maybe in the stupid pyjama-party, maybe in the path between his private room and her dorm, maybe in the morning as she tried to look for him... It could be any fucking thing that could have happened to her.

The fear was possessing his body.

Gods, he despised her for making him care.

Why did he have to care? Why did he have to worry?

He'd never done it for someone else who wasn't himself and really he wanted to keep it that way... But then— then she had appeared with that sweet and cheerful smile of hers in his life and ruined fucking everything.

He ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back and pulling it a bit with frustration and exasperation.

_Fucking cunt._

He was going to kill her when she appeared.

He _is_ going to bloody choke her until her face become purple before stabbing her with a dagger and setting her body on fire.

She was friends with Cedric and Fleur, she could be under the fucking water of the fucking Black Lake. The worst thing was that the French girl had to get out of the water a lot of time ago because of the Grindylows. Fucking Grindylows, really — those things made him think about her too, fucking hell.

How much could be a person under the water if she was really under it?

Would she be under a spell? A potion? Was she safe? Hurt? The Black Lake had beasts which were dangerous?

Fucking Dumbledore who despised the noble house of Slytherin, surely he wouldn't have bothered in using a spell on the girl — if something happened to her maybe he would say that it had been an accident and then give fucking points to fucking Saint fucking Potter just for had being near the fucking scene.

For Salazar's sake! And if she really wasn't under a fucking spell and she had been attacked and her dead body was now in the fucking bottom of the bloody Black Lake where no one would find her never again?

His brain was not thinking rationally.

The anxiety leaving him without air.

Where the fuck was she?!

Where—

He breathed calmly.

He saw her walk in his direction next to the Weasleys and Lhu laughing, Leevanna was wearing Draco's Quidditch sweater under her black coat.

He approached her quickly and took her arm roughly as the rest walked away chatting.

She looked so _calm_...

The anxiety inside him became anger.

"Where the fuck were you?"

"Oh, George and Lhu didn't want to leave the library," she laughed after saying goodbye to her friends. "Fred and I made a prank on them, that's why their hair was dishevelled, then we accompanied them to make some bets," she ended with a smile, which was erased when she saw the small red veins in Draco's blue-grey eyes and felt how his grip intensified. "What's going on?"

She looked so fucking calm...

And he had been so fucking worried! And for fucking what?!

"What's going on?" He asked with sarcasm releasing the girl's arm rudely. "I've been looking for you for almost _two_ fucking hours, and you ask me what the fuck is going on?" He continued in an angry tone, making Leevanna frown worried. "You know what this fucking task fucking consists of?" She denied confused seeing how he was staring at her and the veins in his eyes intensified, then he denied with his eyes closed before starting to walk away.

_What the hell..._

Even her brain frowned.

Leevanna heard professor Dumbledore say something about how long until the time was up, and she recalled what Cedric Diggory had told her about the clue in the egg a couple of days ago and everything made sense in her head.

_Oh, fuck._

Although she knew she should not be giving any kind of explanation to him of where she had been... Fuck's sake, she knew how his behaviour was.

She stood there for a several minutes snd saw the Hufflepuff boy get out of the water with his girlfriend, Cho, who had to been leaned on the dock's wood so she could breathe normally again.

Had Draco thought that...?

_You, fucking prat._

Then she remembered his red eyes and the intensity with which he had taken her from the arm: an anxiety crisis.

Her eyes watered when she saw Draco next to his friends and saw that he didn't turn to see her.

Why he didn't turn to look at her?

_Look at me... Look at me, please..._

He did not do it.

And it's _her_ fault.

Something inside broke somehow.

She walked in the direction of the twins and Lhu feeling a small tear down her cheek.


	12. Blank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: drug usage, incitement to self-harm and ED.

_Do it._

Her green eyes fixed on the dark-wooden table.

_You know you want it._

Her head hammers, begging for her to listen her inner and cruel voice just for this time. She knows, that would make her feel better, after days, it would make it feel so much better. She feels desperate for relief from guilty feelings. From feelings in general.

But she knows, the relief won't last. The troubles that triggered her decision will remain — that they would just be masked over.

And she is just there, standing, hypnotised by the elegance of the colour and the sharpness.

They are her own way of controlling things.

But she can't. She cannot do it again.

_Do it. Take it._

Her body starts trembling, barely visible but for her withins feels like an earthquake.

It would mesmerise her. She would keep smiling and doing it, and every new decision would send a thrill through her veins. Her head would feel fuzzy, but in a good way, almost as if she was on a soft cloud.

She could remember, how was it to be under its leverage — in its comfortable arms —, her life would be perfect, completely without need, suffering or fears. She could remember it would give her a comfortable, floating, totally content feeling, that she would crave again not long after coming down — but she also remembers that it was a dangerous counterfeit.

It would create a sensation of warmth — the one she needs the most —, fuzziness, drowsiness, and would slow down her over-thinker mind. There would be complete relief from pain. But she cannot. She promised. She would not do it. She can't—

She is weak.

Her eyes close shut, her breathing is heavier and the soreness in her throat makes the air stutter inside her. She needs water, but there's none of it.

_Do it._

And she opens her eyes due to the deep echo the voice in her head has caused.

The tiny and almost imperceptible sheet of sweat makes her skin glow. Her pupils move once side to another. She feels like she's being watched, very closely, like a camera zooming even more with every blink she gives. Her breath stutters and now she is panting heavily, feeling the monster swallowing her eyes from the inside, seizing and confiscating any ability she has to resist, utterly destroying every single inch of her entity.

She could feel it. How the monster dances with pleasure. It is relentless.

She didn't remember. But know she does. Remembers the feeling.

It feels blank. A blank space.

Remembers that is the worst of the emotions.

In the white everything was clear, there was no darkness. Completely opposite of what calm is. In the white you can feel everything, you can hear whispers, the demons. The ghost of things brushing and climbing your skin makes you go mental. You cannot breathe.

She is in that blank space.

_Three. Six. Nine. Twelve._

Soon in forms into a kind of labyrinth. Shapes that don't have any of them and all looks the same. There's no shadows. Juts light, bright. White. _Blank_.

_Fifteen. Eighteen. Twenty-one. Twenty-four._

She tries to run. Turns around. Nothing. All keep being the same. White. Blank. Without escape. Without air.

_Twenty-seven. Thirty. Thirty-three. Thirty-six._

The screams are even louder. Make her hands press against her ears. She's trapped in the white labyrinth. Can't get out.

As a number it would be 198891. The ones are blindfolds, the white doesn't let you differentiate. The four numbers in the middle represent the labyrinth, curves and infinites. If you turn backwards the number it keeps being the same. Long and full of white.

Her withins give a scream, a horrible one

She can't get out.

And another scream escapes her interiors, drowning inside her because she seems not having the ability to speak — she cannot speak. Her withins gave another cry, which echoes throughout the fragile and small shell her body is, bouncing off of the tiny conducts her veins are and continuously ringing in her ears.

_Do it!_

The voice in her head makes her body give a jump. Her eyes close again and now her body is trembling even more, shaking whatever is inside her. A cruel and tiny sob leaves the ribbons and bows her blood-rushed lips are, and a freezing drop of a shining and salty water slides down her pale skin.

She opens her eyes again.

The voice is like a demon, one which watches her through the mirror of her dressing table and whispers things in her ears again and again, making her nerves lost any possibility to react and her brain go fuzzy, hypnotised by its words, as a fairytale.

And her body becomes weak.

She is about to fall.

Her hand shakes, sending a current throughout her body causing a breathy gasp break free from her mouth. Her fingers are almost reaching it, almost touching what it could be her magical dream that could make her feel good again.

And she is about to—

"Here you are!" Laughs Daphne Greengrass when she opened the door before sticking out her head again. "Jordan, I found her!"

"Told you she would be here," the Gryffindor laughs arriving the place next to Lhu.

Leevanna's body finally reacts, making her hands get away from the table and wipe her tear and sweat before anyone could realise it.

"What were you doing?" Asks Lhu with a smile as she approaches her. Leevanna smiles forcibly. Nobody notices it.

"Looking for something," she responds calmly and keeps her hands on the back pockets of her trousers.

"Come, we're about to try it," Lhu says and she nods starting to walk with her friends out of her room.

Her eyes shift once more to the dressing table, seeing the monster waving at her with a twisted smile. Waiting for her to return one of this days. Waiting to swallow her again just leaving her most cruel and desperate desires.

And, as she closes the door, she leaves behind the sleeping pills she had found next to a piece of a sharp razor.

༄

"Leevanna."

"Please," she cries. "Don't — don't — I don't—"

"I do _not_ care," says Lhu firmly. "Start."

"Please..." she implores trying to clean her tears. Her body trembles — _shakes_ and her face is red and swollen.

Her green eyes look up from the plate where a portion of fruit salad is to Lhu's eyes, which look firmly into her and don't soften how they always do when she cries.

Is grateful they are alone.

"Y-You cannot—" she hiccups "—make m-me," more tears falling. "I don't wa-want to — you can't make me!"

"Yell if you want," Lhu shrugs with indifference. "I don't care."

And she looks terrified. Attacked. Without the softness she's used to see in all the people — in Lhu. She's hyperventilating. Full of rage. Nobody has even obligated to do something. Who the fuck Lhu thought she was?

"Leevanna," the brunette's eyes fell shut for a second before pointing the fork in front of her, "pick the fucking fork up or I'll do it."

Lhu is tired. She isn't going to let her best friend lie to her again. Is not going to watch her destroy herself like she did in their second year. Refuses to do so. Losing her isn't in her plans for the future. And she doesn't fucking care if Leevanna hates her right now, she knows how this works and isn't affected from it anymore.

"You can't make me!" she shrieks before passing her trembling hands through her hair pushing it back. "I swear I ate! I swear! You — You can't! You can't make me! I — I did it — I-I s-swear —!"

"Stop _lying_ to me," Lhu's patience has a limit but knows Leevanna wouldn't reach it. "I know you haven't, so pick the fucking fork up or I swear I'll shove it down your throat!"

Their eyes don't quit the contact. She looks like she wants to assassinate the brunette.

"You wouldn't!"

"You want to fucking try me?"

" _YOU CANNOT MAKE ME!_ " Leevanna screams slamming the table. "You! You — You're a fucking — _cunt_! You — Go to the fucking hell! You're supposed to be on _MY_ side! It's _my_ body! You _cannot_ — Y-You... Fuck you!"

Lhu's arms cross over her chest and her back leans on the chair with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay," she shrugs again. Leevanna screams in rage. Wants to murder her. Keeps hyperventilating.

Lhu knows that she's a bit high also.

And she wonders how did she get to this state. Leevanna was fine a few weeks ago. She was eating, laughing, smiling. She seemed so happy that for a moment Lhu had forgotten all the things she had been through.

But after the second task all had gone to hell.

Before that Leevanna herself asked if she wanted to go to Hogsmeade and eat there or go to a pub. Lhu saw her conjuring food and not only water.

It has been almost two years. And somehow there is always something that makes her relapse in her own suffering.

Lhu recapitulates the lasts weeks.

Her best friend had been happy after the Yule Ball, that is, after Draco and she started their 'thing'.

And she wonders if Leevanna has been following the way to heal her problem just because she had got someone who would tell her he was proud of her and praise her. But now something had happened and that someone wasn't near her.

That was _wrong_. More than that.

Leevana couldn't and must not let her healing depend on someone.

But it _has_ sense.

That's the only reason why she did it the first time. When they discovered her. She had promised Narcissa Malfoy she would heal for her. And for Severus and Lhu herself.

And maybe that was wrong.

Because Leevanna didn't want to heal, she thought she deserved the pain. She just wanted to please the other people — the ones who love her. She is healing for them, not for herself.

If Lhu is right, Leevanna was only eating because someone was next to her.

Lhu knows she's dependant on Draco. Or is becoming.

And she also knows that has its wrong part, Leevanna wasn't fine — she never is at this point — and Draco couldn't be another one of the persons who carried the weight on his shoulders.

He didn't even know and yet was one piece of the machine that made Leevanna relapse.

She also knows Leevanna is punishing herself for something that maybe she didn't even have control. Lhu isn't planning to let her know that, it would only make things worse.

So she lets Leevanna yell at her.

"You! You are the worst fucking person ever! You — You don't even want me! Because that's why I am to you, no?! Your charity project?! Fucking Dumbledore is behind this?! Severus?! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!" she cries. "I don't want to! You — You cannot force me — You — You are attacking me!" her hands passed again through her hair. She is stood up. "You fucking cunt! George is bored of you already?! Fucking annoying — little bitch! Sure that's why are you here! Because he doesn't want you!"

Lhu doesn't even bother in show emotion. She has heard those words before. Even worse ones, more hurtful and crueler.

"I warned you the last time that if you dared to lie to me again it was going to be the last time you would see me," Lhu says. Tone firm and brows frowned. "D'you want that? D'you want me to leave you here? _Alone?_ "

And now Leevanna is horrified. Eyes swollen and so red that the green iris is barely visible. Tears running down. Hair messy.

"You used to be your little partner-in-crime, always hiding things after contemplating," the brunette continues. "Soft, marshmallow Lhu, your teddy bear and the hugs-person. Always forgiving you, didn't I? Staying with you without saying a word. Seeing how you killed yourself. Taking advantage of me. Imploring, batting your lashes and fake-crying," her tone is bitter. "But that's over, and _you know_ that."

Leevanna closes her eyes for a second. Trying not to wince.

"Answer me, _Vaughan_ ," Lhu says and Leevanna gasps lowly when she hears her surname. "Do you want me to fucking leave? To leave _you_? Because I can," she shrugs. "I'm done with your shite, anyway. I should be with my boyfriend and friends laughing, not here, with you. Taking care of you," her finger points her. "You want to manipulate somebody else who would say 'Oh, if you don't want to, don't do it'? _Go_. _Fucking_. _On_. There's loads of them, because I'm not you bloody dolly and I am not fucking letting you kill yourself again."

The brunette tries not to wince when the memories of their second year hit like waves.

"So, you can either grab that fucking fork," she points at the silver piece, "or you can watch me walk away from you. For good."

"It doesn't work that way."

"I _don't_ care."

"You wouldn't dare to leave me," Leevanna whispers breathlessly. Her hand half-way on her head. Keeps shedding tears.

Lhu stands up and gives a step to turn around.

" _NO!_ "

Now she's seated again and blinking several times to try and grab the fork.

When the sound of it being lifted leaked through Lhu's ears, she closed her eyes trying not to sigh in relief and turned around to sit again in front of her best friend.

Her hawklike eyes remain on her while the first bite enters her mouth. Leevanna chewed, her jaw moving up and down at a speed that was too bloody slow to be considered average.

Lhu knows it hurts her. After screaming, crying and shrieking, her throat must be all messed up and sore.

The green-eyed raised her eyes taking another bite to her mouth before imploring with her eyes.

"I don't give a fuck," she says crossing her arms over the table making her bracelets collide with one another. "Another one."

She looked crestfallen.

"I'm fu—"

"I swear I'll leave this time, no matter what you do or say, this is the last time you'll see me if you don't fucking finish that plate," and with those words she chews again.

"It hur—"

"Again — don't give a shite," and the green eyed swallows her food. Lhu nodded at the plate. "Keep going."

And she picked up another bite.

༄

_You don't need it_ , said one voice.

That was right. She didn't. She was perfectly fine without it. There was no need.

_But it means more fun,_ said another voice.

Yeah, that was right too. Everything would be easier. Funnier. She would enjoy more.

_You have never proved those_ , reminds the first voice as her logical side. _And if they are dangerous?_

The lavanda ones seem happy. They have happy faces on them. Would they dangerous?

_If they were, they wouldn't be here_ , contradicts the second one as her mental side. _The twins would never bring something that would hurt you, wouldn't they? They're your friends._

She's sure her eyes had caught Pansy taking one of them. Now she was jumping and dancing and all happy.

_You haven't try them and—_

 _—And if you never try, you'd never know if you like them_ , cuts the devil voice.

It's only one night, isn't it? She's in a party, all the ones she calls friends are here. They wouldn't let anything bad happen to her. And she needs to forget somehow, has to stop the ache in her body, has to stop thinking about the razor and sleeping pills.

Maybe she could try this... Just for tonight...

_You don't need it._

_Yes, you do._

_You don't._

_You do._

_No!_

_Yes!_

_No!_

_Yes!_

And she grabbed the pills.

Three, being more specific. One colour light lavanda, the other is sky-blue and the third is something similar to mint green.

Mint. Mint. Mint.

She closes her eyes for a second and mouths, "Nine, eighteen, twenty-seven... Thirty-six, forty-five, fifty-four..." without opening her eyes yet, she breaths deeply and stops counting.

And is bitter.

Seeing him.

Whispering in another witch's ear. Smiling. Drinking. Can't he see she's just behind the gifts he would give her? Can't he see that witch dyed her hair blonde — like hers?

He can't. He can't. Can't. Can't. Can't.

_Numbers, Leevanna, numbers._

Is a big hole filled with 55 of different sizes but all the same colour, a disgusting shade of olive drab. Filthier and even dangerous than yellowish-green. Instead of one five, it has two. Because it's bitter.

With a sour feeling, her hand grabs a Beetle Berry Whiskey bottle and pours it in the half-full bottle of Berry Ocky Rot.

It isn't enough.

So she adds Gin. A lot of it.

And the bottle's mouth of mixed alcohol makes contact with her lips, tongue and throat. The pills follow it.

It's like snow melting against her tongue. It feels like it. She can sense everything.

Everything. Everything. Everything.

Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero.

She can feel the little melted particles tour all her bloodstreams and nerves. Can feel how her body labours and asks for more. It's all so boisterous. Her breathing. Her heartbeat. How her blood voyages. How her neurones make a junction, a minute gap across which impulses pass by diffusion of a neurotransmitter. She can feel the acid in her stomach. Her muscles making friction with her bones.

Her eyes fix again on him. Another witch is with him. Twirling her mope-like curl on on her finger and chuckling at what he says.

She looks down at her hands. She can feel her pores opening and closing. The particles of skin shedding from her. It's alluring.

A chuckle breaks free from her mouth.

She can feel and hear the vibrations of her vocal chords. How it sounds.

She can see herself. Two of her. She can see herself mesmerised by how it feels.

Like snow. Melting. Falling.

And the two of her merge again.

The strobe lights are so beautiful. She can see how they reflect against the crystals and make rainbows.

The world is spinning around her.

She laughs.

Her head goes backwards and she's just spinning and jumping and feeling every sensation enter and leave her pores.

It's all so alluring. So magical.

For her, it's perfection in a material form.

And she is so happy. Without worries. Without him. Without feeling.

Everything is so beautiful this way. She doesn't want to get out of it. She wants more and more and more.

But her more shouldn't have been.

Her smile is so gorgeous and she feels so good. With her arms extended and her whole body spinning while the lights reflect on her.

But it changes. Now everything is too loud. Too much for her.

It hurts. Aches. Stings. Burns.

The lights aren't pretty. The sounds aren't pleasant. How the things occur inside her isn't interesting anymore. She doesn't — doesn't want to keep feeling it — doesn't want — she wants to stop — _feeling_...

It's a 15.

Whatever is happing to her. Is a fifteen.

An spiral of colours. She is afraid of 15s.

Her head throbs. She needs to stop. Stop doing things. Stop feeling. _Stop_.

The snow melted. The sun ir shining.

She doesn't like the sun.

Everything is so colourful. Everything keeps spinning around her while she goes in slow motion. It overwhelms her.

And suddenly everything stops.

Goes black.

 _Black_.

Calm.

༄

Blue-grey icy eyes.

That's the only thing Leevanna has weighed for one month and two weeks now.

One month and two weeks without talking to Draco, touching him or even breathing next to him.

Why he had to be so important to her?

Why did she care so much?

Why did she need him so fucking much?

Why she was so fucking dependant on him?

One fucking month and two fucking weeks filling her eyes with tears and her brain with millions of questions. Trying not to resolve the messy puzzle in her head over and over again to not give it any sense, trying to ignore all the perfect visible answers. Trying to Occlude and not being able to.

One fucking month and two fucking weeks being obligated to eat.

One fucking month and two fucking weeks pushing herself to the limit of madness until she screamed and threw things.

One fucking month and two fucking weeks looking like a fucking psychopath because of the torment in her cold eyes.

One fucking month and two fucking weeks in which her anxiety has raised.

One fucking month and two fucking weeks in which she stayed high almost all the time to avoid crying and thinking.

Keeps being in the blank space, trapped in the white labyrinth.

There's no way to escape.

_Nine. Eighteen. Twenty-seven._

She was high at that moment. She wanted to be high all the time. Not even playing chess or reading helped. Just the magical and blessing Muggle-weed that made her feel those tickles again and see the coloured spots too.

_Forty-five. Fifty-four. Sixty-three._

She takes a deep breathe, gritting her teeth, and inhaling the substance she has found she loves one fucking month and one week ago. One week after he left her, two days after she almost did that again.

She needed to keep the count of the days, the hours, the minutes and seconds. She needed to destroy her brain making it remember over and over again without any compassion.

She smiles when all the sand coloured powder starts dancing inside her body leaving her with an incessant tickle in her withins before she falls backwards on the bed.

_Seventy-two. Eighty-one. Ninety._

She looked so pretty and delicate doing something so addictive and dangerous.

_Ninety-nine. One hundred eight. One hundred seventeen._

A smile formed on her face.

She sighs.

That was the last amount she had.

"Come on, Georgie..." she complained before laughing softly.

"No, Leev, is enough muggle-weed," he said before looking at his girlfriend. "And we don't really know the effects of consuming it so frequently."

"George is right, Leev," Lhu said passing her gaze to her boyfriend to her best friend. "You have been like this for weeks."

_One fucking month and two fucking weeks_ , the voice of her conscience corrected.

"Don't be boring," she said huffing and rolling her eyes as she stands up again. "A little more isn't going to kill me... Come on..."

Lhu sighed. " _No_ ," she said firmly. "I care about you and I am not—"

"And why the fuck do you care?!" Leevanna yelled. The tears accumulating in her eyes.

"Because—"

"You have all you want!" She screamed interrupting her. "You and your fucking life are fucking perfect!" the girl yelled again starting breathing heavily. "NO ONE HAS ABANDON YOU! NO ONE HAS HURT YOU!"

_Emotional dependence._

Lhu has just confirmed her theory.

Leevanna is dependant on every single person that conforms part of the machine. Persons who are her friends and where invited to her small circle of trust.

A very delicate machine.

If one piece is missing, the machine won't work alright. It could explode. Cause damage. Kill.

She had added a piece without realising it. Now that piece was missing. It had escaped. Wasn't there. It had abandoned her — the machine.

"I despise you..." Leevanna cried.

Lhu approached her and embraced her in a tight hug. Is trying to get the hole caused by the missing piece covered somehow.

"DO NOT TOUCH ME!" Leevanna screamed fighting against her chest for her to release her. "Do not touch me! Don't touch me! _Please_..." she cried.

But Lhu didn't listen to her and hugged her even tighter, pressing her against her body as she kept fighting.

"I despise you!" Leevanna yelled hitting her chest with the palm of her hands. "I despise — I despise you..." and the green-eyed quit fighting and started to cling to her clothes while she cried against her chest. "Three, six, nine... Twelve, fifteen, eighteen..." her voice in whispers.

"Despise me all you want, sweetheart," Lhu sighed caressing her hair. "But I'm not going anywhere."

Lhu would never go anywhere.

She is one of the most important pieces. If she leaves, the machine ends. It dies.

The twins and Lee looked at each other trying to understand what had happened — because they had never seen her cry — and how Lhu could control and understand Leevanna so well to not take seriously all the things she said to her when she was angry.

_Leevanna was having a bad day._

_"Here you are!" laughed a twelve-year-old Lhu._

_"Not now, Lhu, I am not in the mood," the girl murmured without stopping her reading._

_"Oh, come on," Lhu chuckled. "Some Slytherin girls and I are going to go shopping to Hogsmeade and I thought that you could come and then you and I could go for a hot choco—"_

_"God, Lhu!" Leevanna growled. "Do you ever stop talking for a bloody minute?! Seriously! Shut the hell up a fucking second! You are bloody annoying!"_

_Lhu opened her mouth to say something but decided to turn over and leave the dorm._

_"No, Lhu —_ Wait _—" but the girl was already gone. "Fuck!" she growled throwing her book to the wall. "You, fucking stupid, stupid."_

_She hadn't meant to say that. She was angry with herself and now someone else had had to listen to her mean comments._

_The next day, Leevanna waited in her dorm for Lhu, the girl hadn't come back the day before. When she crossed the door, Leevanna threw her arms at her surrounding her neck._

_"I'm so sorry," she said hugging her tightly. "You aren't annoying I swear! I was having a bad day," she continued. "I have them quite often and — and — and I say very cruel things without thinking — forgive me, please," she implored._

_Lhu laughed hugging her back. Leevanna closed her eyes tightly trying not to push her away because of the panic her body was feeling._

_"It's okay, I forgive you," Lhu said leaving a kiss on her head._

_"I'm really, really sorry," Leevanna sighed as she separated. "If I ever say those things to you again when I'm angry, please, don't take it seriously, I'm out of me at that moment."_

_"I won't take it seriously, I promise," Lhu laughed. The green-eyed chuckled too._

Leevanna blamed herself for Draco leaving her.

She blamed herself for a lot of things — though she didn't remember all of them because her brain blurred the memories just leaving her with the emotions. Cruel emotions she didn't like to feel or have.

On the day of the second test, she knew that Draco wasn't very well, that he was constantly having anxiety crisis for days and she had simply disappeared almost all morning without telling anyone.

But — why she had to give explanations now?

_"Vaughan," called her Draco from his bed._

_"Are you going to tell me to stay?" she pouted and tangled her hands as she begged._

_"Nope," he chuckled and she rolled her eyes. "Just — be careful... In the way," it had been so quite that he might being saying it to himself — but she had listened._

_"I had dragons as pets, Malfoy" she said rolling her eyes playfully. He raised an eyebrow at her with a smirk. "I would look for you tomorrow first hour, promise."_

She shouldn't be giving explanations. She'd never done it with anyone. Why she needed to do it with him then?

She should _not_ do it — but _she wanted_ to.

And she hadn't done it.

She didn't know exactly how to calm his anxiety — she couldn't even calm the crisis she had — but she knew that her presence was enough for him to breathe quietly. She knew that if she was there, he would be calm, in peace.

And she had fucking disappeared. And she'd fucking promised to him that she would look for him and she hadn't done it.

That afternoon of the task, she had spent crying in silence— nobody had seen her doing it and she had thanked all the Gods for that —, trying not to bit her nails or scratch her wrists of how worried she was because Draco hadn't had arrive at the common room since they had fought — but it had not been a fight, because if it had been one, it would just had passed five days, not a fucking month and two fucking weeks without talking.

She wondered if he would've felt that way — how she felt not findings him anywhere — when she had been gone — no, he hadn't felt that way, he had felt a thousand times worse.

That was a bad thing in her — that she never put herself before others, she cared to much about the person who surrounded her and almost not for her own self. She would let all the people in the world hurt her just to protect the people she cares about. She's very devoted to them.

She'd thought about writing to Narcissa Malfoy, as she always did when she needed an advice from a mother figure since — well — she couldn't owl her own mum for obvious reasons. But then she meditated a lot about it and — and she couldn't owl Narcissa either, she was Draco's mum after all.

What she was going to say if she wrote to her?

_Hi, Cissy!_

_I broke your son and made him have an anxiety crisis after I promised I wouldn't go anywhere but I'm the one who is crying like a soul in sorrow and having lunch with her sadness._

_Could you give me an advice?_

_Also, we need to have a cuppa with those ice-cream biscuits you make the last time one of this days!_

_xoxo,_

_Leevy._

As if.

Writing to Narcissa was out of list.

In all that time they hadn't talk, she spent the majority of the days with Lee, Lhu, and the twins. Sometimes making pranks or laughing weakly because of the jokes they made — but she no longer smiled so cheerfully. She usually looked at the ring she had on her finger and the necklace around her neck.

Why she needed to keep looking at them?

He hadn't asked it back — he hadn't even approached her —, as well as his Quidditch sweater, with which the green-eyed one slept every night — every time she asked herself why she did that, she just tried to convince herself that it was because it was warm and comfortable... And, after a month, it kept smelling of his perfume, which reassured her somehow.

She wondered if he missed her in the same way, if he constantly thought about her, or if he was still worried about her.

Why did she need to think about him?

_Loathsome twat._

Her brain loves to torture her.

Those icy eyes that hypnotised her so much no longer looked at her all the time as before. His eyes didn't even look at her anymore.

She remembered constantly all the times that she was next to him. The darkness of the room while their naked bodies were touching, his soft hair, his eyes looking at her with desire, his cold lips kissing her with fervour and his hands caressing her.

His touch was so reassuring on her... So calming that she couldn't push him back — even if she wanted to.

The way he said how she was too good for him and then kissed her lips so softly...

The moans which filled the room every night tirelessly and the way he made her feel in the clouds every time he touched sensitive spots. She missed his well-formed body next to hers, soaked in lust and without unable to contain himself.

But the sex wasn't the only thing she missed.

At first she had thought it was just that, because being accustomed to have sex almost every day had fucked up her brain, but then...

His presence.

His smiles.

His touch...

 _Possessiveness_ , that's what she missed the most. Knowing that he owned her, that he took control of her — it felt so good letting someone control her. She didn't have to do anything.

They had accorded to be just sex, nothing else that just sex — well — it hadn't been exactly verbally, but it both had caught the message. She wanted to keep it that way, just sex, just flesh being week and trying not to let the emotions fuck up everything.

Why it couldn't be just sex? Why _not_?

Why her stupid fucking frozen emotions had had to start melting when he touched her the first time?

It hadn't been much since they were together, but she hated when someone got angry with her. Especially him — but why?

Gods, he has changed her. Her brain was filled with why's she didn't want to give answers this time.

And she could not blame the bloody teenage hormones this time.

It was too soon... Too fast. Too much speed that it was overwhelming.

But she just couldn't blame the hormones anymore. She knew that the bloody fucking hormones were not just the only thing. The hormones didn't make you depend on someone like the way she does it on him. The hormones didn't make your brain go fuzzy or feel tickles inside your belly and make your eyes sparkle.

It wasn't the hormones anymore.

And maybe it had never been.

She wanted though — she wants to keep thinking that it were just the crazy hormones playing inside her and driving her mental. She needs to keep thinking that it was just the bloody crazy hormones.

She had known him for years, she'd spent so much time next to him — even before they were 'together' — and she'd never missed him when they didn't talk at all because of the stupid and childish fights they always had. They had spent months without talking and she had never miss any part of him, no his eyes, no his lips, no his touch or his voice, not a single thing. She had never missed him. She had never seen him the way she was doing it now.

She had known him for years...Fucking _years_.

She'd even spent time in his house for the summer thanks to their parents' relationship and they hadn't talk at all and that did not matter to her, never before.

But now... — Fuck's sake, she hates him.

She would've never known that she would ever need someone's presence — and touch — so bloody much.

She hates his fucking presence. She hates that he'd infected her brain like black and dark magic which drove her metal every single second. She hates his fucking alarming, reassuring and calming touch. Hates his icy blue-grey eyes which looked at her with such joy. She hates how he'd infected — intoxicated her and made her feel weird things. She hates the tickled in her belly, the warmth in her chest, the way her eyes sparkled.

She despised everything that had to do with him.

She _hates_ him.

He builds her up like building blocks just to then he can bring her down and she is stupid and lets him.

But why she couldn't just get him out of her fucking extra-large brain? She had a lot of things to think about and she just — she couldn't think because — because of _him_!

Him and his hands. Him and his fucking arrogant smile. Him and his lips. Him and his hair. Him and his voice.

_Fucking filthy bastard. That loathsome, tosser, little piece of shi—_

"Leev," Fred called softly, getting her out of her thoughts. They were in the garden. "D'you want to go for ice cream to the kitchen?" The black-and-white-haired fixed her gaze on Lhu, who was sitting on one of George's legs while he hugged her, and she couldn't help but feel an emptiness in her chest.

Days had passed since George had stopped giving her the blessing muggle-weed. So she was tired. Very tired. More than that even. It felt as she hadn't slept at all in a whole bloody year.

Curiously, it hadn't been difficult for her to stop consuming muggle-weed. She had just nodded and laid on her bed trying to sleep.

"No, you guys go," she replied with a weak smile before turning her gaze again to the tree on which Draco was sitting. Not because he was looking at her or something, actually, he was reading, but for her was enough just seeing him. She just couldn't stop staring or glancing him.

It was the hormones — it wasn't the hormones.

She wanted to keep thinking it was the crazy bloody hormones — but she knew it wasn't.

_Ice walls. You need ice walls. Now_ , ordered a voice in her head.

_No, you don't. Emotions_ , snapped another, as is it had took a step forward.

_Ice walls._

_Emotions._

_Ice walls!_

_Emotions!_

_Ice walls!_

The twins and Lhu looked at each other seeing how their best friend was shattered in silence when she saw Draco. Slowly, several tiny fibres of her hair were darkened until they became black from middle to bottom.

"They still don't talk?" George asked his girlfriend in the ear, she nodded playing with his red hair.

"She doesn't even sleep, she's silent, as a living dead," Lhu told both boys in a low tone referring to her red dark circles and pale face, knowing that Leevanna was absorbed in her world and wouldn't listen to them. "She didn't even want to eat and I'm worried," and that caught the attention of a blue-grey-eyed boy, who, even if he was a little far away, had an excellent ear.

And although he had tried to convince himself that caring about her made no sense... He still did it.

He cared too much about her.

He despised not fucking being able to get her out of his brain. He needed to get her out of his brain somehow — but he — he — he couldn't fucking do it!

He wasn't very well either. Her intoxicating aroma still remained in his room — his sheets, his pillows, his clothes, even in the fucking windows. She was everywhere and that drove his brain crazy. It was as if he was being hypnotised every time he entered his own fucking room.

The worst thing was that she had forgotten a small blouse on his desk chair — he hadn't realised until three days later he had yelled at her.

And he hadn't be able to avoid taking it in his hands, feeling the soft and smooth texture of the white fabric between his fingers. Then he had squeezed it before taking it near his face, were the sweet aroma she had intoxicated his nostrils as if it was a drug — like bloody cocaine he just couldn't stop sniffing.

Now, he just stared at it, sitting on the edge of his bed as the fabric remained on his desk chair — he tried to avoid touching or smelling it.

He has tried to Occlude but it had backfired to him and now his dark sea was dry and the trunks were open.

It wasn't the hormones controlling his body anymore.

It had never been the hormones.

But it was too soon, too fast.

He _hates_ her.

That afternoon, Leevanna hid deep in the library and sat on the floor with her back resting on a shelf. She didn't want to be around anyone, but she met Hermione Granger, who had crashed with her not realising that she was on the floor because she had a book bigger than her in front of her eyes.

Leevanna dedicated a weak smile to her, letting her know that it didn't matter, but her red eyes and soaked cheeks reminded Hermione The Yule Ball — where, instead of the girl, she'd been crying because of a stupid redheaded boy who drove her bloody mental.

The Gryffindor Princess left her book on one side and took out the handkerchief she had in her pocket and then extended it to her.

"Thanks for giving me the idea of hitting Draco when he deserved it," and it was the first time that Leevanna let a weak laughter escape out of her lips. Hermione's stomach knotted when she saw how her laughter was quickly replaced by silent tears. She looked so pretty doing something so sad as crying.

It was as if one of her imposing, sharp and imperial ice walls had started melting thanks to the sun that was reflecting on her. As if the sun was wounding her so bad that the ice walls couldn't protect her anymore. Because the snow and the ice melt when the sun comes out, leaving a powerless, vulnerable Ice Queen without her beautiful empire. Leaving a fragile person under a crystal and melting snowflake.

And for that moment, Hermione forgot all the things she had been told once about Slytherins. The green-eyed one frowned when she saw how the girl sat on her side.

"Just because our houses don't get along, doesn't mean that I won't help you, y'know?" the girl smiled. "You helped me first after all."

_"You can open your feelings, sweetheart," Lhu said. "That does not makes you weak."_

Yeah, but she only trusted Lhu, because she knew that her best friend would never make fun of her or even betray her by telling all the people about her horrible secrets.

But... Hermione Granger? The... _Mud_ — Gryffindor?

She could... _Trust_ her?

"It was _my_ fault," Leevanna said low, looking towards the window. Her voice was broken, as if admitting her mistake burned every icy part of her. "I _knew_ — I knew he had anxiety for days and I just disappeared..."

It wasn't much, but she was trying.

Since when did she try?

She was convinced her brain wasn't working well.

"When I saw you two together that day, I wasn't surprised like the rest," Hermione confessed sighing. "Always, since the first year I met you two, you were always together," then the green-eyed one turned to look her, confused. "You went out to the defence of the other without realising it and when one was upset, the other was too. It was funny to see how you played pranks on each other and the next day seeing you laughing as nothing had happened," she continued with a half-smile. " _In some way or another, you always end up together._ "

And that phrase didn't leave her mind.

It should have left.

_It should have._

Why everyone kept saying that they were absolutely amazing together, that they looked so good and seemed different persons when they were together?

Why everyone kept saying that they were good for each other?

They were _not_.

They were absolutely _not good_ for each other.

They were extremely _explosive_ , extremely _possessive_ and _toxic_ , they wanted to destroy the other driving each other mental until they could not resist it anymore. They wanted to hurt the other.

In what fucking world that was good for someone? In what fucking world that looked good? In fucking what fucking world?!

Both had too many internal problems.

Both had suicidal tendencies. Both had fucked up past which tormented and tortured them every single day of their lives — even though they had many blocked memories.

Too much cynicism, too much coldness, too much venom, too much toxicity, too much madness and craziness.

They were too dangerous for each other.

One was the fire. One was the gasoline. They would explode.

It was like giving tons of sugar to a diabetic. Like letting honey fall to attract ants. Like leaving petroleum next to a lit.

It was too fast. Everything was happening too fast. Too fucking much speed.

They were starting to obsess with the other.

They meant destruction for the other.

And that — that felt fucking awesome and beautiful.

"You know, you remind me of someone I once knew," admitted Leevanna making the girl frown with a soft smile.

"Hermione?" Both turned their heads when they heard the voice of Ron and Harry behind the shelf in front of them.

"Thank you," Leevanna mumbled. "But you don't even think this is a truce," Leevanna playfully told her with a raised eyebrow before extending her the book she had and standing up at the same time of the girl. "See you around, Granger."

༄

The 18th of May, Leevanna and Lhu were talking to Fleur Delacour.

" _J'ai l'impression d'être le plus faible de ce tournoi_ ," said the girl in blue uniform sighing.

"Don't say that," Lhu replied crossing her arms. "The chalice chose you for something, you're just as capable as Krum or Diggory."

" _Je ne veux pas manquer d'un ami, alors essayez de ne pas mourir_ ," Leevanna told her, letting escape a weak chuckle from her lips. Fleur nodded laughing before hugging her.

"I'll try," Fleur chuckled.

The green-eyed froze and shuddered for a second because she was still very unfamiliar with the action, but she corresponded slowly to her before the French went in the direction of her friend group.

"What the hell do you think you're doing George Weasley?!" exclaimed Lhu heading to the redhead, who was shaving his head with the help of his brother and Lee Jordan.

"Shite," he said opening his eyes listening to his brother and friend laughing.

"Your man has become handsome for you," Lee proudly showed the empty hair space in the boy. Lhu couldn't help but laugh before going and cutting his hair herself. "I like this girl."

"You don't even think about putting a finger on my dishy and beautiful girlfriend!" George threatened him taking the curly-haired from her waist and attracting her to him.

"Now I know what it's like to be the third wheel," Fred Weasley said, dramatising. "I feel like Harry."

"You and Lee make karaoke with her every fucking night and don't let me sleep!" his twin replied.

And while they were arguing about what song they were going to sing that night and why George couldn't be the judge, Leevanna sat on a nearby bench to observe them in silence, then turned her eyes down to the ring on her finger.

She should really stop looking at it.

 _Ice walls_ , said again that voice in her head, it had an angry tone.

 _Emotions_ , said the other, its tone was a bit more calm as if it was obvious.

_Ice fucking walls._

_Fucking emotions._

_Ice walls!_

_Emotions!_

_Ice—_

_Shut the fuck up!_ Snapped a third one, this time was her own voice.

She was definitely going mental.

"But if it's our Ice Queen," she rolled her eyes hearing Blaise Zabini's teasingly voice heading towards her, two of his friends behind him also laughing.

"Fuck off, Blaise. Not now," she replied standing up from the bench and turning to her friends, who had stopped talking to pay her attention.

"What's wrong?" he laughed, taking her wrist, she let go abruptly and defensively — scared. "Is Malfoy bored of you already? Did he already realise that you're just words?"

"Control your snake tongue, Zabini," Lee warned the boy standing next to his friend.

" _Oops_ ," he laughed, "Already got a new prey, huh?" Several students stopped paying attention to their activities to watch the show. "With him did you loosen?" The boys behind the dark-haired laughed.

"Hey, hey, hey," said Fred threateningly. "Don't disrespect her," the red-headed warned by placing behind her and pointing the boy with a finger. George and Lhu also stood up behind their friend.

"But look at nothing else, you got the whole Gryffindor crew."

"And you've already managed to last for more than two seconds?" Leevanna responded looking at him with a raised eyebrow, several students from the different schools hid their laughter. "Because it seems that my dear friend Pansy is very happy with you," Blaise tightened his jaw before taking her arm tightly, preventing her from leaving. "Oh, wait... She slept with Theo last week, that must be the reason."

More laughs.

But she didn't laugh... Because she's scared.

_Three. Nine. Fifteen._

Blaise's grip had clamped down on her arm so hard that for a moment all she could saw was white — she didn't really know how could she kept talking after he grabbed her. Her ears had plugged and her head hammers and she could not feel anything but pain — but she could not get off his hand. A scream drowned in the bottom of her throat but it did not escape it.

_Twenty-one. Twenty-seven. Thirty-three._

And she feels pain — agonising pain.

She felt her knees wobble.

She needed to release from his grip. She needed to get away. She needed him to let her go. She needed to scream. Needed to run.

"Look, I'm gonna be honest with you 'cause no one else will, or at least not at your face" the boy looked her upside down with contempt and tightening his grip. "Any guy who says he's interested in you beyond just _trying_ to fuck you is full of shite."

A blond with blue-grey eyes who was close and seeking a way to approach his emerald, pushed two boys who were blocking his way and walked towards them with fists by the sides of his body.

"So I'm full of shite then, huh?!" Both looked at the blond and the other students followed him with a silent look.

Leevanna's heart started beating fast.

_Oh, holy shite._

For Salazar, Helga, Rowena, Godric, Merlin, Jesus and fucking God's sake.

"Come on, say it again, Blaise! I fucking _dare_ you!" He continued before taking Leevanna's wrist roughly getting her away from Blaise.

 _Three... Two —_ no _— six... Fifteen..._

Her vision returned slowly and she stumbled backwards, getting away from both boys.

_Ninety... Ninety-three — nine... Ninety..._

She was about to faint.

She collided with Fred's body and she jolted. Her friend's hands tried to grab her so she wouldn't fall, but she jolted again getting away from him abruptly and defensively.

"What? Are you going to tell me that you want to play the little house with her?" Blaise mocked at him with superiority... And Draco punched him.

Leevanna could not see what was happening. Everything was too overwhelming.

"Said one more thing about her! Come on!" He shouted, climbing on top of the boy and hitting his face repeatedly.

He was seeing red.

Just red.

That fucking motherfucker had had the audacity to disrespect _his_ Leevanna.

His fist started bleeding, making Blaise's blood and his mix. The students around him formed a circle while they began to murmur. Blaise's friends tried to get him out of Draco's way.

They had fought before, with Theodore even, for stupid or serious things as friends do, but never went so far that they started to punch each other, that was one of the main reasons why everyone was murmuring.

"Enough! You're going to kill him! Malfoy!" Fred said trying to hold the boy, but the anger that the blond detached was uncontainable.

Leevanna was frozen in time and the fact that she hadn't been eating well — and that she was very scared — really made her faint. It was like falling asleep in a dream which no one could touch her anymore, in which she could run and breathe.

"Oh, God!" Lhu shouted kneeling next to her friend to try to raise her.

Everything happened in a matter of seconds.

"Call McGonagall!" Lee told George, who had been trying to wake up Leevanna too, while with Fred, were trying to take the blond out of Blaise's body, who laid half-unconscious on the green grass. When they managed to hold him by his shoulders, the professor arrived at the scene with a horror face.

"What's happening here?!" She said horrified seeing the scene: a fainted girl, a bleeding boy, and two boys holding another preventing him to kill someone. "Miss Oneyl, take Leevanna to the hospital and — Malfoy!" She shouted when she saw how the blond ignored any indication and took the girl in his arms so that he could take her to the hospital. " _Mr Malfoy!_ "

" _No one_ is going to touch her," he responded between teeth without stopping and didn't giving a fuck about his bloody knuckles, the most important thing — for him — was Leevanna.

And while McGonagall sent the students back to their classes, she told Blaise's friends to take him to the hospital as well, then she stayed with the twins, Lee and Lhu to explain what had happened and why the fuck the boys seemed to be a babbling, bumbling band of baboons — even after The Yule Ball

Draco, for his part, arrived at the hospital leaving a trace of small drops of blood on the floor. Madame Pomfrey received him with horror when she saw the girl and then saw him.

Half an hour later, Lhu, Lee and the twins surrounded Leevanna's bed to see when she woke up, McGonagall had permitted them. Minerva loved the girl.

On the sided stretcher was Draco Malfoy, who hadn't let Pomfrey heal him until she saw what was wrong with the green-eyed. On the other side of the room was Blaise, who had an unrecognisable and bleeding face, his friends were't with him by that time.

"We should make a musical, this drama is worthy," Lee laughed leaned on a stretcher.

" _Ferret love_ ," the twins said at the same time snapping their fingers proud of their sync.

"Very funny," Draco said in a low tone without turning his gaze away from Leevanna's face, who looked so peaceful even with those red circles around her pretty eyes. Her long, thick eyelashes caressing her pale cheeks and her long hair remained by the sides of her face, resting on her shoulders. For him she — she looked — She was a doll. His doll.

It was not the teenage hormones.

He — and the girl, too — wanting to keep thinking that it was the bloody hormones which made them act so stupid and careless but — it couldn't be the hormones.

It had to be something else, they knew, but they didn't want to resolve the riddle. They didn't want to risk it all and get the answers which had been in front of them for a lot of time but they had ignored.

The four present turned their gaze to him, surprised that he had spoke.

"I told you that Malfoy was going to win, give me my two sickles," George said proudly of his bet.

"Did you bet?!" exclaimed Lhu horrified making Lee laugh.

"I told him that he owned five if Draco and Zabini ended up with at least a broken nose, he said that only Zabini," Fred replied rolling his eyes to his brother as he gave him the money.

"Unbelievable!" Lhu said hitting the two with a small pillow. " _Un—fucking—believable!_ "

"Well done Malfoy, five-high!" George congratulated him making the blue-grey-eyed one laugh in a low tone before making a five-high with his bandaged hand.

"You two are a tragicomedy, really," Lhu said laughing and looking at the blond. "You start punching someone, she faints, uf... You two drive me crazy since our first year," she continued smiling.

"Why she doesn't eat?" He asked after a few seconds of silence.

Lhu bit her tongue and thought two seconds. He couldn't have that weight over too. He could live without knowing he was part of the machine.

The four looked at each other trying to decide who was going to speak. Lee ended up being the chosen one, even though he had nothing to do with the situation.

"And why me?! I didn't even know!" He defended himself with a sharp voice. He knew, he just didn't want to be punched too.

"Ugh, fine! I'll do it!" Lhu said rolling her eyes. She's going to lie. "It's as if a wand were made of plastic, it doesn't work," everyone looked confused at her. "Come on! She doesn't eat because you got angry and she keeps crying like a soul in sorrow! It wasn't so difficult."

"Your witch is crazy," Lee whispered to George in his ear, he nodded but quickly denied when he felt the girl's glare.

"I already know who's in charge in the relationship," they all turned their heads in the direction of the stretcher, where a pale Leevanna with red dark circles smiled weakly as she tried to sit down.

"Merlin, you scared the fuck of us," Lhu said, filling her with kisses all over her face. Leevanna put her hands on her face to stop the girl while she chuckled weakly.

"I thought we had lost our little sister," Fred said, making her laugh.

"Nither Ginny or Hermione listen to you," Lee warned before hitting fists with Leevanna.

"Sister for pranks," both twins said at the same time winking an eye making her laugh. Leevanna turned her head when she felt the look of a pair of blue-grey eyes.

Her heart skipped a beat when she met his eyes.

He was really looking at her.

Maybe her heart skipped more than a beat.

Both looked away instantly — as if their eyes burned their flesh.

"Well, we're interrupting now," Lee murmured, starting to move away like the others.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Leev," Lhu said goodbye for everyone before leaving with the boys.

"Try to not have sex here!" exclaimed Fred from the door as Lee and George's laughs accompanied his voice.

"Fred Weasley!" Lhu's voice raised. "Walk you buffoon!"

None dared to say a single word as their cheeks blushed slightly, and when Madame Pomfrey arrived a few seconds later, they dedicated themselves to listening to her only.

"Oh dear, you finally wake up," she said smiling. "You have to feed yourself well, okay? Rest for a couple of days and you can go back to classes, you can go to your room now," Leevanna nodded with a smile and getting up little by little so as not to fall. "As for you, Mr Malfoy, stop hitting others and rest those hands for a couple of days," the blond nodded before rushing to carry Leevanna, who seemed high, to leave.

And somehow she just found a way out of the blank space and white labyrinth.


	13. Mine / Yours

Silent.

Silent was beautiful.

It was perfect.

It is dark. Black. Calm. A space where you cannot hear of feel anything. It is so peaceful.

None said anything until they arrived at the blond's room, where he carefully deposited her on his bed and began to take out his clothes, that were full of dirt, to change. Leevanna bit her lower lip when she saw how he took his shirt off and left his torso naked.

"Put this on," he said without looking at her and leaving one of his hoodies on the bed seeing her blouse full of dirt too. A few minutes later the two were changed.

Who was supposed to speak first?

He or she?

And exactly what the fuck they were supposed to say?

 _'Do you still care about me?'_ Pure bollocks and cheesy nothings. Ew.

 _Never_... Never none of them had needed someone so much as they needed the other.

Since when they needed someone to make them feel 'happy'? Why did they need to care so much? Why?!

They wanted to separate. Really. They wanted to become numb again and ignore the other until it drives them mental.

Why they couldn't blame the hormones anymore? Why they were so obsessed with being the other's destruction?

There was so many why's in their messy heads and so many answers they didn't want to see. They didn't want to let fall the blindfold on their eyes, they didn't want to be know-it-alls once in their lives, they didn't want to fight for who was the one who decipher the riddle first.

Not this time because — because it was hella scaring and — and it — it could _not_ be _that_.

But if it wasn't the hormones, if it wasn't a whim, if it wasn't just sex... There was just one answer. They just didn't want to see it.

He had never had that necessity of caring and worrying about someone. He had never wanted to keep someone by his side all the time — to protect someone. He had never been so struck by someone that he could not breathe if that someone wasn't there. He had never been so fucking mental. He had never wanted to possess someone so badly.

For Salazar's sake, he hates fucking needing her. Because he really does, he really needs her.

Why he had to want her so fucking much? Why he had the _necessity_ of _possessing_ her?

Why she had to exist? Why she had to make him feel fucking things? Why she had had to appear in his life with that sweet smile?

She was like sugar venom. Sugar venom that rotted his teeth and clogged his arteries.

Salazar's fucking sake, he _hates_ her.

On the other hand, she had never had that necessity for depending on someone, she had never done it. She had never had that feeling of dying when someone didn't look at her or was not by her side. She had never cared before if someone was angry at her — because she didn't give a fuck about anyone. She had never been so fucking willing to give someone all her soul. She had never had the necessity of being possessed.

God's sake, she despised fucking depending so much on him.

Why she had that necessity of having to apologise? Why she needed him so much? Why she depended? Why did she want to feel possessed?

She takes air deeply.

"I..." Leevanna starts in a low tone before a knot formed in her throat. Draco turned his head when he heard her and his eyes met hers. He could see repentance. "...I'm sorry."

Why was she apologising?

Because he had been angry at her?

Being honest, his anger had stopped the moment he left her and actually he wanted to run up to her and tell her that it wasn't her fault and he just needed to calm down because his anxiety always messed with his brain... But then — then he saw her walk towards her friends...

He had thought that she didn't care about him.

And then he had heard Lhu saying that she wasn't eating and she just cried...

Great, now he felt stupid.

Why he had to feel stupid?

_Because you are, mate_ , says the voice of his conscience as a response.

He has hurt her in so many ways that it burns him. An arrow with venom penetrating his skin and tearing apart a combination of muscles that pumps blood thorough his body. That organ he wishes not to have.

"Come here, you stupid little girl," he says surrounding her with his arms — she first shuddered a bit, but then she did the same and supported her cheek on the boy's chest filling herself with his perfume. Draco caressed her hair and leaned his chin on the girl's head leaving a kiss. "Don't apologise, it wasn't your fault."

"I should've told you where I was."

"And how were you going to do it?" He said seeing her with a raised eyebrow, she remained in silent trying to formulate an answer. "See?" She only clung more to his shirt as he sat in the bed sighing. "And don't starve yourself to death again just because I stopped talking to you," she nodded.

And she hit his chest.

"What was that for— _Ouch!_ " he hissed as he separated from her while she kept slapping his chest with the palm of her hands. "Stop hitting me— _Ow!_ " he gasped taking her wrist.

She looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"You bloody—" slap "—stupid—" another slap "—imbecile—" and another "—fucking—" another one "—filthy—" one more "—brainless—" another "—wazzock—" and another "—twat!"

Another slap on his chest — the last one. Finally and fortunately.

"Don't ever do that to me again," she mumbled between teeth. He frowned a bit confused not knowing what she was talking about. "Just—"

She settled herself until she was sitting on the blond putting her head in the space of his neck and placing her arms around his neck

"What the..." He babbled holding her by the hips and feeling her clinging every second until she gave the final squeeze.

"Two months," she murmured closing her eyes and inhaling deeply before exhaling slowly. "Let me stay this way for a moment," she whispered, leaving a small kiss on the boy's neck.

His aroma was intoxicating her.

Oh, Merlin, she hates his aroma.

She did not know why she had embraced him, why she had been the one who had wrapped her arms around his body and squeezed hard — trying to keep him just for her.

And she hates him for making her ice melt so quickly and let her foreign emotions to escape and face the surface.

Draco let long seconds pass, just smelling the scent that the girl's hair released. Why she had to smell so fucking delicious? And he is thankful he can smell her subtle and sweet aroma now, because it had been fading away from his room and he didn't know what to do.

God knew how much he hates her for making him need her aroma.

But they needed the other. The emotional dependence both had acquired with the other in such a short time was unreal.

He had felt like dying as not having her on his bed next to him, not only sexually, but her presence, knowing that she was there — _with him_.

And she had missed him too, a lot.

And both hate the other for making them need each other so much.

They depend on the other.

They were obsessed.

But why?

They kept asking and asking over and over again, but both know they have the answer.

They were taking whatever they wanted right from the other, wrapping each other up in so much life and joy. Seeking for attention and affection.

Maybe it was the way the held the other — how his touch was so reassuring and calming in her that she needed it; how her touch made is skin burn, making a heat ran all his body feeling complete.

They were starving for affection, attention and that feeling of being wanted and desired by someone — they were looking for it on the other. Falling on each other to fill the empty spaces in their lives.

Everything was happening too fucking fast.

They were a bittersweet tragedy.

She began to leave more tinny kisses on his neck while he placed his hands inside the jumper pulling her closer to smell her scent.

He had missed her alluring aroma so much. He had felt a cruel chill when it started leaving him, escaping his room to follow the wind. He had felt fear.

Both looked at each other for a few seconds, saying everything with their eyes, then they joined their lips roughly and possessively.

Why they had to be so fucking good at kissing?!

Why their lips were so fucking warm and cold at the same time?!

Why their lips fit so fucking well together?! Why?! Why?! Why?!

They didn't want to answer.

Draco began slowly kissing down her jawline and her neck, leaving a fresh trail of little bruises while she entangled her fingers in his hair — playing with her soft and silky curls before he pulled one a little, making her release a small little sound of her lips that raised the temperature in his body.

He quickly made her lift her arms so that he could take off the jumper and distribute kisses all over her chest and neck while she unbuttoned his shirt and took it out quickly.

His hands slipped through her neck, gently tightening her throat with his thumbs. He threw her head back and quickly untied the girl's bra, then his fingertips ran down her marked spine causing her skin to bristle at his subtle touch.

Leevanna gathered their lips fearlessly and nipped his lip feeling how he deepened the kiss, catching her lower lip and pulling it a bit to then press her upper lip between his lips — there she knew everything was fine.

That he possessed her again.

" _Draco_..." whispered Leevanna in his ear while he kissed her neck — his teeth nipping her skin as if he were a vampire, to then suck a bit of it and glide his tongue over the little bruise after. Hearing his name coming out from her lips drove him mental. "Make me yours again," she continued feeling how he strongly pulled her to him — their hips brushing slightly and pressing against the fabric.

He looked her in the eye and took her out of the chin. Then he snaked a hand around the back of her neck.

" _You never stopped being mine_ ," he muttered, colliding his hot breath against her face before he pulled her towards his lips, closing the tiny space between them.

His mouth was hungry, aggressively searching hers as if he was starving. And he was. He hadn't tasted Leevanna's soft and red lips for a long time and he needed to have her under him moaning his name again.

He wanted to destroy her for making him feel that — so fucking needy. Every single fucking atom of that tiny body of hers. He wanted to harm her so fucking bad for driving him fucking mental the last weeks.

He smiled on the skin of her neck when he felt her long nails scratch his back. He needed her so much.

This time he wouldn't tie her, he wanted to feel her hands touching every pore of his body.

Although he wanted to punish her until she cried for all the things she makes him feel. Perhaps he could make her cry — but no the sad way, the other, the pleasurable one.

He felt his erection growing under the fabric of his pants, so he took Leevanna by her hips sitting her tightly making her moan softly. She raked her hands desperately along the hard flesh of his abdomen kissing gently his collarbone — her lips leaving tiny red marks on his skin before she slid the tip of her tongue, like a kitten savouring the warm milk on its plate.

And all the answers they didn't want to be able to see and have splashing their minds like flashes.

Draco caressed the girl's thighs kissing her and entering a hand under her skirt, starting to make slow circles on her clit over her underwear. He took Leevanna's chin roughly making her look at him, he wanted to see her moan in pleasure — squirming at his touch.

She looked so pretty, so damn gorgeous moaning against his lips — she looked so innocent, so fucking pure and angelical.

"Why are you so good?" his face contracted in complain mixed with pain. "You're too good... _Too right_..."

"Stop saying that," she snapped. "I'm _not_ good, for anyone, not even for myself."

And the hormones were so fucking stupid that they could bot blame them anymore.

It had never been the hormones.

And it would never be.

"You look so fucking beautiful..." he whispers against her jaw. "So perfect," His lips brushing her skin making her body bow towards him.

The speed of his middle finger was increased, the thin fabric was already wet.

"You like that?" he asks and he nods instantly when her teeth catch her lower lip. "You're such a pretty girl... _All mine_."

Her nails scratched the bare skin of his back, sliding up until her hand presses against his neck. Green eyes falling shut and lashes fluttering over her rosy cheeks.

"All yours..." her lips whisper and fine, long fingers press against his skin, nails entering his hair before she presses her forehead against his.

He pushed the fabric aside and introduced his finger without warning making her moan high, then another before thrusting them deeper while his thumb found her clit to then circled it slowly and possessively. He had missed her so much, he had been craving to touch her again, to feel her.

All those weeks without savouring her taste... He was starving.

Oh, fucking Salazar... Her taste... Her fucking taste...

The taste of the sweet spot between her thick thighs which drove him crazy. The taste of her lips which were so soft and plump. The taste of her skin.

The thought of other guys around her made him angry. Knowing that since he hadn't been with her other boys had been close, breathing her same pure air, smelling her sweet aroma...

He took her chin roughly, forcing her to look at him while he increased the rhythm of his fingers.

"Beg for more," he whispered near her face, slowing down his moments.

" _Please_..." she panted trying to kiss him, but he grabbed her stronger starting to take his fingers out — slowly and tortuously, punishing her.

Why she was begging?! She had never begged for someone to do something.

But with him...

"Please what?" His voice was dangerously low, making slow and painful circles again on her clit.

"Please fuck me already," she said feeling his fingers sank deep in her making her moan.

And he did.

He threw her on the bed, leaving kisses on her bare abdomen while lowering her skirt and knickers with his hands. He climbed down the bed kissing her bare abdomen and trailing down her belly until he reached her pulsating there.

He started kissing the skin of her inner right thigh, nipping it until he left a purple mark on it, hearing her moan. He followed with the other imitating his previous action. Draco climbed up again leaving kisses on her belly and going up to her neck again.

Then he positioned between her legs — aligning his cock on her entrance, teasing it — before kissing her possessively and starting to leave a trail of bruises down her jawline as she unbuttoned his pants and unzipped them. He nipped his teeth on the skin of her chest and then gathered their lips together.

His veiny hand snaked around her neck, cold rings digging into her tender flesh and his thumbs gently tightening her throat. Draco looked into her eyes before he plunged her slowly listening to her moan on his lips.

Both were in fucking paradise.

Her long nails dug deep into the skin of his arms as he went deeper and deeper inside her.

Her tightness made her warm walls wrap around his member, becoming something similar to a tight glove for him — but he loves that.

He keeps leaving kisses down her jawline and neck listening to her delirious moans break free from her pink lips. She arched her back by feeling him completely inside her. She needed more. Her body swam in a sea of lust and desire. She needed him as much as he needed her.

Draco supported one of his hands on the headboard by pounding her faster and deeper. Her soft moans were music for his ears. He gathered his lips with hers in a raw and passionate kiss feeling how she pressed her knees on his torso asking for more.

He soon felt her long nails scratching his back when he accelerated his thrusts, going faster and faster bucking their hips and making the headboard clatter the wall slightly.

Her long entangled hair fell next to her face, decorating her rosy cheeks. Draco was fascinated by the view. Her beauty was unreal and that enchanted him.

Gods, he hates her for being so gorgeous.

Leevanna began to see stars — those coloured spots that blurred her vision — as arched her back forward. She wanted to feel him completely without missing a single part of his ten inches.

Both of them panted on the lips of the other with their mouths open barely touching. How much they had missed each other for holy fuck's sake. Almost three fucking months without bringing their bodies together was an eternity. At least they'd felt it like that.

Draco plunged her faster, reaching his orgasm. Leevanna's body began to send signals and currents while squirming on the bed.

Her toes rolled up while her back arched. She joined her lips with his once again when she felt thousands of fireworks exploding simultaneously inside her. Draco growled on her lips feeling his body liberating too. His thick cum filling her slick walls.

And the questions resolves for themselves, forcing them to face the cruel reality both had fallen into, showing them what they don't want to see or hear. What they couldn't escape and avoid anymore.

But why they had avoided it? Why they didn't want to be able to decipher the riddle?

Because they were scared. Because they were more than afraid. Because no one had taught them how it was supposed to be. Because they had to many issues which were dangerous.

Because they — they were frightened of being able to love.

Both looked the other in the eye before bringing their lips together. She entangled her fingers in his hair as he sat in the bed caressing her lower back when he sat her on him.

At night, after both took a shower together, they went to The Great Hall for dinner and he sat her next to him — making sure she ate.

"So, Leev, can you walk?" She choked on her pumpkin juice hearing Lee's question. She looked up finding the twins looking at her raising their eyebrows repeatedly. Her cheeks blushed.

Oh, Gods.

Oh, holy God's sake.

"The screams, damn. Could you teach me, Malfoy?" And this time it was the blond's turn to choke because of Fred's question. Draco glanced at Leevanna smirking.

Yeah, she screamed pretty loudly.

"We went to Draco's room to see if you were okay and let's say... We preferred not to enter," Lhu said sitting in front of both taking some food to her mouth smiling.

"I wonder if they have kinks," George told his brother, causing Leevanna to get red and Draco to laugh. "Lee, what do you think? Handcuffs or tie?"

"I'm going to the whip," he said looking at his friends with a thinker's pose which they also had.

"She prefers the tie, right Leev?" Draco asked smirking at the girl, she pushed him with her elbow still covering her red face while laughing.

"Bloody hell," Ron whispered scared quite close to the group making Hermione laugh.

For Draco's luck, Snape hadn't given him detention, only removed five points for bad behaviour. But, instead, he gave Blaise a month of detention. Let's say that the professor had a soft-spot for Leevanna, he was her godfather after all.

When they both arrived at Draco's room, Leevanna laid on the bed sighing and feeling full of food. He spanked her playfully before laying by her side.

"So, the tie?" She leaned her elbow to look at him with her eyebrows up. Both laughed out loud before he placed himself between her legs to kiss her.

Their lips pressing and biting the other's as the temperature in their bodies grew every second.

She let out a small groan from her lips when he bit her shoulder skin rudely.

He took her wrists with one hand and placed them above her head while trailing kisses all over her neck and chest. His hands began to take off her clothes quickly, craving to see her naked and trembling under him again — and it hadn't been even two hours ago.

He wanted to see the small, beautiful tears in her green eyes every time he penetrated her so roughly and aggressively that her tiny body hurt.

As he kept kissing her, he took out his robes and knit sweater and then surrounded her neck with one hand and raised her head by pressing the sides of her throat with his fingers with the right pressure.

Their tongues playing along.

Maybe fighting.

They always were fighting.

He climbed down from the bed and quickly took out her skirt and underwear listening to her groans and heavy pant.

Gods, her moans... She moaned like a kitten purring.

She is _his little kitten._

She arched her back and gasped when one of his fingers made contact with her throbbing clit.

"Ah... fucking God—" she panted when he started kissing the skin of her inner thigh.

She lowered her hands trying to catch his blond hair, but he pulled away from her thighs and grabbed her hands roughly. She gasped when she saw him grab the green tie of his shirt to then tie her hands.

Yeah, she loves the tie.

"Be a good kitten and hold them there," he ordered her breathing heavily against her lips.

She nodded quickly and groaned softly when he started nipping her neck's skin again.

His lips made contact with her tender breasts and one of his hands pressed one of them as his fingers pinched her nipple. He passed his tongue through the edge of her left breast before rudely kissing her skin leaving a reddish mark. He unbuttoned his shirt with his free hand while without stop pressing her breast with the other.

His lips caught her bristled nipple and bit it gently with his teeth before sucking.

A small thread of saliva slipped through his lower lip when he moved away from it before directing his lips to her other tender breast.

The texture, flavour and colour of her skin were driving him crazy. It was so smooth and soft... He bit her nipple rudely.

He sucked and kissed her skin leaving small bruises on it.

She squeezed the sheets above her and arched her back feeling his hot breath clashing with the skin of her abdomen, no — _lower_.

He knelt on the floor and took her hips roughly to attract her more to him.

His lips made contact with the skin of her inner thigh, where he kissed and nipped before sliding his tongue until he reached her wet cunt. She moaned loudly when his hot breath made contact with her swollen and moist clit.

She arched her back savagely as she tightened the sheets.

His tongue slid up from her entrance to her pulsating clit before going down and then up again slowly.

Her taste was immaculate.

So sweet... So glorious...

He placed an open-mouth kiss.

His tongue moved and turned and twirled against her clit, playing with it and listening to her more than pleasant moans as his lips filled with her clear and sweet fluids.

His hands took her thighs even harder, pressing his rings against her pale skin. His tongue sank in her entrance and moved inside it, losing himself in the heat she emitted. Leevanna squirmed on the bed while delirious moans escaped from her blood-rushed lips.

Her tied hands tightening and pulling the sheets.

Her back arched even more, with her forehead almost rubbing the black sheets of the bed, feeling his snake-like tongue going deeper inside her.

Her legs wrapped slowly around his head as a petition to continue his moves, which he did. He thrust his tongue deeper into her using it to roughly massage and dug in her wet entrance. His soft groans against her pussy turned her even more.

When the orgasm began to build inside her making her legs tremble, even more, he lifted his head while panting and then began to kiss her inner thighs biting her skin leaving little purple bruises again.

Two large bruises decorated her skin.

"Draco..." she moaned arching her back as a complaint.

He climbed up the bed again as he unblocked his belt to unbutton his pants leaving them on the floor.

"Tell me how bad do you want me to fuck you," he ordered colliding his breath with her neck's skin.

Oh, Draco Malfoy was a bad, bad man — making her implore for him to be inside her.

"So badly..." she implored. "Oh, God!" A loud whimper left her pretty mouth when one of his fingers entered her.

"And why I should fuck you?" He teased pumping his finger even faster.

He was a really man bad.

Another finger entered her.

Her walls tightening.

But she also knew how to play.

"Because you need it too..." and she moaned arching her back.

And well... Was she lying?

He sank his fingers even deeper, nudging his yolks against her most sensitive point repeatedly. She winced a little and moaned in complain when his fingers left her again.

He lowered his boxers making his thick, hard cock jolt up.

"I want to _destroy_ you, Leevanna," he breathed against her face.

His tip pressing her entrance.

"Every fucking atom of that tiny body of yours..." he said again, panting as her back arched.

His touch burning her.

And she realises she likes, no — loves — being touched... But only by him. She could keep it that way, she would and she must.

" _Destroy me._.." she said firmly and panting. " _I want you to destroy me..._ "

He chuckled softly against her face.

"Your words, not mine."

And then, all his cock entered her without any hope of mercy.

But none of them was talking about that type of destruction.

They want to _destroy_ themselves.

Like _real_ destruction — a big one, an explosion that would leave them so wounded that they may think they are dead. An explosion which would leave them breathless and with a long, nasty scar that would never be able to heal.

One of his hands went up and intertwined with her tied hands while the other grabbed her thigh. Each rough and aggressive thrust moving them closer to the climax.

༄

Two days later, the girl was being introduced to Molly Weasley bu the twins.

"Madam Mum, Leevanna Vaughan," said Fred with a smile as stood up behind the girl. Molly turned her head to look at George.

"She's the good one, the inoffensive," said George faking to murmur in her ear.

"George!" chuckled Leevanna. "But yeah, I'm the good one I guess," she said as her cheeks blushed a little. Molly smiled at her and went to hug her. The green-eyed froze a bit, but then, after closing her eyes and relaxing her body, she allowed her arms to circle the woman's waist.

"I hope this two haven't driven you crazy yet," the woman laughed as both separated and she took her cheeks.

"A bit," she said playfully. "But at least I'm not the one dating one of the pair," and she made Molly chuckle again.

"I like these girls," said Molly as Lhu circled her waist in a one-sided hug and the woman passed an arm around her shoulders.

"I like you two, Molly," Leevanna said with a smile making everyone smile too. She blushed.

"Aw, we made her blush," said Fred in a cheesy way as he pinched one of her cheeks.

"I'm not!" Leevanna tried to say as her face turned even redder. "I — I'm going now because you — _You!_ I really despise you guys — Pleasure, Molly. See you later, you buffoons... And stop making fun of me, George!"

She turned her body quickly after waving a fast goodbye. She sighed and rolled her eyes playfully when she saw Draco leaned on a wall with his arms closed over his chest before raising his head and looking at her while twirling his tongue against the inner part of his cheek, then he raised his eyebrows.

"Don't be such a grumpy, Malfoy," she said smirking before kissing him softly and playfully. He raised an eyebrow and huffed. "Jealous, are we?"

"Me? _Jealous?_ " She nodded twirling her tongue against her cheek, he laughed sarcastically. "Oh, please — I —" she raised an eyebrow. "Piss off, Vaughan," he rolled his eyes taking her by the waist pulling her closer before taking her chin to leave a soft kiss on her pink lips.

None of them realised they'd actually kissed in public and a lot of people was containing cheerful screams as they covered their mouths with their hands. Yes, the people were starting to saw them as something else more than friends, but when they spent almost two months without talking, they'd thought there was no hope for their 'enemies-lovers' novel, until that day.

Three days after Draco's birthday, the 9th of June, Leevanna's birthday, the blond looked for her in the library.

"And I said: 'look, _swot_ , if you're going to talk about Slytherins, first stop sitting on your mummy's lap to read the fucking Daily Prophet and being a pussy," said Daphne towards the two girls in front of her.

"Gryffindor could fucking suck it," Pansy rolled her eyes before wetting her quill in the ink to keep writing. "And they are supposed to be the chivalrous ones? Please, as if."

"I don't understand how you and Lhu can actually hang out with them," said Daphne looking to Leevanna before highlighting something.

"Well... Not all the Dumbledore's fans are Mummy's boys," she shrugged. "The twins and Jordan are actually chivalrous," she sighed. "It's like putting all the Slytherins in the same bag just because Tom Riddle was in our house," her voice decreasing as the other two serpents looked at her.

"Should I call you lion now?" asked Pansy with a raised eyebrow.

"Do not insult me," Leevanna squirmed and made a grimace of disgust.

"But she has a point," sighed Daphne. "I mean, if you say there are Gryffin-losers who are like their house description, there are also Slytherins who don't want to be on the dark side, you're right," she chuckled. "And well — I can't talk for the Weasel-Bees but I agree with what you said about Jordan."

"See?" said the green-eyed fixing her eyes on Pansy. "And that doesn't mean that we're on their side — Merlin free me about that."

"Have it your way," sighed Pansy. "But no one's going to deny that the Immortal Orphan could really suck it."

"Cheers," said Leevanna making a fist-high with her. "What are you looking at?" she frowned when her two friends looked at her trying not to smile. "Dumbledore's naked and behind me or what?"

"Not exactly," and _his_ voice made her jump.

"Merlin, Malfoy, you're resting me years I swear," she said rolling her eyes before supporting her hand on the table and turn to look at him. "What do you want?"

"As if you aren't happy to see me, Vaughan."

"I'm never happy to see you," she sighed and he glared her.

"Oh, so I come here with the white-flag to say happy birth—"

"Don't!" she hurried to put her hands on his mouth. Everyone in the place said _'Sh!'_

"Today's your birthday?" said Daphne excited. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"It's — I hate it — It's complicated—" babbled Leevanna blushing.

"Oh, Salazar's sake, I thought I would never know the date," and Daphne turned her body to her bag and grabbed a green small box out of it. "I was gonna give it to you anyways."

"Oh, Daph — It's really not — I—" and she couldn't be redder. "Look at what have you done!" she said between teeth towards the blond, who raised his arms in surrender playfully. "I — Thank you, Daphne," and she grabbed the box.

"Should I..." groped Pansy looking at her. "Happy—" Leevanna shook her head, begging for her not to complete her phrase. "Whatever," the raven-haired chuckled.

"Let's go," said Draco with a playful smirk. "I want to talk with you."

"But first I'm going to fucking burn you alive," Leevanna huffed waving goodbye to her friends as she grabbed her suitcase. Draco put his hands inside his pockets chuckling. "Who told you?" asked Leevanna once they left the library. "Only Severus, Luna and — I'm going to kill her."

"Well, Lhu's death can wait," Draco sighed turning his head to look at her. "Come, let's go, hurry those goblin legs of yours."

"Oh, so now it's my fault," she laughed sarcastically. "You're a fucking pole and I'm not saying: 'slow down those pole legs of yours'."

"Always such a grumpy, don't you?" he said narrowing his eyes at her.

"Look who talks about it," she also narrowed her eyes. "Be useful once and hold this, would you?" she huffed and handed him her suitcase without care.

"What the hell d'you have in this?" he complained. "The whole Quidditch team?"

"Yeah, maybe Crabbe's making weight," she huffed. "Anyways, where are we going?"

"How impatient you are," he huffed. "Here, go on."

"The fucking Forbidden Forest?" Leevanna turned to look at him. "Are you fucking mental? I don't fucking know about your crazy fantasies but I'm not having sex in the fucking leaves."

"We're not having sex here, you silly bint," he shook his head shuddering. "Ew — Just — All the insects — _Ew_."

"Why are we here then?" she sighed as both walked among the trees. "Are you going to kidnap me? Or are you really thinking about taking me to a risk, pitch me and say it was an accident?"

"If I wanted to kill you, I would use acid," he sighed. "You see acid here? No."

"Should I be thankful or scared?" she frowned confused. "Do I need to say my last words?"

Draco laughed and denied with his head before looking at her again. "Not today," he smiled making her chuckle. "Close your eyes."

"Oi, that's what I said for your birthday," she said narrowing her eyes playfully. "Be original."

"And what the hell you want me to say? Give me your eyes for a moment?" he rolled his eyes and she opened her mouth to protest. "Be quiet for a second and close your eyes, Vaughan," he interrupted placing a hand on her face.

"Fine," she huffed crossing her arms over chest and letting herself be guided by the blond. Several seconds later, while her anxiety raised and through her ears just leaked the sound of the leaves crunching under her feet, she talked again. "I have anxiety you know? I'm thinking about the millions of things you're going to do and—"

"We're already here," he chuckled uncovering her face. "You can open your eyes now."

And she obeys him.

"Draco... I—..."

"Are you going to run towards them or what?" he said raising an eyebrow playfully and keeping his hands in his pockets. She smiled at him and rolled her eyes before running.

"My children!" she said happily as she surrounded the dragon's neck with her arms. "Come here with mummy," she chuckled caressing another. The dragons seemed to be smiling too.

"Mate, your girl is hugging the fucking dragons... What the hell," said the man who had brought them.

"Oh, yeah, she's their mum," he sighed. "They love her."

"How did you brought them?" Leevanna asked as she went to hug the third and last dragon. "They told me they couldn't bring them here anymore after the tasks."

"Well... I'm Draco Malfoy, what did you spect?" he said approaching her. "I just made a few calls and here they are— Holy shit! Keep that thing away from me!" She laughed.

"They're not going to harm you," she smiled. "Right my little kid?" she said lovingly to the dragon as she scratched its chin making the beast twist in pleasure. "Thank you, Draco," she smiled towards him.

"Look at that, you have manners after all," she rolled her eyes. "You're welcome, Leev," he smiled too. "And happy birthday by the way," she laughed nodding.

And it was the first time, after and before that had happened, that she really enjoyed her birthday.

"Come, give me your hand," she said extending hers for him to take it. He gives it to her a bit insecure.

"You're not going to let them eat me, right?" she shrugged. "I swear to Salazar, Leevanna, give me my hand—"

"I'm joking," she laughed before she placed both of their hands over the head of the dragon. "Look, they like you," she smiled still with her hand over his.

"Y-Yeah, I think so," he muttered when her hand left his. "Oh, hello... _You_ ," he said when the dragon caressed its head against his body.

And she laughs again seeing his nervousness as he caresses the dragon's head. Feels those tickles in her belly again.

And he looks at her smiling as both still caressed the dragon's heads. He feels that warmth inside his chest again.

༄

She huffed.

"Malfoy," Leevanna said before grabbing her book and start hitting him.

"This counts as domestic violence?" Asked Theodore taking one of the green-eyed's jelly slugs to his mouth and his other friends denied. "Maybe we should take them to the zoo."

"Why the zoo?" Frowned Pansy confused.

"They would put them in the snakes section, they would fight all the time and entertain the public," Theo shrugged playfully smiling.

"We could make a box-match between the two of them," laughed Daphne.

"That's a good idea actually," chuckled Lhu before giving her popsicle a bite. "Imagine all the people who would pay just to see them."

"They're like two kids fighting for a toy, really," laughed Pansy seeing them yell at each other for an answer in Arithmancy. "They're like those old-married couple who fight because they don't have their hearing aid turned on. It's so fucking funny."

"I just know, that if they get married, that's going to happen," laughed Daphne.

" _'Draco! Is time for your pills!'_ " Said Theodore imitating Leevanna.

" _'What?! My bills?!'_ " Followed Lhu this time imitating Draco.

" _'What did you said?! That you have chills?!'_ "

" _'Who wants crisps?!'_ "

Pansy and Daphne laughed so hard that they started gasping for air as they held their belly's.

Leevanna and Draco stopped fighting and turned their heads to look at their friends, who were supporting on each other as they laughed and said things like: _'A bear eat the kids?!' 'What?! That you need a quill?!'_

"Why are they laughing?" Asked Draco frowning.

"I don't know," she shrugged and both looked at each other again. "Like I was saying, my answer is correct."

He rolled his eyes. "You, stupid and blind star-nosed mole, there's a one right in front of you, your answer isn't right."

"How did you just call me?"

"Star-nosed mole."

"You're a ferret."

"You're a bitch."

"You're a fucking ostrich."

"Oh, well you're a sloth."

"And you are a turke—"

" _Vaughan_."

Both turned their heads listening Blaise Zabini's voice calling the girl. The blond and the dark-skinned collided glances.

"Hello, Blaise!" Said Theo cheerfully and waving his hand once the four Slytherins calmed their laughs. "Want to join us and make fun of the old-married couple?"

"What old-married couple?" Asked Draco turning to see him.

"You and Leevanna," laughed Daphne and the green-eyed and the blond took off their middle fingers.

"Vaughan, can I talk with you?" Said Blaise lowering his gaze to see her again. Draco looked at him again before looking at Leevanna.

"Yeah," she sighed standing up from the grass. "Here or...?"

"Inside," said Blaise and she nodded to start following him.

None of them spoke while walking, just heard the laughs of some students who were walking by their side. When they reached an almost empty hallway, he sighed.

"I wanted to apologise," he began and stood in front of her to see her in the eye. She crossed her arms over her chest. "For the things I said to you the last time and before The Yule Ball."

"Oh — I — There's no need, I was a real bitch with you too," she chuckled.

"Yeah, you were," and he chuckles too. "But — _Really_ , I'm sorry for that."

"No worries, I'm sorry, too," she sighed. "Civilised persons again?" He laughs as she extends her hand to shook it with him and he nods accepting it.

"I'm not going to stop messing with you, just for your knowledge," he raised an eyebrow playfully.

"I hope you don't," and she raised an eyebrow too as she crossed her arms again.

༄

"She doesn't like the Sunny-mellow ones," says George Weasley.

"How d'you know that?" asks Jordan grabbing the Chocoballs instead of the lemon sugar quills with a frown.

"'Cause my witch doesn't either," answers the redhead with a playfully smile before grabbing one more box of Sugared Butterfly Wings.

Draco put his hands in his pockets and passed his gaze through Honeydukes trying to decide what to buy.

"Thought you were going for the sugar quills," said Fred at his side before licking his Blood-flavoured lollipop.

"Bought her tons the other day," the blue-grey-eyed sighed. "For who's Jordan shopping?"

"Your witch," he said casually passing a hand through his hair.

" _What?_ "

Fred chuckled. "For her birthday," he says turning his head to see his friend. "As a late present because he just heard about it."

Draco nods with his brows softly frowned.

"Sure you don't have your Ton-Tongue Toffees with ya?"

Fred smirked mischievously. "How many d'you need, dear mate?"

"As many as you have," the blond sighs giving him twelve galleons without anyone noticing while Fred licked his lollipop innocently.

Draco started merging the toffees with one another until he formed a big rectangle with a L and J on the top. He used Engorgio to make one of the wrappers bigger and Evanesco to disappear the other ones.

"Think your witch just found something," Fred said grabbing a Cauldron Cake and pointing the window. Draco nodded and both hit fists as a goodbye.

Draco put the a Blood-flavoured lollipop in his mouth before passing next to Jordan to pay the No-melt Ice cream and leave the store.

In front of Gladrags Wizardwear and with a bag from Tomes and Scrolls, Leevanna contemplated a dark-grey, trench hooded coat khaki with faux fur.

"Skint we are," said Lhu watching the price.

Leevanna nodded slowly. Enamoured with the fabric and imagining with how many outfits she could use it.

That if she hadn't already almost ran out of her monthly galleons just like Lhu. And she didn't want to ask for more until arriving her manor. She didn't want to owl her mother asking for money.

"Ladies," and both rolled her eyes hearing Corman McLaggen's voice. "Looking for new fancy clothes?"

"What d'you want, McLaggen?" sighed Lhu still hypnotised by the coat.

"Thought we've passed first-name basis, _Lhu_ ," said the boy standing in front of her.

"I have a boyfriend, _McLaggen_ ," the brunette turns to look at him with her eyes narrowed. The Gryffindor smiles and shrugs playfully. Hands behind his back.

"Need help carrying your books?"

"I've already denied your poor courting, McLaggen," says Leevanna crossing her arms, eyes still on the coat. "And if I am to require help, I'd rather ask a troll than your unpleasant existence."

"Witches shouldn't be alone, Vaughan," he says walking towards her.

"Fortunately she's _not_."

And two of them turn to look at Draco leaking his red lollipop. Leevanna keeps her eyes on the coat.

"Malfoy," says McLaggen stepping a few feet away from the green-eyed.

"Witches shouldn't have unwanted company, McLaggen," he grins before introducing the now small lollipop in his mouth. "And if I ain't wrong, you've interrupted _my_ witch's serenity."

"I was just having a chin wag with her, Malfoy," he says upping his lips' corners in a bitter smile.

"For me, she looks cheesed off," Draco shrugs without pulling out the lollipop. "Budge up, McLaggen."

And the Gryffindor raises her arms in surrender while walking away.

"Thank you," sighs Lhu keeping her arms in her pockets. Draco nods before his thumb points behind him towards the place he has been not so long ago.

"Your wizard has Butterfly Wings for you," and he walks towards the green-eyed once Lhu's face has been illuminated and her feet had guide her hastily towards her boyfriend.

He stands next to her and keeps his hands in his pockets making aside his black, long blazer.

"Go for it."

"What?"

"The coat," his head turns at her while pulling out the lollipop. "Is yours," and is her turn to turn her head.

"You're kidding," her clear eyes glistening.

He shook his head.

And Leevanna ran inside the shop while taking off her thin sweater and put the other one on. Draco's lips formed a closed-mouth smile as he entered the shop and pay for the coat.

His hand held the door for her but he didn't expect she would throw her arms around his neck to crash their lips together.

Her lips taste like Blue cherry-berry. He knows she's been eating one.

His hand found her cheek and while his thumb brushes her cheek, she, still on tiptoes, flexes her leg upwards unconsciously. His other hand finds her waist and she presses more against him.

"Oh, you didn't!" Lhu's voice made Leevanna turn with a smile before running towards her.

"I have it! I have it!" Leevanna cooed while modelling her new coat.

"Malfoy! Sure you're not looking for a _ménage à trois_?!" said the brunette making him chuckle and shake his head in denial. "You, witch!"

"It's _miiiineee_!" Leevanna jumped holding her best friend's shoulders before embracing her coat.

"How much that was?" asked Fred at his side crossing his arms.

"Fifteen divided by five, multiplied by nine and then one hundred," he chuckled grabbing one jelly slug from the redhead's bag. "Plus two hundred and ten. In galleons."

Fred choked on his jelly slug.

"Ton-Tongue Toffees?"

"Stay chuffed, mate," Fred grinned diabolically turning his head to look at the blond, who smirked mischievously.

At that moment, Honeydukes' door opened with one redhead laughing out loud and a dark-skinned man trying not to freak out, a long and swollen tongue sticking out.

"How Slytherin of you, Weasley," muttered Draco making Fred chuckle.

" _You!_ You should be ashamed, Draco Malfoy!" she yelled with her face rosy from rage. "That was _not funny_!"

"I—"

"Shut up!" she shrieked slamming her foot on the floor. "And you?!" her eyes now fixed on the other boy. "Helping him with his moronic ideas!"

"But—"

"No buts, Fred Weasley!" and they didn't know how her voice could be so sharp but scary. "I'm disappointed! You two behave like bloody children!" she huffed. "Think about what you did!" she pointed them with her finger. "I'm _not_ talking to you until you two learn how to behave!"

Both watched her turn to start walking away.

"And apologise to him! _Both of you!_ " and, with that, she was gone from the hallway.

Fred pursed his lips trying not to smile.

Draco twirled his tongue against his inner cheek while crossing his arms.

And the redhead snorted.

" _Weasley!_ "

"I — I-I'm sorry," he laughed supporting one hand on the blond's shoulder to try and calm himself. Draco shrugged his shoulder and huffed. "She was so mad," and he laughed harder.

"It's _not funny_!" Draco growled. "She isn't going to talk to me!" he whined while Fred took deep breaths. "What am I supposed to do? I'm not going to shag!"

"Are we going to apologise?" asked Fred raising an eyebrow.

"What d'you think?" the blond turned his head to look at him with both brows up.

"Not a chance," smirked the redhead making Draco chuckle. "But what are we going to do?"

"Obliviate?"

"Good idea," Fred nodded. "Did you see the size of his tongue?"

"It reached his stomach."

Both looked at each other for a second before exploding into laughter. Yeah, their joke had gone so well that now Lee was in the hospital wing trying to get his tongue to its normal size. It had been _so_ funny, every student at Hogwarts had laughed.

"It was good doing business with you, mate," said Draco once both could stop laughing from their memory of Lee panicking when the spell that was supposed to reverse the effect had just made it worse.

"Whenever you want, mate," and both bump fists before starting to walk.

Two days later, a pretty girl with green eyes still didn't talk with both boys. She ignores them as if they were air. The Obliviate spell hadn't worked — and she was even more angry for that.

Draco is the most affected one.

"Vaughan," he whined as she walked past him with a book in front of her face. "We're not apologising," and he tries to block her path standing in front of her, but she just dodges him. "Talk to me!"

"Leev, if you talk to me I buy you ice-cream," Fred tries to negotiate. She just keeps walking. "Leevy!"

And they watch her walk away towards Daphne, Pansy and Blaise.

Before she conjures an ice-cream cone.

"Still the cold shoulder?" came Lhu's voice grinning with the other twin at her side.

_Bloody Ice Queen._

Draco whined throwing his head backwards trying to think what he could do. "I haven't shagged in a bloody week."

"Always you could—"

" _No_ ," both responded making George chuckle at their stubbornness.

"Wait — mate, she's looking," said Fred attracting the blond's attention. And effectively, she was looking at _him_.

And her tongue licked the mint ice-cream, rolling it to give it shape.

"Oh, she didn't," snorted Lhu supporting her hands and head on George's shoulder.

Though she wasn't exactly looking at _Draco_ anymore, he's definitely looking at her — _tongue_. How it moves and licks. All while she chuckles and talks to her friends.

Suddenly all the crème entered her mouth before she pulled it out— painfully slowly. Her tongue moved over the tip again before... _pressing_ and licking from down to top... And entering it to her mouth again.

Draco opened his mouth only to shut it and look away.

_Little bitch._

"She doesn't know what she's doing," chuckled Fred crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh, she _does_ ," growled Draco narrowing his eyes at her. "She knows _exactly_ what she's doing."

And she turned her head at him before winking an eye and wiping away the thread of crème from her lower lip with her thumb to then lick it too prior to look away again.

"We're apologising."

"But—"

"I need to shag!"

༄

The 24th of June, Leevanna laughed when she felt how Draco held her by the waist from behind before leaving a kiss on her head. He loved to do that, everyone could see that she was only his in that way.

Her cheeks blushed and her mouth opened wide when the sound of his voice leaked into her ears. Draco Malfoy was a very bad and naughty man who loves the dirty talk.

"I don't know you... But for me it seems a good idea," he said in her ear again, almost an imperceptible, teasing whisper.

"I swear to Merlin—" she had not even finished reproaching him when he whispered again. "Malfoy! Shut up!"

"Merlin's sake, you two. There are rooms y'know?" George told them laughing joining his hands with Lhu's, who was sitting on his shoulders.

"Please, don't give them more ideas," Fred said putting some of Lee's food into his mouth. Then the four went to their places leaving the couple alone.

"Cedric!" Leevanna exclaimed letting go of Draco's grip to go hug the Hufflepuff boy, who lifted her in the air.

Draco's jaw clenched seeing him surrounding her tiny and gorgeous body with his filthy fucking arms.

But he disguised it quite well. So quite well that he has drawn his wand unconsciously.

"Good luck," the girl said smiling to the boy in front of her. "You and Fleur have my hope in this suicidal shite," he laughed nodding before giving her another hug.

"Thank you for being the best friend," he told her once they separated. "Now go with your boyfriend before he leaves me worse than he left Blaise," she nodded kissing his cheek and running to Draco.

And Draco couldn't help but glare him as the girl went back to him.

" _You're mine_ , you know?" He told her seriously and surrounding her shoulders with his arm ti pull her closer.

He definitely didn't like another boys around her, whoever the boy was. He hated seeing other people breathing next to her — smelling her subtle aroma the way he did.

"Yeah, _aha_ , _yOuRs_ ," she said rolling her eyes in amusement.

"Let's see if you say that later," he said raising an eyebrow.

A few seconds later the band started playing and both went to their seats. Leevanna laughed watching Malfoy support Krum.

"The first person to touch the cup will be the winner!" and everyone cheered up hearing Dumbledore's words. "I've instructed the staff to patrol the perimeter if at any point should a contestant wish. To withdraw from the task he or she need only send up red sparks with their wands," said Dumbledore finalising his speech. "Contestants, gather round," he said and spoke to them for some seconds.

Leevanna smiled when she saw Cedric and his father hug and then entered the maze.

And that was the last time he saw him do it.

Her smile disappeared a few hours later when Harry Potter and Cedric's dead body appeared a few metres near the entrance to the maze.

Music made everything more traumatising.

"He's back, he's back! Voldemort's back!" And, for Leevanna, the world slowed down.

And for Draco too.

Oh, Salazar, he was so scared.

He won't admit it though — he would _never_ say that he was afraid of something or someone out loud.

"He's dead..." she whispered still in shock and Draco, who had already realised, grabbed her hand quickly to get her out of there before she started hyperventilating.

"That's my boy! That's my son!" Amos Diggory's screams were still heard several stands back.

Draco felt the anxiety and panic possessing his body.

"Everything is okay, look at me," he told her holding her by her shoulders. He remembered the Dementor's attack last year.

Just that she had not reacted the way she did.

"DO NOT TOUCH ME!" she yelled sacred as she aggressively twisted and shuddered to release herself from his grip. "Get your hands off of me!"

She had fallen backwards and looked so sacred while she slid awkwardly to get away from him.

And Draco looked at her shocked and confused.

"Leev—"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she continued yelling as she became tiny on the floor. Her arms covered her face with her whole body trembling. "Do not hurt me..." she whispered.

Draco approached her slowly, still in shock and trying to comprehend what was happening.

"It's okay... It's okay..." he said holding her by her elbows as he kneeled in front of her while she continued shedding silent tears and her body shaking. "It's me, Leevy..." he whispered, slowly parting her arms to see her face. "It's Draco, Leevy..."

She looked at him scared.

"Draco..." she breathed as her body relaxed. "Don't let him hurt me..."

Draco did not understand or know what or who was she talking about.

"I won't... I promise," he muttered attracting her to her body to wrap her in a tight hug between his arms.

As an injured little bird.

"Everything it's going to be okay, it's okay..." he whispered against her hair kissing it and hugging her tightly as she cried.

But nothing was going to be fine.

Days later, when the schools left Hogwarts, Leevanna made sure to hug Fleur and her sister as tightly as she could and thanked the eldest for not dying in that horrible tournament.

"I'll write to you arriving France!" The girl said saying goodbye with her hand and hurrying to get on her carriage.

After the incident behind the stands when Cedric's dead body had appeared, Draco had not mentioned the way Leevanna had reacted to anyone. Not to her, not to Lhu, not to Snape, not to anyone.

And he had really tried to not think about it either.

She had fallen asleep in his arms after several minutes and he had carried her and headed to his private dorm.

He really, really tried not to think about that.

And he had not asked any questions the next day when she woke up without knowing how she had arrived at his room — she had no idea about what she had done or said either. And Draco would not tell her. He had said that she had faint when Cedric's body appeared and she had believed him because it made sense.

"Promise to write me in the summer, all the time," Leevanna said, feeling the twins, Lee and Lhu standing behind her.

"I'm definitely not going to write to you," Lee told her biting his sandwich before laughing when he was hit by her in a playfully way.

"And there comes the sex machine," both twins said at the same time seeing Draco walk in their direction making Leevanna laugh.

And maybe that would be the last time everyone enjoyed together.


	14. Pink

**DRAGON'S LOVE** **SUMMER BREEZES!**

_Dragons, such beautiful creatures indeed. Always protecting what it's theirs. Guarding the tower and, on this occasion, the Queen._

_As I am sure all of you are aware, we're indeed celebrating with a fruit cocktail in hand the season of love. That is, fair reader, young feelings floating as if spring breeze is._

_In her second season for suitors and well-know for always having what she wants, no matter the price, Miss Leevanna Vaughan, Vaughan-Sthone inheritance's legitimate heir and three times winner of Most Pretty Witch award, has become knowledgable for being as cold as ice and reject offers of courting as if blinking. With her intelligence above the rest and flawlessness, she's been conquering wizards before even entering to season._

_One in specific._

_Mr Draco Malfoy, heir of Malfoy inheritance and coveted but lonely Slytherin Prince, has seemed to be doing honour at his name's meaning and guard a sublime treasure for himself. Well-known for his rivalry with our young witch in intelligence, seems that his heart wasn't aware of the competition._

_Both were seen for first time in The Yule Ball, dancing and laughing until both left past two in the morning. No news was given until a good long month after when Mr Malfoy was sighted buying a very costly necklace which soon was around Miss Vaughan's neck. They say giving stars is the most splendiferous way to promise something._

_Or perhaps this author is speaking yet very soon? Could it be we are to be mistaken?_

_Financial arrangements in Pureblood Culture and marriage bonds are very much still present nowadays to keep reputations in line, dearest reader. Let us just hope this isn't the case._

_Nevertheless, perhaps our single lady's heart has indeed been finally conquered and our Slytherin Prince has found someone to reign with._

_Recently, their presence was in the Blossom's Auction given by, in this opportunity, Mrs Louise Zabini. Such beautiful beaded lace corset gown Miss Vaughan wore, I must compliment. Yet the golden end was Mr Malfoy bowing (if your wizard doesn't bow, isn't worth your time, dear) to kiss her hand after leaving the most expensive item on her finger._

_Yes, my dearest reader. If you were speculating who dared to snatch the Crown's Blossom from you, young Malfoy is to blame. A ravishing golden, spiral ring with rubies incrustations that has as meaning 'Flower of my Blossomed Heart'._

_Miss Vaughan here seems fond of expensive objects (shall we remember our last article about the two in Gladrags Wizardwear and faded blue lips accompanied by expensive coats?). She's very possessive with them we must say._

_But Mr Malfoy isn't behind: dragons are known for keeping the most valuable treasure and keep it for them, burning however threats to take it away._

_The families of this young couple haven't said anything about their current heirs' relationship._

_Would the dragon be able to protect his most valuable possession? Our young Ice Queen would finally let her heart be melt?_

_Or perhaps would all burn down into flames?_

_Let us hope spring does last so long to hear wedding bells._

— August 10, by **Rita Skeeter** , in **Witch Weekly**.

**_______________**

"Those are _my_ biscuits!"

"No if you don't catch me!"

And the vanilla enters her mouth making a delicious sound when it breaks to be chewed.

She ends up leaving the rest of the biscuit being held by her mouth while running through the passageway with a bowl in hands. The enormous windows letting the remaining sun to illuminate their skins.

Black Byron shirt, pirate/poet style and trousers chasing a white tulle, evening off-shoulders gown.

His hand meets a marble column to prevent him from falling before turning and changing directions. The portraits look at them with contained laughter and low whispers.

"Leevanna Vaughan!"

"You sound like Severus," she says stopping the game for a second before both shuddered.

And he continues to chase after her.

His hand grabs an armour's rapier when her hand also does it. Both stop for another second.

With eyes narrowed she was the first one to move her rapier making him block it while the biscuits' recipient jingled. She dodged his attack moving her body aside and upping her arm to prevent him to reach the biscuits. Her wrist moved and now her rapier was adjacent to his.

He raised an eyebrow and she both.

" _A young lady with such dangerous weapon_ ," reproached the near portrait of Septimus Malfoy shaking his head in disapproval.

"C'mon, sir," she chuckled when the blond dodged her attack. "Some fun ain't no hurt."

" _This new generations_ ," scoffed the man making Draco snort. " _And you, young boy?_ "

"She's everything but a lady," he said making both rapiers collide. "A star-nosed mole perhaps," and the outraged face Leevanna made makes him laugh while she dodged his rapier.

"Sir, have I told you a professor turned him into a ferret?" and the portrait of Abraxas Malfoy laugh. "An albino one."

"What I'd give to see it," said Abraxas simulating to wipe his eyes' tears.

"Sure I can—"

"Don't you dare!"

And both continued fighting while leaving the illuminated passageway behind.

Her rapier got stuck in near furniture when both reached the drawing-room connected with the family dining room. He was about to chant victory when she gave a spin and he had to dodge her recent attack.

Her ballet flats made her easier to get over the table followed by him.

"Refined indeed," muttered Lucius with his view on the Daily Prophet where another article — also written by Skeeter — of both teenagers was. ' _A DRAGON WITH QUEEN!_ ' was the header.

" _Flawless_ , she said," sighed Narcissa still reading Witch Weekly making her husband chuckle.

Leevanna and Draco ignored the two adults and continued duelling.

"So, you two witch and wizard?" asked Lucius changing the page of his newspaper.

" _We're not dating!_ "

In a second he did a manoeuvre that left her without her rapier and just the recipient. She narrowed her eyes at him making him shrug before fidgeting with both rapiers making circled with them by the sides of his body.

She threw the recipient the air in a way of distraction.

Her heel wrapped around his leg and her hand grabbed her rapier agilely. She gave a spin pushing his body backwards with her leg and allowing the levitating recipient to fall on her hand while her rapier's tip pointed his chin.

"Twice," her brow raised and a playfully smirk made him roll his eyes.

She was about to grab one of the vanilla biscuits suddenly a foot intertwined with her leg making her fall on her arse and the recipient to land on his hand.

"I win," he raised both eyebrows now already standing up.

Leevanna huffed seeing him jump out of the table while biting one biscuit and walking towards the sofas fidgeting with his rapier.

"Mipsy is to prepare tea for Miss?" asked the elf appearing in front of Leevanna making her jump in fright and Draco laugh at her.

"With one and two honey spoons and milk, thank you, Mipsy," she answered and the elf nodded. "What did Skeeter wrote?" She fell on the sofa with legs over Draco's lap while she made a biscuit levitate to her mouth.

" _'Two young diamonds of the Sacred Twenty-Eight have decided to merge, breezes of summer feelings would announce_ wedding _bells?'_ " and both choke on their recent brought teas at Lucius' words.

"Wedding _what_?" Draco blinked several times before giving his biscuit another bite.

"Summer feelings," Leevanna scoffed. "Bloody beetle."

"For your sake, I don't like you," the blond said raising both eyebrows.

"Fortunately, I hate you, too," she smiled.

Summer has been quite entertaining for both of them. One mischief for here and one childish fight for there, chasing each other through the passageways or perhaps swimming on the small State Gardens' lagoon.

It was wonderful.

The first month of vacation had been spent in Vaughan Manor and now all August would be in Malfoy Manor. They tried to avoid The Dark Lord business as much as they could. Usually, both stayed in the other's room until he left the place because of their young age. Though we also have to add the anxiety crisis and small panic attacks both were starting to have — it was horrible, for both of them, feeling his red, penetrating eyes on them, as if he was waiting for something or them.

The four went back to their own worlds, Narcissa still reading some partially fetching article in Witch Weekly and Lucius with his mind in Harry Potter's Disciplinary hearing and how he was supposed to keep their undercover dark business in the darkness.

On the other hand, Leevanna and Draco were playing cards and laughing lowly because both were accusing the other of cheating while they were doing it on their own.

That until Mipsy appeared with a letter.

"Mipsy is to deliver to Miss Leevy," she said handing the envelope.

"Thank you, Mipsy," smiled Leevanna. "And those earrings are certainly elegant, Maglor's got my taste indeed," the elf blushed and with a smile disappeared from the room.

"You've got a Disciplinary Hearing too?" Draco chuckled while shuffling the cards.

"Funny," she rolled her eyes playfully. "It's from my Mama."

Her fingers caressed the sophisticated lettering with her name and hurried to open it.

_Dear daughter,_

_Thought you and Draco weren't something, but Witch Weekly and The Daily Prophet say otherwise._

_Your father made me write this to tell you he expects fine behaviour during your stay with the Malfoys — and more things I certainly don't want to write but you imagine. He asked me to remind you the last conversation he had directly with you._

_For my part, I'm just hoping you don't cause any drama for Skeeter to report. That's my only request for you. A witch always must know to be discreet with her business._

_Congratulations, however. You and Draco seem to be doing lovely._

_I'm not asking you anything but your father is desperate to cut tongues who speak of you with their sons. He's asking for me to tell you that if this is serious you are to marry Draco._

_So,_ please _, if this is just a summer whim, please end it as soon as possible. Think about your future, Leevanna. You're an heir. You have responsibilities._

_Hope you are having a great time._

_Best wishes and love,_

_Mum._

Leevanna's smile faded away with every word the letter has. Didn't even have time to process the penultimate word in it.

She'd been happy. At least she thought that. Everything was relatively calm. How simple words had been able to change her mood so drastically? There were just words.

Words certainly maim more than swords.

She is sixteen. Knows that her second season has already begun and someday the word 'wedding' was to be heard. Didn't expect it so soon, she'd forgotten it.

Her feelings were still frozen. She doesn't know what's happening to her when Malfoy happens to be near her. Is still confused. She's a bloody kid. She doesn't want to marry anybody now.

"Leevy? Everything alright?" asked Narcissa grabbing her cup of tea.

She wetted her lips with her tongue and simulated her best smile.

"Yes," she answered. "But you're going to forgive me for the afternoon, I'm not feeling so well," her hands folded the letter quickly and took the envelope. "See you for dinner, if you excuse me."

She doesn't bother in wait response, is already walking towards some place she would be alone with her thoughts.

The hidden swings seem to be a good idea. So she sits there trying not to cry because being a woman is difficult.

If she was a man she wouldn't have to marry anyone just because age doesn't wait. She just wants to have fun. Laugh with her blond until the twilight while talking about everything and nothing.

She doesn't want to have an heir responsibility. Knows she's the last one in line and certainly she's to continue the offspring.

She didn't even want children.

But it's her obligation. Be _perfect_.

The tears make her growl and gasp when the void in her chest grows bigger and bigger.

Why she couldn't have a single enjoyable moment in her life? Why she couldn't have a normal life? No obligations, no weddings, no rumours, no honour she must not ruin. No feelings.

Her face falls on her hands and while her toes can barely brush the grass. Doesn't care about leaving two red marks on her thighs with her elbows.

And she cries silently for the rest of the evening. Shoulders going up and down and ragged breathing and sobs accompanying her.

She feels pathetic.

Perhaps she is.

After all, she's just a pretty face to show in galas. A decoration who smiles and has to guard decorum. A doll.

Hours later she's just staring at the full Moon that night offers her. The stars shining. Summer nights' breeze is one of her favourites. It has its charm.

When a coat is placed over her shoulders she sighs. Her time alone is over. Curiously she was waiting for it. Hoping.

"You want me to leave?" she denied with her head leaned over the swing' rope.

He sighs and sits on it with the difference one leg is by each side, back leaned over the rope and eyes towards the moon.

"Did you know there's a hypothesis that suggests a Mars-sized body called Theia, impacted the proto-Earth, creating a large debris ring around it, which then accreted to form the Moon?" she said. "The collision resulted in the 23.5° tilted axis of the Earth, thus causing the seasons."

"There's another that says the Moon was captured by the Earth, at least it was a theory until 1980," he sighs again. "It said there might have been a large atmosphere around the primitive Earth, which would slow the movement of the Moon by aerobraking before it could escape."

"That hypothesis could explain the irregular satellite orbits of Jupiter and Saturn."

"Exactly," he said. "One flaw though is understanding the capture mechanism," he adds. "A close encounter of two planetary bodies typically results in either collision or altered trajectories."

"That's why it was only used until the 1980s."

"Yep," his hand extended a fag that she grabbed to lit it with her wand. "The one you said is the most recent one."

She nodded taking a long drag to retain the air in her lungs to then hand him the fag.

"What if the Moon was once a planet and it dried?" he frowned at her question. "I mean, what if once all the planets were visible from one another? Like, you're in Saturn and you look up to meet Neptune, Uranus and Jupiter. Or in Mars and you see Venus and Mercury. Maybe there was more."

"As if all were a group?"

She nodded. "And perhaps one of them exploded and the rest just..." her hands expanded. "...Got separated and formed a new order."

"What if the Moon was the one which exploded?"

"That's a good option," she agrees. "Maybe its core got heated, consuming all the life there from the inside, consuming the water... Leaving all so warmed that it didn't resist and exploded. Then, as the first theory says, created a debris ring and then the Moon."

"Someone's fond of Astronomy I see," he chuckled pulling out the fag from his mouth.

She smiled. "Not as much as you are," a sigh left her lips. "I love stars, they are always shining, don't have to worry about anything."

The reflect of the sky glims in her eyes when he turns to look at her.

"When they're together they form mesmerising constellations, like bonds, promises," she continues. "I love when a supernova explodes, they jettison matter into space at some 9,000 to 25,000 miles per second," and she's enamoured by the sky. "These blasts produce much of the material in the universe —including iron, which makes up our planet and even ourselves. We practically depend on them."

And he wonders what was in that letter.

"The colours, though," she smiles. "That's the mesmerising part, a sea of paint over its sisters as if saying 'that's my blood, I'm free'," her eyes lost up there. "I've always fantasied about being in front of an exploding supernova, feeling the heat in my face and becoming nothing in front of such beautifulness."

"We must try it sometime," and she chuckles before turning her head to look at him."

"We would die."

He shrugs. "Two persons less, two persons more, shouldn't be big deal," and she laughs before shaking her head and taking her gaze back to the sky.

They keep quiet for a moment. She admiring the dark page above her and he contemplating her. Imagining the heat of freedom exploding in front of her, painting her with colours.

"What if we form a constellation?"

"What?"

"You're a star, I'm a star."

"How modest of you, Malfoy," she smiles before turning to look at him. "We're both stars then."

"Yeah, pretty much," he nods. "So, what d'you say? Shall we form a constellation?"

"We need more stars for a constellation."

"Vaughan."

She laughs again and nods. "Fine, let's form a constellation."

_Mother,_

_Draco and I weren't a thing._

_Let father know he shouldn't do scandal, I won't stain my 'reputation'. And, yes, I remember very vividly what he said to me the last time we spoke directly and not through a house-elf._

_And as for the thing you ask me, no worries, I'm keeping my private life as much discreet as I can. Don't lose your nerve too. Sure magazines don't want to write how you faint._

_I am to expect not hearing from you both until another important thing is to be faced._

_Hope you're doing_ lovely _._

_Your daughter._

༄

"Farewell, Lucius," the girl said smiling before standing on tiptoes to kiss the man on his cheek. "Goodbye, Cissy!" the woman hugged the girl before kissing her forehead.

"Take care of Leevy, Draco," his father told him with a half-smile, which made Draco smile. That had been one of the few times Lucius really smiled at him, with proud or happiness.

"Always," he said looking at her before passing an arm around her shoulder not without first saying goodbye to his mother, leaving a kiss on the woman's forehead as he always did.

"My father loves you more than he loves me," Draco sighed. "He's been calling you Leevy and smiling at you since he met you."

He would never admit it to her, but he was still a bit jealous of the relationship she had with his parents and how they took care of her.

"Don't say that," she said with a half-smile. "They've always called me that," she reminded him. "And he loves you more than you think... _Dracy_ ," she laughed making him roll his eyes in amusement.

"I hate Jordan for giving you that idea," he laughed while both were on their way to station 9 and 3/4 after using the port-key Narcissa had given to them. Leevanna dedicated a smile to him knowing that they weren't going to talk about his father anymore.

And she wouldn't judge him — she would never be capable of doing that. She knew many of the reasons they would not talk about it anymore. Because she has also reasons why she doesn't talk about her parents either, even if they had spent some time together — figuratively talking.

But, the last week they had spent in Malfoy Manor, Lucius talked to her as they walked through the beautiful garden the house had, and she was grateful for all the things he'd told her — because she could understand his point of view of the things too. And it was maybe the same or even more complex doing it. She'd spent hours with Draco as she comprehended all his thoughts and with Lucius had been the same, just that she did it alone.

Though he wasn't going to tell Draco — because it wasn't her duty, but she would give him small clues.

Why? Because, one day, when Lucius wasn't home and Draco was occupied on something, Narcissa and Leevanna had watched a lot of Muggle VHS videos the woman had of her family after Draco was born. The green-eyed almost cried because all the things she saw and heard as both women drank tea and eat sweets.

On the other hand, referring to their relationship, the words 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' didn't place them well — or that's what they had said. They didn't want to call themselves that, they didn't like cheesy labels or sweet nothings. It was enough for them to say 'yours, mine'. Tough they still said they were boyfriend and girlfriend just to let know the others — because, well, _socialite_.

Their courting ways were the most strange ones. From duelling, fighting over biscuits and desserts to just stay in silent while watching the sky. Sometimes they held hands — if it could be called that way because it wasn't more than tangled pinkies and caresses with their thumbs while they read. Not quite affectionate but it was something. He still buys her a lot of things and she still brushes while painting as he observes her attentively.

Both had opened more about the things they felt — though not with each other —, some of the _traumas_ they had.

Draco had not asked about what had happened behind the stands before holidays.

But when she, _herself_ , told him about why she reacted the way she did when someone touched her, he understood better but didn't tell her what he had seen. That would be a secret he would take to his grave.

Leevanna had also told Draco about why Narcissa worried so much about her, why she wrote to her monthly and why sometimes in previous years she had come to Hogwarts to take the girl with her. Narcissa took her to a psychiatrist. Leevanna has seen a Psycho Healer for two years now. Draco was finally able to understand that he wasn't being left aside by his parents, they were just trying to help someone else because they could. But that didn't mean that it still bothers him a little.

Though, they still had secrets with the other and still keep things to themselves that they didn't plan to tell or share with each other, at least not at that moment.

Directing to the way they felt towards the other, they just looked at each other when the other wasn't looking. Observing their behaviours, wondering if it was okay to want to destroy oneself to please their companion — they star.

Leevanna couldn't stop looking at the necklace around her neck. Perhaps it was her eyes, but the little star pendant seemed to shine more every day. And she sometimes wonders if the ring next to her Slytherin one could really mean something.

She hasn't told him what her mum's letter said. The obligation she has. Doesn't want to scare him or something. His parents weren't forcing them to anything, and, because he's a man, he doesn't have that obligation. If he doesn't want to marry any day soon he doesn't have to.

But she? _'Age doesn't wait.' 'Witches mustn't be alone.' '_ Second _season.'_

She's so scared. Deep inside her, she hopes he leaves her. Hopes he gets bored of her in some point and the decision of marriage would be easier. She wouldn't have to trap him, he could be free.

Draco, for his part, cannot spend a single second without his eyes over her and the ring with a sun she'd given him. And curiously also wonders is maybe someday it would mean something.

He knows — somehow — that she's constantly biting her lip and playing with her nails because she's nervous or preoccupied about something. That something is her mother's letter. He'd glimpsed it accidentally and the first worlds he caught were 'Skeeter' 'behaviour' 'father' 'marry'.

And oh, he _knows._

And maybe he wants to make it mean something.

Everything feels so good.

It felt too right and comfortable — so right and comfortable that it was too dangerous and scary. Something about that year just did not felt right — it felt like the unquiet calm before the big storm.

One thing that it hasn't change is that they still want to destroy the other, they want to drive each other mental until one of them breaks first. They were still dangerous for each other, dangerous in general being honest.

"There's Potter," Leevanna whispered to Draco in his ear and he grinned maliciously when they left the Hogwarts' Express.

They definitely continued to enjoy and share the same hobbies and the things Lucius Malfoy had said to them a few weeks ago made them grin teasingly.

"I'm surprised the Ministry's still letting you walk around free, Potter," began to say the blond in the direction of Harry to provoke him placing his arm around Leevanna's shoulders unconsciously. "Better enjoy it while you can. I expect there's a cell in Azkaban with your name on it."

"What's up, Potter? Did the rat of Weasel-Bee eat your tongue?" The girl said when she saw that the guy with glasses didn't respond and laughed loudly when she saw him being held by the redhead on his side once he tried to approach them. "Ow, The Golden boy is angry?" she added with a fake pity tone and a pout before she laughed maliciously.

"Just stay away from me!" Harry yelled.

"What did I tell you? Complete nutter," Draco said making Leevanna laugh before she winked an eye to Hermione Granger and waved at her with a smirk to then continue her path next to the blond.

A few minutes later after they arrive at the Hogwarts' castle, they were receiving the list of Head Boys and Head Girls of Slytherin for that year.

Draco and Leevanna were the selected ones next to a few others.

"What's wrong, Parkinson?" She said seeing how Pansy scowled at her, she had not been part of those few. "Jealous?" The girl rolled her eyes crossing her arms and started walking towards the exit.

Yeah, they had a strange friendship.

"You have the height of a goblin, but you're scarier than a Dementor," Draco laughed starting to walk next to her towards The Great Hall — not holding hands or with an arm around her, just walking next to the other.

When they arrived at their destination, the noise in the dining room was incredible.

Leevanna smiled in the direction of Hermione Granger from her seat taking a piece of meat to her mouth, the hazelnut-haired one returned her smile and downed her gaze before taking food to her mouth.

"Since when you and Granger smile to each other?" Draco asked raising an eyebrow with curiosity as he took the glass of water to his mouth to drink it.

"Is none of your business, Malfoy," she responded looking at him before rolling her eyes. "Or are you insinuating something?"

"And what am I ' _insinuating_ ' according to you?" His fingers made quotation marks in the air. She chuckled.

"Don't know," she shrugged. "You tell me," and she took her glass of pineapple juice to her mouth looking playfully at him with raised eyebrows.

Both narrowed their eyes at each other before they looked away and took a piece of, for his side a piece of meat and for her asparagus, to their mouths.

" _Honey_ ," he whispered in her ear. Her hair covering everything, "I'm the one who leaves you those purple marks," the tip of his tongue darting out to trace her ear lobe, "I'm the one who fucks you," then sliding up the arch of her cartilage, "so..." and he suckles her earlobe, "unless you've decided to change sides..." His breath against the skin of her jawline. "I'm not insinuating anything," and he left a kiss on her neck. "Because _you are mine_."

And now she's completely blushed and holding her breath as the glass still remains in her hand half-way towards her mouth.

"What's wrong with her?" Asked Lhu arriving at her seat in front of them frowning confused seeing the blond chuckle before taking a piece of his food to his mouth.

"Lhu," said Leevanna leaving her glass on the table catching her best friend's attention. "Did you know that Malfoy has a teddy bear on his bed and he needs it to sleep? Its name is Mr Cuddles."

Draco choked on his drink and spilt it.

Lhu burst into laughter and held her belly as she tried to breathe. "Please— Please tell me it's true! I want a picture!" She cover her face with her hand still laughing.

"It is not true!" Draco protested as Leevanna laughed. "Tell her it's not true!"

" _Honey_ ," she said supporting her arms on his shoulder and raising her eyebrows. They loved to use cheesy names to bother the other. "It is."

"It's— I had it when I was five, fine?!" He clarified. "I don't use it anymore!"

"Yeah," the black-and-white-haired nodded playfully. "I know, honey, I know," and her lips left a kiss on his cheek as he drank his pumpkin juice glancing her with narrowed eyes.

"You're a bitch, y'know?"

"And you're a prat."

"You're a Gryndilow."

"You're a ferret."

"You're a star-nosed mole."

"You're a git."

"Silly bint."

"Stupid idjit."

"Whore."

"Arsehole."

"Thick bitch."

"Tosser."

"Daft cow."

"Wanker."

"Scrubber."

"Lazy sod."

"Slag."

"Bell end."

"Cunt."

"Twat."

And both clink their goblets finalising with their dictionary of insults.

"You two are really something else," laughed Lhu with her chin resting on both of her hands. Both shrugged.

A few minutes later, most remained silent when they saw Dumbledore get up from his seat and walk towards the podium to give his usual and long speech.

"We also wish to welcome our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher... Professor Dolores Umbridge," the woman dressed in pink chuckled. "And I'm sure you'll all join me in wishing the professor good luck. Now, as usual, our caretaker, Mr Filch, has asked me to remind you—..." the man stopped his speech by listening to the woman clearing her throat while he stopped talking.

"Thank you, headmaster... For those _kind_ words of welcome," she said, starting to walk towards the podium.

"Dress up all _pink_ , I hate her already," Leevanna murmured making Lhu, who was in front of her, laugh.

"And how lovely to see all your bright... _happy_ faces smiling up at me," she continued smiling, although no one was doing it. "I'm sure we're all going to be very good friends."

Leevanna made a grimace of disgust.

"Let us preserve what must be preserved... Perfect what can be perfected... And prune practises that ought to be prohibited."

" _Perfect_ , just what was missing," Leevanna buffeted leaving her spoon aside roughly when Dumbledore started talking again. " _And prune practices that ought to be prohibited_ ," she said between teeth mimicking the woman's voice exaggerating. "What? I'm not going to be able to skip classes to have sex anymore? Little fucking cunts," she huffed.

"What does that mean?" Lhu asked crossing her arms on the table referring to the first thing she had said.

"We're under the ministry's gaze," Draco replied before pointing the spoon to the green-eyed one. "Eat."

"Make me," she teased him looking at him with a raised eyebrow and crossing her arms.

"Are you being a bad girl?" He murmured in her ear causing her goosebumps.

"Maybe..." she answered him in the same way.

"All right then," he replied smirking and letting pass a few seconds before slowly sliding a hand inside her thighs unnoticed. Leevanna choked with her pineapple juice.

"What happened?" Lhu asked by frowning and leaving her glass to the side when she saw her friend choking as she tried to breathe.

Draco chuckled softly.

"Nothing, nothing," Leevanna said cleaning her lips with the napkin to remove the liquid.

She tightened her thighs in a attempt to stop him, but his fingers slipped around into the middle of her thighs, and she felt them flexing to push her legs apart. She bit back the smallest of moans that had started at the back of her throat feeling his index finger rubbing her clit linearly over the fabric of her underwear. She knew he was also taking revenge for the thing she had said before the headmaster's speech.

He covered his mouth with his fist and smirked devilishly before grabbing his fork and taking a piece of meat to his mouth calmly as if nothing was happening beneath the table. Leevanna supported an elbow on the table and her forehead on her fist at the same time that she closed her eyes and bit her lower lip avoiding letting go of a groan.

Her breathing shuddered.

Only noticeable by him and her.

He started to rub above the fabric a bit faster, still in a linear way.

She leaned forward at such action and prayed to all the gods to not be discovered by anyone. She glanced at him and he raised an eyebrow innocently pretending not knowing anything.

 _Son of a bitch..._ the voice inside her head said as the girl narrowed her eyes at him.

She glanced the professors' table and then her gaze divagated among the house tables seeing the students laugh.

He always teased her in the most inappropriate places and times. That sneaky bastard.

His finger going even faster.

"You guys are going to go to the knees up?" Asked Lhu taking Leevanna out of her thoughts.

The green-eyed let out a soft, barely audible gasp when his fingers stopped.

"What knees up?" asked Draco calmly.

"The one in The Room of Requirement," answered Lhu before taking a piece of her food to her mouth. "S'going to be only Slytherins, obviously, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws."

"The twins aren't going?" Asked Draco frowning softly.

His hand still without movement.

"From Gryffindor just them and Lee, maybe Ginny, the other ones aren't," she admitted. "We don't want to deal with their prefects anymore."

Draco snickered agreeing with her.

"My sunshines!" Said Theo arriving at Lhu's side and passing an arm through her shoulders attracting her closer.

Draco pressed the girls clit with his finger making her close her eyes.

"Are you going to the knees up?" Asked Theodore leaving a kiss on Lhu's cheek.

"Yep," she replied chuckling as Pansy arrived huffing. "You Pansy?"

"The knees up?" Lhu and Theo nodded. "Of course I'm going. The noble house of Slytherin always has the best ones, our knees up are superior."

Leevanna passed her gaze among all her friends in front of her. How they could not realise?

"You Leev?" Asked Pansy.

"Yeah—" she breathed feeling his finger make more pressure. "I'm going," she responded frantically.

"And you blondie?" Asked Theo nodding at him. "You in?"

Quickly and suddenly, Draco entered his hand under Leevanna's lace panties and sank his middle finger inside her wet entrance.

"My witch is going, Nott," he responded. "Of course _I am in_."

Leevanna glanced at him and sucked her breath and bit her lower lip, trying not to pant and wanting to scream internally praying for her body not to betray her and release a sound.

The double-meaning comments were one of the games they'd discovered they liked.

She introduced a bit of the lemon tartlet on her plate into her mouth chewing it slowly trying to compose herself. She held her breath again and her heartbeat thrummed in her ears as Draco thrusted his finger in and out of her, slowly and lustfully as his thumb addressed her clit to rub it in a circular motion.

She swallowed the piece of tartlet inside her mouth and supported both elbows on the table tangling her hands before taking her fork again and pinching the lemon tartlet to take it to her mouth. His thrusts' pace increased at the same time he speeded up the movements on her clit making her press her lips on the fork without pulling it out of her mouth.

Draco entered his ring finger into her, pumping faster and stopping rubbing her clit.

She took off the fork of her mouth slowly and chewed the tartlet in the same way. She bit her lower lip hard again avoiding moan and repeating herself internally that she has to stay still and don't make any noise.

She breathed feeling currents travel all her body as her tight walls wrap around his fingers. Tightening them so hard due to the built orgasm she was about to have.

"Fuck," she whispered as lowly as she could against her hands.

She winced a little when his fingers left her.

"You cum when _I_ told you to," he said in her ear making her shudder and hasp lowly in complain. The itching between her thighs increased until it was at the highest point leaving her on the edge.

He sucked his fingers as she glanced him playfully.

"Why did you just suck your fingers?" Asked Pansy taking a piece of her pumpkin tartlet to her mouth.

"Oh, I accidentally wet them with whipped cream," the blond answered normally. "You know, so sweet and tasty, couldn't just use the napkin."

Leevanna's smile widened, preventing her laugh to escape her throat.

Draco turned his head to her and looked at her with an innocent closed-mouth smile before he took a piece of the lemon tartlet to his mouth.

He raised his eyebrows at her and she imitated his action teasingly.

༄

On the first day of classes, the 2nd of September, Leevanna tickled Draco's neck, who was sprawled over his desk half-sleep as he squirms on it for her to stop.

" _I_ should be the one who's sleeping, you know?" she whispered in his ear making him chuckle genuinely. She was right though, after all, the things they had done under sheets had been more for her than for him.

A paper bird made by one of the Patil sisters fluttered over Leevanna a few seconds before she pushed it in the direction of others smiling. The minutes they had without the teachers were usually like that... Until Dolores bloody Umbrigde arrived and finished the fun burning the paper.

"Good morning, children," she said, starting to walk. "Ordinary Wizarding Level examinations. O-W-Ls," she continued pointing her wand to the board. "More commonly known as O.W.L.s," she rolled her eyes, her squeaky voice caused her headache.

And as the insufferable woman kept talking, Leevanna wondered if Luna Lovegood could take her to see the Thestrals again — she only went to The Forbidden Forest if it was with her or with Hagrid, after all, they were the ones who knew the place best. She's been able to see the creatures since the first time she arrived at Hogwarts, but she had never told anyone until she met Luna again in her second year at the school, when the blue-eyed one was in her first year.

She returned to reality when she felt Draco's hand place in her thigh, as he always did since last year, when they started being together after The Yule Ball — well — two weeks after that.

"And how's theory supposed to prepare us for what's out there?" Harry Potter said.

Leevanna looked at Draco with a soft frown, she had lost the conversation subject. He pointed the book on her desk with his gaze and she understood.

"There's nothing out there, dear," said the woman smiling. "Who do you imagine wants to attack children like yourself?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe _Lord Voldemort_ ," the green and blue-eyed ones froze in their sits, the rest of the students remained in silence.

His name made Leevanna wince, it had been barely visible, only Draco, who was with his eyes closed, noticed it. He glanced her and started doing small spirals on her thigh's skin for her to come back to reality, which she did.

"Now, let me make this quite plain," the professor said forcing a smile. "You have been told... That a certain dark wizard is at large once again... This is a _lie_."

Leevanna and Draco knew it wasn't a lie. But they couldn't say anything, could they?

"It's not a lie! I saw him! I fought him!"

"Detention, Mr Potter!"

"Cedric Diggory dropped dead of his own accord?" Leevanna's heart stopped for a second when she heard Cedric's name as she remembered her last memory with the Hufflepuff guy.

_He lifted her in the air making her laugh. "Thank you for being the best friend," he said looking at her with a smile._

"Enough!" shouted Umbridge bringing the green-eyed back to reality. "Enough," she repeated, this time was calmer. "See me later, Mr Potter. My office."

༄

"Umbridge? Sounds more like Um _bitch_ to me," Leevanna said rolling her eyes.

Lee choked with his drink spilling a little off his lips laughing. The twins burst into laughter just like Lhu while Draco covered his face with his hand trying to hide his laughter.

They were in The Room of Requirement, in the early-year party organised by some Head Boys and Girls from Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff which Lhu had talked about when they arrived at the castle. Alcohol rolled through the place and the smell of weed as well — courtesy of George. The neon lights also reflecting everywhere.

"I have a proposal for ya," Fred started by placing an arm on Leevanna's shoulders and sticking their heads as if it were a kind of secret meeting. "The one who dyes her hair green first puts a challenge on the loser. But Umbitch doesn't have to realise for a minimum of a day."

"Deal," Leevanna replied before crashing their drinks and tangling their arms to drink the liquor of their glasses. "Luna!" exclaimed the girl laughing and going to hug the girl.

"Leev," she sweetly greeted her putting a hair behind her friend's ear.

"Come, come, the twins and I are making bets," she told her still laughing for the effects of the weed in her. The blue-eyed girl accepted and joined them laughing before grabbing a cigarette.

"Leev, you want one?" Asked Luna before lighting her own cigarette.

"Oh, no, no," said George preventing the green-eyed to took one. "You and Muggle-weed had a bad backstory," she rolled her eyes.

"Bad backstory?" Frowned Draco in the girl's direction and she shrugged. "Vaughan, _what_ backstory?" And his voice had that tone of warning she knew she couldn't escape.

"She spent three consecutive days in a drug-side effect because she started snorting it," Fred answered for her and she glare him for making her little secret to see the light. "She did that for a month I think."

Draco turned his head and looked down to see her with a raised eyebrow.

"Thanks, mate," Leevanna said sarcastically. "With you as friends, who needs fucking enemies?" And she drank all her liquor's glass in once.

"Aw, Leevy," Luna chuckled leaving a kiss on her cheek. "I would give you one if I could."

"See?! That's a friend, you bloody bastards," she huffed resting her head on the blue-eyed girl shoulder.

"Go, you can have one," chuckled Draco taking her waist to attract her to him. Her eyes sparkled and she took the one Luna was offering her with a smile.

Lee, Fred, George and Lhu started at him with their arms crossed and a look which said: 'Really, mate?'

"What?" He defended himself innocently.

"You're spoiling her," said Lhu as if she was his or her mother with an amusingly smile. Draco shrugged laughing.

Those of the Ravenclaw house had gotten music from somewhere so most of the people were dancing on the improvised dance floor.

Draco lowered his gaze, trying to hid his fun as he saw Leevanna jumping at the rhythm of the music. He crossed his arms over his chest and slid the tip of his tongue across the edge of his upper teeth before he twirled his tongue inside his mouth against his cheek. The tip of his tongue pressing against his fang before he suckled it playfully.

The edges of Leevanna's pale-pink halter neck, chiffon short dress lifting a bit as she continued jumping and enjoying the music next to Pansy, Lhu, Luna and Daphne.

He passed his gaze from her to a group of fourth-year boy's hypnotised with the show the girl was giving. The three boys turned their heads away from her when they realised Draco's dangerous glare.

He was about to take a glass of Fire Whiskey to his mouth when the view of Leevanna sliding her hands up her body from her tiny waist to her hair before she jumped repeatedly again, made his cheeks blush a bit.

The edges of her dress lifting even more in every jump she gave.

He drank all the liquor at once, trying to look away from her thighs.

The neon lights illuminating her body and reflecting like flashes on her face. Her silky white and black curls jumping at the same rhythm she did it. Floating in the air as she laughed and make Pansy give a spin before the raven-haired did the same with her.

He drank another glass of Fire Whiskey and reviewed her body with his eyes.

Leevanna took Draco by the hand while moving her hips, but he refused to follow her. He did not dance — jump, the way she was doing it.

"Enjoy neon life, Malfoy!" she said playfully before leaving a soft but quick kiss on his lips. He flexed his fingers against hers in her hand laughing and letting himself be guided by her while she moved like a worm as she jumped, or so he saw it.

A few hours later, at almost half-past three in the morning, while Fred, Daphne and Lee sang a song as out of tone as they could, George and Lhu had already left the place. Leevanna went up to a table and gave three applause to attract the attention of the others.

The party's soul since third year.

"First of all... Fuck Umbitch!" She said raising her glass as everyone cheered her up. "Second, d'you know why we Slytherins love Hufflepuffs?" They all denied. "Because we're," _hiccup_ "softies inside," and everyone cheered her back. "Third, long live to Ravenclaws for being baddies tonight, thanks to my dear ones," she said bowing. "And finally! Thanks to the approval of the twins, Jordan and Ginny... Who wants to play jokes on the bloody Gryffindors?!" All those present raised their arms repeatedly, acclaiming her.

Draco frowned, Fred and Lee nodded smirking proudly taking a couple of toys out of their pockets.

Of course, they had told her to do that, they always followed her crazy ideas — the last time they had been drunk, they had make snow in Dumbledore's dormitory in the middle of the night and made him look like Santa Claus. ' _Christmas spirit_ ' they had said.

"Draco," Luna called him laughing while Leevanna hugged her from behind and tried to hide. "I have a gift for you... 3... 2... 1..."

"Surprise!" Leevanna went out behind her laughing and going to climb on Draco.

Leevanna was a whole different person when she was drunk. She was beyond funny and goofy, very loving too.

"God, time to sleep," he told her rolling his eyes and listening to her complaining.

"Bye, Luna! Bye Fred! Bye Lee!" she said cheerfully as she was being carried by Malfoy to get her out of there quickly before she continued giving her show of jumps.

She laughed at thinking that Draco was playing with her, but all he tried to do was make her go up the stairs. She kept shushing herself making him giggle softly.

"Leevanna, this isn't the time to play," he said trying to sound serious and already tired.

" _Sh!!_ Ya 're goin' wake up som'one!" she exclaimed before shushing herself again.

Draco laughed and carried her like a princess one more time towards their private room. It would be easier.

"Come on, get change," he told her, leaving her one of his thin sweaters that were huge on her.

"Draco," she called him a little more serious, he turned after taking off his shirt. " _Ooh la la, oui oui_ , are ya goin' to dance for me?" He laughed before putting on a pyjama shirt and denying with his head seeing her fight against her dress to take it out. "Draco," she called it again.

"Hm?" He replied holding his laughter when he saw her with the dress on her head. Then he reviewed her body with his gaze.

_Not tonight._

"Draco," she called him again putting on the sweater and laying on the bed.

"What?" He said laying next to her while seeing her laying on top of him.

"You're mine, mine," she said with her cheek on his chest. "Your father loves you, y'know?" She hugged him, Draco froze. "He," _hiccup_ "told me, that day at the garden. He cares," she continued with her eyes closed. "But he doesn't tell ya 'cause the magic of the rainbow doesn't exist and he couldn't protect you if he didn't do what he does," she finished. "And also, thank you for makin' me your star," she smiled against his chest and a few seconds later she fell asleep.

Draco meditated her words, the children and drunkards always tell the truth, don't they? And she was one of the most honest people he knew. He caressed her hair smelling it. Maybe Leevanna was right...

༄

On the morning of Friday of that week, Leevanna and Lhu sat next to the twins and Lee Jordan for breakfast.

"You definitely don't stop eating," Lhu laughed sitting in one of George's legs while he put a piece of his croissant inside his mouth.

"Today is Quidditch practice, my princess," he told her kissing her cheek making her chuckle.

"God, if I'm going to get that way when I have a girlfriend, I don't want one," Lee whispered to Leevanna making her laugh. "Please tell me that Malfoy has a sister or something. I like the cold ones."

"You break my heart, I thought we were lovers," she said dramatically putting a hand on her forehead before pretending to faint falling into his arms.

"Are you suggesting a threesome?" Leevanna laughed at Lee's question. She raised her eyebrows playfully and taking a strawberry and putting it into her mouth. "Malfoy, your girlfriend proposed a trio to me," Leevanna looked at him with her mouth open, outraged.

"That's not true! Don't believe him!" She replied seeing the blond lift an eyebrow in her direction with a serious face. Before she could say something more to defend herself, everyone's attention focussed on the voices they heard.

"Pardon me, professor, but what exactly are you insinuating?" Umbridge said in the distance, the six went outside to see what was happening as well as the other students.

"I am merely requesting that when it comes to _my_ students... You conform to the prescribed disciplinary practices," replied Professor McGonagall angrily.

"You tell her, Minnie," chuckled Fred lowly, making Leevanna press her lips avoiding to laugh.

"So silly of me, but it sounds... as if you're questioning my authority in my own classroom... _Minerva_ ," no one understood what they were talking about.

"What is Umbitch doing?" Asked Lhu lowly to Fred, who was closer.

"I don't really know," he confessed glancing her. "Lee, what's she doing?"

"I heard a third-year Ravenclaw left her office crying silently," he muttered as low as he could keeping his hands in his pockets. "But I don't know either."

"She's using special quills," said George standing by her side, turning his head to his girlfriend, she frowned confused. "You write with them and the letters appear in your hand's skin or something like that," he sighed scratching the back of his head. "Ron told me she had done it with Harry."

"She is _what_?" Lhu's eyes winded open and George nodded.

"Not at all, _Dolores_ , merely your mediaeval methods."

"Who the fuck Umbridge thinks she is?" Frowned Leevanna crossing her arms over her chest, her voice was barely audible, just for her friends. "Apart from a fucking cunt, clearly."

Draco chuckled lowly.

"I am sorry, dear, but to question my practises is to question the Ministry... and by extension, the minister himself," she said changing her tone of voice. "I am a tolerant woman... but the one thing I will not stand for is disloyalty."

" _Disloyalty_ ," Minerva replied going down a step.

"Things at Hogwarts are far worse than I feared," her eyes travelling through the students in front of her. "Cornelius will want to take immediate action," and as soon as the hateful woman said that, an article in The Daily Prophet was being published.

And with that, all the problems started.

_The destruction._


	15. Tragic

All war starts with a spark.

_Love_.

Love brings war.

Whatever form of love it is. For the love of one's gods, of people, of freedom, love of one's territory, and much more. It could be the minimum thing, but all starts with that.

Love is such a dangerous feeling. It can merge with obsession, jealously,  hate . Infinity of colours we don't even know exist.

The Trojan War, for example.

Menelaus was furious when he discovered his wife had been 'abducted' by Paris — without understanding, she'd actually  _ escaped_. And what happened? He called upon all the cities of Greece to aid him in his plight to rescue his wife.

Some say the man was just doing it for his throne and the thirst for power. Other people agree he was truly in love with Helen, his Queen. However the thing was, all was stimulated by that unreasonable feeling that can become so dangerous in such a short time.

Maybe less than yoghurt.

Leevanna has just tossed him a whole recipient of it out of nowhere.

The worst part is that he's not even very much fond of the mango flavoured one. It's sticky and too sweet.

Bloody beetle.

She slammed the Daily Prophet on the coffee-table in front of him before also hurling him a goblet of juice that was over it not caring of who it was. Theodore and Pansy pursed their lips trying not to laugh. They’d been studying.

"Arrange your schedules!" her voice still loud while walking away.

** TWO WITCHES ONE WAND? **

_ This past weekend we spotted Mr Draco Malfoy shopping at Hogsmeade Village — in a rush of finding a florist while seeking jewellery. _

_ What's the problem, you may ask? _

_ Well, dearests reader, Miss Leevanna Vaughan — who we thought was Mr Malfoy's witch — is allergic to the flowers and candies Mr Malfoy purchased. _

_ Some minutes later after leaving Honeydukes, Mr Malfoy was sighted entering Madam Puddifoot to then meet a brunette witch — who he greeted with a hand-kiss and gave her the flowers he'd recently bought. _

_ One or two hours later, both said their goodbyes with a kiss on the cheek. Just one minute later the witch left, Mr Malfoy was receiving a bag from a worker of a jewellery shop. _

_And who appeared just seconds after?_

_ That's correct, dearest reader. Miss Vaughan made her appearance with a smile across her pretty face before Mr Malfoy left a kiss on her lips and gave her the bag. _

_ As we can see, this dragon seems to be a two-game player. _

_ Would this be mutually accord or is Mr Malfoy playing with fire? _

For more and photos, see page 7 —

— September 9, by  ** Rita Skeeter ** , in  ** The Daily Prophet ** .

**_____________**   
  


Draco growled.

And _photos_. Bloody beetle indeed.

"This bitch," he spits between teeth before flicking his wand to make disappear all the mess his witch had caused. "Vaughan!"

He doesn't waste time to explain it to his friends, he's already chasing her through the hallways. She walks fast and is practically running.

To his advantage, he's a lot taller than her and doesn't take long in being almost behind her.

"Oi, you!" and her hands suddenly grab a Ravenclaw boy's neck who didn't even have the time to process when she kissed him unexpectedly.

It had been so abruptly that now her teeth hurt. But she didn't care.

"What's wrong with you?!" his hand grabs her arm to get her out of the scene and take her somewhere else. The Ravenclaw was still in shock and the people around them were identical.

"If you get to cheat then I get to be a whore!" she yells getting off his grip. For much bitter the word sounds in her mouth, she has still said it. Seems that in some way she has the same foul vocabulary her father has with her and her mum. "And don't touch me!"

And perhaps you don't have to name it  _ love _ , but the feeling of knowing something is yours and then hear it was stolen by somebody you don't even know, must hit hard.

And she reminds herself that she hates him and all. That isn't supposed to care about him and the things he does.

They aren't dating.

They're a  _ constellation_.

_Constellation my Mandrake._

"I'm not deceiving on you, witch!"

If it was true or not, it didn't matter. She was going to stay with him anyway. She didn't have a choice like the rest of the people did

Would she be like her mum? Probably. Though Leevanna is much more than that and certainly has a more bit of respect for herself than her progenitor, she doesn't have a choice.

She has _responsibilities_.

Bloody hell.

But that doesn't change the matter she's _furious_ with him. He's hers. How did he dare to buy things to some other witch?

She isn't going to call her a slag — because slut-shaming is heinous and she knows it — but oh, how madly she wants to do it. Though isn't the witch's fault.

That bloody blond was the only one to blame here.

"Tell that to Skeeter!" and she shoves him off. "Because of brunette, I have as much as you do!"

"Your father sent her!" it's his turn to yell. "Ask  _ him _ why the fuck he did that!" her brows frowned at him. Now she's confused.

Her father? What the hell her father had to do with this?

The man didn't even mind about his only daughter and she was very sure he hated and sickened her with all his inexistent soul. There was just one thing he wanted from Leevanna — a part to kill her or something similar — and that was to shut whatever speculation by marrying her to the highest bidder and maintain their surname's reputation.

Why would he even send —

_ "All witches are the same," he said closing the door. "Specifically you," he filthy finger pointed her. "You don't deserve anything good, you are replaceable as anyone here. You are  _ nothing. _You don't deserve _ anything _." _

_ And then he slapped her. _

That had been years ago. When he found about the little favour Narcissa was doing Leevanna by taking her to a Psycho Healer.

Pretty good way to traumatise a child.

_ "You don't deserve anything good." _

Did he — Did he really believe Malfoy was something good for her?

It had sense though.

Not that Malfoy was any good in her life, but at least she smiled truly. She hadn't even think about her father realising that detail.

Knowing the man, Malfoy was telling her the truth. Her father surely was snickering seated on his leather couch while drinking Dragon Tears. Yanking from her the tiny breeze of happiness she was experimenting while hiding like the pansy weasel he was.

That wazzok bastard, foul piece of sh—

"—and you don't have any right because Jordan's always fucking behind you!"

"What on earth are you saying?!"

"Oh, don't you dare play fool on me!"

Playing fool on him? What the bloody hell was he talking about? Lee was her friend and nothing more than that.

But she's already hysterical.

And in defensive mood — that is, she wants to hurt him the same way he'd done by obeying her father's instructions to snatch her breeze.

"At least I haven't been spotted buying him fucking flowers!"

"So you disclose it?!"

"Don't be preposterous! I'm not deceiving!"

"Well, I'm not either!"

"I don't believe you!"

"Surprise! I don't either!"

When something's ours, we don't want to share it. Because it's _our_ property. _Ours_. Nobody else's to touch or see — even breathe near it.

Our brain generates hallucinations of what could be happening after we see or hear something. Our insides twist and all we can see is a big cloud of anxiety and jealously. A toxic air mass that contains the most destructive and pernicious of cyclones.

And we end up hating everyone and everything else that may become a threat to what is  _ours_.

We want to mark it with blood from our veins and we  _ will _ — if we could. Unfortunately, it may be illegal.

But, for Fuck's sake, does that even matter? We would do whatever to conserve our most precious treasure from scoundrels.

His blue-grey eyes aren't planning to quit observing the picture in front of him. Is bloody frustrating seeing it.

And he can't do bloody anything without pissing his witch off. They'd succeeded in being civilised persons for several hours now. He doesn't want to ruin that. He's promised her he will take her out tonight.

But he can't help and narrow his eyes at them.

His hands are holding the book over his lap so tight that he thinks his fingers will break. His knuckles are withe as snow and all his muscles are tense. Burning blood is running throughout his body. He can feel his jaw clenching even more.

She's giggling.

Fucking _giggling_.

What the bloody hell is so fucking funny for her to bloody _giggle_?

Perhaps Azkaban isn't so awful.

Killing someone in the most painful way because they are too close, shouldn't be a crime.

It is his property. His treasure.

Why is he bloody touching his property with those fucking filthy fingers of his?! Why is he smiling at his bloody property?!

Perhaps the book is already torn apart.

His eyes narrow more if possible and he can feel the current of the monster climbing his spine to start whispering things to him.

_She's laughing with someone that isn't you. Perhaps they are laughing about_ you _._

She giggles again before the red sugar quill enters her mouth that has still a smile.

_They're laughing about how foolish you look thinking she would want you._

Her lips are so red. They look so soft and plump — more than they already were. Perfect to kiss them right now and bite them.

_Surely she doesn't even like kissing you. She doesn't even like you._

And he's looking at her lips. His irises go up and down every now and then while she talks and smiles distracted from his intentions.

She blinks several times when the wind moves her hair. He knows an eyelash is bothering her when she rubs her eye and blinks another two times now seeing correctly.

He mutters something to her. About having the eyelash on her face. Pointing it.

Her eyes looked down in an attempt to search from it but can't see anything.

_How would want a selfish, hypocrite, vile and ungrateful beast like you? Because she has called you that, hasn't she?_

She says something he can't hear and he answers.

And his hand is raising.

_You're just a piece of shite that has no significance in this fucked up world. Scum who doesn't deserve anything. A pathetic, little cockroach who's a fucking bastard and just like his fucking fa—_

"Bloody hell, mate," says Fred after giving a jump from the fright. "You alright?"

Fire.

A burned path with now faint flames that started near him and crossed between two people has attracted the attention of everyone in their little group.

"Yeah," he murmurs seeing his witch close her book while looking at him. He turns to look at Fred. "I was trying some wandless magic, went wrong."

His view quickly drifts to Lhu's eyes, who seems to be thinking the same as him.

Because she has seen the same.

She gives him a faint nod barely visible that makes him expel air from his nose while closing his eyes to then opening them and see her mouthing 'Haven't confirmed'.

Perhaps Potter wasn't the only one with a cell in Azkaban with his name on it.

His head turns when somebody sits by his side.

_His_ witch.

"You haven't talked to me," she says pouting making him exhale by his nose smiling.

"My apologies, ma'am," he said closing his book.

She raised an eyebrow. "No pretty princess or jolie mademoiselle?"

"Sorry, love, I'm not my father," he chuckled placing a hand on her cheek to leave a kiss on his forehead.

"Arse," she smiled leaning her head on his lap to continue her reading.

His arm placed above her waist to circle it while his gaze slowly shifted from his gorgeous witch to the person he wanted to peel off his skin with bloody tweezers.

The pansy's eyes were on his witch, what made Draco surround her even more possessively as his eyes pierced his face.

When the bloody bastard looked up to meet the blond's eyes, he hold it for a second before turning to look at Fred's twin.

"Mate, gonna need your help with something," said Draco making Fred smile mischievously.

"Of course, mate."

And maybe he cannot interrupt his witch's tranquility _today_ , but _tomorrow_ he definitely is.

Feeling that twist in our intestines — feeling the monster crawling up to our spine with its tentacles and teeth, how it tears apart your nerves until its mouth reaches your brain to start whispering — becomes the most dangerous of the colours. We don't trust our property.

And we explode over and over again.

So when his eyes catch him holding her books for her before leaving her at the classroom's entrance, he narrows his eyes from his seat trying to hold it back until the class finishes.

"He's behind you like a bloody puppy!"

"He's fucking _not_!"

"He's so fucking close to you that not even a fucking hair's fibre can fucking fit!"

And she wonders what on earth has happened for him to believe such ludicrous thing. She didn't see Lee as anything else but a bloody friend and this blond was making assumptions left and right as if blinks it was.

What has _she_ even done for him to believe that?

"And you what?!" her throat is sore and feels as if the words tear it apart. They had been yelling for an hour and a half. "Witches form a fucking queue to ask you potions' ingredients!"

"I don't talk to them!"

"Oh, of course you don't! You buy them hydrangeas and Pixie Puffs!"

"Oh, please! I thought we were over it!"

And, oh, he's bloody naïve.

Leevanna Vaughan is _never_ over something. He should be aware of that.

"Well we aren't!" with her rosy-rage face and hands in pockets, she starts walking away from him. "And Lee isn't behind me like a fucking puppy!"

We get mad because it's  _ ours_.

And someone else is trying to steal it. To yank it out from us. To make it abandon us.

Draco slams the door before calling her surname again. Wants to keep fighting.

She wants it too, fortunately.

So they continue doing it for _ weeks. _In class, at breaks, with words, without them, with looks, actions, maybe an indirect.

"I still don't believe that," Daphne says reading her book again. "Because of the... _revolver_? — That thing's size, it's not possible— I mean— A ballet...  _ Bullet _ wound under the ribcage?" she frowned. "If those things kill, I'd direct it to my head," her eyes upped to look at her friend. "Sure it wasn't homicide?"

"It was suicide," she huffs. "It was checked by Theo, his brother, and he said  'I wounded myself', plus he was mentally ill."

"It just doesn't make—"

"The man was exhausted from working hard and the high criteria he set for himself, Daphne," she bit out. "And maybe his life was miserable and — and disastrous and his parents were rubbish who cared about more a  reputation than their own son and his wizard was cheating with some brunette his  own father sent and — and that wizard didn't trust him and was a complete prat who purchases flowers and Pixie Puffs to another witch knowing his own's allergic! And if he was going to cheat perhaps he could've had the brain to buy flowers he wasn't allergic to, to cover his lie! But oh, the wizard's an ignoramus who thinks he's got a puppy and cannot differentiate the word friend from inamorato because he doesn't distinguish plants either!"

And when all the people in the library shushed her, she sighed. Tries to stead herself.

Daphne frowned and lifted her gaze once again from the page at the blond next to her.

"Are you— you  _ dared _ to cheat—"

He, ignoring Daphne, turned to look at the one who was his witch. "How many fucking times do I need to fucking tell you I'm not—"

"Was I speaking with you,  _ Malfoy_?" when there's no response she continues, "That's what I thought."

"Stop being childish,  _ Vaughan_," he huffs. She breathes out a bitter laugh.

" _Me?_ Are  _ you _ telling  _ me _ that?" she laughs again. "You're the one who causes drama out of nowhere just because someone breathes."

"Then tell your fucking puppy to not breathe."

Eyes narrowed and muscles tense. Another battle none of them are willing to lose even if it's stupid.

"You two can take your foul language and continue your  _ duelling  _ outside," both turn their heads to Madam Pince, who's standing idly and talking lowly.

Both grab their things murmuring whose fault it's while they walk away. Only to start fighting again outside the library leaving an outraged Daphne with the girls' incomplete project.

The days pass, eyes keep being narrowed and yells resonate throughout the walls of a castle. Like it has been always since both met each other.

But it doesn't feel like a war.

War tastes bitter. It drives you mad. Plays with your mind while you get wounded. Peels off your skin pore by pore while screams tear apart your throat.

This feels like battles. Little ones. Just to see how many of them the other can win.

But battles doesn't matter, what matters it's who gets to broke first. That's the real war. When both broke each other most fatally.

"You want me to leave?! Go on! Keep saying all those things and I'm leaving!"

"Go on then! Fucking lave! I hate you!"

"Good news! I hate you, too!"

"Then you hate yourself because IF YOU HAVEN'T FUCKING NOTICED, we're literally the same person!"

Explosion followed explosion.

As if someone was constantly pushing a grenade' button to make it explode at the minimum brush.

"You think I cannot live without you?!"

She slid her hand up to his thigh until she reached the middle, where she pressed.

"Don't even five minutes," she said in his ear before he pinned her against the wall.

Just to explode one more time.

"Oh, don't come to me with your fake-crying!" he yells making her laugh bitterly.

"You're. A. Fucking. _Prat_!" she screams before wiping away her falling tear. "You know _who_ caused this?!" she shoves him off with the tear's hand. " _ You! _ "

"And me what?!" he yells again pushing her too. "You're always attacking me if I was some kind of monster! I'm not cheating on you! I wouldn't dare!"

"Maybe you are!" she yells. "Maybe you're the monster!"

"Don't start—"

"Have you forgotten last year?!" and she doesn't care to get hurt if he does first. Because, oh, he  _ is _ hurt. Doesn't like that memory. "What  _ you _ did to me?! The way  _ you _ attacked me?!"

"So we're going to talk about physical damage then!" he yells. "Have you forgotten the ice floes?! Slaps that make someone bleed?! Hexes?! You aren't a saint either!"

"Then we both are monsters!"

In recent weeks, Leevanna and Draco haven't quit fighting for a single moment.

He watches her more frequently — all the time. But when she meets his gaze, he quickly looks away because he isn't supposed to be watching her.

Both of them have become a little colder, but that isn't a problem, they're like that. They like it that way. Cold.

Possessiveness is never too much and they seem to have a master's degree in screaming at each other for simply just breathing near other people.

In summer, things had been easier — because no one was around them.

Either of the two could start a fight out of nowhere, things usually got heated in seconds if not less and for the simplest things. Articles in the Daily Prophet and people wanting to take part in their relationship didn't help, just made things even worse.

He yells. She yells.

They never hold back something and lose their nerves at the minimum gaze.

When sometimes she was the one who started the hustle and bustle, he usually told her to stop — because they'd just fought hours ago or perhaps he just wanted to be near her without screaming — but she didn't quit until he responded.

They were slaves of their emotions — the rage and jealousy.

Slaves of a heartless kind of love.

It feels like heaven when they get to be calm, but then yet they don't get to enter.

There're days when they get to be without yelling. They read and can handle having civilised conversations without throwing indirects.

That didn't last longer though. Maybe some

hours or a day. Then it was all fighting.

Sometimes he ended up shouting at her until he made her cry or vice-versa. They have even started to throw and break things, but they would never physically hurt the other, only emotionally.

They wanted to hurt and destroy the other. They really meant to do it. Whatever it took, they wanted to leave a deep wound on the other until they begged for mercy.

After the shouting, crying, deep or sharp noises of things being break and tears that feel like blood being let fall, came the unquiet calm. The minutes of heavily pants and the ghost of the cries. The feeling of being over the edge of death as they tried to put in order every piece of their beings. Repentance and guilt. The incessant apologies and hours in silent.

They're committed to a love that perhaps it isn't. A feeling that kills them inside.

And maybe they need to kill it —  _the feeling._

They didn't know how to control that fact of their relationship but they thought every couple dealt with it... Maybe not in that way but every couple fight, right?

Every guy told their girlfriends that they were theirs, right? Every boy had anger issues, don't they?

And every girl told their boyfriends that they must  not breathe near another girl because she has trust and abandonment issues, right?

They didn't know anything about relationships and they were learning with the other.

But... Was it okay be like  _ that_?

Everything was —  felt too dangerous. They were walking on eggshells.

 _ Fragile_ .

It was that feeling of knowing that every single thing's wrong but the climate seems to say otherwise. Like when you wake up one morning with a bizarre sensation of ache and emptiness, causing your head to hurt leaving a sour effect in your body, but when you see the luminous sunlight, it numbs your brain and replenishes you with a cruel façade of hope and the fake perception everything's right. Until the sun comes down, detonating a bomb in less than a second, making fun of you for thinking everything was in its place.

In the days that they didn't communicate at all, Leevanna spent time with the twins, Lee, Lhu and Luna, but her mood decreased notoriously and Draco's too.

The emotional dependence that both had was simply incredible. They'd been 'together' for such a short time, why they were so fucking dependant?

The fact both had to spend time together as Prefects was stressing all the situation. The rounds in the middle of the night were awkwardly silent if they'd fought the day or hours before. They'd walk in silent, only their steps being heard. Unspoken words and held breaths.

None had accepted the dorms the school provided as Prefects. One because Draco had already a private room and two because the idea of sharing things when they didn't want to sounded awful. If they fought, the other would search for the other in their dorms and voilà.

"Oi, Leev," Fred whispered to the girl before throwing a note at her. They were studying in The Great Hall.

_ 'What with the red eyes?' _

"We fought," she replied whispering hiding the note in her notebook. George frowned and raised his head in a sign of question. Leevanna took the note out to start writing and felt Draco's gaze on her. He was sitting next to Blaise and Theodore several seats away.

_ 'Jealousy, from him. Lee' _

"Goodness me," Fred murmured reading the note with his brother, luckily the boy wasn't with them at that time. He was sitting at another table, next to Daphne and Lhu.

Leevanna wasn't comfortable talking about their fights with anyone.

Not even with her pillow. Not with anyone.

"I'll catch you later," she whispered picking up her things and leaving the place before handing her homework to the professor in charge.

In the summer they had fought, yes, but those were stupid fights — biscuits or books.

Nothing as serious as recently.

_ Dangerous _ ... It felt dangerous.

The first weeks they'd started being 'together', they'd fought multiple times, yes. Because they were explosive — still were — and they hated themselves and the other so much for not being able to control their crazy hormones and desires.

_ "You're mine," he demanded. She narrowed her eyes looking at him. _

_ "Okay," she said. "You're mine, too," he also narrowed his eyes hearing her voice. _

_ "Fine." _

_. _

_ "I don't give a fuck about you!" _

_ "And whoever said  _ I _ give a shit about you?!" _

_ "Then why are you so fucking mad at me?!" _

_ "Me?!" she laughed bitterly. "You're the one who's reclaiming!" _

_ He rolled his eyes before supporting one hand on the wall blocking her path. "You cannot graft with other boys." _

_ "And you cannot graft with other girls either," she demanded crossing her arms. _

_ Both narrowed their eyes. _

_ "Fine!" both said exasperated. _

_. _

_ "You're just a quick fuck," he said. _

_ Both looked into each other's eyes angrily. _

_ "You're just one of my preys," she said. _

And they have always fought. They love to do it — it's like a part of their personalities.

If they don't get to fight, things get _worse_.

But it wasn't as before. In past months things would be cleared with him sitting next to her in class and extending her a sugar quill before he held her wrist to get her out and kiss her until she was whimpering under him. Or maybe she would appear with an apple or a new book as an apology before she sat on his leg and everything was fine again.

Now they played and made fun of the necessity both had.

And they did it on purpose.

That wasn't right. It wasn't healthy. Not good. Not a single drop of 'they look good together' shite.

But they didn't have any type of control, nobody controlled them as if they were kids anymore — maybe someone should have. Being honest, nobody had controlled them as kids either. They always did what they wanted and no one had explained to them how things were supposed to be. No one had taught them.

One of the big mistakes they were committing was that they thought the other was their psychologist, they took refuge in the other when they were having depressive episodes.

If she was lost in her thoughts, she just stayed with Draco in their room. He caressing her hair with her laying next to him until both fell asleep. If he was the one having a bad time, he would look for her — it could be at any moment, even if they were in class — and clung to her as the tears ran across his cheeks silently.

But there were also moments in which they didn't talk at all if they were depressed. Moments in which they closed in their own world for days and then — after being on the edge of madness for not being together — they would look for the other as if they were kids admitting that they did break their house's window with a ball.

The girl went to the Forbidden Forest, where she met Luna Lovegood, who was sitting on a big stone caressing a deer's head.

"Hey, Leev," she greeted her with a sweet tone, making her space for her to sit down as the green-eyed sighed.

Luna has known Leevanna forever, so she knew about all the things that happened around her. Besides that, the blue-eyed had this  thing that let her  sense things.

Luna was the only person she would admit to that her relationship was a bit toxic, although she didn't call it that way. She just said they were  _ different _ from the other couples.

That they were still  _ learning_.

"Hi, Luna," the girl sighed as she sat next to her.

The blue-eyed turned her head to look at her and Leevanna rolled her eyes.

"Y'know I despise it when you look at me like that," she said huffing and passing her hands up her face to push her hair backwards feeling the little tears accumulate in her eyes. "As if you already knew all that's going to happen in my life."

"We're the captains of our own destiny, we can change our future with our decisions or manifest things we want to happen... So I cannot know exactly what's going to happen in your life," Luna chuckled softly.

"Only if you could..." Leevanna mumbled.

Luna smiled weakly at her. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," she huffed. "I'm tired, Luna, I haven't sleep," she growled. "I hate him so fucking much!"

Luna chuckled. "And if you  _ hate _ each other  _ so _ much... Why don't you just separate?"

" _No!_ " Leevanna said quickly. "Don't — Don't say that."

Leevanna covered her face with her hands again. She couldn't imagine a single day not being next to her lover, she couldn't push him away with her empire of ice which seemed to melt every day either.

She was feeling powerless. She needed to take control of things yet again. Needed to be the Ice Queen again.

But she couldn't.

It felt as if she'd let the sun hurt one of her ice walls with one of its rays, causing a little wound to appear. And that wound had become wider and wider with the time, it wasn't little anymore. It was hurting her so badly that she felt agonising. She was frantic with the hope of being able to build her empire again, no matter what it could take, she needed to do it.

But there was one single, tiny little problem she couldn't take care of.

A pair of blue-grey eyes which sparkled every time they looked at her. Soft lips which kissed her with such fervour. And his smile, his voice, his warm touch. Also his body and the way he kissed her.

All of that resumed in a person, her lover, also known as Draco Lucius Malfoy.

The main problem of her despair.

And she thought that maybe he'd been the principal ray of light who had hurt her ice walls making them melt so quickly.

But she couldn't blame him.

It was _her_ fault.

_ She_'d been the one who let his warm rays of sun hit her beautiful ice.  She was the responsible.

"You want to—"

"I'm not going to talk about it with you anymore," Leevanna hurried knowing  how Luna was looking at her. "We're learning, yeah? It's not — it's not that bad — I-I swear, okay? It's fine — it isn't — _toxic_..."

"I'm just saying that the jealousy must stop, Leev, on both sides—"

" _ I know _ _!_ " she snapped in an exclaim uncovering her face rudely. Her voice came out a little more defensive she would've wanted. She huffed and closed her eyes.

She couldn't explode like that.

Not with Luna.

"I know..." she said a bit more calmly this time before she let out a sigh from her lips, and staring to caress the deer's head. "But we can't, we're like that," she continued with a half-smile. "We _love_ to fight."

"If you don't fight I think things will be bad," says Luna giving the deer a piece of fruit. Leevanna chuckled and nodded.

"He says we're a constellation," she sighs. "One with the brightest stars in all cosmos, just us. It's pretty — knowing we're just the two," she smiles looking down. "But then there're meteorites, which want to force things, reputations and  weddings and feelings that — that I don't know if I'm ready to feel."

"Not ready or  _ don't want _ to?"

"I don't know," she looks up, gaze lost in the trees. "He's like my supernova. With him it feels like the explosion of it — or how I imagine it would be, at least," she says. "I feel the heat, the air, the freedom, how the colours merge and stain... The explosion is the most mesmerising thing..."

"That explosion may kill you, Leevy," Luna says when the green-eyed rests her head on her shoulder.

"I know," she sighs. "But maybe I want to let it kill me."

"Kinda tragic, y'know?"

"It's all a bit tragic, innit?" She chuckled.

Luna smiled. "If you two like to destroy yourselves when you fight, perhaps that's your happiness," she says. "Maybe you found it," and Leevanna separates from her to look at her. "Fighting's something you've always done, that's your happy ending."

"I— _ that word _ —you, y'know that, right?" Luna nodded laughing. "Promise me that if the explosion is too lethal you'll get me out."

"I promise, Leevy."

"Leevanna! Luna!" Both turned their heads synchronously when they heard Lhu's voice, who put a hand on her chest and before giving a tiny jump. "Goodness' sake, if it wasn't for the hair, I would say you two are bloody twins."

"We aren't that similar," said Leevanna turning her head to see Luna. "We aren't right?"

Luna shrugged. "Maybe we are twins."

"We should use a Glamour and take the other's place, like old times," chuckled the green-eyed making the blue-eyed frown. "What do you say?"

"But I don't have Wrackspurts," a chuckle scape her lips at the poor look Leevanna was giving her.

"C'mon, twisted cousins, it's getting dark, come before Umbridge finds you and gives you detention," both girls said goodbye to the animals and walked towards the brunette to enter the castle. "Draco's been looking for you everywhere, in silence, without asking, but looking for you."

"Let's go for pudding," Leevanna sighed passing her arms over the shoulders of both girls. She was learning about letting the others touch her and how to touch the others too.

There's a story from a famous painter named Vincent Van Gogh. It goes saying he ate yellow paint thinking that its consume would paint his insides bright and yellow and therefore make him happy.

If having happiness on the palm of your hand was so easy, surely we all have to start consuming yellow painting.

Imagine our life. We would just need a tin of the paint weekly and use it as butter for our bread or honey for our tea and sugar for our coffee. Perhaps also as chocolate for pancakes.

Unfortunately, this isn't possible.

Happiness doesn't work that way.

All too often this story is painted in an inspiring light as if the yellow paint wasn't toxic. Because, oh, it really was. Cadmium yellow isn't a game.

People romanticise this as something inspiring or beautiful as if the yellow paint wasn't slowly killing him next to his desperation to also drink turpentine.

Generally, the yellow paint symbolizes something lovely, poetic and metaphorical, anything that 'makes them feel happy'.

But Van Gogh didn't consume yellow paint for happiness or for beauty, it was for numbness and killing the pain.

How else are we to deal with something so ugly besides painting it into something that is easier to look at, nicer to view, something to inspire us rather than hurt us.

And certainly, if happiness was so easy to get, it shouldn't be so lethal.

That night, Draco looked for Leevanna in the dorm she shared with Lhu since first year.

He'd waited for ten minutes before he entered the room and took her from the arm to take her to their dorm and apologise for his behaviour.

They were in their room at that moment.

She was barely drunk because Lhu and she had been drinking Bungbarrel Spiced Mead as they always did when they were stressed. Though the effects of the nine glasses she'd drunk were already fading away.

And he knows she isn't completely in all her senses for the things she says.

"Never abandon be," she mumbles with her eyes flooded with tears still standing up. "Don't leave as all the people... Don't hate—"

"Don't you  _ dare _ to complete that," he snapped wrapping her in his arms and supporting his chin on her hair as she takes the edges of his clothes to attract him more. "I'll never — I will  _ never _ do that," he sighs leaving a kiss on her hair and closing his eyes.

"You promise?" she muttered against his chest and he nods.

"I will promise you all you want, Leevy," he says pressing their foreheads and taking her cheeks. "I will never hate you, even if I tell you I do."

"All people do... You're going to get bored of me..."

"I'm promising it to you, Leevy," he says firmly. "I promise I will never hate you or leave you, you heard me?" And she nods.

He changes positions and sits on the bed to not bow his back to reach her height. Now, with his hands wrapping her waist and his chin against her chest, he's able to look at her better.

"I will promise you all the things in the world, Leevanna," he says. "You don't even have to ask. I will, I promise you that. Always," and she leaves a soft kiss on his lips before pressing their foreheads. "Could you forgive me for the things I said a few days ago? I swear I don't fucking think sometimes."

"I forgive you," she chuckles against his lips. Both still with their eyes closed and skins touching.

And now, half an hour later, they're in silent.

Just how they liked it.

The silent was their favourite sound — apart from their voices and the sounds they made when they brought their bodies together under the sheets when the lights are off and the only emotion which remains is the incessant lust and desire in their beings, echoing on the walls, leaving the marks of their affair written on the white.

He was still surrounding her body with his arms and his cheek against her chest with his eyes closed. The effects of the liquor had already abandoned her body.

"Can I sit down?" she mumbled feeling her legs hurt for being standing all that time they had been there.

"No," he said tightening his grip around her as if he tried to squeeze her as much as he could and put her inside his body to keep her there.

"But—" she complained.

"No," he said again, sighing. "Do that thing with your hands."

"What thing?"

"That one you do with my hair when I am having a bad day," he mumbled.

Slowly and a bit insecure, she surrounded his neck with her arms and started to caress his hair. Her lips curved up in a soft, closed-mouth smile as her cheeks acquired a bit of that rosy colour and felt the tickles in her belly again.

Feels this sensation that fills her brain with endorphin and dopamine and oxytocin. And a silent breathy laugh leaves her.

She played with his hair quite often — she liked the texture it had, so soft and silky —, maybe pulling it a bit until he slapped her hand softly, or chuckling as she made new hairstyles with it.

But when he was having a bad day, she usually laid with him on their bed as he hugged her thighs tightly with his head on her lap while she caressed the back of his hair to relax him. Other times she would fill the bathtub with warm water and sit there with him for hours, his forehead on her shoulder as his arms wrapped her body and she caressed his hair.

And he loved when she caressed his hair. Feeling her fingers brushing his skin.

"This one?" she asked feeling his body relaxing.

"Umm," he sighed.

"...Did you — ...Did you have a bad day?" she asked after a few minutes of silence. He nodded silently. "You want to ... Talk about it?" he denied.

"Just... Stay with me," he whispered. His voice came out as a beg as if he was imploring her not to leave, never to leave. " _ Please _ ..."

He didn't want her to leave — to leave him.

"I will stay with you..." she whispered too, still caressing his hair.

And she didn't want to leave — to leave him.

The explosion is so stunning that maybe you don't know you're already dying.

༄

On the 10th of October, a few minutes before the Potions class, Snape and a girl with green eyes spoke.

"No, Leevy," the man told her seriously and standing idly.

"C'mon," she said imitating his action.

"I'm _not_ teaching you how to perfection Legilimens, my last word," he said, looking her in the eye and holding his gaze.

Both lasted several minutes in intense eye-contact, the one who blinked first gave their arm to twist. It has always been like that since Leevanna was a child.

The first times she always lost.

But then, according she went growing—

"Fine," Severus reluctantly accepted after he blinked. "But no one can find out," she nodded smiling. A few moments later, the classroom started to fill up.

Hours later, Draco and Leevanna fought  _ again_.

This time had been Leevanna who started the fight and it had been for the stupidest motive ever.

She closed her eyes tightly when she heard the laughs and voices behind the door. The knot in her throat became stronger, leaving her without air as she tried to contain herself. The coloured spots she was used to seeing, blurred her vision leaving her without it a few seconds and the tickles in her belly felt like pins piercing her skin mercilessly.

It feels like a punishment. A one she deserved and was willing to have.

She took air deeply and contained it in her lungs as she opened the door of her room.

"My Ice Queen!" greeted George cheerfully, extending his arms in the air before taking a sip of his Muggle-beer.

She felt dizzy.

The air stuttered inside her and made her release a painful cry as her knees buckle and she fell on them against the door's frame and her cheeks flooded with salty water.

"I—" babbled George looking at his girlfriend and brother. The two of them were also in shock. They were supposed to be doing karaoke and now they were scared as fuck because Leevanna Vaughan doesn't cry in front of others, they'd only seen her once but she had her motives.

And the green-eyed's gasping through a sudden attack of wracking sobs as her friends keep looking at her. She feels pathetic, for crying in front of others and letting her weakness surface the world.

She feels so fucking _pathetic_ , more than that even. Feels like the epicentre of all ridicule possible. And it all keeps getting worse. So much worse than it already was. Is drowning with her father's words now, how he always says to her that she's just a ridiculous crybaby.

And she asks herself why is she crying. She'd been the main responsible for their fight, he'd said he didn't want to fight but she'd kept going. She'd been the one who made him shed tears first. She didn't have the minimum right to cry. _Didn't deserve it._

"Is — Is she having a seizure?" mumbles Fred still looking at her shocked.

The first time the twins had seen her cry, it'd just been for less than one minute. And they'd barely seen her because Lhu was her human shield. They'd been able just to hear her sobs and drowned screams. But now — now she'd been crying in front of them for good four minutes and they couldn't get out of their shock. Their bodies were tense and it felt as if they had a fever or something similar, like a burning that didn't leave them breathe.

They were hypnotised by how pretty but weak she looked at that moment. Her rosy face and tears decorating her skin were — were something similar to see the sun reflecting on the ice making it shine or make a blurry rainbow.

"I — I think so," George says in a mutter, feeling how nerve by nerve his body was reacting at the situation. "Lhu, is she—?"

"It's not a seizure, it's a panic attack," she says feeling her body finally reacting. "She hasn't had them in a long time."

Fred shook his head finally waking up from his short trance and approached the girl to lift her from the floor.

"Fred,  _ no_," Lhu snaps. "Don't touch her."

"Why not?" He turns his head to see her, halfway to the girl. "She's practically going to convulse over the carpet."

"Let — let me do it," she sighs and approaches quickly, placing an arm in front of the boy to make him step back.

Lhu crouches down, moving her hands until they're near the girl's body. She knows she needs to ask to touch her first or she was going to react badly. Maybe her best friend wasn't entirely conscious, but somewhere in her brain would catch the message.

She was whispering and babbling. "Mint... Three hundred eighteen, three hundred twenty-one, three hundred twenty-seven... Lemon balm..." two clear and glassy emeralds lost in nowhere. "Thunderstorms... Three hundred thirty-six, forty-five, fifty-four... Deep..."

"Leev," she calls making the girl look up as she pants desperately and keeps whispering.

"June... Three hundred sixty-three... Blue... Three hundred seventy-two, eighty-one... Grey...”

"I'm going to touch you, okay? _Breathe_..." And she prays for her to listen and give her the yes. A sigh of relief leaves her lips when Leevanna nodded awkwardly. "Why don't you keep counting for me while doing what I?" Lhu says and the girl nods again before the brunette inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly as her hands brush against the fabric of her clothes before she grabs her completely to start standing up.

"Three hundred ninety, three hundred ninety-n-nine... F-four h-hundred eight... Eight..."

"Is nine today?" Lhu smiled weakly and Leevanna nodded jerkily with her eyes closed while keeping the count.

Both started walking towards Leevanna's bed slowly, cautiously. The black-and-white haired trying to imitate her best friend's deep breathes with every step.

Twenty minutes later, Leevanna was just laying in her bed with dry tears decorating her pale cheeks. She didn't remember most of what had happened when she arrived at the door, and none of her friends said anything — because Lhu'd warned them she wouldn't say anything if she found out she'd been crying in front of others —, they just asked why she'd little tears on her face and listened carefully her side of the story.

"You need to tell him that you didn't mean it," said Fred playing with the girl's cat. "Because you didn't, _right_?" he looked at her.

She denied with her head.

No, she will  never mean the horrible things she says when she's angry.

"But I fucking told him that I'd go with Lee and—" she denied with her head jerkily. "Don't even make me say it again," Leevanna sighed closing her eyes. "How the fuck do I emend what I did?"

"Why Lee, though?" asked George somehow confused.

"He's with this stupid idea that Lee fancies me and I — I just needed something to hurt him, but I'm bloody stupid and I went too fucking far. I crossed from fucking China to bloody Argentina."

Leevanna always goes too far.

The twins glanced at Lhu and she glanced at them after hearing their friend's name. He wasn't there for the karaoke night because he'd something to do — with Daphne.

"He apologised the last time, it's your turn girl," said Lhu licking a lollipop. "Just go to his dorm and voilà."

"What's more... Why did you even get jealous of Pansy?" Asked Fred. "You know she doesn't want him the way you do. And she's dating Blaise."

"Because she's stupid," laughed Lhu. "She even got jealous of  _ me _ because I was _'_ _to close_ _'_."

"You, crazy girl," laughed George.

The next day's early morning, Leevanna took all the courage she had and went up the stairs that lead to Draco's private room following Lhu's and the twins' suggestions to emend her horrible mistake.

She found the door half-open and the strong smell of alcohol invaded her nostrils.

Although it wasn't Fire Whiskey, the one he liked and she hated because it burned her throat thanks to how sour it tasted.

It smelled like... Bungbarrel Spiced Mead, the one she liked and he hated because it was too sweet for him.

She entered without knocking finding the room in complete darkness: Draco was sitting on the edge of his bed with his white shirt open and his wrist pressing his eyes — there were thousands of things on the floor, the bed was undone.

She stayed at the entrance for a few seconds examining him, but she didn't last much and went quickly towards him, knelt on the floor and took his face between her hands seeing the tears in his eyes. She didn't enter in a barely lasting trance anymore when she saw him crying — it had been just a few, countable times but she'd done it. Anyway, the weakness he showed was still breathtaking for her. It was still impacting seeing his tears.  'Pearl tears' , how she liked to call the salty water which fell from his eyes because of the slightly big size they had.

Oh, she felt so guilty.

He was like that for all the things she'd said... She'd hurt him so much and regretted it.

" _Forgive me..._ " she whispered. "Oh, God...  _ Please_... Please, forgive me..."

"Say you're still mine..." he whispered back looking her in the eye. "Say that he—"

"I'm yours, only yours," she said interrupting him and kissing the palms of his hands before he could complete the sentence. She had said  very painful things to him, things that she hoped not to say again. "D'you understand? _ I'm only yours_."

He nodded feeling out of himself.

"Don't leave me Leevy..." he whispered again seeing how her eyes started to fill up with tears at the same time his did. "Not you..."

"I'm not going to leave you, you hear me? I'm not leaving you," she said attracting his body to hers in a hug feeling how he held her tightly and hid his face in the hole of her neck smelling her.

Her aroma intoxicating him.

"I was scared Leevy, that I could lose you..."

And she knows he isn't completely sober because he would never admit to her things like those. None of them could say that kind of things being sober. But she's sober right now and she wants to say things like those.

"You're  _ NOT_," she said with tears on her face angrily looking at him. "I'm here now and I'm  _ NOT _ going to leave you. You're never gonna lose me and I'm never gonna lose you," she got up from the floor and took him by the hand to take him to the bed.

She regretted so much all the things she had said to him.

She took care of changing his clothes and then put on the shirt he wore before. She leaned on his side behind him and supported an elbow on the pillow to start caressing his hair while humming a soft melody.

He turned his body and hugged her tightly, not wanting her leaving his side.

No, that hadn't been the first time he told her that and that wasn't the first she promised not to leave him either or vice-versa. And wasn't going to be the last time they fought.

Because, it's all a little bit  _ tragic_, isn't it?

And, at the end of the day, we all have our yellow paint.


	16. Crystal

Dead peonies.

They smell utterly outrageous.

Peony pink that shades with a yellowish green.

Number fives dancing thrillingly.

The demon with yellowish-green, hungry irises inside us stiffens up as if bubbles of boiling water it is. Scraps one of his claws along the bottom of your gut. Is a fire within us, it burns away all possible logic or reasoning.

All that remains is hatred, irrational anger, hostility and resentment. A wrench in your stomach.

 _Jealously_.

Is a bitter flavour and its texture is sandy and dry.

Draco doesn't just feel jealously from other people — people he wants to kill with bare hands— if not, also from a pretty witch with particular black and white hair and green eyes.

Because _he_ _is_ _possessive_.

He does _not_ share anything with bloody anyone.

It's difficult now, because she also bloody belongs to him.

How he could be jealous of someone that was his? Was that even possible?

He'd thought maybe those thinkings would go away according the time to finally stop being in an incessant competition with the witch he has hated for years.

That hasn't happened.

He's very much aware of that.

Hadn't reminded it — or preferred to ignore it for a bit longer.

But he definitely sees it now.

His eyes are narrowed.

The Malfoys' owl had entered the Great Hall with two letters between its peak. One a bit more full than the other.

She'd gotten the fatter one.

And also had the results of the little exams they had taken a few days ago just as practice.

She'dgotten one more point than him.

Oh, he really _hates_ her right now.

He has already read his letter, no much of his interest, just his mother asking how things were and letting him know of a few things going around.

"Cissy says Maglor has went to your manor to see Mipsy," she chuckled still reading. "And asks if you already finished the book she sent."

"Could've asked that in my letter," he responded curtly and leaving the letter carelessly on the table before taking his goblet to his mouth.

She rolled her eyes playfully, it irritates him. "Don't be grumpy," she smiled.

He looked at her before drinking the pumpkin juice in the goblet in one. Gods, she infuriates him so fucking much these days.

He's pissed off. That's clear as crystal.

She doesn't seem to notice.

"How's that you always get the highest bloody scores?" whined Theo comparing his exam with his. He had four points less.

"Because I _do_ study," he answered somehow nicer. But then his jaw clenched yet again when he turned to see her. "Though..."

"S'impossible to beat her," chuckled Daphne comparing hers with Blaise's, who was picking more roasted chicken. Same scores. "Don't tell me you're jealous."

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Why I would be?" she shrugged. "It's just... One point."

One point.

_One._

Yet it means _so_ much.

She's brighter. Receives more things. More words. Knows more. She's every—fucking—where. He's sure his father will look at her with a proud smile but with a scowl at him before demanding more.

_One—fucking—point._

He repulses her.

Salazar he does!

"I'm definitely studyin' with you next time," huffed Lhu. She'd the same score as Pansy. Three points less than Draco, four less than Leevanna.

"Malfoy was the one explaining," she shrugged. "I haven't been paying attention lately."

"Love," he called, "don't try to be humble," he smiled sarcastically. "Isn't your colour," pushing his plate away, he got up and started to walk before grabbing his things.

And she has lost her smile. Disappeared like a shadow does in the dark.

"Malfoy—"

But he had already crossed the doors.

"'At's wwong wif him?" frowned Theo with half garlic bread inside his mouth.

"His father's been pushing," she sighed.

"And getting mad at you s'because...?" this time, Pansy's the one frowning.

"Is difficult trying not to compete anymore," she gave them a faint smile before chuckling. "I was going to boast my score at him, y'know?" time time she laughed before growling and passing her hand through her hair to push it back.

"Seems one's more competitive," sneered Blaise before taking the chicken to his mouth gaining a poor look from her.

"See you in class," she waved hurrying to look for her wizard and try to talk. Fortunately she'd eaten enough and Lhu didn't say anything to her. Not that she would've cared.

Draco was leaned on a wall with his eyes closed trying not to think about her getting better scores or more affection from his own parents than he gets. Holy shite, it was just one bloody point. It shouldn't be big deal.

It shouldn't.

It fucking shouldn't.

But it _is._

And hearing her calling his surname isn't helping to calm his fervent rage.

So he starts walking away before she can even reach him. Avoids grunting. They have already passed the stairs and were near the lavatories. The hallways were practically empty because it was still too early for class. Lunch wasn't even at its half.

He doesn't want to yell at her. Doesn't want to fight at least today. Wants to stead himself before saying or doing something he will later regret.

But she doesn't understand that and keeps bloody insisting.

Whoever had been the fucker who told her everything needs to be talked between the two, certainly can go to hell and receive the worst of the punishments.

He has a bloody list at this point.

Azkaban doesn't sound so bad, for Salalzar's soul.

"Malfoy—"

"Vaughan, _not_ now," he grunts closing his eyes to try and ignore her voice.

"Listen to me!" she shrieks slamming her foot on the floor. He stops walking and closes his eyes once more before opening them. He can't see her but knows her cheeks are rosy and eyes narrowed.

"What?" he turns in a growl, confirming how she looks.

She sighs. "Look, I know your father's been pushing and with all this shite going around isn't easy to not lose our senses, but you don't have to suppress—"

"Who told you?" he frowns at her.

"Told me what?" she frowns too.

"That we have to talk about everything," he says. "Because lately your fucking tongue has its own life."

"I think it was Lee and—"

He breathes out a bitter laugh. "Of course I was going to hear his _fucking_ name."

She rolls her eyes. "Malfoy, I just want to comprehend what's bothering you, communication is—"

" _Bullshit_ , Vaughan," he winces shaking his head. "Your dear puppy giving you advices to whatever _we_ have," his finger points between him and her, " _isn't_ working, you can give your fucking report," he grins sarcastically.

Her arms cross over her chest. "He was just trying to help."

"Well, he _isn't_!" he says exasperated. "Things work different for us and you fucking know it, we have other ways, things that work for _us_ ," he spits between teeth. "And that shouldn't fucking change for some stupid advice from someone who fancies you."

"He doesn't—"

"God, you're fucking _blind_!" at his lost of patience, her face turns rosy from rage. "If you haven't notice, his fucking advices are also changing _you_ ," he says pointing her. "You weren't like that, you would've stayed there and wait until _I_ talked with you," and she looks away because it's true. "And you're trying to change _me_ — my way of dealing with you. That isn't fucking nice."

Her eyes burn with tears. He's right.

What the hell was she even thinking? They already worked relatively fine and she just screwed it up.

She hadn't realised her attitude had changed. That she was changing him and the way they were before. She'd let somebody else give they opinion on something that wasn't their concern. She has let the meteorite hit her constellation.

"At least can you tell me we're fine?" and she tries really hard to not let her voice break.

He's silver merged with aquamarine. Hints of yellowish-green are also there.

She's scarlet. A big scarlet sixty-seven.

"No, we're not fine, Vaughan," he huffs. "I'm angry with you! Okay?!" his hand runs through his hair. Tries to stead himself.

"It was _one_ point, Malfoy!" she cries.

"No! It isn't just _one_ point!" he yells too. "Is my mum sending you more letters than she sends me! Is my father caring more about you than for me! Is you being every— _fucking_ —where! Is you trying to change me! Is you and this idea of yours of wanting to be like the fucking rest! Is you changing your attitude! Is always fucking _YOU_!"

She has jumped. A bit scared. Has closed her eyes to not imagine he is her father.

And she doesn't know what to do. Doesn't know what to say.

So she does the only one thing she's done all her life when someone yells at her.

" _Forgive me_ ," she mutters. "I — I'm really sorry, I didn't think—"

"Just shut up," he closes his eyes running his fingers through his hair. "I need space, Vaughan, I need to be alone a—"

" _No!_ " she shrieks in a cry. "Please! Please don't say that word! D-Don't say you need space because I-I can't be alone!" she cries out again. "I'll do whatever! Just forgive me, forgive me, forgive—"

And he kisses her.

Roughly.

Hands on her damp cheeks, fisting her hair and then releasing it. Teeth nipping. Her hands are unusually shy and they tremble while fisting his clothes so as not to let him go.

His eyes open in the middle of the kiss and sees nobody is out yet. Fortunately. If not they could've had troubles with all the recent decrees the bitch of Umbridge had impose.

He starts pushing her towards the lavatory he knows is abandoned and has used a few times before. Not even ghosts go there. It's clean but dark and foreign. She lets herself by guided by him and in a second she's being lifted and seated on the sink.

One of her hands is on his cheek, he can feel her rings against his cold skin. Her touch is soft, delicate. Careful of where she touches. As if she was caressing him. Healing the wounds he had been licking — like an animal, a dragon who's angry with himself and the world.

And he repulses her more for that. He doesn't want her pity or softness.

He wants to punish her for the things she does. The attention she receives. Her mere existence.

Contrary to her, his hand takes her jaw so rough that she jumps — bucks her hips against him intentionally. His fingers press her skin, his lips start leaving red marks on her jawline and neck. Her robes are in the way, so he unties it and throws it to the floor.

"I really fucking hate you," he breathed against her lips while the dry tears remained on her face.

Her eyes begin to burn again. He is practically ripping her clothes off, the buttons of her blouse are now all over the sink and floor. Though he doesn't want to undress her, so leaving her only in her bralette and skirt, knee-socks and shoes is enough. He keeps being fully dressed. "But you promised me—"

"Yeah, I know," he grunts grabbing her jaw and biting her lower lip. "But I really do right know."

"Forgive me," she whimpers arching her back for him to kiss her chest. "Forgive me, forgive me."

It was like she had been swimming and he was the monster in de deepest part of the ocean, waiting for her to swim deeper just to sank her until she drowns.

Draco was the one who was in control.

He pulled back, still holding her jaw, and their eyes met.

"Shut your _fucking_ mouth," he growls fisting her hair and grabbing her neck to pin her to the mirror behind in a slam. "You heard me? _Shut. The fuck. Up_ ," she nods obediently. Just tries make him kiss her.

He doesn't let her. Punishes her. Lets the beast that rages within him and craves the closeness he felt to her when they were intimate like this surface his skin.

Still with his hand around her neck and her own fisting his clothes, he bites her lower lip once more before pressing their foreheads and whispering, "You're going to be as broken as I am, love."

"Say you hate me," the words whisper his lips. Foreheads keep pressed against each other. Her hands now on his cheeks. His rings pressing her neck. "I deserve it."

"Why the fuck would I listen to you?" his hand presses more her neck, the other is under her knee, opening her to him. "Huh? Fucking tell me."

"Because you need me," she moaned. " _Please_... Please, _Draco_ , please..."

" _I fucking hate you._ "

And he isn't proud of this. He bloody isn't.

Because it isn't her fault. She can't control other people's attitude, she can't control how they treat her or the things they say. It isn't her bloody fault. He fucking knows it.

But it's so much easier blame someone else. It's so bloody much easier say he hates her with all his soul while he parts her thighs carelessly. While his fingers leave marks on her skin and she apologises for whatever motive.

It's so much _easier_.

Fucking hell it _is_.

His hands around her neck, pressing his rings. Leaving marks. Purple and big ones. His lips do the same. He doesn't kiss her lips anymore.

She keeps whimpering and moaning. Keeps apologising. Shedding tears. Calling his name. Travelling his body with her hands. Her knees pressed against his torso.

Draco muttered a spell under his breath, it's muffled with her incessant apologies. As he drew her tongue to play along with hers, the tip of his wand began to vibrate.

The buzzing was imperceptible.

His hand left her neck and grabbed the hem of her knickers before ripping the lace fabric effortlessly. He spread her apart and used his other hand to press the tip of his wand against her clit.

Her hips bucked.

He pressed the wand more firmly into her.

Another whimper.

"D-Draco — wh-what—" with her hands fisting again his clothes, her voice chocked off into a loud gasp. A groan rumbled deep from her chest at the sensations.

She squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lower lip, the trembling in her thigh muscles becoming more violent.

Her voice broke in a loud moan when his other hand twisted so his palm was face-up and slipped his middle and ring finger inside her core. "Oh, God... Oh, my—" she inhaled another breath, one that stuttered and her thighs shook.

And he's overwhelmed. Everything's so blurry around him. The sounds are distorted. His body is burning on fever.

Her rings made a sharp noise when her hand suddenly grabbed the sink's edge in an attempt to hold herself. Head pressed on his neck and her mouth open trying to gain a breath.

He moved his wand in a circular motion making her back arch and her hand lean on the mirror.

And he took the chance.

Seeing her eyes flutter and how her head bowed while moaning, he removed the wand from her clit and started trailing it up from her abdomen until he reached her neck.

Having been intimate with her thousands of times, gave him the knowledge of knowing every single part of her body pore by pore and the reactions it had when he brushed her.

Oh, he knows how to pull her up to the heights of the skies until she reaches the fucking universe and drop her as if a meteorite she was. How to touch her in a way that she'd come for so long and so hard that she wept.

Her skin bristles and she gives a few small jumps when the buzzing reached her breasts. His fingers keep going in and out.

He can see how her nipples bristle even more when the tip of his wand starts doing circles around them prior to go up and down. He does the same with the other one. Plays with them while he leaves marks on her neck.

She grabs the edge of the sink so hard that she thinks it's going to break. Her other hand is trying desperately to hold into something — his clothes.

He pulls away from her and his fingers do the same before pounding deliciously and so deep into her that her whole body bows before arching back. The tip of his wand starts going down her abdomen.

She's trembling — _shaking_ against him. Jerking and trying not to fall from the sink. Her moans make echo against the walls. Hands grabbing the sink.

He lowered more his wand until it was buzzing against her clit again.

The moment he began to slam his fingers in and out with a violent speed-exactly the way that made her wail, he directed his lips to her ear.

"Just like you make me feel," and suddenly the buzz was now against her thigh.

And his fingers weren't there anymore. Also out of her. Far away.

"N-No — d-don't—" the buzz was there again, then it wasn't. "Draco — d-don't stop—"

His hand wrapped around her neck one more time, his lips leaving kisses against her jawline. She's searching for them, trying to taste his flavour. He doesn't let her.

Against her.

Far away.

Is there.

It isn't.

A breathless exhale leaves her mouth. Eyelids fluttering. Head bowing. Mouth open.

The buzz is against her clit again.

"Frustrating, isn't it?" he whispers in her ear and the buzz isn't there anymore. "You're frantic," she gasps. He hands trying to hold. "Hating it."

"Wh-Why are y-you—" gasp "—stoping—" is there, against her, just to leave her again. "Don't stop—"

"Infuriating," he mutters again. "Just like you," and is there again. Moans leaving her mouth. "A little whore who I _fucking hate_."

"D-Draco—"

Isn't there anymore.

"Please—" she exhales a gasp that made every nerve ending in his body burst into flames. "Go back, go back... I'm b-begging you..."

His heart raced with his never-ending craving to fuck her — to grab her thighs and hike them up around his hips and fuck the ever-loving shite out of her in all the positions until she could't fucking breathe — right here in the lavatory.

"Begging like the fucking desperate cunt you are, aren't you?" his nose nuzzling against her cheekbone. Her eyes close and the buzz is there again.

"Please — oh, god — _please_ — Right there. Right there, _right there_!"

"A fucking little _whore_.”

Her moan and attempt of nod were enough response to gain the buzz against her clit again.

And his fingers enter her once more. She wails.

"You're going to fucking come for me?" his eyebrow raises against her cheek. His thumb somehow caressing her skin before her head is slammed against her mirror. "You're going to fucking come all over me like the desperate fucking cunt you are?"

She nodded frantically.

The buzz's there again.

"Please—" she moans. "Please..."

It abandons.

Returns.

Goes away.

Comes back.

Draco wasn't even thinking clearly.

He's blind by his wilful desire of punish her for all the things she doesn't have control of. Just wants to see her cry and cry. Hurt her. Hate her.

It hurts.

Wanting to repulse her and just see her as if the words he has said were true, hurts like hell.

Aches. Pierces his skin. Breaks his nerves.

As if he was on fire inside.

There's no water. No air.

He's suffocating in his own rage.

He hates her. Hates her. Hates her. Hates her.

_Please, just let me hate you._

He can't. He can't. He can't. Can't. Can't.

_Please...._

He promised her.

Her.

Her.

Her.

His hands abandon her once more and quickly remove his belt and lower his trousers until his hips.

And he thrusts in.

It isn't beautiful. He doesn't care. Is selfish. Hurts. Burns. Rage.

Dark aquamarine.

The sea.

Her.

Her.

Her.

Her.

Always _her._

And he isn't proud. Is shamed. Scared. Disgusted. Horrified. Is everything but fine.

But then, when is fine?

It never is. Never. Never. Nothing ever is fine.

_Just let me hate you._

He just needs a break.

Air.

Breathe.

To break.

He can't even look at her. His eyes quickly escape hers while his hands accommodate his trousers. He doesn't say anything, but she's saying something though. Not that he cares.

And he leaves.

Without saying anything. Holding his breath. His tears. His rage.

It fucking _hurts_.

Because he wants.

He really, really, fucking _really_ wants to fucking hate her. Wants to repulse her so bloody much that he throws up. Wants to be annoyed by her. Wants to not want her.

But he can't.

Why? Why? Why?!

He can't fucking _breathe_.

Somehow he reaches the Black Lake. Its quietness hits him like waves. Nobody is there. Lonely. Calm. Cold. It helps.

His knees are against his chest, arms surrounding them. His head between them.

_Just let me hate you. Let me hate you. Let me fucking hate you._

Why he'd promised to her he wouldn't do it? Why she'd made him promise it? Who the hell does she think she's to made him promise something like that? Who does he think _he_ is to make promises like those?

And he hates himself.

God, what has he done?

He has been a cruel, selfish piece of shite. He has been a bastard. Has hurt her. Has _used_ her.

What has he done? What has he done? What has he done?!

Usually our mothers tells us to be careful with crystals. Any type of it. Glasses or ornaments you find pretty.

If you're drinking whatever you find in a glass, she says 'careful with leaving it on the edge of the table', 'don't let it fall', 'don't put it on your bed'.

The crystal is _fragile_. Hell it is.

Even though they warn us, we sometimes let it fall. We put it on the edge of the table. On our bed. The instructions left their bodies for a second. It had been a blink.

And it falls to the ground.

Breaks into million of pieces than can hurt us if we aren't careful when we pick them up.

Our mothers yells at us after, with obvious reasons. But they also ask if we are okay, that we have to be careful to not cut ourselves.

Unfortunately, nobody's there to tell him he should be careful picking up the pieces of the broken crystal.

Because he's the crystal.

And he can't pick the pieces up by himself anymore. He's cut himself to many times with the sharp sides. Is bleeding. Aching. Hurting. _Crying_.

_Burns._

He can't pick up the pieces. Can't touch them.

So the tears keep falling. The sobs dying against his knees. Screams that tear apart his throat. Fever that sets on fire his insides.

He's so fucking exhausted.

So fucking overwhelmed.

_Witches deserve nice things._

His witch doesn't have a nice thing.

And she fucking deserves them.

He isn't a good thing. Is everything but fucking good. Scum she should step on over and over again.

Instead of nice things, his witch has to deal with the burden he is. Has to cry every time. Has to find ways to not collapse. Another path. The end of the riddle.

But he's so _selfish_.

Has closed every single way out. Erased all the paths. Made her collapse.

The hours pass. He doesn't realise it. Just keeps _crying._

At some point he stopped and his eyes remained fixed on everything and nothing. He isn't exactly looking at something. He's just looking. Staring. Lost in his blank thoughts. Feeling his heart hurt. The memories overwhelming.

The stars are his favourite thing since he was a child. His father and him would usually look at them four hours until he turned seven. His mother would usually play nice music and bake tartlets for them. They would talk and talk, read about constellations, planets, nebulas and more.

Everything was fine.

The stars were his happy place.

And now he has found a star. His own star.

How he could hate her if the stars were his happy place?

Gods he wants to.

His cheeks keep being damp and some tears keep running down. Chin supported on his arms. Knees against his chest.

When we break the crystal, we usually hide it. We say everything's fine and nothing has happened. Just the wind probably. We hide the pieces. Try to pick them up until our mother comes and finds the truth.

We broke the crystal.

And when we can't pick the pieces up anymore, there is always someone who will do it for us.

"It's okay, Draco," she whispers passing an arm over his shoulders to guide him to her.

And his name sounds so fucking good when her lips say it...

He lets her and closes his eyes when his head find her thighs. Her knees are lightly flexed. Still has her school uniform.

"I'm exhausted, Leevy..." he whispers. It's barely audible. His throat is sore. Her hand intertwines with his as her legs stretch and one foot crosses over the other.

His eyes fix on the sky one more time. The stars shine so brightly. They're beautiful.

"I know," she sighs. "Is okay, I promise," he can't clearly see it, but knows she has a close-mouth smile across her face. Their hands are over her thighs. "Is okay to feel exhausted."

He nods faintly and tightens his hold on her hand in an attempt to clung more to her and her body. In an attempt to implore for her forgiveness for the way he used and hurt her hours ago.

How he could hate her if she smiled at him that way? How he could look her in the eyes and not cry because he broke his promise just a second?

"Close your eyes, love," she whispers in his ear and he obeys her feeling her hand let go off his before it runs through his hair. Softly. Delicate. Sweetly.

He feels more tears running down his cheeks. His body relaxing. Nostrils catching her aroma. Skin feeling hers.

"I'm here, I won't go anywhere."

_Please just let me hate you._

There's always somebody who will bleed for us while picking up the pieces.

༄

"You applied first for the Defence Against the Dark Arts post, is that correct?" Umbridge asked walking behind Snape.

"Yes."

"But you were _unsuccessful_?" She said with fake pity and pout.

" _Obviously_."

And after the woman left, Snape hit Ron Weasley in his head for laughing making Leevanna laugh and the professor to narrow her eyes at her.

On Tuesday, the 15th of October, Leevanna slipped behind a corridor wall and while Snape and Umbridge spoke, she pulled out her wand pointing to the woman's horrible hair, making it as green as vomit.

The Potions' professor opened his eyes but concealed his horrification quite well until the woman left. Leevanna stood next to him and both made a five-high in front of McGonagall, which looked at them scared and surprised, but with some fun.

Minerva loved the pranks she did and how Severus always tried to avoid laughing.

Leevanna began to dance behind the woman dressed up in pink as she altered the colours of her hair until she left it in green again, the students around her tried not to snicker. The professor had absolutely no suspicion and kept smiling.

"Fred Weasley, get ready for the best challenge of your life," the girl told him arriving with as much swag as possible to his side.

And while Umbridge filled Hogwarts with rules and decrees, the twins and Leevanna made every possible mischief and if she discovered them, they used the Obliviation spell.

Everything seems fine for a while. A break. Somehow. They finally get a break. A breath to catch and yells to forget.

Unfortunately, breaks aren't forever and after the bell rings, we have to go back to reality.

On the 17th of October, Draco was making Leevanna laugh.

"Stop!" she laughed squirming against the pillows as he climbed the bed again and slid the grey feather up her thighs and belly.

"You own me," he chuckled against her lips stopping his action and hearing her breathy gasps for air. "You left me yesterday."

"Oh, poor Draco, I abandoned him," she chuckled seeing his pout before the feather started tickling her again. "You little bitch! Stop it!" And her laugh was so genuine that he started leaving little kisses on her lips.

He adores her lips.

And hair. Skin. Eyes.

Adores _her_ in general.

His hands left the feather aside and lifted the shirt she was wearing — his shirt — to start leaving wet kisses down her abdomen and belly. His left hand entered the fabric completely and reached one of her breasts, pressing it and hearing her lips release little, breathy groans.

When his hands found the edges of her lace underwear to start sliding it down, someone knocked at the door.

"Don't you dare to go see who is," he said against her neck after he climbed up the bed for her not to leave, he hadn't taken off her underwear yet.

And that someone knocked again.

" _Draco_... We 'ave to—"

"Sh, you talk too much," he shushed her with a kiss on the lips making her chuckle as she fought for him to release her.

Another knock.

"Merlin's fucking deformed tit, whoever it is, get fucking fucked," said the blond making the green-eyed laugh as she got up.

"You're such a big baby, I swear," she chuckled opening the door.

It was Fred Weasley.

"Freddie? What—" she frowned softly, confused and taking the sweatpants on her side.

"Is happening again," he huffed, pressing his nose's bridge with his thumb and middle finger before sliding them until it reached his cheeks. His eyes were slightly red.

"What's happening again?"

"The feeling."

"The one which—" he nodded and his eyes watered as he tried to look away. "Oh... Fuck — okay, wait for me here, I'm going to — Draco, see you in a while!"

" _What?_ " he frowned. " _No,_ you come back here," the blond sat up on the bed seeing her put on the sweatpants she'd grabbed before.

"I promise it won't take long," she chuckled leaving a kiss on his lips before leaving the room.

Draco clenched his jaw, closing his eyes and starting losing his patience.

"Fuck," he growled whispering as the back of his head hits the edge of the headboard sending pain throughout it.

He doesn't care. Instead, he does it again until white flashy spots blurry his vision. Maybe that way Leevanna would finally pay attention to him and not only to her dear friends.

It's not like he doesn't like to see her laughing with them — because he knows she's had trouble with friendships all her life — but — what happens if she discovers her friends are better than him? What happens if she _leaves_?

And when Leevanna entered the room both shared sighing, she smiled seeing him reading a book she'd bought for him in summer.

He was with his back against the headboard, one leg semi-flexed and the other stretched. Still wearing his school pants and the white shirt lazily put on — out of his trousers and button-slaves unbuttoned. Just how she likes.

She threw herself face-down on the bed before supporting her chin on her hand to look at him.

"Aren't you going to say hi?" She raised an eyebrow and he glanced at her before fixing his gaze on his book again.

"Hello," he muttered.

She frowned. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing," his gaze still on his book.

" _Malfoy_."

"What?"

She took off the book from his hands and threw it to the floor.

"Thanks for making me lose the page," he huffed closing his eyes.

"Are you going to tell me what the fuck's up to you?" She frowned even more.

"Nothing," he stood up from the bed to grab the book again and when he crouched down to take it, he stopped hearing her threat.

"You grab that fucking book again and I swear I'm leaving."

And he really tried to bite his tongue.

"Like fucking always," he said between teeth standing up again still without looking at her. She sat on the bed.

"The fuck are you talking about?"

Ha had said it, there was no going back and he knows it. It was better to continue and end with it at once.

"I'm talking about you not being here," his hands placed on his hips.

"What are you—" she huffed. "It's because I left two hours ago? Because I went with Fred?"

"Yes, I'm fucking talking about that," his voice came out with anger. "Because if you aren't with the twins having your little fucking chats or whatever you do with them, you're with Lhu, if it isn't Lhu, is the group, and if isn't the fucking group, is the fucking pansy of Jordan and you know what I think of him."

She laughed bitterly before standing up. "Oh, so you don't want me to have friends anymore? That's what you're saying? You want me to be here waiting for you like your fucking dog? You want me to bark too?"

"Don't be fucking ludicrous," he rolled his eyes. "I'm not saying that."

"So what are you fucking saying then?" She frowned angrily, approaching him. "Fucking explain it to me," she looked at him up and down.

"Leevanna, I—" he huffed before passing a hand up to his face to then ran his fingers through his hair closing his eyes. "I _don't_ want to fight with you today, yeah? I'm not in the mood."

"And you think _I'm_ in the fucking mood?" she laughed bitterly again as she pointed herself with her index finger. "But I have to deal with your fucking jealously."

"Look who talks about jealously," a sarcastic smile formed on his lips. "Miss 'I got jealous of my best friend'."

"You're the one fucking dragging through the halls when other people fucking approach me!"

"Because I know their intentions, for fucking Fuck's sake!"

"Oh, so you now don't trust me?! That's what you mean! You don't trust me!"

"Oh, let's not fucking talk about trust, yeah?! Because you're no fucking saint on the subject either!"

"I have fucking motives! You get fucking jealous of someone who has a fucking girlfriend! You don't fucking trust me!"

He's exhausted of this. And he isn't jealous, he's just afraid.

"Leevanna, that's — of course I _do_ trust you... I'm tired, please, can we—"

"No," she said firmly. "I'm not going to shut the hell up until you explain to me what the fuck do you mean."

"I don't trust other people! That's what I fucking mean!"

"What part of 'I'm not going anywhere' isn't understandable?! Fucking whoever could stand in front of me and I would choose _you_ and your fucking jealously!"

"But yet you go anywhere but this fucking room! Always fucking going out! Always leaving this room all the whole fucking time! I'm tired of you!"

"I AM TIRED OF YOU, TOO! I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOU!"

"OH, WHAT A COINCIDENCE! BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU EITHER!"

Their eyes aching with the weight of unshed tears. The red spider webs opaquing the white and taunting the coasts of their green and blue-grey oceans.

"I don't fucking know what we're doing together then!"

"And you think _I_ do?! You're the one who's fucking needy here!"

"ME?! You just did a fucking scandal because I went with a friend!"

"As if you don't do the same when I'm with Theo or Blaise!"

"Theo's a bloody player! HOW THE FUCK you don't want me to think you're shagging someone else when you're with them?!"

"All the friends you have are men if you haven't noticed! And I WOULDN'T fucking shag someone else because I'd think of YOU!"

"What the fuck's wrong with most of my friends being men?! YOU FUCKING MISOGYNISTIC!"

"So you want me to talk about fourth year?! The fucking Slytherin whore at Hogwarts! WHAT A TITLE! YOU FUCKING CUNT!"

"Perhaps I'm a whore but at least I'm not crying because my daddy isn't proud of me! AND IF I'M A CUNT THEN YOU'RE A FUCKING TWAT!"

Tears sliding down their cheeks. Burning their skins and provoking a hollow ache in their beings.

"You know what?! You want to leave?! FUCKING FANTASTIC! MY LIFE WAS PRETTY AMAZING WITHOUT YOU!"

"FINE! WE DON'T WORK TOGETHER ANYWAYS! You're just a piece of shite who wants to control everything that fucking moves!"

"GOOD YOU NOTICED WE DON'T WORK! And, ow, I hurt you?! You're the one having an empire of ice around her making everyone scared!"

"LOOK WHO FUCKING TALKS ABOUT IT! The one hiding in his room every time something bad happens to him!"

"Talks the one who fucking tried to cut herself months ago!"

"I HATE YOU!"

"I HATE YOU, TOO!"

She's crying. He's crying. Not sobbing. Crying.

"FUCK THIS! I'm getting out of the fucking room then!"

"FINE! FUCK US AND THIS SHITE THEN! Don't fucking look back!"

And she wipes her angrily tears roughly. Throws a picture of them at the ground trying to end with the memories that hunt her as she grabs her shoes and wand before her hand makes contact with the doorknob.

He closes his eyes when he hears the doorknob being turned, clenching his jaw and running his fingers through his hair before slamming the wall with his hand's palm.

She cannot breathe.

He can't either.

The air is leaving them.

Their lungs burn and the agony is unbearable. It hurts so much that starts killing them.

A monster whacking them with is viscous whip-like tentacles, making sores on their skins, leaving them exposed. Tearing them apart with its sharp teeth that nips down their spines. Their heartbeats are agonising. The tears burn. Their bodies hurt.

Everything is happening slowly.

And when she's about to open the door, feels the monster injecting its venom that sets on fire all her insides.

She can't _breathe_.

Her eyes close shut and she begs for her eyes not to betray her.

He has his forehead against the wall and is containing his sobs making them die against the deepest part of his throat. Hands supported on the wall too.

The air fails him making a low and ragged gasp escapes his lips.

He hears the door being open completely.

And his hand grabs her wrist.

She looks back at him before surrounding his neck with her arms.

His body bends over because of her height and his hands wrap her tiny waist tightly. She's holding him tight too, standing on tiptoes.

His left-hand belts beneath her and lifts her as if she was a feather, her legs encircle his waist instinctively. His other hand is holding her back as hers make their way to his cheeks and her lips to his own.

"I don't hate you," he breathes still making his eyes rain.

"I don't either," she whispers pressing their foreheads. "I won't go anywhere again."

He nods before slating his lips over hers again, making them forget everything that happened moments ago.

Because sometimes is better to forget. To let everything fade away with the wind. It numbs us. Happily. We become numb. Don't want to feel. Don't want to see. We use our façade.

We circumvent the problem. Attempt to shove the lid and ignore it.

However, there are always people who open our wounds one more time. Who tries to untie the blindfold. To make us see the problem we didn't want to. To make us see in general.

But sometimes they do it wrong. They harm us trying to make us comprehend. Why? Because they let their feelings colonise them.

And we get scared. Because we feel attacked. We know what's happening and that they're mistaken. We don't want to listen because they're so erroneous.

When her book falls because she was holding it wrong, someone's already crouching down to lift it.

"Hey, Lee," she sighs grabbing the book again. "What are you doing here?"

The twins and Lhu were at Hogsmeade shopping, so it was weird for him to be wandering alone in the dungeons' hallway willingly. He wasn't very fond of them.

"I was looking for you," he said. "I want to talk to you about something."

"Could it be tomorrow if it isn't urgent?" she asked pressing the book against her chest. "I'm looking for Draco."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he said scratching the back of his head. "Are you okay, Leev?"

She frowns smiling. "Why I wouldn't be?"

"I think everyone has heard you two fight pretty loudly and the Daily Prophet's articles say some things..."

"Skeeter doesn't know what to write anymore," she rolled her eyes. "Everything's fine, Lee, we have talked about it, nothing's happening."

"Leev— I—" he huffed again. "I've noticed some behaviours in you, that's why I was asking if everything was fine."

"Well, everything is," she said again. "All couples fight, Lee, even George and Lhu do it."

"I'm just saying you two fight _too much_ ," he says. "Haven't you think about... A break maybe?"

" _What?_ "

She's outraged. How dare he to say something like that?

"He sometimes hurts you, Leev," he sighs. "Even if you say it was accidentally and you did the same," his finger pointed her arm. "Those are his fingers."

"Yes, I know," her frown's deeper. "But it wasn't for that. This was because—"

"Why do you justify him hurting you?" he frowns. "Leev... If he's doing something to y—"

"Are you insinuating he hits me?" and she can't believe it. "D'you— do you think I'm that stupid? D'you think I would let him—" her head shakes and her smile is bitter. "Unbelievable," she huffs.

"I'm not saying you are stupid—"

"That you two aren't mates like him and Fred, doesn't mean you have the right to accuse him of such thing."

"I'm not accusing him, I'm just asking—"

"Oh, so you _ask_ Lhu about the same too?" her eyebrows jolt up. "Or it's just me? Because he's a Slytherin?"

"No, Leev, it isn't—" he huffs. "It isn't normal that you appear with bruises every day," his arms crossed.

She breathes out a laugh. He really thinks she's that stupid. "How about you not talking about my relationship, Lee?" she frowns.

"It isn't healthy that _thing_ you two have," he says. "Your yells are heard from the hallway."

"So?"

"Leev, he doesn't even let you approach other wizards — I—" his head shakes in disapproval. "And every time someone tries to touch you, you jump or get scared."

She shakes her head. Tries to understand him but can't. That wasn't the motive and he is accusing Draco of something she does too.

She has reacted that way for years. Not just since Draco and she had started being a something. That he'd just noticed didn't mean he could blame it on Draco.

"You have friends who can help you and if he does something, nobody's going—"

"Goodbye," she breaths out another bitter laugh turning to leave before he grabs her arm. She twisted to get off.

"Leev, just listen to me, please," she frowns again. Is angry. "A break isn't the end. You need help. That's all. He can't treat you like that just because you're his witch. Help is there for you—"

"Are you calling me mental?" she laughs sarcastically again.

"No, Leev," he huffs before grabbing her shoulders to shake her lightly. "React, Leev, he doesn't treat you well. He _hurts_ you! You can't let him do that!"

"Let go of me," she squirms. "He _isn't_ doing anything! Lee!" she cries.

"His behaviour isn't right, Leev, he's manipulating you — if something's happening you can tell me," and his hands grab her wrists so tightly that it hurts. "If he's hurting you in some way or threatening with something — Leev, you can trust me—"

She shrieks and cries again. It really hurts.

"—yells at you as if you were his puppy," and he hasn't realised she has started to shed tears. "I've seen the way he grabs you and treats you! Leev, you can't let him consume you like that—"

"Let me go!" she cries. "You're hurting me! He isn't doing anything!"

"I— Leev, listen to me, I can help you, yeah? If he—"

" _Draco!_ "

And she'so scared. To many hands on her. He was raising his voice.

The blond appears in a second.

He's always there to save her.

"Leev, this isn't okay," Lee says trying to hold her still while she squirms and shrieks lowly.

"What's wrong with you? Stop touching her," Draco's hand pushes Lee away and Leevanna hides behind him. "You're _scaring_ her, Jordan."

"I'm not the one leaving bruises over her," his eyes narrowed as his hand attempts to grab her.

Draco winces and blinks. "What?" he frowns. "What did you say?"

"Get me out," Leevanna murmurs holding Draco's arm tightly. He nods still frowning before circling her waist delicately heading towards the common room entrance.

"Someone's hurting you, love?" he whispers against her hair once both are on the couch.

"No," she answers sincerely. "He was scaring me," she whispers leaning her head on his lap.

"Did he do something to you?"

She shook her head, relaxing at the sensation of his fingers caressing her hair. "He said you were hurting me."

His movement stopped.

"What?"

"Barking mad is he," she huffed. "Could you read to me?"

"Anything you want," he sighed caressing her hair again.

And she wonders if she looks like her mum.

If she became her at some point. If the promise she made to herself years ago has been broken and now there's no way to get out.

But it isn't possible. Draco cares about her, he isn't like her father. He doesn't abuse her in any kind of way.

Lee's definitely barking mad.

The rest of the week, after classes, Snape taught his goddaughter Legilimens and Occlumency. He constantly asked her what she wanted to use those spells for, but she always refused to answer.

The truth was that she wanted to perfection that skill because she knew she could understand Draco's feelings in a better way. They could simply be silent and she would know how he felt — just like how he did with her.

Things were pretty fine between the two. Their fights last much less and are becoming more stupid — just like before. They're also being cautious about where they do it and in front of who. To avoid inconveniences.

Lately, Fred, George and Lee didn't spend much time with her and Lhu, they usually disappeared for hours and appeared out of nowhere and Leevanna had a horrible feeling about that. She knew she wasn't the best friend of all — but — had they got bored of her already? Had she done something wrong or bad? Were they mad about what had happened?

She'd already forgotten about it. She didn't take it importance.

But is a bit concerned and has tried to ask multiple times now but always holds it back.

She will give them come to her and tell her by themselves — even if she hates secrets. It shouldn't be something so serious. Perhaps she's just seeing things where they aren't and making a mountain of a molehill.

They were her friends, they could trust her with whatever.

But the unquiet kind of break she was having had reached its end.

Without caring where or who, they were fighting in a hallway.

"This isn't the moment."

"I'm just saying it's not fair that you can get mad when I go out but if you do it, I can't say anything."

"You went out for _two_ hours without even telling me for what," he says. "I did it for five minutes."

Her brown raised. "So I need to tell you with who and for what but you don't?" he rolled her eyes.

"I didn't even cross the bloody door, Vaughan," his jaw starts clenching. "And isn't it obvious with who?"

"No it isn't," she squirmed at his attempt to grab her arm to walk and crossed her arms.

"I'm not doing this with you again," he huffed grabbing her elbow to start walking but she resisted. "I'm tired of it."

"It isn't fair you can go out with a bunch of whores but I can't see a friend," her eyes narrowed and cheeks rosy from rage. She's pretty sure she looks like a tomato.

"Leevanna!" he whispers before looking at his sides if somebody heard.

"What?"

Her eyebrows raised innocently. As if she hadn't implicated he's deceiving her every time he goes out with his friends.

"I'm not shagging someone else but you," he muttered close to her face, "so calm the fuck down."

"I don't want to," her eyes narrow at him. She tries to walk away, but his hand grabs her wrist tightly making her face him once more. Her attempt to get off is in vain due to his strength and she's about to start faking her tears to make him feel guilty when a voice interrupts.

" _Mr Malfoy._ "

Minerva McGonagall's voice made both turn their heads at her and him to release her.

"Could you please follow me to the headmaster's office?"

Both look at each other one more time before he nods to start walking in her direction.

"Something wrong?" he frowns.

"I hope not," she says drifting her eyes from him to Leevanna. "You too, Miss Vaughan," and the green-eyed hurry to reach them and walk by his side. " _Cockroach cluster_."

Once the professor has said the password, the three wait two seconds to start climbing the stairs while Leevanna thinks that's the most absurd password in the world. When they're already inside, both teenagers take seats on the chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"So?" asks Draco crossing his arms. Leevanna looks at her side finding Severus and Madam Pomfrey.

"It has come to my attention you two are fighting more frequently," starts the headmaster.

Draco's eyebrows jolted up. "Haven't we always?"

"Ah, yes, yes," says Dumbledore standing up to start pacing. "But there's a serious accusation going around, respecting your behaviour. Specially, Mr Malfoy's."

"Ah, I understand now," Leevanna twirled her tongue against her inner cheek breathing out a sarcastic laugh. "What has Lee told you?"

Minerva turned to look at her. "How do you know Mr Jordan has to do with this?" Leevanna sneered once more before turning to look at Severus, who nodded as if he read her mind.

"Because he intercepted me the dungeons' hallways claiming Malfoy's hitting me," she answered calmly. "Left this as a present," her sleeves went down a bit showing the faint red marks.

"And his accusations are true?" asked Dumbledore remaining neutral.

"Of course _not_ ," Draco frowned shaking his head. "I would _never_ hurt her, I was educated better than that, thank you."

"Don't doubt that, Mr Malfoy," said Minerva. "But the behaviour I saw moments ago says many things," Draco winced and blinked. "So, please, Leevanna, could you remove your robes and sleeves?"

"I—" she chuckled closing her eyes before look at her godfather. He holds her gaze as a way to tell her everything would be fine. She sighed and did what was indicated.

First, it was nothing.

Then Minerva flicked her wand to remove the Glamour spell she'd used.

Hand marks on her neck. Still fresh. Finger marks on her arms and some other little purple marks.

"This has an explanation," she hurries before anyone could talk. She turned to look at Severus. "And if you're to blame him, then blame me, too — he has my nails on his back and arms."

"Is that true, young Malfoy?"

"Want to see, headmaster?" he sneered.

"Draco," warned Severus making the boy roll his eyes and raise his hands in surrender.

"Severus," she called making him turn. "Tell them," she said. "I'm not that stupid."

"It's true," he sighed. "Leevanna has a past with this, she wouldn't let Draco touch her like that."

"This says otherwise, Severus," says Minerva before looking at Dumbledore, who nodded and she flicked her wand again making appear a kind of shield across the room.

On one side was Draco, Severus and Dumbledore, on the other one was Leevanna, Pomfrey and McGonagall.

And Leevanna is screaming.

" _Don't_ touch me!" she shrieks when Pomfrey makes her attempt to grab her. "If you step any closer, I'll fucking stab you!"

"Leev, lower the quill," says Pomfrey softly. Leevanna tightens the large silver quill still pointing it to both witches.

"We need you to remove your blouse, Leev—"

" _No!_ " she yells. "Don't approach me or I'll—"

And she jumps scared when Minerva flicks her wand removing the quill from her hands. Tries to run, but the professor has sat her down while holding her arms.

"Let go off me!" she screams again. Tears running down her cheeks. She's squirming, fighting.

And the professor hasn't thought about another way but use Incarcerous to bound her wrist to the table.

She screams again. Is so terrified.

"Leevy, please," said Pomfrey not having another way but using her wand to remove the blouse. "We just want to see—"

"Don't touch me!" she yells crying and squirming. "He _isn't_ hurting me! Severus!"

"Merlin, Leev, what is this?" Pomfrey asks examining the bruises on her arm.

"My friends were teaching me Quidditch!" she yelled. "I fell off my broomstick and he held me before I hurt myself! He fucking _saved_ me!"

"Holding your neck?" asked Minerva seeing the large hand marks.

"My arm!" she growled. "Those are from other things!"

Pomfrey's eyes are on the diagnostic. She'd no broken bones or other bruises apart from the visible ones. "Leev, we just want to comprehend—"

"Haven't you ever have sex?! Merlin's sake with you!" she cried still fighting for Minerva to release her. "LET ME GO!" she gasps. "DRACO!"

"The sexual intercourse shouldn't be this way," said McGonagall holding Leevanan's cheeks softly. "Leevy, please cooperate—"

"And why d'you fucking care how I bloody fuck?!" she yelled. " _My_ fucking body! _My_ fucking life!"

"Please—"

" _NO!_ "

On the other side, Draco is losing his patience and has started to slam the shield to reach his witch. Severus is trying to take it down with magic.

"She doesn't like being touched!" Draco yelled towards the Headmaster. "They're _scaring_ her!"

"They just want to help—"

" _BULLSHIT!_ " he growled. "That's not the fucking way!"

"Language, Mr—"

"I don't _FUCKING_ care!" he yelled again. "Use fucking Legilimency on me if you fucking want! She's fucking telling the fucking truth!"

"Headmaster," tries Severus seeing Draco slam the shield once more, "she's screaming."

Dumbledore remained silent for a second.

"Do fucking something!" yelled Draco to Severus. Tears running down his cheeks. "I'm supposed to protect her!"

"I _know_ ," said Severus grabbing his shoulders seeing him wipe his tears. "Calm down, Draco."

Draco nodded and closed his eyes hearing her scream again. Calling his name.

"Just use fucking Legilimency, for Salazar's sake!" he yelled again throwing the chair by his side with his arm.

She keeps screaming. _Calling him._

And he can't do fucking anything to be there.

The seconds pass. She's counting numbers. Resting and dividing them. Trying not to think there are hands over her.

_Minus seven. One hundred sixty-two. Divided by two. Eighty-one._

_Minus seven. Two hundred forty-three. Dived by eighty-two. Three._

Her screaming has stopped, she's just crying now. While Madam Pomfrey heals her bruises to make them disappear. To make her 'clean' again.

She isn't dirty. She just had some bruises. Marks she somehow likes.

Her fingers would pass over them while she remembers the night before. Smiling. Closing her eyes. Seeing the pretty necklace around her neck over her pale skin.

Now she has no memories. They didn't even ask if she wanted them to erase the marks.

They never ask.

Because she isn't worth to ask, isn't she? Nobody never asks. She doesn't count. Doesn't have an opinion.

_"You don't deserve anything good."_

They could just have asked.

When the shield disappears, Minerva frees Leevanna's wrists and she runs towards Severus without caring she still doesn't have her blouse on.

He hugs her tightly and conjures a cloak to cover her up. Once he wipes her tears, she runs towards Draco and he leaves kisses on her forehand closing his eyes tightly.

His arms are around all her while hers are around his neck. She keeps crying. "Is okay, is okay," he whispers. "Nobody will hurt you."

"Those bruises—"

"We used Legilimency, she's telling the truth, both are," Severus cut her off coldly. "And that wasn't the bloody way."

"She wasn't cooperating—"

"You fucking _tied_ her, Minerva!" and he really tried not to raise his voice — or use that vocabulary. "And better go talk with your student and tell him to start stop spreading lies before _I_ do."

"Severus," the professor blinked, "are you — are you threatening me—"

"I'm _warning_ you, Minerva," he said curtly. "You two," he turned to look at both teenagers, "get out and classes dismissed. And take care of her."

Draco nodded and used his robes to cover Leevanna even more under the attentive gaze of Dumbledore. Inside the office, the three adults continue talking, the headmaster just started at the two teenagers walking away before finally directing his attention to the professors.

Outside, she keeps sobbing.

"It's okay, I'm here," he whispered against her hair as his arm embraces her even more possessively and protectively.

They continue walking for other two seconds when voices approaching them made him raise his head.

"Salazar, are you two alright?" asked Daphne desperately. Her eyes caught Leevanna, who clung even more to Draco and hid her face. "Jordan said—"

"We're fine," he answered curtly. And then his eyes caught Jordan walking next to the twins and Lhu.

The brunette approached to them running. "God's sake, Leev are you alright?"

And when her fingers are about to touch his Leevanna, he puts his arm on the middle before embracing her again. " _Don't fucking_ touch her."

Lhu blinked and gave two steps back.

Jordan made eye-contact with him.

Not good idea.

Draco wants to kill him. Azkaban would be a bloody paradise if he just gets to stab a bloody dagger in the fucking pansy's heart.

In his mind starts reproducing the ways of how he could kill the twat.

Daggers.

 _Accidental_ poisoning.

Beating the fucker's face until the bloody imbecile was dead.

Choke the wuss for hours until his face turned blue and purple.

Slice the tosser with his rapier — or with a sword.

Use the fucking Cruciatus Curse one fucking hundred times.

The Killing Curse didn't even cross his mind. That was too easy. Without pain. Too fast also.

That loathsome pansy deserved a slow and painful death for wanting to separate him from his Leevanna. For hurting his witch.

At this point he doesn't even care about the other ones — wizards who could say obscenities at her and stare at her while she walks. Men who wouldn't think twice in using a lust potion or Amortentia. Someone who could kidnap her or something.

He just cares about _one_.

He's really planing on killing him.

"Mate, mate, what happened?" asked Fred catching his attention.

"Ask that to your fucking friend," he spit between teeth nodding at Jordan.

"Mr Jordan," the voice of McGonagall made everyone but the couple to look at her, "please follow me."

And Draco keeps walking.

Because if he doesn't keep bloody walking, he's going to fucking beat the shite out of that motherfucker until he fucking kills him.

༄

On Tuesday afternoon, the 29th of October, Leevanna was in Severus Snape's classroom to continue practising her skills in Legilimency. It was in her blood and she was able to do it sometimes, but she wanted to perfection it the most she could.

She's a _perfectionist_.

When she was younger, she remembers that her Psycho Healer had said something about a mild Obsessive-compulsive disorder.

That would be the explanation of why she was so cautious with her stuff and things in general.

The people had always to tell her the exact amount of something. The hour, a height, a quantity. She loves numbers for that reason.

If her stuff was tidy and clean, she'd take hours making sure everything was right in its place. Nobody could approach any of her things or she would start screaming.

It was the same if her room was a mess. Her disorder had an order. She knew exactly where she had put something and how to find it. If anyone touched something or moved it to clean the space, she would also scream.

Leevanna likes to scream.

She likes how it sores her throat.

"I know you're tired... _But_... You need to focus, Leevy," the professor told her in a serious but calm tone by rolling his eyes watching her do a whim.

"Try on me," she said sighing lowering her wand without really realising what that meant.

"I'll try to penetrate your mind, focus," and while she was just beginning to raise her wand, he was already inside her mind: Draco and she in his room arguing and throwing things, then they kissed roughly while she rolled her legs around his waist with her hands on his hair. Both in bed, a tie and a bandage, moans, lust. "I _definitely_ didn't want to see that," he said with chills travelling his body.

"Sex with him s'awesome, you should tr—"

" _Leevanna!_ "

"Okay, sorry," and without warning, she'd now penetrated her godfather's mind: Lily and him as children, The Marauders and— "And I didn't want to see _that_ either," Snape rolled his eyes, gently hitting her with his hand behind her head smiling. "You really did that? I mean..."

"I'm not talking with you about—"

"I'm not judging you but — the place and all the things... Dammit, Severus, who would've had imagined that—" he gave her another soft blow on her head interrupting her as she chuckled.

"You and Draco..." said Severus. "You're taking care of yourself, right?"

"Are we going to have _the chat_?" she raised an eyebrow playfully. He looked at her poorly. "Yes, I'm taking care of myself," she laughed. "Anything else? Any advice you want?"

"Leevanna!" and she laughed harder.

"What?" she sneered. He rolled his eyes. She snorted supporting her hands on her knees. "It's so bloody funny — I — I-I'm sorry," she laughed harder.

"Good you enjoy laughing at my expense," Severus looked at her poorly as she tried to calm herself down. "You finished?"

"Yeah," she smiled before taking a deep breath. "I haven't laughed like this for days."

"About that," he sighed. "How are you?"

" _I am_ ," she answered.

"Leevanna."

"I am, Severus, just that, I am," she shrugs sighing. "I'm fine at a certain point and well — I'm not sad but yeah, you understand," he nodded.

It had already passed a couple of days since the incident at Dumbledore's office due to the accusations Lee Jordan had made against Draco.

That day, after arriving at their room, Leevanna'd had a sort of anxiety crisis. Draco had to hear her cry for hours while calming her breathing and trying not to lose his nerve also.

The thought of being separated from Draco had screwed Leevanna's brain and she'd been afraid of the knocking on the door when Severus went to their room. She'd started screaming and imploring everything was fine and nobody was hurting her.

Draco had lost it.

He'd been hidden in a corner of the room trying to calm his breathing. When Leevanna finally stopped screaming, he'd been able to finally look up.

It had been horrific for both of them.

The next day had been Saturday, for their luck, so both of them stayed in their room as a way to calm things a bit. Yesterday had been their return.

Things were fine with the twins and everyone from their Slytherin friends. Lee was still conserving distance — little _warning_ on Severus' part.

"Have you talked with him?" he asked while accommodating his things.

"A bit," she said. "He apologised and that," a sigh left her lips.

"Things with Minerva and Pomfrey?"

"Everything alright, they smile at me," she answered sincerely. "I think everything's fine, at least for this moment."

Severus nodded.

Yeah, for that tiny, little moment, everything was kind of alright.

A few moments later she left the room eating a piece of chocolate her professor had given her just to get her out of there at once and not make more questions about what she'd seen.

She found Lee in the hallway. She'd already forgotten his words — or decided it was the best to do. Is trying also to not hold grudges.

"Ayo, Lee!" She said walking until she reached the boy's side.

"Leev," he greeted. "Everything alright between us?"

"Yeah, everything alright," she sighed. "Where are you going?" she asked biting a piece of her candy. "I miss our pranks, I barely see you guys now."

"I'd like to tell you... But, unfortunately, I can't," he said smiling at her.

"Are you going to shag with Daphne?" she frowned confused before biting her candy again. If he was going to do that, he shouldn't be keeping it to himself, right? They were friends and could talk about it as normal ones do.

Lee laughed and denied with his head.

Then she simply entered his mind without prior notice, she didn't like any type of secrets: 'Dumbledore's Army', Fred and George, Luna, other students, wands, spells and some memories he had with her and Lhu and some other things... _feelings_.

"Godric's sake, Leevanna!" He said surprised and scared at the same time seeing the girl stay frozen in her place trying to process what she just saw. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. How did you do that? What the hell did you do? That's advanced magic — what the fuck—" he said passing a hand through his face knowing that she shouldn't find out. What the fuck he was going to do now? "You — You weren't supposed to see that... You weren't supposed to know... _Fuck_."

But she isn't listening. The words are muffled.

"I... I thought you guys _trusted_ me..." she said in a whisper with a broken voice, but she quickly rebuilt and denied with her head. She didn't even care about the other thing. "Go well... _Jordan_ ," she turned around and started walking away.

"No! Leev! Wait—" he tried to stop her grabbing her wrist.

"Calm down, I'm not going to tell anyone. _I am_ loyal to those I consider friends, I'm a Slytherin after all," she coldly interrupted with some anger. "And don't fucking touch me," she said between teeth letting go of the grip and leaving the place.

The following days of that week, the twins and Lee were trying to earn Leevanna's forgiveness above all things — and that was something that wasn't easy to get.

As she'd told Lee, she hadn't said anyone anything, not even Lhu, and that made her angry. She couldn't see her next to George knowing that he hid such a thing from her. She hadn't said it to Draco either, and she that was eating her from the inside because she was hiding valuable information from him.

She's frustrated.

And when she's frustrated, she isn't very nice.

"What's wrong with you?" he frowned when she slammed the door close after returning from the bathroom.

" _Nothing_ ," she answered curtly and climbing the bed to sit on it.

"Well, then don't slam the bloody door," he rolled his eyes leaving a couple of his rings on the desk just leaving the Slytherin one next to the one she gave him.

The tiny noise one of them made when it fell, made her huff loudly.

"Stop making fucking noise!" she growled.

"Stop being such a bitch."

Her gaze fixed on his eyes. Her expression wasn't very friendly and her cheeks were starting to turn rosy while her eyes narrowed.

Suddenly a book flew to him.

Fortunately, it didn't hit him.

"Could you care to tell me what the fuck's wrong with you?!" his head turned from the fallen book to her and vice-versa.

"Nothing!" she yelled exasperated.

"Then stop throwing fucking things and behaving like a fucking child!"

"If you don't fucking like my conduct then fucking go to the fucking party!" she screamed. "Everyone does it anyway! Nobody wants to be with me!"

And he frowns.

Well, this isn't his fault.

"Vaughan, what—"

"Shut up!" she cried. "Fucking leave! Leave like everyone! Shag with some random witch because every—fucking—one seems to love fucking betraying me!"

He frowns even more.

Now she's shedding tears uncontrollably.

Well, _fuck_.

"Who the fuck made you cry?" he frowned seeing her wipe her little tears before shaking her head.

"It has no importance," she answered seeing him unbutton his white school shirt. "I'm a-a crybaby tha-that's all."

"Aren't you going to tell me who hurt my Leevy?" he muttered approaching the bed. She shook her head again before blinking several times trying not to shed more tears. "Please, love," he says supporting his hands on the bed before leaving a kiss on her cheek, "tell me."

She can't. Knows Draco would snitch to Umbridge and she has promised she won't say a single thing.

But she feels so _betrayed_.

Didn't her friends trust her anymore? Was she a bad friend? Had she done something for them to keep secrets? Did they think she would be such a bitch and snitch?

Leevanna was the most loyal person in the entire bloody world. She wouldn't dare to let a secret slip her lips.

She knew thousands. From almost all Hogwarts — except Gryffindor. Curiously the persons always came to her to ask for advice or even gossip and she'd never let escape a single word from those conversations.

Trust was the most important thing for Leevanna.

And her friends didn't trust her.

Who she could trust if those persons weren't her closest circle?

She wonders in what moment she allowed her heart to expand and let the others see it full colour.

Draco left another kiss on her cheek at the same time his right hand found the edge of her jaw. His silver and cold rings caressing her skin.

"You can trust me," he whispered in her ear.

And she decides that Draco is the only person who wouldn't betray her.

He would keep her and her heart safe. Out of the cruel word and its danger.

"They lied to me," and a low sob accompanied her closed eyes.

"Who lied to you?" he frowned against her cheek before leaving another kiss.

"T-They don't trust me," she feels pathetic for crying at such nonsense. What was this? Kindergarten? The big boys hadn't wanted to play with her and now she was crying?

_Pathetic_.

But she can't help and surround Draco's neck with her arms.

"Do you want me to make them go away from you?" he asked hearing her low sobs against his ear. She nodded. "Could you tell me what they did to you?" her embrace became tighter as her head shook.

"Call me pretty names," she whispered feeling her heart ache at the winds of mistrust and lies floating.

And maybe it could be that they had fought just some minutes ago — though it wasn't really it — but he was her only salvation.

He sighed. "Nobody will hurt you, love," he said. "You understand me? You're _my_ witch, love, _mine_ ," she closed her eyes tightly and her hands made fists. "Okay?" she nodded.

She hated keeping secrets.

She wondered why they hadn't told her, they were supposed to be friends. Yes, she was in Slytherin — and she was beyond proud to be part of that family — and didn't get along very well with most Gryffindors, but if they needed help she was willing to give it, they knew that she knew more spells than any other student, she could help them with whatever they were doing. She didn't care if it was forbidden or not, she really was willing to help.

She could learn to get along with other people.

And she feels as if she was a crystal.

 _Fragile_.


	17. Wet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: drug usage and violence.

Her eyes narrowed when she saw George leaving a kiss on Lhu's forehead a few metres away from her position in the hallway.

Lee and Fred, who stopped their chat when they noticed the green-eyed's presence, looked at each other before giving a few steps towards her.

She held her books tightly against her chest and turned her head to look at Draco, who came in her direction looking at the Gryffindors before eyeing his girlfriend.

"I would like to leave," she said looking at him.

"D'you want me to buy you more sugar quills?" he asked passing an arm around her to then leave a kiss on her temple before starting to walk towards the library to study. She nodded.

In the path, her eyes crossed with Potter's. Her anger grew.

Her friends didn't trust her for a bloody bloke who was being manipulated by a headmaster who didn't even look at him?

_Ha! La vita è bella._

Stupid — whatever thing that 'Dumbledore Army' was.

Why it always had to be Potter?

Exactly why Potter has to teach? Just because he knew how to "fight" The Dark Lord? Had he actually fought him? Did he knew what it was practically to live with him and feel that panic to have him nearby? What it feels when he caresses your cheek with that rotten smile he has?How every nerve on your body bristled when he gave you that look with his red eyes as if he was waiting for something or _you_? Did he know what was like to have to hide in his room with the fear of being marked with a mark that you would've to had tattooed in his skin every day?

No, he _didn't._

Betrayal is colour brown. Like dirt. It stains your face, leaves it filthy, full of bacterias and germs that can kill you. As a number it could be 17, theone exemplifies a person, the seven would be another with a dagger. The second person stabs the first one in the back and watches it bleed until the first person dies.

She keeps feeling that way.

Dirt being thrown at her face. Seeing seventeens all over the places she looks.

But now isn't only her who feels that way.

"Because it isn't like that!"

"Then tell me how's it!"

"They're our friends!"

"Okay, _and_?!" she opens her mouth only to shut it. "You spent days fucking refusing to even look at them and you're now telling that everything's fine?"

"They made a mistake—"

"A mistake that kept you crying day and night," and she knows he's right. He's just trying to protect her. "And you didn't even tell me what was it."

"I _can't_ tell you!" huffs when her eyes begin to burn. "I promised Lee I wouldn't say _anything_ —"

His eyebrows jolt up and she knows she's just made it worse.

"Don't start because—"

"No, I wasn't," he shrugs. "It just seems funny _my_ witch's doing promises to people who hurt her."

"As if you weren't one of those people!"

Her eyes close and the tears fall while her hand passes through her hair to push it back. She didn't mean to say it.

"We have the answer to that, don't we?" his arms are crossed over his chest. He's looking at her with a blank expression when she looks up.

" _Don't_ —" she says pointing him. "Don't say that because—"

"But it's the only option, isn't it?" she shakes her head at his words.

"It _isn't_ , because—"

"Because _what_?" he frowns. Is tired. "Because I'm the only person who holds back your whims? Because you have a reputation to keep? Because you don't want to be alone? Because—"

"Because you're _mine_!" she yells. "You're mine and I'm yours! That's why! I _need_ you! And you _need me_!

"Then tell me the mistake the twins and Jordan made to kept you in blank for days!"

"I _can't_!"

"That's the problem," tears making weight. "You _don't_ trust me."

"I trust you!"

"You don't!"

"What do you want me to do to demonstrate you that I _do_ trust you?!"

"I want you to tell me!" and he's so tired of yelling. "I want you to tell me because I don't fucking know if I need to be your teddy bear again! Because one day you say one thing and the next other one! Because you make promises to people that _isn't_ me! You keep secrets from _me_!"

"I CANNOT TELL YOU!"

She gasps. Has let the bomb explode. _Again_.

"Friends make promises! And I _promised_ I wouldn't do it!" her face is rosy. "And — And I'm sorry I keep things from you! But I cannot tell you! Okay?! Even if _I want_ to!"

His brows keep being frowned. Eyes looking for a sparkle of lie. But she isn't lying.

She can't tell him.

"So, _please_ , can you trust me when I say it won't happen again?" she huffs. "They aren't going to but if you don't want to talk to them I can—"

" _No_."

"What?"

"No, _Leevanna_ ," he says. Voice firm — curtly. "I _don't_ believe you."

Her eyes open and she has to blink several times. It feels as if the Hogwarts' Express just hit her.

"Y-You _what_?"

"I don't because I know you're going to appear one day crying because somebody hurt you," he says. "And I'm going to be the one you use to wipe your tears, so _no_ , I _don't_ believe you."

"Malfoy—"

"You have to understand they're Gryffindors, they _don't_ trust you for instinct," cuts her off. Doesn't want to hear. "They're going to continue keeping things from you, because you're a Slytherin, they _don't_ trust you. They _judge_ you," he continues. "And don't come to me with _but Lhu_ , because she doesn't know anything either. You. Continue. Being. The. _Enemy_."

"You're _wrong_ —"

"Oh, yeah? And then why they didn't tell you anything? — Whatever it is," he frowns. Her mouth open and shuts. "See?"

And she's in blank.

In an internal battle with her thoughts. Because he's got a point. A valid one.

When he grabs his cloak and wand, she gets out from her little transe.

"Wha— Where are you going?"

"I'm tired, Vaughan," he says keeping his wand in his internal pocket. "I'm going somewhere somebody isn't believing Gryffindors accept Slytherins or doesn't trust me, because I'm tired of you crying."

And he walks out of the door.

"Malfoy!"

She's descending the stairs so quickly that almost falls. But doesn't care.

" _Malfoy!_ "

He ignores her — doesn't want to listen. There's only a few people in the Slytherin Common Room. Most of the students are in class. She keeps calling his surname. He doesn't stop walking.

" _Stop!_ Malfoy! Where are you going?!" her hand grabs his arm and makes him turn, but he gets off it with a twist.

"I already told you," he says before his head turns to the people who now is looking at them. "Oh, look. You have company."

And he walks away.

She grabs his arm again.

"Y-You can't — you _can't_ leave me," her eyes red of tears. "You're _mine_ — you can't — end this like that — you _can't_!" she yells, her hands have grabbed the collar of his shirt. "Nobody's going to need you like _I_ do! Y-You are mine! You _need_ me!" she feels as if her throat was tearing apart. "I swear to God, Draco Malfoy, that if you leave me I'll fucking _kill_ myself! I swear! You are mine! _Mine!_ "

He pushed her with one hand before grabbing her chin.

"But you have the right of not trusting me?" his jaw's clenched, muscles tense. "Fucking do whatever you _fucking_ want," his fingers tightened his grip a bit before releasing her rudely, enough to make her head turn. "Maybe I'll find the brunette your father sent, perhaps we found the reason why he did it."

"You wouldn't _dare_ — you don't mean that!"

"Go on, hang out with them," his head nods imperceptibly at the group on the couches. "And maybe you get to _think_ ," his finger points her forehead before getting off her grip to continue walking.

He has class and then Quidditch practice — she doesn't remember that — and he wouldn't dare to cheat on her.

"Cinna—"

"SHUT UP, JORDAN!"

And she goes back to the room they were previously in to take a bath.

Tries to think about the fight. Was he right? Does her friends really don't trust her? Would they keep things from her again? Was she still the enemy?

She doesn't know.

But she trusts him — even if she doesn't want to and wants to gouge his eyes out for yelling at her things he knows hurt. He even mentioned the bloody brunette.

The rest of the evening she spends it in their room with the door locked and a charm that only lets him in. So, when nobody opens the door, she starts throwing daggers at the wall.

It's been hours and he hasn't returned.

She still doesn't remember he wouldn't do it until very late in the night because of Quidditch — if he returns.

The alarm she put frights her and interrupts her silence when it rings announcing dinner time. She can't skip it. Lhu's been strict about it since the last time.

She grabs her wand and her school robes to get out the dorm. At the common room, she avoids being noticed and walks directly to the Great Hall.

She doesn't know if she would see him, but her only plan is finishing eating and go back to wait for him. She's bitting her nails and playing with them due to the anxiety in her body.

Hates when she isn't in control of things.

Her ears are plugged so she doesn't hear any voices until the food appears in front of her.

Green eyes move to seek for a fork when pale-blond catches her attention. He was in front of her. His eyes meet hers.

"You don't like that," she says when his spoon grabs mashed potatoes.

"I like it now," he shrugged taking the spoon to his mouth.

"But you hated them last year," Pansy, who was close, frowned.

"He just does it to contradict me," Leevanna cut her meat before looking up at him.

And, oh, he _does_ hate mashed potatoes — but swallows them anyway.

"Not everything's about you," he bites out. Gaze hard and expression blank.

"Then why d'you listened to me?" her brow raises and her meat meets her tongue at the same time she looks up at him.

"Because you can't keep your mouth shut," her jaw clenches at his words. His eyes glistening with a sheet of amusement.

Eye-contact intensifies.

The five Slytherins look at each other in wait for their friend's response.

"And your brunette doesn't talk?" she scoffs.

"Not much," he shrugs again. "Mouths have different uses, y'know."

Her fist tightens around her fork — which is starting to pierce the table.

"You're not cheating," she says calmly. Her hand grabs a napkin to clean the fork.

"Let's ask Skeeter, shall we?" his voice bitter and her chew is slow.

She swallows. "I apologised for that."

"We were clear I don't believe you anymore, don't we?"

"Malfoy, I _apologised_ —"

"Why the emphasis? Because it's so hard for you admit you're wrong, isn't it, Vaughan?"

"They _do_ trust me."

"Oh, I see you haven't meditated my words."

"It's needn't, because you're _wrong_."

"I am _not_."

"Guess I'm not the only one having trouble with admitting when I'm wrong," she smirks sarcastically.

"At least I _do_ trust my witch and don't make promises to others who aren't her."

"Can we not talk bout it here? I made a—"

"—A promise to other wizard who isn't _me_ and encourages you to keep things away from _me_."

"He doesn't encourage me to _anything_ , and they _do_ trust me."

"And why didn't they tell you, then? Why didn't tell Lhu about whatever—it—is?" she freezes again at his words.

"Tell me about what?"

"Yeah, Vaughan," he smiles sarcastically, "tell her about his wizard keeping secrets."

"Can you just admit you're being dramatic? It isn't your trouble."

"Oh, but it's my trouble when I'm the one who hears you cry," he scoffs bitterly.

"If you didn't want to do it, then you shouldn't have," she bites out. Jaw clenched yet again.

"Yeah, I guess the next time you should ask your other wizard to take care of you," he dedicates her a sarcastic closed-mouth smile.

"I do _not_ have another wizard," every word clipped.

"I. _Don't_. Believe you," he smiles again.

"Can someone explain me what _the fuck_ is happening and what's George hiding from me?" Lhu interrupts. Exasperated. Scared.

"Ask your wizard," Leevanna answers bitterly. Her eyes don't leave Malfoy's. "Perhaps he does trust you, not like mine."

"So we're going to talk about trust now, how hypocritical of you, Vaughan."

"Oh, because you trust me a lot too, don't you, Malfoy?"

"If you have so many problems with me then you can go to your other wizard," and he pushes his plate away from him.

"I _don't_ have—"

"Oh, look, he's behind you to save you from _me_ ," he smiles again before start walking in the exist's direction.

"Is George — are you cheating on me?" Lhu asks turning her body to see the redhead. "I — Is he—"

"I don't know!" Leevanna explodes. Stand up before pushing her plate to start walking away.

༄

"Merlin, I hate that woman," huffed Lhu by brushing her hair. Both girls were getting ready for that day's Quidditch match. "I swear I could use one of the unforgivable curses on her and don't feel bad _at all_."

"I don't want you in Azkaban," Leevanna chuckled. "... _But_... Next time you can poison her food," added the green-eyed spread out on her bed, which made her friend laugh, but her smile left when she saw her admire the ring on her finger with a sad countenance.

_Dependance._

Why she had to be so fucking dependant? She hates it — _him_.

"You two fought again?" Lhu asked her sitting on one side to start putting on mascara.

Leevanna looked at her.

Lhu was so perfect... She's always so happy and laughing or smiling.

She has never asked her though — if the girl was dependant on George or vice-versa.

"Is even something new at this point?" She sighed, standing down to put on her shoes and leave at once. She did not want to be late or talk about the fight. "We're leaving?" Lhu nodded putting on the Slytherin's green scarf and they both went to the playing pitch. Secretly, they were also going to support Gryffindor since the twins were there.

But Lhu was wearing a curious crown-shaped badge just like Leevanna.

Leevanna had forgiven the twins and Lee a few days ago when Lhu had found about the 'army' thing unintentionally after imploring Leevanna to accompany her to follow George thinking that maybe he really was seeing someone else — thing that he'd never do or even think about. But Lhu was a bit insecure because it was her first relationship and she knew that, before her, George and Fred always flirted with a lot of girls. And Leevanna's fight with Malfoy had just messed things up.

Lhu trusted her boyfriend with her all life though, so she'd felt a little stupid and dumb for thinking that. George'd filled her with love and affection after.

Both girls sat in the front row and began to cheer up next to the rest of their house, well, Lhu cheered.

When the teams started going out, Leevanna rolled her eyes in amusement when she heard that some girls from her house bothered her playfully when Malfoy went out of the changing room.

Gryffindor was the only team they had much competition towards, because of the rivalry they had for years trying to demonstrate which house was better in the game. It was quite exciting and fun seeing them fight and push while Gryffindor tried to ignore the teasing comments Slytherin said to distract them.

On the other hand, although they loved the cheerful and lovely Hufflepuffs, the matches were quite easy with them — the last time they played against them, quite a few ended up in the hospital wing for some not-so-serious injures but few broken bones. Then both houses had a little party after, forgetting the game thing. But they had quite good players.

For Ravenclaw's case, even if they had excellent gambling tactics and a lot of very good players, it wasn't enough against the rudeness and aggressiveness of Slytherin — likewise, they were in good terms when it was required and neither house held any grudge. Both houses joked about how the other and themselves had played.

So, knowing that her blond needed to concentrate and pay attention to the tactics, Leevanna put a finger on her lips with a smile to silence them and her eyes deviated to number 7 again.

He didn't look at her since they had fought the night before, but on her face formed a soft closed-mouth smile when she saw him with his serious countenance and his white-silver hair radiating a lot of confidence — like always he played.

He looked so fucking dishy in that uniform of his that she blushed a little helplessly.

He was driving her mental — but she wasn't complaining this time.

And she doesn't remember for what they were fighting anymore.

"Captains shake hands," ordered Madam Hooch, as Angelina and Montague reached each other. Even from the stands, it could be noticed that Montague was trying to crush Angelina's fingers, though she didn't do a single wince. "Mount your brooms..." and all the members of both teams obeyed.

Madame Hooch opened the case full of balls and few seconds after the snitch disappeared, she started the countdown and, when she reached '1', she threw the quaffle into the air.

The players of both teams rose enthusiastically rose in pursuit. Her gaze remained at number 7, who had quickly taken off, flying high in the sky like as if he dominated it.

 _How they can fly so high? I would fill the pitch with vomit_ , and she chuckles hearing her conscience.

"And it's Johnson, Johnson with the Quaffle," begins Lee, "what a player that girl is, I've been saying it for years but she still won't go out with me. Leevanna please don't get jealous—"

"JORDAN!" yelled Professor McGonagall.

Leevanna covered her face with both hands laughing out loud. Lee always made that type of comments.

"Just a fun fact, Professor, adds a bit of interest — And she's ducked Warrington, she's passed Montague, she's — _ouch_ — been hit from behind by a Bludger from Crabbe... Montague catches the Quaffle, Montague heading back up the pitch and — nice Bludger there from George Weasley, that's a Bludger to the head for Montague, he drops the Quaffle, caught by Katie Bell, Katie Bell of Gryffindor reverse passes to Alicia Spinnet and Spinnet's away—"

Lee Jordan's commentary rang through the stadium making several laugh for the Angelina thing, all yelling and booing and singing—

"—Dodges Warrington, avoids a Bludger — close call, Alicia — and the crowd are loving this, just listen to them, what's that they are singing?"

Lee paused to listen the song rose loud, cheerful and clear from the sea of green and silver in the Slytherin section of the stands:

_Weasley cannot save a thing,_

_He cannot block a single ring,_

_That's why Slytherins all sing:_

_Weasley is our King._

Leevanna's gaze passed to the twins, who didn't seem to happy but couldn't help to smile sideways in amusement.

She focusses on number 7 again, his agility surprised her — she hadn't seen him play in a while, and he'd improved so much. He ducked and moved among the players around the field to look for the snitch. The Slytherin house kept cheerfully singing:

_Weasley was born in a bin,_

_He always lets the Quaffle in,_

_Weasley will make sure we win,_

_Weasley is our King._

And it was at that time that a strong dyeing sound echoed, indicating that Gryffindor had scored. Draco ran his hand through his hair and disordered with irritation. But as fast as he saw Potter and Weasel-bee losing focus and Angelina shouting for them to stay in their position, another dyeing sound echoed indicating that Slytherin had tied.

Draco was taking advantage that Potter was angry and disconcerted enough thanks to the funny song he and Leevanna had come up with a few days ago. Pansy had also helped — as a mediator too because both had started to fight over words.

Yeah, Slytherins weren't fair all the time — specifically with Gryffindor.

"Slytherin score!" came Lee's voice amid the cheering and booing from the crowds below. "So that's ten-nil to Slytherin — bad luck, Ron..."

The Slytherins sang even louder hearing Lee's playful comment.

_WEASLEY CANNOT SAVE A THING,_

_HE CANNOT BLOCK A SINGLE RING,_

_THAT'S WHY SLYTHERINS ALL SING:_

_WEASLEY IS OUR KING._

Leevanna jumped on her place next to Lhu and joined the choir.

She usually stayed still and just clapped as she rolled her eyes in amusement because Draco always boasted or made teasingly comments, but that time she wanted to feel the emotion too.

And she knows the pushing and hitting is because he's discharging his rage.

A few seconds later, the bell rang announcing another point for Slytherin.

_WEASLEY IS OUR KING,_

_HE ALWAYS LETS THE QUAFFLE IN,_

_WEASLEY IS OUR KING._

Draco started singing too.

"—And it's Warrington again," bellowed Lee, "who passes to Pucey, Pucey's off past Spinnet, come on now Angelina, you can take him — turns out you can't — but nice Bludger from Fred Weasley, I mean, George Weasley, oh _who fucking cares_ , one of them anyway, and Warrington drops the Quaffle and Katie Bell — _er_ — drops it too — so that's Montague with the Quaffle, Slytherin Captain Montague takes the Quaffle, and he's off up the pitch, come on now Gryffindor, block him!"

As the game progressed, the Slytherin house kept scoring points, they were quite ahead of it, but the problem was that the snitch still didn't appear and it had already been an hour since the game started.

Few drops of cold water started to pour thanks to the climate — no one of the watchers abandoned the game.

"—Pucey throws to Warrington, Warrington to Montague, Montague back to Pucey — Johnson intervenes, Johnson takes the Quaffle, Johnson to Bell, this looks good — I mean _bad_ — Bell's hit by a Bludger from Goyle of Slytherin and it's Pucey in possession again..." Lee's comments made laugh more than anything else.

All the Slytherins kept singing and even some Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs had joined them.

_WEASLEY WAS BORN IN A BIN,_

_HE ALWAYS LETS THE QUAFFLE IN,_

_WEASLEY WILL MAKE SURE WE WIN—_

Leevanna made contact with Draco's eyes, but he looked away quickly. That was fine, she knew that he _needed_ to win. Her hands grabbed the railing with strength and adrenaline when she saw him passing a hand through his hair again with irritation when he saw how Gryffindor made a point.

Another dyeing sound echoed followed by another no more than two seconds later. Both Slytherin points.

It was fascinating for Leevanna to see Draco.

For the way he played, it seemed that he owned the field and the whole sky. There was something so calm and captivating in the way he played that hypnotised everyone — that made her remember one of the many nights in his room with the lights off.

The rain started to pour even heavier, but no one couldn't care less.

_WEASLEY CANNOT SAVE A THING._

_HE CANNOT BLOCK A SINGLE RING—_

Suddenly, Harry lunged down.

Draco, after having been watching his rival closely and, seeing how fury consumed him, took that in his favour and lunged instantly in his persecution, turning and turning among the players to dodge them, reached him in a short time, with impressive speed and agility.

_—THAT'S WHY SLYTHERINS ALL SING:_

_WEASLEY IS OUR KING._

Leevanna tightened her grip on the railing when she saw them. The Snitch skated the foot of one of the hoops of the goal and tore to the other side of the stands; it changes of direction adapted to Malfoy, who was closer.

_HE ALWAYS LET'S THE QUAFFLE IN,_

_WEASLEY WILL MAKE SURE WE WIN—_

Harry pulled his Firebolt, he and Malfoy were now neck and neck... Feet from the ground, Harry raised his broom's right hand, extending to the Snitch... On his right, Malfoy's arm also spread, reaching, groping...

It was over in two breathless, desperate, windswept seconds Draco's fingers closed around the tiny, struggling ball and pulled his broom upward, holding it in his hand as the Slytherin spectators screamed cheering him up... Draco smirked and looked down watching Harry arrogantly.

"Did you like my witch's and I lyrics, Potter?" Draco teased.

Harry didn't answer.

But Draco wasn't over.

"Leevanna Vaughan!! Go get your man, woman!!!" Lee shouted at her through the microphone before McGonagall took it off. She rolled her eyes with a smile denying.

Everyone present began to go to head to the party Slytherin would throw thanks to their victory minutes ago.

"We wanted to write a couple more verses," Draco called. "But we couldn't find rhymes for useless loser — y'know I think I can hear him cry—"

"Leave it, Draco," said Lhu arriving with Leevanna. "We won."

"But I want to have a bit of fun," he smirked playfully before Lhu reproached her with her gaze. "And I'm sure Potter wants to keep listening," he ignored her.

Lee was grabbing Potter's arm, trying to take him away from the blond's sneerings.

"What's it, Potter? Why d'you like them so much?" he continued. "Perhaps you can remember what your mother's house _stank_ like, Potter, and Weasel's pigsty remi—"

Potter almost threw himself at him, but Lee held him.

"Malfoy," Lee said between teeth. " _You_ won. _Leave it_."

"Was I talking to you, Jordan?" Draco turned frowning — getting off Leevanna's try to grab him. "D'you like to stick your nose were it doesn't belong to, don't you?"

"S'there a problem, Malfoy?" he frowned realising Potter and walking towards the blond.

"Yeah, there's one," he said shrugging his shoulder to get off Blaise's hand. "With your presence."

"Have I done something to you?" he twisted his arm to get off Fred's grip. "Because I don't remember talking with _ferrets_ ," and Draco's face grew red.

"Y'know," he started, calmly — smirk malicious, "ferret and all but I got the witch."

"She doesn't seem so happy with ya," Lee's smirk showed up. "Y'know, she's been complaining—"

" _Lee!_ "

"So bad you can't give her your shoulder to cry," Draco pouted. "Though I think you want to give her more than your shoulder—"

" _Draco!_ "

"—must hurt she prefers me every time she wants to fuck," ignoring her, he gave one step to Lee. "Even if we fight, y'know, because _she's my_ witch, _mine_."

"Mate," tried Blaise, "that's en—"

"No, no," Draco cut him off, "it isn't, because this sod here thinks he has a sort of opinion when it comes to _my_ witch and I, and can't keep his hands away from her—"

"Oh, don't talk like that because you treat her like fucking rubbish," Lee's voice was bitter, threatening. "You treat her as if she was kind of puppy you can please with diamonds—"

"Talks _the_ puppy," sneered Draco. "How does it feel, huh, Jordan? Knowing that _I'm_ the one who makes her come _so_ hard that she can't even breath for how good is it. Knowing that _I'm_ the one who she's going to call every. _Fucking_. Night," Lee's eyes were narrowed. "Knowing that you can only watch while _I_ kiss her and fanta—"

And Lee punched him.

Draco breathed out a laugh seated on the grass before spitting the blood from his mouth and getting on his feet to throw himself to Lee.

And Leevanna confuses realities when the memory of months ago crosses her mind's eye.

But she doesn't faint... Or does something to try and stop him.

Because, inside her, she wanted a punishment for the Gryffindor.

Theo and Blaise held his friend back. Draco was panting, chest going up and down heavily.

Lee got up from the grass but the twins hold him back at the moment Madam Hooch made appearance.

"What d'you think you're doing?!" she screamed arriving the place. Draco spit blood again to the ground and got off his friends' grip to head towards the changing room.

His eyes crossed with Leevanna's, who narrowed her eyes at him.

Lee was sporting a cut, swollen lip and several purple marks from knuckles. Nose bleeding just like Draco's.

"Back up to the castle, both of you, and straight to your Head of House's office! Go! _Now!_ " said Hooch pointing the Gryffindors before the remaining Slytherins talked to her.

Leevanna sneaked out the situation unnoticeably and made her way towards the changing rooms, a small stone building with four doors painted in the respective colours of the houses. She'd been a few times there now.

She knows the remaining people would go directly to their dorms to avoid more delay to the party but waits a few minutes in the rain to enter without making noise and lock the door behind her.

The room smelled sweat, it was also dark and the condensation of the air reminded her of a sauna. A thick green light leaked through the green stained glass window over the door, like a humid and dark glow from the depths of the forest. The rain was heard far from where she was.

She's never been on the other ones, but the Slytherin one was pretty well organised and tidy. All in its place. The showers a bit far away. A large stone countertop with a large mirror on the wall over it.

He was there.

Without his robes and only his trousers. His nose was still bleeding and his wand revealed Episkey's use.

"You finished taking care of your puppy?" he said closing the water-key.

"You shouldn't have say those things, y'know?" she frowned crossing her arms.

He laughed and looked up too observe her through the mirror.

"You now are on his side, I see."

"There're no sides, Malfoy," she bit out approaching him. "Now, sit down."

"What?"

" _Sit. Dow_ ," she narrows her eyes at him. Her arms still crossed until she approaches him while he just did what she indicated.

Now that he's on the countertop she has more access to his face without standing on tiptoes. She conjures a gauze and a recipient with water out of nowhere.

He follows her with his eyes, looking expectant at her movements.

When she places herself between his legs and grabs carefully his cheek with one hand, his eyes locks with hers for a second before she looks down to clean the blood from his nose and cut lip.

They spend some minutes in silent as she finishes to clean him before his eyes meet his once again.

"You were a prat," she murmurs.

"I'm not apologising," he murmurs too making her narrow her eyes.

She pushes him lightly before turning to walk away from him.

And he intertwines his leg with hers to make her stumble and splash her hands on his chest.

"I didn't say for what," the words whisper against her lips and she tries to push him when his hands grab her wrists.

His hand belts beneath her and lifts her effortlessly only to sit her on him on the bench. Her knees next to his hips and her arms surrounding his neck. He holds her hips tightly.

She loved that position — the angle.

And he knows it.

She loves being a bit taller than him — standing was impossible —, looking down on him as the skin of their foreheads pressed against the other.

"I hate you," she murmurs with her face rosy from rage and eyes still narrowed.

"I know, love," she smiles against her mouth prior to leave a kiss on her jaw. "I hate you, too," this time he whispers it in her ear.

Why did they fight all the time?

Why it seemed so dangerous?

_All was too dangerous._

_All was too fast. Such a short time._

They were walking on eggshells.

And her hands grab his cheeks tightly to join their lips possessively and rawly. Teeth nipping flesh. His hands exploring all her body. Hers slid up and down.

One of his hands snakes up along the curve of her waist, and then up along the one of her shoulder. Creeps around the back of her neck before delving into her curls. Twirls one of them on his finger.

And he pulled the strand a bit.

"You want me to confess you one thing, Vaughan?" he breaths over her swollen lips and she nods quickly prior to bit her lip.

His chin slid into the space between her throat and collarbone as if it was made to fit there — forever and always. She shudders a bit feeling his hot breath against her skin.

"I got something right..."

She quickly became aware of that aching emptiness she's quite familiar with now.

He let escape a low and breathy chuckle out of his lips against her skin seeing the way her body had responded.

"I make you come so hard than you can't even breathe," he mutters and she hiss a breath at his words.

"Prat," she breaths bowing her body at him. He chuckles.

"Y'know... I was distracted today, at the game," he whispers again, against the surface of her ear this time. "Seeing you there... So pretty..." And she couldn't help but buck slightly against him. "... _With those distracting curls of yours_..." His tongue darts out to trace her earlobe, then slides up along the curve of the cartilage. "...And that skirt that's driving me fucking crazy..."

She hissed out another breath as her hands unconsciously splayed out over his chest.

"What's — ...What's wrong with my skirt?" Her hands slid down slowly.

He made a tight fist with his hair, pulling her closer.

"...So ridiculously short..." And he suckled her earlobe, making the pulse in her abdomen, no — _lower_ — to triple in one.

His fingers had travelled low to toy with the hem of her skirt. Her cheeks stained red.

"...But you like it..." she breathed.

"Mm," he hums.

She bit down on her lip as the hard outline of him pressed against her thigh.

" _Tell me.._." She hissed. "...tell me how much you like it..."

A sharp, little breath broke free from his lips and collides against her ear. A domino effect that made her jerk a bit, grinding her hips into his.

"...You want to know what things that short skirt of yours makes me imagine?" He whispered in her ear, and she nods, still bitting down her lip. "...Those thighs you have... Your legs..."

She feels beyond bold — stimulated by the inciting craving between her hips.

"...You know how frustrated I felt seeing you there?" And his voice's a breathy whisper that made her release a little sigh. "...Not being able to touch you... So distant of me..."

One of the palms of her hands whispered over the front of his trousers.

"...Tell me more..." She says and throws her head back when both of her hands found her hips again and grabbed them tight against him making her naughty hand to lean on his abdomen again.

"...The way you jumped of excitement... You have the slightest idea the things you made me imagine?" His fingers curled around the back of her bare thighs and he pried her legs apart with them. She couldn't help a barely audible little groan. "...And those bloody Gryffindors scoring points," she chuckled as her arms folded around his neck and her thighs parted more. "I was so fucking frustrated."

"Oh, poor you..." she chuckles once more making him huff against her skin.

His tongue finds her earlobe once more and sucked it before biting gently, making her release a breathy and shaky little whimper.

"You want to know what other things you made me imagine?" he whispers teasingly when he heard her little, subtle sound. She nods. "...You on my bed... With that tiny little body of yours shaking under me... As I fuck you..."

The way his hand slides up her inner thigh and delves between her legs made her release another little sound that is music for his ears.

The tip of his nose slides down her neck and his lips leave a tiny kiss on her skin before he pulled away of it to look her in the eyes.

He drags a finger up and down against her, more purrs escaping her mouth.

She just wants more — more, more, unimaginable amounts of _more_.

He brings their faces closer, his lips in close too — so close, but not close enough as she would want.

She sighs into his mouth — wanting to feel his lips closer. Shifting her nose against his, her eyes falling shut helplessly. Her knees shaking.

"... _You want me to fuck you, Leevanna?_ "

Her toes curl at the sound of her name on his lips — she loves it.

"Yes," she whispers — moans. Gasping and nipping at him, pushing against him, unable to feel his lips fully. His nose snuggled against hers.

He drags his tongue up along hers, wet and filthy. Both tongues fighting. The kiss is wild and rough. Both nipping, biting and pulling.

He gives her tongue another filthy lick.

He grunts loudly against her tongue.

Leevanna tangled her fingers in Draco's wet hair, gripping it tightly while he snaked a hand around the back of her neck.

She quickly gets rid of her huge green sweater while he unzipped her bra, then he lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist while kissing him.

The blond took her to the showers where he pushed her rudely against the wall while opening the water key making her moan.

While the water fell on both, she untangled her legs feeling one of his hands grabbing her wrists by placing them above her head. Draco put his erection between her thighs and began to kiss her neck leaving a trace of dark bruises.

Their bodies hurt in desire.

Draco quickly pulled her skirt out and throw it somewhere and then lowered the zipper from his pants leaving them on the floor as well.

Goosebumps prickled on her skin as he traced his cold hands along her body, slowly getting closer to the aching spot between her legs.

Draco observed her a few seconds while both panted. Her wet messy hair on the sides of her face, her rosy cheeks and red lips and her bare and smooth skin. Her huge green eyes decorated with beautiful long black and thick eyelashes looked at him with submission and lust.

She belonged to him. She was his — he reminded himself that _every single_ day.

"Hold fucking still," he demanded taking her roughly by the chin when she tried to move her hands, he travelled her body again passing the yolk of her fingers through her waist and thighs while kissing her.

He's always in control.

He grabbed her waist and turned her back roughly so that her hands leaned against the wall in front of her, and her back arched out with one of her cheeks against the cold wall. He grabbed her plump arse without hesitation and immersed himself inside her. She wailed loudly as he nailed her from behind. He coiled her hand around her waist to the front of her and slowly rubbed circles around her throbbing clit.

His fingers already soaking wet.

While the water wetted them, he removed her hair from her shoulder and sunk his face into the soft skin of curve of her neck smelling her addictive aroma and biting and sucking, leaving large purple bruises.

She moaned loudly trying to grab the wall without any success. He took her hair tightly and pulled it hard as he increased the rhythm of his fingers and penetrated her harder.

"You like that?" He said in her ear causing her to moan, she nodded. "You have a mouth. Fucking use it."

"Y-Yes," she said as best as she could before being pounded mercilessly. Draco came out of her and turned her abruptly seeking for her lips and kissing her savagely while putting her hands above her head and intertwined them with his while grabbing her waist with the other.

He surrounded her neck with his hand beginning to kiss her neck hearing her moan. He lifted her and leaned her on the wall feeling her entangled her legs around his waist and intertwined her fingers in his wet hair tightly, he leaned his hand on the wet wall thrusting her merciless and kissing her neck.

He held her tightly so that she wouldn't fall while he pounded her roughly, sticking her back more to the wall, listening to her moan in his ear.

The orgasm was beginning to be built in their bodies full of lust and pleasure. Her toes curled and she began to see stars, wailing loudly as he kept fucking her harder and harder.

His atavistic grunts were hot against the skin of her neck and she could feel that he was also on the edge. She clung to him by his hair and moaned on his lips as she reached the climax, her whole body shuddering and her screams echoed the empty room while the water poured.

They were lost in their own world of lust when he entered her once again as he came inside her and they became a tangled mess of one being. His thick cum filled her interior as he groaned on her neck.

Both panted exhausted still under the water. She untangled her legs while he came out of her and she touched the floor with her feet looking him in the eye. She passed her hands through the smooth and white skin of his chest while he held her by the waist to not let her fall, attracting her to him before desperately seeking for her lips and kissing her with hunger.

It was okay to burn in desire after fighting?

They didn't know.

They didn't care.

A while later, both of them were sitting on a bench, heated, swelling and satisfied. Neither spoke, but it wasn't necessary. Leevanna delicately pulled a pair of wet hair out of his forehead under his watchful gaze, she was sitting on him while he surrounded her with his arms.

"Get up or we're going to sleep here," he told her quietly seeing her laying her head on his chest. "Obey me."

And those last two words caused her to see the coloured spots she was growing to love every day. Those words did something to her, dragging her into a drug-side effect she doesn't want to escape anymore.

"Fine," she said getting up with difficulty and starting to look for her clothes around the place, avoiding bending over.

Then he got up and started rummaging between his bag until he found his dry clothes. His gaze passed to Leevanna's wet green sweater.

He saw her putting on her underwear and her skirt, which had wet parts. Before he could think, he passed her his dry robes.

"Shut up and put it on," he said to her taking away his gaze as he saw her smirk.

He remembered that time a year ago when the Dementor had attacked her and he had given her his Quidditch robes.

And he thought that fuck, she looked good in any of his robes.

How she could look so fucking delicious even with clothes?

_She looks like a Dementor now_ , he thought with a sideways smile before he started putting his shirt on, but not unbuttoning it.

She raised her head trying to take the hood off her face as she went to him and hugged him from behind while he loosened his belt.

"Good you didn't apologise," she says playfully.

"I know..." he replied seductively before turning around and grabbing her arse roughly pulling her closer. "Now, come here that I prefer you without clothes."

Both were walking, he chuckling because of her clumsiness and she huffing before supporting her hand on the wall.

"I really, really hate you," she narrowed her eyes at him before taking air deeply and taking her wand off her pocket to change her clothes.

His sneaky hand took her waist and, in an agile manoeuvre, her back collided with the stonewall behind her. She crossed her arms over her chest. Fortunately nobody was in the corridor because of the hour and the climate outside.

" _Love_..." and she raises an eyebrow, smiling playfully as she looks away when she hears his words. "You literally confessed you're mesmerised by me."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure I was under the Imperius Curse," she chuckles looking at him in the eye making him smile. "And stop using the cheesy names, ew."

"I love to bother you," he shrugged playfully.

"Oh, my dearest love," she begins letting a sigh escape her lips. "Your desire removes my withins and fills my body with your warmth as if we were slaves of the summer springlike skies," and he laughs seeing her dramatise every word. "Your name makes my insides feel the ghost of your touch and the bows your lips are sealing our—"

"Okay, okay, enough," and both are laughing. "Merlin's sake so inspired you are? I really fuck you that good?"

"Nah, I've had betters," and he glares her before she left a kiss on his lips laughing. "Damn it, don't take it hard, but, yeah, you fuck me that good."

"I know," he chuckles before taking off his wand to change his and her clothes. "We're going to the common room, right?"

"They'd been waiting for us three hours," she laughs. "But we were having troubles at the changing room, sure they'll understand," he rolls his eyes in amusement before waving his wand towards her and transforming the clothes she was wearing into a silver sequin, spaghetti strapped, mini gown that makes her breasts' lines highlight more than they should. "Malfoy!" she shrieks covering her chest.

"What?" he asks innocently while changing his clothes to a white shirt and black trousers. "Always looking like a dessert," he smirks playfully and she rolls her eyes in amusement before both started walking towards the Slytherin dungeons.

Once they arrive their destiny, he's in charge to murmure the new password Slytherins had to put to keep their parties hidden from Umbrigde.

Both shut their eyes close due to all the lights reflecting everywhere.

The flagstone walls which are arch up, carved like a cathedral, columns and all, are adorned with neon lights, diamonds — of Merlin knows where they got them — and the glued-together hot, sweaty figures crowding and knocking into another, in voracious fits of sexual and euphoric outbursts, bubbles of sweat painting their skins.

Shining aqua, emerald green and green-yellow burst their luminous waves into the pool of mashing bodies which move frivolously on the dance floor. There's people on the tables and the music echoes all the place, it's deep but strong and Leevanna thinks they found a new way of audio because she can't describe it very well.

The place pulsates with that kind of loud but deep music and teenage hormones which flutter in the air. The floor sticky with alcohol and the heavy, gloomy air was filled with smoke and weed.

Suddenly all the attention went to the two persons who just arrived. A millisecond of silent before the cheerful and euphoric cheers echoed the walls.

Draco and Leevanna started walking among the people who were congratulating the blond for his feat in the game. He did five-highs with whom were closer to him as his other hand held Leevanna's wrist to not lose her in the crowd.

"WITH YOU ALL!" Screams a drunk Theodore to be listened over the music. "OUR FUCKING PRINCESS WHO MADE US WIN THE FUCKING GAME!"

And, as his hand points the blue-grey-eyed, the cheers became even more euphoric and loud, making Leevanna laugh before making a five-high with the blond. They know the people's so hyped up because Slytherins hadn't won a game for a long time now, they're utterly happy for being the winers this time and what a better way to enjoy their glorious victory that with a radiant party.

"Finally you're here!" Exclaims Lhu, who seems to have forgotten the fight. Her brown hair, usually perfect curled and silky, tonight's frizzy and damp with her glowing sweat and falling by the sides of her head. "Daphne's doing a striptease dance, come!" She laughs pulling her best friend by the wrist.

Daphne, with a green tank top, black jeans and a messy, tangled blonde straight hair, is giving a show over one of the study tables. Her hands slid up from her waist to her hair to then place on her thighs before moving her hips in a circular motion. The blonde realised the green-eyed's presence and pulled her to climb the table too, which she did laughing.

Leevanna moved her body according to the music rhythm, moving her hips and waist circularly and one side to another as she feels the music making her brain go fuzzy and fall in a ecstasy effect due to the deep sounds. The strobe lights reflecting on the floating diamonds made the tiny sheet of sweat to glow. Pansy and Lhu are now also over the table. They're jumping.

Draco laughed and smiled towards Leevanna, whose back was against Pansy's chest as they danced seductively before the first girl bended her body a bit to start shaking her arse as the raven-haired held her waist laughing. The green-eyed's hand caught a crystal goblet and she drank it in once before throwing herself to Draco, surrounding his waist with her legs and neck with her arms as he holds her beneath.

"Nice show," he laughs and she nods smiling before leaving a kiss on his lips.

"The twins are here," she says in his ear for him to listen her better once she's standing on the floor again. "Lhu said they're the ones who have the Muggle-weed."

"Want to give it a try?" He says raising an eyebrow before taking a glass of Firewhiskey to his mouth.

"You lead the path," she laughs taking another crystallised goblet from the drinks-table.

"Oi, little bitches!" Exclaims Theodore arriving next to Blaise, already hyped up because of all the alcohol which rolls all over the place. "Going directly to the big game, huh?"

"Want to give the vessel of victory a snort?" Leevanna laughs before lightning up a fag Blaise has just given to her.

"That's even a question?" Theo chuckled as he caught the package the green-eyed threw to him.

The four began walking among the euphoric people who were jumping and dancing. Leevanna gave a drag to the fag before extending it to Draco, who did the same before giving it to Blaise.

"Mate, did you see her dance?! I've a stripper as a girlfriend!" laughed George as his hand lead the glass of whatever he's drinking to his mouth.

"The best part was when she threw it back to me, Weasley!" shrugged Daphne playfully making everyone laugh as George took off his middle finger playfully. "Here's my favourite one!" She said with a smile towards Leevanna.

"At your service, my dear friend!" The green-eyed laughed before greeting her with a kiss on each cheek. "Where's Pansy?!"

"Shagging with Blaise right there!" Lhu pointed a corner where the raven-haired and the dark-skinned were kissing desperately. "You go girl! Go for your man!"

"I swear he was just right here," said Theo pointing his side with his hands playfully. "Ayo, Fred, or whoever of the two you're, you have the sand?"

"In front of your eyes, Nott," smiled Fred giving him a tiny plastic bag. "Free because you beat our arses today!"

"Mate, I like you!" And both made a five-high laughing.

"Without resentment?" asked Draco towards the redhead who playfully made him wit to seconds as he 'thought' before hit fists. "Give me one," he said as he passed the side of his index finger up his nose to then ran his hands through his hair and looked at Leevanna. "You want one?" She nodded.

"If she ends in Peru without knowing a shite, is on you, mate," laughed Fred giving them another two little bags.

"Ayo, calm down, redhead!" Lhu exclaimed playfully, throwing her arms arounds George's neck and lunging herself into his lap as he lit a fag for then give it a long drag. "Let the two have their fun for one night!" She laughs in a fit of hysteria triggered by the infusion between the alcohol and nicotine within her.

Fred looks at her as she lifts her hand and secured George's fag between her index and middle finger, tugging it from his mouth as he releases the smoke and she settled the paper tube between her indigo-coloured lips, dragging all the chemicals deep down into her system before pulling out the nicotine leaving just the ghost of the smoke before latching her lips to George's, whose heart pump with adrenaline and desire.

"Come," says Leevanna taking Fred's arm to lead him with the others. "You deserve the vessel of heaven, too," and she pulls him away from the couple, taking a few steps until they're with the rest.

"Fuck it, mate, such a picky you are," huffed Theodore making Draco took off his middle finger.

"I'm not letting my witch snort on a dirty table, you imbecile," the blond rolled his eyes before taking a silver tray to start making sand lines on it with the help of a poker card.

"Where's Lee?" Asks Fred towards Leevanna.

"Hanky-panking with Daphne over there," she laughs pointing the two with her index finger. The lion and serpent weren't actually doing anything, they were just dancing too close before—

"Holy Salazar's cock!" Theo laughed seeing both of them join their blood-rushed lips as the lights reflected on their bodies. "I didn't see that coming! Let's see what's Finnigan's opinion!" And he made a microphone with his fist towards the middle of Pansy's thighs.

"Point another cunt, you stupid arsehole!" But she couldn't avoid laughing.

"It was the closest," shrugged Theo as his arm passed over Blaise's shoulders. "Mate, you're calculating the fucking longitude of the lines with a centimetre of fucking what?"

"How desperate," huffed Draco rolling his eyes. "Here, go you guys first, Leev and I next."

"Why us at the end?" Asked the green-eyed frowning softly.

"I don't want for you to collide your pretty face with those sweaty of theirs," he said in her ear before suckling her earlobe softly.

"Malfoy, my underwear's thin today, stop," and she shuddered with a smile when his laugh collided with her skin.

"What the fuck are you waiting for?" The blond asked seeing his friends still chatting. "Want me to call fucking You-Know-Who to shove your fucking noses or what?"

"I swear to God, mate, are you in those days or fucking what? Vaughan, I admire you, this little brat's insufferable," chuckled Theo taking seat and bending over forcing his right nostril shut with his middle finger. His left nostril lines the sand under it, taking a deep breathe to start inhaling it, shifting his head forwards several inches to catch as much as he could, and, as he lifts his head when he finished, a grunt escape his throat.

Blaise is the next one to do so, portraying his friend's action and closing his eyes when he finished as his head supported on the chair's back dealing with the sudden influx of the external, mesmerising powder in his insides.

Fred is next. Authorizing the substance to colonize his bodies and fill him with a wave of electricity but drowsiness at the same time. The middle point between the complete exhilaration and total relax. He squeezes the bridge of his nose tightly and shakes his head violently, letting out a sudden cheer of delight break free from his mouth. Letting the feelings go away for that night.

Pansy, beside him, coughs for small seconds, desperately trying to withstand the immense pressure establishing in her head. But then she tolerates the drug with ease, and her already black pupils shot with red spider webs.

"Fucking finally," chuckles Draco taking Leevanna's wrist to take her to the table.

He sits her on one of his legs and mimicked the actions their friends had done moments earlier.

His eyes rolled into the back of his head and his body allows his lips to emit a heavenly sigh, feeling all the electricity install in his insides, leaving him with all the relax and cloud effect in the entire world.

"Now you, love," he whispers in her ear. "Like a good girl for me, yeah?"

And she doesn't waist any more seconds to make a made-shift ponytail with her hand.

Feels the rushing influence of the soft drug course through her body, sailing upon her bloodstream like an adventurer on hazardous oceans she hasn't felt in a lot of time and didn't know she missed. Her hand releases her hair and she lets her head fall on the blond's shoulder.

A storm brews within them. And they feel powerful, in control, and above all dazed.

All the senses fade away, letting them being able to experience each sensation individually

Neon lights are now dark-blue, sky-blue and crimson, reflecting in the crystals as they mix with one and other constantly, forming violet and fuchsia rays. The lights began to merge together again and again, morphing into a rainbow of flashes which dart across the people's eyes.

She stands up and takes his hand when a new song started playing. He chuckles invaded for the fuzzy sensation as he stands up. The exhilaration of it all drives her to push through the crowded dance floor with him behind her as she moves her body, walking through the epicenter of the Slytherin common room.

In the middle of all it, she has now her back against his chest as his frivolous hands run up and down her waist and thighs, past the short hem of her silver dress, immediately giving it at the touch her soft skin. Her head's leaned on his right shoulder and his nose'sbrushing the skin of her ear. Both with closed eyes as the sensual sway of her body invites him.

And they are _drowning_. Happily.

Into a cloud effect they wished not to get out and let the cruel reality hit them as demolition balls.

And maybe it's better to lose battles.

What matters, is the war.

When the bomb explodes.

 _Again_.


	18. Maybe

And she runs.

Hides behind a marble column.

Closes her eyes. Breathes. Opens her eyes.

Keeps running.

The place is full of house-elves adorning the ballroom for the gala tonight. Golden and black are this year's theme. Trays floating and new decorations do it too.

She bumps with a few elves that ask her if she requires anything. Her head shakes every time before continue running.

Now is behind another column.

Sticks out her head to look back.

He had the same idea.

Looking every second, she slithers behind another one until she attains the one he was before.

When she's about to snatch him, he isn't there.

_Where's—_

She looks back for a second.

His eyes meet hers.

Both look straight again.

She waits.

One.

Runs again.

"Hide and seek again?"

A voice makes her turn. He's looking at her with a raised eyebrow and a playful grin. She nods smiling before accepting his signal to hide behind him when his steeps are near.

"Father," he says. "Have you seen—"

"Nope."

Her lips tremble and has to press them to control herself.

"How d'you—"

"You're all sweaty, breathless, your hair's messy and your cheeks are red."

"Oh," he breathed placing his hands on his hips to try and catch air.

"Aren't you a bit old for this?" Lucius raised an eyebrow. He tried to respond but his father cut him off shortly. "You're older, son, you've got duties and homework."

"But I—"

" _Homework_."

The blond snarled and whimpered lowly in objection before starting to walk towards the stairs.

When she gets out from her hiding place, Lucius winked an eye at her making her chuckle.

And she runs again.

He, hearing her steps, swivelled to discover her laughing.

" _Father!_ "

"What?" he raised his hands innocently.

She laughed harder and took advantage of the open french doors that lead to the state gardens. When she was outside, she took off her ballet flats to feel the undergrowth on her feet and grabbed the skirt of her champagne-pink, off-shoulder, puff sleeve tulle gown before looking back.

He was still chasing her.

Suddenly she feels his hands around her waist before both fell in the water making a great splash.

"Found you," he says when both get out from the water. She threw him water.

"You have homework, Malfoy," she laughs making him look at her poorly prior to throw her water.

And they play on the small lagoon for hours. They needed it. Be like before again. Laugh and smile without needing drugs or alcohol.

They need to be just the two again.

Draco and Leevanna had been at the Malfoy Manor since Christmas; the Malfoys had filled her with gifts, and she did the same with them. And Draco thought that the house had never been so full of _warmth_ until she arrived.

Many things had occurred all that time. Both had entered the Inquisitorial Squad as chiefs — he to annoy Potter and her to free the twins, Lhu and Lee of Umbridge's punishments and also to do whatever she pleased, as always.

The obnoxious woman had taken all over the school, yes, but that didn't mean that she'd snatched all the fun — parties, mischiefs, riots and jokes that happened behind her back and she never found out about thanks to the blessing Obliviate spell.

The green-eyed had saved her friends from Umbridge's hurtful quill — many times now — but she knew that luck was going to end soon.

_All was going to end soon._

After a light lunch in the gardens, both were changed and reading.

"Draco," called his father, making him leave his book side after getting startled by the fright making Leevanna giggle softly.

"Yes, father?"

"Follow me," he nodded feeling how the black-and-white-haired raised her head from his chest and settled on the other edge of the couch to finish reading her book. He'd been laying on the sofa with her between his legs.

The blond wondered what his father wanted while he followed him in complete silence, as always he was with him. He hadn't done anything wrong, had he? He had taken a walk with Leevanna through Wiltshire a couple of hours ago, but—

He came out of his thoughts when he hit his head with a wall, he rebuilt quickly before his father realised it.

When they entered his father's office — Draco quite anxious and with his hands trembling unnoticeably —, his father went to his desk and opened a drawer taking a small black velvet box out of it.

Draco's body relaxed. He was not going to yell at him.

"She is special, isn't she?" he frowned confused by his father words. "Leevy," Draco nodded understanding as the blond man approached him. "Don't make the same mistakes as me..." he mumbled giving him the box — it had been very low, almost as if he had been talking to himself. "Now, go with your mother that I have things to do," and his tone was cold and distant again, the boy nodded and left the place.

He opened the box curiously finding a ring inside it. He frowned.

A ring? What the fuck was he going to do with a bloody ring?

He has thousands of them and so does his witch but—

"Oh, Draco, there you are," his mother said approaching as he closed the box still kind of confused. "Leevy is in your room waiting for you. In a few hours starts the whole thing, don't be late," she smiled and he nodded looking at one of the rings she wore — the one on her ring finger.

"Mum," he called her before she left. "Who gave you that ring?" the question made the woman raise her hand looking at the jewel he was referring to.

"Oh... Your father, when he proposed to me. His and mine, match," she said smiling nostalgically, then shook her head before she continued to ramble in her thoughts and left after her son nodded.

_They match..._

And he wonders if what he is thinking is the right answer. It could be possibly a mistake, he doesn't know.

Could be it? Was it the time already?

But he doesn't know what — what he feels for her. He has Occlude so many times just to get her aroma out of his nostrils to try and be mad at her when they fought, that he doesn't know if his brain still functions correctly.

There were just six months for them to turn seventeen and be practically adults in the magical world. It isn't much time to try and figure out what the hell is happening between the two.

Both had been fighting like cat and dog for months. They just can't quit it.

With every fight, it feels like a piece of his soul abandoning his body, that until he gets to have her between his arms or under him with his lips all over her body while he praises her.

And, _oh_ , he knows she enjoys it.

It wasn't to much pressure though? Too soon? Too fast?

Why they just couldn't have more time to try and figure out their 'thing'? They need more time to decipher what they want to do with the other a part of fighting and yelling and destroying.

But this is Pureblood culture and socialite. They don't bloody care if they need more time. They just want something to talk about or maybe judge.

And he doesn't even know if she—

"What's that?" Leevanna said snapping him out of his thoughts seeing the box when he arrived at the room.

"Something my father gave me," he replied leaving the box on a table next to the books they had been reading before and feeling how she wrapped him with her arms from behind — she loved to do that.

She, herself, had started doing it a few weeks ago and now she did it most of the time. And he wouldn't complain, he loved feeling her tiny arms surround him and her cheeks against his back.

"We have a couple of hours until dinner, y'know?" She said playfully, standing on tippy toes to be able to reach his ear — though she just reached his neck.

"What are you suggesting, _filthy little girl_?" He said turning to look at her with a raised eyebrow. She shrugged her shoulders sliding her hands through his chest. "Look at me when I'm talking to you."

"Yes, sir," she replied, making him laugh before spanking her and tightening her plump ass attracting her to him.

"Turn around," he demanded and she obeyed. "Raise your arms," he muttered in her ear.

She did what he indicated and closed her eyes when she felt his great hands sliding up her thighs until they took the edge of her huge sweater.

He raised the fabric caressing the skin of her abdomen with his knuckles until he finished removing the sweater leaving it on the floor. His hands surrounded her waist and tightened her against him while his lips kissed her shoulder skin.

Fuck's sake, he loved her skin.

And he loves being the only one who could touch her that way, the only one who could make her feel good.

She took her head back, placing her hands above his over her belly while her skin was bristling. A breathy gasp breaks free from her lips when his left hand grabbed her ass again, squeezing it a little and possessively.

"You like that, little girl?" He asked in her ear; his breath made her shudder as she nodded. "Tell me what you want."

"I want..." she breathed. " _I want you to spank me..._ "

"Hands," he demanded and she took her hands behind her back feeling how he tied them with his black tie. "Now... You better be quite... We don't want anyone to listen, don't we?" He told her in her ear and she gulped.

They'd heard the house filling with voices on the first floor a few seconds ago, and there wasn't time to cast a Muffliato spell.

"Yes, sir," she breathed nodding.

Draco took her wrists and pulled her to the desk, where, with his forearm, he pushed all things from above so that he could lay her on her naked abdomen.

He took the edges of her leggings and crouched down to lower them until they were on the floor next to her underwear. His hands slid up one of her legs and he left a soft kiss on one butt cheek. She closed her eyes with her cheek against the cold desk's wood.

Draco stood up and pulled out his belt to then held it in his hands before giving a soft blow on her skin that made her gasp lowly.

He smirked.

Another blow.

She pressed her forehead against the desk's wood biting her lip to try to drown her soft groans in her throat.

Another blow.

The yearning between her thighs growing.

She let out a soft groan from her lips without being able to avert it anymore. She drowned a gasp when he hit her a bit harder.

"Not a _single_ sound," he demanded.

She nodded pressing more her forehead to the desk and biting her lip hard.

He let the belt fall from his hand and took her hips tightly, holding her still.

He put one hand on her arse before giving it a blow making her back bow, then he gave another. She made fists with her hands and pressed her open mouth against the desk when one of his fingers began to slide along her cunt.

"Always _so wet_ for me," he said under his breath and near to her ear.

His middle finger made its way until he reached her clit, where he began to caress linearly, delighting with the image of her trying to silence her moans.

He began to caress her clit faster, making circular movements on it and using some pressure on it. She closed her eyes by biting her lower lip when his fingers accelerated their movements; moans drowned inside her throat.

His fingers slid from top to bottom by brushing her entrance — taunting it.

He began to stroke her clit circularly and quickly again as she released her lower lip, pressing her forehead hard against the desk to not whimper.

Without prior notice, he sank a finger into her, making drown a soft moan in the back of her throat.

She loves when he catches her out of guard.

He introduced another finger inside her.

He took his fingers out of her a little and then dug them deeper, seeing her squirm in pleasure trying not to moan highly. His fingers began to go in and out of her faster.

The blond introduced his fingers deeper, reaching her most sensitive point, then his thumb began to pay attention to her clit. His large middle and ring fingers inside her thrusted the as deep as they could, nudging something inside her with his yolks as if he tried to push a wall of concrete down.

In and out.

In and out.

Pushing and pumping.

Her slick walls began to adjust around his fingers and her fluids lubricated and wetted even more her cunt.

Draco took his fingers out of her when he felt that her orgasm was about to explode.

He unleashed the tie from her hands quickly and gave her a spank before taking her by the waist to turn her around. Now she was facing him.

She arched her back and took her hands up from her head as he lowered his pants. He took her hips hard and pressed the tip of his thick and hard cock against her clit.

" _Please_..." she breathed as lowly as she could against his lips.

"Please what?"

Her back arched.

"Please fuck me like the little slut I am..." she breathed against his lips.

And she didn't have to ask him twice.

She felt the head of his cock tease her wet entrance and her eyes widened when he entered his tip inside her.

Her back bowed forward and her tiny hands grabbed his arms as she bit her lip trying not to wail loudly. Instinctively, Leevanna pushed up against him, entering the half of his hard cock inside her as her warm and already tight walls wrapped around him.

"No sound, little girl," he muttered against her face before he thrusted her, letting all his cock enter her.

Her back arched and her legs pressed the sides of his torso.

One of his hands reached below them and he pushed her hip out further, trying to open her more for him. She clenched around him and he started to pant lowly.

The pain mixed with the pleasure was so beautiful.

She leaned her back on the desk wood again and arched her back; one of her arms flexed on the side of her face and the other over her head also in the same way.

His thrusts became deeper and deeper, causing her hips to clash with hers repeatedly.

Her small body lifted a little every time he entered it. Each thrust was hard, wild, rough and without a pinch of mercy for her tightness.

His thick tip pushing something inside her, hitting just the right spot, just like his fingers had done moments ago.

One of his hands went down her belly until he found her moist and swollen clit, and his fingers punished it with a quick pace as his cock pounded her roughly and violently.

A small sound escaped from her lips, like a purring that made him go crazy.

He placed his hand over her mouth to silence her.

She drowned her loudly groan in her throat and he took his hand out of her mouth to support both of his hands on her hips.

One of her arms slid up the table, unintentionally pushing a bowl of wood with things to the floor when she arched her back as she drowned a moan. She covered her mouth with both hands as she tried to silence her laughter when she heard the noise she'd made.

He pressed his lips, trying to chuckle lowly as he lowered his gaze to then look back at her.

She panted and moaned as lowly as she could as he let escape a drowned and strangled groan from his lips; a sound that for her was the most beautiful ever.

Both pressed their foreheads as they felt one of the most intense orgasms they would experiment that day spasm inside their bodies as the bright flashes of a supernova exploding.

༄

Draco stared at the small ring his father had given him. He had already deciphered which of his rings was that it was matching. He turned his gaze listening to a pair of heels resonate from the top of the staircase. Leevanna.

He smiled helplessly.

Why she had to be so damn glorious?

She was wearing a black, strapless, mermaid, detachable, satin gown that had golden stains on the top of it. Half of her hair was messily up and a fine golden tiara decorated her head.

When she reached the last step, he took her by the hand and left a kiss on it to start walking towards the ballroom.

"See we're matching, Mr Malfoy," her eyebrow jolt up playfully. He was wearing a black suit with a golden tie.

"Funny," he narrowed his eyes in amusement making her laugh before rolling her eyes.

"The couple of the season!" greeted Ashton's familiar voice with extended arms.

"We're not dating," William mocked Leevanna's voice making her face grow rosy of rage and her eyes to narrow.

"Have I told you that you look like a marshmallow when you get angry?" chuckled Draco making the two laugh and her turn with a shocked face.

"You're on their side?" she shrieked pointing her cousin and friend.

"Of course he's on our side," said Liam surrounding Draco's shoulders with his arm. "Everyone makes fun of you, marshmallow."

"Don't call me marshmallow!"

"Marshmallow," muttered Ashton in the blond's ear as he nodded grinning.

"And where are your witches?" Leevanna raised an eyebrow ending the fun of the two, who looked at each other.

"Nasty game you play, Vaughan," Ashton shook his head in disappointment. "Where's my cousin, by the way?"

"She isn't here?" asked Draco and Leevanna frowning.

"Nope," said Liam. "Her parents yes, but no sign of her," Leevanna nodded confused. "My aunt?"

"You're asking _me_?" she raised an eyebrow.

Leevanna's parents had decided not to assist — Nicholas had decided — and instead go to a party in France. The girl was not surprised though, she didn't care if they came or not. She'd been happy even when she found out.

The gala passed regularly. Ashton and William stayed with Draco and Leevanna — bothering the second one and getting to know the first mentioned.

People approached the group to ask questions they certainly preferred to avoid but certainly couldn't. William, Leevanna's cousin, had recently been spotted with a Beauxbatons' girl and the old witches didn't stop asking for the wedding's date of what had been a quick fuck Skeeter'd had caught in the act. Ashton, Lhu's cousin, was being pressured for the older wizards at the recent news of his duty at the Onley-Wales' company — thing that he'd been avoiding for months.

On another note, Draco and Leevanna were smiling awkwardly when questions about their relationship came afloat.

"Such a beautiful couple."

"Your _babies_ are going to be mesmerising and so talented."

"Amazing witch you've got there, young boy."

"Now, dear, your wedding—"

_And stop —_ babies?

Leevanna blinked several times and shook her head lightly with a smile. "Pardon me, but did you say babies?"

The two old witches making her company laughed.

"Of course dear, you're going to be a wife, sure you have thought some names," said one with silver hairs between her brunette.

No, she hasn't. She's _sixteen_.

"You're a bit overweight though, you're eating healthy, right, dearest?" asked the one with complete silver hair while her eyes travelled all Leevanna's body.

She — she was _what_?

It wasn't possible — was she really overweighted? She hadn't noticed — the last time she was fine — she —

"What's that you plan to study, dear?"

"Er— A-Alchemy and to be Minister—"

"But with the babies she has no time, Lenore," said the half-brunette and Lenore nodded.

"Minister, sweetheart?" the woman asked. "That's so men-like, but as you please _I guess_..."

Leevanna smiled uncomfortably and still confused. The two old witches kept talking about her future and what she should do.

Had she said something wrong? Was it bad to have aspirations? And — again — was she overweighted?

Nobody had said anything — her gowns fit perfectly — or not? Did she look bad?

"I— I-if you excuse me," and she tries not to run or drink six glasses in one. Her hand has around her star necklace, holding it tightly and trying to breathe.

Draco, who had been answering questions next to Blaise and William, asked for permission to retire when his witch's hair caught his attention.

His eyes shifted to the witches she'd been talking to and saw them murmuring to each other while looking in Leevanna's direction. He formed a line with his lips before starting to walk towards her.

And the two witches interrupted.

"Ah, Draco," said Lenore grinning. He did it for courtesy. "We were just talking with Miss Vaughan."

"Did you know she wants to study Alchemy?" Helena, the brunette, frowned in disapproval. "And to be _Minister_ of Magic, goodness me."

"She's gained weight since last time and just wears black — such depressive colour—"

"Leevanna can be and study whatever _she_ wants," Draco cut her off. "And she hasn't _gained_ weight, she's _perfect_ ," he said bitterly. "And aren't you a bit _prehistoric_ to be talking about a _young_ bird? Sounds like jealously," the two witches blinked. "And, Lenore, isn't your husband cheating? Sure you should worry about that instead of talking about _my_ witch," the woman opened her mouth outraged. "Now, if you may excuse me, I shall retire."

Without waiting response, he rushed to find his Leevanna as soon as possible.

His feet guided him to the last time's passageway, where he found her breathing heavily and seated on the floor.

She was having a panic attack.

Those fucking witches...

"Leevy," he muttered crouching down in front of her. "Look at me, love, breathe."

"I— I c-can't—" she gasped whispering and with her gaze lost. "Babies— I— I can't— I don't— want to— I— I'm overweighted— I— I can't— _breathe_ — I..."

"Leevy," he calls and her eyes finally meet his. "You're _perfect_ , okay? You aren't overweighted or shite like that. You can be and study whatever _you_ want, I'm going to be there, yeah?" she nodded jerkily. "You're _my_ witch, the others don't matter, okay?" she nodded again. "Now, do what I."

He takes air deeply and she follows his action before exhaling slowly. Her hand slowly loosening her grip around the pendant.

His thumb wiped her tears away before his hand slid to intertwine his fingers with her curls to leave a kiss on her forehead.

"I think we can miss the rest of the gala," he whispered pressing their fronts. "You want to leave?"

"I thought you'd never ask," she chuckled making him laugh.

He sighed helping her to get up. "Mipsy!"

"Yes, sir?" said the elf.

"Tell mum we're retiring, yeah?" Mipsy nodded. "And that her gown's beautiful," Mipsy nodded one more time before snapping her fingers and disappearing. "So, to the Library or—"

"Actually, I have something to show you," she smiled making him frown. "Just— let's go to your room and I'll tell you."

He surrounded her waist with his arm and both began walking towards the stairs to climb them. Already in the blond's room and with the door closed, she flicked her wand to changer her gown to a kind of gothic, off-shoulder, lantern, mesh sleeve, short-length dress.

"What?" she asked seeing him leave his coat on the bed.

"Your clothes fit a doll," he chuckled and she looked at him poorly.

Her hands rummaged a small bag she had until she found a small box where a Time-Turner was.

"Is that — how did you—"

"Take my hand," Leevanna told him smiling after placing the necklace around her neck, he looked at her confused but did it anyway. "Do you trust me?"

"Don't ask that question again," he answered her in a serious tone making her laugh.

"You like chocolate, right?" He placed a strand of hair behind her ear nodding and she smiled at him holding his hand tightly.

Both twisted and Apparated in Switzerland.

They were in the centre of the city when fireworks began to illuminate the sky filling it with colours while people celebrated the beginning of a new year.

Just in time.

"What the—" he said confused and quite sure that the new year was still one hour away.

"It's called 'time zone' or something," she said laughing.

"We're in the Muggle world?" He asked looking around, seeing all the people hug and laugh.

"Yes," she said nodding and injecting herself with courage. She bit her lower lip not wanting to look at his reaction, but she did it, she turned her head and looked at him.

She wasn't sure about what she has planned.

She wasn't sure about anything.

She analysed his reaction carefully, seeing a slight hesitation. The uncertainty about what they are doing.

She reached for his hand, squeezing it tight.

His fingers flexed against hers in her hand, almost nervously as he pulled her closer. She squeezed again, glancing sideways at him at last before pulling him and starting to walk.

Since when both held hands? They didn't know.

But, for that night, they turned off that part of their brains that questioned _every single thing_ they did.

Soon enough, they're weaving through the people along sidewalks.

He was a little scared and anxious about being in the Muggle world and being so close to non-magical people, but when she took his hand he relaxed feeling the anxiety going away slowly. And the calm in his eyes was as clear as a wall of ice.

"They say Swiss chocolate is the best," she said with a smile guiding him to a small and colourful store on the corner of a street, where Canopies of Christmas lights hang from above, like stars, the entire place, filled with sweets and gifts and wonders. She'd gotten Muggle money from each country she'd planned to go.

This was meant to be an escape. For both of them.

An escape from all the things that they had been through the year. All the fights and everything.

_An escape before the storm._

She'd asked Severus to help her with the underage magic thing and the Time-Turner. Although he first had refused to let her go to other countries alone and be near Muggles, he'd helped her and talked with some connections he had inside The Ministry to not have problems if she used her magic. But he'd warned her that she needed to be extremely careful about when and where she used her wand — he'd repeated it to her so many times that she cast a Muffliato spell on herself to not listen to him anymore.

A while later, both were in a square eating chocolate while they saw the fireworks illuminate the sky with colours. Swiss chocolate was certainly the best shit in the entire world. They had eaten and drunk a lot of it, they had even bought more.

"Where do you want to go next?" He looked at her with a frown.

There was more?

Well, with both of them always was _more_.

"Um... China?"

"Here we go," she said taking the Time-Turner before also surrounding his neck with the chain. "If here is half-past twelve..." and she began to turn it.

Suddenly all their surroundings started to go back until the sun falls completely again.

Leevanna made sure nobody was seeing before grabbing Draco's hand and twisted and Apparated.

"Happy Chinese New Year, Draco," she said laughing when it dialled 12, again. They were in the middle of the carnival.

He laughed rolling his eyes before kissing her and then continuing to see the show, which was awesome by the way.

He saw her keep the Time-Turned in her bag again before looking up.

"Look, a Chinese dragon!" She said, pointing to the huge figure that was passing among all the people who were in the carnival.

He smiled helplessly seeing her excitement.

"What is that?" He asked seeing a couple of people thrown paper lamps in the air with rare symbols written on the paper.

Leevanna fixed her gaze to where he was staring at.

"Oh, people write good intentions and desires and then throw them into the air or something like that, it's a tradition I think," she told him before he pulled her by the wrist and took her to the place like an excited child. "You don't even know how to write in Chinese, Draco," she told him laughing once a man had given them the lamps.

"No, but there are the letters," he said with a smile pointing to a poster with the translation. She laughed rolling her eyes and seeing him concentrate on every line he drew.

She found it the tenderest thing in the world to see him there, smiling like a child and getting frustrated when he didn't understand how to draw a letter. She grabbed what looked like a brush and soaked it in the black ink on her side to start writing.

She knew _exactly_ what she wanted to wish.

"Don't even think about telling me what you put on or else it's not true," she interrupted him before he could speak.

"I wasn't going to do it either," he said shooting his eyes before taking her by the wrist and leading her to the place where people threw the paper lamps and a man who was there helped them put fire inside them to rise.

"Holy shite, this burns," she panted trying not to throw the paper to the ground. He laughed.

Both raised them at the same time and stood looking at the sky for a moment watching the magical show of the sky being filled with thousands of lamps. Giving them a show of little stars which have on them the deepest and beautiful wishes that give the people the hope of everything being magic.

And is more than beautiful, being there with your eyes locked in the sky, like you are hypnotised by it, feeding your soul with the idea of being under the most magical landscape. The sensation of feeling complete just because you know there are other beings who are thinking they could make their wishes come true, and you hope, you pray for them and for your own.

And all you can feel is happiness, each drop individually sneaking through your body.

But _what_ is happiness?

Basically, it is a lasting satisfaction, a well-being, a feeling of plenitude that overwhelms all else and an inner peace that makes the impossible seem plausible, the difficult accessible, the mundane gratifying and life satisfying. Happiness is a tough word, tough to conceive, tough to feel, tough to grasp, tough to achieve, low in our daily priorities and many times unappreciated or relegated to the bottom drawer of our lives. It is within us and it has more to do with the decision to be happy than with happenstance.

For some people, they found happiness in work, arts, sports or even philanthropy, religion or atonement. Because happiness has various dimensions for everybody.

It could be sharing a piece of chocolate with your friends where you fight over a bite. Or maybe writing on your balcony while the sky paints a mesmerising twilight as you drank a cup of chocolate tea. It could be being silent and listening to the sky cry in an incessant sway of wind.

Now, for Leevanna? If you had asked her a year ago, she would say happiness is an ethereal sensation, just useless hope. That if she needed something which could maybe be similar, as a placebo, would be finally free and enjoying herself inside her empire of ice as the only warmth that could fill her is the hot breath of the chocolate sliding through her body. Maybe laying on the grass and caressing the soft wings of the coloured flowers knowing that she is in a perpetual sensation of peace. Be able to forgive herself.

If you ask her now, she would tell you that is this moment in when her green iris meets her lover's blue-grey, knowing she is with a person who could make her ice melt with a simple look and she won't complain about it. Or maybe his hands in her hair with his clothes in her room and his voice as a familiar sound. Knowing that nothing lasts forever and her brain turns off all the alarms giving her a feeling she isn't familiar with. Being his star and letting him give her all which are his.

On the other hand, happiness for Draco Malfoy? If you had asked him a year or so ago, he would have told you that happiness is just a placebo with you could fill the constant torment inside him. And a sensation which could be for him closer to complete happiness, would be him with his mum when he was younger. Both laughing and laughing under the crying sky as she tells him that she loves him with all her heart, as she asks him to forgive her for things that are not her fault. Eating desserts she makes as they read or simply just hugging her and leaving a kiss on her forehead.

If you ask him now, he would tell you that happiness is seeing his mum smiling next to a girl who warms his insides with just a simple touch. Seeing both of them laughing as they drink tea under the spring skies. Hearing the voice of a green-eyed girl who removed his life like an earthquake. Tangled up with her all night and burning everything down. Laying with her on the snow or grass and seeing the stars decorating the sky. Knowing she won't go anywhere and letting his barriers fall when she looks at him. Giving her all his stars and covert her into his one and only until eternity.

Because happiness is a decision of life and not the result of fortune or luck. It isn't smiling every day, is feeling complete with your own self and being with the people who help in making you a better version of yourself every day.

France, Germany, Peru, Mexico, Puerto Rico, Italy and now Brazil.

They hadn't reached midnight in all — because Leevanna wasn't sure about keep using the Time-Turner and Draco agreed —, since both were distracted by anything they saw, but that wasn't the goal, so it didn't matter.

But seeing the colours of fireworks in the sky, seeing people's joy, trying new food, buying fun masks, and taking photos with those rare Muggle artefacts, _did_ matter.

That was the whole point of the little surprise she had planned.

Draco looked at her with a smile, seeing how she learned to dance that strange Muggle dance with a lady. She had done the same in Peru with that strange music the musicians played with rare instruments.

"Come!" She called him laughing once she got used to the steps, he denied with his head making her shoot her eyes in amusement. The people nearby had made a circle around her while dancing and they animated or joined her.

Draco thought that her smile made the other people happy, even the couple who had been fighting all the time that they were there, had joined her.

She always made other people soften.

Even Draco.

But she could whatever she wanted with him.

A lady approached Leevanna and tied a dark pink bow next to a pendant of a closed hand on her wrist, she looked at her with a soft frown and a smile while the lady took Draco's wrist pulling him to the centre of the circle to be with her.

" _Que o teu amor prospere, linda menina! Eles são almas gêmeas!_ "

"What did she say?" He asked her taking her waist while she had her hands on his chest and denied laughing. "What if they made us Muggle voodoo?" She laughed harder before pulling him by his shirt and bringing their lips together.

Draco stopped thinking and pulled her closer.

That girl was the death of him.

But he would never complain.

She is his star.

"Don't ever dress like this again," she said; both of them were in a small white motorboat driven by a boy heading to a private island that was owned by the girl's parents secretly — as a place to be secure and hid if they were discovered for their actions — and was also named after the girl.

Draco took a look at his clothes: the sleeves of his black shirt were folded up to the middle of his forearm, he had black pants and he didn't wear a coat or blazer, his hair was messy too.

"What's wrong with my clothes?"

"You look very dishy and everyone's going to look at you," she replied feeling how laughter appropriated him. He began to give her small kisses on her neck tickling her and making her laugh.

" _Nós chegamos_ ," Leevanna frowned, the boy remembered that she wasn't native. "Here, gorgeous," although his pronunciation was strange, Draco understood perfectly, stopped kissing Leevanna's neck and looked at the boy with a serious countenance about to kill him.

༄

"There was no need to punch him," Leevanna huffed and took off her shoes to walk in the sand after the boy left faster than he came, Draco also took off his shoes.

He glared her with narrowed eyes.

"You. Are. _Mine_."

"I. Am. Yours," she laughed holding his wrist and pulling him up to walk. Both stopped in front of a beautiful house full of window-walls.

The beach house was certainly beautiful. With black wood decorations and rustic but modern air. Plants and flowers falling everywhere as stars giving it an air of a fairytale village.

Once they arrived at the main room, she kept their wands in a drawer next to the small bag she had bought to put everything they had bought — she had even had to use an Undetectable Extension Charm because there were too many things — with the first she had inside.

He walked towards the beach while taking out his shirt and unzipped his pants. She bit her lower lip smiling before going to wash her face quickly and then following him.

Well, she hadn't had that on the list of things they were going to do, but she wasn't complaining.

She would never complain.

She, after also taking off her clothes, went into the water until she reached him and surrounded him from behind, the water reaching up to the middle of her abdomen.

"Let's stay here forever," he told her intertwining his hands with her's on his abdomen.

"We don't even have clothes for tomorrow."

He laughed pulling her by the de wrist attracting her closer and then place one of her strands behind her ear and kiss her lips possessively. She clung to him standing on tippy toes on the sand and intertwining her fingers between his blond hair.

He took her by the waist and then raised her making her surround his waist with her legs.

They definitely couldn't spend a second without jumping over the other.

But that time felt... Different.

In a good way, but different.

It wasn't like the little affair they had before the Christmas dinner or the ones before. It wasn't careless or rough, caressing of feelings, it was... They didn't know what was this feeling in their bodies, it was new and it feely beyond good.

Draco's lips were looking for Leevanna's hungry and desperate. She moaned softly between his lips feeling how he pulled her closer.

This kiss feels like feelings, real ones. The ones they had tried to escape for so long. This kiss is they sharing trust and commitment, hopes and dreams they hadn't express with anyone else. Is the secrets they had kept and now are facing the sunlight. Is promising to make it last forever but knowing that it could end.

A few minutes later, after they left the beach, both were in bed. Draco positioned himself among Leevanna's flexed legs, beginning to leave kisses inside her thigh listening to her release small moans.

He looked for her lips passing his fingerprints through her waist and hips. And she is burning, letting her empire of ice melt at the fire his touch is, warming her coldblooded body with his hands, which caress every single pore of her being. She arched her back while he kissed her neck leaving bruises on her skin. Draco grabbed her neck while kissing her lips, she bit his lower lip as she always did taking him from his neck to attract him more to her.

"Spread your thighs," he ordered her and she instantly obeyed feeling how he slowly passed his fingers up her legs until he reached her belly and slowly lowered them finding her swollen clit. He began to make slow circles, torturing her and making her moan on his lips while she arched her back.

This kind of glitter that is sliding throughout their bodies isn't filled with the guilt they had felt the first times, the regret of not being able to make front to their desires and stop them.

This doesn't feel like that.

His warm breath hit her face sending electricity all over her body. He placed a kiss on her belly still making circles on her clit.

" _Draco_..." she moaned tightening the sheets under her. "Fuck," she whimpered.

He knew exactly how to take her to the edge in a couple of minutes.

"You look so fucking beautiful right now," he said kissing her lips. He took his middle finger gliding it between her two lips down there as she arched her back in pleasure feeling his finger sank inside her slowly.

And a current tears up their within, it's as if an explosion just happened inside their bloodstreams reaching their minds. The coloured spots blurring their consciences and letting all the ice melt and the barriers to fall, making all the shades that were hiding burn in the pleasure causing their vulnerability to make their minds connect.

The blond left kisses from her jawline to her neck then passing to her chest and breasts, which he licked and kissed until he left purple marks. His teeth biting her nipples softly and nipping her soft and tender skin. His wet and blood-rushed ribbons and bows his lips are, caress the fragile memories inside the scars he finds.

He entered one more finger making her moan high and tighten the sheets hard. The blond introduced his fingers deeper, almost reaching her most sensitive point, then his thumb began to trail until it reached her clit again to start massaging it.

Her hips started bucking softly against his hand.

He took his fingers out of her a little and then dug them deeper, listening to her delirious moans of pleasure. His fingers began to go in and out of her faster.

He took his fingers out of her and went down to her belly, leaving kisses until he kissed her core, causing her to shudder.

He approached her waist with his mouth at the level of her core using his tongue to slowly lick her sensitive skin, she arched her back in pleasure tightening the sheets even stronger if possible. His tongue soon found her pulsating clit and started massaging it slowly and tortuous. Her thighs started to slowly wrap around his head in a way to tell him that he was right in the right place.

His tongue dug deeper and slid through her wet cunt until he reached her entrance. His cold hands grabbed her thighs while he ate her effortlessly making her groan. He was sucking, nipping and digging his tongue deeper inside her. His rings pressing her skin. Her stomach began to twist while her legs trembled.

He stopped immediately and allowed his lips to travel across her thighs, leaving little promises and new memories over the fine lines which paint her skin. He climbed back onto the bed positioning himself again between her legs. Both looked into their eyes before gathering their lips together in a breathy kiss.

The act of sexual intercourse doesn't feel like a careless thing, is actually this sensation that nips every part of their beings, letting them delight ad they explore the other's body, mind and heart. Sharing aseriously intimate connection between the two.

Her hands passed across the skin of his chest from bottom to top until she reached his neck. Then she tangled her hands between it and pulled him closer to kiss him again.

It was a desperate, hungry kiss but passionate at the same time.

Why were they being so gentle with each other? They didn't know.

For the first time, the goal isn't just look for physical pleasure, they are not merging their physical needs and body parts with the other partner just because the prize is having a blowing mind orgasm to release the ghosts inside them.

This feels like — like _feeling_.

"May I?" he breathed against her lips.

"Fucking yes," she chuckled gasping making him smile before he kissed her again.

Draco rubbed his tip against her entrance, causing her goosebumps. His breathing soon also turned heavy. Without hesitation, he pounded her completely, taking her breath away for a second.

No matter how many times passed, she still didn't get used to his size.

A ragged moan left her lips as her back arched.

He pumped gently inside her a few times to get her used to it, after a few seconds he gradually accelerated, but not at the point of making the bed clatter.

It felt like absolute magic.

He supported his hand on the headboard before thrusting her again.

Their mouths were open, barely touching, moaning softly in the other's mouth while they looked at each other's eyes. He bowed his head to her neck and bit her shoulder's skin before pressing their foreheads together again and kissing her passionately.

It was a mixture of pleasure, desire and pain.

It was feeling every sensation individually and merging them together in a dance of desire.

Draco pounded her over and over again letting go a few soft groans from his lips. Thing that made her smile before a moan escaped her lips.

His hips pressing hers as his thrusts became deeper.

He gently sat her on him so as not to hurt her and left kisses on her neck making her moan. Leevanna clung to him, digging her nails on his back and scratching it. She let escape deliriant moans from her lips doing small jumps on him clinging to him while he wrapped her with his arms kissing her neck and jawline.

He took her hips guiding her movements as he left to escape a soft growl of his blood-rushed lips.

He loved that position, he could see her perfectly. Every reaction she had, every moan that escaped her plump lips, how her eyes closed feeling every moment as she jumped slowly and deep.

Her arms surrounded his neck pulling him closer feeling her walls starting to tighten around his hard member.

Leevanna felt how a volcano exploded inside her making her see stars sending currents throughout her body causing her to cling closer to him not wanting to separate.

Lust took over both while he came inside while he kissed her. Draco embraced her hard feeling how she entangled her fingers between his hair while letting escape soft moans from her lips.

Their minds connected, their souls dancing with each other in a mortal desire of possession, the internal promises and the sensation of feeling for the first time all the colours of the rainbow accompanied the fragile shells their bodies are. Merging themselves in a tangled mess of one being.

And he remembers what Leevanna said months ago, about being in front of the explosion of a supernova.

This feels like it.

The colours. The heat. Freedom.

He looked her in the eye and placed one of her strands behind her ear. He took a mental photograph of her face: rosy cheeks, semi-open full red lips, her entangled hair next to her cheeks and her sparkling eyes full of desire. God, he... _Needed_ her? No, that wasn't the word, it approached, but it wasn't.

He didn't know how to call the situation of worrying about her beyond all rationality and wanting her to have everything and whatever she wanted, no matter how much it destroyed him giving it to her.

No matter how fast they were going, how much speed there was between them.

He did not how to call the feeling that invaded his body every time they fought, feeling how the air lacked seeing her walk out the door.

Get so stressed and turn their eyes blank by anger, yelling to the point of crying and then kissing.

How he felt when she caressed his hair with those tiny hands of hers when he had a bad day and just needed her close. How his body relaxed at her touch that he felt exposed and vulnerable at her.

How his eyes watered when she whispered that he made her smile even if she was angry as they spent hours in the bathtub after he had a bad day. The little whispers which seemed to be Northern Lights dancing throughout his body as she made him feel better.

The way her sweet voice made him smile when he heard it. Her beautiful and hypnotising laugh every time she laughed for some dark-humoured comment she had made.

Seeing her so peacefully reading in front of the fireplace as she sipped her hot chocolate and then passed her tongue across her lower lip.

Her cheeks and nose became rosy as she smiled when she played under the snow to then jump to hug him and leave a soft kiss on his lips — just when they were alone. With no one else around them and feeling free.

The way her eyes sparkled in such joy when she talked about flowers and her loved magical creatures or books.

How her nose crunched softly when something bothered her and the way she frowned when she was frustrated. The childish whims she did when she did not understand something or how to do it.

The way her fingers seemed to be playing the piano when she was bored. How her hands moved when she was writing those beautiful poems she wrote — he had read some of them with her permission — or when she was painting.

The little jumps she gave when she did something right before she ran towards her godfather, Lhu, Luna or Draco and explained her excitement.

The way she bit down her lip or did a pout.

How her hair floated thanks to the wind and caressed her face before she huffed trying to make it go away.

Her laughs and happiness when she heard some music she liked and started jumping or moving her body according to the rhythm. The sound of her voice as she hummed or sang.

How she enjoyed rain so much that once she made him dance with her under it as she smiled endlessly — which made him chuckle.

The rosy colour on her cheeks before she turned completely red when she was embarrassed.

Her glorious Diamond Tears which he wanted to make last forever. Fighting to breathe internally as her sobs burn his body leaving him with the worst of the punishments bit the beat feeling of it. Because her weakness was pretty, all of it, for much strange it sounded, for him, her weakness and ice melting was the most alluring and hypnotising things in the world.

He could spend hours talking about her and the ways she had to things or little details he had noticed about her and do not get bored or tired of it at all.

She was the most important thing, his everything, what worried him every day — he despised it, but he could not help it and... And he was starting to love that.

He was willing to give his soul for her if necessary, to live for and for her if she asked him, although she did not even have to ask. He was willing to promise her all the things in the world because he wanted to do so.

The feeling he felt every time he caressed her body and smelled her calming and sweet aroma, the feeling that caused him to see her laugh.

She was cold, very coldblooded.

He knew it.

But he also knew the reason.

He did not know about _all_ her traumas — she had told her about a few ones tho and they were just _horrible_ , all the things her father had done to her... There wasn't a word to describe how shocking and outrageous they were —, but when she got lost in her memories it just hurt him so much.

He had also discovered why in her first years at Hogwarts she did not let anybody touch her. Why she had worn gloves all her first year and why she wore them in some stations of the year.

And that had destroyed him — every single part of his being.

He had kissed her hands and body after that, every single pore, without missing anything. He would always love all her body, the scars even — he had kissed them, too. He kissed them every time he could.

When she had cried and talked about the things she had been forced to do, see and deal with... He had felt beyond angry — there was not a word to describe how he had felt as he hugged her tightly, whispering that she was safe now, that she would never suffer those things never again. He would not let it happen. She did not deserve it.

She had her softy side too and it was certainly beautiful; seeing her blush when he said to her that she looked pretty.

Her eyes still had that coldness, like millions of ice floes being thrown every time you looked at her... But he knew it was just a façade.

It was a way to kill her sadness.

And he would never question that.

He knew she felt save with him, it showed in her eyes.

But the problem was that he did not know if she was truly feeling that. He knew someone could perfectly reflect something but feel something else.

But for his side...

_"By the Gods! You love her... Don't you?" Asked Lhu excited when she found him caressing her hair while she was sleeping in the common room making him frown as he made both's homework. He_ what _?_

_Love?_ What was love? He hadn't grown up in a house with 'love'. His father was the kind of faith person who didn't have a long conversation, and his mother lived to please him even if he made her cry. Was that love? No? So what was it? With Leevanna, he felt at home, so he wasn't. Having her close caused him an inexplicable feeling of warmth.

For Leevanna... Gods... For her, he _feels_. He literally _feels_.

He doesn't know how to call it. But Merlin's sake, he would do whatever for her, no matter what is it. He would simply do it. He would live for her.

And, oh, their constellation?

She is his whole fucking cosmos. Every star of it, every planet, moon or nebulous. _She's every single thing._

His air and freedom. His smile and tears. His hate and love. His anger and his calm.

And he _will_ marry her. Not just because society and their obligations as heirs. _He wants_ to fucking marry her. To make her his Queen. To give her everything.

How foolish he is. When have you seen a dangerous dragon fall for its owner? What a dangerous and burning game indeed. One of them can burn, the other can kill.

And maybe he would let her kill him.

Forget the maybe — he _will_ let her.

She passionately kissed him surrounding his neck with her arms laughing gently and playing with his hair while he smiled at her.

Love.

Maybe... Maybe Lhu was right... Maybe...

_He loves her._


	19. Scream

Leevanna looked at him for a moment, they were still in Brazil.

Draco was still asleep, his blond platinum hair fell gently on his forehead brushing his eyelids, his soft pink lips parted, his button nose, his cheeks...

The sun from the beach was taunting with reach the rest of the bed. Waves so melodious caressing the sand. Salty aroma floating with the humidity of the air. The sky is so sky-blue and no pieces of cotton are there to obstruct the golden.

And she remembers how much she hated the beach until this moment.

Maybe... _Just maybe..._

She wanted to make that precise moment last eternally, for infinity. Keep them there and froze time.

Everything felt so calm... So right.

It was perfect.

_If only it had lasted a few more time..._

But all the good has its end — and their good was too perfect to be true. It was a fairytale that didn't seem to have an end but you are already on the last page, reading every word slowly and trying to let the magic remain.

When she was a child, she used to read fairytales to escape reality. One word per minute if it was possible. They were her safe place. Full of magic and happy endings.

She used to cry so loud when her fingers passed the page to reach the end. Refused to keep reading. Hated everyone in the story for not making it last longer. What was supposed to happen after the Price Charming rescues the girl from her pain? They kiss and that was it? Happily ever after?

According she grew up, she understood nobody was going to tell her what happens after. So she read more books — not only the happy ones — trying to figure out what was supposed to be a correct ending.

She never found it.

Some books were too sad and never ended in the right way — they left a bitter flavour in her mouth and a void in her chest. Other ones were too cheerful and cheesy to be true — cruel lies she hates to read because of the sensation they cause.

There was never a middle. Some clue of what she was looking for.

And when she met him — well, a long time after — she decided she would write her own book. One with the ending she always wanted. To know what happens after.

And somehow she feels this is just the eye of the storm.

In fairytales, it usually lasts one or two pages, short moments when the misery embraces the two lovers until the monster is beaten.

In books... The mess can last chapter followed by chapter. It tears apart your inside. Leaves you exposed. Makes you cry and swear. It's suffocating suffering in its most pure way.

She doesn't remember what she wanted to write. If it was just a few pages or complete chapters.

But ignores it.

In her mind was still that feeling of joy and happiness both had felt the night before. She's floating in it. Everything else is superfluous.

All the things they'd done and laughed about, things they had never thought about doing and had tried for the first time.

How their eyes had filled with sparkles when they stared at each other.

The soft, tasty and warm kiss they had under the fireworks at the Chinese festival. The other one under the paper lamps show. And all the ones which followed next. A dance between ribbons and bows that wrapped their sensations in a tasty way.

His laugh when she did a whim because that weird Peruvian dance was very confusing. How they had tried all the types of beers that country had.

The dark-humoured jokes and grimaces of disgust they had done when they saw all the couples kissing at the feet of the Eiffel Tower. Too cheesy for them.

When they were in Italy, the way his eyes had narrowed at her, his cheeks blushed a bit and had rolled his eyes when she asked him that she could make a sculpture of him — like David. She had laughed a lot for that.

How both had extended their arms feeling the freedom of life when they were visiting Berlin's Brandenburg Gate in Germany.

The excitement in his eyes when they talked about stars and constellations when they were in Puerto Rico, laying down the sand and seeing the sky as they heard the little waves caressing the sand creating a symphony next to the wind.

The quickness with both had drunk milk and water after eating that spicy food in Mexico before bursting in laughter due to the stupidities both committed. The funny things they had done and bought there — those weird big hats, tasty candies, exquisite tortillas and colourful ornaments.

And in Brazil... Brazil was their personal paradise. Their own replica of heaven.

The way they had caressed the other's skin, how they had kissed and how... How they had _made love..._

Her mind hadn't caught it during they were doing it, it had been moments after as they kissed and their skins brushed endlessly. She had really experiment what Lhu had said to her, how all the feelings surface your pores as you drown happily.

And, oh, she _really_ wants to keep drowning.

She caressed his nose carefully to not wake him up, he looked so calm and peaceful that she despised it. She smiled helplessly seeing him frown between dreams.

_It should have been forever._

"Wake up, sleeping beauty," she whispered in his ear making him smile. He placed a hand o her waist attracting her to him.

His body was warm, wrapping her in so much heat that it burned her coldness.

What she thought was his middle finger, commenced to do circles and spirals on her back before he began to caress her hair with all his fingers. Up and down. Running smoothly and carefully scratching. Comforting and satisfying.

And she feels so _happy_.

"Morning," he said still with his eyes closed in her ear, causing her to shudder. Merlin, his morning voice...

_Maybe..._

Leevanna left a kiss on his lips before getting out of bed slowly, her legs hurt. "You're so fucking _gorgeous_ ," he said, looking all over her body. "I hate it."

Gorgeous.

He had never used that word before with her. Well, at least she hadn't heard him say it.

She chuckled turning her head to see him. _His smile_... Gods, his smile.

She was going to fall quite hard from the top where he had her heart. The highest top of the universe. It would collapse how a star does it and the pieces would fall like meteorites. The velocity would set them on fire, would disintegrate them according they penetrate the atmosphere and ozone layer.

Why everything was happening so fast?

It should not be that fast.

 _It should have last more time — the_ happiness _should have last more time._

She walked through the sand until she reached their clothes then shook the sand of it and returned inside to be able to change. It was almost seven in the morning in Brazil and almost ten in England, they needed to go back before they realised their absence at the manor.

A few minutes later, when both were ready, she took her things sighing, she didn't want to leave.

_If only she could make it last forever._

She took his hand and smiled at him before both twisted and Apparated at Malfoy Manor again, ending with their limited Brazilian paradise.

"Could you... Shower with me?" he asked softly, in a mumble. She nodded caressing his hair.

_She should have prayed._

"Let me keep things first," she told him and he nodded.

_She should have not let past so many seconds._

Draco pulled away as he removed his shirt and leave it on the ground. He started heading towards the bathroom that was connected to his room and left the door open for her. She hurried to hide the bag so that no one could see it, it was Muggle things after all.

They shouldn't have those things, they shouldn't have been near Muggles. But it had felt so good to forget who they were for just one night...

 _If only she could make_ that _night last forever_.

When she entered the bathroom, he was already in the shower. She took off her dress once again and rushed into the shower with him. His bending back was turned to her and both hands leaning on the wall with the water falling on him.

She took a mental picture.

She hugged him from behind getting wet as well and passed the palms of her hand across the smooth and hard skin of his chest before embracing him. Just wants to touch him as much as she can right now. He turned and looked up at the showerhead as the water rained on his face, his hair was wet already.

His veiny hand ran through his platinum blond hair that soon enough scrunched up into small faint waves.

She took another mental picture — has taken a lot of them.

"Turn around," he said, and she obeyed feeling how he passed his hands through her hair filling it with shampoo. He left kisses on her neck making her chuckle. "You look so _gorgeous_ all wet."

He kept using that word.

Gorgeous.

Gorgeous.

Gorgeous.

She wasn't gorgeous. She was a disappointment. A failure. A mistake. A horrible and disastrous individual who has made a lot of erroneous choices and deserved the punishments for that. Who has let injustices pass in front of her. Who has covered crimes — she was responsible for a second-degree murder and knew about a fucking first-degree one, for god's sake — and her future didn't paint anything different. Bloody scum who has ruined lots of lives just with existing.

She has hurt people. She is toxic. Manipulative. Problematic. Stubborn. A liar. A _mistake_.

She's all the wrong things in this world.

And he calls her gorgeous.

Would he still call her that way when he discovered all the wrong things she has done?

No. He would repulse her. Spit at her and never fix his beautiful thunderstorm eyes on her erroneous existence. He would _hate_ her.

"Piss off, Malfoy," she chuckled.

Draco slid his hands for her thick thighs going up to her hips and waist still kissing her neck. His finger dancing over her pores, warming them with the gentleness and delicacy he always uses with her.

She relaxed at that instant and turned off all her defences, all her barriers. All her ice melted and her empire began to collapse... And its Queen wasn't doing anything about it, she was watching, seeing all the shades being buried. The kingdom tries to find an enemy, a traitor between them that could be the threat and main reason for their fall. But what if their governor is the traitor?

She should not have let her ice walls fall.

Then he rinsed her hair and she turned. She took the same bottle of mint shampoo and placed a little in her hand and then passed it through his hair while he held her by the waist to not let her fall — because of the wet and slippery floor and also because she needed to be in tippy toes to just reach at least his neck.

The friction their humid skins make is delicious. It feels sloppy but dry and as if being under the rain.

"And now... I wash your hair," she said in a low tone, massaging his hair once again before approaching it to the water to remove the shampoo in it. He smiled underwater while he saw her focussing so as not to leave traces of the product. Her front had little lines due to her concentration.

She couldn't help but blush and chuckle softly. He just stares at her with a playful smile that she knows so well and wishes not to do so because she knows the meaning.

"Stop staring at me," she muttered a bit embarrassed as her cheeks turned even redder. Is about to use the shampoo's foam to cover his face.

"Make me," and his eyes narrowed playfully at her making her chuckle as she denied with her head in leisure. "Can I keep staring now?"

"Fine," she chuckled again as the warmth inside her chest rose up.

What the hell was she doing? Gods.

Leevanna hated that feeling. She hates... _feel_. But she couldn't help it. Draco was so — so he and — she didn't know how to describe it; the warmth in her heart every time she looked at him.

She hadn't grown up with her parents, she had done it alone — at least after Severus left when she was eight —, so she had learned to be alone and not feel alone. But if he wasn't... If he wasn't there, _with her_ , the world fell into pieces.

He was becoming her world.

He was becoming her everything.

Holy fuck's sake. She hates it — him.

How did she stop feeling that? How did she close her heart again? How she could make the ice walls appear again? How she could build her empire without being received as a traitor for letting the sun hurt her?

_How can she rip him off her soul, body, heart and mind?_

She had controlled her emotions _all_ her life, even the small ones like sadness or happiness.

She was very good at that, not letting her barriers fall just because yes — because of _someone._

She was very good at constructing ice walls that surrounded her all the bloody time.

But one day she looked at him and just... Her brain stopped thinking.

Her brain stopped turning on the alarms of danger and constructing the fucking ice walls around her when he was with her.

And maybe it shouldn't have stopped.

And her brain know was infected with him and all that came with it.

She couldn't stop thinking of him, feeding her body with a strange sensation she isn't familiar with, invading her being and betraying herself. She was breaking her own rules, commandments she had forced to comply successfully.

Now her mind was filled with him and just him. How _wonderful_.

It was injected with him and the things he did. Why did she start paying attention to those things? Now she couldn't oblivion them. She remembered every single one of them constantly — as a religious ritual.

He had her complete devotion. Her total attention was on him.

She could tell him to go and fuck himself, but then she could smile at him and say how he looked good in whatever he was wearing.

He tested her patience all the bloody time driving her out of her mind and just laugh because she got mad and started yelling and hitting him with a pillow.

She knows there are things they didn't know about the other, and she was willing to keep her dark secrets just for herself but then — then he — he appeared out of nowhere and made her want to know everything about him and made him know every single thing about her. And she — curiously she feels _fine_ with it.

And he is like the sun.

Because she knows the sun can burn her, can wound her beautiful empire of ice, leaving her vulnerable and fragile. Knows the sun makes her darkest shades see the surface, she knows its purpose is leaving her weak and wounded. She knows the sun can lit her on fire and make her hyperventilate, dying not because of how deep is the wound, she dies for the suffocation and despair she has. But she also knows it is a temptress, taunting her to touch it and burn herself. Leaving her hands at risk before she could fold.

And she hates the sun.

But she doesn't hate him.

And he is like the sun.

How she could not hate him but hate the sun if they were the same thing?

The answer is right there, she knows, she doesn't want to unwrap it, she doesn't want to know the solution for the messy riddle.

But she isn't ready.

Because she knows that the answer is that she doesn't hate the sun. She hates the feeling it provokes inside her, the constant ache in her heart she had been trying to deal with. But she doesn't hate the sun, she knows. That's why she doesn't hate him.

And she knows. Knows that the only way of getting to know him completely is by approaching the sun. Is leaving her ice melt totally and being vulnerable, powerless. Is saying the war between winter and spring is over. Is quitting her beautiful throne. Is betraying herself and build her within again. Is letting him warm her until she isn't made of ice anymore.

She doesn't know how to express or call the warmth in her heart.

It burns her like shite. And for the first time in all her life, she doesn't have the answer to a question. For the first time, she is in blank about a riddle, looking at the puzzle she cannot resolve.

So she thinks. And thinks. And replays the images in her mind.

Is a sheet that blurry her vision and makes her see all the things she had been recollecting as memories throughout the years.

And there it is. The first time they met.

Both were kids, the two are twelve years old, and barely their eyes collided they were already fighting for something, trying to prove the other was better.

And it is like these VHS videos that are being reproduced in her mind, as a Muggle cinema screen which lets her see everything full colour.

She sees them through all that year, the things that happened. Until she reaches the most colourful one, the first time he saw her in a total state of panic and the tears sliding down her cheeks. It feels pretty, hearing his voice so distant but yet so familiar that made her laugh is one of her darkest nights, when she was lonely and he came to be lonely with her.

And then the image changes, now is him with tears running down his cheeks and she is the one who is talking and talking about the new book she had. She sees his smile as the tears slowly fade away when she complains about something not giving any type of sense, and he laughs when her cat scares her.

Both made laugh the other. Both were lonely and they came to be lonely with each other. And it feels pretty, beautiful.

The memories keep reproducing, making her remember and see things from a different perspective, in hindsight.

And there they are, he is holding her in his arms when he caught her in the air, preventing her from dying when she began to fall from a broomstick.

The next scene is them fighting because none of them knew how the fuck brew a potion she doesn't remember the name. They were always fighting. Seconds later it changes again and now they are laughing because Theodore threw pumpkin pie at Blaise and he threw him butterbeer in revenge, Pansy, Daphne and Lhu are with them too.

Her next memory is her blushing slightly because she just asked if he was okay with Dobby being free. And both are talking, about Merlin knows what, laughing and teasing as they always did. And he tells her he's fine with Dobby leaving his manor because now the elf can be happy without his father being mean to him.

The memories of their third year at Hogwarts begins, making her pass through all the bloody confusion she was during all that time.

She sees them colliding glances for the first time at dinner and fighting as always, saying things about the other's hair before both made fun of Harry Potter. It mixes with the memory of them in the Slytherin common room in the middle of the night, she's talking about her book before a kid passes by their side making them laugh.

It is like a movie, passing in front of her eyes all the things she'd been forgetting about.

Now, in the memory, she is running through the hallways until she reaches the hospital wing, where Madam Pomfrey asks what is she doing before he and she are left alone, teasing each other as always. And it passes in front of her, how she reacted when he cornered her on the wall, his confused look before he made her laugh. It fades away ending with her making a lighting-cloud appear above her before both collided glances and looked away.

It's funny, for her, that memory is the funniest thing ever now that she has admitted what she's feeling.

The emotions feel fresh when the next scene is him saving her from the Dementor. How she had thrown her arms at his neck before he belted her with his arms in a hug they had never imagine it could be possible to give.

A current travel her body when the next image she sees is the way he looks at her as both are ice-skating on The Black Lake. And she realises she had never seen that look in his eyes before until now. The beautiful landscape is surrounding them, and she is mesmerised by it, but he only seems to look at her. And she smiles.

The images fade away as smoke when all the next scenarios are them fighting and hurting the other as they had always done. Their last fight is the most coloured but dark at the same time. They are screaming so many things she hadn't even remembered until now, hurtful things she hopes not say again.

And there it is. Their first kiss. The ghost of it explodes in her and tears up another ice wall.

She forgets summer quickly and fixes her view the first time they met after their fight, how both tried to look away but the fire inside them was stronger.

And she thinks she never knew how he found her in the girls' lavatory after the Defence Against The Dark Arts class. She never knew how he reached her hiding place and put an arm around her before start caressing her hair.

Her brain goes fuzzy when their duelling passes in front of her and mixes with their fight before they kissed for the second time. And it isn't until now that she realises that she missed his lips so much before bringing them together again.

It is as if all the sensations are still fresh.

And she remembers what she said to him that night in The Astronomy Tower when both were high. And she remembers how he kissed her after that, hiving her the hints of how it would be.

And clearly, she discovered it.

Her skin feels the ghost his touch yet again when her mind divagates in The Yule Ball memories. They burning all night and saying how much they need the other, how much they hated needing the other. And maybe that night is filled with guilt, pain and despise, but it feels beautiful remembering it again. It felt beautiful too at that time.

Because even if she had a long list of lovers who kissed and caressed her, none of them mattered to her, except him. He was her only exception.

All she sees next is her in her denial phase the eleven days they didn't talk at all and just ignored each other until they visited Hogsmeade village.

And she remembers all the looks, playful smirks and childish fights they had after that. How they tried to keep it low-low until their house-mates discovered them in the blond's room.

She remembers all those days that she calmed his anxiety just being with him. How she fucked it up for her little neglect. Her agony due to the ache in the heart because he didn't look at her. How he had defended her and carried her to his dorm before both brought their bodies together in an eternal dance of pleasure.

These last months are her last memories — and Salazar, they have fought _a lot_ —, ending everything with their heavenly Brazil.

How she could explain all the things she felt? The messy puzzle in her head was still without any solution possible. It was still dishevelled.

Her mind divagates in his presence — all him.

And she really wishes how to explain those weird tickles in her belly when she looks at him. The sensations his smile produces in her insides and how her heart seems to flutter and stutter inside her every time he touches her.

She feels the warmth on her skin when she remembers his eyes looking at her with all the delicacy in the world, all the needing he has of her. Her hands tingle when it seems that she's caressing his silky platinum blond hair again. Her lips prickle feeling his against her flesh.

And suddenly she is reproducing images of him inside her head.

He walking. He laughing. He seeing her. He smiling. He playing the piano. He doing whatever she can imagine making those tickles appear again.

The way he frowns and fidgets with his wand while looking at nothing in particular when he is concentrated on something. How his eyes narrow when he thinks he's got the answer just to close and re-think the whole thing again.

How he smiles when he has a wicked idea in his mind. Or when he teases her — she has a love-hate relationship with that one. The way of his smirk when he's mad or being sarcastic. How his eyes glisten when he sees something he likes.

He drinks his tea with one spoon of honey and milk. And there has to be biscuits aside.

He doesn't like chocolate except in the biscuits Narcissa makes — those are his favourites except the vanilla ones are recently baked. Straw-minty-berry deluxe sugar quills and Blood-favoured lollipops are his favourites Honeydukes' sweets.

Lemon tartlets make him melancholic but curiously are his favourite dessert. He doesn't have a favourite meal but if he has to choose, it'd be tomato soup — though it makes him wonder about Dobby.

Favourite station is autumn and spring. He likes the rain and usually stands out in the garden just to close his eyes and feel the pouring.

Favourite saga of books? _Their Breaths_ by Beatrix Bloxam — six books written from three different points of view. Suspense, dark magic, gore and a glimpse of love that in reality was an obsession. Personally gifted by her.

 _Petals of our hate_ by Lord Byron was his favourite collection of 'romantic' poems.

But if he needed to read for school, his favourite writers would be Owle Bullock, Phineas Bourne and Charles Demengeot.

He has studied the stars and cosmos since he's three years old and his favourite constellation is Draco — she had laughed, no lies here. And he has a favourite star.

_"It has a magnitude at 2.4, outshines Beta Draconis by nearly half a magnitude," he sighed, "and Alpha Draconis by over a magnitude."_

_"But it's contrary to its gamma-designation," she frowned._

_"She likes to shine," he shrugged smiling making her chuckle._

_"I see that," she smiled._

_"You're my Eltanin."_

_"That isn't the brightest star."_

_"No, but is the brightest in_ my _constellation."_

Theodore is the closest to a best friend but he likes hanging out with Fred — and make pranks with him. Blaise's more his personal advisor. Though he prefers them away if he's having a rough time. He doesn't want to lose them.

He would rather say 'forgive me' or 'please' than admit he's afraid, mistaken, needs help or is having a rough time. He's stubborn and his attitude is everything but easy or understandable. He's possessive, easily gets jealous and doesn't like to share.

When he was nine, Narcissa took him with a Psycho Healer who diagnosed him with anxiety, clinical depression, controllable anger issues and insomnia. She also said he was proneness to abandonment problems.

His fingers slightly twitch or drum against his leg when he's anxious.

He adores his mum with all his life and hates to see her suffering, she's one of her favourite persons. The relationship with his father is quite hard but he tries to make him proud and would do whatever to see him smiling that way at him.

His favourite memory takes place when he was five years old, he and his parents were watching the stars when it started to rain. Narcissa took Draco's hand a ran up to a close mud puddle to start jumping on it. Lucius had refused until his wife threw him mud and he started to chase her and his son.

Though he'd said to her he has another one.

He has a picture of his first day of classes at King's Cross station on his manor room's desk. Both of his parents are with him, smiling and all.

Astronomy, Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts are his favourite classes and Severus is his favourite teacher.

The first time he Occluded, he was eight and since then he does it so naturally that sometimes he doesn't know he's doing it.

Dutch and French are the first two idioms he learned when young — he likes them — and he plans to study Chinese — he has decided China is his favourite country — and Korean.

He likes it when she wears skirts or is simply with his shirt and knickers. Her curls and eyes are his favourite thing — he doesn't know she knows.

Playing the piano is his favourite pastime and certainly he does it extremely well. He knows how to draw but has never shown her any — neither his few poems. He loves Quidditch and when he was six, he wanted to play professionally.

He has a special table in the Hogwarts library — only she knows where is it — and hates if someone else sits there — so much that he has put a Disillusionment charm.

When young he used to ride the winged horses he has at the stable in his manor. Athens, a Granian, was his favourite.

He's sort of scared of peacocks and terrified of hippogriffs — she'd laughed about that too.

His favourite magical creatures are Firedrakes, Horned serpents and Thunderbirds. He respects dragons and loves to take the piss of Grindylows — tell her about that one.

Very loud noises like explosion or terror-struck screams frighten him and it could end with an anxiety crisis.

A rare habit he shares with her is smoking fags at midnight at the Black Lake or the Astronomy Tower. He loves the sensation of Muggle-weed and alprazolam. Opium makes him be in his happy place.

Last year he—

And she realises he has taken all over her.

And she loves it. She loves being his. She loves hearing him say he is hers. She loves how he touches her. She loves how he smiles and looks at her. She loves his presence.

Loves every single little detail and thing.

She's an artist. Severus had told her she counts as one because of the things she did — painting, drawing, writing, her way of thinking.

And she thinks that if she is an artist, she needs inspiration because everybody does, everybody needs a favourite song, a beautiful melody. Everybody needs someone.

She needs him. He is her inspiration, her favourite song and melody. She really needs him.

Because when her world is falling apart and her brain is torturing her, she just needs to look at him to break up the dark with the light. His light.

Is like the starts holding the moon.

_"All my starts, for you."_

_"You are_ my _star,_ mine _."_

_"What if we form a constellation?"_

And she thinks is right there where she belongs, by his side and knowing he would never leave her alone.

His presence blurry her vision just like Kaleidoscope colours that are covering them in an incessant sway of feelings.

He is all she needs, with every breath she breathes, he is the only thing she needs.

He had saved her from death. She knows. He had always been there to rescue her. And that makes her feel like a princess who found her Prince Charming.

He will always come for her. To save her. He is her salvation — her freedom.

But the puzzle is still incomplete. She had found a way to decipher the riddle, yes, but it seemed as if something was missing.

He had crossed all her barriers effortlessly — all the ice walls she had built with such effort —, he had seen her cry when no one else — apart from another few, selected people — had. She felt weak in front of him — but it was a good weakness... And that scared the shit out of her.

She knew that having him closer was not going to bring anything good, she was surrounded by such darkness and coldness — death after death follower by murder and torture. Lies, pain, tears, suffering and wicked games... Fuck's sake, if something happened to him because of her, she was never going to forgive herself.

She could not forgive herself for so many things already to add him to the list.

It was too much. Too fucking overwhelming.

Her fingers unconsciously wrapped around the tiny star pendant. It is as if she could feel him close that way.

"Darling," called her Narcissa, taking her out of her thoughts. Both were in the greenhouse she had — the green-eyed helped her take care of the flowers. "Are you okay, Leevy? You seem a bit... _Lost_."

Narcissa Malfoy was the only one — obviating Severus, Lhu, Draco and Luna — who Leevanna knew she could trust and express her feelings with and not being judged for it and the way she thought.

Narcissa had been like a mother to Leevy since she met her. The woman had always been there for the girl, she even sometimes saw herself in her when she was younger.

Leevanna had been through a lot during her childhood — she was more than traumatised and was still learning how to deal with it in the correct way — and Narcissa knew it, she had seen and had knowledge about all the horrible things her cruel father had done to her.

If Nicholas Vaughan could even be ever called a father, obviously.

The witch had taken care of her — when no one else apart from Severus Snape had — and make her believe that mothers _could_ live for their children, love them so unconditionally that they would kill anyone who hurt them.

And Leevanna was like a daughter for Narcissa, the daughter she never had or thought she would have.

And she loved her so much and was so grateful that the girl saw her as a mother figure and trusted her the way she did.

"I — I don't know," Leevanna replied giving up and caressing a flower that she had planted a few minutes ago. "My chest hurts... But not in a bad way, if not... I don't really know how to express it."

"As a heat that runs through your whole body and makes your chest want to explode?" She asked her softly and cutting the leaves from a tall silver.

And Narcissa has just made her see the last piece she needs to complete her messy puzzle.

" _Yes_... Yes, just like that," she answered somewhat confused placing water in the pots. "What is that? _The warmth_."

Narcissa melted.

"Love," she responded with a smile approaching her to help her with the flowers.

 _That word... That_ fucking _word._

"Love?" She asked frowning and spraying water in the trellises that grew through the windows. Narcissa nodded.

She knew that the girl was not familiar with the feeling and really didn't know what exactly was it — although she considered that it wasn't something simple or to be taken easily —, so she would try and explain it to her.

Narcissa sighed.

"When I met Lucius, I was one or two years younger than you," she began passing her fingerprints through a rose. "He caught my attention pretty quickly and I captured his as well. And how not? I was one of the few people who wasn't afraid to look him in the eye, that wasn't afraid to challenge him or provoke him," she continued looking at Leevanna. "We fell in love quickly — _very quickly_. He hurt me, I hurt him, I suffered and cried, but here I am," she chuckled before sipping her tea and handing one cup to the girl. "When we got married, I knew that he was on the side of The Dark Lord and that didn't matter because I was too, I didn't mind risking my life for him in the first war," she let out a small sigh. "When I had Draco, before the first war ended, I knew I had to lie for him and my son... _My family is the most important thing in my life_. I would give my life for Lucius. And I live for both of them — my husband and my son, and even if I suffer and cry sometimes... I know that Lucius loves me and I love him with all my soul."

"How did you realise that? That you... Loved him," Leevanna asked before she cleared her throat softly as she kept accommodating more flowers after drinking her tea.

It was a hard word.

It had burned like the fucking hell when it left her throat.

"I looked him in the eye one day and I just knew it," she replied sighing. "Lucius is... _is Lucius_. He's cold and emotionally distant, he's not going to tell me that he loves every day of his life, because he's not like that," she chuckled. "He's not cruel either, he can be very heartless, but it's always keeping an eye on me or Draco. His love language is touching, doing things for me, remembering little details, not words. In that sense, Draco is like him," the girl laughed nodding.

Yes... Draco was that type of person.

"I admire you, Cissy. I _really_ do," Leevanna sighed. "My parents don't love each other, I know, I always have known it — they never love me either I think..." she frowned. "So I never learned what love was and I grew up surrounded by loneliness and cold, feeling that something was missing. But when he's with me... I don't know, Cissy. I don't like... _feeling_. And you know it."

"He _loves_ you, it shows in his eyes," she said smiling, and it was at that time that Draco arrived, but none realised it. "The question here is... Do _you_ love him? You are prepared for that?"

If she was prepared for that?

She hadn't had been and wasn't prepared for a lot of things actually, things that _nobody_ should be prepared for.

When she was eight, Severus had asked if she was prepared for him leaving her alone in that cold manor she had as a house — he needed to go with a certain blond boy as a favour for his father and could not take the girl with him because her father would not permit it. Leevanna thought a lot about it, but she did not hesitate and said 'yes'. She did know that she could not go with him, and she did not want to at that moment. Severus left and she had been fine.

When she was nine, she had been asked if she was prepared to leave one of her baby dragons die because the beast had been born sick and had no other destiny but that — even if she did whatever she could. She had not cried or been angry. She understood it. Very well being honest. Before the doctor killed it, she had put a little flower crown on its tiny head and closed her eyes when a doctor cast the spell. Two months after that, she let the other baby dragons be transported to Rumania. They were very big now, and her mother hadn't wanted animals like those growing in her house without any control. Leevanna had understood too and, when specialised people came to her house to take away her dragons, she left a kiss on their heads without being afraid if they burned her or no. The beasts had wailed and cried as they left because she had been their mum for a long time and would always see her like that — but she did not regret it. It was the best and she knew it. It was the best to let them go. And she had been able to see them again on multiple occasions.

When she was ten and _that_ had happened, she was clearly _not_ prepared for what she had been forced to see. Nobody asked her though, and she knew that nobody would've done it. Because _no one_ asks things like those.

When she was eleven, Severus had asked if she was prepared for immersing herself completely in the Dark Arts subject — not tasks or The Dark Lord himself, just the dark magic, the simple and innocent things —, that had been an easy question for example. She had said yes when he spoke because she loved that kind of magic and did not care about the other's opinion — she had never done it.

When she was twelve, someone had asked her if she was prepared for duelling her father in a 'amicable' wand fight — it was summer and his friends were home. She had been a bit scared, but no one — not even Severus Snape himself — noticed. She had even beat her father. But that did not mean that she wasn't scared of him after that, although he had not said anything to her.

When she was thirteen, she had been asked if she was prepared to talk about her traumas with a specialist — Narcissa's idea when her parents were not there to object or even have knowledge about. She had doubted because she was scared that if she talked with someone else about the way she thought, they could judge her and intern her... But that did not happen. She had been in four of six sessions and it had been good. Really good being honest. She had not gone again though, at least not since the last time the woman took her in her third year at Hogwarts.

When she was fifteen, Remus Lupin had asked her if she was prepped to confront her Boggart — a few weeks after she had discovered his secret by seeing it and a few days before he left Hogwarts. She said 'I don't know'. He had told her that it was okay if she could not face it because it was very difficult for someone like her. One day later, she appeared in his office and asked where the Boggart was. Lupin had smiled at her and told her that she was very brave for deciding to do it. She had confronted her Boggart successfully three days after.

When she was sixteen, she had been asked if she was prepared to attend Cedric Diggory's funeral — who the fuck was though. Who was prepared to see a dear friend in a fucking coffin?. She had said 'no', but not because she was afraid of what she would see, she was afraid of her brain. She had gone, but she had not cried, she just stood there remembering funny things that made her press her lips and leave the place faking that she was crying so she could laugh without being judged.

That same year, she had faced The Dark Lord face to face, by accident, but she had. No one had asked if she was prepared for that tho. But she had done it. She had been terror-struck, but she had done it and did not do a single wince.

And now... Narcissa Malfoy was asking if she was prepared to love someone.

Was she?

She wasn't ready. Still wants to cling one more time to her falling ice walls.

_"Don't ready or don't want to?"_

She wants.

But is she ready?

"How to love someone so _broken_ , Cissy? H-How do you do it? How do you love someone who had suffered so much?" Her eyes were watered, the woman understood who she was talking about. "How do you do it? He will never be my Lucius, _I wouldn't die for him, Cissy_..."

Something in Draco's chest hurt, it broke. A tear rolled down his cheek while looking at the open black velvet box in his hands, he closed it hard, and left the place, he had heard enough.

"... _I would live for him_ ," and tears fell from her eyes. " _I'm_ his Lucius somehow if we want to put an example, and I don't know how he loves me, how he does it knowing that I'm so broken, so traumatised and so fucked up," she laughed cleaning her tears. " _I love him, Cissy_."

And finally she could solve the riddle. That word was the last piece she didn't know she needed until that time.

"Oh, Leevy," Narcissa said, embracing her while both laughed with tears in their eyes. "I know you do..." The woman sighed feeling happy. " _I know you do..._ "

It had been hard for her to say it out loud, really — to say that word out loud. But she did not regret it, she was happy about opening with someone else and not letting her brain control her emotions.

And she remembers their constellation. The meaning of the necklace around her neck and the ring on her finger.

If she is in the need to marry someone only to please her parents — father — once in her life, she would marry him. She trusts him. Really, really trusts him. Wouldn't trust anybody else to spend the rest of her life with. He is the only one, her only exception.

She would fight him with all her life about books, biscuits and Arithmancy problems if that was their happiness. She would dance with him and hear him play the piano. They would look at the sky for hours and just talk about the universe and its wonders. They would play hide-and sick until both ended in the water. She would make him wear flower crowns and he could teach her Quidditch. Both would read books for hours until two days had passed. They would visit all the countries and cities if he wanted to.

Did he want to form a constellation? They would form fucking thousands. Millions. Billions. Infinite constellations. Just the two of them. Shining upon the dark blue page.

He is her black. Her black magic. Her zero.

She was happy about not freezing her emotions anymore.

And maybe she would regret it later.

When Leevanna went up back to the blond's room, the lights were off and the only light that leaked was that of sunset. She frowned when she didn't see him anywhere.

She approached the night table when she saw a sparkle that stood out from a box. A ring. She smiled. But before she could see it better, Draco came in, scaring her.

"Merlin, I almost had a heart attack," she laughed approaching him. "Something wrong?" She asked when she saw his red eyes and dry tears.

" _How do you love someone so broken?_ " She lost her smile at that instant. "Tell me, how do you do it, Leevanna?"

"You heard..."

"Oh, of course, I heard," he laughed bitterly. "You know what else I heard? How did you say to my mother that I wasn't anything for you."

"That's not true... Draco, I—"

"Shut up! SHUT UP LEEVANNA!" she jumped scared and taking a step back away from him. He smiled sarcastically, tears rolled on his cheeks. Perfect, now she was also scared. Just what he needed. "I fucking change my whole life for you, I broke my fucking rules for you."

She laughed bitterly.

If he had changed his life, she had clearly done it too.

"AND YOU THINK I FUCKING DON'T?!" she yelled. "It — It terrifies me what I am capable to do for you!"

"Don't fucking lie," he said sarcastically.

"I am _not_ fucking lying!" she shouted before she took air deeply. "Draco, I don't know how to fucking express what I feel—"

"Feel?" he mocked. "Feel?! You don't fucking feel anything! YOU ARE A FUCKING ICE QUEEN! CONGRATULATIONS!"

_"I have a love-hate relationship with that," she chuckled seeing the stars._

_"I don't think you are though," he said and she looked at him. "You are not made of ice."_

_"Says?" she raised an eyebrow._

_"You are_ not _an ice floe because of the way you deal with your traumas, Leevanna Vaughan."_

"AND YOU ARE A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT WHO CONTROLS EVERYTHING THAT SURROUNDS HIM! JUST LIKE HIS FATHER! Happy about it?!"

_"Well, I don't think you control everything either," now he looked at her._

_"How do you know that?" he raised an eyebrow._

_"Because I am here because_ I want _to be here, with you, Draco Malfoy."_

"Oh, fuck this! And fuck you! _I fucking hate you!_ "

_"Never hate me, Draco."_

The air left her.

"Oh yeah?! Fuck this shit then! _I hate you, too!_ " his and her eyes were full of tears which burned their skin.

"Then, fucking leave!"

"Fine! I am fucking _leaving you_!"

And she did, she didn't want to... But she did.

_"Never leave me, Leevanna."_

The air left him.

Because she had never crossed the door before.

Narcissa saw her rushing down the stairs and with a sea of tears in her eyes.

"Leevy what — did something happened? Are you okay? Is Draco okay?"

"I'm _so_ _sorry_ , Cissy," she told her in tears as she trembled and moved away from the woman. "I — I just — I can't stay here. I — I will send someone to pick up my things," and as soon as she said that, she went out of the mansion door and took out her wand to leave at once.

Draco, in his room, fell on his knees crying.

The air began to fail him while drowning in his crying. Narcissa went up running the stairs when she heard something crash; he had punched the mirror in his room.

"FUCK!" he yelled punching the glass repeatedly making the blood splash everything. He pushed all the things on his desk with anger and then throw the furniture to the ground.

 _Fever_.

But like fever... With a sheen of sweat and pale skin that highlights the whimpers sunken, dark circled eyes, chattering teeth and the shaky hands that spills the glass of water that's handed to them.

He was too weak to get worked up beyond muttering, "Fuck," hoarsely under his breath.

He put a hand on his chest trying to stop the pain he felt in his heart. Narcissa entered the room scared and embrace his son feeling how he hold her tightly screaming on her chest.

Maybe... Just _maybe_.

When she arrived at Hogwarts, the world stopped and slowed.

"Leevy?" Lhu looked at her confused. She had arrived the day before since her parents had been angry with her by being at Grimmauld Place with the Weasley's. They didn't approve of her relationship. "What are you doing here? Where is Draco?"

Leevanna fell on her knees feeling how the air was missing when she heard his name. She felt as if someone pierced her heart with a burning metal spear again and again — slowly, tortuously. Punishing her.

Lhu approached her running and surrounded her with her arms sticking her to her chest while she still kept crying. The brunette was scared of not knowing what to do to help her best friend.

Her screams of despair resonated throughout the room.

Lhu took her cheeks and removed her hair from her face while the green-eyed tried to take air. Leevanna screamed again against her chest as she clung to her clothes.

The _pain_... The pain she felt...

Lhu rocked her on the ground hugging her tightly while the girl clung to her sweater crying.

"Sh... Sh, it's okay..." whispered the curly-haired one scared, listening to her heartbreaking screams and crying. A tear ran down her cheek still in shock and scared as fuck.

The only thing that could happen for such pain was that Draco was dead... Was he dead? No, no way that was possible, she would give her own life for him. So...

_"Oh Merlin, I_ hate _you so much," Lhu said in a ladder when she saw Leevanna's sixth victory in magical chess. Both were twelve years old._

 _"Don't —_ Don't _say that," the girl responded freezing. "Y-You don't mean it, right?" The air became scarce to her._

 _"Of course_ not _! Sorry, I forgot how much you despise that word," the girl apologised before crawling on her knees and throwing her arms around her neck. "_ I love you _," she said and Leevanna squirmed a little because she wasn't familiar with the action, but she stayed still after a second without knowing how to respond._

_She let Lhu win the following five times._

_Everything so she didn't say she hated her again, she couldn't stand it, she was the only friend she had and she couldn't lose her. She couldn't stand being hated by someone more, she hated herself enough._

The twins and Lee arrived a few days later. Days when Leevanna had only cried, vomited and had cruel and torturous nightmares.

She didn't talk, she only kept staring at nothing, lost in her cruel thoughts. It was as if she was afraid to utter a word. As if doing so would lead to punishment.

Lhu explained to them what had happened, but not no one knew what exactly had happened for her to be like that.

"Leevy, you _have_ to eat..." said Lhu.

She was still silent, staring at nothing.

"Leevy, why don't we play pranks to Umbitch?" This time it was Fred's turn.

She continued in silence, sitting, staring at nothing.

Fifteen days had passed.

Her red eyes, her red dark circles, the unhealthy paleness of her skin, her hair was lifeless, her eyes neither. The tears remained dry on her cheeks, her lips dry and cracked. She was thinner and her cheekbones and collarbones had accentuated... And the coldness in her eyes too.

Fifteen fucking days.

"Leevanna, _please_ , talk to me," Lhu begged, kneeling in front of her, but the girl didn't look at her, she kept staring at nothing. She didn't speak.

"I-I can't..." Lee said passing a hand through his hair. "Where the hell is Malfoy?"

"I haven't seen him," Fred sighed. And it was true, no one had seen him.

"Damn it, Leevanna, talk," Lee approached her taking her shoulders and shaking her softly. She looked at him, her eyes were empty — the coldness they had almost killed him —, she looked at nothing again.

She didn't want to talk.

"Miss Vaughan," everyone except the aforementioned one, turned their heads watching Snape at the door of the room. "And what... Are you doing here?"

"Er — um..." George tried to say.

"Never mind," Snape said shaking his head and then turned his gaze to his goddaughter. "Get out of the room," everyone nodded leaving the girl alone with the professor.

He had noticed that she didn't attend class so he had decided to go and see her make sure she was okay.

The thing that she wasn't.

"She doesn't talk," Lhu said from the door, the boys had already left. "It's been fifteen days since she hasn't spoken," Snape nodded and she closed the door. In a second, he invaded her mind caring little or nothing whatever he saw. He understood when he saw her latest memories.

_Hate._

She thought that... Oh, God.

"Leevy," he called her kneeling at her height, she didn't respond. "Look at me," she did it and her eyes filled with tears at that moment, the pain returned to her chest. He wrapped her in a hug listening to her scream in pain on his chest while clinging to his robes. "Oh, Leevy..."

 _Her screams_... Her screams hurt.

Severus felt the same pain he felt when he saw Lily dead on the floor of her house.

Seeing his only family cry and scream thinking that the person she loved the most hated her... It was heartbreaking.

He caressed her hair hearing her crying loudly, he tightened her more. "It's okay, it's okay... You can cry... You can cry..." He whispered listening to her screaming until she gasped, then again... And _again._


	20. Azalea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: attempt to suicide, obsessive thoughts.

What makes us yearn for the comfort of others? Why does a broken heart hurt so?

It feels as if agony had taken human form just to intertwine her arm with us and never let us go. Every single second, she is with us. Doesn't let us breathe, think or even be ourselves. Drowns us in the deepest part of her.

Love imbues itself into our very bones, our very souls. There are no perhaps in believing love is the greatest and most dangerous magic in the world.

It consumes our lives. Blows away our being. Twists our souls until they break. Makes us collapse over and over again.

From being pure and beautiful — fulfilling and everything we want — it becomes a thunderstorm with hurricanes that destroy everything in their path. Starts with a little rain, a mass of air you confound with a cloud and — when it's too late and the danger has already begun — you have millions of people killed by a cyclone.

Love leaves trauma. Lethal wounds.

_ Flaws of a Clearing _ by Amorette Deneuve — an expert in love — is one of Leevanna's favourite books since she is ten years old. The book is everything but happy and she really loves it. It is the closest of what she was looking for — the ending she wanted to know of.

It starts when a man, by the chance of fate, decides to go to a foreign forest supposedly has been never known human contact and it was near his house. Deneuve never mentions the man's name or if he was a wizard, but she does mention how the man felt before finding the clearing.

He, a lonely man who had problems to socialise, thought the world was a deep black hole that suckles our being in it. Makes us slaves of it. Destroys hopes, dreams and the happy wondering you may have someday before. The man perceived the sadness as a secondary effect of this deep whole. It was the way the world let us know we would never get out of it. We would be slaves forever of his rules and injustice.

His life is shite — in literal words of the author — and he doesn't think it would get better any soon. He doesn't have any friends and less a romantic interest. Nobody knows much of him and certainly don't notice his presence — and he isn't going to do anything to change it either. He prefers not to talk. Be lonely. Silent. Watching the world fade in shades of grey.

That day, even though outside the forest was raining, rays of sunlight illuminated the man's green path. When he found the clearing by chance, nothing got his notoriety but a blue azalea in the middle of the clearing. It was the only one of its kind and the sun seemed to know because one of his rays was glistening it in a way that made it look glorious.

And for that moment while his eyes and soul were hypnotised by the dazzling and enthralling view, all his unhappy and sick faces followed the wind and burned in the sun.

When his fingers caressed its petals, his soul felt so complete, so calm and delighted in an indescribable way.

The azalea was so pulchritudinous that he determined contentment would follow him if he cut the flower and took it with him.

But he decided not to. The view was enough beauteous that, instead of chopping it, he decided to go to see her every day for the rest of his life. The blue azalea was his elixir of life. He would go to the clearing as if going was his daily dose of oxytocin and dopamine.

According to the days, the man started talking with the azalea. Started seeing the flower as if _she_ was the woman of his dreams. He would let the words escape his lips and his problems to meet the wind — thing he had never done with anyone or even tried to do.

There were lots of other flowers: camellias, asters, heathers, orchids, but none captured his attention. The others were all the same in comparative with his precious and unique azalea. None of the other ones understood him as the azalea did. Nobody in his depressive and grey world would ever be as important as his azalea.

He soon became obsessed with being with his unique way of feeling himself. He would have obsessive thoughts about how to encapsulate the azalea and keep it away from others who may want to steal his elixir of life. How to create a scientific way to make his lover last forever. How to make _her_ human.

Suffering and misery would colonise his body when he couldn't find a split of a second to refugee with his azalea. It felt like pure grief and soreness that burned him. Emotional pain soon became physical.

In the night, he would have nightmares about the misfortune of his flower.

How it may die. How her sisters and brothers would make a conspiracy against her to end with her beauty — to yank her from his side because of their jealousy. His dreams were horrible, so much that twice he ended in a hospital due to his hyperventilation and panic.

Leevanna shared a few things with the man of the book.

The nightmares were the worst part of her days since she had arrived at Hogwarts, and since that had been four weeks.

Four weeks full of pain.

Her heart ached, and the drowsy numbness pained her senses, as an anchor of infinite weight. And she is drowning, begging for a breath of air. Air that would never come.

At night she would lay in her bed and sleep for a few hours — even less —, then, in the middle of the night, Lhu had to run to her bed because the screams she made in dreams were terrible heartbreaking.

They were not common screams.

They were terrifying, terror-struck ones.

And underneath the bursts of fury, lie hundreds of implores and thousands of tears... A beautiful song she sings every night. She doesn't mind that everything is blurry for her.

_ He hated her. _

She was crumbling from within. There were nights when Lhu couldn't calm her down and she had to call Snape for him to give her a tranquilliser or a potion that could make her sleep until the next day. Severus had wanted to give her again the blessing of sleeping pills but his memories about what had happened the last time didn't let him.

There were times in the day that she would go blank, remembering. That worried her friends in a row since after that she entered in a trance.

A horrible trance.

And there she was,  _ blank _ ... In trance.

She was like a plastic doll, eyes in a daze, distant. It was as if she was always somewhere else. Her cruel head, perhaps? Or maybe a whole different world nobody could ever think of exploring.

Looking at nothing and sitting in the desk chair in the room she shared with Lhu. Laying in the silence, waiting for any type of sing she's still alive somewhere inside her.

Was it normal to be like  that ? Was it normal to destroy oneself with so many memories?

Her brain should have not stopped sending alarms or thinking. She should've kept constructing ice walls around her. Shouldn't have let the sun hurt her. Should have kept hating the sun. She should have hated all the emotions.

She should have done a lot of things.

She bit her finger skin and glued her knee to her chest in an involuntary movement while her gaze was lost on the wall in front of her. Her thoughts started reproducing cruel words, but bot crueller enough. Her teeth nipping her sensible skin.

_I hate you._

_ I hate you. _

_ I hate you. _

_ I hate you. _

_ I hate you. _

_ I hate you. _

The little drops of blood invaded her mouth, but she didn't realise it. Nothing mattered because she felt hopeless. She was still biting, still nipping her teeth all she could.

And the shine in her eyes seemed to never want to return, the smiles seemed to never want to be alive.

She did that when she was lost internally. Pushing herself until she was completely gone and just her body seemed to be there, _agonising_.

She hadn't done that in a lot of time.

And it should be difficult to make it... But it was not.

It was even easier than before. It only took a few memories, maybe words or a simple and single breathing. It was  _ too easy. _

Maybe she was already mental.

Maybe she should be interned in a bloody psychiatric and make her wore a straitjacket all the time. She was surprised none of the people around her had called a psychiatrist.  _ Her _ psychiatrist.

She wouldn't complain if someone put a straitjacket on her, being honest. She wouldn't complain if someone decided to intern her. They should've done it a long time ago. Why they hadn't? Why they hadn't fucking interned her in a fucking psychiatric? Why they hadn't given her fucking drugs? That would be everything easier.

She hadn't written to Narcissa Malfoy, but the woman had. Lhu was the one in charge to reply the weekly letters, shaping on the paper how worried she was, but the problem was that Narcissa couldn't go to Hogwarts due to the Dark Lord business and also because her own son wasn't well either.

And, even though Leevanna seemed so lost in her mind, the sound kept leaking through her ears, she listened to how Lhu talked about taking her herself. And Leevanna thought they should let her die.

She shouldn't be alive at that point in her life.

Her life was completely pointless. A mistake.

She was completely out of herself.

She was lost.

She was more than lost.

It was like being lost inside her, in a desolate place full of heartbreaking lamentations that hammered her head in despair, surrounded by darkness and silently screaming, joining the symphony of tears, trying to implore for help, but no one could hear her, no one could help her. It felt like she was running from someone, from something, like she was being chased but she couldn't see her attacker. She could feel the monster, its tentacles clinging to her skin like whips and its pointy teeth ripping cruelly through her like paper.

As if she was underwater, floating and feeling the suffocating pressure clinging to her body like a hug. Wrapping her so tightly that she couldn't breathe. It was as if her ice had turned against her and was piercing her within until it ended her being, making her bleed with tears. Her own ice was betraying her, punishing her for her cruel negligence. As if they had left her in the sun as punishment, without giving her a drop of water.

It was like floating in an immense black mass that drowned her every time and took away her breath until she felt like dying in the most torturous way... But _she could not die..._ That huge black space only tortured her, drowning her and then returning her air to then sink her again.

Maybe she didn't deserve to die.

And maybe her punishment was wishing to do it so badly.

She thought that perhaps the real beauty lies within death and life is a cruel liar, filling you with the hope anything could happen at any moment but that moment never knocks on your door. There's no maybe.

Her brain make jokes about that all the time.

There were times when she suddenly just laughed. But it wasn't a pretty laugh —if it could be called that. It was a scary one, it left her friends in blank. She just laughed. In a scary way. It was a low chuckle that broke free from her lips in the most arbitrary moment. Then, after exactly two seconds, she returned to her imminent silence. As if she had made a vow of silence.

Her eyes were cold.  _ Again . _

Her friends couldn't look at her anymore. Lhu tried to do it though, to see if she was still there somewhere. At least try to find her.

But it was difficult... Very difficult.

Her eyes reflected pure madness.  _ Coldness . _

They didn't even look at you directly, but you got lost in them. They made your brain go fuzzy and starting imagine that her green iris was freezing, with a sheet of pure ice that covered her until the tears began to burn.

It was a mental game to look at her and not question your own existence.

She had a sort of tic too.

She would hit her lips with her flexed index finger three times, slowly — like the movement of the second clock's hand — then she stopped two seconds and hit again.

Three times. Two seconds. Three times.

And if she did not let pass the two seconds, she buried her long nail of her thumb in the yolk of her index finger until she hurt herself. Until the red river started flooding the pale colour.

Then she started with her tic again.

Three times. Two seconds. Three times.

And then, she got lost.

_I hate you._

_ I hate you. _

_ I hate you. _

_ I hate you. _

_ I hate— _

"Oh, for Merlin's sake! Leevanna!  _ No! _ Stop!" Lhu shouted when he saw the blood of the girl's finger slipping on the sides of her mouth.

She bit her index finger's skin very often too.

Lhu had put her a bandage, thinking that she wouldn't do it anymore, but Leevanna screamed terrified when the fabric brushed her skin. She could be very aggressive if something or someone touched her. From scream to slap or jump and run until she reached a corner of the room where she could hide.

She would sit with her back against the wall and her knees pressing her chest — generally on the bathroom's corner behind the toilet or the one next to her nightstand. Her whole body shaking as her trembling hands ran through her hair, pulling it hard as she cried and panicked in silent and the memories of her traumas filled her.

She hated being touched. She was afraid of being touched again.

The nightmares were too much.

The  _ memories _ and traumas were too much.

They seemed to get bigger with the minutes, they seemed to grow every single day, tearing her apart and letting the monster take all over her, leaving her in an incessant whirlwind of darkness. Making her breathing become less effective, slower, tiring. Her circulation is slower, and she also feels cold, in her own ice, she feels cold.

The curly-haired took her wrist, pulling her hand away from her mouth so that she wouldn't continue to hurt herself.

"You  _ can't _ do this to yourself," Lhu breathed frowning. "Look at me."

Leevanna did it, her empty eyes now shone in pure torment and coldness.

"Leevy...  _ Breathe _ ," Lhu asked her, holding both of her wrists tightly while her best friend began to twist so that she would let her go.

She did  not want to be touched.

The tears began to fall quickly as her screams of despair and pain began to escape from her throat without being able to avoid it.

_Nine. Eighteen. Twenty-seven. Thirty-six. Forty-five... One hundred seventeen, twenty-six, thirty-five_.

Leevanna began fighting and struggling for Lhu to release her. She began to kick, pushing the girl, who fell to the floor on one of those, but quickly got up seeing how the green-eyed was beginning to drown in her own crying.

_ One hundred forty-four, fifty-three, sixty-two, one hundred seventy-one, eighty, eighty-nine... _

She was drowning so bad that her face was starting to get red, slightly purple.

Fred, George, and Lee arrived at the time she started throwing things on the floor violently as she fought to breathe.

"Leevy, breathe," Lhu begged, holding her wrists again.

Lhu attracted her to her and both fell to the floor on their knees.

"It's okay..." Lhu murmured, holding her tightly as Leevanna continued to struggle, fighting and screaming. "Look at me, okay?" she implored as the girl looked at her in the eye. "Do what I," and Lhu started to inhale and exhale slowly and deeply.

_Three. Six. Nine. Twelve. Fifteen. Eighteen. Twenty-one. Twenty-four..._

Leevanna imitated her, slowly calming her breath.

_...Forty-two. Forty-five. Forty-eight. Fifty-one. Fifty-four. Fifty-seven..._

The girl ended up clinging to her robes while Lhu hugged her leaving kisses on her head.

"It's okay, sweetheart..." Lhu whispered caressing her hair and rocking her on the floor. " _ It's okay... _ "

Leevanna wasn't well, Draco wasn't well.

The emotional dependence that both had, had hit them as demolition balls.

It was like dying... Just that  worse .

Her punishment was wishing. Because she didn't deserve to die. She didn't deserve that gift.

She missed him at all times, at all hours, the emptiness she felt on her chest was immense. The pain she felt every time she breathed burned her body. Her heart was paining but it cannot be treated with any kind of medicine. It can only be treated by love — his love, the one she doesn't have because — because he —

_ He hates her... _

And she despised him for doing it.

She despised him for making her miss him.

She missed his lips kissing her, his fingers caressing her skin so softly, she missed breathing next to him, touching him. She missed playing with his hair and seeing him laugh.

_ "You don't fucking feel anything!" _

If only he had stayed to listen to the conversation she had with Narcissa a few more seconds... But the 'if only' didn't exist.

She knew that.

She missed all those nights in which their bodies ignited in lust and desire, just like being on fire. She missed him taking her hand out of nowhere and leading her to dance while they laughed. She missed seeing the sunrise from the roof of the castle while they were talking. She missed seeing him play the piano while she was laying on the couch with a smile on her face and then applaud when he finished playing. She missed him talking about the stars and planets when they were in The Astronomy Tower, his emotion when she asked him to explain more.

There were nights when she dreamed of him, she woke up crying silently with Lhu at her side calming her, as always.

And she wants to cry. She cries but there are no tears will coming from her eyes.

Her pain is a numbing sensation that steams to come from the pit of her stomach, twisting it until it becomes a physical sensation, forcing her back to arch.

She's experiencing a mixture of disgust and repulsion that made a foul taste come to her mouth and leave it until the water is stained with a clear substance. Lhu held her hair trying not to brush her with her arms, seeing her release all the acid in her mouth before she collapsed unconscious on the floor.

No one had ever taught her that she would fall so abruptly... No one had warned her she would fall.

Nobody had taught her that it was going to hurt so much. Nobody had taught her how to manage that kind of pain.

Nobody had taught her how to love...What's more, what she felt was even love?

Because if it was love what was she feeling, it was complete bullshit.

Her pain was bought to face someone's death, but a million times worse.

When someone died, you didn't see them anymore, but he wasn't dead — she begged that it never happen —, he was alive and every time she met his eyes so turned off, her soul was breaking.

_ "Draco," she called him looking at the stars. _

_ "Hm?" He answered laid next to her with their hands intertwined. _

_ "Thank you," he frowned. "Thank you for not hating me." _

_ "Thank you for not leaving me, Leevy." _

She screamed.

Leevanna squirmed in her bed while crying, it was as if they used the  Cruciatus curse on her.

"God, Leevy, _calm down,_ " Lhu begged while wiping the tears from her eyes before wrapping her again in her arms. She clung to her crying and drowning. "Help me, Leevy... I  _ need _ you to calm down."

"It's enough," Lee huffed. "You're  not going to calm her down and she is going to hurt you... Again."

"And what do  _ you _ suggest, Lee?" her brows frowned. "Leave her there? Do nothing?" she asked with her eyes full of tears, feeling how her best friend twisted in her arms screaming. She was in the middle of a nightmare.

But they couldn't wake her, or she was going to be in a trance again.

The twins looked at her standing next to his friend, they no longer knew what to do.

She had fever and her whole body was shaking.

But at least she was not in trance.

Lee pulled Lhu away from Leevanna and carried her as he could while she continued struggling, Snape wasn't at Hogwarts because of a situation that needed his attention and they needed  urgent help.

"I'm sorry to wake you up at this time, but we need your help," Lee said as he could, the tears fell on his cheeks. "Pro-Profesor Snape always gave her a-a soothing, I-I don't know the name of it but—"

"I know," Madame Pomfrey reassured him with a smile taking a needle out of a drawer and injecting it into Leevanna's arm. The girl began to breathe better, her crying calmed down, and gradually fell asleep again.

She would dream about him again that early morning. She would close her eyes and see her dark paradise. A place where she could feel him touching her. Where she could feel him, hear his voice, how he tells her they would be just the two and everything would be fine. A place she doesn't want to let escape or wake up from. 

_ She caressed the skin of his abdomen as he spread kisses on her neck. She giggled when she felt his hot breath tickling her. "You are so good to me," he said. _

"How are you feeling now?" Fred asked with a soft smile.

It was the next morning and McGonagall had given them permission to miss the first classes, without Umbridge realising it, clearly.

Leevanna wasn't fulfilling her duties as a Prefect, instead, Severus had assigned that responsibility to Pansy and Lhu a few weeks ago. Umbridge didn't know and Severus was planning to leave it that way. He hadn't taken away the bandage of Prefect from Leevanna as not to let other people suspect anything.

She looked at him with a sad, weak smile, her deep dark circles taking up more space.

_It's like I'm drowning. Like a panic attack. I can't even breathe,_ says her own voice in her head, not wanting to escape her throat. _ And I cannot die... _

"Why don't you sleep?" Lhu smiled at her knowing that she wasn't going to talk. "We have to go back to class, do we come later?" Leevanna nodded and everyone said goodbye to her. Lee was forced to leave because he didn't want to leave her alone.

_ "Don't leave me Leevy..." he whispered again seeing how her eyes started to fill up with tears. "Not you..." _

_ "I'm not going to leave you, you hear me? I'm  _ not _ leaving you," she said attracting his body to hers in a hug feeling how he held her tightly and hid his face in the hole of her neck smelling her. _

The man in her book, already losing his last thread of sanity, usually divagated in ways of how to be with his azalea forever. A way to reunite their souls in an eternal dream from the one they would never be wake up or be separated. He was completely sure the flower's soul and his own were destined to be together until the universe turned off its last light.

He became obsessed with suicide.

Theirs would be the most beautiful the people would ever have knowledge about. He would make it beautiful, graceful, unique — like his azalea.

He would dance around the flower, sing for her as if the azalea could possibly hear him somehow. He interpreted the soft movements the petals did when the wind caressed them as signals of her enjoying what he did.

He would masturbate next to her and leave his cum on the dirt under her to feed her. Other times he would cut her sisters and brothers to bring her flowers and prise her.

The man was insane.

But the way he loved his azalea was certainly unique. Beautiful for him and him only.

He would have done anything for his azalea.

And, when the minutes passed around him and his grey world continued being the same, he would have depressive moments. Sadness in human form. Tears would come out and the dependence would show full colour.

Another thing Leevanna shares.

Her sadness feels like thick syrup running through her bloodstreams, and those veins have little prickles that are bothered by the syrup. Feels like running as hard as she can until she is out of breath, then she dunks her head underwater until she is about to drown.

And she thinks that maybe she should drown.

She has never been afraid of dying. She knows that. Her conscience has knowledge of it too. She sees death as the most beautiful gifts of all.

"Where's Leevanna?" Asks Pansy looking all The Great Hall. "She's still sick?"

"Sick? Who's sick?" Asks Theodore sitting next to the raven-haired.

"Er — Leev, she's sick," replies Lhu also looking for her.

"Malfoy isn't with her? Surely they are shagging in a hallway," laughs Theo and Pansy nods also chuckling.

"They fought days ago," says Lhu still divagating her gaze throughout the place.

"Uhh, so they're having an angry shag right now," chuckled Theo before giving his waffle a bite. "Nine in the morning and already moaning? They're living the life."

"Guys, I — I'll see you later," Lhu waves goodbye and leaves the Slytherin table, heading to the Gryffindor one, where Lee is the first to approach her.

"Where's she?" He asks passing his view through all the place.

"Didn't you leave her changing?" asks Fred.

"I left her thirty minutes ago," Lhu ran her fingers through her hair with exasperation. "I have Potions, Snape won't care, I'm going to go and look for her."

"We have Herbology," says George standing up. "We can be late, I'll make an excuse for us later."

"But Umbridge—"

"Doesn't matter," says the redheaded to his girlfriend before taking her hand to start walking.

And Leevanna keeps walking, lost in her mind and still with her leggings and pyjama jumper, facing the morning wind in silent, becoming one with it.

She hadn't left her dorm in a lot of time. She usually collapsed on the floor barely reaching the Slytherin common room. She struggled to assist classes and not having a breakdown in the middle of it — so much that sometimes she casts a Muffliato and Disillusionment charm if her breathing becomes elaborated.

She keeps waling.

And in such state, there's no tears, no fear and instead complete indifference. No chance she would ask for help because she is convinced she does not deserve it. Since dying appeared as the only possible source of relief.

_Coward_ , says her conscience. The mini her who lives in her head.

_I know_ , her own voice responds.

But she keeps walking. She knows she must keep walking. The air has a chill but it feels good. Though she couldn't breathe it. She wants to, but the ache in her doesn't let her. She keeps walking down the hill. A headache blooms in her temples.

She has lost the 'will', she's now descending to an existence of the fringe of the world and allowing drink herself into oblivion. She knows she's too afraid of the pain and spends the rest of her life in the swaying, swallowing monster that hunts her. Without feeling  him close, his love.

And she wonders how he could love her? It makes sense to her that he hates her. She hates herself, why he wouldn't do it?

It has been said that if a human being is to be destroyed, it's likely to be by who they love. And she agrees on that. She doesn't remember when or where she read that, but she agrees.

She doesn't want to be condemned to an existence right on the fridge of the world. She doesn't have the strength to keep surviving in the battle.

_You don't deserve it_ , says again her mini self. Her voice is neutral, not as a reproach.

_I know_ , she responds again, serene and peaceful, like a sigh.

_And why are you doing it?_ Asks the other Leevanna, sipping her tea slowly before eating a biscuit. Both are at a tea party.

_Because I'm a coward_ , and she sips her tea too as she shrugged.

The empty shell her body is, keeps walking, she isn't wearing any shoes, so she's feeling the grass beneath her feet and her hair is attached to her head, not being able to follow the wind, just floating in a dance.

She feels just like something deep inside her — maybe the heart she wishes not to have — is on fire, burning in a hollow ache that seems like years of physical pain. She knows she's a coward for choosing not to leave with the pain anymore. To blunt it.

Her chest is balled up. She can't take in deep breaths. And her heart feels as if it's going to stop beating. But it _won't_. She knows it won't.

The dark violent waves seem to be fighting with one another, merging in themselves, colliding with one another. She listens to the water swell and withdraws, watches it soak into the mossy grass at its edge. Her gaze lowers and she feels the humid sensation colliding with her skin.

And then she hears the water crash. She looks up again.

_Are you going to do it or not?_

Her right foot entering the water is enough response. The follows her left foot. She's walking again. Slowly but quickly enough so as not to think twice.

The cold of the Black Lake is comforting. She had missed it a lot. She feels the freezing water entering her pores and dancing through her veins and muscles, contracting her body and sending currents all her spine.

She keeps her eyes open, studying the grey sky when she's half her way. Her nails dig into her hand's skin because she's making fists, tolerating the freezing water.

She knows she isn't going to float because she'd kept a couple of stones in her jumper's pockets, she knows she will drown. Is _happy_ about it.

Her eyes snap down and the last sigh leaves her lips before she immersed herself completely in the dark water. A violent wave pushes her, then another and another until she's half-unconscious, floating happily in the middle of the water.

It feels like being on a cloud, resting there. In her dark paradise, where she can see him and feel him, hear his voice and touch his hair and skin. Where someday she would deserve to be loved and he would love her.

Her fingers touch the star pendant that hangs from the necklace around her neck. She cannot feel its temperature but can feel its shape. And it is as if she had summoned him.

She can see him. Maybe is a hallucination, but when her eyelids flutter, she can see him in front of her, floating with her and drowning.

And in such state, with the freezing dark water that for her is becoming warm, surrounding her being, she cannot cry, there are no tears to shed, instead, she can breathe.

She keeps her eyes closed, letting her brain go fuzzy and frozen because of the coldness of the water. The water is entering her nostrils, she isn't holding her breath, she's actually breathing, after weeks, she's breathing without feeling that burning.

The last sensation she had was the drowsiness that invaded her body when the last wave hit her. And she's there, floating,  _ happily _ .

"Fucking hell," breathed Fred when the four stopped running. The cold wind making his lungs contract and the air stutter.

"D'you see her?" asks George with his hands supported on his knees before taking air deeply and lowering his gaze to the grass, tired.

"Nope," replied Lee running a hand through his hair. "Are you sure she's here?"

"She likes to swim —  _ FUCK! _ " yells Lhu running down the hill, stumbling once or twice as it gets steeper. But she doesn't care because she knows what her best friend has done.

"Wait, Lhu! Fuck — you're going to fall," said George running behind her to try and catch her.

"She's trying to drown herself!" the brunette screams without stopping. "If she hasn't done it already! So don't _fucking_ tell me to fucking slow down, George!"

Lee, caring less than nothing and running as if his life depended on it, jumps into the water and ignores the sharp sensation of the cold water piercing his skin.

Godric, it hurts. He can't comprehend how she can resist such coldness.

His head sees the light again and he takes a deep breath before immersing into the water to start swimming again. He goes as deep as he can, keeping his eyes open and trying to ignore the fact his lungs are about to collapse.

His eyes finally find a body floating and sinking every second. He swims faster.

He takes her hand and pulls her to him to start swimming to the surface again. His chest constricted from lack of oxygen. And when his lugs were about to give up, he's able to catch air when both get out of the water.

Upon reaching the surface, with the unconscious girl in his arms — she wasn't breathing, like a corpse... _Inert_ —, he quickly placed her body on the grass to revive her.

He started doing compressions, hearing the sobs of Lhu and the voices of Fred and George calming her. Then he tried mouth-to-mouth resuscitation — her lips were cold and almost purple.

The wind making his clothes glue to his body causing him chills didn't stop him from keeping pressing her chest over and over again.

And he doesn't know she is dreaming. In her happy place. So he keeps trying — keeps yanking her from his arms, keeps tearing apart her cloud, insisting on illuminating her darkness.

He gave stronger, more violent compressions... And, finally, she woke up.

༄

"Well, what do you say? Chocoballs or Cauldron Cake?" Fred asked the girl when they left The Great Hall. Leevanna pointed out the chocolates. "Chocolates will be," he laughed with his twin.

It had been two more weeks, she still didn't talk, but she had already left her room for a few days, made grimaces and ate a little. The nightmares were fewer too, maybe three or four times a week.

But she still reacted aggressively when someone touched her.

"Are you sure you are going to be okay?" Leevanna rolled her eyes in amusement, Lhu nodded slowly still insecure. She was afraid of leaving her alone again and found out she had left their dorm to try and drown herself again. "Leev, I can—"

Leevanna pointed to The Great Hall doors raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then," Lhu said chuckling, "let's go redheads," all three said goodbye to the girl leaving her with Lee.

She wanted to go to the Astronomy Tower,  _ alone . _

"Are you going to be okay?" she rolled her eyes nodding, again. She was starting to hate that question. "No, forget it, I'm going with you. I don't want to find out that you threw yourself tomorrow morning," she nodded again and he passed his arm around her shoulders unconsciously.

She squirmed and pushed him without being able to avoid being too aggressive. She looked at him scared before her gaze relaxed.

"Sorry," he mumbled and she just nodded.

In recent weeks, Lee hadn't left Leevanna alone for a second, he was afraid that she would try to kill herself again, neither had the twins and Lhu. They avoided greater contact with Draco and always kept her away from the places where he was. That night, for example, they had asked Snape for permission to sit here at the Gryffindor table, he said yes and Lhu had also joined.

Leevanna sighed supporting her arms on the railing once they arrived. She needed air.

Although it burned every time she breathed. She couldn't breathe actually.

No matter how many days she had spent crying. No matter how miserable and sad she feels, no matter how many days she has spent wishing things were different — she knows this perfectly — she would keep feeling the monster swallowing her and the lunches with her mortifying sadness seemed to have a long lifetime.

Lee leaned on the wall next to her, he would remain silent all night so as not to bother her. Watching that she didn't jump or attempt something was enough.

He turned his head over when he heard her sob a few minutes later.

"I'm here," he whispered wrapping her in a tight hug even tho she squirmed and fought for him to release her. "You can talk to me or not, but I'm here," and she collapsed on the floor crying.

Maybe she was thinking about jumping.

Maybe that way her pain would stop... But she couldn't die... She didn't deserve it.

" _ I miss him _ ," she whispered crying, her voice went out broken, without strength, but went out. The chains finally released her throat and the vibrant sensation leaves her without air and she thinks is better to give herself to the chains.

She had screamed so much that it was barely audible. And she knows she would not do it again. It hurt too much. The punishment was unbearable.

A month and a half without talking and Merlin, Lee had missed her voice.

"I know... _I know_ ," Lee whispered tightening her harder and placing his chin on her head.

But he doesn't know, he doesn't comprehend how much it hurts being hug by him and not _him_. He doesn't understand the meaning of her necklace. Doesn't comprehend she just wants to die to be with her own kind of azalea.

In her book, the man was antisocial. He didn't speak or tried to communicate with the other people who surrounded him every day. He was actually scared of doing it and, when he found his reason to live, the task of utter a word became nonsense. Nobody would understand him as his azalea did.

Though someday drowning in his sadness while shaping his azalea on a piece of paper, a person willingly approached him. She had a question about work.

The man stopped drawing in less than a second and covered his paper.

> _ Her voice was a kind of sharp he found interesting but annoying and certainly, the shade of red she used did everything but combine in the less with her clothes. He knew her name or at least knew it started with a C — Camellia, perhaps. His eyes fixed on the persons behind her, in a corner of the office. They were talking lowly and from time to time looking at them. Her friends, he thought. _
> 
> _ Maybe they were thinking he would kill her. Or he would have a collapse. _
> 
> _ Fibres of peanut opaqued her skin when she looked down at his drawing and upping her gaze in a second. She was intrusive. Nosy. He didn't relish it when rose blossomed in her cheeks. Without opening his lips but with the intention of making her leave, he handed her the paper she was looking for. _
> 
> _ Her hazelnut iris looked ay him for a second and, with a sigh of giving up, she started to walk away. _
> 
> _ Finally, he thought. Now he could continue. _
> 
> _ "D'you want to — go out? Tonight?" _
> 
> _ His hand stopped abruptly. _
> 
> _ "Some of us are thinking of going to the pub near here and..." _
> 
> _ He stopped listening and looked at her before shaking his head in denial before looking down. She stopped her words and her heads heated even more. _
> 
> _ Going out? What on earth was wrong with her? _
> 
> _ Her name was enough. Camellia. Ha. Other of the harpies wanted to separate him from his unique azalea._

The first time she read the book, she didn't instantly comprehend why the man had rejected the invitation. She, being six years old, would have done whatever to have friends who asked her if she wanted to go out.

But now she understands.

Harpies that wanted to separate her from her own azalea. To wake her up from her paradise.

And she is there. Surrounded by people.

"And she was like: why on your arse?" Says Pansy. "And I was: bitch, I don't give a fuck, just do the tattoo."

And everyone laughed. Everyone except her.

"Now we have matching tattoos," chuckles Daphne doing a high-five with the raven-haired.

Outsider.

That's how she feels. Like an outsider. Because they keep laughing.

Laughing and smiling and talking about nothing of consequence and passing notes from class and joking and teasing and laughing with one another.

And she cannot laugh. Cannot _breathe_.

The air in her lungs stutters, burns her flesh and tears her apart. Her lungs felt like all the air had been pressed out of them. The world felt like it was tilting sideways. There are needles sinking into her hands and arms. Everything is internal. On the surface, she tries to keep her façade of calm.

They are in the garden, is almost time for lunch. Theodore, Blaise, Daphne, Pansy and Lhu are around her. Seeing her, not directly, but they do. Why did they keep looking at her? Because she hasn't spoken at all? Because she looks dead awful? Because  _ he _ isn't with her?

Her gaze remains on the book that is resting on her lap, _Flaws of a Clearing_. It is her comfort book, but she hasn't changed the page in twenty minutes. She wasn't even reading.

The smell of the nicotine floating in the grey smoke as invisible crystals of the cigarettes and the voices of her house-mates leaked through her nose and ears. It is distorted.

She could barely stand to be in the Slytherin common room, what the hell was she doing outside on a _bright_ Saturday morning?

Her gaze divagates through the page, losing itself in the words but not being able to retain them as her eyes would have done a long time ago. She feels this bitter savour in her mouth and it mixes with the blood her tongue is letting escape because she is biting it.

Maybe it is jealously. A five of fifty-five.

She admits that a part of her definitely is. She wishes she could feel that way. Behave that way. See the world that way.

But she _can't_ do it.

She raises her gaze a bit.

It is waving at her. Inviting her to follow its hypnotising offer.

The monster.

It is staring at her. Promising she would not feel the acid of her stomach burn her flesh as it slides up her oesophagus, sinking into her as though a creature had slid its claws into her flesh — dragging them up to her throat, if she follows it. She wants to follow it.

Her gaze drifts to Lhu, whose arms are surrounding Theo's neck hugging him from behind as he speaks about a girl he met during the Christmas break. Then her eyes fix on Blaise, who has Pansy sitting on one of his legs and a cigarette between his index and middle finger. Daphne is beside them, talking with Pansy about Merlin knows what.

She stares at the monster again.

The quill in her hand breaks when she pushes it against the grass.  _ Accidentally _ splashing all the ink over her books and catching Lhu's attention. The green-eyed looks at her and smiles softly for her clumsiness. The brunette smiles at her and seems to catch the message. She would to the common room and come back. Lhu nods and turns her head to continue talking.

Leevanna stops smiling.

Her hands picked up all her things and her feet starts guiding her to the monster's position. Waiting for its instructions. She glances at her house-mates and looks straight again when she sees them laughing. Nobody is in the hallways.

She ran.

She needed her mind off.

She couldn't think. She needed to move until she couldn't anymore. Needed to follow the monster and let it swallow her.

Everything was suffocating her.

She needs to be with her azalea.

_Regalia days, soul in grey. Regalia days, soul in grey. Regalia days, soul in grey._

_ Regalia days, soul in grey. Regalia days, soul in grey. Regalia days, soul in grey. _

_Regalia days, soul in grey. Regalia days, soul in grey. Regalia days, soul in grey._

Several flights of the corridors go by in flashes, too, and before she knows it, she's in the deserted foyer leading to the Slytherin dungeons. She couldn't — she couldn't stay there, seeing them laugh, she knows she has to keep going.

_Nine. Eighteen. Twenty-seven. Thirty-six. Forty-five._

The books fell from her hands when she reached her shared dorm.

_Fifty-four. Sixty-three. Seventy-two. Eighty-one. Ninety. Ninety-nine._

And she starts searching. Where she had seen it the last time?

Days ago she had found a little bottle filled with sleeping pills near the dressing table. The image of it started reproducing in her mind since then.

_One hundred eight. Seventeen. Twenty-six. Thirty-five. Forty-four. Fifty-three._

She opens and closes every drawer she finds, turning over Lhu's nightstand and her own, pushing the things and trying to make the orange bottle appear again. She didn't have the slightest idea where her wand was, so she couldn't use the  Accio spell.

_One hundred sixty-two. Seventy-one. Eighty. Eighty-nine. Ninety-eight. Two hundred—_

Her gaze fixes on the ballerina-music box.

And she opens it, finding her blessing miracle looking at her with hope.

She takes the bottle in her hands and looks up, finding the monster staring at her through the mirror of her dressing table and whispers things in her ears again and again. She opens the bottle, looking at the white medicine she had been missing.

_Go on._

And there's again.

She is watching. Expectant. Waiting.

This time her head doesn't hammer, and she is willing to give the demon satisfaction of being listened after a long time. She knows that would make her feel better. She wants to feel better. She wants to release herself from the feelings.

She needs her coping mechanism again.

She is alone, like never but yet like always. After days, she is alone again.

She had actually escaped.

She stills. Draws in a deep, deep breath. Waits.

Either for her heart rate to go down or to come to her senses. Though she knows that wouldn't happen. She didn't want it to happen.

She looks at the pills again. Now there's four of them in the palm of her hand.

They are her own way of controlling things.

_ Do it. Sank into them. _

They would be the complete relief from pain.

Her eyes close shut when four of the pills resting on her hand entered her mouth and her saliva make them travel to the deepest point of her. She takes four more. She needs water, but there's none of it.

_ It feels good, doesn't it? _

She looks herself into the mirror again, seeing the demon still behind her, whispering her next movement. Confiscating any ability she has to resist, utterly destroying every part of her. It wants her to drive herself over the edge, do whatever necessary in order to unshackle the feelings from her.

When the fuzziness and drowsiness appropriate her brain, her eyes sparkle at the sight of a metal nail file. A very sharp one.

_Take it._

And she obeys. She doesn't have a 'will' inside her anymore. The monster is controlling her ropes like a puppet. Making her dance and its willing.

She hovers the sharp tip above her pale skin. Slowly, in order to savour the pain, she presses it from her wrist, sweeping the blade vertically until she makes a partial small line.

Her eyes burn like hell, pooling with salty water as she presses her lips avoiding letting out a cry at the sharp pain.

The discomfort only lasts for a moment. When the stinging decreases, Leevanna has the urge to feel more.

She inspects her scarlet blood as it slides down and out of her pale skin, dripping down until it reaches the wood.

One.

Two. Three.

Four.

Five. Six. Seven.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

It was the same shade as the lipstick on Lhu's nightstand.

She smiles and waves with her right hand at the monster, like two old friends. The drops of blood sliding down her forearm, creating a crimson river of her being that remains flooding and flooding.

The pills fell from the dressing table, staining themselves with the smalls droplets of Leevanna's being on the floor. Her white blouse now has stains of scarlet going up the collar and neck until the droplets meet the stat. And she is resolute.

She marches to her bed, sitting in it before the demon pushes her into a dark abyss. Falling over her duvet and letting her head rest against the fluffy pillows. 

And her body becomes weak.

She is about to fall.

And she does it.

She falls.

Back to her dark paradise.

> _ He has been unfaithful. A shame. Scum. _
> 
> _ Now, watering the land with his unceasing apologies in the form of salty water, asks for the worst pf the punishments for just the look he gave to the harpy camelia earlier asked him to accompany her. _
> 
> _ He can hear its malevolent laughter, how its snicker resonates throughout the forest. And he can't get out the image of the rose over the pale, the way the humidity made the peanut darken. Why he can't? That camelia isn't his azalea. _
> 
> _Prays for a punishment._
> 
> _And it comes._
> 
> _In a thunder._
> 
> _An answer._
> 
> _Quit._


End file.
